Update for 2024

 March

Greetings, fellow bloggers. Is blogging still a thing?

Since I last posted I have become permanent at my favourite workplace, I am in my second-last term of my Masters degree, my weight is much the same, my health isn't great at the moment, lovely husband is still lovely, my daughter is in her 3rd year of Occupational Therapy at Uni, dramas at acrogym, son is in final year of high school, father-in-law very unwell, and I need a new kitchen. 

In more detail:

About 18 months ago the organisation I work for went through a "transformation". I jokingly always put the quotation marks in, just a reshuffle with a fancy name, right?, but actually it probably was pretty major. Anyway, it included several rounds of job interviews for nearly everyone (very stressful for some who had been there a long time but had to re-interview, and quite a few people left). Firstly, permanent staff either got slotted in to new positions or had to interview if there were too many people at that level. Then casual staff like me had the chance to go for what was left. I stuffed up my interview really badly. It was online, which I had never done before, and I had to share my screen and do a demonstration. I practiced a lot and thought it went smoothly on the day despite my nerves. Then I found out I had demonstrated the thing I had been practicing and not the slightly different thing they actually asked for on the day. D'oh! I was actually rated unsuitable (apparently the panel were not all in agreement about that). I told myself I didn't care too much, I stayed casual at my favourite location instead of permanent part-time somewhere else. Then there was another round of interviews, open to external applicants, to make an 'order of merit' for future openings. I did well in that one, and was told I was top of that list. Indeed, I was offered a job quite quickly but in another city so I turned it down, but stayed top of the list. And didn't hear from them again for a long time. 

Meanwhile everyone in my library retired and new people started, except for the person I was filling in for. Stacey was there 2 days a week and me the other 3. So on my days I, as a casual and also the lowest ranking person, was suddenly the expert old-timer! Weird. Then Stacey went on long term leave. Because I was working on my Masters, my new boss let me go on 4 days per week instead of 5 (Fridays are very quiet anyway), and also put me on a long term temp contract so I could use sick leave and flex which casuals don't get. Finally at the end of last year Stacey quit. I hadn't seen her for a long time, as she was never there when I was, and she was a private person anyway, so I don't know why she had gone part time and then left at her non-retirement age. My boss hinted it wasn't good, but of course didn't share any details. Anyway, the boss called me into her office and said they would be hiring someone new, unfortunately as I wasn't on the list it wouldn't be me but she could offer me a couple of days somewhere else. Ah, what? No, I'm top of the list! After a couple of weeks sorting that out (I wasn't on the list from the failed interview, but was on the other one) I was given the job. So yay. And even better, she let me stay on 4 days and has got someone in to do the other one day (I haven't met her, but her emails are nice.) 

So I am now happily permanent. And I am nearly finished my Masters so then I will be able to go for higher ranking jobs. If I want to. I've enjoyed some of my studies but it is a lot of work so I'll be glad when I have some free time again. I've been doing well though, all Distinctions and Credits. 

That's a long enough essay for today!

Work and study

 Hello hello, all is well here. I've neglected my blog, maybe because I got involved in a chat forum elsewhere and wasn't inspired to write about my life twice. 

My weight is the same, or worse. I haven't really been making any consistent effort. But the long cold rainy winter is nearly over, weather is warming up, and I'm hoping Spring in a couple of weeks will help. Also, I'm going to have my Mirena IUD removed. It may or may not have had any effect on my weight, more likely other circumstances like Covid lockdowns were more important, but is it coincidence that when I tried a slow-release contraceptive implant (Depo-Provera) 20 years ago I put on 10 kg, and when I tried this Mirena slow-release I also regained a lot of weight? I don't know. Worth a try.  

My casual work has been up and down, lots for the first three months of the year then nothing the second three months, but things are getting interesting. My favourite library asked me to start soon 3 days a week for 10 months, which is awesome. At the same time some permanent jobs became available, that I have applied for but haven't heard yet about. Only problem was, the one I'm most likely to get/want is only one day a week - and on the same day as my upcoming casual work. I've been torturing myself in advance - what if I have to choose between my favourite location 3 days a week (perfect!) but no job security, or one day a week further away but permanent and a foot in the door for increasing later? It's government (local) so once you have a permanent job you're pretty much set for life if you want. Then yesterday my casual boss called to say they'll only need me 2 days a week after all, which would be a bad thing except the one day they are dropping is the one day at the permanent job... so hopefully the universe is coming together and I'll get that job and do both. Fingers crossed.

I'm filling the other days with working on my Master of Information Studies (Librarianship) at Uni, online. It's three years part time. I'd thought about doing it for a while and have 'calendar regret' for not starting during Covid lockdowns when I wasn't working, having the degree would have made me eligible for an even better job going at the moment, but oh well there will be more opportunities in the future. I've done quite a lot of study in the past, but the level required for Masters did overwhelm me a little at first. My first essay I barely got a Pass, which was a shock! But my second got a Distinction so I'm on track now. 

