Tuesday:
I've been consulting with my aunt about my father's gravestone, she lives there (12 hours drive away for me) so can compare gravestones in person. I think everything is decided now so I've emailed the details of the inscription to the company. It's been a bit sad, but also very funny fielding suggestions from Aunty Pat. Twice she suggested that I have my mother's name put on it; "beloved husband of Barbara"! My parents had been divorced for 40 years before they died within months of each other, mum knew as she was walking down the aisle on her wedding day that it was a mistake, and dad remarried and was with his second wife longer than mum (divorced again) and was with a new girlfriend when he died. Mum would have hated being on his gravestone! I vetoed that one politely.
I accepted all her other suggestions except the last one, to put RIP at the end. I felt that a Christian phrase was very inappropriate for such a staunch atheist as my father. My aunt is lovely but I guess she just had certain ideas about the way things should be done. And I did ask for her input! I went with most of her ideas but I'm paying for everything so I have final say when I think it's important.
I was thinking of mum today, too, as I watered the garden. She would have loved the pool and new garden, and having us live close. I miss my parents.
Showing posts with label dad. Show all posts
Showing posts with label dad. Show all posts
Tuesday, September 19, 2017
Monday, July 13, 2015
Lollipop Playland and dad
Monday:
Today I took the kids to Lollipop Playland, the indoor playground next to the airport. It has a teacup ride:
And a big slide:
And climbing thingies:
And a couple of ball pits (this one is actually in the toddler area, there is also a bigger one):
Apart from one early incident where another boy was too rough with Aiden, they played happily together for more than two hours. I read and played with my iPhone and watched the planes take off and land outside the window. The play equipment looked really fun and I was kind of wishing I could join in, which would also be great exercise. Then as we were leaving I saw the big board of rules at the entrance and it mentioned that adults are welcome on the equipment! Maybe next time.
We had lunch at the foodcourt there before we went in. Aiden had Subway, Jasmine and I had roast chicken and hot chips (I only had about eight chips). I was still pretty hungry so I went into the supermarket and bought a banana! I was pretty proud of myself. We also got fruit as snacks for the kids to have when they needed a break from having fun, and I brought along a big bottle of water from home. When we came out of Lollipop Playland, the kids with the lollipop they give at the exit, I was really craving something... anything bad! I wavered quite a bit but then decided I would have something semi-bad at home instead of giving in and having something really bad at the shops. When we got home I had some Cruskits with vegemite and cheese. Not exactly healthy, but at least it wasn't all bad and had some protein from the cheese. And it satisfied my craving for crunch and salt.
Shortly after we got home, dad's girlfriend Wendy called. She is a very nice lady, but I find her very difficult to talk to. She talks round and round the subject and repeats herself (so many times!) and can't answer a straight question. It can be hard not to get impatient when I really want some information from her (of course I try very hard to be nice! and I think I always succeed). Today she called to say she had finally received dad's Death Certificate with his cause of death (determined by the coroner). She is sending it to my Uncle Greg, who is the executor of dad's Will, so I think I'll have to wait until then to get the full story, but what I did learn was that there was both heart disease and throat cancer. He'd had heart problems for years, and a double bypass long ago, but cancer had never been diagnosed. He did have a bad cough for a couple of months before he died, but that was put down to a chest infection. He wasn't a smoker, but I suppose you can get cancer anywhere. So that is both my parents dying of cancer.
The last couple of months, as you may have read here, money has been sprinting out of our bank account for various home repairs and minor improvements. And now I think we need a new fridge and a new car! The first two times the fridge shelves broke I was able to buy replacements. The third time, they said the model was too old and they didn't make parts any more. So we've had only two shelves in an already small fridge for a long time now. We didn't want to replace the fridge because we've been thinking about moving house for several years, and were hoping for a bigger kitchen with space for a bigger fridge. But now our fridge has turned into a giant freezer, presumably something wrong with the thermostat. Things that shouldn't be frozen are getting ruined. It's time to replace it, even if we are maybe moving soon. Who knows, we've been saying that for about five years now! Can't put essential things off forever.
The car is 13 years old and starting to feel her age. Needing repairs more often, being less reliable. It's a much bigger expense than a fridge, but at least it's not something that matters whether we move soon or not! We don't buy new, at least in the past we've always gone for a car a couple of years old. It's just a hassle researching and test driving. We've been very happy with this car.
What I really want is a new house!
Report card:
Diet: Good. Resisted lots of bad stuff while we were out.
Breakfast: Two poached eggs. Orange. Tea.
Lunch: Small quarter chicken in lemon sauce. Eight hot chips. Banana. Tea.
Afternoon: Cruskits with vegemite and cheese. Tea.
Dinner: Two trimmed lamb loin chops. Broccoli in cheese sauce. Salad. Hot chocolate.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good. Kept the CPAP on until 6am then went back to sleep for another hour and a half. Best sleep for weeks.
Mental health: A bit down about dad, but otherwise ok.
Today I took the kids to Lollipop Playland, the indoor playground next to the airport. It has a teacup ride:
And a big slide:
And climbing thingies:
And a couple of ball pits (this one is actually in the toddler area, there is also a bigger one):
Apart from one early incident where another boy was too rough with Aiden, they played happily together for more than two hours. I read and played with my iPhone and watched the planes take off and land outside the window. The play equipment looked really fun and I was kind of wishing I could join in, which would also be great exercise. Then as we were leaving I saw the big board of rules at the entrance and it mentioned that adults are welcome on the equipment! Maybe next time.
We had lunch at the foodcourt there before we went in. Aiden had Subway, Jasmine and I had roast chicken and hot chips (I only had about eight chips). I was still pretty hungry so I went into the supermarket and bought a banana! I was pretty proud of myself. We also got fruit as snacks for the kids to have when they needed a break from having fun, and I brought along a big bottle of water from home. When we came out of Lollipop Playland, the kids with the lollipop they give at the exit, I was really craving something... anything bad! I wavered quite a bit but then decided I would have something semi-bad at home instead of giving in and having something really bad at the shops. When we got home I had some Cruskits with vegemite and cheese. Not exactly healthy, but at least it wasn't all bad and had some protein from the cheese. And it satisfied my craving for crunch and salt.
Shortly after we got home, dad's girlfriend Wendy called. She is a very nice lady, but I find her very difficult to talk to. She talks round and round the subject and repeats herself (so many times!) and can't answer a straight question. It can be hard not to get impatient when I really want some information from her (of course I try very hard to be nice! and I think I always succeed). Today she called to say she had finally received dad's Death Certificate with his cause of death (determined by the coroner). She is sending it to my Uncle Greg, who is the executor of dad's Will, so I think I'll have to wait until then to get the full story, but what I did learn was that there was both heart disease and throat cancer. He'd had heart problems for years, and a double bypass long ago, but cancer had never been diagnosed. He did have a bad cough for a couple of months before he died, but that was put down to a chest infection. He wasn't a smoker, but I suppose you can get cancer anywhere. So that is both my parents dying of cancer.
The last couple of months, as you may have read here, money has been sprinting out of our bank account for various home repairs and minor improvements. And now I think we need a new fridge and a new car! The first two times the fridge shelves broke I was able to buy replacements. The third time, they said the model was too old and they didn't make parts any more. So we've had only two shelves in an already small fridge for a long time now. We didn't want to replace the fridge because we've been thinking about moving house for several years, and were hoping for a bigger kitchen with space for a bigger fridge. But now our fridge has turned into a giant freezer, presumably something wrong with the thermostat. Things that shouldn't be frozen are getting ruined. It's time to replace it, even if we are maybe moving soon. Who knows, we've been saying that for about five years now! Can't put essential things off forever.
The car is 13 years old and starting to feel her age. Needing repairs more often, being less reliable. It's a much bigger expense than a fridge, but at least it's not something that matters whether we move soon or not! We don't buy new, at least in the past we've always gone for a car a couple of years old. It's just a hassle researching and test driving. We've been very happy with this car.
What I really want is a new house!
Report card:
Diet: Good. Resisted lots of bad stuff while we were out.
Breakfast: Two poached eggs. Orange. Tea.
Lunch: Small quarter chicken in lemon sauce. Eight hot chips. Banana. Tea.
Afternoon: Cruskits with vegemite and cheese. Tea.
Dinner: Two trimmed lamb loin chops. Broccoli in cheese sauce. Salad. Hot chocolate.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good. Kept the CPAP on until 6am then went back to sleep for another hour and a half. Best sleep for weeks.
Mental health: A bit down about dad, but otherwise ok.
Friday, June 5, 2015
Eulogy for dad
Eulogy for Lyle (with photos taken after the funeral)
I have a letter from dad, written back in 2003, that says: "Often I look around my trees and the sunset and say to myself 'how could I ever leave?'"
Old Toolamba was dad's home, always. As an adult he lived in other places as his work demanded but he always came back here for a month every summer, and as soon as he could he retired here permanently. He loved everything about it; the river, the trees, his family, his childhood memories. I don't think he was ever really happy anywhere else.
Dad was always the fun parent. When I was very little dad would mow mazes in the back lawn so my brothers and I could run around in them. When we were a bit older and my parents were divorced, dad would take us out every second weekend to do fun things. Horse-riding was generally my choice, trail-bike riding was Darren's. Dad wouldn't ride but he would take long walks around the area while we tried not to fall off whatever we were riding.
Later dad bought us the Odyssey, a dune buggy; and then the Swordfish, a jet-ski bike. He was the one to organise all the paddock cricket where his tree farm is now, or treasure hunts down Cemetery Bend, following the clues. His idea of fun always seemed to include family. Dinner at a Chinese restaurant or an evening playing cards were all he asked for socially.
He taught me to play cards early. 500 was the favourite, but we also played Hearts and ABC Poker. I spent many an evening playing cards with dad and Uncle Glenn and Aunty Helen. He also tried to teach me to play chess but I didn't enjoy that as much, even when he gave me a Queen head start. He would beat me every time no matter how many of his pieces he took off the board at the start. I could hold my own with 500.
Of course during the long hot summers he would take us to the sand-beds on the river. Growing up, that is what I thought a beach was. Mainly we went around to the Big Sand-bed, or sometimes just swam off the log down the back here. Dad taught me to swim here. He was always involved in any activity and organised inner-tube flotillas down the river, having as much fun as anyone and more than most.
(the coffin, at Old Toolamba cemetery)
I have a letter from dad, written back in 2003, that says: "Often I look around my trees and the sunset and say to myself 'how could I ever leave?'"
(dad's little house)
Old Toolamba was dad's home, always. As an adult he lived in other places as his work demanded but he always came back here for a month every summer, and as soon as he could he retired here permanently. He loved everything about it; the river, the trees, his family, his childhood memories. I don't think he was ever really happy anywhere else.
