Friday:
I saw my doctor again this morning to check my blood pressure because it was high two weeks ago - very unusual for me. Still high today, although not as bad. At least, it was 150/90ish the first time she checked, which is very high, but we waited and tested again and it was 133/91 which isn't as bad. Still too high though (I think 120/80 is normal). Duromine (phentermine) can raise blood pressure but it never has for me before. I don't have any other symptoms like headaches or dizziness. My doctor thinks it's probably the stress of work placement plus these last few weeks of study with all the assignments, not making time to exercise etc rather than the Duromine that is causing it, and feels that not being overweight is very important for my health so wants me to keep taking it. I'm not losing but at least I'm not gaining. I'm not sure what I think. She wants me to concentrate on exercising more, just getting outside and walking, more as a stress relief than for weight loss. I'll try that for now and see her again soon. Also having a blood test on Monday to check my thyroid and blood sugar.
Weight loss doesn't feel like a big priority right now, although I definitely want to lose more and in particular just one more kilogram to get under 70! I'm stuck on 71.1kg. But I'm so busy with finishing my degree, looking for work, and looking after my family; and I feel so much better at this weight than I did when heavier, that weight loss has fallen off the radar a bit. I did talk about that with the doctor, but she was concerned that if I stop the Duromine while I'm so busy and stressed and not worrying about my weight that I'm more likely to regain than if I stop at some calmer time. I think that is a reasonable fear.
I wore last winter's black jeans today. Ridiculously baggy. And they were my tight ones!
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Thursday, May 17, 2018
Wednesday, May 11, 2016
Forty four: stress
Wednesday:
I really don't handle stress at all well. This saga of the missing piece of Aiden's chest of drawers has been going on for five or six months now, I got myself worked up and called yet again, they are waiting for the part from the warehouse and promised (again) "very soon". A fortnight ago they said "early next week". I really don't know what to do. I've called many times, Tim has called, it goes on and on. I've made a deadline for myself, if it's not fixed by the end of next week I'll demand a refund and complain at the highest level I can find. I know I should have done that months ago, but they keep promising and I keep hoping. I don't really want to return it because it's part of a matching set of furniture, otherwise I wouldn't have let it go on so long. But this is their last chance.
I find standing up for myself extremely stressful. It's lucky there wasn't much in the house to binge eat. I had some two minute noodles and the chocolate I was given for Mothers Day. It's hundreds of calories extra. But I didn't go out and buy myself junk although I really wanted to.
It's it silly what little things make me want to turn to food.
I was also feeling a little down for another silly reason. In my computer game I've been playing for months working towards a particular goal. I generally play for a while after eating lunch, and sometimes in the evening as well. Today I achieved my goal! And almost immediately felt let down. Like, "what now"? All that "work" for a couple of seconds of "yay". Actually that is nonsense. I've really enjoyed playing, it wasn't work in any sense. It's just that getting a congratulatory message on my screen didn't seem quite worth the long build up.
I actually wrote a flash fiction short story once about that exact feeling, a few years ago. It was chosen as one of the ten put in people's show bags at a writing convention. So it seems I've had that experience before!
B: cheese on toast, tea.
L: bacon.
S: noodles, chocolate.
D: beef casserole, bread roll with butter.
Way too many carbs today.
I really don't handle stress at all well. This saga of the missing piece of Aiden's chest of drawers has been going on for five or six months now, I got myself worked up and called yet again, they are waiting for the part from the warehouse and promised (again) "very soon". A fortnight ago they said "early next week". I really don't know what to do. I've called many times, Tim has called, it goes on and on. I've made a deadline for myself, if it's not fixed by the end of next week I'll demand a refund and complain at the highest level I can find. I know I should have done that months ago, but they keep promising and I keep hoping. I don't really want to return it because it's part of a matching set of furniture, otherwise I wouldn't have let it go on so long. But this is their last chance.
I find standing up for myself extremely stressful. It's lucky there wasn't much in the house to binge eat. I had some two minute noodles and the chocolate I was given for Mothers Day. It's hundreds of calories extra. But I didn't go out and buy myself junk although I really wanted to.
It's it silly what little things make me want to turn to food.
I was also feeling a little down for another silly reason. In my computer game I've been playing for months working towards a particular goal. I generally play for a while after eating lunch, and sometimes in the evening as well. Today I achieved my goal! And almost immediately felt let down. Like, "what now"? All that "work" for a couple of seconds of "yay". Actually that is nonsense. I've really enjoyed playing, it wasn't work in any sense. It's just that getting a congratulatory message on my screen didn't seem quite worth the long build up.
I actually wrote a flash fiction short story once about that exact feeling, a few years ago. It was chosen as one of the ten put in people's show bags at a writing convention. So it seems I've had that experience before!
B: cheese on toast, tea.
L: bacon.
S: noodles, chocolate.
D: beef casserole, bread roll with butter.
Way too many carbs today.
Wednesday, November 18, 2015
Lunchtime walk
Wednesday:
Lovely start to the day; breakfast in the covered courtyard (I allow myself bacon around once a week) after everyone else had left. I don't usually read newspapers, but this local one was delivered so I decided to get into the spirit of the area.
I went inside to my desk and the kookaburra visited. I mentioned yesterday I was giving them cooked meat, well a lot of it was left behind so I guess they didn't like it. This morning I put out some raw meat - trimmings from my steak - and that went very quickly.
I did deskwork most of the morning while waiting for a registered letter to arrive. You'll remember settlement on our Canberra house was supposed to happen last Monday but there was a document missing, well that was all sorted out and we settled on Thursday. Today we got the cheque. As soon as it came I walked up to the shopping centre and deposited it into our account. As soon as it clears it will of course go on the mortgage for this house! It was a great relief when settlement was finalised.
