End of Lockdown

 Morning everyone!

Lockdown in Sydney lifts tomorrow, with another few weeks of gradually increasing freedoms but basically as a vaccinated person I can do stuff from tomorrow. Shops are opening. We can see other people. The media call it Freedom Day (which they did in the UK as well, and maybe elsewhere) but I don't really like the term and some military veterans find it offensive.  

I've been in lockdown for about four months I think, leaving the house only to do the grocery shopping. And I have put on weight. Up to 88.1kg this morning, my heaviest ever, which is rather horrifying and terrible for my body. My feet hurt all the time, and my right knee when I go down stairs. I don't sleep well. I just haven't been able to find any motivation to do anything about it. Food is my friend, and I have zero interest in exercise. Hopefully that is all about to change as life gets back on track.

My boss contacted me a couple of days ago to come back to work next week! Yay! Only booked in for a week so far but I'm sure that will lead to more now that everything is opening up. I am a library technician, I had just newly retrained as one a few years ago and gave up a more secure position for one that was better for me in every way - much better location close to where I live, higher pay, lovely people - except that it was casual not permanent. That was fine for the first six months, I worked almost full time and who minds a week off here and there! Perfect! Then the pandemic arrived. Suddenly being casual wasn't so good. Permanent staff worked even when the libraries were closed, they did a lot online, but they didn't need me. A year with no work, then employed for six weeks, then Delta hit and I had another (much stricter) four months at home. Really hoping now that the majority of Sydney is vaccinated that the lockdowns can end. 

Ironically of course there is all the other things I need to be doing now that lockdown is ending, and can't because I'll be at work all day. My son desperately needs a haircut and shoes and clothes that fit. My daughter is about to start her final exams and I won't be able to drive her back and forth, she'll have to catch buses which might not go at convenient times (she only has to be at school for exams, no regular school day). Her gymnastics will also start up again face to face instead of zoom classes so I'll be juggling getting her to that. I have a few medical issues to follow up: mammogram, colonoscopy, probably should see someone about my feet. Oh well, I can cross fingers that I get the perfect balance of regular work but not every single day between now and Christmas!

None of my work clothes fit. Not a single skirt or pair of pants. Not even black jeans pretending to be trousers. And no way to shop before Monday (my boss only called Thursday, so too late to find something online). So I'll be wearing a work-appropriate top with dark blue jeans every day. It's not terrible, for a library, but not what I would prefer to wear. No-one dresses business-formal (except the boss librarian, who always looks very professional) but no-one wears jeans either. Oh well, I'm sure the students (it's an adult education library) won't notice or care. 

My husband has been working half days all this time, his workplace had morning and afternoon shifts (and cleaned the office in between) so that if one group got sick they would still have half the staff to carry on. He is back to full time tomorrow and not looking forward to getting up early in the morning! My teenage son has two more weeks of Zoom before school restarts face to face. 

We've had some lovely spring weather and I have been getting out in the garden a bit more. But the forecast is for a week of cold rain so I won't mind being in the library all day. And it's going to be awesome seeing people other than my (lovely and beloved) family and doing some useful work. 

Have a great day. 

Only models

Sunday:

I’ve been binge-watching old seasons of Project Runway. In one episode they had to design resort-wear, and the host said something like this to the eliminated contestant: ‘You mentioned that your grandmother was your inspiration, and it showed.’

Very clear. Not allowed to design clothes that would look nice on an older woman, make her feel comfortable and attractive on a holiday. Only allowed to design for skinny six foot tall models, because they are the only people who need clothes.

Not too small

Sunday:

Last night I rummaged through my box of 'too small' clothes, looking for an old belt. I haven't been this small for over ten years, and some of the clothes are probably twenty years old! I only kept my very favourites, plus there were a few things from my mother's wardrobe after she died. I kept some clothes of hers but throw out more every time I go through them, the only thing I actually wear is one white cardigan. Anyway, I didn't find the belt but I was looking at a couple of size 12 skirts and some purple corduroy jeans and wondered if I could fit into them. I didn't really think so. So small! I have bought a couple of size 12 items recently (US size 10) but didn't really believe that was my new official size yet.

