Work and study

 Hello hello, all is well here. I've neglected my blog, maybe because I got involved in a chat forum elsewhere and wasn't inspired to write about my life twice. 

My weight is the same, or worse. I haven't really been making any consistent effort. But the long cold rainy winter is nearly over, weather is warming up, and I'm hoping Spring in a couple of weeks will help. Also, I'm going to have my Mirena IUD removed. It may or may not have had any effect on my weight, more likely other circumstances like Covid lockdowns were more important, but is it coincidence that when I tried a slow-release contraceptive implant (Depo-Provera) 20 years ago I put on 10 kg, and when I tried this Mirena slow-release I also regained a lot of weight? I don't know. Worth a try.  

My casual work has been up and down, lots for the first three months of the year then nothing the second three months, but things are getting interesting. My favourite library asked me to start soon 3 days a week for 10 months, which is awesome. At the same time some permanent jobs became available, that I have applied for but haven't heard yet about. Only problem was, the one I'm most likely to get/want is only one day a week - and on the same day as my upcoming casual work. I've been torturing myself in advance - what if I have to choose between my favourite location 3 days a week (perfect!) but no job security, or one day a week further away but permanent and a foot in the door for increasing later? It's government (local) so once you have a permanent job you're pretty much set for life if you want. Then yesterday my casual boss called to say they'll only need me 2 days a week after all, which would be a bad thing except the one day they are dropping is the one day at the permanent job... so hopefully the universe is coming together and I'll get that job and do both. Fingers crossed.

I'm filling the other days with working on my Master of Information Studies (Librarianship) at Uni, online. It's three years part time. I'd thought about doing it for a while and have 'calendar regret' for not starting during Covid lockdowns when I wasn't working, having the degree would have made me eligible for an even better job going at the moment, but oh well there will be more opportunities in the future. I've done quite a lot of study in the past, but the level required for Masters did overwhelm me a little at first. My first essay I barely got a Pass, which was a shock! But my second got a Distinction so I'm on track now. 

Jasmine has her P plates now so drives herself to gymnastics 4 times a week plus dance group. Driving her around every day had become part of my routine and a felt a bit lost the first week without it. Do my kids even need me any more? But seems like a good thing now. But she needs her own car! 

Nearly Christmas

I've been super busy since I went back to work, as I expected one week got extended and extended and I had to ask for a day off to get some things done, so that was great. I'm finished now for the year and probably won't be needed again until February when term starts again, the library opens before that but they don't need many staff. The big news at work is that there is a state-wide restructure - no sorry, a "transformation" which could turn out good for me as there will be more permanent positions at my level (less management positions) and they will place casuals like myself before opening recruitment to the rest of the world. They are going through the consultation process now but it should all be finalised in the first half of next year. So many meetings and information sessions! The staff at my library should all be fine, just slotted into the new positions, but they are a bit stressed anyway. Being casual suits me as I don't have to work in school holidays, but I found during Covid that a bit of job security would be very nice! And my kids are old enough now that they are fine without me. Maybe I can get part time, that would be perfect, and I know someone in my library would like to go part time but she doesn't want to apply until she has secured her new position in the new structure. 

Jasmine finished her HSC exams, she is pretty confident she did well but the uni course she wants to do requires very high marks so we'll see. The backup plan is to start a BA (which she has already been accepted to with early entry based on her school work) and then transfer across to the Occupational Therapy degree later. I've decided to start my Masters of Librarianship next year, 3 years part time. It will be a big workload while working as well so we'll se how I cope with that. 

Jasmine and I have both come down with a bit of a cold (I think), we'll have to go for a Covid test this morning. Would definitely be an inconvenience if it was Covid and we have to isolate at this time of year! I haven't even finished my Christmas shopping, let alone all the events planned over the next two weeks, like Jasmine's graduation tomorrow and formal next week. And Christmas. But I won't borrow trouble, it's probably just a cold. 

Speaking of cold, it's been such a weird spring/summer. So much rain and so many cold days. It's the middle of December and we haven't used our pool yet. Today should be lovely at about 25 degrees, but that is hardly swimming weather. I'm not complaining really, 25 degrees is just about perfect in my eyes. 

I lost a couple of kilos after getting back to work and moving around all day instead of just sitting at home, but then I stalled because my diet is still pretty bad. Two weeks before Christmas doesn't seem the best time to try to restrict the treats so it's something I'll be tackling afterwards. And some ongoing health issues have impeded my exercise. But I know I have to do something. I feel very unhealthy, and I hate that hardly any of my clothes fit me. I had to buy a couple of pairs of trousers for work but I haven't had the time or inclination to get a whole new wardrobe in a bigger size. 

There was a fascinating book at work that I wish I had borrowed (but I had already borrowed about 20 books for the holidays when I saw it and couldn't carry any more!) which had details of about 50 popular diets, just a double page on each on with their basic concepts and a sample day. Paleo and plant-based and various brand-name diets. It looked really interesting. I don't actually need it though, after 10 years of research and dieting I know what I believe is healthy for me - I just have to follow it! As Michael Pollen says: "eat food (i.e. real food, not processed junk), not too much, mainly plants". My guidelines are something like: unlimited vegetables; medium amounts of meat, fat and fruit; medium-low carbs (including starchy vegetables like potato); very low amounts of processed food and sugar. Now to actually do it...

End of Lockdown

 Morning everyone!

Lockdown in Sydney lifts tomorrow, with another few weeks of gradually increasing freedoms but basically as a vaccinated person I can do stuff from tomorrow. Shops are opening. We can see other people. The media call it Freedom Day (which they did in the UK as well, and maybe elsewhere) but I don't really like the term and some military veterans find it offensive.  

