Caramel pie and napping

Wednesday:

I'm going to put a positive spin on a negative action. Yesterday at the usual games night I had carefully planned what I was going to eat for my extra 200 calorie treat but then someone brought a caramel pie. I knew it would be super sweet and not really my kind of thing, not on my plan and not special enough to make an exception for, and probably a million calories (I had no way of knowing) so I declined. But then a slice was cut and put in front of me and I decided to try it. It was very sweet but pretty nice, so over the next couple of hours I slowly nibbled at the whole slice.

I am not justifying this decision, it was a bad one. But here is the good bit. I haven't done a diabetes test for a while, the doctor said I didn't need the official one yet and I don't test myself at home regularly. I thought all that sugar would sent my glucose levels sky high. But I tested myself and it was 6.9 mmol/L, completely normal! It's not a definitive test under controlled conditions, but it is a pretty good indicator that my pre-diabetes is under control. As long as I keep eating healthily most of the time, I think I'll continue to improve and who knows, maybe next year the test will show I'm back to normal.

The other bad bit is increased cravings this morning. Bitterly cold day doesn't help.

I read and commented on a couple of short stories this morning and did a little bit of my own writing, then could hear that the women's gymnastics was showing on TV as part of the Commonwealth Games, one of my favourite sports to watch. My son used to do gymnastics until they tried to push him from three afternoons a week up to four. Too much for a then-six year old. Maybe he was showing promise but he got sick of the whole thing. His Russian coach was pretty shouty, too.

I get confused between artistic gymnastics and rhythmic gymnastics because they both sound dance-y, but this was the athletic one with beam and swinging around bars and all that (artistic gymnastics, I think), not the slightly less athletic-looking one with ribbons and balls. But that one is still pretty athletic. Anyway, they said that Australia had hopes of a gold medal in the team event. So I sat down to watch with the puppy on my lap. And went to sleep for 40 mins. It was still going when I woke up but we had dropped to a probably-silver (which we got). I watched the end while I had lunch. I was a bit cranky I had slept through most of it.

Unless it is actually raining, Thor's lunch is a chicken neck or two (depending on size) which he eats outside. He's mostly given up trying to bring them inside, banging on the back door with a bone in his mouth. I don't stay out with him, but he finishes so fast that I was getting worried the bones were being stolen by the local currawongs (bird similar to a crow), Aiden did see it happen one time out the window. Today I started to walk away and heard currawong calls so went back. Thor was standing guard and two birds were watching from out roof. I stood over him while he ate, but he crunched them down unbelievably fast - without even seeming to chew half of it - so I still don't know if they have been stolen in the past or if he just inhales them.

My tiredness isn't just making me miss TV. My husband is taking a week off work soon and I can't think of anything I want to do other than stay home. Jasmine has frequent rehearsals for an upcoming dance concert, but we could take a few days. Of course having a young puppy makes going away difficult, and we'd have to go a long way to get away from the cold, but I think problems wouldn't seem so insurmountable if I had some energy. Travelling, and uncomfortable beds, and deciding what to do with Thor, and being away from home, it all just seems too difficult and unappealing.

I often write these posts in stages throughout the day as inspiration hits or to avoid working. During that last paragraph I guess I was feeling a bit down, and that the morning had been very unproductive. But after that I put my head down and got a decent session of writing done and then I took Thor out for a good brisk walk - my leg hurt again but not as much - and now I feel a lot better. Writing and exercise are my two big priorities each day and if I get them done I feel good about myself. If I don't I feel guilty. I love ticking off the boxes on my to do list.

Arsenic hour

Monday:

I was so cranky tonight at arsenic hour (it is traditional for toddlers to be tired and hungry in late afternoon/early evening when mummy is trying to cook dinner). Not enough sleep last night - what a difference that makes! - and Thor getting under my feet. I ended up tying him to the kitchen table. Then I cut my finger on the aluminium foil around a tub of cream cheese:

 I took the photo because I was so cranky I was thinking about suing the makers of Philadelphia cream cheese and I wanted evidence! Well my husband is a lawyer.

Here is Thor being a good boy:

 Investigating the strawberry patch, one of his favourite places to wrestle plants into submission:

And in his second favourite garden bed, the herb patch:

 

We had our games night one day early because some of our friends are moving to another city tomorrow, their house was all packed up so they said they might as well come over. I ate too much again. This is a pattern that must not continue. I am totally for occasional treats, but not eating so much unplanned. It looks like we are continuing Dungeons and Dragons with the four of us left, for the time being at least, so managing my supper consumption is something I still need to work on. The rest of the day I did very well, even being tired and cranky. At least I don't automatically turn to food anymore - unless it is right in front of me. 



Planning ahead

Monday:

I had a much better sleep and was also able to keep the CPAP on all night. Yay! And my eye is almost completely normal. More yay!

I realised I need to plan for Tuesday night supper. During past diet attempts, I have asked people not to bring junk food that I like, or other times we've all decided we need to eat more healthily. But it only lasts a week or two, then the junk returns. None of the others are noticeably overweight, and they are all a lot more active than I am, and I think that games night is their only splurge for the week. So they enjoy it without too much guilt. But obviously it is a problem for me.

As well as providing something healthy, I've decided to allow myself around 200 calories extra to snack on games night. On a couple of other nights a week I'm allowed a small amount of chocolate if I have the calories left, but this will be in addition to the day's regular calories. I don't want to forgo healthy food to save calories so that I can eat unhealthy food. 200 calories isn't a lot, but it's enough to enjoy. I'll wait until everyone has arrived so I can see what is available before I chose, and put it on a plate, and savour it. Apart from that I will stay away from the food as much as possible (not easy, it follows us around) and use my cognitive therapy techniques to avoid going outside my self-imposed rules - using various self-talk methods.