The fit easily! The jeans are even a tiny bit loose! I suddenly have two 'new' skirts to wear to work and some cool purple jeans. Yet the size 12 jacket and coat are a bit too small. I dug everything out of the box and hung it up in the closet (and tidied and rearranged everything), hoping I will fit into more things soon. The smallest are a couple of favourite sundresses in size 8 (US 4), I don't know if I'll ever get into those! I used to wear them when dating Tim and he remembers them fondly. But mostly the box contained formal dresses that I might fit into soon, if I ever have anywhere to wear them.

By summer I should be throwing out a lot more 'big' clothes.

Tim and I learned something about the USA today. He has a work trip coming up and had to book accommodation. Only after booking did he realise that Washington DC and Washington are not only different places, but on completely opposite sides of the country! Who names stuff like that? (If I knew they were different, I still would have thought one was a city inside the other.) Luckily he booked the right one (DC). He's quite stressed about the whole tipping thing. We don't do it in Australia, or rarely. He was reading up, sounds like you tip everyone. Even if you don't see them, like leaving a tip for the person who cleans your hotel room. Means you have to carry a lot of cash all the time. We're used to using our cards for everything, if we leave a tip at a restaurant we add it to the bill. And then it's however much you like, not a set amount. (People's wages are much higher here, of course, they don't survive on tips.)

And taxes aren't included in anything so you don't know how much anything is even when it has a price on it? Is that right? You'd think Australia and USA would be very similar, but there seem to be quite a few day to day differences.

We're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate a family birthday. I'm determined not to derail this week's weight loss - I'm currently at my lowest ever (well, not ever I guess, I was a baby once, but for the past ten years at least). Shouldn't be too hard, I'm still not very hungry today.

Dress code

Thursday:

Today one of the librarians came in with her shirt unbuttoned rather low. She’s an attractive woman, always nicely dressed with skilful makeup, and I wasn’t sure if the unbuttoning was deliberate. I felt that if I said something, I would be implying that I disapproved and what if it was a style choice? She wasn’t actually revealing much. After a little while she looked down and commented that her button kept coming undone, and calmly did it back up. I think I was right not to say anything. But I would want to know, if it was me and I was dealing with students.

The cookery school is directly opposite the library. On Tuesday the students brought in a menu of things that they were making and that we could buy for lunch very cheaply. I didn’t go, but both the librarians did. Today the barista students brought in boxes of cupcakes and trays of coffee and hot chocolate! All free. We put it on the library counter to share with everyone who came in. I had half a cupcake (too sweet). I’m a bit worried about being plied with food twice a week!

I’m finding this whole work thing exhausting. Learning new things, and on my feet most of the time, and interacting with lots of people. A bit different to my usual routine! And I don’t get a lunch break because I’m only doing part time hours, only a short tea break. Today I had to remind them I needed one. No wonder I get home and collapse. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. I am enjoying it, even if I don’t get time to take a breath.

Smaller

Thursday:

I did a little clothes shopping today, I’m about to start my work placement on Monday and I needed more autumn/winter variety in work clothes. I managed to find two warmer tops to go with my new trousers. One shop didn’t have a Medium in the top I liked, I tried a Large and it was much too big. Even the shop assistant commented how baggy it was - and usually they try to sell you anything! She apologised for not having my size. On a whim I tried a Small and it fit perfectly. When I took it up to the counter, the same assistant was very surprised that I was going to buy it (the Large, she thought) and it was nice to say I had fit into the Small.

Another shop, for some reason I tried the Large first again. Too big, tried the Medium. Still too big. Tried the Small. Perfect! Different shops have different sizing, I fit in anything from a 12 to a 16 at the moment, but it looks like I should be trying the smaller sizes first.