It was very hot outside, but I walked the back way along a path in a very narrow strip of bushland, only a couple of hundred metres wide at most. Sometimes you walk along directly behind houses, other times you have native bush on both sides and can only see houses and streets off through the trees. I feel safe because I can see civilisation at all times (but I still wouldn't walk it at night). Much more shady than walking along the roads, and about the same distance.
It was nearly lunchtime when I went out but this time I made sure I wasn't hungry! I did buy myself a food treat while I was there - a mango. Yummy. And I dropped into the library to exchange my books. Then I walked home to a house about 10C cooler than outside, had a drink and recovered, and had a lovely lunch.
...
It turned into a very stressful afternoon. Jasmine texted to ask if I could pick her up from school as it was too hot to ride home. Timing was going to be an issue with Aiden getting home soon, so I told her to ride part-way and I would pick her up at a particular side street. Getting out of our quiet street took forever, with three or four schools within a couple of blocks of here (two private) the pick-up traffic was horrendous and there were cars backed up all around the round-about as if they were parked there. But I got out eventually by being a bit pushy and drove to the meeting place. Jas wasn't there yet. So I kept going, all the way to her school. The bike path is right beside the road, how could I have missed her? Drove back to the appointed corner, waited, stress levels rising. Where was she? Time was ticking on as well. As I got out my phone to call, she texted me. She'd gone down the side street instead of waiting at the corner, and was right down the other end!! Miscommunication there. That street is blocked off to cars half-way down, so I had to go round the block. Got there eventually.
Next challenge, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. I'd been worried about that. She's now using my old bike, so it's small adult size. I tried to take off the front wheel like Tim does, but with no idea what I was doing. It wouldn't come off. Flashbacks to when Tim broke his shoulder blade and I had to get his bike into the car to drive him to hospital. That bike needed more doctoring that he did to get it back in working order after I was done with it. With my stress levels at exploding point, I got the wheel half off which meant the bike could no longer even be wheeled along, let alone ridden. I used brute force and wrestled the bike into the back seat where it stuck out at one side. Drove home with the car door slightly open, to find Aiden waiting but fine. I was probably silly to stress so much, but I honestly don't know what he would have done if he was waiting for a long time. We don't know any neighbours and we hadn't discussed it. I don't envy Tim trying to put the wheel back on the bike, I may have left some random parts behind in the gutter.
Lovely start to the day; breakfast in the covered courtyard (I allow myself bacon around once a week) after everyone else had left. I don't usually read newspapers, but this local one was delivered so I decided to get into the spirit of the area.
I went inside to my desk and the kookaburra visited. I mentioned yesterday I was giving them cooked meat, well a lot of it was left behind so I guess they didn't like it. This morning I put out some raw meat - trimmings from my steak - and that went very quickly.
I did deskwork most of the morning while waiting for a registered letter to arrive. You'll remember settlement on our Canberra house was supposed to happen last Monday but there was a document missing, well that was all sorted out and we settled on Thursday. Today we got the cheque. As soon as it came I walked up to the shopping centre and deposited it into our account. As soon as it clears it will of course go on the mortgage for this house! It was a great relief when settlement was finalised.
It was very hot outside, but I walked the back way along a path in a very narrow strip of bushland, only a couple of hundred metres wide at most. Sometimes you walk along directly behind houses, other times you have native bush on both sides and can only see houses and streets off through the trees. I feel safe because I can see civilisation at all times (but I still wouldn't walk it at night). Much more shady than walking along the roads, and about the same distance.
It was nearly lunchtime when I went out but this time I made sure I wasn't hungry! I did buy myself a food treat while I was there - a mango. Yummy. And I dropped into the library to exchange my books. Then I walked home to a house about 10C cooler than outside, had a drink and recovered, and had a lovely lunch.
...
It turned into a very stressful afternoon. Jasmine texted to ask if I could pick her up from school as it was too hot to ride home. Timing was going to be an issue with Aiden getting home soon, so I told her to ride part-way and I would pick her up at a particular side street. Getting out of our quiet street took forever, with three or four schools within a couple of blocks of here (two private) the pick-up traffic was horrendous and there were cars backed up all around the round-about as if they were parked there. But I got out eventually by being a bit pushy and drove to the meeting place. Jas wasn't there yet. So I kept going, all the way to her school. The bike path is right beside the road, how could I have missed her? Drove back to the appointed corner, waited, stress levels rising. Where was she? Time was ticking on as well. As I got out my phone to call, she texted me. She'd gone down the side street instead of waiting at the corner, and was right down the other end!! Miscommunication there. That street is blocked off to cars half-way down, so I had to go round the block. Got there eventually.
Next challenge, the bike wouldn't fit in the car. I'd been worried about that. She's now using my old bike, so it's small adult size. I tried to take off the front wheel like Tim does, but with no idea what I was doing. It wouldn't come off. Flashbacks to when Tim broke his shoulder blade and I had to get his bike into the car to drive him to hospital. That bike needed more doctoring that he did to get it back in working order after I was done with it. With my stress levels at exploding point, I got the wheel half off which meant the bike could no longer even be wheeled along, let alone ridden. I used brute force and wrestled the bike into the back seat where it stuck out at one side. Drove home with the car door slightly open, to find Aiden waiting but fine. I was probably silly to stress so much, but I honestly don't know what he would have done if he was waiting for a long time. We don't know any neighbours and we hadn't discussed it. I don't envy Tim trying to put the wheel back on the bike, I may have left some random parts behind in the gutter.
Monday, November 9, 2015
Library
Tuesday:
Back in the library, this time with my iPad to myself, because apparently we won't have internet at home for 10-20 business days! Arg!