Jasmine has her P plates now so drives herself to gymnastics 4 times a week plus dance group. Driving her around every day had become part of my routine and a felt a bit lost the first week without it. Do my kids even need me any more? But seems like a good thing now. But she needs her own car! 

Nearly Christmas

I've been super busy since I went back to work, as I expected one week got extended and extended and I had to ask for a day off to get some things done, so that was great. I'm finished now for the year and probably won't be needed again until February when term starts again, the library opens before that but they don't need many staff. The big news at work is that there is a state-wide restructure - no sorry, a "transformation" which could turn out good for me as there will be more permanent positions at my level (less management positions) and they will place casuals like myself before opening recruitment to the rest of the world. They are going through the consultation process now but it should all be finalised in the first half of next year. So many meetings and information sessions! The staff at my library should all be fine, just slotted into the new positions, but they are a bit stressed anyway. Being casual suits me as I don't have to work in school holidays, but I found during Covid that a bit of job security would be very nice! And my kids are old enough now that they are fine without me. Maybe I can get part time, that would be perfect, and I know someone in my library would like to go part time but she doesn't want to apply until she has secured her new position in the new structure. 

Jasmine finished her HSC exams, she is pretty confident she did well but the uni course she wants to do requires very high marks so we'll see. The backup plan is to start a BA (which she has already been accepted to with early entry based on her school work) and then transfer across to the Occupational Therapy degree later. I've decided to start my Masters of Librarianship next year, 3 years part time. It will be a big workload while working as well so we'll se how I cope with that. 

Jasmine and I have both come down with a bit of a cold (I think), we'll have to go for a Covid test this morning. Would definitely be an inconvenience if it was Covid and we have to isolate at this time of year! I haven't even finished my Christmas shopping, let alone all the events planned over the next two weeks, like Jasmine's graduation tomorrow and formal next week. And Christmas. But I won't borrow trouble, it's probably just a cold. 

Speaking of cold, it's been such a weird spring/summer. So much rain and so many cold days. It's the middle of December and we haven't used our pool yet. Today should be lovely at about 25 degrees, but that is hardly swimming weather. I'm not complaining really, 25 degrees is just about perfect in my eyes. 

I lost a couple of kilos after getting back to work and moving around all day instead of just sitting at home, but then I stalled because my diet is still pretty bad. Two weeks before Christmas doesn't seem the best time to try to restrict the treats so it's something I'll be tackling afterwards. And some ongoing health issues have impeded my exercise. But I know I have to do something. I feel very unhealthy, and I hate that hardly any of my clothes fit me. I had to buy a couple of pairs of trousers for work but I haven't had the time or inclination to get a whole new wardrobe in a bigger size. 

There was a fascinating book at work that I wish I had borrowed (but I had already borrowed about 20 books for the holidays when I saw it and couldn't carry any more!) which had details of about 50 popular diets, just a double page on each on with their basic concepts and a sample day. Paleo and plant-based and various brand-name diets. It looked really interesting. I don't actually need it though, after 10 years of research and dieting I know what I believe is healthy for me - I just have to follow it! As Michael Pollen says: "eat food (i.e. real food, not processed junk), not too much, mainly plants". My guidelines are something like: unlimited vegetables; medium amounts of meat, fat and fruit; medium-low carbs (including starchy vegetables like potato); very low amounts of processed food and sugar. Now to actually do it...

End of Lockdown

 Morning everyone!

Lockdown in Sydney lifts tomorrow, with another few weeks of gradually increasing freedoms but basically as a vaccinated person I can do stuff from tomorrow. Shops are opening. We can see other people. The media call it Freedom Day (which they did in the UK as well, and maybe elsewhere) but I don't really like the term and some military veterans find it offensive.  

I've been in lockdown for about four months I think, leaving the house only to do the grocery shopping. And I have put on weight. Up to 88.1kg this morning, my heaviest ever, which is rather horrifying and terrible for my body. My feet hurt all the time, and my right knee when I go down stairs. I don't sleep well. I just haven't been able to find any motivation to do anything about it. Food is my friend, and I have zero interest in exercise. Hopefully that is all about to change as life gets back on track.

My boss contacted me a couple of days ago to come back to work next week! Yay! Only booked in for a week so far but I'm sure that will lead to more now that everything is opening up. I am a library technician, I had just newly retrained as one a few years ago and gave up a more secure position for one that was better for me in every way - much better location close to where I live, higher pay, lovely people - except that it was casual not permanent. That was fine for the first six months, I worked almost full time and who minds a week off here and there! Perfect! Then the pandemic arrived. Suddenly being casual wasn't so good. Permanent staff worked even when the libraries were closed, they did a lot online, but they didn't need me. A year with no work, then employed for six weeks, then Delta hit and I had another (much stricter) four months at home. Really hoping now that the majority of Sydney is vaccinated that the lockdowns can end. 

