Zumba

Tuesday:

I weighed 72.5kg yesterday, same as last week. I have my blood test for gluten tomorrow, so this is my last bread day. Except I might have it for breakfast tomorrow before the blood test, so that will be a half-bread day. I don't intent to give up bread/carbs entirely but eating four slices a day for a month has been more of a trial that you would think. I don't think I react to gluten, but I have been feeling heavier and more sluggish than when I eat mainly unprocessed/lower carb foods.

Jasmine and I were sick yet again over the weekend. It was a weird one, on Friday afternoon my heart rate went up over 100 even though I was sitting quietly, and stayed up for a couple of hours. I could feel it racing, and I felt trembly and weak. I was a bit worried. I blamed it on Duromine, although it's never had that effect before. But the next morning Jasmine's heart rate was over 110, lying in bed, and like me could feel her heart racing. Her normal rate is very low because she is athletic and fit - around 55 I think? My normal is an unfit 80. (We both wear fitness trackers, which is how we know our heartrate.) For both of us the heartrate went down and the illness moved on to headaches and tiredness for a couple of days. Clearly a virus.

I was supposed to start work yesterday, but I emailed them on Thursday (again me contacting them, should have been the other way around!) and they had no news, they still want me if the freeze lifts but in the meantime I should keep looking for other work. Lucky I'm not desperate for work/money! Nothing much else around at the moment, except Library Assistant jobs (below my training, but I'd do it for the experience) who want people who can work evenings, which I can't. Or jobs right over the other side of Sydney, with an impractical amount of travel time.

On the weekend I signed up for a 5 day free pass at my local gym, and received the confirmation by email. I didn't go on Monday because I still felt a little unwell, and they called me to ask when I was coming in! Now that is proactive. I went today, to a Zumba class. It was exhausting but fun. I am very unfit. I used to do some Zumba many years ago, all the routines were different of course. I am good at picking up choreography though. My old gym went more hip-hop, which I didn't like, this one was all Bollywood and Latin which was great. The gym has all the usual Les Mills classes, Body Pump, Body Step etc.

I has poured rain pretty solidly for a couple of weeks (all school holidays) and the garden has loved it after a long dry spell. I think columbines look like little fairy dresses.

Birthday dinner

Saturday:

I did an hour of sweaty dance exercise this morning - and was tired the rest of the day! But I’m glad I got my body moving. I planned to do half an hour, but I was trying to get five stars in a new song and I couldn’t give up until I got it. I was so close every time - six or seven attempts in a row! I kept thinking I’d get those extra points next try.

It will be my birthday on Monday, so we went out to dinner with the family tonight. The Mediterranean food was really nice, and Ping brought a lovely chocolate cake. But a gift bag with a bottle of Limoncello (lemon liquor, I don’t know why people keep giving me alcohol I hardly ever drink!) got knocked over on the tile floor. I didn’t realise it was broken until I saw the liquid gushing out all over the floor. Both slippery and sticky! The wait-staff mopped it up for me, and took away the bag of broken glass.

I wore a special-occasion winter dress that I’ve only worn two or three times since I bought it about five years ago, but I think it might need to be retired. It was a bit loose and kept slipping off my shoulders. It’s funny how the clothes I thought most flattering when I was bigger now don’t make me look so good! But it’s all relative - I still look better now in a baggy dress than I did then in a well-fitting dress. I like being thinner!

Back on

Thursday:

I went to my doctor on Tuesday after my haircut and got another script for Duromine, so you'll have to ignore what I said before about waiting a much longer time before trying it again! I was getting frustrated with my inability to lose weight without it.

Brief summary of Duromine history (all dates are Mondays which don't 100% match with actual start and end dates but Monday is my weigh day:

Start 16/08/17: 84.7 kg, waist 102 cm (waist not measured until a week later so might have been more)
After 3 months 13/11/17: 75.1 kg, waist 97 cm.

Loss of 9.6 kg and 5 cm off waist. Minimal side effects but didn't seem to be working much by the end of the three months. Delighted with result. Felt so much happier in my body.

More or less maintained over 2 month break including Christmas period.

Restart 01/01/18: 75.4 kg, waist 97 cm
After 1 month 05/02/18: 72.6 kg, waist 96 cm

Loss of 1.8 kg, 1 cm from waist. Much stronger side effects including nausea and extremely dry mouth. Also dizziness but my doctor thinks that is my low blood pressure and the flu not the Duromine, and it continued after I stopped the medication while I had the flu. The side effects didn't seem worth the relatively small weight loss so I didn't ask for a repeat prescription.

This Monday, 05/03/18: 74.9 kg, waist 97 cm, hips 107 cm, bust 101 cm.
Regain of 1.3 kg and 1 cm on waist, most of what I'd lost in January.

The doctors at my clinic rotate every six months or so, I once tried going elsewhere to get continuity of care but didn't like the doctor who looked at my high blood sugar and obesity and basically said 'you're fine'. So I went back to this place. I have liked every single one of the doctors I've seen here over the past two and a half years (five of them I guess!) and this new one is the nicest yet! There had been a change since I last went. They are all young, female, straight from medical school I think and this is part of their work experience, up to date with new information and keen as mustard. Not much experience though. (There is also a experienced male doctor continuously there but I like to see a female.) Anyway, she gave me a month of Duromine (have to see her again before I get repeats) and wants me to get down to 65 kg which means losing another 10 kg, but she didn't just hand me the script. We talked about weight loss strategies for now and in the future when I'm no longer on Duromine, and somehow I found her more motivating that other people who have probably said the exact same thing. Probably a combination of her charisma and attitude and my own mental state. Things like restricting treats to weekends, exercising more, reducing portions, drinking more water, all stuff I know but don't always do. She wants to see me again in a couple of weeks.

