A walk

 Thursday:

Well my employer was unable to hire me after all due to rules from higher up the chain - not for the rest of the year at least. They are not allowed to "back-fill" (fill places vacant from people going on temporary leave etc) at all. I could look for other work, but of course there is not much going. And that was pretty much my dream job. So that is depressing. Bored and lonely and sad at home. And still putting on weight. I think my sleep apnoea is back, and my pre-diabetes, and now I even might have an uncomfortable varicose vein in my foot. Very unpleasant. Most of my clothes don't fit. 

But, trying to find some good. Both my grandfather and my uncle are doing well and are at home. Poppa has a carer coming in every day so he doesn't have to go into a nursing home at this dangerous time. Uncle Greg is recovering from his stroke and even playing tennis again. I haven't seen either of them. 

I went for a walk yesterday in the spring sunshine. And saw:

*Four water dragons on the way out; the first one was on the footpath right outside our house. We often see him/her/them sunning in our backyard and leaping into our pool to hide if startled. I also saw one on the way home, not sure if it was one of the four or a new one as it was in a different spot to the others. 

*A man sitting reading a magazine at the edge of his open garage, but facing away from the street. Seemed odd. 

*A front yard completely covered in rich bare soil. A child-size blue spade sticking up showed someone was getting fun out of the dirt (or "helping") before turf covers it. 

*A man cradling a very tiny baby in a sling. All I could see was a little pink flowery hat. 

Diamond Beach

We just got home from a week at Diamond Beach, about four hours north of Sydney and 15 mins drive from the coastal town of Forster.

We stayed in a cabin a couple of hundred metres from the beach. We didn't have much of a view due to a rise in the ground and some windswept bushes, but we could hear the waves pounding constantly. The weather was perfect, high 20s every day. We were careful to stay out of the sun in the middle of the day and used lots of sunscreen, but Jasmine still got a bit burned on a couple of days.

We strolled up and down the beach and did a couple of costal walks in the morning or evening - still very hot! This was a very steep climb up a hill then up a tower to get this view back towards Forster. My legs were fit enough for it, but it was very humid and I found it hard to get enough oxygen. Mosquitos in abundance. While Jas and I walked back down at a leisurely pace, Tim and Aiden sprinted down then back up and down again! So we all ended up equally hot and sweaty (except Jas).

We saw lots of crabs on the beach (and a huge dead stinky turtle) and pelicans and dolphins in the estuary (here you see a dolphin fin behind a pelican). Forster lies between the ocean and a series of lakes.

The pool was nice, though not as nice as ours. We've been there a couple of times before and it was always great for little kids as it's pretty shallow. Jasmine is doing a handstand.

Tim brought the kite I gave him for Christmas. The first try on the beach was hilarious, it would instantly nosedive. I had a go and got very wet running through a wave trying to get it flying. Not enough wind I think. A couple of days later it flew well on the bit of ground between our cabin and the beach.

A big feature of the holiday was eating out for every lunch and dinner. For dinner we always went somewhere elegant in Forster, and usually for lunch as well or else a nice pub closer by. The food was nearly all tasty, but I missed my own cooking by the end. All laden with fat, salt, sugar and carbs. I'd feel bloated and sleepy after meals and my weight is up a couple of kgs.

I enjoy holidays but I love being home again, especially my own bed!

Port Macquarie

Monday:

I think I'll save this morning's weigh-in until the end...

We spent last week at Port Macquarie on holiday. We hadn't been there before, but had to find something at short notice as we weren't sure which week Tim could take off work and our usual places were booked out. Actually we haven't been away longer than a weekend since moving to Sydney nearly three years ago! Installing the pool took all our money and attention. Port Macquarie is four and a half hours away (plus stops for lunch etc), north of Sydney, just far enough that it doesn't book out as quickly as the closer tourist spots. Population of about 45,000. It was lovely! We were so lucky with the weather too, 23C nearly every day - in the middle of winter! - clear and sunny.

Sorry a lot of the photos are so glary, the sun was so bright! The beaches were really interesting, lovely golden sand with outcroppings of sculptural rocks.

On the first day we went for a long walk, two and a half hours (there and back) along the beaches and through little sections of bushland. We could see the spouting and splashing of whales not too far out. We got as far as the rainforest café but I was too tired to face the rainforest walk, we had lunch and walked back. I was exhausted!

The kids and Tim collected 'staves of power' - walking sticks that they retained for the whole holiday. I think there was the Staff of Awesomeness, the Staff of Light and Dark, and the Staff of Art. I had a 'poking stick' on the first day but preferred to walk unencumbered.

The kids had a dip in the hotel's heated pool in the afternoon - very brave of them as 'heated' barely took the chill off. There were plenty of other children in with them. The adults wisely all sat in deck chairs and stayed warm.

There were several restaurants within walk of the hotel or else we drove five minutes into town. The food was really good everywhere, hardly a disappointing meal. I had dessert most nights but usually shared with Jasmine. We bought some supplies and had breakfast in our rooms most days. Also plenty of snacks - like the Haagen-Dazs ice cream!

On the second day we drove back to the rainforest area and walked around the 1.3 km raised boardwalk, it wasn't very inspiring. Just scrubby Australian bushland in winter. We weren't far enough north for the pretty stuff. We went into town for lunch and walked along the shoreline, there was a long series of rocks painted by locals and/or tourists - often recording visits to the area. One had dates every year back to 1993.

Later the kids played on the beach opposite our hotel, sandcastles and gymnastics and paddling freezing feet in the ocean. I perched on one of the rocks and enjoyed the fresh sea air.

The third day started cloudy so we went to mini golf - the clouds cleared pretty quickly and I wished I'd taken my hat! Another bright sunny day.