I've been in lockdown for about four months I think, leaving the house only to do the grocery shopping. And I have put on weight. Up to 88.1kg this morning, my heaviest ever, which is rather horrifying and terrible for my body. My feet hurt all the time, and my right knee when I go down stairs. I don't sleep well. I just haven't been able to find any motivation to do anything about it. Food is my friend, and I have zero interest in exercise. Hopefully that is all about to change as life gets back on track.

My boss contacted me a couple of days ago to come back to work next week! Yay! Only booked in for a week so far but I'm sure that will lead to more now that everything is opening up. I am a library technician, I had just newly retrained as one a few years ago and gave up a more secure position for one that was better for me in every way - much better location close to where I live, higher pay, lovely people - except that it was casual not permanent. That was fine for the first six months, I worked almost full time and who minds a week off here and there! Perfect! Then the pandemic arrived. Suddenly being casual wasn't so good. Permanent staff worked even when the libraries were closed, they did a lot online, but they didn't need me. A year with no work, then employed for six weeks, then Delta hit and I had another (much stricter) four months at home. Really hoping now that the majority of Sydney is vaccinated that the lockdowns can end. 

Ironically of course there is all the other things I need to be doing now that lockdown is ending, and can't because I'll be at work all day. My son desperately needs a haircut and shoes and clothes that fit. My daughter is about to start her final exams and I won't be able to drive her back and forth, she'll have to catch buses which might not go at convenient times (she only has to be at school for exams, no regular school day). Her gymnastics will also start up again face to face instead of zoom classes so I'll be juggling getting her to that. I have a few medical issues to follow up: mammogram, colonoscopy, probably should see someone about my feet. Oh well, I can cross fingers that I get the perfect balance of regular work but not every single day between now and Christmas!

None of my work clothes fit. Not a single skirt or pair of pants. Not even black jeans pretending to be trousers. And no way to shop before Monday (my boss only called Thursday, so too late to find something online). So I'll be wearing a work-appropriate top with dark blue jeans every day. It's not terrible, for a library, but not what I would prefer to wear. No-one dresses business-formal (except the boss librarian, who always looks very professional) but no-one wears jeans either. Oh well, I'm sure the students (it's an adult education library) won't notice or care. 

My husband has been working half days all this time, his workplace had morning and afternoon shifts (and cleaned the office in between) so that if one group got sick they would still have half the staff to carry on. He is back to full time tomorrow and not looking forward to getting up early in the morning! My teenage son has two more weeks of Zoom before school restarts face to face. 

We've had some lovely spring weather and I have been getting out in the garden a bit more. But the forecast is for a week of cold rain so I won't mind being in the library all day. And it's going to be awesome seeing people other than my (lovely and beloved) family and doing some useful work. 

Have a great day. 

Hello 2021

 Monday,

I’m wondering if it’s time to retire this blog, it’s been 10 years and I rarely post now. But I suppose there’s no harm in it being here if I want it.

Australia continues to be relatively lightly touched by COVID, any time there are a few cases all the state borders close. Masks have finally just been made compulsory in Sydney. I am still out of work, still hoping I can go back to my dream job otherwise I’ll have to start applying elsewhere. Some places are hiring again. At Christmas we were allowed ten guests plus children, which worked out exactly for us.

We just went ‘away’ for a week, less than two hours up the coast for a beach holiday. It was mostly warm but not swimming weather with a fair bit of cloud and rain - probably lucky for us as on our last day it was finally beach weather and we all got sunburned (except Tim who spends more time outdoors so has more protective tan). It doesn’t matter how careful we are with 50+ sunscreen, hats, Tshirts etc; two hours in the sun is too much. The other days we went for walks, ate, and played board games.

We’d been trying for about 18 months to get our dismal front yard landscaped, finally found someone who actually followed up their visit with a quote and the work is now nearly done. Retaining walls, new plants and turf, and most importantly steps up to the front door instead of just the steep slippery driveway. Oh, and a decent mailbox!

I went to a specialist about my foot pain and numbness, they now think nerve damage, possibly from years of pre-diabetes but a third of cases are of unknown cause. The specialist told me to lose ten kilograms (the amount I’ve gained during COVID semi-isolation) before I see her next in three months. That depressed me so much I went and ate junk. Two of the three months have passed and I now weigh more than I did then. I am on and off the CSIRO diet which is mainly large portions of vegetables with moderate amounts of everything else. Obviously not sticking to it at all.

This morning, just back from our holiday, I was 86.8kg which I believe is my highest no -pregnant weight ever. Not great.

In brief

Tuesday:

I never seem to get around to posting, these days. Maybe because I don't have a lot to say?

Bad news is, my weight keeps going up and up... Covid kilos. From sitting at home all day. And eating. Bored and lonely. I'm up to 83.6kg, getting very close to my highest weight that I fought so hard to lose (with the help of Duromine). Spring has just started here, I'm trying to get out for a walk on the nice days. And doing a bit of gardening. Cold and grey today though.

Good news is, after many months of silence my workplace finally contacted me to come in for some casual work. It's only for two weeks (so far)... and not until November! But it made me happy because it shows I am still their preferred fill-in employee, and I can expect more work as people start taking time off again. Everyone must have a lot of holiday hours saved up, since we can't go anywhere and no one has been taking leave. It will be lovely to get back into the library, seeing my colleagues and helping students. Giving my life a purpose other than collecting every battle pet in World of Warcraft - I now have 1157 pets and have the 9th biggest collection on my server and about 2800th in the world out of about 8 million players (collecting battle pets is only a sideline for most WoW players, it is not the main focus of the game). I have around 60 more to collect that are still available - until the new expansion comes out in about 6 weeks with probably lots of new ones to collect.