Going well

Sunday:

Everything is going really well with the diet, in fact today I took back one pair of work trousers which I hadn't worn yet and still had the tags on and got the smaller size. I could squeeze into the smaller size when I was shopping two weeks ago, but it didn't look good! So I decided to get the bigger size, which was my 'old' size. I don't really care what the number on the label says. Anyway, I've lost 2kg this week and I decided to back myself to keep losing weight and fitting more smoothly into the smaller size trousers.

I'm eating healthy and in smaller portions, exercising, and sleeping better. No more nausea and the dry mouth is very mild, so it's back like the first couple of months I was on Duromine last year.

Life seems very busy at the moment. I need to spend more time on TAFE work, I’d love to do more gardening, and I have four birthdays this month to shop for - husband, niece, sister-in-law and brother! I’ve already spent a whole day on that with not much to show. After so many years of birthdays and Christmases you run out of ideas!

Library volunteer

Monday:

A few weeks ago Aiden's school library asked for volunteer helpers and I put my name down. It took a while to get the roster organised, but I started my one session a week today.

I really enjoyed my morning at the library. The teacher/librarian Debbie had only asked for half an hour but I stayed until 11:00. I think she was only planning to get parents to help with putting books on the shelves and maybe covering them. She seemed delighted when I said I was nearly a Library Tech, she showed me the computer system (very similar to the one we used at TAFE) and I did the returns on the system as well as re-shelving the books. All basic stuff, but she was actually teaching classes the whole time and only had a few minutes to show me in between kid-wrangling so it was good I was confident with it. I didn't do the loans today because students don't have their own library cards, the barcodes are all in a folder and Debbie knows all the kids' names so she's much quicker. I would have to ask every child their name and find their barcode. 

She's about to go on holidays for three weeks to China, they've only just found some one to replace her, I'm guessing the new person won't know the kids' names either! 

They use the 'Oliver' computer system which was also the one used by that other local school I was going to apply for a job at before I found I wasn't qualified - so it might be a common one at least in schools and therefore very good that I'm getting some experience with it. I learned what to do if the book was returned overdue (nothing!) or if they wanted to borrow more than the four allowed (let them!) or if a book was returned two years after the student left the school (excellent, finally!). All looks great on the resume!

It was definitely organised chaos, there were the classes that Debbie was teaching (researching sharks online) who returned and borrowed books, and also several groups of children (including my niece Emma) returned big baskets of books from their classrooms, and a few kids running in for other reasons like they left their mouthguard in the library on Friday. And they all seemed to accept me as a librarian and asked me stuff and gave me books to return. And an empty plastic bag, which I had no idea what to do with, but I accepted it as if I did. Turns out if they forget their library bag, the librarian gives them a plastic bag to use. It was great. 

I felt all businessy too (but still friendly and approachable), I wore a new outfit of navy pants and a white top and my ankle boots and strutted my way up to the school. Look at me, off to work! lol. The boots are very comfortable, as shoes go, but can't compare with sneakers. I was glad to get home and change after two hours on my feet. I'm not used to even low heels. 

This morning I weighed 74.9kg, a bit less than last Monday.

Last night a branch of the family who are always included in the Sunday dinner invitation but who rarely come, came. Without telling us before hand. So I didn't make enough crème brulee for everyone. And they are practicing Lent, so are not eating meat. I can usually cope with these large dinners, I'm used to it now, but still go into a bit of a brain meltdown when I have to deal with last minute stuff like that! The kids got ice cream instead of crème brulee, and the Lent adults insisted they were fine with whatever, which in this case was tortillas with just a bit of salad instead of the beef and chicken fajitas everyone else was having. I would have been so happy to organise some seafood for them if I'd known they were coming! I found it very stressful. I could have rushed around and tried to whip something up, but I decided if they turn up without notice and say they're fine, I will have to take them at their word.

Is it normal to not let your child eat sugar but be fine with them chewing on a crayon? Non-toxic doesn't mean edible!