I had slept really well the first night but then had two bad nights so had an awful headache. Tim thought it might be withdrawal (from Duromine/phentermine) but that didn't seem likely to me since it had been more than a week since I'd taken any. Wouldn't withdrawal happen sooner? I slept fine after that so it was only one bad/grumpy day. 

More beach play in the afternoon, and into town for dinner where we found this wall. My angel daughter:

Saturday was the only colder day, max of about 17C. In the chilly morning we had a good walk along the shore in town, and went to the two (very small) local art galleries. Many buildings had these weird graffitied koala statues in front of them - the rainforest walk had several. I checked the website and there are 62 in all, every one painted differently by a local artist as a sculpture project to celebrate the iconic Australian animal.

We thought about going horse riding, or to a movie, but ended up deciding to go whale watching in a boat. In terms of seeing whales up close, it was amazing. We zoomed out to where two 10-metre long humpback whales were dawdling along, they head north this time of year to warmer waters to have their babies before heading back to the chilly south for better feeding. One did some lovely water dancing for us.

Well, actually all the splashing was not for our benefit. The guide explained that all the breaching and tail slapping is by the females to summon the males. And it worked! In about 20 minutes we had six or seven arrive, with dolphins who apparently like to ride the bow waves in front of the whale's snouts (noses?), jostling for position. They were all around and under the boat. 

Unfortunately by that point Jasmine and I were in no position to enjoy or even watch what was going on. The sea wasn't particularly rough but it was a small boat (12 passengers) which rolled and yawed a lot as we putted along keeping alongside the whales, so by then Jasmine and I were both miserable with seasickness and making use of the bags provided. Urg. At least I had been ok for the first bit, I think poor Jasmine was slightly queasy right from the start and it just got worse and worse. She never got out of her seat. The last half hour was horrible for us both. 

Also it was freezing cold out on the open water, even in the heavy waterproof ponchos provided, and I was terrified when we were going fast to and from the whale area (I am not good with speed or heights/depths) especially when the driver put in a few extra zips and curves for fun. So overall I was very glad to get back to land! I felt ok as soon as my legs stopped trembling. At least Tim and Aiden had a great time. And we certainly saw some whales!

On our final morning we had breakfast at a café right on our beach.

Then we went back to a little tea shop where I'd fallen in love with this cute set the day before - you can't tell in the photo but it is impractically tiny - the teapot probably holds one normal cup full and the six cups each hold a mouthful! But fun for sipping the choc-mint tea we bought there. I just had to have it. There is a teeny goldfish in the bottom of each cup, revealed as you drink. I plan to bring it out as a joke, next time I serve visitors cups of tea. Or they might be a good size for nuts, blueberries or other small foods.

Finally the long drive home. It was a great holiday, but I do love home! And my own bed.

Tim is back at work today, the kids return to school tomorrow.

So this morning I weighed 73.2 kg - up 1.7 kg from last week. No surprise there! I did a lot of eating over the past week. Lots of walking, too, but not enough to offset the calories. I'm back on Duromine today, hopefully the break of over a week will help trigger a reset so it works for me again.

I received my TAFE transcript in the mail, it's not my actual Diploma but it says I've passed everything (which I knew of course) so at least I have proof I can show potential employers. Still hoping to hear from that 'perfect job' this week and get an interview.

Diversion

Wednesday:

I spent yesterday at home, mostly sleeping, instead of going to work. Today I had my last visit to my TAFE in the city, a consultation with a teacher about my big research assignment. I was feeling a lot better than yesterday so I decided not to cancel. Maybe not the best choice. When leaving home, I could hardly get out of our street due to traffic banked up on the main road. It turned out there was a big accident on the nearby bridge (at least one truck and several cars) so the road was closed. Everyone was diverted to next crossing, a long way around with only one lane each way (the usual bridge has three lanes each way). With so much traffic everything was slow, and we also had to inch around a minor bingle (car accident). Getting to the station took me an hour instead of about 15 minutes. And I had to park a long way from the station at that time of day. Of course I don't equate my minor inconvenience with what people actually in that big accident went through!

I was lucky enough to catch an express train to the city, and I walked really fast at the other end, so I ended up only 20 mins late - for a 30 minute meeting. I was rather hot and tired by then from brisk walking while feeling sick! I even have a blister on my toe. But the meeting itself went well. My teacher was happy with my progress on the assignment, which is nearly finished. It was the last time I needed to go into TAFE, ever. I will see my teacher one more time when she comes to visit me at work to assess me there, otherwise I just have some online stuff and finishing work placement. My teacher mentioned they only have one graduation ceremony a year so I think that will be nearly 12 months away! I might just get them to mail it to me.

The trip home was much slower and less stressful, I half-dozed through most of the train journey. Didn't appreciate the icy rain getting back to the car. Very glad to finally get home again.

At least I got some exercise today!

Family

Monday:

I weighed 75.7 kg this morning. Up 0.5 kg. Definitely time to rein it in! I’ve still got a month until Christmas, time to lose a little or at least maintain. So I’ve started tracking calories again, which I haven’t done for a couple of weeks. And I went for a walk this morning despite a light rain. Pretty tired today after the big weekend. I watched the Miss Universe competition (Earth won again, the rest of the Universe needs to get its act together) and had a nap and just enjoyed not having to study!

