Nearly Christmas

I've been super busy since I went back to work, as I expected one week got extended and extended and I had to ask for a day off to get some things done, so that was great. I'm finished now for the year and probably won't be needed again until February when term starts again, the library opens before that but they don't need many staff. The big news at work is that there is a state-wide restructure - no sorry, a "transformation" which could turn out good for me as there will be more permanent positions at my level (less management positions) and they will place casuals like myself before opening recruitment to the rest of the world. They are going through the consultation process now but it should all be finalised in the first half of next year. So many meetings and information sessions! The staff at my library should all be fine, just slotted into the new positions, but they are a bit stressed anyway. Being casual suits me as I don't have to work in school holidays, but I found during Covid that a bit of job security would be very nice! And my kids are old enough now that they are fine without me. Maybe I can get part time, that would be perfect, and I know someone in my library would like to go part time but she doesn't want to apply until she has secured her new position in the new structure. 

Jasmine finished her HSC exams, she is pretty confident she did well but the uni course she wants to do requires very high marks so we'll see. The backup plan is to start a BA (which she has already been accepted to with early entry based on her school work) and then transfer across to the Occupational Therapy degree later. I've decided to start my Masters of Librarianship next year, 3 years part time. It will be a big workload while working as well so we'll se how I cope with that. 

Jasmine and I have both come down with a bit of a cold (I think), we'll have to go for a Covid test this morning. Would definitely be an inconvenience if it was Covid and we have to isolate at this time of year! I haven't even finished my Christmas shopping, let alone all the events planned over the next two weeks, like Jasmine's graduation tomorrow and formal next week. And Christmas. But I won't borrow trouble, it's probably just a cold. 

Speaking of cold, it's been such a weird spring/summer. So much rain and so many cold days. It's the middle of December and we haven't used our pool yet. Today should be lovely at about 25 degrees, but that is hardly swimming weather. I'm not complaining really, 25 degrees is just about perfect in my eyes. 

I lost a couple of kilos after getting back to work and moving around all day instead of just sitting at home, but then I stalled because my diet is still pretty bad. Two weeks before Christmas doesn't seem the best time to try to restrict the treats so it's something I'll be tackling afterwards. And some ongoing health issues have impeded my exercise. But I know I have to do something. I feel very unhealthy, and I hate that hardly any of my clothes fit me. I had to buy a couple of pairs of trousers for work but I haven't had the time or inclination to get a whole new wardrobe in a bigger size. 

There was a fascinating book at work that I wish I had borrowed (but I had already borrowed about 20 books for the holidays when I saw it and couldn't carry any more!) which had details of about 50 popular diets, just a double page on each on with their basic concepts and a sample day. Paleo and plant-based and various brand-name diets. It looked really interesting. I don't actually need it though, after 10 years of research and dieting I know what I believe is healthy for me - I just have to follow it! As Michael Pollen says: "eat food (i.e. real food, not processed junk), not too much, mainly plants". My guidelines are something like: unlimited vegetables; medium amounts of meat, fat and fruit; medium-low carbs (including starchy vegetables like potato); very low amounts of processed food and sugar. Now to actually do it...

No-junk January

New Year’s Day:

Happy 2020 everyone. 2020? Seriously? I can remember when 2000 was still years away - from the other direction!

I had a mostly nice Christmas, we hosted dinner as usual plus BBQ and leftovers on Boxing Day. Unfortunately I was not at peak health, just a cold but that was enough to make cleaning and cooking for 18 even more exhausting than usual. I stayed home the day after, when everyone else went to Star Wars, and that helped my recovery. I’m fine now. We hosted a NYE party last night (I say party... we played board games. Wild!) Sadly, I didn’t get to see Poppa and my side of the family a few days before Christmas, I was at my sickest then and didn’t want to infect a 101-year-old. I’ll have to organise another trip over there.

I ate in a very unrestrained way over the past month or so, and haven’t exercised for months, and my weight reflects that. 76kg on the first day of 2020. So I’m making this ‘no junk January’ (chocolate isn’t junk!). I turn 50 this year! I know keeping control of my weight is going to be an ongoing job, but a very important one. I still have another 50 years to live in this body!

The bushfires continue all over my state, the sky is orangy-brown more often than blue. Several people have died and many homes destroyed. I’m lucky to have had only the relatively minor inconveniences of staying inside on the worst air pollution days, being unable to put washing outside, and being unsure if we’ll be able to get to our beach holiday as the roads have been closed a couple of times and it might be safer to just stay home.

Both children will be learning Spanish at school next year, so Jasmine and I have started practicing on DuoLingo. And I’ve started playing World of Warcraft again. Aside from that, some intensive resting.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone! Joy and peace and love to you all.

Natalie

Merry Christmas

Sunday:

Merry Christmas everyone!

We spent the days leading up to Christmas cleaning the house, shopping and cooking, ready for Christmas for 20. We all got involved in icing the gingerbread, here is a selection.

We were very happy that both the window and the shade sail for the pool were finished in time for Christmas. Depending on the time of day, the sail can shade anything from a thin sliver to most of  the seating area and up to a quarter of the pool. It has definitely helped ward against sunburn already, we are swimming every day with temps in the 30s. Yesterday the air was 36 and the water was 34! Almost like a bath. We were thinking of getting an image printed on the sail - a phoenix flying overhead - but it was delaying things too much so we decided to just get the plain canvas.

On Christmas morning it was up early for presents. We usually host Christmas lunch but this year we switched to dinner (evening) so we had a relaxed morning examining our presents and having an indulgent breakfast.

The afternoon was chaotic as family came and went at different times - to swim, to share presents, going home again to finish their dinner contribution then come back. It wasn't so much fun, Tim and I would have liked to be in the pool (in between tending to the turkey) but had to take turns waiting in the house to let people in. Actually when I did have a swim it wasn't much fun either due to the little girls, but more on that later. Then there was a lot of waiting around for 20 people to be ready at the same time to open presents together. Like herding cats.

