Sunday:
This morning we went to see Jo in hospital. She's recovering well from the operation and will go home in a couple of days. She seemed in good spirits, considering, although she still feels that the 4 week delay since they found the mass might have made all the difference. Also, rather oddly, that her 50 years of smoking didn't cause the lung cancer. She sees the oncologist on Monday to find out what happens next.
Then we went to the Hardware store, which also has a plant nursery, and bought some garden stuff. We were there a lot longer than we expected and it was nearly 2pm when we left and I hadn't eaten since breakfast about six hours before! Tim and the kids had a sausage sandwich at the hardware store, and the kids also had hot chocolates at the hospital, but I was trying to stick to healthy food so waited until we got home. By then I was feeling a bit sick and trembly and almost teary, I assume my blood sugar was low. I'd planned to make a nice soup for lunch, no time for that obviously, I just shovelled whatever I could find into my mouth. I could never do a fast, at least not without bad consequences, I don't understand how people can feel good not eating. I feel horrible!
When I recovered, Tim and I did some work in the garden. Mostly digging up a huge rock and two huge plant root systems that had been left in the ground and were sticking up now that I'd levelled the dirt. He vacuumed the pool but unfortunately the filter thing got stuck in the skimmer box and we can't get it out! I've looked online and it's not uncommon, sometimes you have to break it (it's plastic) to get it out and buy a new one. I hope it doesn't come to that.
It's storming outside now. There was a forecast of rain for today, I'm glad it waited until late afternoon so we got some time outside.
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hospital. Show all posts
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Friday, October 14, 2016
Operation day
Friday:
Morning: uterine fibroids removal day! I don't feel like I'm nervous, but I do feel a bit sick to my stomach so I guess I am! I had to fast from 7am so I got up early and forced myself to have an early breakfast even though I wasn't at all hungry at that hour, because nothing else until dinner time! Then crawled back into bed for a while. Then mooched around the house for a couple of hours. I want to get this over with. Tim has the day off to drive me around and look after me. Several family members offered to cook for us tonight, which of course was lovely of them, but it was funny they seemed surprised that Tim was quite capable of cooking a meal! I've only told a couple of people, actually. I want to be made a fuss of, but without me saying "please make a fuss of me!" Tricky.
Have to be at the hospital 11:30 for op at 1:30.
Later: well I'm actually writing this the next morning as I crashed when I got home yesterday. I'm going to record everything I remember for my own interest.
We got to the hospital in good time and didn't have too much of a wait past my appointment to be called. The nurse asked a few questions about my health and did a pregnancy test. Fair enough, they don't want to go poking around in there then find a baby! Wrist bands with my name and details. Then back to the waiting room for an hour. I had brought a book but couldn't settle to read or concentrate on anything. Talked to Tim a bit, played with iPhone a bit, stared into space a bit.
At 12:30 they called me through and Tim went home. I put on the backless gown and paper undies and got into bed. Then another 45 min wait. I only had a sheet and thin blanket so I was a bit cold. An orderly finally came and wheeled me through the maze to outside the theatre where I was met by one of the anaesthetists. She carefully checked my identity and procedure I was here for with questions and checking my chart and wristbands. She put a warmed blanket on me which I was very grateful for because it was freezing there. Wheeled into a little alcove and met the head anaesthetist, Michael (the only name I remember). He was handsome and very charismatic! We joked around while he looked for a vein - hard to find as I was dehydrated, no water allowed since I got to hospital. No food for six hours, no water for two. Finally found one and got the cannula in.
My surgeon came in and introduced himself, someone who works with my gynaecologist (if I'd wanted her to do it I would have had to pay instead of all free). Don't remember his name either! He seemed nice though. Both he and Michael went through the whole indentity check again. I didn't mind, want them to be sure they are doing the right procedure! I was wheeled into the operating room. There were at least eight people in there! I wriggled across to the narrow operating table and was given another warmed blanket. I was fully shivering by now, partly cold and probably fear although consciously I just felt fascinated and a bit excited. I heard Michael say "let's get this started" and then I lost the next hour and a half....
[during that time they inserted a tube up through my cervix, threaded a camera and a scalpel through, and scraped off the fibroids]
I woke in post-op, slowly. Felt groggy and tired. Throat very sore. I hadn't quite realised why Michael has asked me to open my mouth wide a couple of times while he looked inside and told someone what size, but of course I had a tube down my throat while I was out. A nurse beside me commented that I was awake and held a glass of water with a straw for me, then left me for a while as I slowly woke.
Then I was wheeled back to my original ward where I fully woke up. I was allowed to get up about an hour after I first woke, and dressed, and was given a cup of tea and some cheese and crackers. Weak and a bit dizzy but not much pain. They called Tim to pick me up but he was already walking through the door with the kids! He'd headed back as soon as the kids got home from school. I found the hospital hadn't given me my scans back and had to sent someone scrubbed up into the sterile theatre to get them, while someone else's op was going on. Then we went home.
It was bad timing with peak hour traffic and took us a long time to get home. I'd been anticipating an evening sitting in front of the TV but the pain medication was wearing off and I started feeling worse and worse as we drove home. A bit sore in the abdomen, very sore throat, aching legs for some reason, weak and very tired. I stayed up only long enough to have some chicken soup then went to bed and slept for 13 hours! I did wake a couple of times and had to take some pain killers.
I bled quite a bit straight after the op but nothing since I got home.
This morning, I am feeling better, still sore and tired. Apparently general anaesthetic drugs take at least 24 hours to completely leave your system so that is this afternoon, still might be a bit groggy till then. Not sure about pain, it's not too bad. Glad to have it over with. Rest today.
Morning: uterine fibroids removal day! I don't feel like I'm nervous, but I do feel a bit sick to my stomach so I guess I am! I had to fast from 7am so I got up early and forced myself to have an early breakfast even though I wasn't at all hungry at that hour, because nothing else until dinner time! Then crawled back into bed for a while. Then mooched around the house for a couple of hours. I want to get this over with. Tim has the day off to drive me around and look after me. Several family members offered to cook for us tonight, which of course was lovely of them, but it was funny they seemed surprised that Tim was quite capable of cooking a meal! I've only told a couple of people, actually. I want to be made a fuss of, but without me saying "please make a fuss of me!" Tricky.
Have to be at the hospital 11:30 for op at 1:30.
Later: well I'm actually writing this the next morning as I crashed when I got home yesterday. I'm going to record everything I remember for my own interest.
We got to the hospital in good time and didn't have too much of a wait past my appointment to be called. The nurse asked a few questions about my health and did a pregnancy test. Fair enough, they don't want to go poking around in there then find a baby! Wrist bands with my name and details. Then back to the waiting room for an hour. I had brought a book but couldn't settle to read or concentrate on anything. Talked to Tim a bit, played with iPhone a bit, stared into space a bit.