On Saturday another person noticed my weight loss, only the second person to say anything. And I think she was shocked when I said I’d lost 9 kg! It really doesn’t look like I’ve lost that much. Clothes that were tight are now looser, but I haven’t gone down a size. I do have one pair of shorts in a smaller size that look good, but the smaller jeans I bought are skin tight and I’m scared to wash them because I know they will shrink a bit and I won’t be able to get them on. And I just got board shorts to go over my swimming cossie and I had to get my old size and they are still snug! I know that different designers use different measurements for their sizes, and also it depends where on the body you lose/gain weight, but I guess I thought 9 kg would be enough for a size down.

I just had a look online, a lot of people were saying it took around 10 kg for them to drop a clothing size, but a couple of short people said 5 kg (I’m short!) and others said they’d lost 16 or more kg and hadn’t needed new clothes! So it varies a lot! It’s not the number on tag that I’m after, exactly, except it’s an affirmation; it’s more that I want to buy some new clothes but I don’t want to waste money if I’ll soon need a lower size. Well without Duromine I’m unlikely to lose as quickly as I was, so I’ll just buy whatever fits me now. I don’t buy a lot of clothes, but I always like to have something new for Christmas. I’d buy more if I felt I look good in them, and I’m getting there.

Was I bemoaning only yesterday that I don’t get the family gossip any more? I miss those peaceful days already. I contacted my favourite cousin Kimberley about visiting our Poppa at the same time, she has passed on that my brother isn’t going to be invited to another cousin’s wedding. He’s frequently very late everywhere and sometimes drops out entirely (he didn’t come to the last wedding or even to our father’s funeral - he has OCD and finds socialising very difficult) and apparently they are worried about spending all that money on his place when it will likely be wasted. He arrived at this person’s engagement party after just about everyone else (including me) had left. And this wedding reception will be on a boat, if he misses it there is no way to join it late. I can understand their point, but also, well, it doesn’t seem very family to exclude him. Kimberley is angry about it, but then her side of the family is a bit at odds with the groom’s side at the moment due to the groom buying land from Poppa at what her side thinks was an unfairly low price (I disagree, the land was valued and I thought it was fair, and anyway we were all offered the same deal) ... I don’t want to be involved in that feud! But do I have to say something about excluding Darren because he is my brother? He probably wouldn’t even hear about it except through me. I haven’t got my invitation yet but the groom just checked my address with me so I assume it’s in the mail. Not even sure if I want to go. On a boat (I assume a harbour cruise) I won't be able to leave when I want to, I'll be tired and trapped, and I might get seasick. But this will be the last family wedding for my generation - unless someone has a second go later on! Everyone else is married, except Darren. He's the oldest, he'll be 50 next year.

Several guests yesterday brought gifts of wine or champagne which I know is a fairly safe hostess present for people you don't know well (there were some people from Tim's work, and some friends of a relative who was spending the day with them), but I don't drink much, so the gift I really appreciate was these beautiful flowers - peonies I think. Just lovely. I don't often buy myself flowers, maybe I should. I enjoy them growing in the garden though.

Ducks and drums

Friday:

Busy day. I slept poorly last night. The Duromine might have contributed to that, but it's just as likely my silly brain being over-vigilant because Tim had to get up really early for a flight. There was extra stress too, he got a text last night that his flight had been cancelled and he'd been put on a later one, and he called them to see if there was anything earlier and was given the run-around and never actually got confirmation about what flight he was on! Just 'they would call if there was a problem'. So it's typical for me to wake frequently under those circumstances, to check the time.

I felt fine in the morning though, I haven't felt tired at all today. And my jelly legs are back to normal!

I had a full-size breakfast (omelette) then spent the morning out shopping. I went to the further-away big shops to get things I can't get locally -- like mascara that doesn't make my eyes explode, and books -- then grocery shopping. By the time I got home at 1:00 I was starving! I made myself a big stir-fry of vegetables with some cashews and garlic, but only ate about a third of the bowl. It's like my stomach has shrunk, or been stapled. I still get hungry, even ravenous, but a small amount of food satisfies me. The best thing is that when I'm not hungry I'm not obsessing about food or craving junk or sugar. I do still think about food and plan my meals but I'm not being driven to eat all the time just out of boredom or whatever.

Still slight nausea sometimes after eating, and I burp and feel better.

It is dangerously windy here today, driving home there were four lots of branches on the road. I had to change lanes to go around them. Tim's flight was ok getting away, I hope planes are still landing to bring him home again and not too bumpy! I walked up to Aiden's school in the afternoon to see his assembly, it was a bit scary walking under trees, branches dropping everywhere. Maybe I should have worn a bike helmet. But I was determined to get some exercise in.

On the way, almost opposite our house, were a lovely family of ducks.

Such cute little babies!

I went to assembly because Aiden was playing drums. He's been having lessons before school all year, for some reason they've teamed drums and ukuleles. And for this performance also the choir. He was the only one playing 'real' drums - i.e. a big drum kit, the others were playing little bongos. Or ukuleles, as the case may be. And there were two separate groups of choir/bongos/ukuleles who did one song each, but Aiden stayed on for both! Very exciting. But. I literally couldn't see him at all once they were all on stage. He was at the back, with everyone else standing or sitting in front of him. And he is very little. I could hear him though. I'm very pleased that he was chosen for the more complicated instrument, we are a musical family. It might have helped that we have a drum kit at home! (and three guitars, keyboard, ukulele, accordion, two violins, clarinet...) Not that he ever practises at home, of course. Jasmine hardly ever practices either. And I can't play anything - I only sing!

I had some fruit and yoghurt in the afternoon though I wasn't really hungry yet, and I'll have a nice dinner tonight of small steak and salad. I feel it's going really well. Duromine doesn't magically melt the fat off, but I'm definitely getting hunger suppression with minimal side effects. I do the rest.  

I also joined a Dietbet, where you have to lose 4% of your bodyweight in 4 weeks. I find the groups there very supportive. No trolls, just people cheering each other on. 