Ironically of course there is all the other things I need to be doing now that lockdown is ending, and can't because I'll be at work all day. My son desperately needs a haircut and shoes and clothes that fit. My daughter is about to start her final exams and I won't be able to drive her back and forth, she'll have to catch buses which might not go at convenient times (she only has to be at school for exams, no regular school day). Her gymnastics will also start up again face to face instead of zoom classes so I'll be juggling getting her to that. I have a few medical issues to follow up: mammogram, colonoscopy, probably should see someone about my feet. Oh well, I can cross fingers that I get the perfect balance of regular work but not every single day between now and Christmas!

None of my work clothes fit. Not a single skirt or pair of pants. Not even black jeans pretending to be trousers. And no way to shop before Monday (my boss only called Thursday, so too late to find something online). So I'll be wearing a work-appropriate top with dark blue jeans every day. It's not terrible, for a library, but not what I would prefer to wear. No-one dresses business-formal (except the boss librarian, who always looks very professional) but no-one wears jeans either. Oh well, I'm sure the students (it's an adult education library) won't notice or care. 

My husband has been working half days all this time, his workplace had morning and afternoon shifts (and cleaned the office in between) so that if one group got sick they would still have half the staff to carry on. He is back to full time tomorrow and not looking forward to getting up early in the morning! My teenage son has two more weeks of Zoom before school restarts face to face. 

We've had some lovely spring weather and I have been getting out in the garden a bit more. But the forecast is for a week of cold rain so I won't mind being in the library all day. And it's going to be awesome seeing people other than my (lovely and beloved) family and doing some useful work. 

Have a great day. 

A walk

 Thursday:

Well my employer was unable to hire me after all due to rules from higher up the chain - not for the rest of the year at least. They are not allowed to "back-fill" (fill places vacant from people going on temporary leave etc) at all. I could look for other work, but of course there is not much going. And that was pretty much my dream job. So that is depressing. Bored and lonely and sad at home. And still putting on weight. I think my sleep apnoea is back, and my pre-diabetes, and now I even might have an uncomfortable varicose vein in my foot. Very unpleasant. Most of my clothes don't fit. 

But, trying to find some good. Both my grandfather and my uncle are doing well and are at home. Poppa has a carer coming in every day so he doesn't have to go into a nursing home at this dangerous time. Uncle Greg is recovering from his stroke and even playing tennis again. I haven't seen either of them. 

I went for a walk yesterday in the spring sunshine. And saw:

*Four water dragons on the way out; the first one was on the footpath right outside our house. We often see him/her/them sunning in our backyard and leaping into our pool to hide if startled. I also saw one on the way home, not sure if it was one of the four or a new one as it was in a different spot to the others. 

*A man sitting reading a magazine at the edge of his open garage, but facing away from the street. Seemed odd. 

*A front yard completely covered in rich bare soil. A child-size blue spade sticking up showed someone was getting fun out of the dirt (or "helping") before turf covers it. 

*A man cradling a very tiny baby in a sling. All I could see was a little pink flowery hat. 

June

Friday:

New South Wales has been reducing restrictions which makes it feel like we're out the other side of Covid-19, but a neighbouring state has had an increase in cases (20 new ones, I think, Australia has been touched lightly in comparison to many places) and of course in some parts of the world the pandemic is at its peak or even just getting started.

I still haven't been offered any work. The current school term only has a week left, I had expected to get work next term but who knows? I may have to look for work elsewhere, which is sad. I really liked where I was working.

Tim, on the other hand, is swamped. He often comes home very late (one night 1.30am) or goes in very early, he has a long commute as well which makes it worse. His department had been offered Voluntary Redundancies at the start of the year, he's been there many years so it was a good deal for him with a chunk of money that would give plenty of time to look for a new job. But then Covid happened so after filling in all the paperwork and getting approval from HR we decided not to take it. He could always take his Long Service Leave for a break. Someone else in his section applied and was then told by their boss that she couldn't spare anyone! Bit late to mention it, after months of agonising and all the paperwork on both sides! But anyway, it means Tim doesn't have to regret the decision not to take it, it was never really a possibility after all. But then a new big boss took over and has fired half the management, including Tim's boss. Someone else left to get a promotion elsewhere. And now Tim is the only lawyer. He's supposed to work a nine day fortnight, but he's missed three of his last four rostered days off as there is no one to cover the work. I hope this doesn't go on very long, and they hire more people. It's crazy.

I have to do 30 hours a year of study to keep up my Professional Development, the financial year ends 30 June so I've spend quite a bit of time these past couple of weeks catching up on that. Only two hours to go.

Changing fast

Monday:

Things are changing fast here in Australia. The federal government has closed all non-essential places that people might get together and break the social distancing guidelines; like restaurants and gyms. Our Prime Minister was very cranky that people were still going to the beach on the weekend, and closed Bondi. And although he still says that he wants schools to stay open so that parents in essential jobs (like health) can work, the state Premiers both here and in a couple of other states have decided to partially defy that. Schools are still open for children who need supervision, but we have been asked to keep children home from tomorrow if possible. They will be doing their learning online - even the ones sitting in classrooms (as far apart as possible).