(the Goulburn river in dad's backyard)
Dad was always the fun parent. When I was very little dad would mow mazes in the back lawn so my brothers and I could run around in them. When we were a bit older and my parents were divorced, dad would take us out every second weekend to do fun things. Horse-riding was generally my choice, trail-bike riding was Darren's. Dad wouldn't ride but he would take long walks around the area while we tried not to fall off whatever we were riding.
Later dad bought us the Odyssey, a dune buggy; and then the Swordfish, a jet-ski bike. He was the one to organise all the paddock cricket where his tree farm is now, or treasure hunts down Cemetery Bend, following the clues. His idea of fun always seemed to include family. Dinner at a Chinese restaurant or an evening playing cards were all he asked for socially.
(my children playing paddock cricket with newly-discovered second-cousins)
He taught me to play cards early. 500 was the favourite, but we also played Hearts and ABC Poker. I spent many an evening playing cards with dad and Uncle Glenn and Aunty Helen. He also tried to teach me to play chess but I didn't enjoy that as much, even when he gave me a Queen head start. He would beat me every time no matter how many of his pieces he took off the board at the start. I could hold my own with 500.
Of course during the long hot summers he would take us to the sand-beds on the river. Growing up, that is what I thought a beach was. Mainly we went around to the Big Sand-bed, or sometimes just swam off the log down the back here. Dad taught me to swim here. He was always involved in any activity and organised inner-tube flotillas down the river, having as much fun as anyone and more than most.
He didn't
take well to technology. When he moved back to Old Toolamba, he didn't have a
phone of any kind for a long time. Only when his health demanded it did he buy
a mobile phone so that he wouldn't be completely isolated. He had a TV for
watching sport, but never owned a computer. If he wanted any information, like
the starting time of the Stawell Gift, he would ring me in Canberra and ask me
to look it up for him. He also asked me to join him up for a computer dating
site on my computer, but I explained that it wouldn't be so practical for him
to review the women and check all his hits with me and my computer so far away.
He ended up sticking to advertising in local papers, and had no trouble getting
plenty of dates.
Dad always
bought his cars new. He said it didn't matter that a new car lost value as soon
as you drove it away from the showroom, because he didn't intend to resell. He
would drive it carefully and it would last at least ten years, even with the
long trips between Toolamba and Sydney. He taught me to drive like I and my
passengers were VIPs, very important people who you would never take risks
about, and leave 2 seconds between me and the car in front.
I have two
memories related to cars and dad. Dad taught me to drive, and I learned by
sitting on his lap when I was too little to reach the pedals and steering as we
drove around the streets of Beecroft. They wouldn't allow that nowadays! Then
when I was a teenager I had full control of the car driving around the paddocks
at Toolamba but dad forgot to tell me I needed to use the clutch when stopping.
I had changing gears down fine but every stop was a serious of bunny hops until
I worked it out for myself!
The other
memory is that every time we arrived at Toolamba, dad would cut the engine at
around the turn-off to the town and try to roll the rest of the way without
power. He won the game if he could glide up into Nana's front yard and stop
without having to use accelerator or brake. I think he managed it occasionally.
To nieces
and nephews, he was "Uncle Carbuncle". To my children, he was "Grandad
Stories". He made up weird and wonderful tales like "The Naughtiest
Child Competition", starring a girl called Jasmine (but not this Jasmine!)
and a boy called Aiden (but not this
Aiden!). Or sometimes it was a boy called Jasmine and a girl called Aiden.
He visited
every school holidays except winter. I had to ban him from the house in winter,
or rather I said he was welcome to come but he wasn't allowed to open the
windows. His mania for fresh air when it was below zero outside was too much
for me. But every other holidays he would visit for a few days and we would go
to Canberra's flower festival Floriade or on a boat tour of the lake or to a
lookout on top of one of the mountains. Always outdoors as much as possible,
seeing nature.
As far as I
am aware dad never went overseas to explore the world, and despite having been
in the air force he never seemed to fly anywhere. He was perfectly happy
driving from place to place within Australia, staying in cheap motels and
enjoying the beauties of his own country.
Back at
home, I encouraged him to have a proper garden and once gave him a lemon tree, which
quickly died. But he preferred planting and nurturing his forest of gum trees.
Each one is named after a family member, everyone has their own tree. We would
go on trips down Cemetery Bend to find new seedlings of as many varieties of
eucalypt as possible. He would always choose seedlings that wouldn't survive if
left where they were, like in a dry billabong that would fill up in the rainy
season. 
(the paddock beside dad's house, with his gum trees)
He designed
and built this house himself, with some professional help, surrounded by all
his trees and next to his beloved river. Old Toolamba is where he will stay.
Wednesday, June 3, 2015
Funeral
Wednesday:
Today was dad's funeral. It went really well and the only thing I would change was that it was really cold. But at least it was sunny. Dad lived in the country on a big block covered in the gum trees he planted. We had the ceremony outside surrounded by his beloved trees. I took some photos later on, I'll post them tomorrow when I get home. I got through my eulogy ok, and only cried afterwards when we were walking behind the coffin to the hearse and my cousin was playing guitar and singing. We drove the kilometre or so to the local cemetery and - is interred the right word? - him while kookaburras (native bird) chuckled in trees nearby. Then back to the house for a light lunch and lots of conversation with relatives I rarely see.
As a child I spent a month every summer on my grandparent's farm there, and I had a million cousins all around. Ok, maybe about fifteen. A lot, anyway. Some grown up enough to have their own children around my age. After my grandparents died and we grew up most of my generation moved a bit further away, into town or even to a city. We only visited the farm occasionally, usually dad came to us. It was lovely to see these kids I spent so much of my childhood with, no longer kids! I didn't recognise them all, or them me. More people came over to me after my eulogy, because I'd been introduced for that and now they knew who I was! My kids played paddock cricket with the next generation, which was lovely to see. It was something my dad always had the kids doing when I was young.
We've been invited over to a cousin's house for dinner tonight with a few other close family, the people I spent the most time with as a child, so I look forward to that.
It was weird to see everyone grown up! I still have them as teenagers in my mental image.
So, despite the sad nature of the occasion, I had a pretty good day. We shared lots of memories of dad. He won't be forgotten in a hurry. I found with mum as well that a funeral is really important in saying goodbye.
Today was dad's funeral. It went really well and the only thing I would change was that it was really cold. But at least it was sunny. Dad lived in the country on a big block covered in the gum trees he planted. We had the ceremony outside surrounded by his beloved trees. I took some photos later on, I'll post them tomorrow when I get home. I got through my eulogy ok, and only cried afterwards when we were walking behind the coffin to the hearse and my cousin was playing guitar and singing. We drove the kilometre or so to the local cemetery and - is interred the right word? - him while kookaburras (native bird) chuckled in trees nearby. Then back to the house for a light lunch and lots of conversation with relatives I rarely see.
As a child I spent a month every summer on my grandparent's farm there, and I had a million cousins all around. Ok, maybe about fifteen. A lot, anyway. Some grown up enough to have their own children around my age. After my grandparents died and we grew up most of my generation moved a bit further away, into town or even to a city. We only visited the farm occasionally, usually dad came to us. It was lovely to see these kids I spent so much of my childhood with, no longer kids! I didn't recognise them all, or them me. More people came over to me after my eulogy, because I'd been introduced for that and now they knew who I was! My kids played paddock cricket with the next generation, which was lovely to see. It was something my dad always had the kids doing when I was young.
We've been invited over to a cousin's house for dinner tonight with a few other close family, the people I spent the most time with as a child, so I look forward to that.
It was weird to see everyone grown up! I still have them as teenagers in my mental image.
So, despite the sad nature of the occasion, I had a pretty good day. We shared lots of memories of dad. He won't be forgotten in a hurry. I found with mum as well that a funeral is really important in saying goodbye.
Monday, June 1, 2015
Looking for closure
Monday:
I had a few things to do this morning so I was out and about until lunchtime, but I was moving very slowly the whole time. No energy at all, I probably looked like I was competing in a "slowest walk" race. Just shuffled around and got everything done eventually.
I'm sleeping poorly despite wearing my CPAP all night. Also eating badly, although I am trying to improve. Too much stress. Maybe when the funeral is over this week it will get better. I have been pretty anxious and depressed all year, for good reason, I keep wondering if I should talk to my doctor but I keep hoping time will help but then something else bad happens! I don't think I could take sleeping tablets anyway, with sleep apnoea (it might relax my throat too much) so it would probably be counselling which I don't want right now. I just need a stretch of a few months without a family member dying. I've been trying to write a eulogy for dad and I'm finding it hard. Still, I think I got it finished. I don't even know who else is speaking, or if anyone is. I think I'm the wrong personality type to have handed over control of the funeral. I should have just arranged everything myself by phone. But if I'd done that I would now be moaning about how difficult and stressful that was. You just can win in a sad situation like this.
I'm trying to find some enjoyment each day - and trying not to make it food! I can't think of anything for today. I didn't get out for a walk. And damn, I just realised I missed Game of Thrones this morning. Oh well, I can watch it when we get back. At least I can feel the satisfaction that I got some important things done today.
... talked to my aunt this evening so I know who is speaking now and have told her the subjects I am going to cover. They seem to have everything organised. Maybe I can just relax about that extraneous stuff and take the time to say goodbye to dad. We are off on our road trip to the funeral tomorrow. I hope everyone (including me) can get some closure.
I had a few things to do this morning so I was out and about until lunchtime, but I was moving very slowly the whole time. No energy at all, I probably looked like I was competing in a "slowest walk" race. Just shuffled around and got everything done eventually.
I'm sleeping poorly despite wearing my CPAP all night. Also eating badly, although I am trying to improve. Too much stress. Maybe when the funeral is over this week it will get better. I have been pretty anxious and depressed all year, for good reason, I keep wondering if I should talk to my doctor but I keep hoping time will help but then something else bad happens! I don't think I could take sleeping tablets anyway, with sleep apnoea (it might relax my throat too much) so it would probably be counselling which I don't want right now. I just need a stretch of a few months without a family member dying. I've been trying to write a eulogy for dad and I'm finding it hard. Still, I think I got it finished. I don't even know who else is speaking, or if anyone is. I think I'm the wrong personality type to have handed over control of the funeral. I should have just arranged everything myself by phone. But if I'd done that I would now be moaning about how difficult and stressful that was. You just can win in a sad situation like this.
I'm trying to find some enjoyment each day - and trying not to make it food! I can't think of anything for today. I didn't get out for a walk. And damn, I just realised I missed Game of Thrones this morning. Oh well, I can watch it when we get back. At least I can feel the satisfaction that I got some important things done today.