Finally we all sat down to dinner together and that was lovely. As usual everyone contributed... more or less. The two unreliable branches of the family didn't bring what they said they would (of course) which was kind of funny after the mini texting war over what they wanted to bring, especially over the trifle! Only two of us provided dessert instead of four, and they didn't seem to bring much else instead. But there was plenty of food anyway, just my turkey and roast vegetables would be enough for a normal dinner and there were lots of other contributions. The turkey was tender and delicious, the secret is lots of butter! Here you see it half carved.

We played some board games in the evening. The little kids were all very tired and cranky and over-sugared by that point so were eventually taken home to bed.

On Boxing Day we cleaned up the mess from the day before (Tim's aunt had done some washing up, but basically we do it all and are also left to somehow fit all the rubbish and recycling in our bins, it takes weeks to catch up with stinky food waste stored in the freezer - oo another little gripe while I'm here one person took leftover prawns home at my suggestion BUT shelled them here and left the shells and heads in our bin! All the bulky stinky bit for us, gee thanks) then everyone came back for lunch to celebrating Tim's father's birthday. We cooked some BBQ and had leftovers from Christmas, and I made another dessert and bought a cake. Then more board games and swimming in the afternoon. The little kids were all still really overtired, one threw up (too much junk food?) and were generally out of sorts.

Oh my goodness, a word on the little girls. Emma is 5 and Eliza is 4. Emma doesn't have firm control over her emotions and there are frequent tears and tantrums. Eliza thinks she can get away with anything as long as she has a big cheeky grin on her face. Together.... well. Apart from making a huge mess and the dizzying changes from best friends to hated enemies, this holiday period they found the box of Christmas Crackers and sat down and opened every one, and then much worse when somehow unobserved they pulled all the almost-ripe peaches off our dwarf tree (and put them in one mother's bag, clearly intending to take them home) which has wasted half of them as I don't think they will ripen - the whole year's carefully watered crop! So annoying! In the pool they need constant attention of course, they both have swimming lessons but they are only little. They constantly swim out too deep then have to grab on to someone, and if that someone is not strong (Jasmine or Aiden) or a good swimmer (me) then we all nearly drown. Jasmine is a good swimmer but can't do much while trying to hold up a child in each arm. And the parents do nothing, usually tending to the younger child in their arms (we have 3 two-year-olds). I usually avoid disciplining other people's children, but if they are in my house or pool I guess I'll have to start. I was really pissed off about the peaches and did tell them not to do that again.

I was exhausted by the end of Boxing Day and I was really wishing people would leave. Some hung around to well after I wanted to be eating dinner (leftovers) and collapsing. They might have been hoping for an invitation to stay but I needed down time! Finally got them out. I spent most of the following day napping, completely worn out from days of cooking and cleaning and general chaos. I feel like I didn't enjoy it all as much as in previous years. Maybe I'm getting too old to host two days in a row. And the family gets bigger and bigger.

The few days since then it has been really hot, we stay inside as much as possible. I had to do some grocery shopping Friday morning and went at 9am, it was already scorching. Quiet days reading and computer games all morning, board games together in the afternoon (we got five new ones this Christmas!)then a swim. Even with the shade sail we don't risk swimming in the middle of the day, although lying in the hammock in the shade is nice. Family are coming over this afternoon for a swim and then the usual Sunday afternoon Dungeons and Dragons and dinner, it won't be all 20 though! Probably 8-10, I never know for sure.  

Winding down

Thursday:

Jasmine and I have been down for a few days with a horrible stomach bug. As usual, we probably caught it from one of the family kids who was here on Sunday and apparently up all the night before vomiting... 'but he's fine now, really, I wouldn't bring him if he wasn't.' Sigh. On the Tuesday Tim had to stay home and look after us both. Nearly recovered now, although Jas is home from school for her third day and she also isn't going tomorrow as there's an excursion that would get her back too late for another commitment. Nearly a whole week of school missed! But all exams are over and there is only a couple of weeks left of the school year so everything is winding down anyway.

There are a few end-of-year and Christmas parties the next two weeks. For the kids, not me. Aiden has his 'graduation' party tonight for the end of Primary School.

I've done almost all my Christmas shopping, quite a lot online this year, now I need to start thinking about the food - which is pretty much the same every year even though we're doing dinner (evening) this time instead of lunch. We host so I do the turkey and roast veges and a dessert and everyone brings something. The last two years there has been a war over who gets to bring the trifle. I don't even like trifle so I couldn't care less. I told them they can all bring trifle if they want. I'll just have the Toblerone cheesecake that I make! My husband's mother was English, so they all seem to like trifle and ham and mince pies and all that stuff.

Personal Trainer

Thursday:

I had to cancel/postpone my second session with my personal trainer today because I am sick. I took a deal of 3 sessions with a PT for $50 when I joined the gym. The first session with ridiculously tall young man was a fitness check, he got me to do various exercises to see how many I could do and also took my pulse after things. I'm not sure what future sessions will involve. I haven't been doing great getting to the gym; twice a week and that includes the PT session and a 20 min walk on the treadmill. Need to do more classes. I have made it to a couple of Zumba.

My weight peaked at 74.8 kg, I've fought it back down to 74.3 kg. Not happy with it.

Aiden turned 12 on Saturday, he had a party at Underworld Laser (running round in the dark shooting at the other team) followed by a pool party back here with friends plus family. It all went well. We were lucky with the weather being reasonably warm on the day, it was a hot winter but has been a mostly cool spring.