So that is what I do all day.

No-junk January

New Year’s Day:

Happy 2020 everyone. 2020? Seriously? I can remember when 2000 was still years away - from the other direction!

I had a mostly nice Christmas, we hosted dinner as usual plus BBQ and leftovers on Boxing Day. Unfortunately I was not at peak health, just a cold but that was enough to make cleaning and cooking for 18 even more exhausting than usual. I stayed home the day after, when everyone else went to Star Wars, and that helped my recovery. I’m fine now. We hosted a NYE party last night (I say party... we played board games. Wild!) Sadly, I didn’t get to see Poppa and my side of the family a few days before Christmas, I was at my sickest then and didn’t want to infect a 101-year-old. I’ll have to organise another trip over there.

I ate in a very unrestrained way over the past month or so, and haven’t exercised for months, and my weight reflects that. 76kg on the first day of 2020. So I’m making this ‘no junk January’ (chocolate isn’t junk!). I turn 50 this year! I know keeping control of my weight is going to be an ongoing job, but a very important one. I still have another 50 years to live in this body!

The bushfires continue all over my state, the sky is orangy-brown more often than blue. Several people have died and many homes destroyed. I’m lucky to have had only the relatively minor inconveniences of staying inside on the worst air pollution days, being unable to put washing outside, and being unsure if we’ll be able to get to our beach holiday as the roads have been closed a couple of times and it might be safer to just stay home.

Both children will be learning Spanish at school next year, so Jasmine and I have started practicing on DuoLingo. And I’ve started playing World of Warcraft again. Aside from that, some intensive resting.

Competition

Friday:

We just got back from a week in Queensland, where Jasmine participated in a National Gymnastics competition. Her part, Acrobatic Gymnastics, was held over four days with all the different levels and age groups. It was a real challenge for her trio, they had been competing at level 3A (and came 4th in the state) but the National competition started at level 4 so they had less than a month to learn some more difficult skills and change their routines. They’ve been working really hard. Unfortunately in their first routine they fell out of the tower skill after less than a second (you have to hold it for 3 seconds) and lost a lot of points. Abbey, the little ‘top’ of the trio was very upset. But they came back strong in their second routine and I was very proud of them.

I don't have the professional photos yet, this is a blurry still from the video I took.

 And a couple of shots of our club's highest level athletes.

The big excitement was that Jasmine’s club, Acrogym, came first overall! We are the Australian National champions!

We didn’t get much time off from watching and supporting the team, but we did manage a little time at the beach, and one morning at SeaWorld. And we had a lovely view from our hotel.

I only gained 0.5 kg which I was very happy about considering we ate out every meal, plus some snacks. We did do a lot of walking. But also a lot of sitting!

I had a funny time at the doctor's last week. I'd only seen her once before, a month before when she gave me a script for Duromine (phentermine). At that appointment she didn't weigh me, I told her I'd weighed 77kg that morning and she accepted that figure.

At this second appointment I told her that I had lost 3kg in the first two weeks, nothing in the second two weeks. She put me on her scale, which she couldn't get to work for a while - probably flat batteries. When I finally stepped on, it showed 68.7 kg, a huge loss. I tried a couple of times to insist it couldn’t be right, I hadn’t lost that much, I had weighed myself at home on my usual scale. But she didn’t seem to listen and just kept praising the loss and I gave up, I’m not very assertive. But it means she has that on my record now and the next weigh-in is going to be very disappointing!

Milk

Saturday:

My weight is disappointingly up a little bit this week, 74.0kg. I blame the freezing rainy windy weather. I only got out for one walk all week. And I eat when I'm cooped up and bored. On the plus side, I am still sleeping well with no night sweats.

There are six women I work with over the two libraries, all friendly helpful people. But I'm having a slight problem with Stacey, who I was in the same library as for the first time this week. She is … too helpful? Or just doesn't listen? It started with the milk. I brought in milk to have in my tea, not knowing if there would be any there already. Stacey fussed because there was already milk in the work fridge that I could use, so I should take mine home again. But it turned out the choices were milk that was already several days past its 'best before' date (she made me sniff it and agree it still smelled ok); or her skim milk, when I prefer full cream milk, and it was right on it's 'best before' date anyway; or a frozen solid bottle defrosting on the sink that was mine from two weeks ago that someone put in the freezer - but I had no way of knowing if it had been frozen straight away or after it got old. So I wanted to keep my fresh new milk. She kept fussing and fussing about it, I should take it home so it wasn't wasted. I had plenty of milk at home, and this was a couple of dollars worth, and I didn't want any of the other three choices! My polite rebuttles were not heard.

The first day I conveniently 'forgot' to take it home with me. The next morning she started in again. Really? And she checked with me as I was leaving that I hadn't forgotten again. So I had a brainwave. I took the frozen/thawed milk of doubtful freshness home with me, and left the new one at work. And tipped the old one down the sink when I got home. And tipped the really old one down the sink at work. So we're down to two bottles at work, my fresh one and her out of date skim milk. She hasn't mentioned it again (yet).

The second incident was I had ordered a book I wanted to read from another library a couple of weeks ago, then I had a week off work. Stacey mentioned that it had come in while I was away. So she sent it back. What? She didn't keep it for me for a week, or (maybe not knowing when I was coming back) contact me to let me know it had arrived so I could come in and pick it up? She just … sent it back.

And finally, a very trivial incident on its own, she asked if I wanted some herbal tea she had just made. I said no thanks. So she gave me some. I guess I have to start being a lot more assertive.

But the milk thing was pretty funny.