The weekend was of course mainly spent unpacking. The lounge room is a very pleasant space now, the kitchen is mostly done, and we have enough clothes to be going on with. But there are still plenty of boxes in every room, and the study/rumpus is a complete shambles so there is still plenty to do. I'm back to a level of physical work that I can handle, tired each day but without the sore knee and aching muscles. My appetite is also back to normal, for a while I was too exhausted to eat much.
There are two rooms that will need a lot of thought and/or new furniture. The eating area off the kitchen is big, our little kitchen table is much too small there, and only fits the four of us, no extra visitors. We now have room for a big generous table there. And the study/rumpus (previous owners used it as a TV room but we have ours in the lounge) is lovely and big too, so it currently echoes cavernously with just our two computer desks and a lot of boxes. We plan to add two more desks for the kids, and also have a music and/or reading corner for the drum kit, guitar, keyboard, bookcases... It will take a bit of planning to make it look nice. The space is big - but not infinite! I'm thinking about getting some inbuilt cupboards.
On Saturday we walked up to the nearest playground, next to the shops and the library, it's less than 15 mins each way. On Sunday afternoon Tim's family came over to see the new house. We'll have a proper housewarming later but Tim's family all live close by. Also it was nearly Aiden's birthday (he turned 9 today) and also cousin Veronica's so we had a bit of a celebration for that. Pizza and cake. Aside from that I've been eating quite healthily, cooking in my new kitchen, fruit for snacks.
Yesterday ended up being very stressful and chaotic. Tim had his first day of work and Jasmine her first day of school. I handed Jas over to her teacher then Aiden and I went to visit his school. He met his teacher and we bought him a uniform. We had to visit the real estate agent who sold us the house (to hand over money for the outdoor setting we'd bought from the previous owners) and it was just across the road, we decided to take the pedestrian footbridge instead of crossing at the lights. It was very scary! Aiden talked about it for a hour afterwards. It was narrow, creaky metal, apparently of WWII construction, very high, very steep stairs. I'm scared of heights, but even Aiden vowed to never set foot on it again.
While at the real estate agents, I brought up the most important of a few things in the house we couldn't get working. We didn't know if they were broken or if there was a trick to them. One was the range hood, which is supposed to draw away steam and smoke from the stove. The agent called the previous owner who gave instructions, which later worked out fine so that was great. The other thing was the spa bath in the ensuite. That spa was a big selling point for the house for me. We've all had baths in it but can't get the jets working. Again, I was given instructions I thought I understood but when I got home found I didn't after all. I don't want to keep hassling the previous owners, they've sold and moved on, but I would like to work this out!
Next Aiden and I came to the library where I blogged and then he played games, then we went to a nearby cafe and had a very delicious lunch, then did some grocery shopping, and finally went home. Then things started getting really chaotic and stressful. Firstly I called the internet provider to find out how long before connection. After a very long wait, the consultant denied all knowledge of us expecting to have Internet set up in the new house. She had a record of Tim calling more than a week ago but with nothing finalised! Whereas I happen to know he spent well over an hour on the phone getting it, we thought, all done. I couldn't argue the point because I had been on hold so long I was now in danger of being late to pick up Jas on her first day - and I was 5 mins late which she pointed out but she was fine.
Later I got a series of emails from them confirming setting up Internet with 10-20 business days wait time, so it was obviously all ready to go but they didn't click the final approval button or something. So annoying.
In the car on the way home Jasmine mentioned she needed a pair of compasses for maths the next day. So it was back to the shops before we got to go home.
The next thing was an email from our conveyancing solicitor in Canberra, they couldn't settle on selling our house because there was one form not completed by us. How had they not sent us this
form, and how had they not noticed until the day of settlement! It was supposed to all happen yesterday, and now it didn't. So frustrating. And I could receive emails on my phone but not send them, and I certainly couldn't print out the form.
We went back to the library, couldn't get anything working, frantic calls to Tim who of course just started in that office and didn't have a printer set up yet, gave up and home again, more calls, back to the library, finally managed to get the document sent to Tim who was able to print it out.
Home, started dinner at a time we are usually eating it, stopped cooking to pick up Tim from the station (about 10 mins drive each way), finished cooking, collapsed. This morning we got Ping to witness the form and I sent it off by Express Post. Several days delay on the buyers getting their house and us getting our money, due to our lawyers incompetence.
Oh, and can I rant about Foxtel? We got it just to watch Game of Thrones and then cancelled, which rather annoyingly you have to do over the phone, not easily via Internet. Billed the following month, cancelled again, got money refunded. Billed next month, rang yet again to cancel! Got money
refunded. Is it over yet? Apparently not. We got a letter yesterday saying that now that we'd cancelled
the service, we had to give back their set top box or be charged $300. But we never got a set top box! We had Foxtel play, which you stream though the Internet. How can their records not show that? Any chance of getting Tim as a return customer went from low to an infinitely negative number.
So yesterday afternoon was pretty horrible. I was stressed and snappy.
Today was Aiden's actual birthday so we started the day with presents in bed. So glad I bought them all weeks ago.
I dropped Jasmine at school in the car then parked back at home and walked Aiden up to his school which is close, maybe 10 mins walk. Handed him over and bought some second hand clothes at their uniform shop to supplement the new outfit I bought yesterday. Walked home, drove up to the post office to Express Post that document, came to the library and spent about an hour and a half typing this. And now we're up to date with my life.
I have lost a little weight with all the work and not eating as much, trying to stay away from the junk food since I got a kitchen. I plan to join the gym at some point but for the moment I have as much physical activity as I can deal with.
And now to catch up on everyone else's blogs! Then lunch, and more unpacking.
Back in the library, this time with my iPad to myself, because apparently we won't have internet at home for 10-20 business days! Arg!