I can't believe he is 12 and starting High School next year! Bought his books and uniform this week. He hasn't hit his growth spurt yet so all his friends are about twice his height. The school had to order shorts for him in a smaller size than they usually carry. He certainly doesn't look like a High School student. He got did an exam and got into the extension stream at the High School (classes for brainy kids) so he is obviously academically ready - except his hand writing - but his organisation skills aren't there yet.

I've started thinking about Christmas and bought quite a few presents yesterday.

Goodbye 2017, Happy New Year 2018

Monday:

Time to look back, time to look forward.

Since this a weight loss blog, start with that! This morning I weighed 75.4 kg. I lost a total of 3.8 kg over 2017. Actually of course I gained a bit then lost more. Looking at the total difference over the year explains why people didn't notice my weight loss and I don't need a smaller size in summer clothes, I'm not really that much different than I was this time last year. But 3.8 kg loss is still a win! And I lost 0.8 kg this week, despite Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Year's Eve, several family events. I'm restarting the BSD (blood sugar diet) in earnest today, I've been sort of doing it for four days already but with added treats.

Yesterday I arranged with my cousins to go out and see Poppa for lunch, since he wasn't available at Christmas. My mother's father is 99 and still living in his own home. His younger son lives right across the road but he still looks after himself.

I let myself get a bit worked up about seeing that side of the family, all my cousins (and aunts, for that matter) are thin and I hate that I'm always the fat one. The only fat one. They are all very attractive, too. And nice people. Don't you hate that? Anyway as usual I got quite stressed and unhappy when I should have been excited to see them. But it was ok once I got there, it was nice to see everyone. And I was reminded not to assume that thin = happy. My favourite cousin was stressed about some stuff going on in her life, and clearly had low self esteem about some things. Also, when I complimented the salad she brought, she mentioned that she and her sister ate it often when they were trying to lose weight. So they are no magically thin with no effort! It's always seemed to me that they eat what they want, but in reality now we're adults I only see them at celebrations like Christmas and weddings when of course everyone is having dessert and other treats. They don't eat like that every day!

We had Tim's side of the family over here for dinner, they stayed until about 9:30 but most have young children so didn't stay until midnight. I usually go to bed myself, but for some reason allowed myself to be convinced to stay up. Not really worth it in my opinion, I'm paying for it today with tiredness.

Overall 2017 has been good for me. I've really enjoyed doing my TAFE course, our swimming pool is finally finished, and I lost a bit of weight. Probably bad stuff happened too, plenty of frustrations along the way, but I'm going to focus on the good.

And 2018? The two big goals are to finish my TAFE course and find a job as a Library Technician somewhere that doesn't have a hideously long commute, and lose some more weight. Ultimately about 18 kg but I'm not putting a time limit on that. I'm not in total control of what I weigh, only of my behaviours. I'll do the BSD for 8 weeks as a start, exercise for 30 mins five days a week, drink more water.

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday:

I hope everyone had a lovely Christmas.

We had guests over for lunch and a swim on Christmas Eve afternoon, then had a quiet evening watching carols on TV.

On Christmas morning we had a lovely time opening presents. At the crack of dawn of course. Tim and I were a bit sleepy but the kids weren't!

Tim's side of the family, plus my brother, came over for lunch. I wish I took more photos, but I was too busy! Here is one Tim took of me with cousin Daniel and his wife Martha, my brother Darren in the background.

And the dessert buffet! Mango cheesecake, sticky date pudding, lemon tart and a fruit platter.

As usual we were stuck with everyone's recycling garbage; all the wrapping paper plus bottles, boxes etc. We drop hints and one year asked outright if anyone could take some but no apparently they had no room in their bins. THEY have no room? This is what was left after we filled our recycling bin, we will have it sitting there another week before the bin is emptied and we can fill it up again. May take another fortnight!

Oh well, at least we managed to get all the other garbage (food scraps etc) into that bin which has been collected so we aren't left with stinky bags like some other years. Recycling stuff doesn't smell.

We had 18 for lunch and 12 for dinner on Christmas Day. I was glad to collapse into bed, to the soothing slosh of the dishwasher running for the umpteenth time.

A couple of people returned for lunch on Boxing Day to eat leftovers, then many of the Christmas group gathered again to go and see the Star Wars movie, a bit of Boxing Day tradition for us (a couple of people on child-minding duties went to a later session) and dinner at a restaurant which I suggested because it almost sounded like people were expecting to come back to our place and I wasn't prepared for that!

Today I basically insisted we see no-one, I needed a day to recover, but then our sister-in-law Ping has invited us over for dinner at their place which is lovely of her so we'll go there. I'd kind of rather crash at home watching the cricket but at least I don't have to cook!

A few of the more interesting events of the past few days:

I smashed two glass items on different days. On Christmas I pushed some items down the counter top, not seeing there was a glass hiding behind a box of crackers. It got shoved off the edge onto our unforgiving tile floor and smashed into a billion pieces. In a house with little children including three crawlers! Broom, dustpan and brush, vacuum, and hope we got it all. One of the adults did find a few shards - with their bare foot - but no real damage to humankind.

Then on Boxing Day I moved a casserole dish to the counter, somehow the thick glass lid slid off as I put it down and it went over the other side, again onto the tile floor. Huge smash! Broom, dustpan and brush, vacuum, Roomba. It was Aunty Vanessa's dish, luckily I had the same dish in a different pattern but the same size lid to give her. Not that she would have asked for it, she wasn't even there, but it was my fault so I was glad I had the lid to return.

There was a funny saga about dessert. When we were still deciding who would bring what, in chat online, A said she would make a trifle, but B said no she was going to, so A gave in though slightly miffed. Then B was talking about how she made 'healthy' jelly (jello) for the trifle because there is no need for desserts to be unhealthy so C asked for the recipe. Turns out it was just supermarket jelly with 'natural colours and sweeteners'. And then B didn't even bring a trifle! She just brought 'healthy' jelly and custard for the kids (I suppose those are two elements of a trifle!) -- but then she asked if she could take home leftovers of some of the other 'unhealthy' desserts! I thought it was pretty funny.