It's working

Saturday:

After one week on Duromine (phentermine) I am down to 74.3kg, a loss of 2.7kg in the first week! Awesome! I know half of that is water weight, but who cares? The first week is so motivating. My clothes already fit better and my stomach is less bloated. No cravings for junk food, and although I get hungry at mealtimes I'm satisfied with less, and I can wait for the meal instead of having a snack to tide me over. Hunger seems less life-or-death when it is not paired with cravings.

Perhaps best of all is I've had a whole week with no night sweats! I don't know why Duromine has that effect for me, but it nearly always does. I have some other sleep issues but I'm getting so much more sleep than I was, I feel normal again - tired at the end of the day instead of exhausted all the time. A human again instead of a zombie.

We saw an echidna last week on a family walk to the local shops, in a tiny pocket of bushland beside the road. I've never seen one in the wild before, not for certain. It's a prickly creature like a hedgehog or porcupine. It and the platypus are the only two mammals in the world that lay eggs. It was bigger than I expected. You really do see kangaroos all the time in Australia, in Canberra I've seen them on the school oval or literally hopping down the street, but echidnas, koalas and platypus are much more elusive.

I've finished this block of work at the library, the original plan was that I have four weeks off before they need me again, but they may actually need me earlier. Either way is fine, as long as I get this week off! I need a haircut, and I've got a tradesman coming to fix our dodgy lights, and a few other things lined up. It's hard to get everything done when you're working.

I ran storytime at the library last week. Although it is an adult education institution, we teach childcare (so why don't the students do it?) and there is a childcare centre next door. They come over once a week. Lynn usually does the storytime but was needed elsewhere, Maya refuses to do it, so they asked me. I was really nervous when I ran it once last year as part of my work experience but I was fine this time. They are just kids - 23 of them! 3-4 year-olds.

I chose a theme and read them "You can't take an elephant on the bus" to which I added lots of little comments (did you know a blue whale's tongue is a big as an elephant?), got them up to dance to "Going to the zoo" then another story "Too many elephants in this house." Then we coloured in - guess what!? - a picture of an elephant that could be turned into a mask. It all went very well. And I got a comment from a bystander on how nice my singing voice is, which was lovely of them. 

Sickness has struck the house again. Jasmine was home the last three days, luckily she is mostly better as she has the State Final Acrogym competition this afternoon! Tim came home early Thursday and is still feeling awful. I stayed home yesterday (so I'll have to go to the library next week to hand in my keys and pick up my stuff) but wasn't as bad as them, and I'm fine today. Aiden seems to have dodged it so far.

I saw this tip on English spelling at work and it made me laugh:
"i before e - except when your foreign neighbour Keith received eight counterfeit beige sleighs from feisty caffeinated weightlifters. Weird."

Hello new library

Saturday:

I started a post about two weeks ago but didn't get very far!

I've been in my new libraries for three weeks now. I've slotted in easily and I'm glad to be there. I'm working at two libraries, most of the staff rotate between the two, both are very close to my home so the short commute is great. The staff are lovely, which I knew from my work experience last year. Usually 2 people staffing the smaller library, 3 at the slightly larger. I've had two new sets of procedures to learn/remember. It's the same computer system as I'm used to, but just finding where things are kept (twice!) is a challenge. And some things are different in each place - like my old library stored some info on a Excel spreadsheet plus a card file, one of the new libraries has printouts in a folder, and one doesn't keep records of that particular information at all. My two current libraries have the same manager so why are they different? Arg! Anyway.

It already looks like I'll be getting more work than was originally offered, so that is great. Although I was kind of looking forward to some time off!

The work itself is fine, but I'm having a hard time nonetheless. My menopause symptoms continue (I haven't seen my gyno yet, don't know if she will be able to help) and I'm exhausted all the time. Tired and cold = hungry and my weight has leapt up to 77kg. Which I think has brought my sleep apnoea back. Which makes me more exhausted. Round and round we go. Most of my work clothes don't fit, or look horrible. So as of today I am back on Duromine. I just can't function like this, I am barely getting through the days. I know Duromine can disrupt sleep, as it did mine last time I tried it (before that it seemed to actually help me sleep) but we'll see. I know I'll lose weight and have more alertness and energy during the day. I'm walking every lunchtime and just started a Tai Chi DVD at home.

Sunday:

I was a bit wakeful during the night, but no night sweats! So that is a start. And the bathroom scales are showing a downward movement already.

Sluggish

Saturday:

I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster - but it just made him sluggish.

It will be my birthday on Tuesday. So I haven't started my diet yet. Or lifestyle change, or whatever you want to call it. My challenge to be healthier by 50. I have a little party tomorrow and then a dinner out on the day. Then I'll start...

Two weeks left at my current workplace, then a week off (it will be school holidays) then I start at the other Library, four weeks on then four weeks off then (hopefully) another 3 months. Another good opportunity has just come up elsewhere that I'm also applying for. It is a great job with the downside of a longer commute. I'm thinking if they offer me the job I will ask if I can go part-time, five days a week but shorter days so I can get home before dinnertime to see my kids - and avoid the worst of the traffic too. We'll see.

A really bad flu has been going around. I had it and was sick for two weeks although I only took two days off work. Then Aiden had it and now Jasmine. She had this whole week off school, very unusual for her. I left her home alone most days but left work early. Today she came with me to do the grocery shopping but had to go and sit outside the supermarket while I finished and went straight to bed when we got home. She started to get sick last Sunday during an Acrogymnastics competition, her trio managed to qualify for the State Final but were definitely not at their best. Luckily it's a few more weeks to the Final, she's missed a lot of training.

