Butterfly mug

Wednesday:

Not much to write about today. I had the day off and spent part of it shopping for summer clothes for the kids (most of which I'll probably have to take back if they don't fit!) as we are visiting Queensland soon and it is much hotter there, and they both seem to have grown out of all their clothes. I might not have time to shop with them before we go. Early spring weather in Sydney wavers between cool and warm.

For myself bought a new mug for work. It has a weird-looking handle, but is comfortable to hold.

I've been doing some more gardening. So much to do! And have been spending a lot of time working on my novel. Still not actually writing the text yet though! I keep having thoughts about what religion is like there, the animals and plants, how you domesticate a cave dragon, what motivates my characters etc. I want to get all the backstory worked out. I struggle with making up good fantasy names, but I can't write properly until I do. I can't get inspired while calling someone X or 'father' or 'girl'. I'm well advanced on that side now and feeling pretty good about it.

I see my doctor tomorrow after a month on Duromine (phentermine). I lost 3kg in the first two weeks but then nothing since, in fact I've struggled to not regain. So I'm not sure what she'll say. I'm sleeping better and feeling better, so I'd like to stay on it for a while longer.

Port Macquarie

Monday:

I think I'll save this morning's weigh-in until the end...

We spent last week at Port Macquarie on holiday. We hadn't been there before, but had to find something at short notice as we weren't sure which week Tim could take off work and our usual places were booked out. Actually we haven't been away longer than a weekend since moving to Sydney nearly three years ago! Installing the pool took all our money and attention. Port Macquarie is four and a half hours away (plus stops for lunch etc), north of Sydney, just far enough that it doesn't book out as quickly as the closer tourist spots. Population of about 45,000. It was lovely! We were so lucky with the weather too, 23C nearly every day - in the middle of winter! - clear and sunny.

Sorry a lot of the photos are so glary, the sun was so bright! The beaches were really interesting, lovely golden sand with outcroppings of sculptural rocks.

On the first day we went for a long walk, two and a half hours (there and back) along the beaches and through little sections of bushland. We could see the spouting and splashing of whales not too far out. We got as far as the rainforest café but I was too tired to face the rainforest walk, we had lunch and walked back. I was exhausted!

The kids and Tim collected 'staves of power' - walking sticks that they retained for the whole holiday. I think there was the Staff of Awesomeness, the Staff of Light and Dark, and the Staff of Art. I had a 'poking stick' on the first day but preferred to walk unencumbered.

The kids had a dip in the hotel's heated pool in the afternoon - very brave of them as 'heated' barely took the chill off. There were plenty of other children in with them. The adults wisely all sat in deck chairs and stayed warm.

There were several restaurants within walk of the hotel or else we drove five minutes into town. The food was really good everywhere, hardly a disappointing meal. I had dessert most nights but usually shared with Jasmine. We bought some supplies and had breakfast in our rooms most days. Also plenty of snacks - like the Haagen-Dazs ice cream!

On the second day we drove back to the rainforest area and walked around the 1.3 km raised boardwalk, it wasn't very inspiring. Just scrubby Australian bushland in winter. We weren't far enough north for the pretty stuff. We went into town for lunch and walked along the shoreline, there was a long series of rocks painted by locals and/or tourists - often recording visits to the area. One had dates every year back to 1993.

Later the kids played on the beach opposite our hotel, sandcastles and gymnastics and paddling freezing feet in the ocean. I perched on one of the rocks and enjoyed the fresh sea air.

The third day started cloudy so we went to mini golf - the clouds cleared pretty quickly and I wished I'd taken my hat! Another bright sunny day.

I had slept really well the first night but then had two bad nights so had an awful headache. Tim thought it might be withdrawal (from Duromine/phentermine) but that didn't seem likely to me since it had been more than a week since I'd taken any. Wouldn't withdrawal happen sooner? I slept fine after that so it was only one bad/grumpy day. 

More beach play in the afternoon, and into town for dinner where we found this wall. My angel daughter:

Saturday was the only colder day, max of about 17C. In the chilly morning we had a good walk along the shore in town, and went to the two (very small) local art galleries. Many buildings had these weird graffitied koala statues in front of them - the rainforest walk had several. I checked the website and there are 62 in all, every one painted differently by a local artist as a sculpture project to celebrate the iconic Australian animal.

We thought about going horse riding, or to a movie, but ended up deciding to go whale watching in a boat. In terms of seeing whales up close, it was amazing. We zoomed out to where two 10-metre long humpback whales were dawdling along, they head north this time of year to warmer waters to have their babies before heading back to the chilly south for better feeding. One did some lovely water dancing for us.