Yesterday I started taking it again (have to take it early in the morning) and felt energised and appetite-suppressed all day. I foolishly read a book on the train on my way home from the city, which can give me motion sickness at the best of times, and got a bit nauseated which took a couple of hours to subside even after I got home. I had 2 fruits and 5 vegetables and some lean protein, small amount of fat, ten glasses of water. Excellent day. Nearly an hour of brisk walking, made up the last four minutes jogging up and down stairs at home because I wanted to hit an hour of exercise.

I slept poorly last night, just lay there wide awake quite a bit. Also had to get up five times to pee! Probably got four good hours of sleep. That's fine, I know it will take only a couple of nights to resolve then hopefully I'll sleep really well like I have in the past.

A little bit nauseated all day, dry mouth but not unbearably so like last time. I really hope the nausea passes soon. I keep burping (and feel better) so I seem to be creating gas in my stomach? I did 60 mins dance this morning and went for a 30 min walk in the afternoon. Tired now - that is a lot for me! Eating was good.

Handover

Saturday:

Another fairly poor night's sleep, not unusual for me plus see reasons detailed below, but of course the Duromine might have contributed. My weight continues to go down a bit each day which is awesome.

Yesterday before dinner I decided to do some exercise. I already had more than 10,000 steps but my Fitbit wasn't registering me as having done my 30 mins for the day, presumably walking around shopping centres and on gentle hills doesn't get my heartrate up high enough to count. I tried a bit of Just Dance but found it a bit hard on my shoulders, too much arm work (my shoulder pain varies a lot with things other than too much computer - cold weather, being sick, or that time of the month) so I switched to Kinect Adventures. I did a game where you are on a virtual conveyer belt and have to dodge obstacles as they appear. Squat and duck to get under, jump high to get over, dodge from side to side. Really intense exercise. I was puffing and panting, sweating, heart rate up to 150 at one point. Totally normal for my level of fitness.

The thing is, the medication has given me energy and motivation to exercise, but hasn't magically made me fitter or given me extra endurance. So half an hour of that was really tough, and then I realised after my shower how sore my legs were! All the squatting and jumping. I was stiff and sore for the rest of the evening, and it was one of the things that might have kept me awake a bit last night. Sore this morning but better once I started moving around.

Tim's plane home last night was delayed due to the weather - it's still really windy today - and he wasn't going to get home until nearly midnight so I decided to go to bed at my usual time of around 10:30. Just as I was drifting off there was a loud high pitched electronic beep. About 10 seconds later, again. I got up and tracked it down. The smoke alarm was telling me it's battery was low. Every 10 seconds, a horrible screech that echoed around the house. Problem was, even standing on a chair I wasn't even close to reaching it. The kids didn't seem to wake up. I decided to just go back to bed and wait for Tim, but I of course I couldn't sleep. Poor Tim got home after a day that started at 5am, after a long week, and had to deal with that.

A bit of nausea after breakfast again, and worse after lunch. I went for a brisk walk to get some steps in, won't be over 10,000 but should be over my current goal of 7,500.

We spent most of the afternoon with the pool guy here doing the handover. It took two and a half hours! Explaining all the switches and how to balance the pH of the pool and everything. Most of that time Tim and I were standing outside with him, and as the afternoon wore on it got sooooo cold. By the time we came in I was an icicle. BUT it's (nearly) all done. Sort of. We have to spend the week adding more acid slowly, then test again next weekend. Not that we want to swim anyway! We all put our arms in at various times to feel the spa jets or lift the filter and it was so so cold. The water feature looks great, it was getting dark when  I took a photo, I'll take a better one tomorrow and post then.

One problem came up though, the heat pump isn't wired up to electricity yet! The plumbing is done but not the electricity. Pretty sure no one told me I had to get that organised. But anyway, I'll call our electrician on Monday. So we still don't know how that is going to sound, or if we need to move it to pacify the neighbours.

You may remember we got a big skip bin two weeks ago for our big clean up. Well it's still sitting out the front. I've talked to the guy three times and he keeps saying he'll pick it up, yesterday he said he would today. But it's still there! What is it with Sydney tradesmen?

And our tiler in the past couple of weeks has promised Monday, then Thursday, now next Wednesday. Sigh.

Oh well, we have a pool with a working light and beautiful waterfall and it looks lovely when I'm not freezing my toes off.

Day One

Wednesday:

For the record, I weighed in this morning at 83.8 kg.

I had my usual restless sleep last night, waking for a long time from around 5am then drifting off for a while into night sweats and frustrating dreams, then waking about 6:30 with a bit of a headache, when I got up and took my first pill. I mention the bad sleep and headache to show they predate taking the Duromine are not a side effect (necessarily) if/when it happens again. My night sweat frustration dream was funny, I couldn't find the diet pills and then was trying to weigh myself and had to wait in line for all my relatives to weigh themselves first and then the scales kept giving me crazy numbers like 2.5 kg or over 200 kg so I had to keep trying over again. Silly. I don't enjoy these dreams but I'm very glad I don't have scary nightmares instead, I can deal with a bit of frustration.