Jelly legs

Thursday:

Report on Day Two...
The Duromine didn't seem to affect my sleep at all. It was the same pattern as it has been most nights for a while now, get to sleep fairly easily, stay asleep until 5 am, an hour of restless tossing and turning and short periods of drifting off, then another hour of lying awake before I get up. And none of the 'cotton mouth' that a majority of users seem to get.

It was my day at TAFE. I always do a lot of walking on that day, over 10,000 steps just getting from place to place, but today it seemed harder than usual. Hills were exhausting. I chose to walk up three flights of stairs instead of taking the lift, normally that wouldn't challenge me much. Today it left me with jelly legs and out of breath! Unfortunate if I get less energy rather than the boundless amounts most people seem to get! I've been on the forums and it has happened to a few people. Like all side effects it should pass - I hope.

The actual promise of the diet pill is as a appetite suppressant. It seems to be doing that, a bit. I've eaten lots of small meals and snacks over the day. I definitely get hungry. But I can eat a smaller amount and be satisfied. And I haven't been tempted by junk. No apparent cravings.

A possible alternative cause of the tiredness is that I actually started eating healthy on Tuesday, a day before starting the pills (because you have to take them first thing and I didn't get them until late morning) so this is day three of no sugar or junk food. Could be withdrawal? Or the lower calories, but I am definitely still eating a reasonable amount of food. I want to eat a bit less, still getting too hungry between meals.

Anyway, I'm hoping that the weakness will pass. I'm due to increase my dosage after the first week, so that will be interesting to see if the appetite or side effects change. I can always drop back to the lower dose if that works for me better.

Here is the nice bench I sit on at lunchtime at TAFE, about the only pretty spot in the rather grim campus.

Oh, good news, my friend Sarah is back in class. She is working part time but her schedule changed so she is in one of my classes now. Yay! She is the English one. Looks a bit like Adele. So that was nice.

(Edit: Tim says he is crushingly tired the past few days and blames it on current pollen count or pollution from burn-off, so my jelly legs and lack of energy could be environmentally caused.)

Day One

Wednesday:

For the record, I weighed in this morning at 83.8 kg.

I had my usual restless sleep last night, waking for a long time from around 5am then drifting off for a while into night sweats and frustrating dreams, then waking about 6:30 with a bit of a headache, when I got up and took my first pill. I mention the bad sleep and headache to show they predate taking the Duromine are not a side effect (necessarily) if/when it happens again. My night sweat frustration dream was funny, I couldn't find the diet pills and then was trying to weigh myself and had to wait in line for all my relatives to weigh themselves first and then the scales kept giving me crazy numbers like 2.5 kg or over 200 kg so I had to keep trying over again. Silly. I don't enjoy these dreams but I'm very glad I don't have scary nightmares instead, I can deal with a bit of frustration.

Early morning was much as usual, I never want breakfast and have to make myself eat so that I don't get suddenly ravenous mid-morning and make bad choices, no change there. Slight nausea after breakfast of homemade yoghurt with passionfruit and chia seeds. I've made a careful food plan for the next few days, just in case I lose all interest in eating - still have to nourish and fuel my body!

BTW the skin around my eyes is still sore and dry and inflamed after three days. I tried putting some soothing cream on but it stung like fury, which probably means the skin is broken. But then this morning I tried slices of cucumber on my eyes. So nice! And with lasting effect. Sometimes the old remedies are the best. Apple cider vinegar worked on my foot wart when none of the commercial preparations or freezing did.

When my Fitbit finished charging, I went and did some exercise. Half an hour of Just Dance (Xbox active game) then 10 mins Tai Chi to cool down. I felt a tiny bit lightheaded during dance and kept my eye on my heartrate (132bpm was the highest, which is fine, right in the zone. When I looked it up just now it said I should be able to talk but not sing - well I was trying to sing along to a couple of songs and really struggling so that was about right!) and made sure I was drinking. That is a lot more exercise than I usually do (ie mostly none) but I can't decide if the Duromine has actually given me more energy or if it's a kind of placebo effect, where I'm determined to make the most of any possible extra energy... whatever, I did it.

I was definitely hungry by lunchtime, certainly not 'no interest in food'. I had a nice stir fry of pork, cashews and vegetables. Again, a little nausea after eating, not too bad. I went for a walk after lunch, to the shops and back, 30 mins gentle exercise. My legs were tired, maybe after already exercising this morning, I found the hills hard. But that is a bit more exercise, a bit more fat gone!

But all this exercise meant less time to study today. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to.

I was hungry in the afternoon and ate my afternoon tea of fruit and cheese, and now dinner is cooking in the oven and I'm definitely hungry again!

Verdict after most of Day One: I've eaten less and exercised more with minimal side effects so that is a win. But I'm not sure how much is due to Duromine and how much to the general pattern of the first day of a new diet, when motivation and hope are high. Certainly no dramatic changes in the way I feel. Still interested in food. Which is not a bad thing! But I'll withhold judgement until I have a few more days under my (shrinking) belt.

Visiting Canberra

Monday:

We lived in Canberra for 15 years before we moved back to Sydney - I hadn't been back for a visit in the year and a half since we moved. Tim had taken Jasmine back to visit friends a couple of times, and he's been back there for work too. This past weekend Jasmine wanted to go to a friend's birthday party there - they've kept in touch this whole time - and Tim wasn't keen but I decided I was ready to return. I'd had no interest before this - when I move on I move on!