At 12:30 they called me through and Tim went home. I put on the backless gown and paper undies and got into bed. Then another 45 min wait. I only had a sheet and thin blanket so I was a bit cold. An orderly finally came and wheeled me through the maze to outside the theatre where I was met by one of the anaesthetists. She carefully checked my identity and procedure I was here for with questions and checking my chart and wristbands. She put a warmed blanket on me which I was very grateful for because it was freezing there. Wheeled into a little alcove and met the head anaesthetist, Michael (the only name I remember). He was handsome and very charismatic! We joked around while he looked for a vein - hard to find as I was dehydrated, no water allowed since I got to hospital. No food for six hours, no water for two. Finally found one and got the cannula in.
My surgeon came in and introduced himself, someone who works with my gynaecologist (if I'd wanted her to do it I would have had to pay instead of all free). Don't remember his name either! He seemed nice though. Both he and Michael went through the whole indentity check again. I didn't mind, want them to be sure they are doing the right procedure! I was wheeled into the operating room. There were at least eight people in there! I wriggled across to the narrow operating table and was given another warmed blanket. I was fully shivering by now, partly cold and probably fear although consciously I just felt fascinated and a bit excited. I heard Michael say "let's get this started" and then I lost the next hour and a half....
[during that time they inserted a tube up through my cervix, threaded a camera and a scalpel through, and scraped off the fibroids]
I woke in post-op, slowly. Felt groggy and tired. Throat very sore. I hadn't quite realised why Michael has asked me to open my mouth wide a couple of times while he looked inside and told someone what size, but of course I had a tube down my throat while I was out. A nurse beside me commented that I was awake and held a glass of water with a straw for me, then left me for a while as I slowly woke.
Then I was wheeled back to my original ward where I fully woke up. I was allowed to get up about an hour after I first woke, and dressed, and was given a cup of tea and some cheese and crackers. Weak and a bit dizzy but not much pain. They called Tim to pick me up but he was already walking through the door with the kids! He'd headed back as soon as the kids got home from school. I found the hospital hadn't given me my scans back and had to sent someone scrubbed up into the sterile theatre to get them, while someone else's op was going on. Then we went home.
It was bad timing with peak hour traffic and took us a long time to get home. I'd been anticipating an evening sitting in front of the TV but the pain medication was wearing off and I started feeling worse and worse as we drove home. A bit sore in the abdomen, very sore throat, aching legs for some reason, weak and very tired. I stayed up only long enough to have some chicken soup then went to bed and slept for 13 hours! I did wake a couple of times and had to take some pain killers.
I bled quite a bit straight after the op but nothing since I got home.
This morning, I am feeling better, still sore and tired. Apparently general anaesthetic drugs take at least 24 hours to completely leave your system so that is this afternoon, still might be a bit groggy till then. Not sure about pain, it's not too bad. Glad to have it over with. Rest today.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Visiting dad and rescuing a dog
Sunday and Monday:
Our little country motel offered toast and cereal and the like for breakfast, but we decided to drive the few blocks into the centre on town for breakfast on Sunday morning. We parked and started to wander up and down streets and through the mall. Nothing was open. Siri found us one coffee shop but it wasn't the sort that sold breakfast, just coffee and a few cakes. After a cold and hungry fruitless search, we drove to the outskirts of town and went to McDonalds. I guess we're just city folk, used to everything being open all the time. Who doesn't have brunch on Sundays after a night out?
The good thing about this trip to McDonalds was that we found a beautiful park on the way. It was new since I spent my childhood summers in the area, a created lake and wetlands with a lovely walk around the outside and two children's playgrounds. So after breakfast we went for a stroll. There were lots of ducks and some pelicans in the water
and then we saw this little guy.
He was swimming around and diving, presumably for food. The tail was wrong for a platypus, we don't have otters in Australia as far as I know, and he was too big for a rat although he looked like one. In the end we decided he was a native Australian water rat of some kind.
Then we got caught up in the Million Paws Walk. This is a charity dog-walking event. There must have been 50 or more dogs of all shapes and sizes with their owners, walking along the path beside the lake. They ended up congregated at one end of the park where they held some competitions. Best trick, best costume;
After this pleasant interlude we went to the hospital to see dad again. The relief that he wasn't as bad as I'd thought had worn off a bit. He is very sick, and we still don't really have any details. We asked a nurse but she didn't know much. His blood sugar levels are still way too high and they are giving him insulin injections. (I decided against giving him chocolates!) I'm hoping if they can stabilise that then he'll feel better and can start eating more and maybe go home.
At lunchtime we went back to the lovely park. We had lunch at a café next to the lake, the food wasn't great but the view was.
We walked around (I didn't have my fitbit on because I didn't think to take my charger, but I'm sure I did 10,000 steps again) and the kids played while I sat in the lovely sunshine and Tim jogged around the lake.
Then we drove out to dad's house, some 15 or 20 mins out of town to pick up dad's partner Wendy. She doesn't drive so she's been dependant on other people taking her to the hospital and shopping. She must be very isolated and lonely out there without dad. My aunty Pat has been driving her in most days. We went and spent more time with dad. Tim took the kids outside for a while and they chased wild rabbits around the lawns outside the hospital. They both now want a pet bunny. We took Wendy to the shops to get groceries then drove her back home.
We got back into town ready for dinner. Only to find the same problem as we had in the morning. Everything closed (or non-existent) on a Sunday night. Siri directed us to places that had either shut down or were so closed and dark that we couldn't find them. We ended up going to a Thai restaurant even though that is what we'd had the night before. It was that or take-away pizza eaten on our motel beds. Luckily we all like Thai food.
Tim and I both slept very poorly our second night there. My shoulder was aching quite a lot. In the morning we blearily managed to find a café that was actually open, being Monday, then we hit the road early for the long drive home.
Seeing dad sick was sad, and the driving was tedious and hard on my shoulder, but some parts of the weekend were really nice. I hadn't seen dad for a few months so it was good to talk to him, and I saw my aunty Pat (some other family members who live down there were away, and I didn't feel up to seeking out the others) and the park was really nice. The kids would have happily spent all day there. Very glad we went, but it's nice to be home.
...
I had just finished the above at 5pm then Tim called me outside. There was a dog roaming around trailing his lead, and I am good with animals (and babies). I went out and called him and he ran over to me. I caught him easily and set to work calming him down.
He looked like maybe a Rhodesian ridgeback cross, medium size but very strong. He was obviously very scared and worried. Once I had his lead he sat and leaned against my legs. He was agitated by someone walking down the path on the other side of the road and by a lady with a pram. My hand is still hurting from holding him! He barked and even growled a bit so I tried to keep the kids at a distance for a while but he wasn't actually aggressive, just scared (which is still dangerous with dogs). After a while he seemed comfortable with them.