I found it a bit less amusing that B brought only a small amount of another food that fit her special dietary needs, basically only enough for her own slice of the family, even though she also ate other things on offer and everyone else of course shared everything and would have liked to try her dish. I didn't even realise she'd brought anything, I didn't see it, but others commented to me later. Ah, family dramas. They keep life from getting boring, don't they!

I was given headphones for Christmas by my brother-in-law Nick. He knew I wanted some good ones, not little earbuds that always make my ears sore, but small enough to wear on the train or out walking, and his speciality is tech stuff especially music. I didn't get a chance to try them out until Boxing Day morning and then I literally had tears in my eyes at the sound quality. Amazing. Surrounded by music.

Most of the 'real food' leftovers are gone but there are plenty of packets of chips and lollies, and boxes of chocolates, hopefully all with be eaten during the next couple of family gatherings before midnight New Years Eve. Back on strict diet from 1st January 2018!

Treats at Christmas

Monday:

Weight today 75.8, a loss of 400 grams. Not sure how that happened! But I'll take it. I've been eating mostly healthy meals, but with some added festive treats.

I've been in a (polite) argument in a weight loss forum about treats at Christmas. Someone posted that they would be taking the day off their strict diet and I agreed that I would be having some non-diet-friendly foods (actually I am every day at the moment, but I didn't say that) like dessert. The forum is anti-sugar and generally low-carb promoting. Another person argued that we shouldn't see unhealthy food as a 'treat' when it's so bad for us, can derail all our efforts, sugar is poison not a treat, you can enjoy Christmas without traditional junk etc. I said that some people do better if they allow some treats to avoid feeling deprived which can cause people to give up entirely. She disagreed, believing that planning to cheat on your diet is not a good plan, and you should forgive slips but not give yourself permission to slip beforehand. I can totally see her point, but I don't really respond well to someone else telling me what to do. It makes me feel very resistant! I respond better to people setting a good example, telling their story, without saying essentially "you are wrong do it my way which is the only true path." Does that approach work with anyone? We have all been very respectful and I know she is trying to help but it still gets my back up.

Jasmine went a friend's house yesterday and got sunburned despite sunscreen (as usual). Poor girl, she can't go in the sun at all without burning. It might take a few more hard lessons before she decides to wear long sleeves and big hats all summer. Not sure what else she can do other than never going outside at all.

Pool party

Sunday:

We had beautiful weather for our pool-warming party. Sunny and hot, but not too hot. But exhausting. Such a busy weekend! I am resting my tired feet now as I watch Love Actually.

After a morning at a four-year-old’s birthday, we spent Saturday afternoon in and around the pool. We enjoyed a swim but Tim and I were also trying to get the backyard perfect. Mowing the lawn, trimming the edges, weeding, finishing the mulching, cleaning the pool. Then Sunday morning we concentrated on the inside of the house.

People were slow to arrive but by lunchtime we had more than 30 people here, including quite a few kids. Some were in the pool while Tim manned the BBQ and I prepared the other stuff. Then we had a huge spread for lunch, and then Tim and I got to enjoy time in the pool with more people than we’ve had in there before. Other people sat in the shade in our lovely new garden and talked. There was also interest in our VR (virtual reality) headset back inside. Most of the non-family left around 4 (which was the official end time) and the remainder tucked into afternoon tea. As usual I over-catered  and we’re left with a fridge and pantry full. And everyone brought drinks so we’re left with more than we started with!

Everyone agreed that we have a beautiful pool and provided a lovely lunch, but then they would say that anyway wouldn’t they!

I didn’t get sunburned (a first!) but Jasmine was out in the pool all day and is very fair so she’s rather pink tonight, despite frequent applications of sunscreen. And Tim burned his nose yesterday. One of our guests spent a lot of time floating around on a blow-up pineapple and I think she was turning pink too. I hope no one suffers too much.

Turns out most of the part of my side of the family that lives in Sydney is going down the coast this year to spend Christmas with my cousin Lara, who married this year (or was it last year? Not that long ago, anyway). They are taking Poppa, my 99 year old grandfather, with them. So I won’t be seeing them for Christmas. That is two years in a row. Since my mother and my aunt died it seems the family has drifted apart. I no longer have a conduit for gossip or family news, I have to chase it. I thought I’d see them more often since moving to Sydney, but without mum I actually see and hear from them less. To be fair, I didn’t invite any of them to the pool party! I’ve arranged with a cousin that we’ll go out and Poppa at the same time so at least I’ll see a few people then. I’ll invite my brother here on Christmas Day as usual.

So, after today, do I dread weigh-in tomorrow? No, not really. I don’t generally overeat when with a group, I’m more a secret-eater type. So I didn’t eat more (or not much more) today despite all the piles of food. The left-overs are more of a danger.

Merry Christmas

Monday:

It's Boxing Day morning for me now. Yesterday was busy and exhausting and fun. I got the turkey in the oven early then we opened all our presents and relaxed while we could. Then I spent a couple of hours in a whirlwind of cooking then everyone came over for lunch. I think we had 16 in the end, not counting the babies. The only stressful moment was due to one couple (who didn't bring any food contributions - even though they said they would) who are currently only eating seafood. I had two people who offered to bring seafood, one forgot to bring the dish - and the traffic was terrible, they couldn't go back for it - and the other was late - again due to the unusual traffic - so for a while I thought this couple weren't going to get much to eat. I was wondering whether to heat up some fish fingers, but then aunty Vanessa showed up late with a beautiful salmon.