It's a three hour drive, we got there just before lunch time Saturday for the very end of the party - the time had been changed a couple of days before, too late for me to change all my plans and bookings even if I'd been willing to drive up Friday night which I wasn't - and left Jasmine with her friend for the weekend. My first item on the agenda was Kingsley's for lunch. It has fried chicken, much like KFC but not as greasy and I loved it the whole time we lived in Canberra. (Also nicest roast chickens, but I was craving the southern fried.) It was still tasty, but turns out 'not as greasy' is still very greasy! I ate most of two pieces and felt a bit nauseated. Oh well, maybe I'll stop craving it now!

There was a stationary store that sells my favourite pens a block away so I popped in there. I can get them in Sydney but not anywhere near where I usually shop. They are a bit more expensive than normal ball-point pens but I love them because they are 0.7mm instead of the usual 1.0mm, usually it's hard to find fine point like that other than felt tip. I've bought quite a few over the past few years but of course they keep mysteriously going missing from my desk. It's like teaspoons and socks. Some little gremlin somewhere likes to eat them. How often do you use up a pen before it disappears? Never?!

I drove past our old house. Apart from some pot plants by the front door I couldn't see any changes. It was the back of the house that really needed work, but I didn't dare creep around and look. It didn't feel like home at all, I got a cold grey vibe from it.

I drove down to the lake and went for a walk, it was always my favourite place for walking. As I had rather expected, there was a very cold wind off the water, chilling my hands, ears and nose. Winter in the mountains. I lasted for 20 minutes before I went and had a cup of tea at the library café.

Here we see the National Library from the vantage of my lake walk...

After my cup of tea I joined the library tour. It was only of the public spaces, unfortunately, but it included some interesting information. I knew that the book storage goes several stories underground, but I didn't know that that part of the building is much wider than the above ground part. It stretches out under the lawns and car parks. The tour guide lady also took us into the national treasures gallery, stuff like Captain Cook's writing desk from his ship and personal log (he "discovered" Australia for England, not counting the Aborigines who'd lived here for tens of thousands of years or the Dutch who visited the other side of Australia before Cook got here).

I did enjoy the tour but I was glad to go at my own pace around the other exhibition there, of Japanese woodcuts (illustrations) from traditional novels. The art was interesting but the best part was the little summaries of the books they were from. Like: a man falls in love with a peasant girl but his family forbids him to marry her because she's a nobody so he becomes a monk. Then he finds out that she is actually a noblewoman, but it's too late. So he commits suicide. So she commits suicide. Sounds a bit like Romeo and Juliet. Lots of moral tales, like the woman who leaves her husband for a rich lover then eventually comes back but her husband and son don't want her back and she learns the error of her ways. The pictures are apparently all full of symbolism; the pattern of her dress means this, surrounded by autumn leaves means that, two children in the background means something else. Fascinating.

Time to move on to my next appointment at the National Museum. I had time for a slice of chocolate raspberry cake - turned out to be the only really delicious food I had all weekend, and it was the only unplanned one! - before going to my Virtual Reality session. It was an underwater dive on the Great Barrier Reef narrated by David Attenborough, taken with a 360 degree camera. We were in swivel chairs so we could easily look around in every direction. Then there was a bit about earliest life in the sea, showing us trilobites and eight-foot long sea scorpions and stuff. Very enjoyable. When I took my feet off the floor it felt like I was floating around.

It was starting to get very cold. I booked into my modest hotel room then walked a few blocks to my favourite Chinese restaurant which we used to go to often and ordered my favourite dish (Shan Tung chicken). In the past it had varied from moderately spicy to very spicy. This time I think they forgot to put in any chilli at all. Bland bland bland. Walked back to my hotel in the freezing evening air and snuggled down for the night. Luckily The Fifth Element was on TV.

In the morning it was still hovering around freezing so I stayed in for a while and had leftover Chinese for breakfast. Bland is ok in the morning. I finished the book I had with me then checked out and went to Questacon, the interactive science and technology museum. Lots of interactive stuff to do. I used to take the kids there a lot, we had an annual pass. It was more a time-killer this time, somewhere inside in the warm.

Finally it was time to go and meet Caroline, my best friend from Canberra. We had lunch at the arboretum, I used to go there a lot to write as it has lovely views. Our lunch table was right by the window.

The view was great, the company was excellent, unfortunately the food (yet again) was a big disappointment. Oh well. I had two lovely hours chatting, I don't really care that I left most of the meat on my plate. Beef cheek that was gelatinous yet tough. Urg. I ate the vegetables and ignored the meat.

I picked up Jasmine from her sleepover then we had the three hour drive home. I was pretty tired by the end. Family was over at our house to play Dungeons and Dragons, just the boys, but also my four year old niece Emma who was bored out of her skull and latched on to me as soon as I walked in the door wanting attention I was too worn out to give. I just wanted everyone to go home so I could have a quick dinner and collapse. But they were there for another hour. I ended the weekend exhausted and grumpy. But otherwise it was a nice couple of days.

After weeks and weeks of 'finished by the end of the week' promises, our tiler turned up and finished putting the paving down in the narrow corner bit. He still has to finish the grouting and then seal it all. 'By the end of the week'. Sigh. It looks nice though.

Haven't heard any more about the heat pump issue or when the interior of the pool will be finished.

Jasmine is home sick today. Down with a cold or flu, she was starting to get sick yesterday. I always let her stay home when she asks because she so rarely asks - she loves school. Aiden would stay home every day if I let him.

Library tour

Wednesday:

I decided to combine exercise with a tour of the local libraries. There are eight in the area, if I get a job with local council I could end up working in any of them. Of course I have been to my own local library many times, it is within walking distance and right next to my shopping centre. I have also popped into the main library (much bigger) once but I will include that on the tour to get to know it better. I am in the extreme west of the Shire, it is probably 30 minutes drive to the other cardinal points.