We stood outside for a while in case an owner turned up looking for him, and gave him a drink which he seemed very grateful for, then after a while called the appropriate authorities. They said they could either pick him up at lunchtime tomorrow (!!) or else we could take him to a vet who could check his microchip to find his owners. He didn't have a tag. I didn't want to put him in the car, not knowing how he would react, and not having any appropriate restraint, so we walked him the 2 km or so to the nearest vet.
Tim had the lead, I just wasn't strong enough. He wasn't very obedient, pulling ahead hard or else stopping to sniff and urinate. But he seemed like a nice dog. At the vet, they said he had a microchip and his name was AJ (I had guessed Max), and said he lived in Evatt which is a couple of suburbs away over several main roads in peak hour! No wonder he was scared. They couldn't get through to the owner right away but took him out the back to hold him until they could, and we walked home. I felt like we did a good deed for the day. And got our exercise too!
I was very late starting dinner, Wendy called while I was cooking with some good news. They'd managed to speak to a doctor who thinks dad is improving a bit. He ate today (food Wendy took in, not hospital food) and although the hospital doesn't expect to release him until the end of the week, still it is good news.
Our little country motel offered toast and cereal and the like for breakfast, but we decided to drive the few blocks into the centre on town for breakfast on Sunday morning. We parked and started to wander up and down streets and through the mall. Nothing was open. Siri found us one coffee shop but it wasn't the sort that sold breakfast, just coffee and a few cakes. After a cold and hungry fruitless search, we drove to the outskirts of town and went to McDonalds. I guess we're just city folk, used to everything being open all the time. Who doesn't have brunch on Sundays after a night out?
The good thing about this trip to McDonalds was that we found a beautiful park on the way. It was new since I spent my childhood summers in the area, a created lake and wetlands with a lovely walk around the outside and two children's playgrounds. So after breakfast we went for a stroll. There were lots of ducks and some pelicans in the water
and then we saw this little guy.
Then we got caught up in the Million Paws Walk. This is a charity dog-walking event. There must have been 50 or more dogs of all shapes and sizes with their owners, walking along the path beside the lake. They ended up congregated at one end of the park where they held some competitions. Best trick, best costume;
And I thought there should have been a prize for the dog and owner who looked most alike;
After this pleasant interlude we went to the hospital to see dad again. The relief that he wasn't as bad as I'd thought had worn off a bit. He is very sick, and we still don't really have any details. We asked a nurse but she didn't know much. His blood sugar levels are still way too high and they are giving him insulin injections. (I decided against giving him chocolates!) I'm hoping if they can stabilise that then he'll feel better and can start eating more and maybe go home.
At lunchtime we went back to the lovely park. We had lunch at a café next to the lake, the food wasn't great but the view was.
We walked around (I didn't have my fitbit on because I didn't think to take my charger, but I'm sure I did 10,000 steps again) and the kids played while I sat in the lovely sunshine and Tim jogged around the lake.
Then we drove out to dad's house, some 15 or 20 mins out of town to pick up dad's partner Wendy. She doesn't drive so she's been dependant on other people taking her to the hospital and shopping. She must be very isolated and lonely out there without dad. My aunty Pat has been driving her in most days. We went and spent more time with dad. Tim took the kids outside for a while and they chased wild rabbits around the lawns outside the hospital. They both now want a pet bunny. We took Wendy to the shops to get groceries then drove her back home.
We got back into town ready for dinner. Only to find the same problem as we had in the morning. Everything closed (or non-existent) on a Sunday night. Siri directed us to places that had either shut down or were so closed and dark that we couldn't find them. We ended up going to a Thai restaurant even though that is what we'd had the night before. It was that or take-away pizza eaten on our motel beds. Luckily we all like Thai food.
Tim and I both slept very poorly our second night there. My shoulder was aching quite a lot. In the morning we blearily managed to find a café that was actually open, being Monday, then we hit the road early for the long drive home.
Seeing dad sick was sad, and the driving was tedious and hard on my shoulder, but some parts of the weekend were really nice. I hadn't seen dad for a few months so it was good to talk to him, and I saw my aunty Pat (some other family members who live down there were away, and I didn't feel up to seeking out the others) and the park was really nice. The kids would have happily spent all day there. Very glad we went, but it's nice to be home.
...
I had just finished the above at 5pm then Tim called me outside. There was a dog roaming around trailing his lead, and I am good with animals (and babies). I went out and called him and he ran over to me. I caught him easily and set to work calming him down.
We stood outside for a while in case an owner turned up looking for him, and gave him a drink which he seemed very grateful for, then after a while called the appropriate authorities. They said they could either pick him up at lunchtime tomorrow (!!) or else we could take him to a vet who could check his microchip to find his owners. He didn't have a tag. I didn't want to put him in the car, not knowing how he would react, and not having any appropriate restraint, so we walked him the 2 km or so to the nearest vet.
I was very late starting dinner, Wendy called while I was cooking with some good news. They'd managed to speak to a doctor who thinks dad is improving a bit. He ate today (food Wendy took in, not hospital food) and although the hospital doesn't expect to release him until the end of the week, still it is good news.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Anniversary
Tuesday:
Today was my 13 year wedding anniversary.
We went out to lunch at a restaurant called Courgette which is French for zucchini. The butter for the tiny bread rolls was bacon flavoured. Last year I think it was anchovy flavour and I didn't like it, smoky bacon was much nicer! The cutlery there was crazy long. That is not a trick perspective photo!
I took some surreptitious pictures when I was pretty sure no one was looking. Here is my entrée, "seared scallops with smoked cauliflower puree, fennel crunch and fermented black garlic".
I didn't take a picture of my main, but it was "mushroom tortellini, charred leeks, kale chips, free range egg yolk, onion jus". It was my least favourite of the three courses, but still nice. Fairly ordinary taste but plated up well.
My dessert was "Windsor strawberries and cream, meringue, custard, mint cloud, freeze dried mandarin". Delicious.
It was a very nice lunch with my lovely husband, and I left the restaurant full but not overstuffed. I have no idea how to estimate calories though, I haven't been tracking for a few days so I think I'll start tomorrow! My goal is to lose 3.3 kilograms this month.
In the afternoon I went for a walk out in the cold and felt super sleepy afterwards. Last night I pulled off the CPAP after only four hours, for the first time in weeks, because I turned onto my back and water ran down into my nose! Only a little bit but it felt horrible when I was mostly asleep at the time. It was probably condensation because the room was cold but the air in the CPAP is warmed and humidified. After that I didn't sleep well.
...