Not a great day

Tuesday:

Today I spent three and a half frustrating fruitless hours looking for clothes for myself. Something pretty to wear on Christmas Day, and a new swimming cossie. Despite browsing in or at least poking my head in every single clothes shop in the enormous Miranda complex, I only tried on a handful of clothes. In two shops. I didn't buy anything. Everything was either hideous, or too small. Many clothes didn't even come close to my size. And if I go by what was on the racks, now swimming costumes are only made up Aus size 14 (US 12, Europe 44 I think) which I can't quite squeeze into. I tried. The two shops exclusively selling swimwear didn't cater to my size at all, nor did the department stores. Yet I'm not unusually large. Overweight, yes, but in a pretty average way. It seems larger people are expected to wear floaty nylon blouses, and never go swimming. Depressing waste of a day.

I know the big cheap stores like Target and Big W will have bigger sizes. (Target in Australia is not affiliated with Target in the US.) Luckily fat people don't care about fashion, or comfortable non-sweaty fabrics, or trying to look good. Why bother, right? Arg!

Feeling fat.

Tim pulled a muscle in his back at the gym today, and is very sore and walking around all twisted. He goes to the gym regularly at lunchtime, but had been too busy to go for a while, which may have contributed to the injury. I think it’s likely he’ll stiffen up overnight and be worse tomorrow, too.

In spring the pool heater took two or three days to get the water up to a nice temperature. More recently, only half a day. Today, when I checked in the morning it was already above the set temperature, without having to turn it on at all! We keep it at a lovely 29C. The kids and I went for a short swim after school (I stay out of the sun before that), then after dropping Jasmine at Acrogym Aiden and I went in again. And in the evening Aiden wanted to go in again, even though the air had cooled down a lot (water still warm of course) so Jasmine went out and watched him swim in the dark. We have solar garden lights and a pool light but they are all fairly dim so you definitely know it’s night time. I have a rule the kids aren’t allowed to swim alone, someone must be either in with them or watching prepared to rescue.

Family

Monday:

I weighed 75.7 kg this morning. Up 0.5 kg. Definitely time to rein it in! I’ve still got a month until Christmas, time to lose a little or at least maintain. So I’ve started tracking calories again, which I haven’t done for a couple of weeks. And I went for a walk this morning despite a light rain. Pretty tired today after the big weekend. I watched the Miss Universe competition (Earth won again, the rest of the Universe needs to get its act together) and had a nap and just enjoyed not having to study!

On Saturday another person noticed my weight loss, only the second person to say anything. And I think she was shocked when I said I’d lost 9 kg! It really doesn’t look like I’ve lost that much. Clothes that were tight are now looser, but I haven’t gone down a size. I do have one pair of shorts in a smaller size that look good, but the smaller jeans I bought are skin tight and I’m scared to wash them because I know they will shrink a bit and I won’t be able to get them on. And I just got board shorts to go over my swimming cossie and I had to get my old size and they are still snug! I know that different designers use different measurements for their sizes, and also it depends where on the body you lose/gain weight, but I guess I thought 9 kg would be enough for a size down.

I just had a look online, a lot of people were saying it took around 10 kg for them to drop a clothing size, but a couple of short people said 5 kg (I’m short!) and others said they’d lost 16 or more kg and hadn’t needed new clothes! So it varies a lot! It’s not the number on tag that I’m after, exactly, except it’s an affirmation; it’s more that I want to buy some new clothes but I don’t want to waste money if I’ll soon need a lower size. Well without Duromine I’m unlikely to lose as quickly as I was, so I’ll just buy whatever fits me now. I don’t buy a lot of clothes, but I always like to have something new for Christmas. I’d buy more if I felt I look good in them, and I’m getting there.

