Restart

Monday:

House all to myself again! Easier to get work done, but lonelier without the kids around.

This morning I weighed 77.6 kg. So a 0.2 kg loss without Duromine, its surprising because I ate a lot of junk this week! Of course I'm happy to maintain/lose instead of gaining as I expected. Not so happy about giving in to junk food cravings.

Night sweats again - three nights in a row, and I think four out of the last six nights. Making up for all the weeks with no night sweats. It's really messing with my sleep. Last night's dream was about realising I'd missed a whole subject at TAFE, and had to catch up on ten weeks' work with an assignment due tomorrow and the teacher saying there were no grounds for an extension (fair enough, I had no excuse except I forgot to go to class). And there was something about a broken chair. And being naked. I can deal with the annoying dreams but I wake drenched in sweat and clammy and can't get back to sleep for ages.

So ironically, considering that Duromine (phentermine) often causes insomnia, I started taking it again today. So I can sleep better (partly). Only a week off instead of the 10-14 days the doctor recommended. But the break was only to help make sure that it would work when I restarted. And it's definitely working. Interest in food decreased, energy increased. I feel good. Happy. Enthusiastic about life. Don't know about the night sweats yet, of course, will see tonight.

Duromine is usually prescribed for three months, so I am halfway through that now. I know I will have to go back to dealing with food without help after that. I don't think I have any physical addiction, or withdrawal without it (I just felt like my old self, which wasn't as pleasant as my new self) but I can certainly understand how people can get a psychological addiction. And I'm sure I have readers who think I shouldn't be taking it at all. I understand that. My answer to that is that I am under doctor supervision and it is for a very limited time and I have tried just about everything else except surgery. I don't stop eating altogether, I don't feel hyper, I feel like I think a "normal" person feels - I mean someone who has a healthy relationship with food and eats when they are hungry to fuel their body (but still enjoys what they eat) not for comfort/entertainment/cravings, and has enough energy to enjoy life. This is the "normal" I would like to be all the time. I'm sure people taking medication for anxiety or depression or other problems could have the same reaction, just relief to be... "normal".

I did some study for my upcoming exam and was pretty happy with results of my practice exercises, only one little mistake. Maybe by Thursday there will be no mistakes!

Then when the kids got home we had a lovely swim. The weather has been quite cool for the past couple of weeks and will be cool again from tomorrow, but for some reason today peaked at about 32C which is hot! I had the pool heater on yesterday and today in preparation and it got up to 27.5 which was very nice. I'm looking forward to a resort-style summer!