Today I went due east, to the coast. I deliberately parked a long way from the town centre and had a lovely 30 minute walk along the shore, there is a great walkway all along there. It is well into winter here and back in Canberra it would have been unbearable to walk near the lake with the frigid wind coming off it, here there a warm sun and gentle sea breeze. I was comfortable in long sleeves with no jumper, a little too warm by the time I got there.

I wandered around Cronulla library a bit. I noticed four staff members, the two doing the shelving both very young. It looked very new and modern, part of a new-looking community hub building. Not really my style, but it would be nice to work so close to the beach! There were plenty of people using the library and walking along the shore today, but not many on the beach itself - just seagulls.

But there were surfers in the water, bobbing up and down like black seals. Presumably in warm full-body wetsuits.

I walked 30 mins back to the car, it had warmed up and my clothes seemed much too hot now! And I'd decided lunch could wait, it wasn't even noon yet, but as soon as I left the café district I suddenly got very hungry. By the time I got back to the car I was hot and tired and ravenous and not enjoying it nearly so much.

I had thought to fit in three libraries today but decided to cut it down to two. I parked near a big shopping centre and ripped into a quesadilla (yum) then walked to the music shop to buy Jasmine a new reed for her clarinet then to library number two. Much smaller, smaller even than my local Menai. Very quiet, only a few people there, and one staff that I saw. It is near a major shopping hub but tucked away out of sight.

I walked back to the shops and did a quick grocery run, then drove home. In all nearly 12,000 steps, and the day isn't over! I'm pretty tired and my hips are a little sore. Hmm, did the physio say something about not doing too much to start with? I've started wearing my Fitbit again and I'm loving looking at all the reports on what I'm doing. The physio is supposed to email me my exercise program but hasn't yet. I should still do my hip stretches.

Hiking

Monday:

Weight this morning 80.1 kg, up a little.

I knew today was going to be hot, tomorrow very hot, Wednesday stupidly hot. So if we wanted to be outside at all, it needed to be this morning. We went to a park by the river, but the kids didn't approve as the playground equipment was all on sand and they didn't want to get sand in their shoes. So we went for a walk. "Along the river" quickly became an almost vertical climb up the side of the ravine. There were steps cut into the boulders and carefully placed rocks, up and up.

And up and up. A couple of times I stopped for a rest and claimed I couldn't go any further but we kept going until we got to the lookout more or less at the top. At least I think this was the advertised official lookout, there was a little plaque on the rock but no fence, I didn't go too near the edge! My calves were hurting quite a bit and I bet I'll wake up stiff and unable to walk tomorrow! I took some photos from the top but they don't really show clearly how steep it was or how high above the river, which you can just see between the trees.

We climbed down again (hard on the knees), had a rest in the shade, then drove home and had some ice cream! It wasn't really part of my diet plan for the day, but then neither was an exhausting hike in the heat. More than an hour later after a rest, ice cream, and a cool shower, I was still hot and tomato-red in the face. And rather shaky about the legs.

Laser Underground

Saturday:

Aiden had his party today at Laser Underground, one of those places where ten year old boys run around in a dark room shooting laser guns at each other. It was an organised party with food provided but I made the cake. I thought about making it last night but decided I would have plenty of time in the morning. I underestimated how long it takes for a cake to cool so you can put on the frosting! I even put it in the freezer for a while. I had to send Tim and the kids off to the party and wait at home for another 20 mins. Since we'd loaned Nick our second car, I had to walk up carrying the cake. It was about 30C outside and that cake was heavy! By the time I got there (15 min walk) the beautifully frosted chocolate layer cake was a bit slumped... managed to fix it ok when I got there and put it in their fridge, and it was still delicious. I took my own lunch instead of eating the catered pizza and lollies, but did have a slice of cake.

The boys had a great time, including Tim and the uncles who also played. Aiden's friends were ridiculously noisy. I don't think they had a volume below shouting. Give them a laser gun and they turn into screaming barbarians. I didn't do the games, so Jasmine was the only girl in there.

Stepping on dragons

Thursday:

I went for a walk this morning and was lost in my thoughts as I approached home, not realising a water dragon (big lizard) was sunning itself on the path in front of me - until it burst into motion as I was only a couple of steps away! Startled me a little. It dashed away and paused on the road to look back, but not for long enough for me to get out my camera/phone before it scuttled under a parked car. There were lots of sightings along there near the creek, and in my own yard, last summer, but haven't seen any for months. I guess they only like warm weather. It was probably as long as my arm to my fingertips, but I've never heard of them to be aggressive. I like them.

Did it work?

Tuesday:

The real question about my operation is, did it work? Did it do anything to help my various issues? Well I feel like I won't know for sure until I've had a full month of my cycle as there are definitely times of the month that are worse than others and I haven't experienced the bad weeks yet. But so far, after the slight ache from the surgery faded, I think I have improved a lot. I haven't been feeling any pelvic pain, even if I lie on my stomach. Before, even in the good weeks, if I tried lying on my stomach I would get pain within seconds and have to turn over. Now, I can even fall asleep lying on my stomach, which isn't so great because I then wake up later with my damaged shoulders aching BUT my pelvis still doesn't hurt after however long. So that is fantastic.

I am feeling really well right now, last night I had an excellent sleep, no pain in my pelvis, no pain in my foot (which has continued wart free ever since the apple cider vinegar worked when nothing else did). Some of that is from the op, the rest is from two straight weeks of eating healthy. Lots of vegetables, some fruit, meat, full fat dairy, nuts, olive oil. More fish than I usually eat (three serves last week!) Very little sugar (I would say none, but I've had two squares of dark choc and also bought salsa which had some sugar), no alcohol, low carb - I had some toast when sick and have had small serves of potato and of quinoa a couple of times but other than that no bread, rice, pasta etc. I mostly get my carbs from vegetables. After a four day stall my weight dropped dramatically since yesterday so week three is going well.