Well, actually all the splashing was not for our benefit. The guide explained that all the breaching and tail slapping is by the females to summon the males. And it worked! In about 20 minutes we had six or seven arrive, with dolphins who apparently like to ride the bow waves in front of the whale's snouts (noses?), jostling for position. They were all around and under the boat. 

Unfortunately by that point Jasmine and I were in no position to enjoy or even watch what was going on. The sea wasn't particularly rough but it was a small boat (12 passengers) which rolled and yawed a lot as we putted along keeping alongside the whales, so by then Jasmine and I were both miserable with seasickness and making use of the bags provided. Urg. At least I had been ok for the first bit, I think poor Jasmine was slightly queasy right from the start and it just got worse and worse. She never got out of her seat. The last half hour was horrible for us both. 

Also it was freezing cold out on the open water, even in the heavy waterproof ponchos provided, and I was terrified when we were going fast to and from the whale area (I am not good with speed or heights/depths) especially when the driver put in a few extra zips and curves for fun. So overall I was very glad to get back to land! I felt ok as soon as my legs stopped trembling. At least Tim and Aiden had a great time. And we certainly saw some whales!

On our final morning we had breakfast at a café right on our beach.

Then we went back to a little tea shop where I'd fallen in love with this cute set the day before - you can't tell in the photo but it is impractically tiny - the teapot probably holds one normal cup full and the six cups each hold a mouthful! But fun for sipping the choc-mint tea we bought there. I just had to have it. There is a teeny goldfish in the bottom of each cup, revealed as you drink. I plan to bring it out as a joke, next time I serve visitors cups of tea. Or they might be a good size for nuts, blueberries or other small foods.

Finally the long drive home. It was a great holiday, but I do love home! And my own bed.

Tim is back at work today, the kids return to school tomorrow.

So this morning I weighed 73.2 kg - up 1.7 kg from last week. No surprise there! I did a lot of eating over the past week. Lots of walking, too, but not enough to offset the calories. I'm back on Duromine today, hopefully the break of over a week will help trigger a reset so it works for me again.

I received my TAFE transcript in the mail, it's not my actual Diploma but it says I've passed everything (which I knew of course) so at least I have proof I can show potential employers. Still hoping to hear from that 'perfect job' this week and get an interview.

Library Week

Thursday:

I stayed home from work on Tuesday because Jasmine was sick. I didn’t feel great either. Obviously we’d caught whatever Tim had, he was home Monday. I was supposed to be setting up for my Storytime, but I sent an email and the others did it for me. Luckily everything was ready and organised and all in one place. Well, not “luckily”, of course, I made sure it was ready!

On Wednesday Jasmine was still sick and I felt worse than the day before. I lay in bed for quite a long time going back and forth in my mind. Do I go into work, feel awful, maybe infect 20 children with whatever I’ve got? Do I stay home, feel guilty about making someone else do the activity unprepared, maybe have my future referees think I’m unreliable? Eventually I dragged myself off to work. Tim stayed home with Jasmine.

I was glad I went in, in the end. I met the two staff who’d rotated in from the other branch of the library, they seemed nice. They’d set everything up for me. The National Simultaneous Storytime went smoothly and I didn’t feel too sick. I got the children’s attention with a game where we made our arms into clock time shapes while I moved the arms on my poster clock. Then I read the story - along with hundreds of other librarians around the country! - and then got the kids to colour in pictures from the story to make into finger puppets. Another small group of children came in, late for some reason, so I read the story again. It takes a bit of practice holding a book so an audience can see the pictures, and reading it more or less upside down!

I was kept busy the rest of my shift writing up the event for the website, and preparing for Australia’s Biggest Morning Tea (a fundraising event for the Cancer Council) which was the next day. I was feeling ok and stopped to do some quick shopping on the way home as I hadn’t gone out the day before and we were out of food. But as I was finishing that I started to feel really sick. I got myself home and was glad Tim was there to make me some tea and look after me. I had an early night. It was a big day for me! Jasmine seemed a lot better.

But today Jasmine was still sick. I decided to send her to school but she called me halfway there and got off the bus and I went and picked her up. I decided to leave her home alone while I went to work. She’s 14 and not so sick she needed constant attention so no big deal, but it’s the longest I’ve ever left her home by herself. I still didn’t feel completely well but it was another important day.

It’s such a quiet library usually but it was very crowded today! The hospitality students donated cakes and slices, we bought biscuits and tea and coffee, and it seemed like most of the students and staff of the TAFE came in during the morning. We had some quizzes and guessing comps, plus there was all the usual students needing help with borrowing and printing etc. It was fun. But it was nice to do some quiet cataloguing in the afternoon.

