Friday, June 28, 2019

Sluggish

Saturday:

I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster - but it just made him sluggish.

It will be my birthday on Tuesday. So I haven't started my diet yet. Or lifestyle change, or whatever you want to call it. My challenge to be healthier by 50. I have a little party tomorrow and then a dinner out on the day. Then I'll start...

Two weeks left at my current workplace, then a week off (it will be school holidays) then I start at the other Library, four weeks on then four weeks off then (hopefully) another 3 months. Another good opportunity has just come up elsewhere that I'm also applying for. It is a great job with the downside of a longer commute. I'm thinking if they offer me the job I will ask if I can go part-time, five days a week but shorter days so I can get home before dinnertime to see my kids - and avoid the worst of the traffic too. We'll see.

A really bad flu has been going around. I had it and was sick for two weeks although I only took two days off work. Then Aiden had it and now Jasmine. She had this whole week off school, very unusual for her. I left her home alone most days but left work early. Today she came with me to do the grocery shopping but had to go and sit outside the supermarket while I finished and went straight to bed when we got home. She started to get sick last Sunday during an Acrogymnastics competition, her trio managed to qualify for the State Final but were definitely not at their best. Luckily it's a few more weeks to the Final, she's missed a lot of training.

The house and yard are shambles at the moment. We get no time during the week, and precious little on the weekends. Welcome to the working world.

Saturday, June 22, 2019

Disappointment

Saturday:

I went to my graduation last night. Because I studied part time, most of my friends from class graduated the year before, and one of them won an award for being best in the year. Ever since then I’d really really wanted to win it! I was so excited when I was told I was going to get an award. So I was so disappointed when it was “only” for being best at Cataloguing - shared with Lauren. Who also got best in Reference, and best overall. And last year we were both recommended for an internship,  and she won it. I know I should still be happy to get AN award but it wasn’t THE award.

So I was feeling a little vulnerable, and then Tim showed me the photos he took of me accepting my award and diploma. OMG. I had thought I was looking rather cute in my best librarian dress. But in the photos I looked old and dumpy and so very very fat. I was crushed. I felt awful for the rest of the night. My heart still sinks when I remember.

My weight has crept up to 74.8kg and I need to turn that around. But even at 3kg lighter than this, I think I thought I was thinner than I really was. Maybe in comparison to my biggest, I felt smaller. But I’m still more than 15 kg overweight. In particular I hate seeing side-on photos. My stomach is so big, it looks so unhealthy. I am very short, so my healthy weight is 53-58kg according to the charts.

I turn 49 in a couple of weeks. A year to 50. Time to get healthy so I can enjoy the second half of my life.

Thursday, June 20, 2019

News

Thursday:

First of all, my brother is fine. He knew about the scheduled procedure, and made it to the appointment, and they didn’t find cancer. He’s recovering at home. So that is good news.

Things got interesting at work. I had four weeks planned working at another location - same ultimate employer but different cluster of libraries - higher pay and closer to home. My manager had encouraged it from the start and her boss had approved it. I’d done all the paperwork. Then yesterday Human Resources told me I wasn’t allowed to do Higher Duties in a different cluster! So I had to make a decision. The new job was starting with four weeks, but probably offering around four months work over a six month period (with nice breaks in between) - after that who knows? The current job had just offered me another nine months. I talked to Tim and thought about it overnight, but didn’t have to think too hard. The new job has everything I want (other than job security) so I’m resigning from my current job so I can take up the other one. HR forced me into it! I let everyone know today, of course they were all very sad! I’ll still be there for a few more weeks, and who knows maybe they’ll want me back as a casual when I’m free.

Now I have a bit of experience I’m not really worried about getting more work.

I finished my Diploma of Library and Information Services a year ago, finally my Graduation ceremony is tomorrow. I have no idea why it’s a whole year later. Of course I got them to mail me the actual diploma a long time ago. I wasn’t going to go, too difficult to juggle the kids after-school stuff and get into the city after work. But when I didn’t send in an acceptance they called me to say I’m getting an award! So of course I have to go.

Friday, June 7, 2019

Worries

Friday:

I stayed home sick again today. Overall I feel a bit better, but I coughed half the night and woke with a horrible sinus headache, and I’m just constantly coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose. Really not an appropriate time to work in a library, infecting everyone and making lots of gross noises. My little library is closed on Fridays so I was supposed to be back in the main library. At least they had two other staff today!

I had had a worrying phone call yesterday. A hospital was trying to get in touch with my brother Darren about him having a procedure at 6:30am the next day. So he’s put me as a contact, which is a good thing, but I couldn’t pass on the information because I can never get through in a hurry either!  His phone always goes straight to messages, which I don’t know if he even listens to, and it can be weeks before he reads emails. I think he rarely collects his snail mail too. He doesn’t like touching the mailbox. Or anything, really. He has OCD and a phobia of germs. It’s impossible. I could drive for an hour to his house, but I don’t know if he’d even be there or be awake. And it was too late anyway for this, the info included that he had to be fasting and what’s the point of telling him that 12 hours after the fast was to start? They’d probably been trying to call him for a week. After failing to get through to him all afternoon I tried to call the hospital back but I think they’d all gone home for the day. I missed a call early this morning that I assume was the hospital asking where the hell he was... and it will happen all over again when he reschedules.

Of course the real worry is that the procedure was a colonoscopy. Which I assume means a test for cancer. What the hell is it with this family and cancer? My father-in-law just had a biopsy and we’re waiting to hear how advanced his cancer is. And his wife has lung cancer. Both my parents (and Darren’s, obviously) died of cancer five years ago. I don’t have to worry about dying of heart disease, cancer will get me first.

Darren might not be comfortable with me knowing, at this stage. In my messages I didn’t mention that I knew what the procedure was.

He needs a phone that works. Maybe go back to a landline. And he needs to get internet access so he doesn’t have to go to the library to read his email. He needs to be contactable. I couldn’t tell him when Poppa got hurt, or about family functions, or anything.  He retreats further and further away from the rest of the world.


Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Am I feeding the virus?

Thursday:

I’m sick with a nasty head cold. I’d been dragging myself into work because there was no one else, but yesterday I stayed home and they couldn’t open my little library. I’ll be glad when Linh is back next week so there is someone else with a key and used to that library. I haven’t heard how she is but she’s on the roster for next week so must be better. I’m going in today. It’s really hard getting through the work day when you feel awful. And I have to work until 6. Urg.

I’ve been eating really badly. Comfort food. I was thinking last night about how there is a parasite that lives part of its lifecycle in rats, and part in cats. When a rat is infected, it becomes fearless and I think is also attracted to the smell of cat urine, so its behaviour changes to make it more likely to get eaten by a cat. The parasite gets to move into the cat body for the next stage of its life. The parasite controls the rat! Even though that kills the host! And that made me wonder about how I always eat lots of carbs when I’m sick, even though it makes me feel worse. Am I feeding Natalie, or am I feeding the virus? I’m going to start asking myself that question whenever I want to turn to stodgy food.

Another challenge is working late so often, four nights a week at the moment. Most quick foods I cook, or things my daughter knows how to cook, don’t have the leftovers I need for healthy meals for everyone the next day. But I’ve just rediscovered the slow cooker and since I start late I have time to put something together in that. I need to try some more recipes. I’ve only ever used it for casseroles.

Time to get ready for work. Aloe Vera tissues and hand sanitizer!