Early morning was much as usual, I never want breakfast and have to make myself eat so that I don't get suddenly ravenous mid-morning and make bad choices, no change there. Slight nausea after breakfast of homemade yoghurt with passionfruit and chia seeds. I've made a careful food plan for the next few days, just in case I lose all interest in eating - still have to nourish and fuel my body!

BTW the skin around my eyes is still sore and dry and inflamed after three days. I tried putting some soothing cream on but it stung like fury, which probably means the skin is broken. But then this morning I tried slices of cucumber on my eyes. So nice! And with lasting effect. Sometimes the old remedies are the best. Apple cider vinegar worked on my foot wart when none of the commercial preparations or freezing did.

When my Fitbit finished charging, I went and did some exercise. Half an hour of Just Dance (Xbox active game) then 10 mins Tai Chi to cool down. I felt a tiny bit lightheaded during dance and kept my eye on my heartrate (132bpm was the highest, which is fine, right in the zone. When I looked it up just now it said I should be able to talk but not sing - well I was trying to sing along to a couple of songs and really struggling so that was about right!) and made sure I was drinking. That is a lot more exercise than I usually do (ie mostly none) but I can't decide if the Duromine has actually given me more energy or if it's a kind of placebo effect, where I'm determined to make the most of any possible extra energy... whatever, I did it.

I was definitely hungry by lunchtime, certainly not 'no interest in food'. I had a nice stir fry of pork, cashews and vegetables. Again, a little nausea after eating, not too bad. I went for a walk after lunch, to the shops and back, 30 mins gentle exercise. My legs were tired, maybe after already exercising this morning, I found the hills hard. But that is a bit more exercise, a bit more fat gone!

But all this exercise meant less time to study today. I didn't get everything done that I wanted to.

I was hungry in the afternoon and ate my afternoon tea of fruit and cheese, and now dinner is cooking in the oven and I'm definitely hungry again!

Verdict after most of Day One: I've eaten less and exercised more with minimal side effects so that is a win. But I'm not sure how much is due to Duromine and how much to the general pattern of the first day of a new diet, when motivation and hope are high. Certainly no dramatic changes in the way I feel. Still interested in food. Which is not a bad thing! But I'll withhold judgement until I have a few more days under my (shrinking) belt.

Library tour

Wednesday:

I decided to combine exercise with a tour of the local libraries. There are eight in the area, if I get a job with local council I could end up working in any of them. Of course I have been to my own local library many times, it is within walking distance and right next to my shopping centre. I have also popped into the main library (much bigger) once but I will include that on the tour to get to know it better. I am in the extreme west of the Shire, it is probably 30 minutes drive to the other cardinal points.

Today I went due east, to the coast. I deliberately parked a long way from the town centre and had a lovely 30 minute walk along the shore, there is a great walkway all along there. It is well into winter here and back in Canberra it would have been unbearable to walk near the lake with the frigid wind coming off it, here there a warm sun and gentle sea breeze. I was comfortable in long sleeves with no jumper, a little too warm by the time I got there.

I wandered around Cronulla library a bit. I noticed four staff members, the two doing the shelving both very young. It looked very new and modern, part of a new-looking community hub building. Not really my style, but it would be nice to work so close to the beach! There were plenty of people using the library and walking along the shore today, but not many on the beach itself - just seagulls.

But there were surfers in the water, bobbing up and down like black seals. Presumably in warm full-body wetsuits.

I walked 30 mins back to the car, it had warmed up and my clothes seemed much too hot now! And I'd decided lunch could wait, it wasn't even noon yet, but as soon as I left the café district I suddenly got very hungry. By the time I got back to the car I was hot and tired and ravenous and not enjoying it nearly so much.

I had thought to fit in three libraries today but decided to cut it down to two. I parked near a big shopping centre and ripped into a quesadilla (yum) then walked to the music shop to buy Jasmine a new reed for her clarinet then to library number two. Much smaller, smaller even than my local Menai. Very quiet, only a few people there, and one staff that I saw. It is near a major shopping hub but tucked away out of sight.

I walked back to the shops and did a quick grocery run, then drove home. In all nearly 12,000 steps, and the day isn't over! I'm pretty tired and my hips are a little sore. Hmm, did the physio say something about not doing too much to start with? I've started wearing my Fitbit again and I'm loving looking at all the reports on what I'm doing. The physio is supposed to email me my exercise program but hasn't yet. I should still do my hip stretches.

Avoiding temptation

Tuesday:

I went for a walk this morning before breakfast, 30 minutes along the other side of the creek and back. Like on this side, there are houses on one side of the road but often the other side is bushland. (That dirt track isn't the road, by the way, it's a path leading down to the creek!)

I diverted into every little side street as I went, there were lots of short cul-de-sacs on the quite steep hill. The suburb name over there starts with a B, and so far every street I've traversed on a couple of visits starts with a B. Some town planners idea of a good time. Seems a bit confusing to me, if you are looking for a particular street and they all sound the same.