... talked to my aunt this evening so I know who is speaking now and have told her the subjects I am going to cover. They seem to have everything organised. Maybe I can just relax about that extraneous stuff and take the time to say goodbye to dad. We are off on our road trip to the funeral tomorrow. I hope everyone (including me) can get some closure.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Being more mindful
Friday:
I woke in the early hours of this morning and tossed and turned, suddenly very frustrated with myself that I've been eating my emotions, not exercising at all, not even doing my physio all week. I said a couple of days ago that I didn't care about all that right now, and I didn't, but now I do! Time to forgive myself and move on. Right now I'm feeling a bit bewildered about having thought it was ok to neglect my health - how is that going to help anything? But I know it was quite a normal response to grief and stress especially for someone like myself who has a troubled relationship with food.
One thing that has helped me take a step forward is knowing when the funeral is, it means I can make plans and feel more in control. Also I finally got through to my brother and so I know he knows about dad's death and he knows when the funeral is too. Whether he gets there is up to him. That is two burdens lifted and I feel like I can breathe again.
Of course I am still sad and stressed but I feel like I can cope now.
I had a physio appointment this morning, she was very nice about my not doing my homework all week and gave me a gentle relaxing massage. My shoulder has actually been pretty good all week because I haven't been using it much. My physio was concerned that the exercises were making it ache a bit (when I was doing them) so I'm going back to the first set of exercises she gave me and we'll see how that goes. I know the long drives to Shepparton and back, and sleeping in a hotel bed, are going to be painful. I have a massage appointment lined up for as soon as I get back.
Very busy productive day. Whatever happened to all my free time? It's been swallowed up by getting this house fixed up and preparing for my dad's funeral.
I've still struggled with food today but I've been more mindful and aware of what I'm doing. It's a start.
I woke in the early hours of this morning and tossed and turned, suddenly very frustrated with myself that I've been eating my emotions, not exercising at all, not even doing my physio all week. I said a couple of days ago that I didn't care about all that right now, and I didn't, but now I do! Time to forgive myself and move on. Right now I'm feeling a bit bewildered about having thought it was ok to neglect my health - how is that going to help anything? But I know it was quite a normal response to grief and stress especially for someone like myself who has a troubled relationship with food.
One thing that has helped me take a step forward is knowing when the funeral is, it means I can make plans and feel more in control. Also I finally got through to my brother and so I know he knows about dad's death and he knows when the funeral is too. Whether he gets there is up to him. That is two burdens lifted and I feel like I can breathe again.
Of course I am still sad and stressed but I feel like I can cope now.
I had a physio appointment this morning, she was very nice about my not doing my homework all week and gave me a gentle relaxing massage. My shoulder has actually been pretty good all week because I haven't been using it much. My physio was concerned that the exercises were making it ache a bit (when I was doing them) so I'm going back to the first set of exercises she gave me and we'll see how that goes. I know the long drives to Shepparton and back, and sleeping in a hotel bed, are going to be painful. I have a massage appointment lined up for as soon as I get back.
Very busy productive day. Whatever happened to all my free time? It's been swallowed up by getting this house fixed up and preparing for my dad's funeral.
I've still struggled with food today but I've been more mindful and aware of what I'm doing. It's a start.
Tuesday, May 26, 2015
Distractions
Tuesday:
Feeling pretty battered today. My family can't organise dad's funeral because the hospital is going to do an autopsy first, so it seems they don't know the exact cause of death. It means the funeral won't be until next week some time, don't know what day yet so can't make plans to travel down there.
Still haven't got through to my brother, no idea if he has seen my emails or voicemail or texts but I assume not or he would have replied unless he is too overwhelmed. Or dead. It seems to run in the family at the moment. I have asked my uncle who lives reasonably nearby to go around there this afternoon. Haven't heard back yet.
Aiden is still home sick, he has a nasty cough that was pretty horrible in the early hours of this morning but does seem better now, hopefully it's nearly over. We did pop out in the morning to buy some food, I tried to keep it very quick but it was freezing out there and either that or the moving around did start up his cough again for a while. Well, I can prepare meals for the next couple of days at least.
I had some things already booked in for today so I was kept busy. The curtain guy came to measure the relevant windows and show me fabric samples, so I got that finalised. New curtains for the living areas and Jasmine's bedroom in 3-6 weeks. The guy encouraged me to take down the old curtains myself, when the time came, which means unscrewing the brackets. He seemed very surprised when I said it was very much worth the money to me to pay someone else to do it. $10 per curtain (9 un-screws, and a heavy curtain rail falling on my head, and having to stand on a chair when I'm uncomfortable with heights) seemed like a bargain to me!
And the Salvation Army came to take some donations of furniture and books. And we got a delivery of a cabinet to stand the TV on (flat-packed), the TV had been sitting on our coffee table previously and I decided to finally get a proper stand for it, with spaces underneath for the Xbox and DVDs and everything. The Salvos didn't want our old TV cabinet even though it is a nice piece in great condition - no one (including us) has a TV that small any more! We sit our CD player in it now. But it is a huge piece of furniture that dominates the room so I had hoped to get rid of it. Maybe a recycling centre will want it for the wood and glass?
Jasmine went to a friend's house after school. Aiden and I (mostly I) spent at least two hours putting the TV unit together. I think it looks pretty good, considering I have no skills in that area. I'm amazed we had appropriate screwdrivers and a small hammer! One corner isn't tight so it's not perfect, but I'm quite proud of it.
I feel I'm really making progress in getting the house fixed up a bit, and it is a good distraction. That, and thinking about the possible loveliness of Norfolk Island, are helping me get through the days. Otherwise I'd be sitting being miserable all the time instead of half the time.
Feeling pretty battered today. My family can't organise dad's funeral because the hospital is going to do an autopsy first, so it seems they don't know the exact cause of death. It means the funeral won't be until next week some time, don't know what day yet so can't make plans to travel down there.
Still haven't got through to my brother, no idea if he has seen my emails or voicemail or texts but I assume not or he would have replied unless he is too overwhelmed. Or dead. It seems to run in the family at the moment. I have asked my uncle who lives reasonably nearby to go around there this afternoon. Haven't heard back yet.
Aiden is still home sick, he has a nasty cough that was pretty horrible in the early hours of this morning but does seem better now, hopefully it's nearly over. We did pop out in the morning to buy some food, I tried to keep it very quick but it was freezing out there and either that or the moving around did start up his cough again for a while. Well, I can prepare meals for the next couple of days at least.
I had some things already booked in for today so I was kept busy. The curtain guy came to measure the relevant windows and show me fabric samples, so I got that finalised. New curtains for the living areas and Jasmine's bedroom in 3-6 weeks. The guy encouraged me to take down the old curtains myself, when the time came, which means unscrewing the brackets. He seemed very surprised when I said it was very much worth the money to me to pay someone else to do it. $10 per curtain (9 un-screws, and a heavy curtain rail falling on my head, and having to stand on a chair when I'm uncomfortable with heights) seemed like a bargain to me!
And the Salvation Army came to take some donations of furniture and books. And we got a delivery of a cabinet to stand the TV on (flat-packed), the TV had been sitting on our coffee table previously and I decided to finally get a proper stand for it, with spaces underneath for the Xbox and DVDs and everything. The Salvos didn't want our old TV cabinet even though it is a nice piece in great condition - no one (including us) has a TV that small any more! We sit our CD player in it now. But it is a huge piece of furniture that dominates the room so I had hoped to get rid of it. Maybe a recycling centre will want it for the wood and glass?
Jasmine went to a friend's house after school. Aiden and I (mostly I) spent at least two hours putting the TV unit together. I think it looks pretty good, considering I have no skills in that area. I'm amazed we had appropriate screwdrivers and a small hammer! One corner isn't tight so it's not perfect, but I'm quite proud of it.
I feel I'm really making progress in getting the house fixed up a bit, and it is a good distraction. That, and thinking about the possible loveliness of Norfolk Island, are helping me get through the days. Otherwise I'd be sitting being miserable all the time instead of half the time.
Monday, May 25, 2015
Sad day
Monday:
Aiden is home sick today with a nasty cough. My physiotherapist cancelled as she is sick too. Time for a quiet day at home. We spent most of the day watching TV. I sorted some more stuff and talked to family by phone and email. Sat around feeling sad.
I slept very poorly last night, thinking about dad and also all the things to do attached to his death. Still trying to get in touch with my brother. Need to write a eulogy. My aunty Pat is arranging the funeral since she lives there, so that is a burden lifted, but I'm still being consulted in everything. Obviously we'll be making another trip down there in a few days.
My physical response to grief has been very strong. Firstly that I feel cold all the time. It is nearly winter here, but even with warm clothes inside with the heating on I am very cold. And also I'm not exactly hungry but I feel very hollow and a bit nauseous, and filling that space with food does seem to help for a little while. I couldn't shop today, with Aiden home sick, we had instant noodles for lunch and ordered pizza for dinner. I ate a lot of pizza very quickly. Then put leftovers from my favourite (pepperoni) into the freezer so I couldn't eat any more. I'm not really thinking about my weight right now, but that is no reason to make myself sick with overeating.
Aiden is home sick today with a nasty cough. My physiotherapist cancelled as she is sick too. Time for a quiet day at home. We spent most of the day watching TV. I sorted some more stuff and talked to family by phone and email. Sat around feeling sad.
I slept very poorly last night, thinking about dad and also all the things to do attached to his death. Still trying to get in touch with my brother. Need to write a eulogy. My aunty Pat is arranging the funeral since she lives there, so that is a burden lifted, but I'm still being consulted in everything. Obviously we'll be making another trip down there in a few days.
My physical response to grief has been very strong. Firstly that I feel cold all the time. It is nearly winter here, but even with warm clothes inside with the heating on I am very cold. And also I'm not exactly hungry but I feel very hollow and a bit nauseous, and filling that space with food does seem to help for a little while. I couldn't shop today, with Aiden home sick, we had instant noodles for lunch and ordered pizza for dinner. I ate a lot of pizza very quickly. Then put leftovers from my favourite (pepperoni) into the freezer so I couldn't eat any more. I'm not really thinking about my weight right now, but that is no reason to make myself sick with overeating.
Sunday, May 24, 2015
Dad
Sunday:
My father died around 6 this evening.
The hospital called me at 4:15 to say he was pretty bad and in Intensive Care. Then Wendy called to say he had passed away.
I don't know specifically why he died, but he was in ICU because his blood pressure had plummeted, possibly caused his chest infection. They tried to revive him but ultimately failed.
I haven't been able to get through to my brother. He's been having problems with his phone and no one has been able to contact him for a couple of weeks, although he calls me sometimes. He also doesn't have email at home, but checks a couple of times a week. So I've left a voicemail and an email and tried to call my uncle to go over there but couldn't through to him either.
What a horrible year.
My father died around 6 this evening.
The hospital called me at 4:15 to say he was pretty bad and in Intensive Care. Then Wendy called to say he had passed away.
I don't know specifically why he died, but he was in ICU because his blood pressure had plummeted, possibly caused his chest infection. They tried to revive him but ultimately failed.