I've just got used to Tim's family, lovely though they are, being rather unreliable in things like this. It's been the same in previous years. People say they will bring a particular dish, or Christmas Crackers or whatever, then don't. This year two people didn't bring desserts when they said they would, one said they left it behind, the other just didn't mention it at all. This is why I over-cater! I'd made a chocolate cheesecake and a fruit salad and bought ice cream, and one person brought the trifle they'd promised. We were fine.

After lunch we opened more presents, ate snacks, and played Trivial Pursuit. We had several editions out and people could chose which box to take their questions from. Jasmine and I won playing purely from her new Christmas present "Harry Potter" trivial pursuit edition. Tim and Aiden were doing well mostly answering from the "World of Warcraft" (computer game) box, everyone else mostly used the normal questions with the occasional Harry Potter.

The babies slept almost the entire time. The two three-year-old girls were getting a bit tired by mid-afternoon. Most people left by late afternoon, I was pretty exhausted by then, but my brother stayed and a couple who had lunch with her family came for dinner. I cooked some fettuccini boscaiola to go with lunch leftovers. Finally everyone was gone around 10pm and we collapsed into bed.

To get up and do it all again today....

****

It's Tim's father's birthday on Boxing Day so we always all get together again for a BBQ. In the afternoon we usually all go to whatever big fantasy/sci-fi movie has just been released (so this year would have been Rogue One) but with three little babies didn't organise that this year. We set the house to rights, vacuuming and running the dishwasher for the umpteenth time and collecting all the empty glasses from around the house etc. Then it was time for me to start cooking again. Tim mans the BBQ and I do the side dishes and the desserts. We had another lovely family lunch (I think 16 again today, slightly different mix from yesterday) then I sat in the lounge with a couple of other women and a baby or two while others played Mah Jong and then Dungeons and Dragons, I was just too tired. Quiet chat was about as much as I could manage.

The only drama moment today was when one mother left her sleeping baby and happy three-year-old here briefly to drive her parents home a suburb away. Of course almost the moment she left, the baby woke starving. The daddy was trying to distract her when the three-year-old jumped down four stairs heavily and hurt her foot and started screaming louder than the baby. I took the baby and the daddy gave the little girl attention. I spent 15 minutes doing a tour of the house with a two-week-old baby who was very unimpressed at the lack of milk in every room, and not afraid to let me know it!

In the late afternoon it began to look like some people were expecting to stay for dinner. I was very tired and a constant stream of mothers using my quiet bedroom to breastfeed meant no nap for me, but at least we had enough leftovers that I didn't have to worry about cooking. I just threw together a salad to go with the leftover BBQ meat. I love having everyone here but four meals over two days is a lot to cater for a big group of people, and I've barely had a chance to look at my Christmas presents yet. I've had a good couple of days, but I'm rather glad everyone has gone and I can soak my tired legs in the bath and go to bed.

Babies

Monday:

Weekly weigh-in 79.7kg. Little bit up. I've been more or less the same weight for five or six weeks now, eating junky Christmas food is being balanced out by trying to eat healthy the rest of the time. Will continue like this for another week before I get serious again after Christmas.

Yesterday we went to see my new niece Ashleigh again, one week old now and at home. She slept almost the whole three hours we were there, I got a cuddle after her feed and she went back to sleep again. Her cousin baby Lucy was there too (more cuddles!), she is nine weeks old now and weighs almost exactly the same as Ashleigh does at one week! They are so different. Lucy was born small, a pale porcelain doll with a little fair hair. Ashleigh is big and olive-skinned with a shock of black hair. I say olive-skinned but olives are green or black (or purpley!) and she's none of those! As half-Chinese I suppose traditionally you could say "yellow" but I don't know why, I've never seen an Asian person who looks the slightest bit yellow to me. Light brown? I suppose I'm not "white" either, more a pale pinky brown with lots of freckles! Anyway, both babies are doing well.

Then we had family over to our place in the afternoon and for dinner. Quite a festive day.

The kids are home for school holidays now, we had to be home for a delivery this afternoon and just did the grocery shopping in the morning so not very exciting. I think Aiden is a bit tired after the school year and needs a bit of time to just relax at home. We probably won't do a lot this week other than get ready for Christmas, but Tim will be home too from Wednesday which will be nice.

Not so chipper

Thursday:

Aiden was home sick yesterday. Tim home today and I'm not feeling so chipper myself.

I watered the pool for the last time today. I thought that was the only pool thing for a few weeks, but no. The guys doing the decorative fake rock formations and water feature at one end of the pool came yesterday to look at the site, and are coming back next Tuesday to do the work! So things keep ticking on.

Haven't heard back from that literary agent yet. I didn't expect to, they say up to six weeks, but I still keep hoping every day!

I learned yesterday that my side of the family isn't doing Christmas dinner this year! We usually have lunch with Tim's family then go to my Poppa's for dinner. Poppa is my mother's father, 98 years old and still in his own home with no assistance. Of course his daughters and daughters in law help with the big dinners.But my mum and aunt died last year, a lot of people will be overseas or interstate, and one cousin is having her second baby by caesarean a few days before Christmas so my other aunt will be looking after her and the toddler. Basically it would be me and one cousin instead of the usual crowd. Poppa will have a quiet Christmas dinner with his son and I've been told to visit a few days later. It's a bit sad really, I'm not close to that side of the family but it's nice to see them at Christmas and the occasional wedding.

On the up side, I'm hosting lunch for twenty and won't have to worry about getting them out of the house at a certain time so we can leave. Usually we have to rush the present-unwrapping. This year people could hang around for a dinner of leftovers if they wanted. Although with three new babies needing naps I don't know if anyone will stay! It will probably be the one year when everyone rushes home.