The weekend was of course mainly spent unpacking. The lounge room is a very pleasant space now, the kitchen is mostly done, and we have enough clothes to be going on with. But there are still plenty of boxes in every room, and the study/rumpus is a complete shambles so there is still plenty to do. I'm back to a level of physical work that I can handle, tired each day but without the sore knee and aching muscles. My appetite is also back to normal, for a while I was too exhausted to eat much.
There are two rooms that will need a lot of thought and/or new furniture. The eating area off the kitchen is big, our little kitchen table is much too small there, and only fits the four of us, no extra visitors. We now have room for a big generous table there. And the study/rumpus (previous owners used it as a TV room but we have ours in the lounge) is lovely and big too, so it currently echoes cavernously with just our two computer desks and a lot of boxes. We plan to add two more desks for the kids, and also have a music and/or reading corner for the drum kit, guitar, keyboard, bookcases... It will take a bit of planning to make it look nice. The space is big - but not infinite! I'm thinking about getting some inbuilt cupboards.
On Saturday we walked up to the nearest playground, next to the shops and the library, it's less than 15 mins each way. On Sunday afternoon Tim's family came over to see the new house. We'll have a proper housewarming later but Tim's family all live close by. Also it was nearly Aiden's birthday (he turned 9 today) and also cousin Veronica's so we had a bit of a celebration for that. Pizza and cake. Aside from that I've been eating quite healthily, cooking in my new kitchen, fruit for snacks.
Yesterday ended up being very stressful and chaotic. Tim had his first day of work and Jasmine her first day of school. I handed Jas over to her teacher then Aiden and I went to visit his school. He met his teacher and we bought him a uniform. We had to visit the real estate agent who sold us the house (to hand over money for the outdoor setting we'd bought from the previous owners) and it was just across the road, we decided to take the pedestrian footbridge instead of crossing at the lights. It was very scary! Aiden talked about it for a hour afterwards. It was narrow, creaky metal, apparently of WWII construction, very high, very steep stairs. I'm scared of heights, but even Aiden vowed to never set foot on it again.
While at the real estate agents, I brought up the most important of a few things in the house we couldn't get working. We didn't know if they were broken or if there was a trick to them. One was the range hood, which is supposed to draw away steam and smoke from the stove. The agent called the previous owner who gave instructions, which later worked out fine so that was great. The other thing was the spa bath in the ensuite. That spa was a big selling point for the house for me. We've all had baths in it but can't get the jets working. Again, I was given instructions I thought I understood but when I got home found I didn't after all. I don't want to keep hassling the previous owners, they've sold and moved on, but I would like to work this out!
Next Aiden and I came to the library where I blogged and then he played games, then we went to a nearby cafe and had a very delicious lunch, then did some grocery shopping, and finally went home. Then things started getting really chaotic and stressful. Firstly I called the internet provider to find out how long before connection. After a very long wait, the consultant denied all knowledge of us expecting to have Internet set up in the new house. She had a record of Tim calling more than a week ago but with nothing finalised! Whereas I happen to know he spent well over an hour on the phone getting it, we thought, all done. I couldn't argue the point because I had been on hold so long I was now in danger of being late to pick up Jas on her first day - and I was 5 mins late which she pointed out but she was fine.
Later I got a series of emails from them confirming setting up Internet with 10-20 business days wait time, so it was obviously all ready to go but they didn't click the final approval button or something. So annoying.
In the car on the way home Jasmine mentioned she needed a pair of compasses for maths the next day. So it was back to the shops before we got to go home.
The next thing was an email from our conveyancing solicitor in Canberra, they couldn't settle on selling our house because there was one form not completed by us. How had they not sent us this
form, and how had they not noticed until the day of settlement! It was supposed to all happen yesterday, and now it didn't. So frustrating. And I could receive emails on my phone but not send them, and I certainly couldn't print out the form.
We went back to the library, couldn't get anything working, frantic calls to Tim who of course just started in that office and didn't have a printer set up yet, gave up and home again, more calls, back to the library, finally managed to get the document sent to Tim who was able to print it out.
Home, started dinner at a time we are usually eating it, stopped cooking to pick up Tim from the station (about 10 mins drive each way), finished cooking, collapsed. This morning we got Ping to witness the form and I sent it off by Express Post. Several days delay on the buyers getting their house and us getting our money, due to our lawyers incompetence.
Oh, and can I rant about Foxtel? We got it just to watch Game of Thrones and then cancelled, which rather annoyingly you have to do over the phone, not easily via Internet. Billed the following month, cancelled again, got money refunded. Billed next month, rang yet again to cancel! Got money
refunded. Is it over yet? Apparently not. We got a letter yesterday saying that now that we'd cancelled
the service, we had to give back their set top box or be charged $300. But we never got a set top box! We had Foxtel play, which you stream though the Internet. How can their records not show that? Any chance of getting Tim as a return customer went from low to an infinitely negative number.
So yesterday afternoon was pretty horrible. I was stressed and snappy.
Today was Aiden's actual birthday so we started the day with presents in bed. So glad I bought them all weeks ago.
I dropped Jasmine at school in the car then parked back at home and walked Aiden up to his school which is close, maybe 10 mins walk. Handed him over and bought some second hand clothes at their uniform shop to supplement the new outfit I bought yesterday. Walked home, drove up to the post office to Express Post that document, came to the library and spent about an hour and a half typing this. And now we're up to date with my life.
I have lost a little weight with all the work and not eating as much, trying to stay away from the junk food since I got a kitchen. I plan to join the gym at some point but for the moment I have as much physical activity as I can deal with.
And now to catch up on everyone else's blogs! Then lunch, and more unpacking.