If it seems like I tack on things like news about my dad at the end of my posts it's not because I don't find them important, it's because I often write most of my post earlier in the day but don't finish it until the evening if something else happens I want to write about. My dad's partner Wendy called tonight, he went in for more tests today, no results yet, and he was so unwell they have kept him in hospital again. Wendy says he looks like a walking skeleton. He is not a compliant patient and just wants to go home, very grumpy. I have booked a hotel for the weekend - it seemed easier for them than staying at his house, and if he is in hospital the hotel would be a lot closer - but I am getting very worried that this weekend could be too late. I am going to call the hospital in the morning and see if they have any advice, then decide.
Today was my 13 year wedding anniversary.
We went out to lunch at a restaurant called Courgette which is French for zucchini. The butter for the tiny bread rolls was bacon flavoured. Last year I think it was anchovy flavour and I didn't like it, smoky bacon was much nicer! The cutlery there was crazy long. That is not a trick perspective photo!
I took some surreptitious pictures when I was pretty sure no one was looking. Here is my entrée, "seared scallops with smoked cauliflower puree, fennel crunch and fermented black garlic".
I didn't take a picture of my main, but it was "mushroom tortellini, charred leeks, kale chips, free range egg yolk, onion jus". It was my least favourite of the three courses, but still nice. Fairly ordinary taste but plated up well.
My dessert was "Windsor strawberries and cream, meringue, custard, mint cloud, freeze dried mandarin". Delicious.
It was a very nice lunch with my lovely husband, and I left the restaurant full but not overstuffed. I have no idea how to estimate calories though, I haven't been tracking for a few days so I think I'll start tomorrow! My goal is to lose 3.3 kilograms this month.
In the afternoon I went for a walk out in the cold and felt super sleepy afterwards. Last night I pulled off the CPAP after only four hours, for the first time in weeks, because I turned onto my back and water ran down into my nose! Only a little bit but it felt horrible when I was mostly asleep at the time. It was probably condensation because the room was cold but the air in the CPAP is warmed and humidified. After that I didn't sleep well.
...
If it seems like I tack on things like news about my dad at the end of my posts it's not because I don't find them important, it's because I often write most of my post earlier in the day but don't finish it until the evening if something else happens I want to write about. My dad's partner Wendy called tonight, he went in for more tests today, no results yet, and he was so unwell they have kept him in hospital again. Wendy says he looks like a walking skeleton. He is not a compliant patient and just wants to go home, very grumpy. I have booked a hotel for the weekend - it seemed easier for them than staying at his house, and if he is in hospital the hotel would be a lot closer - but I am getting very worried that this weekend could be too late. I am going to call the hospital in the morning and see if they have any advice, then decide.
Tuesday, April 28, 2015
More worries
Tuesday:
Kids are back at school today. I scheduled a very busy day for myself but made sure I left time to go to the gym first thing.
Straight after breakfast my dad called from hospital. He'd told me a week or so ago that he'd been sick for a while, well he'd got worse until he was unable to digest anything and was hospitalised last night and they've done a lot of tests that he doesn't have the results of yet. He was hopeful that it was nothing serious and that he would be able to go home soon with medication, but I think that is just wishful thinking. Very worrying. He's had a lot of health issues for years now. He waved away the offer of a visit (it's a long way) so I'll wait and see what the test results say.
The car has been making some odd noises (last night when Tim was backing out of the driveway I actually went outside to see if a UFO was landing. Or maybe a enormous flock of pigeons) and with dad sick six hours drive away it suddenly became extremely important that we have a reliable car. So I booked that in for Friday.
All this took a while and I no longer had time to get to the gym and shower etc before my first appointment, so instead I drove to the city early and took a 20 minute walk in the park nearby. Actually 10 minutes outside then 10 back in the shopping centre - it was freezing out there! Then I rushed around and got all my stuff done and home before the kids finished school. I had lunch at my favourite Chinese restaurant, a chicken and vegetable stir fry. Very hard to track calories because I have no idea how much what I had weighed, or what was in the delicate sauce. But going by hunger levels, I didn't eat too much; I felt comfortable afterwards and not overstuffed at all. No rice or noodles.
One of the things I did was go to the Apple store for my appointment with one of the geniuses. He couldn't work out why my phone wasn't connecting to my computer as it worked fine with his, but when I got home it worked for the first time in weeks! So his poking around had some effect, my guess is some dust fell out when he took it apart even though he said it was clean. I'm just happy I can download photos again.
Here is a recent one of me:
This one is funny, we got to my brother-in-law's house on Saturday and look at what they are wearing! The hoodies are not even the same brand, but they look identical. That is Nick on the left
and my husband Tim on the right.
Kids are back at school today. I scheduled a very busy day for myself but made sure I left time to go to the gym first thing.
Straight after breakfast my dad called from hospital. He'd told me a week or so ago that he'd been sick for a while, well he'd got worse until he was unable to digest anything and was hospitalised last night and they've done a lot of tests that he doesn't have the results of yet. He was hopeful that it was nothing serious and that he would be able to go home soon with medication, but I think that is just wishful thinking. Very worrying. He's had a lot of health issues for years now. He waved away the offer of a visit (it's a long way) so I'll wait and see what the test results say.
The car has been making some odd noises (last night when Tim was backing out of the driveway I actually went outside to see if a UFO was landing. Or maybe a enormous flock of pigeons) and with dad sick six hours drive away it suddenly became extremely important that we have a reliable car. So I booked that in for Friday.
All this took a while and I no longer had time to get to the gym and shower etc before my first appointment, so instead I drove to the city early and took a 20 minute walk in the park nearby. Actually 10 minutes outside then 10 back in the shopping centre - it was freezing out there! Then I rushed around and got all my stuff done and home before the kids finished school. I had lunch at my favourite Chinese restaurant, a chicken and vegetable stir fry. Very hard to track calories because I have no idea how much what I had weighed, or what was in the delicate sauce. But going by hunger levels, I didn't eat too much; I felt comfortable afterwards and not overstuffed at all. No rice or noodles.
One of the things I did was go to the Apple store for my appointment with one of the geniuses. He couldn't work out why my phone wasn't connecting to my computer as it worked fine with his, but when I got home it worked for the first time in weeks! So his poking around had some effect, my guess is some dust fell out when he took it apart even though he said it was clean. I'm just happy I can download photos again.
Here is a recent one of me:
This one is funny, we got to my brother-in-law's house on Saturday and look at what they are wearing! The hoodies are not even the same brand, but they look identical. That is Nick on the left
and my husband Tim on the right.
I've got to make sure I get to bed earlier tonight. The quality of my sleep is much better, most nights, but I wake at dawn for some reason and my bedtime has drifted a bit later than it should. I suddenly hit a wall of exhaustion at night and then struggle to make the effort to get to bed. Hopefully if I get to bed a little earlier I can make it to 8 hours of sleep. Wouldn't that be lovely!