I haven't been able to get through to my brother. He's been having problems with his phone and no one has been able to contact him for a couple of weeks, although he calls me sometimes. He also doesn't have email at home, but checks a couple of times a week. So I've left a voicemail and an email and tried to call my uncle to go over there but couldn't through to him either.
What a horrible year.
Friday, May 22, 2015
Long day
Friday:
Today I feel stressed and sick and overwhelmed. My dad, my shoulder, fixing up the house, maybe moving, and a party we're hosting this weekend.
The party is just a few people coming over to watch the Eurovision final together. They are mainly my husband's friends although I have met them all, not a large group. But I'm not really feeling like hosting any kind of party at the moment. And also our TV is having some serious problems so I'm not even confident that we will have a working television on Sunday night! I'm getting it sent to a repairer next week but it was too late to get it done for the weekend.
My husband and I are very well suited but there is one way in which we clash. I am very much a organiser who plans well in advance, he is an inveterate procrastinator who does things at the last minute. This covers all aspects of life; from driving, where I will change lanes as soon as I know there is a turn coming up even if it is 5 km away whereas he will get in the correct lane at the last possible moment; to paying bills which I would pay as soon as we get them but he pays on the due date so we get interest on our own money as long as possible; to things like this potential move to Norfolk Island where I am already preparing the house for tenants and washing old furniture to give to charities but I know Tim won't even apply for the job until 2 minutes to midnight on the final day. And it is giving me a stomach ulcer. I find it incredibly stressful. I hate his procrastinating, I assume he hates my nagging. He'll get it done before the deadline, so what is the problem?
Anyway, he called them today and found out a little bit about the job but the other guy was off to a meeting and will talk to him again next week, so we don't know anything new really.
So much in my life I have no control over. I need to learn to manage stress better.
I got a knock at the door this morning and it was a couple of glaziers (windows) which was confusing and I thought at first they must be at the wrong house, I certainly wasn't expecting them. But it turns out the handyman sent them to look at something. I'm not actually sure they were the right people for the job, the glass isn't actually broken. They were going to go back and talk to their boss about what needs to be done and if they can do it.
I got a call from the hospital but it was from home help people which was kind of weird since the guy seemed to agree that dad wasn't going home any time soon. But he was asking me questions about whether there were any stairs in dad's house, whether Wendy was able to look after him at home etc. Questions about the level of care needed were very difficult to answer because I don't know how well he would have to be before they send him home. He said he had talked to dad first but dad seemed a bit confused. It's worrying if he was unable to answer questions about his house; but maybe, like me, he just didn't know the answers to some of it. But everyone who speaks to him now mentions his confused state of mind.
At least the day ended well. Got home cold after my daughter's dance lesson to a lovely casserole keeping warm in the oven, and then an evening of watching the first Eurovision semifinal.
Today I feel stressed and sick and overwhelmed. My dad, my shoulder, fixing up the house, maybe moving, and a party we're hosting this weekend.
The party is just a few people coming over to watch the Eurovision final together. They are mainly my husband's friends although I have met them all, not a large group. But I'm not really feeling like hosting any kind of party at the moment. And also our TV is having some serious problems so I'm not even confident that we will have a working television on Sunday night! I'm getting it sent to a repairer next week but it was too late to get it done for the weekend.
My husband and I are very well suited but there is one way in which we clash. I am very much a organiser who plans well in advance, he is an inveterate procrastinator who does things at the last minute. This covers all aspects of life; from driving, where I will change lanes as soon as I know there is a turn coming up even if it is 5 km away whereas he will get in the correct lane at the last possible moment; to paying bills which I would pay as soon as we get them but he pays on the due date so we get interest on our own money as long as possible; to things like this potential move to Norfolk Island where I am already preparing the house for tenants and washing old furniture to give to charities but I know Tim won't even apply for the job until 2 minutes to midnight on the final day. And it is giving me a stomach ulcer. I find it incredibly stressful. I hate his procrastinating, I assume he hates my nagging. He'll get it done before the deadline, so what is the problem?
Anyway, he called them today and found out a little bit about the job but the other guy was off to a meeting and will talk to him again next week, so we don't know anything new really.
So much in my life I have no control over. I need to learn to manage stress better.
I got a knock at the door this morning and it was a couple of glaziers (windows) which was confusing and I thought at first they must be at the wrong house, I certainly wasn't expecting them. But it turns out the handyman sent them to look at something. I'm not actually sure they were the right people for the job, the glass isn't actually broken. They were going to go back and talk to their boss about what needs to be done and if they can do it.
I got a call from the hospital but it was from home help people which was kind of weird since the guy seemed to agree that dad wasn't going home any time soon. But he was asking me questions about whether there were any stairs in dad's house, whether Wendy was able to look after him at home etc. Questions about the level of care needed were very difficult to answer because I don't know how well he would have to be before they send him home. He said he had talked to dad first but dad seemed a bit confused. It's worrying if he was unable to answer questions about his house; but maybe, like me, he just didn't know the answers to some of it. But everyone who speaks to him now mentions his confused state of mind.
At least the day ended well. Got home cold after my daughter's dance lesson to a lovely casserole keeping warm in the oven, and then an evening of watching the first Eurovision semifinal.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Worse
Wendy called again tonight, dad is doing worse. His blood sugars fluctuated today between 22 which is very high and then right down to 3 which is horribly low. I think 5.5 to 7.8 is normal. They've moved him into a different ward. They don't seem to be able to keep his blood sugar levels under control, even under constant supervision in hospital, so how could he possibly go home. No chance of that happening any time soon. Very worrying.
Wednesday, May 20, 2015
Damn drawer handles
Wednesday:
Bit of a busy day today. We had someone coming to quote for cleaning the house this morning - a proper deep clean or as much as they could do considering all our stuff was still all over the place. So of course I had to spend some time tidying first! The guy came wandered around and worked out how much it will cost and he is coming back next week to do the actual work, over two days. The plan is to get a cleaner house for now, but if we end up renting out the house we'll have another clean done once our stuff is packed away. I used to have a regular cleaner when Jasmine was a baby (and I had post natal depression) but then I decided I could do it myself. It's just housework, right? But I can always find something better/more fun to do, so I am going to start outsourcing again.
Then I went to the local hardware store to buy a new door handle for the bathroom and some new drawer handles for various items of furniture. Got my first phone-call-while-driving for the day (I waited until I pulled over then called back, of course), the handyman who will come tomorrow to look at my list of things to do and give me a quote. Went to physio, it hurt a bit more today maybe after the weekend of motel bed and long hours in the car. Came home for lunch, and found that the screws that came with the drawer handles were all much too long.
So back to Bunnings Warehouse where they cut down all the screws for me (I worked out beforehand how long each should be), got my second phone-call-while-driving, my brother who is worried about dad. He spoke to dad yesterday on the phone and was worried about the seeming vagueness and confusion. I had thought dad seemed better on the weekend so I'm not sure how much was just miscommunication. For instance I had told my brother that dad was in Goulburn Valley hospital in Shepparton, but Darren thought he was in the town of Goulburn and was worried by dad saying he was in Shepparton. One bad thing was that when I was there I noticed dad had a strange wristband on but he couldn't seem to tell me what it was (didn't know or maybe just didn't want to?). Darren says when he spoke to a nurse she mentioned that dad was wandering around the hospital getting lost so they put a tracker on him! I'm not sure if he was lost or had some idea of escape, he was "joking" about escaping and going home when I was there. I told him that if he couldn't get into bed without help, I didn't like his chances of getting to the exit.
After that sunny little chat I went to my doctor's appointment to follow up about the x-ray and ultrasound of my shoulder. The upshot of which is I am keeping up with physio to see if that will help enough, and also I have a med cert to give to the gym if I want to suspend my membership for a couple of months but I'm not sure I want to use it. Then if I want to go, I can't. But will I want to go in the next couple of months? It's going to expire in a few weeks anyway.
My third phone-call-while-driving (yet again waiting until I was safely pulled over, but I'm never sure these days if it will be something important to I always call back as soon as I can) was the curtain people, so I've got a home visit from them arranged as well. Gradually getting it all done.
When I got home I put all the drawer handles on, only to find the coffee table ones were still too long! I didn't allow for the shape of the thingy that I'm not going to bother to explain because I don't know the names. After two trips to the hardware store I still couldn't get it right. And then realised that it was Wednesday which is the day we get home late after dance class so I make a casserole but I forgot and there wasn't long enough now for it to cook properly. Feeling a bit exhausted, really, with all the running around today. We got Indian food on the way home. And another call from Wendy during dinner, she said she had some positive news but I'm not sure what exactly because nothing she said seemed particularly positive to me. I suppose "He promises he will take his pills now" could be taken as positive but I didn't know he wasn't! And the fact dad had his MRI today and we'll get the results on Friday, well not really fabulous news. Oh well, I guess she is trying to see the bright side. Better than the alternative! I'd hate if she called me every day and moaned and wailed and predicted the worst! So I should be grateful.
Have a good night everyone.
Bit of a busy day today. We had someone coming to quote for cleaning the house this morning - a proper deep clean or as much as they could do considering all our stuff was still all over the place. So of course I had to spend some time tidying first! The guy came wandered around and worked out how much it will cost and he is coming back next week to do the actual work, over two days. The plan is to get a cleaner house for now, but if we end up renting out the house we'll have another clean done once our stuff is packed away. I used to have a regular cleaner when Jasmine was a baby (and I had post natal depression) but then I decided I could do it myself. It's just housework, right? But I can always find something better/more fun to do, so I am going to start outsourcing again.
Then I went to the local hardware store to buy a new door handle for the bathroom and some new drawer handles for various items of furniture. Got my first phone-call-while-driving for the day (I waited until I pulled over then called back, of course), the handyman who will come tomorrow to look at my list of things to do and give me a quote. Went to physio, it hurt a bit more today maybe after the weekend of motel bed and long hours in the car. Came home for lunch, and found that the screws that came with the drawer handles were all much too long.
So back to Bunnings Warehouse where they cut down all the screws for me (I worked out beforehand how long each should be), got my second phone-call-while-driving, my brother who is worried about dad. He spoke to dad yesterday on the phone and was worried about the seeming vagueness and confusion. I had thought dad seemed better on the weekend so I'm not sure how much was just miscommunication. For instance I had told my brother that dad was in Goulburn Valley hospital in Shepparton, but Darren thought he was in the town of Goulburn and was worried by dad saying he was in Shepparton. One bad thing was that when I was there I noticed dad had a strange wristband on but he couldn't seem to tell me what it was (didn't know or maybe just didn't want to?). Darren says when he spoke to a nurse she mentioned that dad was wandering around the hospital getting lost so they put a tracker on him! I'm not sure if he was lost or had some idea of escape, he was "joking" about escaping and going home when I was there. I told him that if he couldn't get into bed without help, I didn't like his chances of getting to the exit.