I have not yet heard whether my TAFE (adult education) will also close but I am guessing it will now or soon. Some subjects had already changed to online. I only had two weeks left anyway, and I doubt they'll need me in the library again until this is all over so I'll stay home with the kids. There are suggestions that it will be for 6 months but no one really knows. I'm home sick today with sore throat and headache although overall I feel better than on the weekend. No way I'd go to work with flu-like symptoms! My husband is a government lawyer and might be considered essential - he can't work from home due to the potentially sensitive information he handles. At least the trains are getting less crowded as other people stay home.

My concern in regard to my own health is not for Covid-19, but that I was supposed to have a colonoscopy soon to check for bowel cancer. I am still seeing blood. I don't know if the test will be postponed due to resources being needed elsewhere. And even if I do get tested, if I have cancer this would be a terrible time to have an impaired immune system.

The supermarkets all suspended their home delivery services because the shortages made it too difficult, but they are going to have to ramp it up a lot if we are all supposed to stay inside. Apparently freezers are sold out everywhere as people stock up. I have two fridge/freezers, one mainly used at Christmas, but neither are very large. We probably have food for two weeks if we get inventive. We'll run out of fresh fruit and vegetables in a few days though, so hopefully it won't come to complete isolation.

At least we are well provisioned in the computer/TV/games/books areas. And we have a backyard we can get fresh air in without being near anyone else.

Too young to be old

Tuesday:

I hadn't really expected to hear from my workplace until the start of school term (it's a library at a TAFE, adult learners, so they only have a few permanent staff during the quiet holiday period), but I was getting a bit worried regardless that I wouldn't get much work (I'm a casual) and I'd have to start applying for jobs again -- further away from home, new systems, less congenial. But they contacted me to offer a couple of weeks, then today updated that to 8 weeks of this 10 week term... so I can relax knowing I will still be getting plenty of work, they still like me, I still seem to be top of their list.

Jasmine returns to school tomorrow (Year 11!) and Aiden the day after (Year 8). Jasmine turns 16 on Thursday!! I can't believe I have a nearly-adult daughter. I'm too young to be this old. She claims to be taller than me too, but I always deny it. She could learn to drive now! She's not that keen though. I think she'll wait until a convenient holiday break and we'll get her professional lessons. Tim would love to teach her but I think she'd be more nervous with daddy watching.

We didn't do much these holidays. We have at least got a bit more use out of the pool with a few hot days when the air wasn't full of bushfire smoke. Today is warm enough, but the sky is a nasty brownish orange.

Work experience

Tuesday:

Jasmine came to my library to do her work experience last week. It was great having her there. The other staff showed her various things but she also spent a lot of time with me on a couple of major projects. I think she enjoyed her week.

One of the things we worked on was preparing for a storytime. Jasmine helped choose the books and music, helped prepare the craft activity (cardboard Christmas-tree ornaments) and we made musical instruments out of rice in balloons so the kids could shake along to "Jingle Bells". At the end of the session the children presented me with a huge card that they had all drawn on and told what they liked best about coming to the library. How lovely! Of course it was not just for me, Lyn has done most of the storytimes until the last few, and everyone helps when needed, so I left the card in the tea room but took photos for myself. (This is one of several pages.)

It was my last week at the library for the year. I'm a casual, so I don't know yet what is happening next year, neither do they. I brought all my stuff home, and they gave me a poinsettia (flowering pot plant) to thank me for my help this semester - it felt a bit too much like a farewell! But I hope I'll be back next year, whenever someone takes a holiday. There is going to be a bit upheaval in the department that owns the libraries next year, so even permanent staff don't know what will happen.

We put up our Christmas tree, and I've done a tiny bit of Christmas shopping. Still a lot to do!

Aiden suddenly looks like a teenager instead of a little boy. He has shot up, his feet are bigger than mine, he seems to be growing a moustache, and his voice is breaking. I'm not sure what his school report card will look like this year, he is smart and does well in class but doesn't do much homework or complete assignments if they have to be done at home - too addicted to computer games - and I'm not home to make him. We'll all have to make more of an effort next year to get him studying, and away from the screens. Jasmine has had advance notice that she got seven As and four Bs, (while doing dance, band, and competitive acrobatic gymnastics before and after school!) she doesn't know it but she'll be getting an award on Presentation Day next week. 

My weight remains stable, around 73-74kg. I've stretched out my script for Duromine (phentermine) by going on and off it. It only supresses my appetite strongly if I take a break, then it works for a couple of weeks. I have a few left but stopped taking it five days ago. I've been so tired that I've been having a couple of naps every day since I stopped work. As far as the internet can tell me, phentermine not addictive and has no withdrawal symptoms (unless you really abuse it with high doses and inject it or something), I used to be this tired sometimes before ever starting phentermine so I think taking it was masking my sleep apnoea issues. Also I have in the past had pernicious anaemia because although I eat plenty of red meat etc I don't absorb vitamin B12 very well. I couldn't find the B12 brand I had been taking and I think the alternative I found didn't work so well, I had some odd symptoms (tingling feet, mouth ulcers, muscle weakness, the exhaustion) and found that they can all be attributed to the low B12. Without B12 you can't produce healthy red blood cells. So I'm back on the "good" pills that you dissolve under your tongue instead of swallowing and I'll see if I improve within a few more days or it's back to the doctor. 