Next week I’m changing to the other branch of the library, which means I’ll be back with the librarians I know. Half my work placement time is over. With Library Week over, there will more time for normal library stuff.

I put in a job application last week for a job basically identical to what I’m doing now, in a different library but still quite close to home, they’ve acknowledged receiving it and said they’ll let me know when they are doing interviews. Does that mean I’ll be getting an interview?

Post-Christmas

Tuesday:

I'm back on my diet/WOE whatever you want to call it today. Back to healthy food! I had a light lunch to save some calories for the afternoon as we had some last minute guests, friends from our old city who were here visiting family and asked if they could drop in here for a couple of hours. Of course we said yes! I put out lots of leftover treats but only ate some cheese and fruit. The other stuff was very tempting but I made it!

I did make an error with some fruit tea. I was given three varieties as a Christmas gift, two apparently have zero calories. But the one I made a big jug of, which everyone thought was delicious, turned out to have 56 calories and 14g of sugar per cup! No wonder it tasted so nice. I made it weaker than the box suggested, and I only drank half my cup before getting suspicious and investigating, so I didn't injest all that sugar, but it was still a fair bit. Oh well, maybe it will ease the transition from Christmas.

Disaster in a teacup

Tuesday:

I started the day miserable in a general sort of way - very tired and "time of the month" and quickly went to miserable in a specific way. I had recently bought a new cute creamer (little milk jug) and sugar bowl set, and this morning I decided I needed sugar in my tea to make me feel better (ha!). I was lifting it down from the shelf and the lid slid off and smashed into several pieces on the bench and floor. I was a little upset but not terribly so, it hadn't been very expensive so I could replace it easily, but it was still annoying. Especially since it was brand new, and had finally replaced one I broke when we first moved here. But then as I was picking up the bits I realised that one piece was the handle of my Prince Albert teacup! That was a special Mothers' Day gift from my son a couple of years ago and I have used it for my morning cup of tea every day since. It retails for about $150 for ONE cup and saucer. The emotional loss is worse. I am so unhappy about it.

Maybe it is repairable, but it is very thin and delicate so I doubt it.

Not a good start to the day.

A New Hope

Friday:

I've had two whole days of eating cleanly -- yay! Yesterday I actually ended up only eating about 750 calories, which is really weird and certainly wasn't planned, but when you cut out sugar and flour and replace it with lots of vegetables you end up being full on very few calories. Who knew? More balanced today, with quinoa at lunch and potato at dinner, although I am a bit pissed off right now after plugging my dinner into my tracker. I had oven-baked salmon to be healthy, we don't eat fish much in this house and I had to cook something else for my husband and daughter, and it turns out my 200g fillet was 400 calories! It was quite a big serve, but still. It was FISH! It is supposed to be all healthy, damnit, not fatty and calorie-ridden.

My dietitian told me to stop having sugar in my tea six months ago and I resisted and resisted, telling myself I would cut down, buying low-GI sugar, even trying fructose instead. But I was just in denial. Yesterday I went cold turkey. "They" say you get used to it, and eventually prefer it that way. At the moment it still tastes a bit nasty. Oh well, I switched from a tiny splash of lemon cordial to a squeeze of real lemon juice in my water ages ago and I definitely prefer that now so I hope it does work out.

While in this slightly annoyed after-dinner mood I read a post from a weight-loss blog I follow and it was all about God loving us. It's her blog and totally her right to talk about her Christianity as she does sometimes, usually I think it's kind of sweet if deluded. Tonight I wanted to comment: yes, he shows his love with earthquakes and cancer, he embraces us with his bushfires. But I restrained myself. Earlier today I also stopped myself making a irritable comment on another person's blog. Hmm, seeing a pattern here.

Aside from this rant, I've been feeling pretty good. I thought I would have big sugar cravings but I haven't really. I've probably had small amounts of sugar in the soy sauce, tomato salsa, and splash of salad dressing I've had over the past two days. Anything in a bottle or jar is going to have salt and sugar. But I've cut down a lot. I didn't even put salt on my potato tonight, maybe for the first time in my whole life.

I'm never sure if tracking is a good idea for me. I get so calorie-focussed. Suddenly yoghurt, or any dairy, seems too high-calorie to fit into my day. Salmon is evil. I'm tracking for the moment because I do like doing it, but I'll keep note of how it makes me feel. I do need to keep track of carbs though.

