Not too small

Sunday:

Last night I rummaged through my box of 'too small' clothes, looking for an old belt. I haven't been this small for over ten years, and some of the clothes are probably twenty years old! I only kept my very favourites, plus there were a few things from my mother's wardrobe after she died. I kept some clothes of hers but throw out more every time I go through them, the only thing I actually wear is one white cardigan. Anyway, I didn't find the belt but I was looking at a couple of size 12 skirts and some purple corduroy jeans and wondered if I could fit into them. I didn't really think so. So small! I have bought a couple of size 12 items recently (US size 10) but didn't really believe that was my new official size yet.

The fit easily! The jeans are even a tiny bit loose! I suddenly have two 'new' skirts to wear to work and some cool purple jeans. Yet the size 12 jacket and coat are a bit too small. I dug everything out of the box and hung it up in the closet (and tidied and rearranged everything), hoping I will fit into more things soon. The smallest are a couple of favourite sundresses in size 8 (US 4), I don't know if I'll ever get into those! I used to wear them when dating Tim and he remembers them fondly. But mostly the box contained formal dresses that I might fit into soon, if I ever have anywhere to wear them.

By summer I should be throwing out a lot more 'big' clothes.

Tim and I learned something about the USA today. He has a work trip coming up and had to book accommodation. Only after booking did he realise that Washington DC and Washington are not only different places, but on completely opposite sides of the country! Who names stuff like that? (If I knew they were different, I still would have thought one was a city inside the other.) Luckily he booked the right one (DC). He's quite stressed about the whole tipping thing. We don't do it in Australia, or rarely. He was reading up, sounds like you tip everyone. Even if you don't see them, like leaving a tip for the person who cleans your hotel room. Means you have to carry a lot of cash all the time. We're used to using our cards for everything, if we leave a tip at a restaurant we add it to the bill. And then it's however much you like, not a set amount. (People's wages are much higher here, of course, they don't survive on tips.)

And taxes aren't included in anything so you don't know how much anything is even when it has a price on it? Is that right? You'd think Australia and USA would be very similar, but there seem to be quite a few day to day differences.

We're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate a family birthday. I'm determined not to derail this week's weight loss - I'm currently at my lowest ever (well, not ever I guess, I was a baby once, but for the past ten years at least). Shouldn't be too hard, I'm still not very hungry today.

Smaller

Thursday:

I did a little clothes shopping today, I’m about to start my work placement on Monday and I needed more autumn/winter variety in work clothes. I managed to find two warmer tops to go with my new trousers. One shop didn’t have a Medium in the top I liked, I tried a Large and it was much too big. Even the shop assistant commented how baggy it was - and usually they try to sell you anything! She apologised for not having my size. On a whim I tried a Small and it fit perfectly. When I took it up to the counter, the same assistant was very surprised that I was going to buy it (the Large, she thought) and it was nice to say I had fit into the Small.

Another shop, for some reason I tried the Large first again. Too big, tried the Medium. Still too big. Tried the Small. Perfect! Different shops have different sizing, I fit in anything from a 12 to a 16 at the moment, but it looks like I should be trying the smaller sizes first.

Going well

Sunday:

Everything is going really well with the diet, in fact today I took back one pair of work trousers which I hadn't worn yet and still had the tags on and got the smaller size. I could squeeze into the smaller size when I was shopping two weeks ago, but it didn't look good! So I decided to get the bigger size, which was my 'old' size. I don't really care what the number on the label says. Anyway, I've lost 2kg this week and I decided to back myself to keep losing weight and fitting more smoothly into the smaller size trousers.

I'm eating healthy and in smaller portions, exercising, and sleeping better. No more nausea and the dry mouth is very mild, so it's back like the first couple of months I was on Duromine last year.

Life seems very busy at the moment. I need to spend more time on TAFE work, I’d love to do more gardening, and I have four birthdays this month to shop for - husband, niece, sister-in-law and brother! I’ve already spent a whole day on that with not much to show. After so many years of birthdays and Christmases you run out of ideas!

Portion size

Monday:

Today at the supermarket I heard a slender woman say to another (who I couldn't see) "I would be wearing shorts too if I had your legs." Isn't it sad that in our society it is impossible to be thin enough, to be perfect enough. Maybe it wasn't her weight, maybe she didn't like their shape or colour or tone; but in any case we are so hung-up on appearance that many of us are ashamed of our perfectly fuctional bodies. I certainly include myself. That lady wanted to be as thin (I'm assuming for the moment it was about weight) as the other woman, I want to be as thin as her, there are probably many people who wish they were as thin as me. Never content. Of course a lot of it is relative to your heaviest-ever weight. If you start at 400 pounds then I imagine 200 pounds feels wonderful. But if you start only 5 pounds overweight you still see flab. And if you are your goal weight then you probably hate your loose skin or your nose or your ankles or your too small/too big breasts or something.

While I need to lose weight for my health, I deserve to love myself as I am and be grateful for all the things my body can do. I am not only my bulges.

I've continued to do well with eating mainly natural healthy foods, but I still need to work a bit on portion sizes. I fill up my plate too much at dinner time, so much so that I don't always eat it all, and eat in the evening when I am not even hungry. I was craving salty/crunchy last night so had some salted cashews and ate far too many. I should have put some in a bowl instead of eating straight from the packet! I wasn't actually hungry to start with, just craving.

Last day of school holidays. Kindergarten started today, everyone else goes back tomorrow. It's been a long summer holiday.

W17 D6 - big jeans

My old jeans had dissolved where the thighs rub together, so today I went to buy new ones. Last couple of times (to my horror) I had needed a size 16. This time I didn't even fit into a size 16. (Well, I could squeeze in uncomfortably with a bulging muffin-top.) And Just Jeans didn't stock a size 18. I didn't fit into normal size clothes. Oh My God.

I went to Jeans West, where I had bought my last pair - a men's size 36. I had to get a 38. But at least they had some that fit me.

I feel huge and miserable.

I'm feeling, health-wise, a bit better today; but not yet well enough to exercise. I want to curl up into a sad ball with a family size block of chocolate to comfort me. Like that would help.