Catastrophic fire danger

Tuesday:

The kids' school and my workplace are closed today due to the risk of bushfires - I don't know if that has ever happened before. The library I work in is right next to a National Park. My colleagues are working at a different location but I stayed home to be with the children. We are on the highest risk rating, "catastrophic". The forecast is for 37C, which is not unusual for Australia, but also very windy and we've been in drought for a long time so everything is very dry. There are dozens of bushfires further up the coast and several people have died and many homes destroyed. I'm not really sure what makes today different and such a high risk for the Sydney area, when there are actually no fires nearby, but I assume the RFS know what they are talking about. Stay safe everyone.

A few days ago my boss came over to my desk and said she had bad news for me. I assumed it would be to say she couldn't accept my daughter for work experience in the library after all. But no, it was that they have received a new directive that they can't hire casuals (to replace permanent staff on leave) during the TAFE holidays. They only need one or two people in the library over the break so they have to use permanent staff. As I am casual - almost constantly employed full time so far - it means about 8 weeks with no work over December/January. I said that was fine, no problem. Inside I was jumping up and down in delight! I never wanted to work during the school holidays anyway, it's such a hassle to organise things for the kids, but I was agreeing to be obliging. I'm still making myself indispensable. I want to always be the first person they choose to hire! For example I'm doing most of the little kids' storytimes now even though I still find it scary, the usual person has been on leave or busy and no one else wants to do it. Anyway, so the "bad news" was really good news for me.

Update 7:30 pm: still no fires on this side of the river, but there is currently one in the National Park right next to my work. Possibly only couple of hundred meters away. Small but not yet under control. It’s around 10-15 mins drive away from home. Something to keep our eye on.

Logistician

Sunday:

I spent a couple of months doing a project at work, and near the end a colleague kept asking if she could help. I didn't really want her to, but after a certain point it would have been rude for me to keep saying I didn't need help so I gave in. And then got very frustrated when she kept doing things her own way (i.e. wrong) instead of mine. I spent quite a bit of time venting at home. Then last weekend I did a personality quiz '16 Personalities' which confirmed I am ISTJ (Introvert, obServant, Thinker, Judger) which I knew from doing the quiz long ago, a Logistician. And the information about that type started with a quote from George Washington:

"My observation is that whenever one person is found adequate to the discharge of a duty... it is worse executed by two persons, and scarcely done at all if three or more are employed therein."

So appropriate!

Jasmine got the braces off her teeth yesterday. She is still getting used to it. She says her teeth feel weird.

Milk

Saturday:

My weight is disappointingly up a little bit this week, 74.0kg. I blame the freezing rainy windy weather. I only got out for one walk all week. And I eat when I'm cooped up and bored. On the plus side, I am still sleeping well with no night sweats.

There are six women I work with over the two libraries, all friendly helpful people. But I'm having a slight problem with Stacey, who I was in the same library as for the first time this week. She is … too helpful? Or just doesn't listen? It started with the milk. I brought in milk to have in my tea, not knowing if there would be any there already. Stacey fussed because there was already milk in the work fridge that I could use, so I should take mine home again. But it turned out the choices were milk that was already several days past its 'best before' date (she made me sniff it and agree it still smelled ok); or her skim milk, when I prefer full cream milk, and it was right on it's 'best before' date anyway; or a frozen solid bottle defrosting on the sink that was mine from two weeks ago that someone put in the freezer - but I had no way of knowing if it had been frozen straight away or after it got old. So I wanted to keep my fresh new milk. She kept fussing and fussing about it, I should take it home so it wasn't wasted. I had plenty of milk at home, and this was a couple of dollars worth, and I didn't want any of the other three choices! My polite rebuttles were not heard.

The first day I conveniently 'forgot' to take it home with me. The next morning she started in again. Really? And she checked with me as I was leaving that I hadn't forgotten again. So I had a brainwave. I took the frozen/thawed milk of doubtful freshness home with me, and left the new one at work. And tipped the old one down the sink when I got home. And tipped the really old one down the sink at work. So we're down to two bottles at work, my fresh one and her out of date skim milk. She hasn't mentioned it again (yet).

The second incident was I had ordered a book I wanted to read from another library a couple of weeks ago, then I had a week off work. Stacey mentioned that it had come in while I was away. So she sent it back. What? She didn't keep it for me for a week, or (maybe not knowing when I was coming back) contact me to let me know it had arrived so I could come in and pick it up? She just … sent it back.

And finally, a very trivial incident on its own, she asked if I wanted some herbal tea she had just made. I said no thanks. So she gave me some. I guess I have to start being a lot more assertive.

But the milk thing was pretty funny.

Hello new library

Saturday:

I started a post about two weeks ago but didn't get very far!