After that sunny little chat I went to my doctor's appointment to follow up about the x-ray and ultrasound of my shoulder. The upshot of which is I am keeping up with physio to see if that will help enough, and also I have a med cert to give to the gym if I want to suspend my membership for a couple of months but I'm not sure I want to use it. Then if I want to go, I can't. But will I want to go in the next couple of months? It's going to expire in a few weeks anyway.
My third phone-call-while-driving (yet again waiting until I was safely pulled over, but I'm never sure these days if it will be something important to I always call back as soon as I can) was the curtain people, so I've got a home visit from them arranged as well. Gradually getting it all done.
When I got home I put all the drawer handles on, only to find the coffee table ones were still too long! I didn't allow for the shape of the thingy that I'm not going to bother to explain because I don't know the names. After two trips to the hardware store I still couldn't get it right. And then realised that it was Wednesday which is the day we get home late after dance class so I make a casserole but I forgot and there wasn't long enough now for it to cook properly. Feeling a bit exhausted, really, with all the running around today. We got Indian food on the way home. And another call from Wendy during dinner, she said she had some positive news but I'm not sure what exactly because nothing she said seemed particularly positive to me. I suppose "He promises he will take his pills now" could be taken as positive but I didn't know he wasn't! And the fact dad had his MRI today and we'll get the results on Friday, well not really fabulous news. Oh well, I guess she is trying to see the bright side. Better than the alternative! I'd hate if she called me every day and moaned and wailed and predicted the worst! So I should be grateful.
Have a good night everyone.
Monday, May 18, 2015
Visiting dad and rescuing a dog
Sunday and Monday:
Our little country motel offered toast and cereal and the like for breakfast, but we decided to drive the few blocks into the centre on town for breakfast on Sunday morning. We parked and started to wander up and down streets and through the mall. Nothing was open. Siri found us one coffee shop but it wasn't the sort that sold breakfast, just coffee and a few cakes. After a cold and hungry fruitless search, we drove to the outskirts of town and went to McDonalds. I guess we're just city folk, used to everything being open all the time. Who doesn't have brunch on Sundays after a night out?
The good thing about this trip to McDonalds was that we found a beautiful park on the way. It was new since I spent my childhood summers in the area, a created lake and wetlands with a lovely walk around the outside and two children's playgrounds. So after breakfast we went for a stroll. There were lots of ducks and some pelicans in the water
and then we saw this little guy.
He was swimming around and diving, presumably for food. The tail was wrong for a platypus, we don't have otters in Australia as far as I know, and he was too big for a rat although he looked like one. In the end we decided he was a native Australian water rat of some kind.
Then we got caught up in the Million Paws Walk. This is a charity dog-walking event. There must have been 50 or more dogs of all shapes and sizes with their owners, walking along the path beside the lake. They ended up congregated at one end of the park where they held some competitions. Best trick, best costume;
After this pleasant interlude we went to the hospital to see dad again. The relief that he wasn't as bad as I'd thought had worn off a bit. He is very sick, and we still don't really have any details. We asked a nurse but she didn't know much. His blood sugar levels are still way too high and they are giving him insulin injections. (I decided against giving him chocolates!) I'm hoping if they can stabilise that then he'll feel better and can start eating more and maybe go home.
At lunchtime we went back to the lovely park. We had lunch at a café next to the lake, the food wasn't great but the view was.
We walked around (I didn't have my fitbit on because I didn't think to take my charger, but I'm sure I did 10,000 steps again) and the kids played while I sat in the lovely sunshine and Tim jogged around the lake.
Then we drove out to dad's house, some 15 or 20 mins out of town to pick up dad's partner Wendy. She doesn't drive so she's been dependant on other people taking her to the hospital and shopping. She must be very isolated and lonely out there without dad. My aunty Pat has been driving her in most days. We went and spent more time with dad. Tim took the kids outside for a while and they chased wild rabbits around the lawns outside the hospital. They both now want a pet bunny. We took Wendy to the shops to get groceries then drove her back home.
We got back into town ready for dinner. Only to find the same problem as we had in the morning. Everything closed (or non-existent) on a Sunday night. Siri directed us to places that had either shut down or were so closed and dark that we couldn't find them. We ended up going to a Thai restaurant even though that is what we'd had the night before. It was that or take-away pizza eaten on our motel beds. Luckily we all like Thai food.
Tim and I both slept very poorly our second night there. My shoulder was aching quite a lot. In the morning we blearily managed to find a café that was actually open, being Monday, then we hit the road early for the long drive home.
Seeing dad sick was sad, and the driving was tedious and hard on my shoulder, but some parts of the weekend were really nice. I hadn't seen dad for a few months so it was good to talk to him, and I saw my aunty Pat (some other family members who live down there were away, and I didn't feel up to seeking out the others) and the park was really nice. The kids would have happily spent all day there. Very glad we went, but it's nice to be home.
...
I had just finished the above at 5pm then Tim called me outside. There was a dog roaming around trailing his lead, and I am good with animals (and babies). I went out and called him and he ran over to me. I caught him easily and set to work calming him down.
He looked like maybe a Rhodesian ridgeback cross, medium size but very strong. He was obviously very scared and worried. Once I had his lead he sat and leaned against my legs. He was agitated by someone walking down the path on the other side of the road and by a lady with a pram. My hand is still hurting from holding him! He barked and even growled a bit so I tried to keep the kids at a distance for a while but he wasn't actually aggressive, just scared (which is still dangerous with dogs). After a while he seemed comfortable with them.
We stood outside for a while in case an owner turned up looking for him, and gave him a drink which he seemed very grateful for, then after a while called the appropriate authorities. They said they could either pick him up at lunchtime tomorrow (!!) or else we could take him to a vet who could check his microchip to find his owners. He didn't have a tag. I didn't want to put him in the car, not knowing how he would react, and not having any appropriate restraint, so we walked him the 2 km or so to the nearest vet.
Tim had the lead, I just wasn't strong enough. He wasn't very obedient, pulling ahead hard or else stopping to sniff and urinate. But he seemed like a nice dog. At the vet, they said he had a microchip and his name was AJ (I had guessed Max), and said he lived in Evatt which is a couple of suburbs away over several main roads in peak hour! No wonder he was scared. They couldn't get through to the owner right away but took him out the back to hold him until they could, and we walked home. I felt like we did a good deed for the day. And got our exercise too!
I was very late starting dinner, Wendy called while I was cooking with some good news. They'd managed to speak to a doctor who thinks dad is improving a bit. He ate today (food Wendy took in, not hospital food) and although the hospital doesn't expect to release him until the end of the week, still it is good news.
Our little country motel offered toast and cereal and the like for breakfast, but we decided to drive the few blocks into the centre on town for breakfast on Sunday morning. We parked and started to wander up and down streets and through the mall. Nothing was open. Siri found us one coffee shop but it wasn't the sort that sold breakfast, just coffee and a few cakes. After a cold and hungry fruitless search, we drove to the outskirts of town and went to McDonalds. I guess we're just city folk, used to everything being open all the time. Who doesn't have brunch on Sundays after a night out?
The good thing about this trip to McDonalds was that we found a beautiful park on the way. It was new since I spent my childhood summers in the area, a created lake and wetlands with a lovely walk around the outside and two children's playgrounds. So after breakfast we went for a stroll. There were lots of ducks and some pelicans in the water
and then we saw this little guy.
Then we got caught up in the Million Paws Walk. This is a charity dog-walking event. There must have been 50 or more dogs of all shapes and sizes with their owners, walking along the path beside the lake. They ended up congregated at one end of the park where they held some competitions. Best trick, best costume;
And I thought there should have been a prize for the dog and owner who looked most alike;
After this pleasant interlude we went to the hospital to see dad again. The relief that he wasn't as bad as I'd thought had worn off a bit. He is very sick, and we still don't really have any details. We asked a nurse but she didn't know much. His blood sugar levels are still way too high and they are giving him insulin injections. (I decided against giving him chocolates!) I'm hoping if they can stabilise that then he'll feel better and can start eating more and maybe go home.
At lunchtime we went back to the lovely park. We had lunch at a café next to the lake, the food wasn't great but the view was.
We walked around (I didn't have my fitbit on because I didn't think to take my charger, but I'm sure I did 10,000 steps again) and the kids played while I sat in the lovely sunshine and Tim jogged around the lake.
Then we drove out to dad's house, some 15 or 20 mins out of town to pick up dad's partner Wendy. She doesn't drive so she's been dependant on other people taking her to the hospital and shopping. She must be very isolated and lonely out there without dad. My aunty Pat has been driving her in most days. We went and spent more time with dad. Tim took the kids outside for a while and they chased wild rabbits around the lawns outside the hospital. They both now want a pet bunny. We took Wendy to the shops to get groceries then drove her back home.
We got back into town ready for dinner. Only to find the same problem as we had in the morning. Everything closed (or non-existent) on a Sunday night. Siri directed us to places that had either shut down or were so closed and dark that we couldn't find them. We ended up going to a Thai restaurant even though that is what we'd had the night before. It was that or take-away pizza eaten on our motel beds. Luckily we all like Thai food.
Tim and I both slept very poorly our second night there. My shoulder was aching quite a lot. In the morning we blearily managed to find a café that was actually open, being Monday, then we hit the road early for the long drive home.
Seeing dad sick was sad, and the driving was tedious and hard on my shoulder, but some parts of the weekend were really nice. I hadn't seen dad for a few months so it was good to talk to him, and I saw my aunty Pat (some other family members who live down there were away, and I didn't feel up to seeking out the others) and the park was really nice. The kids would have happily spent all day there. Very glad we went, but it's nice to be home.
...
I had just finished the above at 5pm then Tim called me outside. There was a dog roaming around trailing his lead, and I am good with animals (and babies). I went out and called him and he ran over to me. I caught him easily and set to work calming him down.
We stood outside for a while in case an owner turned up looking for him, and gave him a drink which he seemed very grateful for, then after a while called the appropriate authorities. They said they could either pick him up at lunchtime tomorrow (!!) or else we could take him to a vet who could check his microchip to find his owners. He didn't have a tag. I didn't want to put him in the car, not knowing how he would react, and not having any appropriate restraint, so we walked him the 2 km or so to the nearest vet.
I was very late starting dinner, Wendy called while I was cooking with some good news. They'd managed to speak to a doctor who thinks dad is improving a bit. He ate today (food Wendy took in, not hospital food) and although the hospital doesn't expect to release him until the end of the week, still it is good news.
Saturday, May 16, 2015
Not as bad as I feared
Saturday:
We drove all day and went to see dad in hospital. I'm glad my aunt and dad's girlfriend both warned me how terrible he looked, because in comparison to my imagination he didn't look so bad! It was quite a relief instead of a shock. They did say he was looking a bit better and less pale today. Of course he did look sick and older than I last saw him, but not the skeleton I was expecting. The doctors have got him on insulin and are still trying to stabilise his blood sugar.