I got home and had breakfast, home-made Greek-style yoghurt with fresh mango. Delicious! I had that for dessert the other day, but it feels like a virtuous breakfast too. I don't know how to turn the photo right-side up.

My sister-in-law invited us out for lunch at Yum Cha. If you haven't had it, Yum Cha is authentic Chinese food they bring around endlessly on little trolleys and stamp your card for what you eat so you know how much to pay at the end. It can be a bit challenging if you are used to Westernised Chinese food, and also the waitresses might not speak a lot of English, but Ping is Chinese so she can translate everything and tell us what is in all the dishes. I love Yum Cha (some of it! not the chicken feet or beef tendons!) but I just couldn't see how I could negotiate it on day two of a new diet. Lots of dumplings and rice noodles and salt and who knows what in the sauces. Either I would be tempted to overeat or frustrated trying to pick out a few prawns and vegetables. So we declined. I won't avoid restaurants for the rest of my life but that was just a tricky one. One temptation conquered!

For a morning snack I made myself some vegetable broth. A variety of vegetables simmered for half an hour with a dash of chilli flakes, then strain the mushy vegetables out (and simmer them again with more water for another batch, still full of flavour). It makes a tasty and surprisingly filling snack, and counts as a drink as well. I'm not really sure how many calories it has. I don't eat the veges (too mushy), but the broth is full of flavour so something from the vegetables must permeate it. Well, vegetables don't have many calories anyway so I don't worry about it. I count it as 20 calories per mug, which my tracker suggests for commercial vegetable stock. But mine has no salt!

Jasmine did my Dance game for over an hour (so much fitter than me!) and I joined her for 15 minutes of that, getting in a bit of extra exercise. Then made a delicious salad with slices of lamb and cheese on top - I forgot to take a photo. All this healthy eating is time consuming!

Second temptation of the day was after lunch when the kids were eating treats from their Christmas stockings. I love Cheetos but they are a real trigger food for me. Not ready for that level of difficulty yet. I left the room and brushed my teeth.

In the afternoon we went to Putt Putt golf (mini golf) with Ping and family. It was an indoor course with the theme of having crashed a plane in a shanty town in the middle of Africa. Half a plane, crates everywhere, open market, shabby homes. Strange theme to chose, especially the dark "public toilet" room with gobs of ... um ... mud on the walls. But the course was challenging. I hit a hole in one on the first hole but it all went downhill from there. It was fun, and an hour of gentle activity that wasn't spent sitting on my well-padded behind.

I made satay chicken for dinner, mostly vegetables for me with cauliflower "rice" instead of real rice. Most of the calories were in the sauce! Yesterday was pretty easy but today I was hungry. I had my third temptation of the day after golf when the kids were having ice cream. There was nothing at the little café that I was willing to eat, so I waited until I got home, had half a banana, then waited for dinner. I am very full and satisfied after meals, but today I did get hungry between.

Still finishing my daily allotment of water, but I've done great with food and exercise. I tried to put myself out of reach of temptations instead of relying on will power, and it seemed to work.

Microlives

I was just reading an article in New Scientist about how much various things statistically affect your lifespan, measured in half-hour increments called microlives. For example two cigarettes loses you a microlife.

It said that exercising for 20 minutes gains you one microlife. That applies to the first time each day, after that you have to exercise for another 40 minutes to earn another microlife. [Edit: men get another microlife after 40 mins, women only get half a microlife for 40 mins - ie 15 mins extra life.]The implication is that this is a good thing. But what they've just told me is that I "spend" an hour of my day exercising, then I "earn back" an hour of life. The hour I just wasted? I might as well not bother.

If you enjoy exercise, then yay you'll live longer overall and you don't really need that motivation anyway to do something you like.

If you hate exercise, then you'll live longer but only the same number of hours you've put yourself through that torture so you might as well just sit on the couch. In fact if you exercise more than half an hour a day, then you're actually earning less time than you are spending. So that deal sucks.

I'm joking, really. Sort of.

I guess the question is, would you rather spend an hour exercising, or would you rather spend that hour dead?

And if you keep it to 20 minutes a day, then you are earning back 30 minutes so you end up ahead.

And this is statistical averages, individual people will be affected more or less than others.

And exercise doesn't just affect lifespan, it affects quality of life.

And maybe if I exercise enough, I'll get to like it. Then I get the lifespan and the fun life.

There's an app for that

Thursday:

Usually I like throwing myself into things, but I'm struggling to cope a bit at the moment so I'm not trying to do everything at once. What I am doing, however, is covered by cute new apps.

I have my "Headspace" for my daily meditation.

Yesterday I downloaded "Plant Nanny" - every time you drink water you get to water your virtual plant and it grows. Very cute.

And today I downloaded "Carrot Fit" that has 7-minute workouts. Carrot is a harsh taskmistress and makes it fun by being rudely abusive. Pushups become bowing before Cthulu. For squats she says you can wee on the floor if you want but to remember she isn't waterproof. Stepping up on a chair to get away from an aggressive mouse. The kids did it with me and thought it was very funny. I'm not really that keen on that sort of exercise but it's only 7-minutes (12 exercises for 30 seconds each, 10 second break), and guided by a robot overlord, so I'll give it a try.

Planning ahead

Monday:

I had a much better sleep and was also able to keep the CPAP on all night. Yay! And my eye is almost completely normal. More yay!