I've been in my new libraries for three weeks now. I've slotted in easily and I'm glad to be there. I'm working at two libraries, most of the staff rotate between the two, both are very close to my home so the short commute is great. The staff are lovely, which I knew from my work experience last year. Usually 2 people staffing the smaller library, 3 at the slightly larger. I've had two new sets of procedures to learn/remember. It's the same computer system as I'm used to, but just finding where things are kept (twice!) is a challenge. And some things are different in each place - like my old library stored some info on a Excel spreadsheet plus a card file, one of the new libraries has printouts in a folder, and one doesn't keep records of that particular information at all. My two current libraries have the same manager so why are they different? Arg! Anyway.

It already looks like I'll be getting more work than was originally offered, so that is great. Although I was kind of looking forward to some time off!

The work itself is fine, but I'm having a hard time nonetheless. My menopause symptoms continue (I haven't seen my gyno yet, don't know if she will be able to help) and I'm exhausted all the time. Tired and cold = hungry and my weight has leapt up to 77kg. Which I think has brought my sleep apnoea back. Which makes me more exhausted. Round and round we go. Most of my work clothes don't fit, or look horrible. So as of today I am back on Duromine. I just can't function like this, I am barely getting through the days. I know Duromine can disrupt sleep, as it did mine last time I tried it (before that it seemed to actually help me sleep) but we'll see. I know I'll lose weight and have more alertness and energy during the day. I'm walking every lunchtime and just started a Tai Chi DVD at home.

Sunday:

I was a bit wakeful during the night, but no night sweats! So that is a start. And the bathroom scales are showing a downward movement already.

Goodbye old library

Saturday:

So I turned 49 the other day, one year until 50. This year I am determined to focus on my health. Sleep. Exercise. More fruit and vegetables. Water. I have made a start on some of these things.

I had my last day at my old workplace yesterday. We shared a lunch and everyone seemed sad to see me go. It wasn't a bad job, and I liked the other staff. I have a week off now (it's school holidays, Tim stayed home with the kids the first week) then I start at my new workplace. Same job, different location. It's an improvement in every way - closer, higher pay, less busy etc - except that it has less job security.

I've been having a hard time the last few weeks. I've been in peri-menopause for years (it seems like I've been saying "at least five years" for a long time) and my main symptom is night sweats. At the moment it's nearly every night. I wake up all sweaty - and then get very cold because it's the middle of winter and being in damp pyjamas is no joke - and then I rarely get back to sleep. So I am utterly exhausted. Dragging myself through the days, going to bed before the kids at night. I'll be seeing my gyno but I couldn't get an appointment for another six weeks. I plan to take a lot of naps while I've got this time off, and also try some vitamin/herbal medicine.

My own little library

Friday:

Hello again! I haven't had much to report on the weight-loss front; I've gained a couple of kilograms over Easter and Mother's Day. I actually haven't weighed myself for a few weeks. In denial. No formal exercise, but I move around quite a lot at work and generally get close to 10,000 steps. I know I need to do more.

Work has been keeping me very busy. We just had Library Week which included hosting an Australia's Biggest Morning Tea event, raising money for cancer research, in two libraries over two days. 200 people in one and over 500 in the other! Spread out over about 2 hours each time, but still constant work preparing food and running back and forth from the kitchen keeping the plates and milk jugs filled, collecting donations, running games and quizzes, cleaning up afterwards. I've got today off because I was exhausted! Actually I asked for half a day, but then the shutter people called to say they could install our plantation shutters, so I got the whole day. Luxury.

Work is going really well. After finishing my Diploma last year, I started work in March this year at a TAFE (adult education) library. The three tiers of responsibility/prestige are Librarian at the top, Library Technician in the middle, then Library Assistant. I qualified as a Tech but was only able to find work as an Assistant at first. But one of my colleagues is currently on Long Service Leave so I stepped up into her job - finally being paid/treated at a Tech! The biggest difference is that two days a week I'm staffing a quiet little library all by myself (back at the old library the other days). I think this shows my boss has a lot of faith in me. I only had about three hours handover so trying to work out where everything is is a challenge! It's mostly the same systems as at my previous/main library but I have additional duties because I do everything. I love having my own little library, I feel like the boss (actually my real boss manages four libraries so I still answer to the same person), but it is quite lonely not having other staff to chat to. Of course I talk to the students a bit but it's not the same as having a chat to people you see every day.

First morning at my little library, before anyone comes in:

Full of people for Australia's Biggest Morning Tea, held all around the country to raise money for cancer research:

This TAFE teaches Horticulture and the students maintain the gardens so it is quite pretty, it's a pity I never get to go outside! Being there by myself means I'm always available, I have lunch and breaks in the office where I can see if anyone needs me - luckily there are plenty of quiet times.