Yesterday I was over 8,500 steps at dinner so I thought I could make it to 10,000 even though I am pretty sedentary in the evening. But I hit that wall of tiredness and decided just to go to bed without checking the fitbit for an update. I was heading up the hallway when I got the buzz alert from my wrist - 10,000 steps! Go me.
Right now I am 9,500 steps so I will definitely get to 10 before bed. I'll do some pacing in the commercial breaks.
This afternoon I started getting strong cravings for unhealthy carby food. Keeping in mind my meltdown on Friday night, it seems I might struggle a bit with the second day in a row of low carb. I added a little bit of carbohydrate to my afternoon snack. It really helped and I got through the rest of the day fine. I'm still experimenting with what works best for me.
Report card:
Diet: Good. Not entirely sure about the Chinese food - could have had more salt and sugar than I think although it tasted pretty clean - otherwise great.
Exercise: Good. Got the steps in even though I couldn't get to the gym.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Worried about my dad.
Sunday, January 4, 2015
Home again
Monday:
I had originally planned to stay in Sydney several more days to spend more time with mum, but I just could not spend any more time in that horrible house. In future visits I will have to make other arrangements - stay with family living further away, or at a hotel.
I spent Sunday with mum at the hospital. It was like at Christmas, when she was reasonably alert on the first day but barely knew I was there by the fourth. On Sunday she slept nearly all day, only speaking to me a couple of times in the afternoon. She looked much older and sicker. I guess she has good days and bad days, or maybe she makes a big effort to stay awake when she hasn't seen me for a few days, but can't keep it up.
After that fall a few days ago they kept the safety rails up on her bed. But on Saturday night she rolled over and somehow got herself wedged between the bed and the rails. Her leg was quite badly bruised. So now they have her bed lowered right down to the floor, no safety rails, and a mattress each side of the bed in case she rolls off. They have also changed from giving her medication every few hours to a constant drip. Morphine, I don't know what else. The changes are not encouraging.
When I came back from having lunch (stinking hot humid day, I tried to sit in the shade in a park but fled back to air con pretty quickly) she woke up and asked me if I was leaving, which I found a bit confusing. But I think the morphine messes with her sense of time. My Aunty Bev, mum's sister, came in the afternoon. She finds it really hard to see her big sister like that. We had a good chat though. One funny thing, as the self will intrude, was that I was sitting in the huge chair they have for patients if they are well enough to sit up. It was a very deep chair so my short legs were sticking straight out. I felt like a plump six year old. I kind of always feel that way with my aunt anyway.
There are pictures for sale on display in the halls of the hospital, and some of them are quite lovely. I've been thinking of buying one of the several that we all liked, they are only about $200-$250 each.
Sorry if showing you breaches any copyright laws:
I guess if I did buy it, every time I looked at it I would think of mum. Don't know if that is good or bad. Nice, but sad.
Since I couldn't face another night at the house of horrors, when I left the hospital I drove to my brother-in-law's house an hour away, where Tim and the kids were staying. They'd decided to have a family BBQ so the house was full of people, or it seemed like it anyway. Loud and friendly. It was a nice, distracting change; but also quite overwhelming to someone in my emotional state. I joined a board game and had dinner but then retreated to have a quiet lie down, and never really got up again. I was completely exhausted after two nights with very little sleep plus all the emotional stress. I dragged myself up to say goodnight and have a very quick shower, then was in bed at 8:30, before my children!
This morning we drove home. So nice to be home. But also guilty that I am not with my mum. I am trying not to stress about that too much. I'll visit her when I can but worrying doesn't help anyone.
I had thought about putting off dieting until things settled down a bit. But when will that be? There is never a perfect time. So I am starting a new dietbet tomorrow. Maybe that will help keep me anchored. And I'm going to work on the relaxation too - I've downloaded a meditation app that I read about. I'll give it a go.
I had originally planned to stay in Sydney several more days to spend more time with mum, but I just could not spend any more time in that horrible house. In future visits I will have to make other arrangements - stay with family living further away, or at a hotel.
I spent Sunday with mum at the hospital. It was like at Christmas, when she was reasonably alert on the first day but barely knew I was there by the fourth. On Sunday she slept nearly all day, only speaking to me a couple of times in the afternoon. She looked much older and sicker. I guess she has good days and bad days, or maybe she makes a big effort to stay awake when she hasn't seen me for a few days, but can't keep it up.
After that fall a few days ago they kept the safety rails up on her bed. But on Saturday night she rolled over and somehow got herself wedged between the bed and the rails. Her leg was quite badly bruised. So now they have her bed lowered right down to the floor, no safety rails, and a mattress each side of the bed in case she rolls off. They have also changed from giving her medication every few hours to a constant drip. Morphine, I don't know what else. The changes are not encouraging.
When I came back from having lunch (stinking hot humid day, I tried to sit in the shade in a park but fled back to air con pretty quickly) she woke up and asked me if I was leaving, which I found a bit confusing. But I think the morphine messes with her sense of time. My Aunty Bev, mum's sister, came in the afternoon. She finds it really hard to see her big sister like that. We had a good chat though. One funny thing, as the self will intrude, was that I was sitting in the huge chair they have for patients if they are well enough to sit up. It was a very deep chair so my short legs were sticking straight out. I felt like a plump six year old. I kind of always feel that way with my aunt anyway.
There are pictures for sale on display in the halls of the hospital, and some of them are quite lovely. I've been thinking of buying one of the several that we all liked, they are only about $200-$250 each.
Sorry if showing you breaches any copyright laws:
I guess if I did buy it, every time I looked at it I would think of mum. Don't know if that is good or bad. Nice, but sad.
Since I couldn't face another night at the house of horrors, when I left the hospital I drove to my brother-in-law's house an hour away, where Tim and the kids were staying. They'd decided to have a family BBQ so the house was full of people, or it seemed like it anyway. Loud and friendly. It was a nice, distracting change; but also quite overwhelming to someone in my emotional state. I joined a board game and had dinner but then retreated to have a quiet lie down, and never really got up again. I was completely exhausted after two nights with very little sleep plus all the emotional stress. I dragged myself up to say goodnight and have a very quick shower, then was in bed at 8:30, before my children!
This morning we drove home. So nice to be home. But also guilty that I am not with my mum. I am trying not to stress about that too much. I'll visit her when I can but worrying doesn't help anyone.
I had thought about putting off dieting until things settled down a bit. But when will that be? There is never a perfect time. So I am starting a new dietbet tomorrow. Maybe that will help keep me anchored. And I'm going to work on the relaxation too - I've downloaded a meditation app that I read about. I'll give it a go.