The house and yard are shambles at the moment. We get no time during the week, and precious little on the weekends. Welcome to the working world.

My own little library

Friday:

Hello again! I haven't had much to report on the weight-loss front; I've gained a couple of kilograms over Easter and Mother's Day. I actually haven't weighed myself for a few weeks. In denial. No formal exercise, but I move around quite a lot at work and generally get close to 10,000 steps. I know I need to do more.

Work has been keeping me very busy. We just had Library Week which included hosting an Australia's Biggest Morning Tea event, raising money for cancer research, in two libraries over two days. 200 people in one and over 500 in the other! Spread out over about 2 hours each time, but still constant work preparing food and running back and forth from the kitchen keeping the plates and milk jugs filled, collecting donations, running games and quizzes, cleaning up afterwards. I've got today off because I was exhausted! Actually I asked for half a day, but then the shutter people called to say they could install our plantation shutters, so I got the whole day. Luxury.

Work is going really well. After finishing my Diploma last year, I started work in March this year at a TAFE (adult education) library. The three tiers of responsibility/prestige are Librarian at the top, Library Technician in the middle, then Library Assistant. I qualified as a Tech but was only able to find work as an Assistant at first. But one of my colleagues is currently on Long Service Leave so I stepped up into her job - finally being paid/treated at a Tech! The biggest difference is that two days a week I'm staffing a quiet little library all by myself (back at the old library the other days). I think this shows my boss has a lot of faith in me. I only had about three hours handover so trying to work out where everything is is a challenge! It's mostly the same systems as at my previous/main library but I have additional duties because I do everything. I love having my own little library, I feel like the boss (actually my real boss manages four libraries so I still answer to the same person), but it is quite lonely not having other staff to chat to. Of course I talk to the students a bit but it's not the same as having a chat to people you see every day.

First morning at my little library, before anyone comes in:

Full of people for Australia's Biggest Morning Tea, held all around the country to raise money for cancer research:

This TAFE teaches Horticulture and the students maintain the gardens so it is quite pretty, it's a pity I never get to go outside! Being there by myself means I'm always available, I have lunch and breaks in the office where I can see if anyone needs me - luckily there are plenty of quiet times.

My "dream job" is doing the same duties but back at the TAFE library where I did my work experience last year during my Diploma. It's closer to home and also includes some cataloguing, which is my absolute favourite part of being a library tech and they don't do it in-house at the cluster I currently work in. And guess what! I got in contact with the manager there, who of course I'd met when I did work placement, telling her how keen I was to work there, she said there might be some casual positions coming up and she'd let me know. She did, I had a formal interview (along with a lot of other people) a couple of weeks ago and got rated as suitable to be on the approved applicants list. When preparing for the interview I read about the importance of thanking your interviewer the next day, which seemed weird and uncomfortable to me, too pushy and obviously "pick me!", wasting their valuable time. But the day I got the approval I emailed to thank her for helping make the process so stress-free and how much I was looking forward to maybe working with her in the future. And the next day she offered me a position! I don't know if the thank you triggered that, but it certainly didn't hurt.

It's not a permanent job, but it's as a Library Tech in July/August while someone is away (by then I would have dropped back down to Assistant where I am), with more work probably coming up later in the year. My current boss previously indicated that she would try to backfill my position there with a casual so I could come back to it, but even if she can't I think it is worth the risk. A month at work, a month off, two weeks on, two weeks off, two months on, Christmas off.... sounds perfect!! Actually looking at the dates that have been suggested, I would be working most of term time and not during the school holidays which really is ideal for me. Of course there always the chance I would end up not getting much work next year but I'll risk it. Getting my foot wedged firmly in the door!

Hello again

Wednesday:

Hello again. I keep forgetting to post. Very busy with work plus all the other stuff that used to fill my days. Work at the library is going well. I have more experience so I don’t have to ask for help much, and I enjoy most of it - and the bits I don’t enjoy so much I still feel are contributing to the betterment of the world. Today I was sitting in the office (not at the circulation desk where we help people) and a student came to the door and handed me a little container of home made food and thanked me for taking lots of time to help her the other day. Wasn’t that lovely! It made me feel happy for the rest of the day, every time I thought of it. I’d already had lunch so I put it in the fridge to try tomorrow. I’m not sure what it is, something Middle Eastern. Kofta maybe.

I opened the library by myself today, coming in early and turning on all the systems and lights etc. Not difficult, but it’s a responsibility. I’d done it once before when Rita was sick, and I arrived 15 mins after we were supposed to open to find everything dark and patrons waiting at the door. I felt very flustered that day! This morning was much more relaxed. Another new responsibility is giving Library Orientation talks to class groups. That is stressful! I go through a PowerPoint of important info (how many books they can borrow, library fines etc) then show them around. I don’t know why they are only having Orientation now, at the very end of the term! I find public speaking nerve-racking, but I do ok.

I’ve been keeping an eye out for other jobs, just in case something really good came up. And I’ve been in contact with my boss from the library I did my work placement in, and she let me know of a job opportunity coming up there. Closer to home and better paid than this one. And they know and like me (and me them) so I feel like I have a good chance even though I don’t have a lot of experience yet. I was worried about telling my current boss (I had to ask her if she be a referee) considering she hired me only about six weeks ago, but she was lovely about it and even said if I got a short-term position they might be able to take me back afterwards. So I’m feeling very appreciated at the moment.

My weight has been stable, 71.8kg this week. I keep going on and off the Duromine (phentermine) because it is really disrupting my sleep this time around. But it does suppress my appetite, so after a few days off I try again.