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Stress
Tuesday:
I'm having a really hard time with stress. I feel anxious and a bit nauseous a lot of the time. Only 48 hours to go now before we auction our house. I'm scared it won't sell, or not for a good price. We have timed it with impeccable bad luck. We bought right at the peak of an 18 month housing bubble, and now a couple of weeks later things have slowed down as a million people have chosen Spring to put their house on the market. It's gone from over 90% clearance rate (how many sell) to under 70%. So I'm feeling very worried and my body is reacting to the constant stress.
Today was another hot day, we're actually having a heat wave here that is supposed to end tomorrow, so I chose the indoor activity of going to see a movie, something we hadn't done yet these holidays. We saw "Oddball" which is the true story of a naughty dog who ends up a hero protecting endangered fairy penguins (the littlest penguins) from foxes on a tiny island off the coast of Australia. It is a kid's movie, and mine loved it. I am always surprised when they enjoy happy little films like this rather than big budget animation (which they also like).
Another house-cleaning session (did I mention I am over it?) that ended in a bit of disaster. The kids had helped clean but were having a short computer session before we were kicked out of our own home again. Aiden was watching something he found so hilarious and distracting on YouTube that he wet his pants laughing so hard. Did I say wet his pants? More accurately, wet the carpet like a un-trained puppy. Big puddle. Ten minutes before people were coming to look over our house again. So that was fun.
We went to the library which had just shut for the day so we sat in the park. It was nice in the shade, late in the day. The kids rolled down grassy hills and only later remembered that this always made them both horribly itchy. So they did a bit of tree-climbing. I couldn't face cooking so I picked up a couple of pizzas (proper ones) and came home.
Only four people through the house tonight, with three having been through before. A good sign, that they were interested enough to come back. I think quite a few people are coming to the auction, whether they bid or not (or bid high enough) remains to be seen.
I'm having a really hard time with stress. I feel anxious and a bit nauseous a lot of the time. Only 48 hours to go now before we auction our house. I'm scared it won't sell, or not for a good price. We have timed it with impeccable bad luck. We bought right at the peak of an 18 month housing bubble, and now a couple of weeks later things have slowed down as a million people have chosen Spring to put their house on the market. It's gone from over 90% clearance rate (how many sell) to under 70%. So I'm feeling very worried and my body is reacting to the constant stress.
Today was another hot day, we're actually having a heat wave here that is supposed to end tomorrow, so I chose the indoor activity of going to see a movie, something we hadn't done yet these holidays. We saw "Oddball" which is the true story of a naughty dog who ends up a hero protecting endangered fairy penguins (the littlest penguins) from foxes on a tiny island off the coast of Australia. It is a kid's movie, and mine loved it. I am always surprised when they enjoy happy little films like this rather than big budget animation (which they also like).
Another house-cleaning session (did I mention I am over it?) that ended in a bit of disaster. The kids had helped clean but were having a short computer session before we were kicked out of our own home again. Aiden was watching something he found so hilarious and distracting on YouTube that he wet his pants laughing so hard. Did I say wet his pants? More accurately, wet the carpet like a un-trained puppy. Big puddle. Ten minutes before people were coming to look over our house again. So that was fun.
We went to the library which had just shut for the day so we sat in the park. It was nice in the shade, late in the day. The kids rolled down grassy hills and only later remembered that this always made them both horribly itchy. So they did a bit of tree-climbing. I couldn't face cooking so I picked up a couple of pizzas (proper ones) and came home.
Only four people through the house tonight, with three having been through before. A good sign, that they were interested enough to come back. I think quite a few people are coming to the auction, whether they bid or not (or bid high enough) remains to be seen.
Thursday, September 17, 2015
Contract
Thursday:
What a frustrating morning. I was waiting for final, very important documents before we sign and exchange contracts on this house and pay a deposit (after that, they can't sell it to someone else even if they make a better offer). No internet access until 11:20 - and then it still hadn't arrived! Also I was trying to print out the 35 page contract and my printer got all stubborn. You know what that can be like. Chewed pages, running out of ink, anything it could think of piss me off. I ended up feeding in one sheet of paper at a time.
My stress levels are just so high at the moment. I had a look at that chart that ranks stressful life events, and what with both my parents dying and moving house and a few other things my score was approaching the dangerous level that is shown to cause illness. Ah well, all I can do is push on with things.
Jasmine is feeling a bit sad because her classmates are organising the Yr 6 graduation and she won't be here. A few people are surprised we are moving so close to the end of the school year (I think there will be 7 weeks left when we go) but I don't want to split the household and have Tim in Sydney by himself. Three months was the longest we could stretch to organise this move. I hope she makes friends quickly in the new school and feels part of that when she graduates. I must say, the whole "graduation from primary school" seems a bit odd to me, I'm sure they didn't have that when I was at school, or not such a big thing. It's not like anyone fails primary school.
We had our first open house last night. The information wasn't up on the internet's real estate pages yet, but the agent knew some people who were looking in this area and invited them along. We were out at Jasmine's dance lesson (the agent always recommends the owner isn't there) but I felt nervous the whole time. I've had dreams about frantically trying to tidy a filthy house while people crowd outside waiting to come in!
Two doors down from us are coincidentally also selling their house, and my daughter noticed their ad. on the internet yesterday afternoon. Their auction was exactly the same date and time as ours! I quickly called my agent and he has changed ours. We don't want people to have to choose which one to come to! Only one person can buy each house, so you want the rest to come to the other auction. Ours will be first. Their house is a little smaller but recently renovated. I am really happy with the pictures of ours, it looks great.
Funny thing happened today. I had a plumber here for a minor job and he mentioned that it was a nice-looking house. I jokingly said it was on the market if he was interested - and he was! I showed him around a bit and he might be back for an open house, he seemed to think it suited his family. Or he might have been just being polite.