Monday, December 29, 2014
No control
Tuesday:
I'm a planner. A planner and a worrier. Christmas was a stressful time, going back and forth between hospital and various family events. I was only able to cope because Tim and I sat down and made a plan about where we would be each day. We have a beach holiday coming up, fully paid in advance and non-refundable, and at the moment we are still planning to go but not sure if we will be able to, depending on mum's condition. I took some comfort that at least I had this period in between the two when I had some control, Tim was home to look after the kids so I could just hire a car and go and spend as much time with mum as I needed to, making my own plans about when to go and where to stay.
Now even that has been taken away. Firstly, Tim decided that he wanted to come to Sydney too with the kids, a couple of days earlier than I had planned, so we could spend New Year's Eve with his brother and no doubt other members of his family. I have never felt less like socialising. And it would also leave us travelling on a couple of the busiest days of the year, and me looking for food when everything was closed. And then I tried to book a hire car and that part fell apart too. They were all about three times the price I expected, around $100 per day, and no-one had a depot anywhere near Tim's brother's house, and they were either closed on New Year's Day or on Sundays or wouldn't let me pick up in Sydney and drop off in Canberra even though they had depots in both places and Canberra is in a tiny state completely surrounded by New South Wales so we practically count as being part of it.
What had been a simple plan to visit my mother now seemed like a nightmare. On top of dealing with my mother's illness and staying at my mother's house (I considered a hotel, but again that was very expensive and also further away from the hospital), I have to work out what to do about all the rest. Tim has suggested I keep the car and he and the kids catch the bus back to Canberra - there is a very good service but it goes from the centre of the city so it will be quite a big hassle for them getting in from the suburbs. Either I spend New Year's Eve trying to smile and be social or I drop Tim and the kids there and spend NYE without them at my mother's house, either way with them catching the bus home and me eating McDonalds for every meal with everything else closed because there is no way I am going in that revolting kitchen, or else I stay here in Canberra alone and wait until they bring the car back so I can go on the day I originally planned. And they will be left here without a car for however long I am away, which will be difficult for them.
I hate this so much. Tim isn't being unreasonable about wanting to have some fun on NYE, but between that and the hire car companies I feel like all my control over the situation has been taken away. What I had was an illusion anyway, I have no control over my mother's illness, but I was clinging to that illusion to keep me sane. I went to bed and cried for two hours last night, slept for maybe four hours, and then got up at dawn to write this because I was lying there with my stomach churning with stress. Remembering the good old days as a teenager when I used to cut myself because physical pain is so much easier to deal with than emotional pain. I can't take refuge in that any more. I have to just deal with it.
Edit: of course as soon as I told Tim how he was feeling he said we would make other arrangements that worked better for me.
I'm a planner. A planner and a worrier. Christmas was a stressful time, going back and forth between hospital and various family events. I was only able to cope because Tim and I sat down and made a plan about where we would be each day. We have a beach holiday coming up, fully paid in advance and non-refundable, and at the moment we are still planning to go but not sure if we will be able to, depending on mum's condition. I took some comfort that at least I had this period in between the two when I had some control, Tim was home to look after the kids so I could just hire a car and go and spend as much time with mum as I needed to, making my own plans about when to go and where to stay.
Now even that has been taken away. Firstly, Tim decided that he wanted to come to Sydney too with the kids, a couple of days earlier than I had planned, so we could spend New Year's Eve with his brother and no doubt other members of his family. I have never felt less like socialising. And it would also leave us travelling on a couple of the busiest days of the year, and me looking for food when everything was closed. And then I tried to book a hire car and that part fell apart too. They were all about three times the price I expected, around $100 per day, and no-one had a depot anywhere near Tim's brother's house, and they were either closed on New Year's Day or on Sundays or wouldn't let me pick up in Sydney and drop off in Canberra even though they had depots in both places and Canberra is in a tiny state completely surrounded by New South Wales so we practically count as being part of it.
What had been a simple plan to visit my mother now seemed like a nightmare. On top of dealing with my mother's illness and staying at my mother's house (I considered a hotel, but again that was very expensive and also further away from the hospital), I have to work out what to do about all the rest. Tim has suggested I keep the car and he and the kids catch the bus back to Canberra - there is a very good service but it goes from the centre of the city so it will be quite a big hassle for them getting in from the suburbs. Either I spend New Year's Eve trying to smile and be social or I drop Tim and the kids there and spend NYE without them at my mother's house, either way with them catching the bus home and me eating McDonalds for every meal with everything else closed because there is no way I am going in that revolting kitchen, or else I stay here in Canberra alone and wait until they bring the car back so I can go on the day I originally planned. And they will be left here without a car for however long I am away, which will be difficult for them.
I hate this so much. Tim isn't being unreasonable about wanting to have some fun on NYE, but between that and the hire car companies I feel like all my control over the situation has been taken away. What I had was an illusion anyway, I have no control over my mother's illness, but I was clinging to that illusion to keep me sane. I went to bed and cried for two hours last night, slept for maybe four hours, and then got up at dawn to write this because I was lying there with my stomach churning with stress. Remembering the good old days as a teenager when I used to cut myself because physical pain is so much easier to deal with than emotional pain. I can't take refuge in that any more. I have to just deal with it.
Edit: of course as soon as I told Tim how he was feeling he said we would make other arrangements that worked better for me.
Saturday, December 27, 2014
Christmas contrasts
Saturday:
I'm back in Canberra for a few days before I return to Sydney (alone) to spend more time with mum.
So I found out Monday afternoon that mum had been in hospital since Friday, and my brother hadn't told me. I debated whether I should drop everything and go, but my brother said she was in no immediate danger and we decided to spend the afternoon scrambling to get ready for Christmas and leave in the morning. I didn't get a lot of sleep after that decision! How much could I trust my brother's assessment? I did try ringing mum's mobile, but apparently she put it on a lunch tray and it got taken away and never returned - probably in the trash somewhere - of course I didn't find that out until later so I kept trying; and I called the hospital but at the time she was off having an MRI. So I spoke to a nurse but not to her.
Anyway, Tuesday morning we each opened one present because they weren't all going to fit in the car - we each opened the biggest one! Then the car was carefully loaded, including bags under feet and on laps. Not the most comfortable for a four hour drive. But we are big on presents in our family, especially on my husband's side. We got to Sydney and picked up mum's house key from my brother then went to the hospital.