I'm not really sure what my long term plan is. I'm cutting out sugar and flour (and salt) but still having other "white" starches like rice and potato -- in moderate amounts of low-GI versions. Chips (crisps) are my worst binge trigger and I don't plan on having any of those for a while but I will have some chocolate a couple of times a week.

I am feeling tentatively hopeful.

I wish I had weighed myself yesterday before I started, but I was up to 79.6 (or was it 79.7?) kg a few days ago. I was 79.0 kg this morning. It's a start.

Wednesday weigh-in: 77.6 kg

Wednesday:

My weight is continuing to slowly creep downwards so that is great. If it takes me two or three years to lose 20 kg, well that is still better than not losing 20 kg! My scales have been less temperamental, too, since I started leaving them flat on the floor instead of leaning up on their edge. They only vary by a few hundred grams when I step off and on instead of up to a kg.

I'm feeling much better today and I think I have shaken off the cold germs. I've had a pretty good year, illness-wise, compared to the past. The last few years I've been sick a lot through autumn and winter but I think this year was much better.

I had my second (and probably last for me) diabetes/prediabetes seminar this morning. This one was all about healthy eating. It went into more detail about food than last week. Again it mainly covered things I was familiar with, but it gave me some concrete targets. As well as the general advice of less fat, more fibre, lots of fresh fruit and vegetables; I should aim for around 45 grams of carbohydrate at each meal and around 15 grams if I snack between meals. Low GI foods are preferred, and no sugary foods in isolation -- so I can't have a cup of tea with sugar by itself, only with food, otherwise I have to use artificial sweeteners or give up the sugar. Protein with each meal.

Another thing I learned is that peanut oil is good (ie monounsaturated) so I can use it for Asian cooking -- I don't have to always use olive oil.

Something I found really interesting was how resistant people are (and I include myself here) to hearing and/or accepting things that don't fit in with their current understanding or that they don't want to hear. One very obese lady said she had never been told to count carbohydrates before. I don't know how long she's had diabetes but it seemed unlikely as that has been used in diabetes management for a long time. She complained that she couldn't have yogurt anymore because it was full of sugar. The dietitian explained that actually that was mainly lactose from the milk and some fructose from the fruit and it was low GI and healthy. But it was clear the woman didn't believe her, and was going to continue to avoid yoghurt. One man (also morbidly obese -- so there may be a pattern there of the kind of person who doesn't take advice) seemed rather proud of the fact that he doesn't have breakfast in spite of all advice to the contrary. He also liked the idea of snacking all day rather than eating regular meals, and dismissed the dietitian's concern that that method could lead to overeating and calorie amnesia. No, no, that didn't apply to him. Um, sir? Your girth contradicts you.

In my own case, the thing about the sugar in my tea came up at the last session but I managed to dismiss it's importance. Such a little bit of sugar, I said to myself, it can't be that important. That rule somehow doesn't apply to me. But I have got it into my head now. The tiny splash of milk is not enough to bring down the high GI of the sugar, so I have to eat something low GI with my tea.

More Just Dance today, conquered two more songs. Twenty to go, so plenty more hours of exercise before I'm done. I don't just do the difficult ones, I took some time at the end of the session to do a couple of favourite songs and just enjoy them. The gardener arrived as I was finishing and was trimming some plants outside the lounge room window; he didn't look in but I felt a little embarrassed anyway. At least it made me put a little extra oomph in even though I was tired!

I saw an add for another fun run yesterday, a 5k this time around Lake Burley Griffin where I like to walk/run. My first thought was that I wanted to do it. But it is in a week and a half and I haven't even restarted my training, so I'm totally not ready. And it's on a hard surface, which hurts my shins. I could just walk a lot of it, of course. But the deal-breaker for me is that you have to wear a five piece Santa suit, including a beard, which they provide when you register. I may not have mentioned it much here, but I really really really hate being hot, especially when I exert myself at all. Even a brisk walk in jeans is unpleasant, and a sauna-like Santa suit would just be a nightmare. With a hat and a big beard? No way.

There will be other races.

photo of santa fun run by VarietyAU

Odd-tasting tea

Wednesday:

After eating too much at my regular Tuesday-night supper (18 PP worth!) my weight is up a little bit today and back over 75 kg, but I am determined to get it back down by tomorrow and forever. As I was saying to another blogger who was worrying about treats, you have to allow for little indulgences or you won't stick to the diet. But 18 PP is rather too much. I'm still a work in progress. Before that I had eaten exactly my 26 PP for the day -- of the last five days I had only gone over once, by 2 PP, which I think is excellent. Until last night, anyway.