Our agent called and someone who saw the house at the pre-showing last night wants to bring her husband to see it but they can't come on the weekend, so we organised a time. That sounds promising. We wouldn't be averse to an offer before auction - but we don't really want to leave this house before having somewhere to move to!
In the end, got those important documents just after 4pm. Signed the contract for the house and dropped it, plus the deposit, off at the solicitor. It's not final until the contracts have been "exchanged" and our lawyer has their signed copy, I doubt that will be before Monday. So still a bit more stressful waiting. Oh, and I can stress that our bank will suddenly decide not to lend us the money, and we'll lose our deposit. Not likely, but it's another thing to keep me awake at night.
Lets have a report card check.
Diet: Terrible. This is possibly the worst I've eaten in my life. Take-away several times a week and junk snacks in between.
Exercise: Terrible. No time to exercise. Or too stressed to make time. And I hurt my knee two weekends ago trudging up and down the driveway with things for the skip bin, and it's still a bit sore.
Water: Terrible. Yesterday I had three glasses of water and two cups of tea. Pretty standard at the moment.
Sleep: Terrible. I wake very early every morning and can't get back to sleep.
Mental health: Poor. I'm not absolutely unhappy, just very stressed.
So, my life is a bit topsy-turvy at the moment.
I had a blood test yesterday and there was that sign on the wall "Dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt, sing like no one is listening, live like it's your last day on earth." Sounds pretty, but I disagree with most of it! I prefer to dance and sing like I'm performing to a huge (adoring) audience. And if I knew it was my last day on earth I certainly wouldn't be "wasting" my time cleaning my house, waiting around for a plumber, or spending half the day on phone and email organising this home purchase. Planning for the future is just as important as living in the now. Well, I think so, anyway. If you didn't, you'd quickly run out of clean clothes for a start! How about "Live as if you're going to live for a thousand years." Therefore plan for the future, be careful with money and your relationships, but enjoy each day as well. Am I overthinking this?
What a frustrating morning. I was waiting for final, very important documents before we sign and exchange contracts on this house and pay a deposit (after that, they can't sell it to someone else even if they make a better offer). No internet access until 11:20 - and then it still hadn't arrived! Also I was trying to print out the 35 page contract and my printer got all stubborn. You know what that can be like. Chewed pages, running out of ink, anything it could think of piss me off. I ended up feeding in one sheet of paper at a time.
My stress levels are just so high at the moment. I had a look at that chart that ranks stressful life events, and what with both my parents dying and moving house and a few other things my score was approaching the dangerous level that is shown to cause illness. Ah well, all I can do is push on with things.
Jasmine is feeling a bit sad because her classmates are organising the Yr 6 graduation and she won't be here. A few people are surprised we are moving so close to the end of the school year (I think there will be 7 weeks left when we go) but I don't want to split the household and have Tim in Sydney by himself. Three months was the longest we could stretch to organise this move. I hope she makes friends quickly in the new school and feels part of that when she graduates. I must say, the whole "graduation from primary school" seems a bit odd to me, I'm sure they didn't have that when I was at school, or not such a big thing. It's not like anyone fails primary school.
We had our first open house last night. The information wasn't up on the internet's real estate pages yet, but the agent knew some people who were looking in this area and invited them along. We were out at Jasmine's dance lesson (the agent always recommends the owner isn't there) but I felt nervous the whole time. I've had dreams about frantically trying to tidy a filthy house while people crowd outside waiting to come in!
Two doors down from us are coincidentally also selling their house, and my daughter noticed their ad. on the internet yesterday afternoon. Their auction was exactly the same date and time as ours! I quickly called my agent and he has changed ours. We don't want people to have to choose which one to come to! Only one person can buy each house, so you want the rest to come to the other auction. Ours will be first. Their house is a little smaller but recently renovated. I am really happy with the pictures of ours, it looks great.
Funny thing happened today. I had a plumber here for a minor job and he mentioned that it was a nice-looking house. I jokingly said it was on the market if he was interested - and he was! I showed him around a bit and he might be back for an open house, he seemed to think it suited his family. Or he might have been just being polite.
Our agent called and someone who saw the house at the pre-showing last night wants to bring her husband to see it but they can't come on the weekend, so we organised a time. That sounds promising. We wouldn't be averse to an offer before auction - but we don't really want to leave this house before having somewhere to move to!
In the end, got those important documents just after 4pm. Signed the contract for the house and dropped it, plus the deposit, off at the solicitor. It's not final until the contracts have been "exchanged" and our lawyer has their signed copy, I doubt that will be before Monday. So still a bit more stressful waiting. Oh, and I can stress that our bank will suddenly decide not to lend us the money, and we'll lose our deposit. Not likely, but it's another thing to keep me awake at night.
Lets have a report card check.
Diet: Terrible. This is possibly the worst I've eaten in my life. Take-away several times a week and junk snacks in between.
Exercise: Terrible. No time to exercise. Or too stressed to make time. And I hurt my knee two weekends ago trudging up and down the driveway with things for the skip bin, and it's still a bit sore.
Water: Terrible. Yesterday I had three glasses of water and two cups of tea. Pretty standard at the moment.
Sleep: Terrible. I wake very early every morning and can't get back to sleep.
Mental health: Poor. I'm not absolutely unhappy, just very stressed.
So, my life is a bit topsy-turvy at the moment.
I had a blood test yesterday and there was that sign on the wall "Dance like no one is watching, love like you've never been hurt, sing like no one is listening, live like it's your last day on earth." Sounds pretty, but I disagree with most of it! I prefer to dance and sing like I'm performing to a huge (adoring) audience. And if I knew it was my last day on earth I certainly wouldn't be "wasting" my time cleaning my house, waiting around for a plumber, or spending half the day on phone and email organising this home purchase. Planning for the future is just as important as living in the now. Well, I think so, anyway. If you didn't, you'd quickly run out of clean clothes for a start! How about "Live as if you're going to live for a thousand years." Therefore plan for the future, be careful with money and your relationships, but enjoy each day as well. Am I overthinking this?