Secret Santa

Monday:

I'm feeling a bit disheartened by Christmas today. Every year we buy presents for close family, but also have a "Secret Santa" where we draw names and buy one present for a not-as-close family member. When I say "draw names", I am organising it this year like most years and I make sure it works out so people aren't Secret Santa for someone they would buy for anyway. We used to all buy presents for everyone, but as everyone got married and started having children the group got too big so we switched to this. People give two or three suggestions of things they would like. This year every person who has offered suggestions has asked for a gift card from somewhere.

Maybe that seems fine to you, and if that is what people want why shouldn't they get it?, but to me it seems we've gone from careful loving thoughtful gift buying each year to essentially just giving each other money. Might as well pass some cash around the table then back into the original wallet because that is what it ends up working out to. And no present to unwrap, just a little card in an envelope. Thank goodness the children still get real presents from everyone.

So how should it be done if I ruled the world? Well for example my suggestion for myself was a mortal and pestle or earrings. Two things I genuinely want, but gives the buyer a lot of scope to choose something themselves. I can look at a gift of earrings and appreciate that they took the time to choose them especially for me. How different to me walking into a big department store and taking two seconds to grab a gift card from next to the cash register, which is what I'll be doing. Having been given a suggestion, you kind of feel you have to get what they ask for. But it makes me a little sad.

It has been suggested that next year we only buy for the children and not adults in the extended family. Might as well.

I've been hosing down the pool every day while the concrete cures. Tim and I did a bit of gardening and clearing up yesterday but really we can't do much until the pool is finished. There are lumps of dried concrete sitting on our front lawn waiting until we get a skip bin at the end of the build, and the backyard is a mess.

My sister-in-law Ping is due to have her baby in a about a week. So that is exciting. Her father is funny, he has two daughters and they both have girl children so my son Aiden is the only boy in the family (his grand-nephew-in-law? not a very close relationship!) and he makes such a fuss of him! Aiden is a bit uncomfortable I think although always very polite. We know Ping is having another girl.

My weight was up 0.4 kg this week to 79.9 kg. Very wobbly two weeks.

Merry Christmas

Sunday:

As usual, I had a lovely time over Christmas but I'm exhausted and kind of glad it's over!

The presents were ready under the tree the night before, with cake for Santa and a carrot for Rudolph.

In the morning we opened our presents and had breakfast then it was time to get on with cooking the turkey. Family arrived with their lunch contributions and we all sat down around 12:30 I think. A few of people had lunch with the other side of their family, we were 12 in number and all fit comfortably around our new table.

More present opening, then we kicked everyone out so we could go to my grandfather's for dinner, about an hour drive away. It was strange and sad without my mum or aunty Bev with us this year, and I had a nasty jolt when I saw my mum's car parked there but of course my brother drives it now. But it was nice to see the rest of my family, who I generally only see at Christmas and weddings and funerals. We will see them a bit more often now we live in the same city.

Poppa (grandad) has lived out in the country for the past 30 years, but in the last two years Sydney has expanded and enveloped him. The roads used to be rutted with no curb and houses far apart. Now there are footpaths and houses lined up side by side, Poppa's shabby little house has a high fence around with tall houses peeking over instead of looking out on open countryside. Really strange.

After dinner we walked a couple of (very new) blocks to where my cousin has bought a block of land. So far he has a rather attractive fence which he spent four months building himself, and nothing else! He backs onto a nature reserve with a creek so he will still have a bit of the country feel.

Then home again, and to bed.

The next morning more cleaning and cooking. I was expecting 17 for lunch, and when Tim's aunt arrived she mentioned that she had invited some more relatives we rarely see, so it was going to be 21! We had the leftovers from Christmas plus Tim did his magic with the BBQ and I cooked some fish for those on Lent. The guests spilled outside into the courtyard and down to the games table, but we fit them all in somehow.

After lunch we left the toddlers with a few adults and the rest of us went to see the new Star Wars movie, which we all enjoyed very much. "The force" had given us all Star Wars related clothing for Christmas, so Jasmine and I wore appropriate T-shirts but were outshone by the boys. Aiden was the new character Kylo Ren and Tim was Darth Vader - in full costume! That was fun. I was in too much of a rush to take a photo, but other people did so I'll get one from somewhere. Back home, found a few people were staying on to dinner. Of course they said they could just eat leftovers or toast, don't go to any trouble, but we'd eaten most of the leftovers already and that would be a lot of toast! I cooked roast lamb. Finally everyone left around 9:30 and I had a nice soak in the bath before collapsing into bed.

So, all in all, had a great time, but very tiring.

I don't really eat a lot at family gatherings, too busy and happy. I am a secret comfort eater, my binges are alone in front of the TV. At dinner I see other people's plates piled high with everything offered, I have a much smaller amount of my favourites with lots of free space on the plate. I do have dessert, but even then don't overeat. I wish I could be like that all the time.

I'm not waiting until Jan 1, but I am giving myself today to eat some of the leftover desserts and chocolates I was given as presents. Then I'm clearing out the fridge. 2016 is going to be my year to achieve some goals!

Christmas Eve

Thursday:

Merry Christmas for tomorrow!

The past two days have been full of present wrapping and baking and last minute shopping and cleaning. Very busy and tiring and fun. One thing both Tim and I have noticed is that other shoppers really don't look like they are enjoying themselves. Hassled mothers with bored children, dads who have no idea where the spice aisle is (I was able to help with that one). It can be tiring and frustrating, but overall I enjoy the whole process. Especially present wrapping. I can't believe some people pay someone to do that for them - or at least get the department store to do it for free. It is one of my favourite bits. Come and clean my house for me and I'll happily do all your wrapping, even the weirdly shaped difficult things.

Any attempt to eat healthily has gone out the window for the next few days, but I have plans for 2016 in many areas of my life, will talk about that in a week or so. Probably not particularly exciting, much the same as every other year really, but it's a good time to gird up the loins.