I realised I need to plan for Tuesday night supper. During past diet attempts, I have asked people not to bring junk food that I like, or other times we've all decided we need to eat more healthily. But it only lasts a week or two, then the junk returns. None of the others are noticeably overweight, and they are all a lot more active than I am, and I think that games night is their only splurge for the week. So they enjoy it without too much guilt. But obviously it is a problem for me.

As well as providing something healthy, I've decided to allow myself around 200 calories extra to snack on games night. On a couple of other nights a week I'm allowed a small amount of chocolate if I have the calories left, but this will be in addition to the day's regular calories. I don't want to forgo healthy food to save calories so that I can eat unhealthy food. 200 calories isn't a lot, but it's enough to enjoy. I'll wait until everyone has arrived so I can see what is available before I chose, and put it on a plate, and savour it. Apart from that I will stay away from the food as much as possible (not easy, it follows us around) and use my cognitive therapy techniques to avoid going outside my self-imposed rules - using various self-talk methods.

I still have to work on focusing on my food while I am eating. My idea of a dream food binge would be a family size packet of chips of some kind. But would I be concentrating on every mouthful to get maximum enjoyment? Not at all. I'd be in front of the TV with a book as well, seemingly doing everything possible to distract myself from the food. It doesn't make sense. Why eat something supposedly purely for pleasure yet only devote 25% of my attention to it? What a waste! The only answer I've seen is that I know I shouldn't be eating it so I'm distracting myself so I don't feel that guilt. But that reasoning doesn't work when I'm eating a healthy meal. Is food that boring to me? I profess to love it.

So far with the meals I've eaten alone, three lunches, I've managed to get through more than half before caving in and picking up a book. My first draft of that sentence was framed in a negative way (only made it half-way), but then I changed it. I'm practising giving myself credit. I get though more than half-way! That is a big leap from years of turning my mind away from the food I am putting in my mouth. And snacks eaten alone, which don't take as long to eat, have all been eaten mindfully. Real progress.

I did 20 minutes of Zumba at home on the Kinect this afternoon. More progress!! It was on the easiest intensity setting, and I still found it hard work. My legs were burning after 5 minutes! I have a hard time accepting that this is where I am with exercise at the moment. I tend to be a bit all-or-nothing, if it's not an hour of sweat it's not good enough. Any less is not worth the time it takes to get changed into gym clothes, then afterwards shower and change back ... and see where that kind of thinking has got me! Lots of exclamation marks today! Anyway, I am aiming for 30 minutes of exercise a day, in a combination of walking and Kinect games. And if I only have time or fitness for less, then any exercise is better than none. But it looks like 30 minutes is do-able, especially broken up into two sessions over the day. I did a short walk this morning, so I have done 30 minutes today.

The Zumba game told me I had burned 408 calories in 20 minutes. Hah, I wish. 20 calories a minute? Maybe Usaine Bolt does that over his 10 second sprint, I don't know, I certainly don't achieve anything like that. For my own records, I guesstimated 5 calories per minute. Even that might be a bit generous.

It is a bit sad that a year ago I could have done that sweaty hour of dance. But I'll get back there. Daily progress.

Trying little changes

Sunday:

Apart from my little slump the other day, I've had a happy and contented couple of weeks. I was so miserable on Whole30 that when I stopped the whole world seemed brighter. Everything was more pleasurable - I don't mean food (although that too), but things like cool brisk air when walking the kids to school or the smell of a lavender bush. I just appreciated everything so much more. No more headaches or endless fatigue was nice, but more importantly the depression was gone. Depression is not something to mess with, in my opinion.

So for a couple of weeks I was in between the two ends of the diet pendulum. At one end is eating everything in sight but feeling guilty about it, at the other end is restrictive dieting and feeling virtuous but in the end no able to sustain it. In between is relaxing, eating and behaving in a way that maintains my current weight. Or so I thought. After already deciding I need to take start working at it again, I weighed myself this morning and I'm up to 82 kgs. Why is loss so slow and gain so fast?

Time to get the pendulum swinging back to weight loss again.

The pendulum metaphor is sad because it is true. The harder I push in one direction, the faster I swing back the other way.

So instead of jumping on the latest diet fad bandwagon (which I do not because I am expecting to find the perfect miracle diet, but because I find a new diet exciting and motivating if only for a little while) I will try to make some small permanent changes and build on them.

I want to load myself up with new rules, but I am resisting that. Two things: drinking more (my fluid intake is always terrible and a constant struggle for me) and exercising regularly. When I've got a handle on those I will add more improvements.

Putting on my determined face

Friday:

The last 22 hours or so I've been feeling denial, anger, guilt, fear, sadness and determination. Whether I've got diabetes or "just" pre-diabetes that is getting worse, I've let this happen and I need to do something about it. When I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes last year I was very proactive for a little while but then slumped back into my old ways. I can't let that happen again.

Different authorities give conflicting advice about how much carbohydrate diabetics should eat (Australian diabetic diet guidelines are fairly high in carbs but ONLY low GI, the US doesn't seem as into the whole GI thing and suggests smaller amounts of carbs) but everyone agrees that I need to:

1) lose weight
2) exercise regularly (not just to help lose weight, exercise has other benefits for diabetics)

As a tertiary issue I need to spread carbs throughout the day. I will be going with a slightly lower-carb version of my dietician's advice and having small amounts of low GI carbs with every meal and snack. And drink a lot more water. And take my vitamin D tablets like my doctor says.