Was I bemoaning only yesterday that I don’t get the family gossip any more? I miss those peaceful days already. I contacted my favourite cousin Kimberley about visiting our Poppa at the same time, she has passed on that my brother isn’t going to be invited to another cousin’s wedding. He’s frequently very late everywhere and sometimes drops out entirely (he didn’t come to the last wedding or even to our father’s funeral - he has OCD and finds socialising very difficult) and apparently they are worried about spending all that money on his place when it will likely be wasted. He arrived at this person’s engagement party after just about everyone else (including me) had left. And this wedding reception will be on a boat, if he misses it there is no way to join it late. I can understand their point, but also, well, it doesn’t seem very family to exclude him. Kimberley is angry about it, but then her side of the family is a bit at odds with the groom’s side at the moment due to the groom buying land from Poppa at what her side thinks was an unfairly low price (I disagree, the land was valued and I thought it was fair, and anyway we were all offered the same deal) ... I don’t want to be involved in that feud! But do I have to say something about excluding Darren because he is my brother? He probably wouldn’t even hear about it except through me. I haven’t got my invitation yet but the groom just checked my address with me so I assume it’s in the mail. Not even sure if I want to go. On a boat (I assume a harbour cruise) I won't be able to leave when I want to, I'll be tired and trapped, and I might get seasick. But this will be the last family wedding for my generation - unless someone has a second go later on! Everyone else is married, except Darren. He's the oldest, he'll be 50 next year.

Several guests yesterday brought gifts of wine or champagne which I know is a fairly safe hostess present for people you don't know well (there were some people from Tim's work, and some friends of a relative who was spending the day with them), but I don't drink much, so the gift I really appreciate was these beautiful flowers - peonies I think. Just lovely. I don't often buy myself flowers, maybe I should. I enjoy them growing in the garden though.

A week

Monday:

Goodness me, has a whole week gone by?

Weight 79.4kg, up a bit again. Still losing and regaining that one kilogram.

It is the middle of the semester so I have exams and assignments due. Very busy. Having a little trouble with shoulder pain. Tricky to balance getting all my studying done with taking lots of breaks from the computer. I expect to pass everything, but I'd like to do a lot better than a pass.

Also three birthdays (husband, sister-in-law and niece) and a wedding so I've been shopping and hosting and going to parties with more over the next week. I spent all day last Thursday present and clothes shopping, I needed something to wear to the wedding and everything I tried on looked awful. Went again on Saturday with Jasmine and found us both dresses which was a relief. Jasmine keeps growing out of her clothes, she is delighted that she is within a whisker of my height now. Not that that is so very tall! She probably weighs half as much as me. She does seven hours a week of after-school sport!

After a superheated summer we've gone into autumn with a month of almost continuous rain. It's cooler, but so humid. You start to wonder where all that water is coming from, don't the clouds run out eventually?

Time to head off to the city again. I will use the train ride to study!

No thanks

Thursday:

It was a good day for being inside a shopping centre as it was raining again. We spent a couple of hours getting new summer clothes for the kids. Then it was lunchtime. I didn't want to get something from the crowded noisy unhealthy food-court so we went to a burger place we hadn't been to before so we could sit and have a proper comfortable meal (even if only burgers). Actually I don't really like burgers so was disappointed to find they really didn't sell anything else - most places have some other choices! Oh well, I can eat a burger now and then, especially a fancy one. Jasmine ate hers and enjoyed it, Aiden ate the chicken out of the middle of his and left the bun, I had a couple of trial bites and left mine on my plate, eating only my third of a serve of chips. Yuck. I could have eaten the burger if I was starving, but not otherwise.

As we were leaving a server (or possibly the owner) bustled up and asked how our meal was. I usually say "fine" even if it wasn't, but with my whole meal still sitting on my plate and Aiden's half-eaten I just gave a non-committal shrug and an mpf grunt. "Wait a minute!" he said as he bustled back to the counter. Was he going to make amends for my uneaten food? I was a bit embarrassed, there wasn't anything "wrong" with it exactly, nothing to complain about, I just didn't like it. But no. He came back waving a card at me. "If you order home delivery next time, you get $10 off!" I wouldn't take the card, saying something like "No thanks, definitely not." I wonder if he later noticed I hadn't eaten my burger!