I'm already looking ahead to Christmas, I want to indulge but at the same time don't want to undo all the good I've done! I don't know if I do well with trying for moderation. I think the plan will be two days "off" (Christmas and Boxing Day, both of which I will be hosting up to 20 people) then get straight back on plan. Actually I don't tend to overeat when I'm tired and busy looking after other people. I remember last year I certainly didn't stuff myself on Christmas Day, but the next morning while waiting for people to arrive I ate most of a family sized bag of Burger Rings! Something to avoid. We are hosting two years in a row partly because we have the most suitable house, but also last year was our first year here near everyone, and this year three of the other families will have brand-new babies. I love hosting, anyway. But it is a lot of work!

The pool is also moving forward. The builder, Angelo, came out today to look at the site. The previous person, Malcolm, was I suppose mainly the salesman! He did a good job at that, considering we picked his company. Anyway, Angelo is a bit concerned about getting the excavator through our narrow side yard (has always been a potential problem) but I think it will be ok. I've been warned of possible damage to plants, and I need to cut a few back hard. And they should start excavating in two weeks! I'm not sure how long the excavation/pouring concrete part takes but I know that after that they have to leave it for three weeks to cure before finishing. Still looks to be on track for Christmas. It might just be a pool with some paving around it at that stage, but it will be a pool! Tim and I will have a lot of work planting in the heat of summer before it will look really nice, we want it surrounded by tropical plants for a real holiday feel.

It was supposed to be my Book Club today and I was looking forward to it - I actually really liked the book! But Angelo was a bit late, then I had lunch and forgot all about it, then suddenly remembered but it would have been nearly over by then and I decided not to rush up to the library just for the last 10 minutes. I walked up instead, lovely day outside, and arrived just as everyone was standing up to leave. We had a bit of a chat as we borrowed next month's book but that was all. At least I got some exercise in today.

Another coast walk

Wednesday:

Feeling much better today after a decent night's sleep.

I was waving goodbye to Aiden this morning when the tree guy from the council arrived. I didn't have any notice of this one coming, he probably didn't need me to be there. He looked around the backyard and made notes on his little map, singing or humming the whole time. I asked if he foresaw problems with removing any of the trees and he picked out one gum that was a lemon-scented somethingorother. It is the nicest looking tree out there and right in the corner where it won't affect the pool, so although it doesn't fit with my theme for the future garden I won't really mind if we have to keep it. It's the ugly scrubbly and/or dead ones I want to get rid of, as well as the ones where the pool will be.

I decided to drive over the coast again for another try at the walk/edit combo. I was able to park right next to the beach so I could leave everything in the car and walk unencumbered. I walked for a bit over an hour, and got tired and hot and sweaty which is great. I like to feel tired at the end so I know I am pushing myself a bit. It was a bit cloudy today but still very warm, perfect for walking.

I then walked a bit more around the restaurant and shopping area to find a nice café for lunch. Full sugar disclosure, I had a lemon squash "spider" (ice cream float) without even thinking about it. At home I only drink water and tea, but when I'm hot and tired I suddenly want instant calories.

My feet were sore by this stage, the down side of having skin on the soles of my feet as soft as a baby's bottom is that they abrade very easily and even the best of socks start to feel like sandpaper! I really need to toughen up.

I picked up my manuscript from the car and strolled into the park by the beach. I had a lovely view and the scent of the sea, but it didn't work out. There were no tables free, and trying to wrestle an unwieldy stack of papers into submission on a sloping lap while I sat on a bench, making notes and sometimes looking things up on my phone, was too hard.

So I drove home again. So sleepy from exercise and sun! I thought about crawling into bed but I knew that if I had a nap I wouldn't sleep as well tonight. Cup of tea instead.

Random

Monday:

Today's weight: 83.2 kg. A little down. As usual, Monday has inspired me to tighten my diet up again. Lots of vegetables, and plenty of water! I ate too much junky stuff yesterday. There was some dessert left over and I've resisted it all day! Should be finished up by the rest of the family tonight.

I went out for a nice walk this morning, around 45 minutes. Sunny but a bit cool, which is good for walking.

I made a random purchase of a frozen duck on Friday because they were on special and I'm cooking it tonight. Duck is one of my favourite meats, but it's definitely a special occasion food and I rarely cook it myself. I order it in restaurants sometimes or my Chinese sister-in-law sometimes cooks one. They aren't particularly healthy, very fatty, and not much meat on one (perhaps the relatively small portions are a good thing). Anyway, I looked up some recipes this afternoon and they suggested things like 4 hours drying out time then 5-6 hours slow roasting! No time for that. I've put some spices on and shoved it in the oven on a rack so the fat all drips down on the vegetables... hope it turns out ok. Not sure about the mix of spices.

Jasmine didn't go to dance tonight. On Saturday evening she hit her hand against a rock and one knuckle is sore and was swollen. I think it is just bruised but it still hurts her and apparently at school she was trying to write with her left hand. What if it is broken? I've said if it still hurts as much tomorrow I'll take her to a doctor. I remember a story from my mum about my big brother falling off a swing at kindergarten and the teachers didn't realise he broke his arm! He didn't get any care other than cuddles until mum picked him up and realised. And without a car, pushed him to the doctor or hospital in the stroller. So I hope this isn't too serious, it's only been 48 hours I guess so a bruise could still hurt.