Wednesday, June 10, 2015
One step forward
Wednesday:
Tim has an interview for that job in Norfolk Island! So things are moving forward, slowly. It's not until next week. Which will leave exactly two more weeks before the proposed start date! And he presumably won't even be told on that day, they have to do all the paperwork, and then he has to give some notice to his current work if he gets this job, and I just can't imagine how they expect someone to start on 1 July. That was the date on the job description, but maybe it's going to be put back. We are trying to be as ready as we can be, just in case, but moving a couple of thousand kilometres with less than two weeks notice? Insane.
This morning I was lying awake stressing that we're not ready to start packing yet; until the studio floor is put down and our curtains are replaced and the handyman has been next week, we don't have anywhere to put packing boxes. All these people need access to various bits of the house so we can't clutter it up with boxes. But now I realise that all this stuff will likely be done before we hear about the job anyway! Everything except the curtains is now organised for next week, which is great. I'm trying not to stress too much, it's difficult.
The really good part of all this is that it's forced me to stop procrastinating and get all these things done!
I always put off buying new jeans (and most other clothes) for a long as possible because I always hope I will lose some weight and go down a size first. But both my blue and black jeans are starting to give at the seams, and they are basically what I wear every day, so today I went and bought two new pairs. I don't actually have them yet, I always have to get them taken up because I am short. But I did all the trying on and choosing and paying for bit, and they will be ready in a couple of days. Sigh. Maybe next time I can go down a size.
I made myself go out for a short walk today. I forgot to mail a letter when I was out shopping, so I walked to the nearest post box, about a 15 min round trip. It's a start. Then I had a nap. I've been trying not to nap because I worry I'll sleep even worse at night, but the past two days I've been unable to resist. Less than an hour each time, because my children get home from school.
I'm writing this on my iPad because my computer has stopped working, blinking off as soon as it turns on. Ironically, the TV was doing the same thing until we threatened it with the repair shop. I still have to thump it a couple of times some days. I haven't tried thumping my computer yet.
Report card:
Diet: Ok. Better.
Exercise: Ok. A short walk, and with shopping I'm nearly to 9,000 steps.
Water: Ok.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Better than yesterday! I've very excited that at least we have an interview.
Tim has an interview for that job in Norfolk Island! So things are moving forward, slowly. It's not until next week. Which will leave exactly two more weeks before the proposed start date! And he presumably won't even be told on that day, they have to do all the paperwork, and then he has to give some notice to his current work if he gets this job, and I just can't imagine how they expect someone to start on 1 July. That was the date on the job description, but maybe it's going to be put back. We are trying to be as ready as we can be, just in case, but moving a couple of thousand kilometres with less than two weeks notice? Insane.
This morning I was lying awake stressing that we're not ready to start packing yet; until the studio floor is put down and our curtains are replaced and the handyman has been next week, we don't have anywhere to put packing boxes. All these people need access to various bits of the house so we can't clutter it up with boxes. But now I realise that all this stuff will likely be done before we hear about the job anyway! Everything except the curtains is now organised for next week, which is great. I'm trying not to stress too much, it's difficult.
The really good part of all this is that it's forced me to stop procrastinating and get all these things done!
I always put off buying new jeans (and most other clothes) for a long as possible because I always hope I will lose some weight and go down a size first. But both my blue and black jeans are starting to give at the seams, and they are basically what I wear every day, so today I went and bought two new pairs. I don't actually have them yet, I always have to get them taken up because I am short. But I did all the trying on and choosing and paying for bit, and they will be ready in a couple of days. Sigh. Maybe next time I can go down a size.
I made myself go out for a short walk today. I forgot to mail a letter when I was out shopping, so I walked to the nearest post box, about a 15 min round trip. It's a start. Then I had a nap. I've been trying not to nap because I worry I'll sleep even worse at night, but the past two days I've been unable to resist. Less than an hour each time, because my children get home from school.
I'm writing this on my iPad because my computer has stopped working, blinking off as soon as it turns on. Ironically, the TV was doing the same thing until we threatened it with the repair shop. I still have to thump it a couple of times some days. I haven't tried thumping my computer yet.
Report card:
Diet: Ok. Better.
Exercise: Ok. A short walk, and with shopping I'm nearly to 9,000 steps.
Water: Ok.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: Mostly good.
Better than yesterday! I've very excited that at least we have an interview.
Friday, May 22, 2015
Long day
Friday:
Today I feel stressed and sick and overwhelmed. My dad, my shoulder, fixing up the house, maybe moving, and a party we're hosting this weekend.
The party is just a few people coming over to watch the Eurovision final together. They are mainly my husband's friends although I have met them all, not a large group. But I'm not really feeling like hosting any kind of party at the moment. And also our TV is having some serious problems so I'm not even confident that we will have a working television on Sunday night! I'm getting it sent to a repairer next week but it was too late to get it done for the weekend.
My husband and I are very well suited but there is one way in which we clash. I am very much a organiser who plans well in advance, he is an inveterate procrastinator who does things at the last minute. This covers all aspects of life; from driving, where I will change lanes as soon as I know there is a turn coming up even if it is 5 km away whereas he will get in the correct lane at the last possible moment; to paying bills which I would pay as soon as we get them but he pays on the due date so we get interest on our own money as long as possible; to things like this potential move to Norfolk Island where I am already preparing the house for tenants and washing old furniture to give to charities but I know Tim won't even apply for the job until 2 minutes to midnight on the final day. And it is giving me a stomach ulcer. I find it incredibly stressful. I hate his procrastinating, I assume he hates my nagging. He'll get it done before the deadline, so what is the problem?