Both kids had shown interest in the cross stitch I've been doing - it's been "nearly finished" for a while now, been too busy during sunny daylight hours when I can see to sew, so we went into a haberdashery shop to look at buying them some kind of starter kit. We spent a forever sorting through the very small range of options - for a while going with larger ones they liked and collecting all the coloured threads needed before realised they were much too big a commitment for beginners - before choosing the most basic tiny ones they had. When we got home they I showed them how to do it and sat with them and they worked at it for at quite a long time. I spent a lot of time re-threading needles and unpicking mistakes! I had estimated they were two-hour projects, but of course that is how long I would take... might need to revise that to around five hours! Very glad we got these little (cheap) kits instead of the more elaborate ones we were looking at.

Even though I ate some leftover quinoa when we got home, my energy levels really crashed in the afternoon. I could hardly keep my eyes open. I assume lunch of a few hot chips just didn't cut it. I tried chocolate and some nuts, but it was home made tomato soup that hit the spot. Vitamins!

New clothes

Tuesday:

I had a very busy but productive day today. I spent basically the entire morning looking for something to wear to this wedding on Friday. I was running out of time to buy, especially as a lot of things I buy have to be altered to fit because I am so short. Today I was feeling much better, nearly over my cold, so I was up to stressful shopping. Clothes shopping is definitely stressful when you are unhappy with the way you look in just about anything. You have to compromise between finding something you think you look good in and realising that you are not going to look like Elle McPhearson no matter how many dresses you try on. Every outfit you ask "is this as good as it gets?"

I chose a pair of floaty black pants, very interesting actually and not at all like work trousers, and a floaty purple top. I felt a bit like a gypsy. It is going to be a stinking hot day but I decided I would be more comfortable in loose pants than with my thighs rubbing together. I was happy with my eventual choice.

Then I realised how late it was getting and rushed to my hair appointment without having any time for lunch. Happy with my haircut too. I'll take a picture when I'm all made up and not so much red nose and bleary eyes.

At 2pm (so late for me, I always eat at noon) I grabbed lunch, put in the trousers for alteration, got a script at the chemist and asked them to check my blood pressure. The lady tried four times but kept getting an error message. All that arm-squeezing pain for nothing! I'll have to wait for my doctor next week. My blood sugars have been consistently high yesterday and today (I hadn't checked it for a while before that) but apparently being sick can mess with that. If you're diabetic. I've booked in for the diabetes blood test I didn't have six months ago, next Monday when presumably I'll be completely over my cold so the results should be accurate. The great news is you no longer need to carb load for three days beforehand! I always hated doing that. But I am definitely a bit worried, my pre-diabetes had seemed to be improving last time I was tested 18 months ago.

I got home just minutes before the kids and their playdate guests, had a nice chat with my friend, took my daughter to dance, got a rotisserie chicken on the way home because I hadn't had time to do grocery shopping today, then had Dungeons and Dragons night. I'm really not enjoying it at all lately, my favourite bit is the combat and we get to do that about one session in four this campaign (usually it should be every session, or I think so anyway!). It's all debate about what to do next and how to achieve our goals. Hours of it. Boring. I want to charge in and kill the monsters! But we can't because they are usually too tough for us and we have to be sneaky and clever. Blah. I spend a lot of type rudely playing with my phone. But they know how I feel.

At least with the playdate and the games night I put out all the rest of the cake and party leftovers so that is all gone instead of sitting around tempting me. I'd already tipped chips into the bin to avoid eating the whole packet after I couldn't resist opening them. Gone now.

Having something to wear, even when you are overweight

Friday:

I hate shopping for clothes, because nothing looks good on me. I don't bother much, until I absolutely have to, like when my jeans wear through at the thighs. I'll wait until I am thin, right?