I planned ahead for the trip and brought along snacks and a picnic lunch. We drove up a steep track behind a little town and ate our lunch at a lookout on top of a mountain. It was quite lovely.
We walked to the hospital from our hotel a few blocks away, and obviously back again, so I made my 10,000 steps today. So overall a pretty healthy day.
Our hotel room is very cold so I'm glad there are electric blankets on the beds. Good night.
We drove all day and went to see dad in hospital. I'm glad my aunt and dad's girlfriend both warned me how terrible he looked, because in comparison to my imagination he didn't look so bad! It was quite a relief instead of a shock. They did say he was looking a bit better and less pale today. Of course he did look sick and older than I last saw him, but not the skeleton I was expecting. The doctors have got him on insulin and are still trying to stabilise his blood sugar.
I planned ahead for the trip and brought along snacks and a picnic lunch. We drove up a steep track behind a little town and ate our lunch at a lookout on top of a mountain. It was quite lovely.
We walked to the hospital from our hotel a few blocks away, and obviously back again, so I made my 10,000 steps today. So overall a pretty healthy day.
Our hotel room is very cold so I'm glad there are electric blankets on the beds. Good night.
Friday, May 15, 2015
Invasion
Friday:
Well, I had a difficult day. First there was last night. After a phone call with my aunt - dad's sister - who was trying to prepare me for dad's altered appearance after months of eating very little, and an earlier dispute with my son that left us both in tears (very rare, obviously my resilience and tolerance were way down), I was feeling pretty wrung out. Then we had a power blackout. The night was clear so I don't know why, but certainly the whole block was out. We read by the light of our iPhones (how medieval) but it started getting cold without the heater so we went to bed a bit early.
Obviously I couldn't use my CPAP without power. The electricity did come on later (then we found out which lights had been left on) but I had already settled in for a guilt-free "night off" my CPAP. I know that might not make a lot of sense when it helps me to sleep more soundly, but I still don't much like having that thing strapped to my face every night. I wanted the freedom of being able to turn over with a big tube dragging from my nose!
In terms of restlessness and quality of sleep, it seemed about the same as one of my bad nights with the CPAP that I still have every third night or so, so that wasn't a dramatic change. The main difference was that I accidently spent some time sleeping on my stomach, something the CPAP prevents with its bulk. It used to be my favourite sleeping position but now it makes both shoulders hurt. So I woke in a bit of pain after that and took quite a while to get back to sleep. Also, I had a sore throat when I first woke which makes me think I was snoring, common with sleep apnoea, although Tim slept through it if I was. Anyway, it was one night and I know I sleep better with my CPAP, back to using it tonight.
So we come to today. I dropped off the car at the mechanic and walked the couple of blocks to my physio appointment. I was running a little late and had to hurry, and I stepped in a pothole crossing the road and hurt my ankle (it's fine now). But I ended up only a few minutes late. Only to find I was actually three hours early! I had put 12:40 on my iPhone calendar, the clinic had sent me a reminder yesterday that said it was at 12:40, yet somehow I had got it into my head it was at 9:40. Did I mention my brain doesn't work too well when I'm stressed?
It wouldn't matter too much except that I didn't have my car. I was envisioning walking home, then back in again to my appointment, then later doing the trip again to pick up my car. I suppose it would have been good for me, but it seemed a bit much. So the receptionist managed to move my appointment up to 11:00 and told me to go and have a coffee or something for an hour.
I walked the couple of blocks to the big shopping centre and started to look for something to take to dad in hospital. It was tricky, because he hates greeting cards (someone else's sentiments on a ridiculously overpriced piece of cardboard), has no interest in flowers, doesn't read except the newspaper, wasn't eating much because he was too sick... His interests are sport and alcohol - not necessarily in that order. And I wasn't taking him a bottle of wine to wash down his morphine, although he'd probably appreciate it.
I had this bright idea of making him a pretend bouquet of "flowers" made of rolled up sporting pictures, like his favourite football or cricket stars. I thought it could look cute. So I went to the newsagent but although there were a million magazines for golf, cycling and fishing; apparently the kind of people who watch dad's favourite sports are not big readers. What little they had didn't have enough full-page pictures for my idea to work. I bought a general sport magazine and one with football stats anyway, I thought if he has the energy he might like to flick through them. And also a box of his favourite chocolates, maybe they will spark his appetite. It's likely they'll all just sit on his side table, but it was the best I could think of.
I still had some time so I went to a chocolate café which has been there for at least a couple of years but I had never been in. I ordered their basic small-size hot chocolate. The first half I decided it was the best (and at $5.90, most expensive) hot chocolate I had ever had, but after that it just seemed much too sweet and I left the rest. I went from "yum" to "I'm starting to feel sick" after a few mouthfuls. I was feeling pretty sad and stressed, too, so I didn't really enjoy the indulgence.
Back to physio, which went well. My therapist was gentle again with the massage so it was only moderately painful, and she gave me some more exercises to add. Someone across the hall was obviously having a very painful manipulation - lots of sounds of someone in extreme pain!
I called the mechanic before I set off for my walk home to see if I could save myself a trip. They still couldn't get the car to make the worrying sound - it hadn't for me this morning either - but they said the belt (?) was possibly a little loose so they tightened it. Otherwise they couldn't find anything. I went and picked it up and got to drive home. I was glad not to have to do more walking, I'd done a fair bit of trotting around already and I just wanted to get home.
I found out that dad's current Will was written before he got divorced from his second wife, so the executor has asked me to make sure he makes a new one. I didn't want to do it over the phone so I'll wait until I get there but I did prepare a couple of options for him based on his previous version, if he's happy with one of those he can just sign and be done with it. Great conversation to have with your maybe-dying father who you haven't seen for three months. Maybe I should open with that. "Hi dad, great to see you, by the way just in case you die tomorrow..." Sorry, I'm a bit tired.
Later I took Jasmine to her ballet lesson. We got home just in time for a phone call from dad's girlfriend for another conversation about how we don't really know anything new, but that the doctors want to talk to family and when would I be there so she could arrange to be there too (she's had some problems I think because she's lived with him less than a year and isn't an official de facto partner). I was still negotiating that when I noticed the ants. We've been having a problem lately with these tiny little black ants, a few times a week there will be some in the kitchen or laundry or bathroom. Maybe swarming inside an unwashed cup that had juice in it. Or my (I thought washed and clean) sugar bowl. There have been a couple of bigger incursions. Tonight's was a doozy. I alerted the kids and we followed the thick busy trail. They came in under the back door, through the laundry, right around the outside of the kitchen and dining area, avoiding the carpet and staying on the linoleum and tiles, occasionally behind cupboards, finally disappearing behind the dishwasher right back near where they came in. All in the hour and a half we were away.
I mopped them all up with a strong eucalyptus solution, it seems to both kill those it touches and cover up the scent trails so no more come in, for a few days at least. I've won this battle, but not the war. Not sure what to do about it. I'm not keen on chemical sprays. I suppose there is a nest outside nearby, but I've never noticed it. The dishwasher is screwed in so I can't easily pull it out and see what is going on back there. The weird thing was they didn't go to any of the possible food sources like the full rubbish bin under the sink or the crumbs under the kitchen table. Maybe they were looking for a new home rather than food? Or water?
Tim is out tonight at farewell drinks for a colleague so I've got to get the kids to bed. I'm looking forward to sinking into my armchair after that and letting the day be over. It's been a tough one. I don't expect the weekend to be any easier.
Well, I had a difficult day. First there was last night. After a phone call with my aunt - dad's sister - who was trying to prepare me for dad's altered appearance after months of eating very little, and an earlier dispute with my son that left us both in tears (very rare, obviously my resilience and tolerance were way down), I was feeling pretty wrung out. Then we had a power blackout. The night was clear so I don't know why, but certainly the whole block was out. We read by the light of our iPhones (how medieval) but it started getting cold without the heater so we went to bed a bit early.
Obviously I couldn't use my CPAP without power. The electricity did come on later (then we found out which lights had been left on) but I had already settled in for a guilt-free "night off" my CPAP. I know that might not make a lot of sense when it helps me to sleep more soundly, but I still don't much like having that thing strapped to my face every night. I wanted the freedom of being able to turn over with a big tube dragging from my nose!
In terms of restlessness and quality of sleep, it seemed about the same as one of my bad nights with the CPAP that I still have every third night or so, so that wasn't a dramatic change. The main difference was that I accidently spent some time sleeping on my stomach, something the CPAP prevents with its bulk. It used to be my favourite sleeping position but now it makes both shoulders hurt. So I woke in a bit of pain after that and took quite a while to get back to sleep. Also, I had a sore throat when I first woke which makes me think I was snoring, common with sleep apnoea, although Tim slept through it if I was. Anyway, it was one night and I know I sleep better with my CPAP, back to using it tonight.
So we come to today. I dropped off the car at the mechanic and walked the couple of blocks to my physio appointment. I was running a little late and had to hurry, and I stepped in a pothole crossing the road and hurt my ankle (it's fine now). But I ended up only a few minutes late. Only to find I was actually three hours early! I had put 12:40 on my iPhone calendar, the clinic had sent me a reminder yesterday that said it was at 12:40, yet somehow I had got it into my head it was at 9:40. Did I mention my brain doesn't work too well when I'm stressed?
It wouldn't matter too much except that I didn't have my car. I was envisioning walking home, then back in again to my appointment, then later doing the trip again to pick up my car. I suppose it would have been good for me, but it seemed a bit much. So the receptionist managed to move my appointment up to 11:00 and told me to go and have a coffee or something for an hour.
I walked the couple of blocks to the big shopping centre and started to look for something to take to dad in hospital. It was tricky, because he hates greeting cards (someone else's sentiments on a ridiculously overpriced piece of cardboard), has no interest in flowers, doesn't read except the newspaper, wasn't eating much because he was too sick... His interests are sport and alcohol - not necessarily in that order. And I wasn't taking him a bottle of wine to wash down his morphine, although he'd probably appreciate it.
I had this bright idea of making him a pretend bouquet of "flowers" made of rolled up sporting pictures, like his favourite football or cricket stars. I thought it could look cute. So I went to the newsagent but although there were a million magazines for golf, cycling and fishing; apparently the kind of people who watch dad's favourite sports are not big readers. What little they had didn't have enough full-page pictures for my idea to work. I bought a general sport magazine and one with football stats anyway, I thought if he has the energy he might like to flick through them. And also a box of his favourite chocolates, maybe they will spark his appetite. It's likely they'll all just sit on his side table, but it was the best I could think of.