I still have to work on focusing on my food while I am eating. My idea of a dream food binge would be a family size packet of chips of some kind. But would I be concentrating on every mouthful to get maximum enjoyment? Not at all. I'd be in front of the TV with a book as well, seemingly doing everything possible to distract myself from the food. It doesn't make sense. Why eat something supposedly purely for pleasure yet only devote 25% of my attention to it? What a waste! The only answer I've seen is that I know I shouldn't be eating it so I'm distracting myself so I don't feel that guilt. But that reasoning doesn't work when I'm eating a healthy meal. Is food that boring to me? I profess to love it.

So far with the meals I've eaten alone, three lunches, I've managed to get through more than half before caving in and picking up a book. My first draft of that sentence was framed in a negative way (only made it half-way), but then I changed it. I'm practising giving myself credit. I get though more than half-way! That is a big leap from years of turning my mind away from the food I am putting in my mouth. And snacks eaten alone, which don't take as long to eat, have all been eaten mindfully. Real progress.

I did 20 minutes of Zumba at home on the Kinect this afternoon. More progress!! It was on the easiest intensity setting, and I still found it hard work. My legs were burning after 5 minutes! I have a hard time accepting that this is where I am with exercise at the moment. I tend to be a bit all-or-nothing, if it's not an hour of sweat it's not good enough. Any less is not worth the time it takes to get changed into gym clothes, then afterwards shower and change back ... and see where that kind of thinking has got me! Lots of exclamation marks today! Anyway, I am aiming for 30 minutes of exercise a day, in a combination of walking and Kinect games. And if I only have time or fitness for less, then any exercise is better than none. But it looks like 30 minutes is do-able, especially broken up into two sessions over the day. I did a short walk this morning, so I have done 30 minutes today.

The Zumba game told me I had burned 408 calories in 20 minutes. Hah, I wish. 20 calories a minute? Maybe Usaine Bolt does that over his 10 second sprint, I don't know, I certainly don't achieve anything like that. For my own records, I guesstimated 5 calories per minute. Even that might be a bit generous.

It is a bit sad that a year ago I could have done that sweaty hour of dance. But I'll get back there. Daily progress.

Still forging on

Thursday:

I've been keeping up the healthy eating and daily exercise. Today I walked around the lake. About 5.7km. Lovely weather for it, we've just turned the corner into autumn and it was a cool cloudy day with no wind. I went around clockwise for a change and I noticed two groups of people whose paths I crossed twice as they walked around counter-clockwise - two older ladies power-walking (not too old, maybe 55), and a mother with a little kid on a bike. Both groups must have been going considerably faster than me because of where we crossed the second time. Those older ladies were zooming along and chatting as well. And a much older man jogged past me. Just shows exercise does not have an arbitrary age limit.

I had a blood test this morning for my thyroid, hopefully that and the sleep study will give me and the doctor some useful information. All the results will be sent to the referring doctor, the one at the uni, but I'm not at the uni any more and I want to return to my regular doctor. Not sure how to manage that. Maybe just see the uni doctor one more time. She's free. Or she was to students - which I'm not any more ... all a bit muddled. But I didn't like her much and she was 45 minutes late when I was her first appointment of the day and if I see her it will just be to get my results.

I went into a pharmacy on Tuesday to check my blood pressure again. It was a different place, and instead of just being able to use their machine the chemist came over and did it, which was nice I guess. He took three readings, only five or ten seconds apart, and I got 128/90 (a bit high), 141/91 (a lot high) and 116/80 (completely normal)!! Very confusing. He told me to ignore the middle one as it was too different from the others - I hadn't discussed any health history with him and that was the one most like other recent readings. But the three were so different from each other, which made me lose a bit of faith in the whole system. I suppose that is why he took three readings, to get some kind of average.

I got through Dungeons and Dragons supper with only a lovely little pear and a few squares of dark chocolate, which are apparently good for high blood pressure. So I am doing really well on the food front as well. Healthy all the way!

Tender little hands

Wednesday:

I'm not sure if I really did well or not at supper last night. I started off by staying away from the table of snacks when people first arrived and had the usual half hour of chatting and eating. I wasn't deliberately avoiding the food, that was just a lucky side effect of my trying to juggle three TV shows I wanted to watch - recording two and watching snippets of the other.

But then I had to join everyone to actually play our game; we go into a different room (what would be a dining room in someone else's house is a library/games room in ours) but we take the snacks with us so I still had it all sitting in front of me. I nibbled at this and that. I didn't feel ill with overeating so that is a good sign. I don't think I had an excessive amount.

Today I vacuumed the house then later did 20 mins of dancing. The vacuuming was more exhausting! (My husband usually deals with the floors.) It hurts my soft baby hands, too, pushing the vacuum over the carpet. Any more and I probably would have raised a blister. I have to laugh at myself sometimes, the only callus I have is from holding a pen --- and just checked, of course that is long gone! How often do I hold a pen nowadays? On long walks the soles of my feet give out long before my muscles do. I guess I just have very carefully protected tender skin. I always wear gloves for washing dishes or gardening, and always shoes with socks, even in my own house.

My daughter's birthday tomorrow. I can hardly believe I have a very-nearly-ten year old. Surely I'm not old enough or responsible enough for that?