I was thinking last night about an upcoming "dressy" party and how I have nothing to wear for it. I know I don't still fit into my fancier clothes. I felt quite sad about it. Then I went hunting through my cupboard and found two really dressy tops that I bought a couple of years ago, that still fit me but I had forgotten about over winter. With jeans and boots I'll be ok. Not as formal as I would like to be, but good enough.

I went to bed happy, knowing I had something to wear to the party. And realised that no matter what my current size, I need to have clothes that I am reasonably happy to wear in a variety of situations. Not just a T-shirt. Something that fits the occasion, not just my stomach. I can't put off buying clothes forever, waiting to be perfect. I have to live now, as I am, and make the best I can of how I am at the moment. Shopping can be hard, and depressing, and I am still not going to do it very often, but I need to make sure I have what I need. Like maybe something other than blue jeans to go with my pretty tops and boots.

I was feeling a bit unwell yesterday and today I feel awful. I seem to lurch from one illness to the next at the moment. I can't use my CPAP most nights because of a blocked nose and sore throat and sometimes nausea, all of which having air blown up your nose makes worse. And being tired and run down doesn't help me get better quickly. But I'll manage it in the end. I always do.

TGIH

Friday:

Woo hoo, I'm done!

I just finished my current editing job -- at least as much of it as the client had given me up to this point -- and I'm on holidays! Kids are still at school next week but my husband will be home, we'll have time to prepare for Christmas and hopefully do some relaxing too.

My body is really suffering from the lack of decent exercise so I will get back into that. I'm not making any promises about eating better. That tray of mangoes by my side looks pretty good, but then so does the free box of chocolates my supermarket gave me today (they sent me a voucher, presumably for using my loyalty card a lot, they are good chocolates too not cheap junk). Some of each! Hmmm, you know it's hard to beat fruit dipped in chocolate ...

I managed to find the time to do a little clothes shopping this week, I only had one pair of shorts (that fit me) and I ripped them quite badly last week. Two new pairs of (long) shorts, four pretty blouses, and sunglasses that don't pinch my head -- the last ones left grooves in my brain. Still haven't got any sandals, they are next on my list. And I would like a dress for Christmas, but I find dresses tricky for my body shape. Not just that I am plump, but also very short. Maxi dresses drag on the ground, shorter dresses often become a very odd length on me, and I won't wear anything above the knee. Also my shoulder stiffness means I can't get in & out of anything too tight around the top or do up zippers by myself ... it is pretty hard to find the perfect dress. But I am happy with my new shorts and tops.

There is test cricket on the TV (each game takes five days, it is an acquired taste) and all is right with the world.

PS. Thank God It's Holidays

Dress shopping

Wednesday:

I hated that porridge. It was still tasteless glue. So breakfast is still a struggle every morning. This morning I had an orange and two kiwifruit, cut up and mixed together, and it was yummy and refreshing -- but I am starting to get hungry already an hour and half later.

In other news, I didn't get my weight-loss charm because I was only under 75 kg for that one day last week, I'm up nearly a kg since then. I've been eating too much and not exercising much, so it is very understandable. It is very cold here, below zero at night, and I'm wanting to comfort eat all the time. Also there have been a few events -- two kids' birthday parties and our regular weekly D&D supper and lunch out twice. But I haven't shown much restraint at all. And this weekend is going to be a big one, so I have to be extra careful to be good for the next few days.

This weekend is our ten year wedding anniversary, and the Aurealis Awards night (I was a judge), and Mother's Day. And Tim's grandmother died on Monday so her funeral will be soon. And at none of these events are jeans and a T-shirt emblazoned with "My imaginary friend thinks you have problems" appropriate attire. So yesterday I went shopping.