I'm off to cook the gingerbread reindeer. I'll leave one or two out for Santa. Poor guy, how is he supposed to trim down when everyone gives him cookies. How many million households?

I hope everyone has a lovely festive season with family all around.

Planning Christmas

Thursday:

Tim drove Jasmine back to Canberra so she could attend the Yr 6 graduation dinner at her old school with her friends. When we originally planned it I thought the kids would still have school here but it actually finished a day earlier in NSW, so Aiden and I could have gone and met up with some people without him missing any school here. But he didn't want to and I didn't either really. I've had enough of those long drives for the moment. They drove all the way home after, getting here after midnight (I'm writing this next morning).

I spent part the time planning my Christmas/Boxing Day menu out properly and writing shopping lists for the days leading up to it. I'm hosting Christmas lunch and Boxing Day lunch for around 17, and taking a dessert to Christmas Dinner in the evening. I still need to make my timing list, I find this invaluable for complicated cooking. What to cook in advance, then on the day when to put the turkey in, when to start the potatoes etc. Makes sure nothing is forgotten. It takes a lot of stress out of the day if I can just look at my list and see 11:55 slice the baguettes.

Aiden made paper aeroplanes and chattered away, and in the evening we watched TV together and got to bed in good time.

My mornings are so early. I don't them to be, and they don't need to be. I wake most mornings around 5am, it is still dark and quiet. I try to get back to sleep for a while, give up after an hour and get up once it's light, sit reading or playing with my phone and feeling braindead until everyone else wakes up and I can go and have a shower - I don't want to wake the rest of the house earlier. Sometimes I crawl back into bed at some point but very rarely get back to sleep. I generally feel too exhausted to go for a walk then or do anything else. Why am I waking up so early! It certainly isn't because I've had enough sleep!

We are all saving Star Wars for Boxing Day, looking forward to it.

Planning

Tuesday:

Quick hair update, another hour of work by the hairdresser (actually three clustered around her at one point!) and Jasmine's hair is smooth and knot-free, and shoulder length. And properly washed. So everyone concerned is very happy. And that salon has won a family of customers for as long as we live here. I'll have to put a nice review on their website, they took so much care.

What did I do today? Not a lot. It was another scorcher. We had a big stack of advertising catalogues put in our mailbox and I went through them looking for Christmas present ideas. We have barely thought about Christmas yet, so busy with moving. But it's time to get on with that! Need ideas for everyone including myself, and keep a few ideas in reserve because Tim's dad will ring on Christmas Eve from the shops to ask what we all want! Things for the house are high on the list for me this year, and I always appreciate books and CDs. The kids are always easy, but thinking of something for Tim will be the hardest.

I am also hosting lunch for Tim's side of the family, and taking dessert to my grandad's for dinner (it will be so strange and sad for everyone without my mum or Aunty Bev there for the first time - and Aunty Bev usually did most of the cooking work). I have started going through cookbooks and magazines for ideas. I will be cooking a turkey at lunch, and everyone contributes, but I'd love to find some new things to make. I do usually make gingerbread reindeer. And we have a tradition stolen from the cooking show Masterchef where a key ingredient is nominated and everyone makes a dish using that, and then we vote for the best. Some years that has meant a lot of similar things which hasn't worked well, and last year most people didn't bother. But it seems to be up and running again with the ingredient of lime which is very versatile and can be used for savoury or sweet dishes or even drinks. I think the very first year was the best when we used lemon. Actually the tradition started the year before that when we didn't co-ordinate dessert very well and had about five trifles. For those not of English backgrounds, trifle is a dessert made of layers of cake soaked in alcohol, cream, jelly (jello) and fruit. I don't like it much, so that wasn't a good year for me! Tim's mother was English, and his whole family loves trifle. Anyway, I need to start thinking about a lime showstopper!

Relaxing

Sunday:

I slept so much better in my own bed! And with the CPAP, which I didn't take to Sydney because the car was so full and because we were staying in four different places. But I reckon I had eight hours last night, which was amazing.

This is the wallpaper I chose for the lock screen on my new iPad. Cool huh?

The kids (and adults) have been having a great time relaxing and playing with all their presents. Christmas away from home can be tricky because they can't play with many of the things - like I wouldn't let Aiden open any of his new Lego (he got five sets) or anything else with small pieces that would get scattered and lost. So they open all this exciting stuff on the day then it gets packed away again in the suitcases and not used for another couple of days. The loungeroom floor is now completely covered in bits and pieces. Jasmine and I sat together last night and did some colouring-in and I really enjoyed it. I gave Tim a huge screen for his computer and he has a new game so he is happy. It's so nice to be home.

Christmas contrasts

Saturday:

I'm back in Canberra for a few days before I return to Sydney (alone) to spend more time with mum.

So I found out Monday afternoon that mum had been in hospital since Friday, and my brother hadn't told me. I debated whether I should drop everything and go, but my brother said she was in no immediate danger and we decided to spend the afternoon scrambling to get ready for Christmas and leave in the morning. I didn't get a lot of sleep after that decision! How much could I trust my brother's assessment? I did try ringing mum's mobile, but apparently she put it on a lunch tray and it got taken away and never returned - probably in the trash somewhere - of course I didn't find that out until later so I kept trying; and I called the hospital but at the time she was off having an MRI. So I spoke to a nurse but not to her.

Anyway, Tuesday morning we each opened one present because they weren't all going to fit in the car - we each opened the biggest one! Then the car was carefully loaded, including bags under feet and on laps. Not the most comfortable for a four hour drive. But we are big on presents in our family, especially on my husband's side. We got to Sydney and picked up mum's house key from my brother then went to the hospital.