Spring!

Thursday:

It's the first day of spring! A lovely day, too. The forecast for the coming week is all over the place: sun, rain, wind, warm, cold... but today was perfect weather. I went out for a long walk that included dropping in to my son's school and then the library which is just as far in the opposite direction. By the time I got to the library I was embarrassed for people to see me, I was a bit sweaty! Even allowing for the short stops, I was walking for over an hour and it was pretty warm outside.

It's odd how you see a lot of people in public in yoga pants and gym gear but (unless they are actually jogging) they never look sweaty. Are they doing their shopping on the way to the gym?

I did well with healthy food most of the day, but then just as dinner was cooking I suddenly became ravenous and shovelled lots of calories in my mouth. Then ate my planned dinner half an hour later. So that wasn't so great. But overall, a good day.

Bump on the head

Friday:

My daughter and husband leave for school/work before I crawl out of bed in the morning. By the time I sat down to breakfast today, after getting Aiden ready and off to his school, Jasmine had already been at her school for an hour. And then her school rang for me to come and pick her up. Apparently when the bell rang for her first class, she was hurrying to get there and hit her head on something metal (I'm still not sure what). She went to sick bay with a headache and waited for an hour before getting them to call me. She doesn't like missing school. But her head hurt too much to go to class.

She has a bump and a bit of a headache but otherwise seems ok, luckily. No dizziness or signs of concussion. She just sat and rested with her iPad at home. She was well enough this afternoon to come and do the grocery shopping with me. Scary when something happens to your child.

I noticed when walking around the shops that my foot is absolutely 100% pain free, which is so awesome. The new skin was tender yesterday but healed now. It feels so good to walk without that pebble in my shoe! I couldn't leave my daughter to go out for a walk today (and now it's raining again) but I certainly plan to be much more active. I could join the gym I suppose, but walking along the coast at Cronulla is a lot more appealing than a stinky gym. I am looking out my window at gloomy rain and yearning for fresh sea air and sunshine.

I know that soon I will forget to appreciate the absence of pain, but right now I am revelling in it.

Book Club

Tuesday:

I finally made it to book club! After going once then missing three months, no one remembered me. But that is ok. The book was "All the Birds Singing" by someoneorother, it starts with a young woman living in fear as a recluse, with something or someone killing the sheep on her farm. It interweaves her lonely life now with flashbacks going further and further back, as she constantly flees from her past, until we finally get back far enough to see how it all started. Depressing book. Lots of sad sex as a prostitute, being held captive by a psycho customer, sheep on the farm being mutilated, hiding knives and hammers all round the house so she have a weapon to hand if she needs it. Everyone in the book club hated it. I at least thought it was well written, although I didn't like the subject matter any more than anyone else. It was nice to get out for a chat with other adults.

Yesterday we had icy rain, it was a bit warmer today so I walked up to the meeting then did some editing in the library, but by the time I walked home it was overcast and cold again. Well, it is winter still! And nothing like so cold as Canberra was. A jumper is enough over my shirt, don't need singlet and shirt and jumper and overcoat with gloves and beanie and scarf! So it's really not that cold.

I've eaten very cleanly for two days in a row, I know this evening and tomorrow will be the danger times as I suddenly go into sugar withdrawal/carb flu/starvation when my body realises I'm filling up on vegetables. But I will be strong! I'm eating plenty of fresh healthy food, just not the processed junk my body currently craves.

A walk by the sea

Friday:

The coast is about 35 minutes from here, close enough that I could go often but far enough that I don't. There were plenty of other things I could/should have been doing today but I saw from the weather forecast that this was our last day of beautiful weather for a while so I decided to go! And it was lovely.

I thought on a Friday in winter it would be easy to get parking, but not today! It was 24C, perfect sunny weather. Every man and his dog was there walking along the esplanade. I had to park a couple of blocks from the coast, a long way down from the main beach. I turned my face away from the centre of town and walked along the seaside path for about 30 minutes, then walked back and even further until I got to the restaurant area where I had lunch. 1 hour 20 minutes walking without a break! And I enjoyed every minute. The path goes right along the sea, sometimes up a cliff, and every kilometre or so there is a park area with a little beach, maybe a pool (with waves crashing into it and sloping sand to walk in gradually), public toilets and benches.

I got back to the main beach and had fish and chips with a view of the ocean, but in the shade, and lingered at my table. Then decided to have dessert. Maybe not my best decision ever, but they had deep fried Mars Bar on the specials board... I'd never tried it and was curious... and my body is not used to so much exercise and wanted to replace calories! They brought it and it looked pretty blah but it was delicious. If you don't know, a Mars Bar is a sort of whipped chocolate fudge confection with a layer of caramel covered in chocolate. They coated this in a thin layer of batter and deep fried it so the middle was all warm and gooey. Surprisingly good. But very sweet of course.

I had planned to do some editing, indeed I'd been carrying my manuscript in my backpack the whole time, but now I'd run out of time as I still had to do the grocery shopping before the kids got home from school. So I walked back to the car - another 35 minutes, making close to 2 hours walking in all, this from someone who could barely walk at all two weeks ago! - and drove back to my own shopping centre. I was very tired at this point and feeling all that sun. I'm not burned, but I forgot my hat so I got a lot more sun than I'm used to. I did the grocery shopping and got extremely thirsty (I'd had juice and water at lunchtime) and was also craving vitamins or something so I bought a lot of fruit and made up a fruit salad as soon as I got home.

By the time I got home from the shops it was starting to cloud over and cool down. I'm glad I got out and enjoyed the sunshine today, indeed all this week, it is going to be much cooler next week.

PS maybe a little bit burnt