I saw her only two weeks before and at that time she was obviously tired and unwell, but still very much herself. On Tuesday she was much worse. She didn't recognise me for a minute when I walked in, she thought I was someone else's visitor looking for a chair. Scary. She only realised it was me when Tim and the kids followed me around the curtain. She was better the rest of the visit, alert enough most of the time to go through some mail with me - we opened Christmas cards and arranged for me to pay a bill for her - but she needed to close her eyes and rest often. She needed assistance to get from bed to chair briefly so they could change her sheets. My brother said she had barely eaten in the weeks before she went into hospital, and she still wasn't. She'd had a drip for a few days but it was making her fluid retention worse and they had taken it out.
She made it clear to the doctors that she no longer wanted the cancer treatment which was making her feel so sick and not doing much good, she just wants palliative care to make her last days easier. All she wants is a private room instead of being in with three others, she is waiting for one to become available. With no hope of improvement, she doesn't see the point of hanging on. I accept this, as it is how I would feel in that situation. It is interesting that my husband's family feels the opposite, they think she needs treatment for depression so she'll have the will to live longer. Yet Tim's mother died very slowly after decades of gradual decline (MS), with a loss of all physical and mental function, and I think that would be much worse than dying relatively quickly.
We left at dinner time and weren't sure if my brother had planned for us to have dinner with him and I couldn't get through on the phone so we went to a restaurant. Then when we got back to the house he had just got back from visiting mum and was starting to prepare food for us. We pretended to eat a little bit (very late for the kids!). We were a bit dubious about eating anything he had arranged. He has OCD and hoards food. Decaying, rotting food. The house stinks and now mum isn't there (he lives with mum) it's only going to get worse. We stayed there the night, in the smell and the dust. Tim's asthma got quite bad overnight.
The next day we visited mum again then went to the other side of Sydney to our hotel. My family and my husband's live about as far apart as possible in the same city. The kids swam in the pool, we set up out little travel Christmas tree, and had dinner with my husband's family.
Christmas morning was hard. The contrast between getting all the material things I wanted, and my mother terminally ill in hospital, was very strange and upsetting.
We had lunch with my husband's extended family. I enjoyed the socialising part but not the food. They just don't have the same taste in food as I do. Tim's mother was English and their food traditions reflect that. They can have eight desserts on the table with not one I like! Good for me, I suppose. Not that I went hungry. I filled up on chips and chocolates.
Long drive through Christmas Day traffic and a sudden thunderstorm, back to the hospital to see mum. She had deteriorated even more over the couple of days since our first visit. She spent most of the time lying with her eyes closed. She was too weak to open her presents - which were totally inappropriate anyway since I had bought them when she was still relatively well. I can't see her reading the books now, and she barely glanced at the digital photo frame that we set up with lots of family pictures.
My brother said he hadn't had time to buy presents - and for once I didn't blame him, he's been doing pretty well looking after mum - and he'd grabbed a few things he already had. He gave us chocolates, which would be ok, but I checked the use-by dates later and threw them all out. Expired in 2009. Not sure how rancid chocolates get in five years, but I didn't want to take the risk.
We went to my grandfather's house for dinner with my side of the family. We got there so late they had given up on us but there was enough food left, if a bit cold, and we got to have dessert with them (desserts I like!) and a chat. Only an hour or so then the cousins with small children were leaving so we did too. We had a different hotel, near Poppa's (grandad). One of the hardest things of the day was everyone talking about mum. Not that I minded talking about her, but it seemed I had to say the same things over and over to each person or group of people as someone else asked how she was. It boiled down to: she's dying. But you can't say it quite like that.
We saw mum again the next morning, she barely knew I was there. The kids have been so angelic all through this. They would visit with grandma a bit then Tim would take them off for a walk around the hospital or to sit somewhere and play with their Nintendo DSs. They never complained or showed distaste for how she looked or got impatient. And Tim drove me back and forth through stressful city traffic every day. I have such a lovely family.
It's Tim's father's birthday on Boxing Day so we always get together for lunch again, it was an even bigger group than Christmas when people have other commitments. A few more presents from people we hadn't seen yet. I don't want to sound mercenary, but it actually healed a bit of hurt I was carrying from last year when I felt a bit forgotten by some of Tim's family. This year I felt showered in presents, and therefore love. It's not about what I got, it's about people showing they care about you. I usually feel very much a part of his family, I fit in better with them than I do with my own family although they are lovely people too, so it was nice to feel included again in the present orgy.
Then we saw The Hobbit, in two shifts so there were babysitters for all the children. This is a big family tradition too, major fantasy movies seem to get released on Boxing Day here and we are all fantasy geeks so we saw all the Lord of the Rings movies together and now the three Hobbit movies. Next year it will be the new Star Wars.
Stayed at my brother-in-law's house then drove home today. So nice to be home, and I am looking forward to my own bed so much. Stress and worry have kept me awake a lot, last night even though that spare bed is horribly uncomfortable I just crashed and actually had a good sleep. But I need lots more. I actually feel a bit less stressed now. I have spent some time with mum, so I no longer have the panic of "what if she dies before I get there?" Of course I am sad and worried, but less frantic.
My plan it to have a few days at home then go back to Sydney by myself to spend more time with mum. I'll be staying at her house which will be horrible, but I'll do my best to clean and I'll just stay out of the stinking kitchen - I'll probably have to eat out every meal. I can't imagine cooking there with all of my brother's stuff everywhere. But the good thing is that the house is only 5 mins from the hospital. Tim has time off work so he can look after the kids at home and I'll only have to worry about mum. I really don't know how long I'll be there or what is going to happen.
I'll try to keep myself healthy but weight loss really isn't my focus at the moment.
I'm back in Canberra for a few days before I return to Sydney (alone) to spend more time with mum.
So I found out Monday afternoon that mum had been in hospital since Friday, and my brother hadn't told me. I debated whether I should drop everything and go, but my brother said she was in no immediate danger and we decided to spend the afternoon scrambling to get ready for Christmas and leave in the morning. I didn't get a lot of sleep after that decision! How much could I trust my brother's assessment? I did try ringing mum's mobile, but apparently she put it on a lunch tray and it got taken away and never returned - probably in the trash somewhere - of course I didn't find that out until later so I kept trying; and I called the hospital but at the time she was off having an MRI. So I spoke to a nurse but not to her.
Anyway, Tuesday morning we each opened one present because they weren't all going to fit in the car - we each opened the biggest one! Then the car was carefully loaded, including bags under feet and on laps. Not the most comfortable for a four hour drive. But we are big on presents in our family, especially on my husband's side. We got to Sydney and picked up mum's house key from my brother then went to the hospital.
I saw her only two weeks before and at that time she was obviously tired and unwell, but still very much herself. On Tuesday she was much worse. She didn't recognise me for a minute when I walked in, she thought I was someone else's visitor looking for a chair. Scary. She only realised it was me when Tim and the kids followed me around the curtain. She was better the rest of the visit, alert enough most of the time to go through some mail with me - we opened Christmas cards and arranged for me to pay a bill for her - but she needed to close her eyes and rest often. She needed assistance to get from bed to chair briefly so they could change her sheets. My brother said she had barely eaten in the weeks before she went into hospital, and she still wasn't. She'd had a drip for a few days but it was making her fluid retention worse and they had taken it out.