My "dream job" is doing the same duties but back at the TAFE library where I did my work experience last year during my Diploma. It's closer to home and also includes some cataloguing, which is my absolute favourite part of being a library tech and they don't do it in-house at the cluster I currently work in. And guess what! I got in contact with the manager there, who of course I'd met when I did work placement, telling her how keen I was to work there, she said there might be some casual positions coming up and she'd let me know. She did, I had a formal interview (along with a lot of other people) a couple of weeks ago and got rated as suitable to be on the approved applicants list. When preparing for the interview I read about the importance of thanking your interviewer the next day, which seemed weird and uncomfortable to me, too pushy and obviously "pick me!", wasting their valuable time. But the day I got the approval I emailed to thank her for helping make the process so stress-free and how much I was looking forward to maybe working with her in the future. And the next day she offered me a position! I don't know if the thank you triggered that, but it certainly didn't hurt.

It's not a permanent job, but it's as a Library Tech in July/August while someone is away (by then I would have dropped back down to Assistant where I am), with more work probably coming up later in the year. My current boss previously indicated that she would try to backfill my position there with a casual so I could come back to it, but even if she can't I think it is worth the risk. A month at work, a month off, two weeks on, two weeks off, two months on, Christmas off.... sounds perfect!! Actually looking at the dates that have been suggested, I would be working most of term time and not during the school holidays which really is ideal for me. Of course there always the chance I would end up not getting much work next year but I'll risk it. Getting my foot wedged firmly in the door!

Hello again

Wednesday:

Hello again. I keep forgetting to post. Very busy with work plus all the other stuff that used to fill my days. Work at the library is going well. I have more experience so I don’t have to ask for help much, and I enjoy most of it - and the bits I don’t enjoy so much I still feel are contributing to the betterment of the world. Today I was sitting in the office (not at the circulation desk where we help people) and a student came to the door and handed me a little container of home made food and thanked me for taking lots of time to help her the other day. Wasn’t that lovely! It made me feel happy for the rest of the day, every time I thought of it. I’d already had lunch so I put it in the fridge to try tomorrow. I’m not sure what it is, something Middle Eastern. Kofta maybe.

I opened the library by myself today, coming in early and turning on all the systems and lights etc. Not difficult, but it’s a responsibility. I’d done it once before when Rita was sick, and I arrived 15 mins after we were supposed to open to find everything dark and patrons waiting at the door. I felt very flustered that day! This morning was much more relaxed. Another new responsibility is giving Library Orientation talks to class groups. That is stressful! I go through a PowerPoint of important info (how many books they can borrow, library fines etc) then show them around. I don’t know why they are only having Orientation now, at the very end of the term! I find public speaking nerve-racking, but I do ok.

I’ve been keeping an eye out for other jobs, just in case something really good came up. And I’ve been in contact with my boss from the library I did my work placement in, and she let me know of a job opportunity coming up there. Closer to home and better paid than this one. And they know and like me (and me them) so I feel like I have a good chance even though I don’t have a lot of experience yet. I was worried about telling my current boss (I had to ask her if she be a referee) considering she hired me only about six weeks ago, but she was lovely about it and even said if I got a short-term position they might be able to take me back afterwards. So I’m feeling very appreciated at the moment.

My weight has been stable, 71.8kg this week. I keep going on and off the Duromine (phentermine) because it is really disrupting my sleep this time around. But it does suppress my appetite, so after a few days off I try again.

Brain fog

Monday:

Well turns out I was getting sick on the weekend. I gradually got worse on Sunday. I went to work this morning but came home at lunchtime. Tummy a bit upset but mainly exhausted and brain fog. My boss wasn’t there when I left - she divides her time between several locations - and I’m not sure if I’m entitled to sick leave yet. I can make it up in flex time, if need be. Not worried about it.

Explains my low mood. I’m actually quite enjoying work. I certainly like seeing other adults and having a purpose to my days.

My co-workers all seem very nice. Rita has only been there a year, and worked in school libraries before that. I can see she would be great with kids. Friendly and helpful. Husband in the army, four year old daughter. We’ve bonded over trying to lose weight. She is quite a large woman, and has her sister’s wedding in six months. The sister has had some form of bariatric surgery to lose weight. I had thought she looked Polynesian, but turns out she is Chinese, she had an ancestry test done and was nearly 100%. Dubravka loves hiking, don’t know much else yet. Stern/caring mother type. Old-fashioned librarian! Linh has been working there for 20 years, single with a garden. Did she have a fiancée who died or did I dream that conversation (or see it in a movie)? Asthmatic, gets a bit wheezy after a flight of stairs. Caitlin started after I did and is part time so I haven’t talked to her much, youngish, unlike me has worked in other libraries. Lives inner-city, a bit rough around the edges.

I made up a table with eleven things to rate a job by (like travel time, job satisfaction, pay) and scored good, medium or bad for each. The current job got 2/4/5 (2 ‘good’, 4 ‘medium’ and 5 ‘bad’). I then thought about two positions I’d apply for if I ever see them advertised and gave my best guesses. One got 6/3/2 and the other 4/1/4 (2 unknown). It helps me clarify my thinking. This job is ok, but not somewhere I want to stay until I retire.

I missed my niece’s 6th birthday on Sunday. This week is Tim’s birthday then sister-in-law Ping’s, so I’d better be better by then!