I have already cleared six months (nearly a month of that has already gone) to write a novel, which I can only work on for a couple of hours a day due to my RSI. My only other commitments within school hours are doing a bit of housework and getting the shopping done etc -- all in my own time. I have the most available time of anyone you know to fit in regular exercise. So I have the least excuse of anyone you have ever met to not exercise. I don't have to get up before dawn, or go to the gym after work, or squeeze in a run at lunchtime like many people. So I will just do it!

I can't completely shed the guilt, denial etc (yet) but I am working on building up the determination. I can absolutely do this. Lose 20 kg, get rid of the dangerous abdominal fat, get into a regular rhythm of exercise for the rest of my life, which will be long and healthy. The only thing stopping me is inertia. It is easier to sit around than get into my exercise gear and start moving. The wheels are stuck in the mud. But I've just had a huge shove to help me get going.

I felt so ill most of the day after that glucose test. And I got up four times in the night to pee like a racehorse as my body tried to get rid of all the sugar. For the next few days in particular I am going to work on being gentle to my pancreas. Regular small doses of healthy carbs that won't stress the poor thing. It's been through enough lately.

Day 2/17 Climbing Mt Ainslie

Saturday:

Last night my legs were so sore and I was so tired that I went to bed before 9.00 pm. I slept pretty soundly but woke whenever I turned over because my legs hurt, especially my calves and just above my knees. Who would have thought that only ten minutes of really intense exercise would exhaust me so much? And this morning I was very stiff.

The plan was to walk up Mt Ainslie with my friend Caroline this morning. It was raining a bit, so it was yes then no then yes. We didn't mind rain but were worried about it being slippery. We left an hour later than expected but it stayed rain-free for us. I had driven up Mt Ainslie once, to the look-out, but never walked up; Caroline had done it many times. She is much fitter than me.

I didn't have a really good idea of what to expect, I was thinking lots of stairs (particularly as Caroline had suggested it as good training for my Verti-cool challenge). Actually there were very few. The first two thirds of the climb is very steep, the path going on a straight line up through bushland with just the occasional rocky step. Then the next bit zig-zags back and forth so it's not as steep, then finally about 50 stairs at the top to the look-out with really magnificent views of Canberra and the lake.

The first ten minutes or so were the worst. My legs were already stiff and sore, and Caroline walks faster than me although I'm sure she slowed down for me. I was panting and sweating and trying to keep up. Then my muscles loosened up a bit and it wasn't so hard, but still very steep. After 30 mins we sat down briefly, Caroline thought we were more than half-way but it still looked like a long way to go. She asked if I wanted to stop but I decided to keep going. But shortly after that I said I couldn't go any further. We were up to the gentler zig-zags but my body was just so tired. Caroline asked me to wait for her while she jogged to the top (jogged! I was dying from walking!) and I decided to keep walking and I wouldn't turn around until she got back to me. But by the time she got back I had covered more than half the remaining distance on my own and was determined to get to the top. She encouraged me that it wasn't too much further and we walked up together, lots of stairs mainly which was pretty painful!

We got to the very top after 41 mins and 40 seconds of climbing. Maybe that doesn't sound so much to you, but remember it was very steep nearly all the way. After a few minutes we started down again. It was generally much easier going down, but the steepest bits were very hard on the knees. It took about 30 mins to get to the bottom.

I am exhausted. My whole body aches. I can forsee another very early night. But we are doing it again next week! Great exercise.

It was really good chatting time too. Well, when I had enough breath to talk.

Day 2 of 17 Day Diet. Started the day with hot water and lemon, fruit and yoghurt. Chicken and vegetable stir fry for lunch. No sugar in my tea. Being very good.

A delicate flower

 

Sunday:

After a couple of weeks of almost no exercise (just a little walking most days) I have lost any fitness I managed to build up. I did 45 mins of very gentle exercise yesterday: I started with Kinect Adventures which is moderate intensity (or high, with some games) but quickly had to switch to Carnival which many would say isn't exercise at all. But it had quite a bit of arm movement (tossing rings and throwing balls) which mobilised my stiff shoulders and got some blood moving, so I felt it was a good way to get back into it. That afternoon I was sore around my ribs. It took me a while to work out it was the muscles, from the exercise! Arg! That made me sore? I really am delicate.

This morning I didn't get started for a while and in the end only had half an hour before other activities took over the day, but I did a mix of high and low intensity (Adventures) and was left tired and sweaty so at least I felt like I had done a bit of work in the time.

I've been going barefoot a bit around the house as part of my plan to start toughening my feet, and they get sore pretty quickly and the skin on one of my toes is cracked. Pathetic, huh? Being barefoot on carpet, super-low intensity exercise, and my body is protesting.

This afternoon was taken up with five hours of watching a couple of hundred children (including our own) doing their end-of-year gymnastics performance. I quite liked it, but five hours? That whole last hour, with a toddler screaming next to me because every other kid in the gym was getting a medal and he wasn't, and the hard metal bench making my behind ache, was moderately horrible. But both our kids did really well. It's great they have a sport they both enjoy, so that being active is fun.