I still had some time so I went to a chocolate café which has been there for at least a couple of years but I had never been in. I ordered their basic small-size hot chocolate. The first half I decided it was the best (and at $5.90, most expensive) hot chocolate I had ever had, but after that it just seemed much too sweet and I left the rest. I went from "yum" to "I'm starting to feel sick" after a few mouthfuls. I was feeling pretty sad and stressed, too, so I didn't really enjoy the indulgence.
Back to physio, which went well. My therapist was gentle again with the massage so it was only moderately painful, and she gave me some more exercises to add. Someone across the hall was obviously having a very painful manipulation - lots of sounds of someone in extreme pain!
I called the mechanic before I set off for my walk home to see if I could save myself a trip. They still couldn't get the car to make the worrying sound - it hadn't for me this morning either - but they said the belt (?) was possibly a little loose so they tightened it. Otherwise they couldn't find anything. I went and picked it up and got to drive home. I was glad not to have to do more walking, I'd done a fair bit of trotting around already and I just wanted to get home.
I found out that dad's current Will was written before he got divorced from his second wife, so the executor has asked me to make sure he makes a new one. I didn't want to do it over the phone so I'll wait until I get there but I did prepare a couple of options for him based on his previous version, if he's happy with one of those he can just sign and be done with it. Great conversation to have with your maybe-dying father who you haven't seen for three months. Maybe I should open with that. "Hi dad, great to see you, by the way just in case you die tomorrow..." Sorry, I'm a bit tired.
Later I took Jasmine to her ballet lesson. We got home just in time for a phone call from dad's girlfriend for another conversation about how we don't really know anything new, but that the doctors want to talk to family and when would I be there so she could arrange to be there too (she's had some problems I think because she's lived with him less than a year and isn't an official de facto partner). I was still negotiating that when I noticed the ants. We've been having a problem lately with these tiny little black ants, a few times a week there will be some in the kitchen or laundry or bathroom. Maybe swarming inside an unwashed cup that had juice in it. Or my (I thought washed and clean) sugar bowl. There have been a couple of bigger incursions. Tonight's was a doozy. I alerted the kids and we followed the thick busy trail. They came in under the back door, through the laundry, right around the outside of the kitchen and dining area, avoiding the carpet and staying on the linoleum and tiles, occasionally behind cupboards, finally disappearing behind the dishwasher right back near where they came in. All in the hour and a half we were away.
I mopped them all up with a strong eucalyptus solution, it seems to both kill those it touches and cover up the scent trails so no more come in, for a few days at least. I've won this battle, but not the war. Not sure what to do about it. I'm not keen on chemical sprays. I suppose there is a nest outside nearby, but I've never noticed it. The dishwasher is screwed in so I can't easily pull it out and see what is going on back there. The weird thing was they didn't go to any of the possible food sources like the full rubbish bin under the sink or the crumbs under the kitchen table. Maybe they were looking for a new home rather than food? Or water?
Tim is out tonight at farewell drinks for a colleague so I've got to get the kids to bed. I'm looking forward to sinking into my armchair after that and letting the day be over. It's been a tough one. I don't expect the weekend to be any easier.
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Crit group
Wednesday:
Dad called this morning early, before I was out of bed (although Tim was up and answered the phone) which is so unusual for him. Generally he keeps "gentlemen's hours" as he calls them. You don't bother people before 11:00am! But he asked what day it was so he probably didn't know the time either. It scared me right away that he was doing something so out of character.
He was obviously weak and tired and a bit confused. He couldn't remember if it was his kidneys or his liver that were the main problem, but probably "everything". He said something about his head blowing up, meaning he couldn't think straight but I wasn't sure what he was talking about at first.
I spoke to the nurse a bit later on, she thought there was no immediate urgency to rush down before the weekend. We discussed the confusion which seemed to be a new symptom and she will mention it to his doctor. She said the reason they kept him in hospital yesterday was because of his uncontrolled blood sugar levels - he has become a diabetic in recent years. Maybe that is affecting his thinking? Anyway, overall she was quite reassuring that he was settled there and doing as well as can be expected. No new test results.
During dinner I talked to Wendy again. I think she is worried we aren't coming down earlier. It's all very stressful.
I got out for a walk in the chilly sunshine this morning. I didn't have a lot of time. My children were both receiving merit awards in today's school assembly and Jasmine was also playing in the band so I picked up Tim from work, we watched the assembly, then I drove Tim back to work. On the way home I went to the library. Near the library I heard this great conversation (I assume they were teenagers but I didn't turn around):
Her: You have to tell her how you feel.
Him: Well I did, but it's not that easy.
Her: You're not going to be great at sex straight away, it takes practice.
Him: I know, I'm still learning.
Her: Oh! I meant her, not you.
Him: The only reason I got my tongue pierced is for her, but she doesn't like it.
Her: Really? Maybe she finds it uncomfortable.
Ah, the kids of today.
I had a very late lunch, and then Jasmine's dance lesson I had a very short time for dinner, which was also interrupted by my conversation with dad's partner. Then I rushed out the door for this month's critique group. So cold outside! But the meeting went well. I was really nervous, I don't like criticising someone's book to their face! So much easier via email. But I had a few pertinent things to say and I got them out, then was able to sit back and listen to other people's input. Honestly, for a shy person like me it was easier to hear other people criticise my book than to point out flaws in someone else's!
Came home to a lovely warm house, a bit more dinner reheated, and some favourite TV the family taped for me. Luxury.
Dad called this morning early, before I was out of bed (although Tim was up and answered the phone) which is so unusual for him. Generally he keeps "gentlemen's hours" as he calls them. You don't bother people before 11:00am! But he asked what day it was so he probably didn't know the time either. It scared me right away that he was doing something so out of character.
He was obviously weak and tired and a bit confused. He couldn't remember if it was his kidneys or his liver that were the main problem, but probably "everything". He said something about his head blowing up, meaning he couldn't think straight but I wasn't sure what he was talking about at first.
I spoke to the nurse a bit later on, she thought there was no immediate urgency to rush down before the weekend. We discussed the confusion which seemed to be a new symptom and she will mention it to his doctor. She said the reason they kept him in hospital yesterday was because of his uncontrolled blood sugar levels - he has become a diabetic in recent years. Maybe that is affecting his thinking? Anyway, overall she was quite reassuring that he was settled there and doing as well as can be expected. No new test results.
During dinner I talked to Wendy again. I think she is worried we aren't coming down earlier. It's all very stressful.
I got out for a walk in the chilly sunshine this morning. I didn't have a lot of time. My children were both receiving merit awards in today's school assembly and Jasmine was also playing in the band so I picked up Tim from work, we watched the assembly, then I drove Tim back to work. On the way home I went to the library. Near the library I heard this great conversation (I assume they were teenagers but I didn't turn around):
Her: You have to tell her how you feel.
Him: Well I did, but it's not that easy.
Her: You're not going to be great at sex straight away, it takes practice.
Him: I know, I'm still learning.
Her: Oh! I meant her, not you.
Him: The only reason I got my tongue pierced is for her, but she doesn't like it.
Her: Really? Maybe she finds it uncomfortable.
Ah, the kids of today.
I had a very late lunch, and then Jasmine's dance lesson I had a very short time for dinner, which was also interrupted by my conversation with dad's partner. Then I rushed out the door for this month's critique group. So cold outside! But the meeting went well. I was really nervous, I don't like criticising someone's book to their face! So much easier via email. But I had a few pertinent things to say and I got them out, then was able to sit back and listen to other people's input. Honestly, for a shy person like me it was easier to hear other people criticise my book than to point out flaws in someone else's!
Came home to a lovely warm house, a bit more dinner reheated, and some favourite TV the family taped for me. Luxury.
Tuesday, May 12, 2015
Anniversary
Tuesday:
Today was my 13 year wedding anniversary.
We went out to lunch at a restaurant called Courgette which is French for zucchini. The butter for the tiny bread rolls was bacon flavoured. Last year I think it was anchovy flavour and I didn't like it, smoky bacon was much nicer! The cutlery there was crazy long. That is not a trick perspective photo!
I took some surreptitious pictures when I was pretty sure no one was looking. Here is my entrée, "seared scallops with smoked cauliflower puree, fennel crunch and fermented black garlic".
I didn't take a picture of my main, but it was "mushroom tortellini, charred leeks, kale chips, free range egg yolk, onion jus". It was my least favourite of the three courses, but still nice. Fairly ordinary taste but plated up well.
My dessert was "Windsor strawberries and cream, meringue, custard, mint cloud, freeze dried mandarin". Delicious.
It was a very nice lunch with my lovely husband, and I left the restaurant full but not overstuffed. I have no idea how to estimate calories though, I haven't been tracking for a few days so I think I'll start tomorrow! My goal is to lose 3.3 kilograms this month.
In the afternoon I went for a walk out in the cold and felt super sleepy afterwards. Last night I pulled off the CPAP after only four hours, for the first time in weeks, because I turned onto my back and water ran down into my nose! Only a little bit but it felt horrible when I was mostly asleep at the time. It was probably condensation because the room was cold but the air in the CPAP is warmed and humidified. After that I didn't sleep well.
...
If it seems like I tack on things like news about my dad at the end of my posts it's not because I don't find them important, it's because I often write most of my post earlier in the day but don't finish it until the evening if something else happens I want to write about. My dad's partner Wendy called tonight, he went in for more tests today, no results yet, and he was so unwell they have kept him in hospital again. Wendy says he looks like a walking skeleton. He is not a compliant patient and just wants to go home, very grumpy. I have booked a hotel for the weekend - it seemed easier for them than staying at his house, and if he is in hospital the hotel would be a lot closer - but I am getting very worried that this weekend could be too late. I am going to call the hospital in the morning and see if they have any advice, then decide.
Today was my 13 year wedding anniversary.
We went out to lunch at a restaurant called Courgette which is French for zucchini. The butter for the tiny bread rolls was bacon flavoured. Last year I think it was anchovy flavour and I didn't like it, smoky bacon was much nicer! The cutlery there was crazy long. That is not a trick perspective photo!
I took some surreptitious pictures when I was pretty sure no one was looking. Here is my entrée, "seared scallops with smoked cauliflower puree, fennel crunch and fermented black garlic".
I didn't take a picture of my main, but it was "mushroom tortellini, charred leeks, kale chips, free range egg yolk, onion jus". It was my least favourite of the three courses, but still nice. Fairly ordinary taste but plated up well.
My dessert was "Windsor strawberries and cream, meringue, custard, mint cloud, freeze dried mandarin". Delicious.
It was a very nice lunch with my lovely husband, and I left the restaurant full but not overstuffed. I have no idea how to estimate calories though, I haven't been tracking for a few days so I think I'll start tomorrow! My goal is to lose 3.3 kilograms this month.
In the afternoon I went for a walk out in the cold and felt super sleepy afterwards. Last night I pulled off the CPAP after only four hours, for the first time in weeks, because I turned onto my back and water ran down into my nose! Only a little bit but it felt horrible when I was mostly asleep at the time. It was probably condensation because the room was cold but the air in the CPAP is warmed and humidified. After that I didn't sleep well.