I have been working on a little domestic puzzle for a while. When I have tea at my friend Caroline's house, it often tastes unpleasant. I didn't like to say anything -- although we are good friends I am spectacularly bad at that kind of thing -- but it was often a struggle to drink it. I continued accepting tea because it wasn't always bad. I assumed at first she was giving me a flavoured tea, like Earl Grey or Irish Breakfast; but no, she would ask me "normal tea"? so I ruled that out. Then I thought an odd brand; but I saw the packet recently and it was a brand I often buy. Also normal milk, so she wasn't getting unpasturised goat's milk or anything. I trust her to give me a clean mug! It was a mystery. Until the pieces all came together.

When family was visiting last week I was unpleasantly surprised to find coffee granules in my sugar bowl. Tim and I don't drink coffee, but my mother and brother do. I hate coffee, I even hate the smell. But coffee drinkers think nothing of using a spoon to scoop their instant coffee granules into their cup and then the same spoon to get their sugar, leaving behind some nasty brown grains.

Caroline is a coffee drinker. And I have sugar in my tea. So there you go, mystery solved.

Now, what do I do about it? I love sitting with a cup of tea, especially as we move into winter, and particularly now I am turning down any biscuits or other unhealthy food offered. But I don't like coffee-flavoured tea at all. I think I might be comfortable enough to jokingly mention it and ask for sugar straight from the bag instead of the bowl. The problem with that is, if I mention it she will know that I have been putting up with coffee-flavoured tea for years! I don't want her to feel bad. I am not a particularly shy or socially-anxious person, but I do not like being in the situation of making someone else feel bad.

OMG. The drains have been starting to get clogged with tree roots as they do every couple of years and the plumber just arrived with his "eel". I took him outside and he opened the drain and a huge amount of filthy water came pouring out (over one of his boots). When I say filthy, I mean it included lots of fully-formed poo as well as toilet paper. Rushing down the path and onto the lawn. And the smell! Well, you can imagine. It won't hurt the lawn, but I might ban the kids from going out there for a couple of days. I'm hoping the plumber will hose down the path a bit. The things those guys have to deal with! I'm not overly squeamish about human waste, I dealt with years of nappies, but the smell was pretty bad. I think I can still smell it, inside and right up the other end of the house. I hope the neighbours don't complain.

The moral is, don't wait until the toilets are glubbing and burping before getting your drains cleared.

Points

Tuesday:

Since Friday I have been well under my ProPoints budget after dinner every day, and have snacked the rest of them in the evening. This is not a habit I want to get into, even though the snacks have been relatively healthy. I wasn't hungry and eating in the evening leaves me bloated at bedtime, I just ate because I had the points. I need to plan better to eat all my food types (enough dairy etc) during the day, and if I am not hungry then I won't eat.

Perhaps I wasn't as far under with my ProPoints as I thought, though; my cups of tea are 0 points each but when the sugar & milk is added together apparently 0 + 0 = 3! I've had to start tracking that differently to reflect that my tea is not 0 if I have more than one.

Weigh-ins at home are still going well, by my scale I have dropped nearly a kilo with three days still to go before my official weigh-in. D&D supper tonight and take-away tomorrow will probably stall me a bit, but I still hope for a kilo loss overall this week.

Tea

Saturday:

Ah, the irony. The day after my weigh-in, my weight finally drops back down by a whole half-kilo. Of course it doesn't matter at all that it wasn't included in my last official weigh-in! Much as I would have liked to see a big loss in my little book, I am just happy to know that it was just TOM weight and the numbers are still going down.

My supermarket had little packets of Twinings black tea on special last week -- 10 tea bags in each box -- so I bought seven different varieties to try. I have always favoured English Breakfast, but I couldn't resist the cute little boxes. And you never know. I didn't like the Russian Caravan at all, a bit bitter or something. Prince of Wales was nice if a little mild. Australian Afternoon was great, a new contender. Still a few more to try.

Until very recently I drank tea rarely, maybe once a week as a social thing when chatting with other mothers in a playgroup. (I don't drink coffee at all, and even hate the smell.) But when I started trying to get healthy I cut down on chocolate and suddenly began drinking tea every day. I guess I was getting my caffine fix from chocolate before. Now I have two cups a day and could drink more if I let myself -- I don't want to as I still have sugar in it and also don't wanted to increase my need for caffine. I've gradually cut my heaped teaspoon of sugar down to a bit less than a level teaspoon. I have also switched from full-fat milk to 2%. I can drink plain black tea but don't really enjoy it -- so why do it? I'll slowly reduce the sugar at a rate that is comfortable for me.