Sweat is fat crying.
Toughen up, princess.

photo from Swem library

A problem to be solved

Sunday:

I hate the heat. I really really hate the heat. Today we had our first really hot day of the season, a week before summer. It got to 32C (I believe that is 90F). My husband doesn't even think that is particularly hot, he enjoys this temperature. But I sat around all day with a headache and napped in front of the TV. I felt listless and cranky.

It's going to be nearly this hot all week, and then get hotter. Probably a lot of the next three months will be like this or worse. It is Australia, after all.

I said the other day that I'll just exercise inside; at home or in the gym, under air con. But I was so uncomfortable and drained today that I didn't even think about working out.

I can't use this as an excuse not to exercise.

I think the most logical solution is to exercise first thing. After I drop the kids off at school -- or if it is too hot even inside then I'll have to get up early. Lately I've been waiting until the afternoon to exercise for various reasons; like I'm more productive with brainwork in the morning, and I can't put on a decent bra by myself after my shower so if I want to go out anywhere I prefer to do that first, and I'm lazy so I put it off. But so long as it's too hot to exercise later in the day, I'll have to do it in the morning when it is a little cooler.

Not negotiable.

picture by bikeracer

Wednesday weigh-in: 78.1 kg

Wednesday:

Arg, only down 100g. Earlier this week my weight was going down down every day, to a low of 77.3 on Sat morning. Then I twisted my ankle. Since then it's gone up up up each day. So annoying. It's also TOM and I ate too much at D&D supper last night. But I am getting back on track now.

Speaking of D&D supper, I did a quick calculation last night and we ate an average of 1000 calories each. Not great for a snack! We'd had mainly healthy food a couple of weeks in a row but last night we were back to corn chips and chocolate and lollies. I am not blaming anyone else, I am definitely the worst offender. But at the end of the evening I did bring up the subject. Not sure how much agreement there was.

This morning was our children's "learning journey" at school so we went and looked at their classrooms and workbooks to see what they have been doing for the first 3/4 of the year. Then I dropped Tim at work and went back to the shops to exchange and/or return a few of the clothes from yesterday that didn't fit. It's a bit hard to guess without the child there to try on the clothes -- for instance one size 8 was too big for her but another size 8 from the same store was much too small! -- but it is still easier to shop without dragging bored kids around.

By the time I got home it was lunchtime, and still no exercise yet apart from a bit of walking around. The day was getting away from me. This is supposed to be my exercise-full time! Life keeps getting in the way but no more excuses. After lunch I got into my gym gear and did an hour of Just Dance 3 on the Kinect. I got 5 stars in every song on easy earlier in the year, now I am working on the hard setting. Mostly getting 4 stars first try, I'll get them all on 5 stars eventually. It was a great workout, and the time went pretty quickly.

I picked up the kids and we had afternoon tea (strawberries!) then went to the gym for Club Gecko. I did 30 mins on the elliptical, getting to 4.2 km again. I felt like I was really working hard but couldn't beat my previous time. When I got home I was ravenously hungry, and grabbed a few snacks before dinner was ready.

So I managed my two hours of exercise today, including half an hour of walking the kids to and from school. After a cloudy morning it was a lovely spring day, I want to get outside into it more. I know I need to apprieciate it now because I hate the heat (and inevitable sunburn as I am lily-white) of summer. I can feel that I did a lot today as my legs are aching a bit. Excellent.

Two hours of exercise

Saturday:

I did my two hours of exercise today! Tim dropped me at the gym and I did a BodyAttack class first. I've had some problems with BodyAttack before but today it seemed nearly pointless. I think I had to modify about 75% of the moves, either because of my shoulder (push ups and planks) or, more frequently, because of my untoned pelvic floor. Although I went to the toilet both immediately before the class and again half-way through it, I felt like I was going to wet myself during all the jumping jacks and high-knee running and superman moves etc. I had to tone it right down, which meant I didn't feel like I got a great workout. Indeed, I was wearing my heart rate monitor and I only got my rate up for 49% of the class. That is pretty dismal. I tried to keep moving, stepping instead of jumping etc, but it is not at all the same. I need a class with moves I can do, so I'll have to have another think about weekends.

I stayed for the BodyPump class, which was much more satisfactory. But I got half-way through it and was lying on the step doing the tricep moves when I suddenly realised that I felt rather .... damp ... around the underwear area. I was rather paranoid after the previous class so I packed up. I'm pretty sure it was actually sweat (different moisture pattern, sorry for TMI). This pelvic floor problem is something I should have worked on long ago, like many other areas of my life. I've only ever peed myself twice, both during extended coughing fits and luckily at home; but since having kids, during exercise I've often felt like I really needed to pee even when I had just gone. It is rather disconcerting and uncomfortable, and it prevents me from doing some high-impact exercises.

Anyway, so that was an hour and a half at the gym and then I walked home which took another 40 mins. I haven't been overly tired, but then none of the exercise was really strenuous (I am not putting myself down, I think it was a good start). I had a banana as I was leaving the gym and lunch as soon as I got home, but then had sugar cravings in the afternoon. Mmmm, chocolate.