...
If it seems like I tack on things like news about my dad at the end of my posts it's not because I don't find them important, it's because I often write most of my post earlier in the day but don't finish it until the evening if something else happens I want to write about. My dad's partner Wendy called tonight, he went in for more tests today, no results yet, and he was so unwell they have kept him in hospital again. Wendy says he looks like a walking skeleton. He is not a compliant patient and just wants to go home, very grumpy. I have booked a hotel for the weekend - it seemed easier for them than staying at his house, and if he is in hospital the hotel would be a lot closer - but I am getting very worried that this weekend could be too late. I am going to call the hospital in the morning and see if they have any advice, then decide.
Saturday, May 9, 2015
Worried about dad
Saturday:
I've signed up for the four week dietbet starting on Monday. And Tim is going to do it with me! We discussed it back when I joined the six month one, but decided he didn't have 10% to lose. But 4% is perfect for him, just a few kilograms. He already exercises a lot as he rides his bike to and from work every day in nearly every weather, so he'll have to cut down on the food just a little. He's a bit of a carb addict and quite often turns to toast in the evenings. It will be nice to do it together.
I've decided to stick with carb cycling, but go the "classic" option instead of the "turbo" I was doing. I'll be alternating high and low carb days, I was struggling a bit with two low carb in a row. And I've also decided on the option of a small treat or treat meal on each high carb day rather than one big blowout on the weekend because I've deprived myself all week. By small treat I mean a couple of squares of dark chocolate as my afternoon snack, or real pasta instead of zoodles sometimes. Actually I like zoodles, but that sort of thing. A bit of extra leeway without letting calories get out of hand. And it allows for a treat meal that includes both carbs and fat - otherwise not allowed together - which gives me more flexibility with meal choices. I'll see how it goes.
The goal is to lose weight while still feeling good both physically and mentally. No injuries, no misery from depriving myself.
I'm worried about my dad tonight. He's been sick for eight weeks now and getting worse all the time. He's spent much of this week in hospital. He coughs all the time and can barely talk and has no appetite and his kidneys are failing. He's having more tests on Tuesday so hopefully we'll know something then, but either way I think we'd better make the drive down there next weekend. I am bracing myself for more bad news. Dad's partner Wendy is there looking after him and when I talked to her tonight she basically compared it to caring for her late husband in his last illness. This is just a sucky year so far.
I've signed up for the four week dietbet starting on Monday. And Tim is going to do it with me! We discussed it back when I joined the six month one, but decided he didn't have 10% to lose. But 4% is perfect for him, just a few kilograms. He already exercises a lot as he rides his bike to and from work every day in nearly every weather, so he'll have to cut down on the food just a little. He's a bit of a carb addict and quite often turns to toast in the evenings. It will be nice to do it together.
I've decided to stick with carb cycling, but go the "classic" option instead of the "turbo" I was doing. I'll be alternating high and low carb days, I was struggling a bit with two low carb in a row. And I've also decided on the option of a small treat or treat meal on each high carb day rather than one big blowout on the weekend because I've deprived myself all week. By small treat I mean a couple of squares of dark chocolate as my afternoon snack, or real pasta instead of zoodles sometimes. Actually I like zoodles, but that sort of thing. A bit of extra leeway without letting calories get out of hand. And it allows for a treat meal that includes both carbs and fat - otherwise not allowed together - which gives me more flexibility with meal choices. I'll see how it goes.
The goal is to lose weight while still feeling good both physically and mentally. No injuries, no misery from depriving myself.
I'm worried about my dad tonight. He's been sick for eight weeks now and getting worse all the time. He's spent much of this week in hospital. He coughs all the time and can barely talk and has no appetite and his kidneys are failing. He's having more tests on Tuesday so hopefully we'll know something then, but either way I think we'd better make the drive down there next weekend. I am bracing myself for more bad news. Dad's partner Wendy is there looking after him and when I talked to her tonight she basically compared it to caring for her late husband in his last illness. This is just a sucky year so far.
Monday, May 4, 2015
Clean carpet
Monday:
We had our carpets cleaned first thing this morning, so we got up early to move all the smaller furniture off the carpet. Our house is all carpet! Everything was squeezed into the kitchen and bathrooms, leaving narrow corridors to essential locations. Got the kids off to school a little early and I sat in the kitchen putting up with the smell from the detergent warring with the freezing air from the open window. I'm hoping the carpet will clean up well enough that we don't have to replace it, it depends if the stains resurface after a couple of days. Last time we had a professional clean was shortly before we said goodbye to Thor. He was mostly housetrained by then, but not 100%. The carpet always looks beautiful after a clean, but sometimes stains mysteriously reappear.
I really need to get on with organising some minor repairs, either for selling the house or just for us to live here more comfortably. We are not at all handy people, more academic nerdy types. Still, I'm sure we can learn how to replace a tap washer or a door handle. Everything is online these days. We need to replace most of the blinds and curtains too. The only major thing that needs doing is some work on the ensuite bathroom. Unless we renovate instead of moving, then who knows the extent of the changes?
I've been watching various shows about renovating and selling homes, and apart from cleaning and repairing the house the main thing they recommend before trying to sell is to make the house very generic. Nothing that shows your personality. Furnish with a minimum of furniture, no clutter or knick knacks or feature walls or family photos. It seems a little boring and soulless to me, I like a house with personality, but apparently it can make it hard for other people to imagine themselves there. You want a showroom look, not a home.
Seeing my house almost empty of furniture except the beds and big items, I can understand their point. It looks pretty appealing. And much bigger!
I remember I loved this house the moment I walked in, and it has been a great house for us, but I think one thing that influenced me was it was a really hot day when I first viewed it and the lovely air conditioning was on! It has its faults, like all houses, and it's become a bit small for us with two active children, I am ready for a move if we can just work out where.
After the carpet cleaning guy was finished I went out for a walk. Really nice late-autumn day.
I spent the afternoon clearing out my desk drawers and filing cabinet and also going through some paperwork I brought from mum's house, and typing up her Eulogy. That was a bit exhausting, both emotionally and physically - my back was aching from lots of bending. And my brother called and we talked about dad being sick and how worrying that was. The kids didn't get home until 5:30 after French lesson and playing at a friend's house, so I was home alone until then. Long story short, I was feeling tired and sad by the end of the day and couldn't handle the idea of cooking dinner. I ordered pizza. I can't defend that choice. It certainly wasn't on the plan today, or anywhere close.
Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Ok. A half hour walk.
Water: Poor. (When I let some of my rules go, I guess they all go.)
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Poor.
We had our carpets cleaned first thing this morning, so we got up early to move all the smaller furniture off the carpet. Our house is all carpet! Everything was squeezed into the kitchen and bathrooms, leaving narrow corridors to essential locations. Got the kids off to school a little early and I sat in the kitchen putting up with the smell from the detergent warring with the freezing air from the open window. I'm hoping the carpet will clean up well enough that we don't have to replace it, it depends if the stains resurface after a couple of days. Last time we had a professional clean was shortly before we said goodbye to Thor. He was mostly housetrained by then, but not 100%. The carpet always looks beautiful after a clean, but sometimes stains mysteriously reappear.
I really need to get on with organising some minor repairs, either for selling the house or just for us to live here more comfortably. We are not at all handy people, more academic nerdy types. Still, I'm sure we can learn how to replace a tap washer or a door handle. Everything is online these days. We need to replace most of the blinds and curtains too. The only major thing that needs doing is some work on the ensuite bathroom. Unless we renovate instead of moving, then who knows the extent of the changes?
I've been watching various shows about renovating and selling homes, and apart from cleaning and repairing the house the main thing they recommend before trying to sell is to make the house very generic. Nothing that shows your personality. Furnish with a minimum of furniture, no clutter or knick knacks or feature walls or family photos. It seems a little boring and soulless to me, I like a house with personality, but apparently it can make it hard for other people to imagine themselves there. You want a showroom look, not a home.
Seeing my house almost empty of furniture except the beds and big items, I can understand their point. It looks pretty appealing. And much bigger!
I remember I loved this house the moment I walked in, and it has been a great house for us, but I think one thing that influenced me was it was a really hot day when I first viewed it and the lovely air conditioning was on! It has its faults, like all houses, and it's become a bit small for us with two active children, I am ready for a move if we can just work out where.
After the carpet cleaning guy was finished I went out for a walk. Really nice late-autumn day.
I spent the afternoon clearing out my desk drawers and filing cabinet and also going through some paperwork I brought from mum's house, and typing up her Eulogy. That was a bit exhausting, both emotionally and physically - my back was aching from lots of bending. And my brother called and we talked about dad being sick and how worrying that was. The kids didn't get home until 5:30 after French lesson and playing at a friend's house, so I was home alone until then. Long story short, I was feeling tired and sad by the end of the day and couldn't handle the idea of cooking dinner. I ordered pizza. I can't defend that choice. It certainly wasn't on the plan today, or anywhere close.
Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Ok. A half hour walk.
Water: Poor. (When I let some of my rules go, I guess they all go.)
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Poor.
Wednesday, April 29, 2015
Running up stairs
Wednesday:
Dad called last night and he is back home with new medication to add to his pill box, and keeping some food down. But he doesn't have results of the tests yet so we don't actually know what is wrong.
I got to the gym this morning and did 45 minutes at medium intensity on the elliptical then walked down/ran up the stairs five times for a total of 100 stairs. I made it to 10,000 steps by the end of the day. Three days in a row!
Tim was home sick today. He played computer games while I did my work. It was nice for Aiden that daddy was home, it meant he didn't have to accompany me to Jasmine's dance lesson and sit bored for an hour (he gets to play my iPhone). The studio is just far enough away that it's not worth driving home so we always stay. It's too cold to walk outside now at that time of the evening. I loved having pulled pork to come home to - and it's high carb day so I got to have a tortilla! Yummy.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Great.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good with compliance, but restless.
Mental health: Good.
Dad called last night and he is back home with new medication to add to his pill box, and keeping some food down. But he doesn't have results of the tests yet so we don't actually know what is wrong.
I got to the gym this morning and did 45 minutes at medium intensity on the elliptical then walked down/ran up the stairs five times for a total of 100 stairs. I made it to 10,000 steps by the end of the day. Three days in a row!
Tim was home sick today. He played computer games while I did my work. It was nice for Aiden that daddy was home, it meant he didn't have to accompany me to Jasmine's dance lesson and sit bored for an hour (he gets to play my iPhone). The studio is just far enough away that it's not worth driving home so we always stay. It's too cold to walk outside now at that time of the evening. I loved having pulled pork to come home to - and it's high carb day so I got to have a tortilla! Yummy.
Report card:
Diet: Good.
Exercise: Great.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good with compliance, but restless.
Mental health: Good.
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