Back

Monday:

It looks like I will start my new job on Wednesday if they can get the paperwork through on time. It's the same position as I did for my work experience so I should be able to jump right in, and hopefully less than 30 mins drive away. I'm still a little worried about it being full time, and I don't know my shifts yet, but I'm trying to focus on the happy and exciting aspects. I guess I'm nervous! I've got my useful notes together, and my 'work' mug for tea. I've used it for over 20 years, ever since someone gave it to me in a Secret Santa at work. I use a cup and saucer at home, but this mug is small and delicate so I like it. Amazing it's lasted so long.

I'll have to plan for extra cooking at dinner to have enough leftovers for lunch for everyone.

On Saturday I did some vigorous gardening, hefting bags of soil around and digging out entrenched recalcitrant weedy plants in preparation for putting in some new shrubs. After an hour of hard work I was gently spreading the soil around with the edge of the spade when bam! a horrible back spasm hit me and I nearly fell over. I've never had back issues before except for soreness from bad posture at a desk all day. This was like my whole lower back was clenched up. Painful. It's weird that it happened then, not when I was doing strenuous work, but I guess I was bending and twisting? I held myself up with the spade and waited but it didn't seem to be fading. After a few minutes Tim wandered outside so he helped me to the garden furniture so I could sit. The worst pain went after about 15 minutes but it is still a bit sore two days later after hot baths and massage and heat packs and pain killers. Sunday morning when I got out of bed it took me 5 mins just to shuffle to the bathroom. I probably need to strengthen my core - I've had non-existent stomach muscles since having kids.

I dropped to 15mg Duromine for a couple of days but started 30mg again today, although it probably wasn't the dosage's fault that I was stress eating! I weighed 72.1kg this morning, a gain of 0.1kg. I feel back on track today.

It's been about four weeks since I restarted my gym membership and I've been twice, less than an hour of exercise total. Partly due to having the flu, but mainly I just don't want to go. I'll try to get there tomorrow with my sister-in-law if my back is ok, for a gentle oldies class that has replaced Zumba (shakes fist in annoyance) but then I will cancel my membership. If I can't make myself go when I'm unemployed with all the time in the world, there is no way I'll manage it while working full time and still being a good parent (and taxi service for the kids!). But I need regular exercise, as my sore back is emphasising. Dance at home with the Xbox and walking in my lunch break maybe. I enjoy both those things.

Last weekend at family dinner there wasn't really enough roast meat to go around, this week everyone dropped out of coming over except my father-in-law so there are plenty of leftovers (you can't really divide up a leg of lamb before you cook it). I do wish I knew before about 3.30 in the afternoon how many people were coming for dinner! Some number between just the four of us and 19 people. Most often around 12. But at least it motivates us to clean the house every Sunday.

Sick

Monday:

I lost 0.7kg this week, down to 72.0 and I'm happy with that. I've been sick with a mild flu since last Wednesday (Tim now has it too) which usually encourages me to turn to 'comfort food' ie carbs and fat so I did well. Also this strain of flu seems to be a real mood downer, both Tim and I have felt quite depressed. I have eaten more chocolate than I had been the previous few weeks (it was also Valentine's Day last week) but otherwise have eaten healthily.

I'm feeling in limbo again about work. I’ve been accepted for casual work ‘on nomination’ whatever that means - I assume that they will call if they need me. So I just wait around.... I’m not enjoying the uncertainty at all. Of course I’m still looking for permanent work, but there is not a lot available for someone with no experience, so getting some casual work would really help me get a permanent position. I’m bored and lonely at home alone all day. Or maybe that is just the flu talking.

I have a few projects to keep me busy. We plan to go to France sometime soon (we've been talking about it for years, ever since we did a Contiki tour of Europe on our honeymoon) so Tim and I are brushing up on our High School French. Jasmine has learned some Italian and Spanish at school which are in the same family ('romance languages') as French and is learning with us on the app Duolingo. I plan to take up guitar again, Tim gave me an acoustic guitar years ago and I was doing quite well learning but then stopped. Since then I bought him an electric guitar - which is thinner so my bosom and stomach don't get in the way so much - but when I tried to tune it last week I broke a string. I have also been teaching myself to use Excel spreadsheets since a couple of jobs have mentioned it and it would be handy to have a basic knowledge.

I also plan to create a book of all our favourite recipes to give a copy to each child when they eventually leave home. I have to remember to photograph each meal.

Aiden left for a three day school camp this morning. I'll miss my baby.

Placebo

Wednesday:

I only lost 0.1kg this week, even though I increased my Duromine dosage midweek, however in the two days since my official weigh-in my weight has started dropping again so I’m happy.

I just watched Dr Mosley’s show about placebos. In his experiment, building on the work of others, he told a group of back-pain sufferers that they would be randomly allocated either a new powerful painkiller or a placebo. They wouldn’t know if they got the real medicine or not. In fact everyone got a placebo - a pill with rice flour in it. Three weeks later something like 46% had shown improvement, some were now completely pain free. He told them it was a placebo, but many continued to get benefit even when they knew there was no active ingredient in their medicine. The only known thing that made it more likely to work was having more quality time with the doctor who gave it to them.

Another study was done with people on lifelong toxic immunosuppressants after an organ transplant. They were given a nasty drink every time they had their medicine (pink milkshake with lavender oil, dyed green). After a while their body associated the drink with the medicine, and just taking the drink  caused their body to react as if they had had the medicine as well (but wouldn’t they still get the side effects in that case? They didn’t say). Dr Mosley tried this on himself by drinking the same nasty milkshake and taking a caffiene pill every day for a week, then testing his reaction times. Sure enough after a week just drinking the milkshake was enough to speed him up - and make him feel a bit jittery.