Tim and I played Rift (computer game) for a while after lunch then at 3.00pm I noticed a couple of messages on my iPhone. They were from my children's violin teacher, and said "I'm waiting for you outside the building, where are you?" and "I've left your tickets at the box office". My first thought was that she had sent the messages to the wrong person, and was going to txt her so, but then suddenly realised that we had arranged to go to a Canberra Symphony Orchestra performance today! For $130, with ballroom dancers on stage with the orchestra. Starting at 2.00pm, an hour ago! We had no idea when it was to finish, but we dashed out the door with our grungy weekend clothes on (at least I had showered and changed since the gym) and luckily it was only 15 min drive away. When we got there of course there was no one at the box office but eventually we found one of the catering staff who snuck us in up the top. Our real seats were probably much closer to the stage, but at least we got to hear the last 30 mins. I really enjoyed it and would have liked to see/hear more, but the kids were a bit restless so maybe it was all for the best. I am a bit annoyed with myself though, I organised it but then didn't write it on the kitchen calendar so totally forgot. My fault. The orchestra finished with "The Blue Danbue"which was just lovely. The ballroom dancers waltzing around the stage was a nice touch.

Life gets in the way

Monday:

I had big plans today for lots of extra exercise. As well as the usual walking the kids to and from school and using the cross-trainer at the gym while the kids were doing their Gecko class, I wanted to walk to the shops. It would have totalled an hour and a half of exercise today. Would have.

I walked the kids to school then set off for the shops with my tiny backpack. Worked out on the way that a coat wasn't the best thing to walk briskly in, but whatever. Selected one day's worth of food. Plus strawberries on special. And some grapes, the first nice ones I'd seen for ages. And I needed dishwashing liquid. Didn't come close to all fitting in my mini backpack, so I ended up carrying an extra shopping bag and my big coat home. Slightly annoying, but I'd got in 45 mins of exercise already! Excellent.

Then at lunch time the school called to say Aiden and another boy had bumped heads in the playground and he was having some blurry vision. He'd actually hit his head in exactly the same spot that morning at home, on the handle of a pot sitting on the sink waiting to be washed. Of course I went and fetched him to look after him at home. I couldn't find anyone to bring Jasmine home so we had to go back to the school at 3 to get her. Aiden seems fine now, he is just relaxing and watching TV. But of course we didn't go to the gym.

I was so glad I had been for my long walk to the shops this morning! Otherwise I would be struggling to get in my 30 mins of exercise today. Of course looking after Aiden is more important than my exercise on any given day, but Spring is no-excuse season. If I hadn't walked this morning I would have had to find time for some exercise tonight. My health is important too.

New exercise goals

Monday:

After a very inactive weekend (my mother visited and entertained the kids by, of all things, teaching them both to knit; Tim and I took the opportunity to play lots of Rift together) I have recommitted to exercising every day. It is important, I just have to make the time. But I am done with the rowing machine, for now at least, and needed a new mountain to conquer.

I have chosen the cross-trainer (elliptical machine), a bit of a favourite from way back before I moved on to other things. This afternoon I kept up a brisk "jog" -- or whatever the correct name for the movement is -- for 30 mins. I managed 3.7 km in that time. I was suitably sweaty at the end, but I know I can go a fair bit quicker. I am setting a goal of 5 km. That will mean speeding up by a considerable amount, but I think I can build up to it in a month or so.

After that it should be warm enough for me to start jogging outside and try to tame the lake run.

I'm not really worried that I get sick of each type of exercise so quickly -- after all there are so many things to try! I just have to make sure I don't leave too big a gap between each thing. And I definitely need a goal to aim for each time. I've always been very bored by the thought of exercise just for the sake of exercise, I need a specific target to strive for to make it seem worthwhile and interesting.

Wednesday weigh in: 78.2 kg

Wednesday:

I am, for the moment, using Wednesday as official weigh-in day because this day last week I had my glucose tolerance test and was able to start my diabetes-friendly diet; and also because it was my highest point for a long time after having those three days of carbohydrate loading.

Starting weight: 79.1 kg (174 pounds)
Week 1: 78.2 kg
Loss: 0.9 kg
Total loss: 0.9 kg
Goal: 58 kg

It's a nice loss, but it is slightly artificial as half of it was the temporary gain from the carbs. Still, I did lose it.

I don't know if my "spreading out the carbs" diet is going to be enough on its own. It is doing a dandy job of keeping my blood glucose levels steady, but I also need to lose weight to make a permanent improvement in my chances of avoiding diabetes. I need to do more.

Oh, I had a bit of a binge last night. It was D&D, with supper, as usual; I had a plan to eat a limited amount. A little of this, a little of that. I ended up having a huge amount of cheese & crackers and some licorice bullets and chips and strawberries. To many carbs, and way too many calories. A couple of the guys also feel we binge too much on Tuesdays, I am going to suggest we really cut back. Healthier food, and only eating at supper not all night at the games table. I feel a bit deprived just thinking about it but it's important.

Cutting back on refined carbs and overall calories is one side of the equation. Of course exercise is the other.

Lately I have been walking the kids to and from school every day, giving me two and a half hours a week of walking; half slower and half brisk. A nice start. I also row for 30 mins about three times a week, much more vigorous exercise. I am going to ramp up the exercise more, especially during quiet times at work. I went this morning -- I didn't make it to my BodyPump class (they had finished the warm-up and half of the squat track already) so I did 20 mins on the cross-trainer, a 5 min sprint on the rowing machine, and a few sets on the chest press and leg press machines. I will be back this afternoon with the kids for Gecko class.