I saw her only two weeks before and at that time she was obviously tired and unwell, but still very much herself. On Tuesday she was much worse. She didn't recognise me for a minute when I walked in, she thought I was someone else's visitor looking for a chair. Scary. She only realised it was me when Tim and the kids followed me around the curtain. She was better the rest of the visit, alert enough most of the time to go through some mail with me - we opened Christmas cards and arranged for me to pay a bill for her - but she needed to close her eyes and rest often. She needed assistance to get from bed to chair briefly so they could change her sheets. My brother said she had barely eaten in the weeks before she went into hospital, and she still wasn't. She'd had a drip for a few days but it was making her fluid retention worse and they had taken it out.

She made it clear to the doctors that she no longer wanted the cancer treatment which was making her feel so sick and not doing much good, she just wants palliative care to make her last days easier. All she wants is a private room instead of being in with three others, she is waiting for one to become available. With no hope of improvement, she doesn't see the point of hanging on. I accept this, as it is how I would feel in that situation. It is interesting that my husband's family feels the opposite, they think she needs treatment for depression so she'll have the will to live longer. Yet Tim's mother died very slowly after decades of gradual decline (MS), with a loss of all physical and mental function, and I think that would be much worse than dying relatively quickly.

We left at dinner time and weren't sure if my brother had planned for us to have dinner with him and I couldn't get through on the phone so we went to a restaurant. Then when we got back to the house he had just got back from visiting mum and was starting to prepare food for us. We pretended to eat a little bit (very late for the kids!). We were a bit dubious about eating anything he had arranged. He has OCD and hoards food. Decaying, rotting food. The house stinks and now mum isn't there (he lives with mum) it's only going to get worse. We stayed there the night, in the smell and the dust. Tim's asthma got quite bad overnight.

The next day we visited mum again then went to the other side of Sydney to our hotel. My family and my husband's live about as far apart as possible in the same city. The kids swam in the pool, we set up out little travel Christmas tree, and had dinner with my husband's family.

 

On Christmas morning we opened all our presents. My main present was an iPad air, my first tablet. Also many other things, like this cute teacup and a retro kettle and toaster. The teacup is sitting on a colouring book I bought myself after I bought my daughter one and then remembered how much I enjoyed it as a child and even a teenager.

Christmas morning was hard. The contrast between getting all the material things I wanted, and my mother terminally ill in hospital, was very strange and upsetting.

We had lunch with my husband's extended family. I enjoyed the socialising part but not the food. They just don't have the same taste in food as I do. Tim's mother was English and their food traditions reflect that. They can have eight desserts on the table with not one I like! Good for me, I suppose. Not that I went hungry. I filled up on chips and chocolates.

Long drive through Christmas Day traffic and a sudden thunderstorm, back to the hospital to see mum. She had deteriorated even more over the couple of days since our first visit. She spent most of the time lying with her eyes closed. She was too weak to open her presents - which were totally inappropriate anyway since I had bought them when she was still relatively well. I can't see her reading the books now, and she barely glanced at the digital photo frame that we set up with lots of family pictures.

My brother said he hadn't had time to buy presents - and for once I didn't blame him, he's been doing pretty well looking after mum - and he'd grabbed a few things he already had. He gave us chocolates, which would be ok, but I checked the use-by dates later and threw them all out. Expired in 2009. Not sure how rancid chocolates get in five years, but I didn't want to take the risk.

We went to my grandfather's house for dinner with my side of the family. We got there so late they had given up on us but there was enough food left, if a bit cold, and we got to have dessert with them (desserts I like!) and a chat. Only an hour or so then the cousins with small children were leaving so we did too. We had a different hotel, near Poppa's (grandad). One of the hardest things of the day was everyone talking about mum. Not that I minded talking about her, but it seemed I had to say the same things over and over to each person or group of people as someone else asked how she was. It boiled down to: she's dying. But you can't say it quite like that.

We saw mum again the next morning, she barely knew I was there. The kids have been so angelic all through this. They would visit with grandma a bit then Tim would take them off for a walk around the hospital or to sit somewhere and play with their Nintendo DSs. They never complained or showed distaste for how she looked or got impatient. And Tim drove me back and forth through stressful city traffic every day. I have such a lovely family.

It's Tim's father's birthday on Boxing Day so we always get together for lunch again, it was an even bigger group than Christmas when people have other commitments. A few more presents from people we hadn't seen yet. I don't want to sound mercenary, but it actually healed a bit of hurt I was carrying from last year when I felt a bit forgotten by some of Tim's family. This year I felt showered in presents, and therefore love. It's not about what I got, it's about people showing they care about you. I usually feel very much a part of his family, I fit in better with them than I do with my own family although they are lovely people too, so it was nice to feel included again in the present orgy.

Then we saw The Hobbit, in two shifts so there were babysitters for all the children. This is a big family tradition too, major fantasy movies seem to get released on Boxing Day here and we are all fantasy geeks so we saw all the Lord of the Rings movies together and now the three Hobbit movies. Next year it will be the new Star Wars.

Stayed at my brother-in-law's house then drove home today. So nice to be home, and I am looking forward to my own bed so much. Stress and worry have kept me awake a lot, last night even though that spare bed is horribly uncomfortable I just crashed and actually had a good sleep. But I need lots more. I actually feel a bit less stressed now. I have spent some time with mum, so I no longer have the panic of "what if she dies before I get there?" Of course I am sad and worried, but less frantic.

My plan it to have a few days at home then go back to Sydney by myself to spend more time with mum. I'll be staying at her house which will be horrible, but I'll do my best to clean and I'll just stay out of the stinking kitchen - I'll probably have to eat out every meal. I can't imagine cooking there with all of my brother's stuff everywhere. But the good thing is that the house is only 5 mins from the hospital. Tim has time off work so he can look after the kids at home and I'll only have to worry about mum. I really don't know how long I'll be there or what is going to happen.

I'll try to keep myself healthy but weight loss really isn't my focus at the moment.