I plan to do this with my Duromine. I only expect to be on it for two more months but I won’t be at my goal weight even if I lose an optimistic kilogram a week. But if I do something - it has to be something you don’t usually do... what about a blood sugar finger prick test? Little stab of pain and the ritual of checking... then I can keep doing that when I stop taking Duromine and my body should suppress its own appetite.

We are having an insect invasion today. This morning Jasmine’s school bag was full of tiny ants, I found and sprayed the trail coming from a ceiling light. And sprayed again an hour later when they kept coming. And I’m squishing an ant climbing my leg or investigating my water glass about every 4 or 5 minutes, but I can’t see where they are coming from now. And I’ve swatted six flies, and there is another one swooping around. And I stomped on a cockroach, we hardly ever get them in the house here. Very weird. And there is a wasp lurking outside the back door today, I’ll have to look for the
nest. I don’t know what is going on today.

I went to the gym this morning and did 20 mins on treadmill/rower/elliptical. Exhausting. I’m so unfit.

Up and down

Monday:

I lost another 0.5 kg this week, bringing me down to 72.8kg. Not as much as I was hoping, I admit, but it’s true there were a lot of temptations and a few treats this week. Jasmine’s birthday party, her actual birthday and then her family dinner, and family celebration for Chinese New Year. I never ate a lot, but some sugar crept in. Speaking of which, I’ve managed tea without sugar for three weeks now (my record is six weeks), still not used to it, but I learned to appreciate it more after yesterday trying tea without sugar OR milk. Yuck! Bitter and horrible. Probably not cause and effect, but I then spent the whole morning lying on my bed with waves of sickening nausea. I think I’ll keep my tiny splash of milk, thank you.

I tried the tea without even milk because I am trying TRE - time restricted eating - where you extend your overnight fast, which means I don't snack after dinner and I often don't eat breakfast (I do if I'm hungry, or if I'm worried about not having access to healthy food when I do get hungry). The internet is divided if a splash of milk in my essential morning tea - 14 calories - breaks the fast and undoes all the benefits. After my one day trial I'm just going to have my tea with milk and not worry about it.

Wednesday:

By the middle of last week my weight was down to 72.7kg then overnight bounced back up to 73.2, nearly where I started. I didn't worry, daily fluctuations are normal. I was hoping it was just a blip and would disappear as quickly as it came, it didn't but by Monday I was down to 72.8kg, a moderate loss of 0.5kg for the week. Then yesterday the scale bounced back up to 73.3kg.... half a kilogram reappearing by magic (black magic obviously). Arg! This weight is pretty much what I maintained at for a lot of last year before I put on weight over Christmas, clearly it is my body's current 'set point'. I know if I keep up the low-carb calorie deficit it will shift eventually.

I've had no energy and I've been sitting around reading and watching TV a lot. I think low calorie or low carb was making me feel weak and tired and a bit listless (depressed is much too strong a word, but I didn't feel much motivation to do anything). I still haven't got back to the gym. I've also started to feel a bit hungrier and was finding it harder to resist temptations. So today (after a biggish breakfast and a couple of hours of reading instead of going to the gym) I decided to increase my Duromine from 15mg to 30mg and took an extra pill - this was always my doctor's plan, to start with 15mg then increase - and I already feel more energetic and chirpy. I bustled around doing some neglected housework and when the doorbell rang I positively bounded downstairs. So we'll see how this goes.

I came across some photos of me from just after we moved three years ago. I must have been at my highest weight then and I looked awful. So puffy and unhealthy. I'm so much happier with current photos, even one of me in a swimming costume by the pool. It's only 3 or 4 kg difference, but it makes a big difference to my eyes.

A section of our fence blew down in a big storm and it's in the process of being fixed, but in the meantime our neighbours dog Casper keeps wandering into our yard. I don't mind, he's a nice old Golden Retriever, about 15 years old and very gentle. He can't get into our pool area so he's safe. His owners have a pool and he loves swimming with them (Retriever's were originally bred to retrieve shot ducks from water, they love swimming) but I'd worry if he went in unsupervised. He's currently having a good sniff outside my window.

Wedding

Monday:

I lost another 0.8kg this week, down to 73.3kg. I am mostly happy with smaller portions of healthier food, a couple of days I've been hungrier and I've just eaten a bit more. Some days I have breakfast, some I don't. Sometimes I have a snack in the afternoon, sometimes not. I always stop eating for the day straight after dinner (maybe with one chocolate from my Christmas stash for dessert). No evening snacks. And I've given up sugar in my tea (yet again). It's not the same. But worth it. My waist is down to 95cm.

My father-in-law's wedding was yesterday. Everyone was really concerned about the heat, the forecast was for about 37C. We got there an hour early to help set up and it was stinking hot. The plan was for the ceremony to be on the (unfinished) balcony with the rest of us on the grass but the promised strip of shade was tiny, not even enough for one row of chairs. We expecting nearly 50 people.

I just resigned myself to it and the kids and I helped inside in the air conditioning setting up the tables for dinner.

I should have made sure I got a photo of me with decent lighting! I was in my prettiest dress.

Luckily by 4.30 when everything was ready the sun had moved enough to get two rows of chairs in the shade, the rest were squeezed up on the balcony, and also it had cooled down a bit. The bride and groom decided on non-traditional attire! They looked great. Jasmine was a ring bearer along with a grandchild of Jo.

As soon as the ceremony was finished and they were signing the official forms, the looming skies opened and it began to pour rain (or 'piss down' as we say in Australia). Everyone ran for the house, leaving behind their chairs which we needed for the dinner despite me trying to get people to take them in. Me and a couple of other people went back and forth dragging them in. Someone even asked me to fetch the bag they had left behind in their rush! I don't mind the rain though, much better than heat.

