Progress

Tuesday:

I left my fitbit on last night and listened to my sleep meditation. I had read something that argued that wearable sleep trackers were not very accurate because they only went by movement - if you lay still it would assume you are asleep (I don't know if that is really how they do it, I was wondering if they take your very relaxed heart rate into account). So I wasn't that surprised when in the morning the fitbit informed me I had slept very well, going to sleep in 11 minutes and then resting peacefully through the night except for getting up twice to go to the bathroom. Ha! Not true, I thought, because my sleep meditation goes for about 25 minutes (not 11) and I am sure I heard the whole thing. I distinctly remember all the muscle clenching and relaxing exercises and then visualizing being in a gently swaying hammock and then ... and then ... I did not hear the rest. I had been so sure I took a long time to get to sleep. But I definitely didn't hear the last half of the meditation. I did hear it all through the first night so I know what is said. I felt really alert today so maybe I did get a good night's sleep! As I have said before, I am just a terrible judge of how well I slept, if I compare my memory of it to how I feel the next day.

I did a whole hour of exercise this morning, Fantasia again. My arm was only a tiny bit sore, it was fine. I did a classical track (Dvorak) for a change, then Bohemian Rhapsody a few times (still only four stars) then I earned the song Radioactive so I tried that out a couple of times. I am really enjoying it at the moment. I have lost my resistance to exercise, for the moment anyway, I am not getting complacent about it. In fact the only thing I don't like is that, alone in the house, after my shower I can't put on a normal bra by myself due to my shoulder injuries. And an overweight middle-aged (in the prime of life!) woman needs a proper bra! Those pretend-bra crop-top things just aren't the same. But, here is the great news, today I found that I can almost reach high enough behind my back! My left shoulder has been very slow to return to normal (three years? More?) after healing after a tear, no doubt because I don't do any physio for it, but finally it is almost there. I wonder if all this waving my arms around for Fantasia is helping loosen it up?

I had a healthy lunch and then got a very good session of editing in. I am down to the little details that suddenly occur to me during the day, like my main character compares something to a castle rampart and then I realised she's never seen a castle so maybe it would be better for her to compare it to something else. Or adding in a few lines for a minor character to show her character more fully.

Later in the afternoon I did my other meditation app which was very restful. I am feeling calm and happy. Well, most of the time. Everything is going pretty well at the moment. Of course it is very hard to judge how much of this calm comes from semi- regular meditation. I also have a little distance now from my mother's death, and I have time to myself during the day while the kids are at school. It all contributes, I imagine, to peace of mind.

I had plenty of calories left at the end of the day so I got to have a bit more of that fabulous raspberry chocolate! Yummy.

My Fitbit says I did 4850 steps today, not bad considering I didn't leave the house! I assume it counted my conducting Fantasia as steps, but I also moved around the house a fair bit during the day. Tomorrow I'll get a walk in and try to get to 10000.

Report card:
Diet: Great. Within my limits and mostly healthy, depending on how you rate dark chocolate.
Exercise: Great. I'm gradually increasing time and intensity.
Water: Good. It's getting late with still two glasses to go, but I've had ten glasses.
Sleep: Improving.
Mental health: Great.

I've been reading the autobiography of John Cleese (British comedian of Monty Python fame, weird sketch comedy) and he talks about how on the rare occasion he did a "perfect" live performance he felt really depressed for the next few days because he knew he would never/hardly ever achieve that level again. Perfection leaves you nowhere to go. So let's be happy with progress.

There's an app for that

Thursday:

Usually I like throwing myself into things, but I'm struggling to cope a bit at the moment so I'm not trying to do everything at once. What I am doing, however, is covered by cute new apps.

I have my "Headspace" for my daily meditation.

Yesterday I downloaded "Plant Nanny" - every time you drink water you get to water your virtual plant and it grows. Very cute.

And today I downloaded "Carrot Fit" that has 7-minute workouts. Carrot is a harsh taskmistress and makes it fun by being rudely abusive. Pushups become bowing before Cthulu. For squats she says you can wee on the floor if you want but to remember she isn't waterproof. Stepping up on a chair to get away from an aggressive mouse. The kids did it with me and thought it was very funny. I'm not really that keen on that sort of exercise but it's only 7-minutes (12 exercises for 30 seconds each, 10 second break), and guided by a robot overlord, so I'll give it a try.

Work in progress

Monday:

I did a bit better today, I think. I did a couple of productive things. I washed my CPAP. I took it away with us but only used it one night and then I hadn't unpacked it since we got home. So that is about a week without using it. It is all clean now with fresh water in the humidifier and set up, so I have no excuse not to use it tonight. Hopefully that will help with the tiredness. I fell asleep both yesterday and today, sitting up trying to read. Today with the kids playing a board game right at my feet.

I also used my Headspace meditation app this evening after dinner. Day Five. They are just 10 minute relaxation exercises. I am still very distracted but I won't get better if I don't practice.

I used my lovely massage chair, but today it hurt every muscle in my back. I am really stiff and sore and tense. Working on that.

Otherwise, food was a bit better today - and I resisted getting take away for lunch even though we were driving home at lunchtime! - but I didn't exercise.

I am ploughing through these books I need to read. I think two and a half yesterday. One and a half so far today, I'll read more tonight.

Still tired and sad and unmotivated. I'm a work in progress.