I found a nice red everyday top and some leggings straight away (I only wear leggings under a winter dress with boots, I do not think overweight people should ever wear them as trousers! What are they thinking! Clothes that cling to and highlight every bulge and bump??) but I really needed a dress. I tried on one that looked beautiful on the mannequin but was not quite as flattering on me. I considered it for a while. After all, I am overweight. I can't expect to look like a model. Maybe this is as good as it gets. I decided to come back to it if I needed to.

Then I went into Table Eight. And found a store full of clothes that I looked fabulous in! I tried on about ten things and honestly could have bought all of them, but of course many were quite similar to eat other and I didn't need that many things. I ended up with five items. For the formal Aurealis Awards, a black knee-length dress with lace sleeves that is the most flattering thing I have worn for a long time. For my anniversary lunch and show, Mother's Day lunch, and probably the funeral; a dark purple dress in a thick material that skims but doesn't cling with 3/4 sleeves. For everyday, two jewel-bright tops; one blue, one green. I usually stick to pastels in summer and dark colours in winter but these are eye-popping yet lovely. And finally, a coat!

I'd tried on a few coats recently. I own a heavy overcoat that I have had for twenty years and hated for fifteen. It is early-nineties ugly, with huge shoulders and no waist like a miniature rugby player. And only a single button  in the middle, so when I sit down it gapes right up to my waist and doesn't keep my legs warm at all. I wanted something tailored and beautiful, but with my stiff shoulder I just couldn't get them on. I've been wearing big wooly jumpers. Yesterday when I was trying on the purple dress I wasn't even going to try on a coat but the saleslady kept bringing over horrible boxy jackets which looked terrible on me (the only things in the store that did) so I pointed out a trenchcoat sort-of-thing without much hope I'd be able to get it on and off without assistance. She put it on me and it looked so good! Knee length and belted at the waist, you could just see a thin line of the purple dress at the bottom and then my long boots. I felt so amazing, with a curvy and feminine shape but not fat. I really really wanted it. So I tried to take it off alone. And then put it back on again. Easy!

My left shoulder has had a little more movement lately, I can suddenly almost reach the small of my back with my thumb, and I guess the coat material isn't really stiff. Anyway, I bought it of course. It is a bit lighter and thinner than my old overcoat (and shorter) but I think it will be enough. I have shown it off to everyone already with good results.

So, whether it was that particular shop, or the loss of four/five kilos (around ten pounds), I am feeling pretty happy with how I look in my new clothes.

Now to lose another five kilos before I need a new summer wardrobe!

The dress

I have a few big events coming up: my cousin's wedding this Friday, an Australian Speculative Fiction awards ceremony where I was a judge so I get to go and glam it up, then my brother-in-law's weddings (one here then one a week later in China where his bride grew up). I have been wearing the same "good" outfit for four or five years while hoping to eventually fit into something smaller, but it was definitely time to get something new. Because of the awards ceremony, I wanted something particularly glamorous, but evening gowns are a tricky proposition for me. I am only 5' tall - about 152 cm - which means that floor-length dresses are always much too long and drag on the ground, particularly as I don't wear very high heels. On the other hand, as my legs are actually my worst feature (I am "skittle" shaped), I didn't want anything shorter than ankle-length. A dilemma. I tried on dozens of formal dresses and narrowed it down to three, then took my husband (and kids) for his opinion. One black evening gown covered in sequins was agreed to be the best, and incredibly it was the correct length, but unfortunately some of the sequins were already shedding. They ordered me another one from a store in the next state, it arrived today. Also missing some vital sequins. They gave me a discount and a baggie of spare sequins. I need to wear it the day after tomorrow so I will be stitching tonight. I am just worried that more will come off every time I wear it! I didn't need new shoes, but I bought a black jacket to go over the top in the church or if it gets cold, and a new evening bag which is barely big enough to fit the basics - I also had to buy a tiny purse-ette as mine was too big to fit in! I am trying to make the best of the shape I am at the moment. It was hard, trying on lots of lovely clothes and not looking as good as I had hoped in the privacy of my head. But I need to love and accept who I am now while striving to be healthier and slimmer.