The dinner was catered and quite good as these things go. Carved roast meat, a few hot dishes like lasagne, lots of salads. I ended up eating only a few hundred extra calories - but mostly in the form of sugar; dessert and a lemonade. It didn't make me feel great.

The wedding cake was unfortunately a bit of a disaster. Despite it being ordered weeks in advance and the baker contacted the day before, it wasn't ready and my sister-in-law had to wait around and stand over them while it was finished to a very poor standard. The 'cream cheese icing' was just tangy cream cheese like you'd put on a cracker not on a cake! The cake was overcooked and it didn't look professional at all. I don't think anyone ate more than a bite or two. My 2-year-old niece was so excited at the pink icing swirls until she tasted it then spat it out. Bit of a shame, but I don't think anyone cared much really. It's only cake. And we'd already had dessert.

The rain continued to pour and the flat front yard, with cars parked all over it, was a shallow lake. I raised the issue of bogging to the owner of the house and he checked outside then advised everyone to move their cars out to the shoulder of the road. By the time we left at 9.30 we had to wade to the car through ankle deep water up the long gravel driveway. I was the only one with dry feet - I was wearing boots! We had to dodge frogs on the road, but we made it home through the downpour. We heard today that the owner of a three-ton motorhome waited too long to move it and got bogged. They stayed overnight and tried again this morning only to dig it in deeper. They are going to have to winch it out.

Despite all the little disasters all these events tend to attract, it was a good day and I think they are well suited to each other.

Jasmine is about to turn 15 and she had her party today. Pool party with friends this afternoon, pizza (I made myself and Tim a healthy dinner and have stayed away from all the snacks, but I did have a slice of ridiculously expensive icecream cake) and two girls have stayed for a sleep over. They will be up watching movies half the night. Apart from providing food, I no longer need to organise anything. Her actual birthday is Wednesday which is Aiden's first day of High School but she doesn't start until the following day so we'll spend the day together.

I feel thinner

Monday:

I lost a massive 2.5kg this week, 2 of that since restarting Duromine, and I feel thinner already. I'm hoping for around 1kg per week from now on. Duromine (phentermine) doesn't lose the weight for you, but it suppresses appetite. It's so much easier to resist temptations, and there have been plenty. I didn't measure my waist at the start, but it was 96cm this morning which I think is my equal lowest. I tried a bit of TRE - time restricted eating - when you lengthen the overnight period you don't eat. No snacks after dinner and maybe a later breakfast or don't eat to lunchtime depending on how long you're going for. Apparently anything over 12 hours without eating lets your body go into autophagy which is the natural repair cycle - dumping old damaged cells and building new ones. Very beneficial. And you lose more weight eating the same amount of food over 24 hours if you eat in a smaller time window. I'm not pushing it - I eat when I get hungry - but I've never liked early breakfast and no snacking in the evening has got to be good for me!

My father-in-law is remarrying next weekend. His wife died 10 or so years ago of MS and he's been with his current partner Jo for about five. On Friday the 'girls' of the family took her out to dinner as a sort of Hen's night, then Saturday the 'boys' took Des out. She has children and grandchildren who will be there for the wedding of course but they don't live nearby so we did it. I have no concerns about the marriage, only the wedding itself which will be an hour inland from here at the groom's brother's property where the temperatures are up to 10 degrees hotter - in the middle on an Australian summer! The ceremony probably outdoors (under shade)! The forecast is for 37C. I am not looking forward to that. The dinner (catered roast on a spit I think) will be eaten inside in the air conditioning but even the roomiest house would be crowded with around 50 people. And when I visited that house a year ago it was still under construction and I was shocked to find out they had been building it for 20 years... apparently they have stairs up to the front door now so you don't have to climb on cinderblocks through the garage... I tried to talk them out of the venue, but it's their choice so I'll just have to sweat and bear it.

Tim is back at work today but the kids still have a week before school starts. My little Aiden starting High School! Still can't believe it.

Bingle

Monday:

I was involved in a very minor car accident today. I backed out of my parking spot at the shops at the same time as someone behind me - not directly behind or we would have seen each other - we crunched together when we both curved out of our spot. Each car ended up with a broken light cover and a dent. I’ve let my insurance know and booked in for repair tomorrow. No one was hurt and the other guy was very nice so it’s merely an annoyance. Neither of us really knew what to do! We got each other’s drivers licence details but I didn’t think to get his car make/model etc that my insurance asked for.

I saw my doctor and got another script for Duromine, just the lowest dose of 15mg. I need to kick start weight loss again after the depredations of Christmas and holidays. I’ll also restart my gym membership, which I put on hold as I wasn’t making time to go. My weight this morning was 76.6kg, about 5kg up from a few months ago. A slow increase was turning into a fast increase. So easy to get used to slipping back into bad habits. My doctor asked why maintenance had turned into a regain, I suggested it was partly eating from boredom. I finished my course six months ago and I’ve felt a bit directionless since then. So she asked what I was going to do to turn that around. I hope to get a job of course, but I might need to put more thought into other strategies until then. I really liked my doctor’s attitude; willing to give me the Duromine as a short term help but also wanting to help long term. The series of young female doctors at this practice (they only stay for six months as part of their training) have been consistently enthusiastic and lovely - haven't been doing it long enough to get jaded and grumpy!

Tuesday:

My weight this morning was 76.1kg so I lost half a kg of holiday water weight since yesterday. I restarted Duromine today and feel good. Able to eat less, a bit more energy. Actually a tiny bit hyper, I'm sure that will pass.