Week two

Sunday:

I've got through a second week of full time work. Not as stressed and exhausted as the first week, but still very tired at the end of each day. A bit disillusioned that I'm doing very little of the things I was actually trained for - like cataloguing and helping people with research. I'm doing basic library tasks like helping people borrow and return books; but a lot of my time seems to helping students with computer stuff that I have no training or experience in. Some I can do - like show them how to format an assignment and print it - but often they need more complex tech help that I have no idea about, like getting them wi-fi, or helping them use computer programs I've never even seen before. I watch my colleagues and learn. But it's not what I became a Library Technician for.

I spend about half of each day on the circulation desk helping students, the rest in the office doing things like creating a PowerPoint slideshow for Harmony Day and updating lists of resources we have for the teachers of each subject. My favourite is when I occasionally get to work with actual books - like when I noticed we had different editions of the same book shelved in different places so I corrected the call number for the misfiled one and printed new labels.

Well, if it's not the perfect job I need it as a stepping stone to a better one. Maybe something better will come up. But I know the computer side is a big part of libraries now.

I'm more exhausted this weekend than I was during the week. Maybe I'm coming down with something.

Long week

Sunday:

I’ve finished my first full week of the new job. It’s been a bit turbulent. On Monday there was heavier traffic than I was expecting and I was 15 mins late, which wasn’t a drama for them but I found it embarrassing since it was only my second day. Lots of new things to learn all day and then horrible traffic on the way home. I was stressed about my kids home alone, and stressed about all the before and after school activities I had to get them to somehow while working full time. I was physically and mentally exhausted and miserable, wondering if I could tough this out.

Tuesday was better, I felt I was getting the hang of things. But then Wednesday Tim had to get up early for a flight so I woke too, did the grocery shopping before work, and I was on the circulation desk all day (helping people, mostly on my feet) and I was so tired again I wanted to quit. Thursday I was on late shift so I got to lie down for 15 mins in the morning after getting the kids to school and doing some housework before work ... I felt less exhausted Friday so maybe I’m getting used to it?

The job itself is fine, I’m quite enjoying it and the people are nice. I’ll write more about that next time.

I didn’t take Duromine this week, I was worried it could contribute to anxiety (although it’s never had that effect on me before) and difficulty sleeping. I did sleep better without it. But I’m back on it now. I am really keen to lose a few more kilograms. I’m determined to fit into those lovely black trousers this winter!

Jasmine had exciting news, she moved up to level 3 in Acrogymnastics at the start of this year and now she’s jumped up to 3A. She will be in a trio for the first time, instead of a pair, one of two bases with a littler girl as the ‘top’. From 3A the competitions get more serious, they judge things like synchronicity and the dance elements as well as the lifts and throws. It means up to 9 hours a week practice instead of 4! And proper fancy costumes instead of the team uniform. And National competitions instead of just State! So proud of her.

Library Technician

Sunday:

I started my new job on Friday, my first paid position as a Library Technician. (Short history: I did a BA, then was a public servant for ten years, married and had two children and stayed home with them, did post-grad cert as an editor and did freelance work from home for a few years, then did Diploma in Library stuff which I finished last year.) Library Technicians do most things a Librarian does except the management and admin stuff. This job is essentially the same as I did for work experience last year, so I know the computer system and most of the procedures although of course every library is slightly different. There are four other staff in my office, and another new person is starting next week. They have been understaffed for ages waiting for this hiring freeze to end.

Everyone seemed nice and welcoming. I spent a lot of the day with my boss Angela who went through induction stuff (Work Health and Safety, computer systems etc) and got shown around bits of the campus at different times by all the others. It's the Library for a TAFE - tertiary education in things like child care studies, animal care, hairdressing, English for migrants, and High School equivalency. My job will be mainly helping students borrow and return books, use the computers and photocopiers, find stuff for research for assignments etc. Hopefully I'll get to catalogue new books. Apparently I'll be in charge of inter-library loans once I'm up to speed. Putting books back on the shelf. Creating book displays and helping plan and run library events.

 We have a tiny dingy tea room that we share with student services, not even on our floor of the building, useful fridge and microwave but not a pleasant place to eat so at lunchtime I went and sat in the shade in one of the courtyards. This is looking back at my building. There is a nicer bigger staff tea room in another building but you need a key and it wastes part of your break getting there and back.

I worked in the same suburb for my very first job many years ago, it is largely migrant from primarily Lebanese and Vietnamese origins - or it was back then. A lot of the female students I saw on Friday were wearing headscarves (Muslim?), and the three I helped find books about their home country for an assignment were from Lebanon, Yemen, and China. Quite culturally diverse, which is always interesting. Also the staff - of the five of us, my boss and I are of Anglo background (I am of English and Russian heritage), the others Russian, Polynesian and Chinese (I'm guessing by name, appearance and accent, I haven't had much time to get to know them yet.) No diversity in gender though! All women including the new Librarian starting next week.

I was so exhausted after my first day. My first full time work since I had kids. I'm glad I had the weekend to recover before heading into a full week.