She made it clear to the doctors that she no longer wanted the cancer treatment which was making her feel so sick and not doing much good, she just wants palliative care to make her last days easier. All she wants is a private room instead of being in with three others, she is waiting for one to become available. With no hope of improvement, she doesn't see the point of hanging on. I accept this, as it is how I would feel in that situation. It is interesting that my husband's family feels the opposite, they think she needs treatment for depression so she'll have the will to live longer. Yet Tim's mother died very slowly after decades of gradual decline (MS), with a loss of all physical and mental function, and I think that would be much worse than dying relatively quickly.
We left at dinner time and weren't sure if my brother had planned for us to have dinner with him and I couldn't get through on the phone so we went to a restaurant. Then when we got back to the house he had just got back from visiting mum and was starting to prepare food for us. We pretended to eat a little bit (very late for the kids!). We were a bit dubious about eating anything he had arranged. He has OCD and hoards food. Decaying, rotting food. The house stinks and now mum isn't there (he lives with mum) it's only going to get worse. We stayed there the night, in the smell and the dust. Tim's asthma got quite bad overnight.
The next day we visited mum again then went to the other side of Sydney to our hotel. My family and my husband's live about as far apart as possible in the same city. The kids swam in the pool, we set up out little travel Christmas tree, and had dinner with my husband's family.
On Christmas morning we opened all our presents. My main present was an iPad air, my first tablet. Also many other things, like this cute teacup and a retro kettle and toaster. The teacup is sitting on a colouring book I bought myself after I bought my daughter one and then remembered how much I enjoyed it as a child and even a teenager.
We had lunch with my husband's extended family. I enjoyed the socialising part but not the food. They just don't have the same taste in food as I do. Tim's mother was English and their food traditions reflect that. They can have eight desserts on the table with not one I like! Good for me, I suppose. Not that I went hungry. I filled up on chips and chocolates.
Long drive through Christmas Day traffic and a sudden thunderstorm, back to the hospital to see mum. She had deteriorated even more over the couple of days since our first visit. She spent most of the time lying with her eyes closed. She was too weak to open her presents - which were totally inappropriate anyway since I had bought them when she was still relatively well. I can't see her reading the books now, and she barely glanced at the digital photo frame that we set up with lots of family pictures.
My brother said he hadn't had time to buy presents - and for once I didn't blame him, he's been doing pretty well looking after mum - and he'd grabbed a few things he already had. He gave us chocolates, which would be ok, but I checked the use-by dates later and threw them all out. Expired in 2009. Not sure how rancid chocolates get in five years, but I didn't want to take the risk.
We went to my grandfather's house for dinner with my side of the family. We got there so late they had given up on us but there was enough food left, if a bit cold, and we got to have dessert with them (desserts I like!) and a chat. Only an hour or so then the cousins with small children were leaving so we did too. We had a different hotel, near Poppa's (grandad). One of the hardest things of the day was everyone talking about mum. Not that I minded talking about her, but it seemed I had to say the same things over and over to each person or group of people as someone else asked how she was. It boiled down to: she's dying. But you can't say it quite like that.
We saw mum again the next morning, she barely knew I was there. The kids have been so angelic all through this. They would visit with grandma a bit then Tim would take them off for a walk around the hospital or to sit somewhere and play with their Nintendo DSs. They never complained or showed distaste for how she looked or got impatient. And Tim drove me back and forth through stressful city traffic every day. I have such a lovely family.
It's Tim's father's birthday on Boxing Day so we always get together for lunch again, it was an even bigger group than Christmas when people have other commitments. A few more presents from people we hadn't seen yet. I don't want to sound mercenary, but it actually healed a bit of hurt I was carrying from last year when I felt a bit forgotten by some of Tim's family. This year I felt showered in presents, and therefore love. It's not about what I got, it's about people showing they care about you. I usually feel very much a part of his family, I fit in better with them than I do with my own family although they are lovely people too, so it was nice to feel included again in the present orgy.
Then we saw The Hobbit, in two shifts so there were babysitters for all the children. This is a big family tradition too, major fantasy movies seem to get released on Boxing Day here and we are all fantasy geeks so we saw all the Lord of the Rings movies together and now the three Hobbit movies. Next year it will be the new Star Wars.
Stayed at my brother-in-law's house then drove home today. So nice to be home, and I am looking forward to my own bed so much. Stress and worry have kept me awake a lot, last night even though that spare bed is horribly uncomfortable I just crashed and actually had a good sleep. But I need lots more. I actually feel a bit less stressed now. I have spent some time with mum, so I no longer have the panic of "what if she dies before I get there?" Of course I am sad and worried, but less frantic.
My plan it to have a few days at home then go back to Sydney by myself to spend more time with mum. I'll be staying at her house which will be horrible, but I'll do my best to clean and I'll just stay out of the stinking kitchen - I'll probably have to eat out every meal. I can't imagine cooking there with all of my brother's stuff everywhere. But the good thing is that the house is only 5 mins from the hospital. Tim has time off work so he can look after the kids at home and I'll only have to worry about mum. I really don't know how long I'll be there or what is going to happen.
I'll try to keep myself healthy but weight loss really isn't my focus at the moment.
Sunday, December 21, 2014
Hospital
Monday:
I spoke to my brother yesterday morning, after mum hadn't answered her phone. He mentioned that she'd been feeling worse and her medication was being changed. What he didn't mention was that she had been admitted to hospital on FRIDAY NIGHT. I am so stressed and angry and agitated. How could he not tell me that? Apparently he thought she would call me, from hospital, on her mobile. But she's sick, and couldn't find her phone, and never did. He called me this morning, I think after talking to mum and finding out she hadn't spoken to me.
Of course we are getting ourselves organised to go to Sydney. I just had to sit down for a minute to write out my frustration and worry. It generally helps me. Not feeling much better right now though.
I spoke to my brother yesterday morning, after mum hadn't answered her phone. He mentioned that she'd been feeling worse and her medication was being changed. What he didn't mention was that she had been admitted to hospital on FRIDAY NIGHT. I am so stressed and angry and agitated. How could he not tell me that? Apparently he thought she would call me, from hospital, on her mobile. But she's sick, and couldn't find her phone, and never did. He called me this morning, I think after talking to mum and finding out she hadn't spoken to me.
Of course we are getting ourselves organised to go to Sydney. I just had to sit down for a minute to write out my frustration and worry. It generally helps me. Not feeling much better right now though.
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