Anyway, he called them today and found out a little bit about the job but the other guy was off to a meeting and will talk to him again next week, so we don't know anything new really.
So much in my life I have no control over. I need to learn to manage stress better.
I got a knock at the door this morning and it was a couple of glaziers (windows) which was confusing and I thought at first they must be at the wrong house, I certainly wasn't expecting them. But it turns out the handyman sent them to look at something. I'm not actually sure they were the right people for the job, the glass isn't actually broken. They were going to go back and talk to their boss about what needs to be done and if they can do it.
I got a call from the hospital but it was from home help people which was kind of weird since the guy seemed to agree that dad wasn't going home any time soon. But he was asking me questions about whether there were any stairs in dad's house, whether Wendy was able to look after him at home etc. Questions about the level of care needed were very difficult to answer because I don't know how well he would have to be before they send him home. He said he had talked to dad first but dad seemed a bit confused. It's worrying if he was unable to answer questions about his house; but maybe, like me, he just didn't know the answers to some of it. But everyone who speaks to him now mentions his confused state of mind.
At least the day ended well. Got home cold after my daughter's dance lesson to a lovely casserole keeping warm in the oven, and then an evening of watching the first Eurovision semifinal.
Today I feel stressed and sick and overwhelmed. My dad, my shoulder, fixing up the house, maybe moving, and a party we're hosting this weekend.
The party is just a few people coming over to watch the Eurovision final together. They are mainly my husband's friends although I have met them all, not a large group. But I'm not really feeling like hosting any kind of party at the moment. And also our TV is having some serious problems so I'm not even confident that we will have a working television on Sunday night! I'm getting it sent to a repairer next week but it was too late to get it done for the weekend.
My husband and I are very well suited but there is one way in which we clash. I am very much a organiser who plans well in advance, he is an inveterate procrastinator who does things at the last minute. This covers all aspects of life; from driving, where I will change lanes as soon as I know there is a turn coming up even if it is 5 km away whereas he will get in the correct lane at the last possible moment; to paying bills which I would pay as soon as we get them but he pays on the due date so we get interest on our own money as long as possible; to things like this potential move to Norfolk Island where I am already preparing the house for tenants and washing old furniture to give to charities but I know Tim won't even apply for the job until 2 minutes to midnight on the final day. And it is giving me a stomach ulcer. I find it incredibly stressful. I hate his procrastinating, I assume he hates my nagging. He'll get it done before the deadline, so what is the problem?
Anyway, he called them today and found out a little bit about the job but the other guy was off to a meeting and will talk to him again next week, so we don't know anything new really.
So much in my life I have no control over. I need to learn to manage stress better.
I got a knock at the door this morning and it was a couple of glaziers (windows) which was confusing and I thought at first they must be at the wrong house, I certainly wasn't expecting them. But it turns out the handyman sent them to look at something. I'm not actually sure they were the right people for the job, the glass isn't actually broken. They were going to go back and talk to their boss about what needs to be done and if they can do it.
I got a call from the hospital but it was from home help people which was kind of weird since the guy seemed to agree that dad wasn't going home any time soon. But he was asking me questions about whether there were any stairs in dad's house, whether Wendy was able to look after him at home etc. Questions about the level of care needed were very difficult to answer because I don't know how well he would have to be before they send him home. He said he had talked to dad first but dad seemed a bit confused. It's worrying if he was unable to answer questions about his house; but maybe, like me, he just didn't know the answers to some of it. But everyone who speaks to him now mentions his confused state of mind.
At least the day ended well. Got home cold after my daughter's dance lesson to a lovely casserole keeping warm in the oven, and then an evening of watching the first Eurovision semifinal.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
Being assertive
Thursday:
Another day of talking to tradesmen, doing housework, and cleaning up furniture and sorting stuff to give to charity or throw away (whether or not we got to Norfolk). It's a good incentive to get some of this stuff done but it is keeping me very busy!
I'm still feeling very churned up inside from an incident this afternoon. I am so bad with confrontation, and I'm amazed I didn't run away from it! We were at the hairdresser getting Aiden's hair cut, and there was a display of make up in the reception area. Jasmine looked at a "tester" of eye-shadow or something, opened the lid to look at the colour, then closed it again. A staff member, an older lady, came over and told her not to open the cases because the make up would get contaminated and repeated several times not to do it again. I thought she was quite rude and unnecessarily lengthy and pointed about it and I confronted her by mentioning it was a tester. She explained to me (aggressively) that I wouldn't want contaminated make up on my face and she wouldn't be able to sell it once it had been opened so I shouldn't let my daughter meddle with it. I (outwardly calmly) said that it was labelled as a tester so it wasn't for sale and also that she wouldn't have spoken like she spoke to my daughter if it was to an adult (I was totally wrong there as she was talking to me that way as well!). She acted like I was being completely unreasonable and ruining her display and walked away. And I said "piss off" quietly but not caring if she heard. I suppose what I really meant was "bitch". And I considered leaving because I was so worked up but decided not to because I like the rest of the hairdressers there. It just make me so mad that she spoke to my extremely well behaved and polite (and shy) daughter like that. And then I spent the next half an hour feeling totally nauseated from stress! But I'm kind of proud of myself that I politely defended my daughter who had done nothing wrong, even though that was really hard for me.
For some reason I'm doing really badly with my water intake. I don't think I've got to 8 glasses for a week. My plants on the Plant Nanny app keep dying. I'll work harder on that tomorrow.
Another day of talking to tradesmen, doing housework, and cleaning up furniture and sorting stuff to give to charity or throw away (whether or not we got to Norfolk). It's a good incentive to get some of this stuff done but it is keeping me very busy!
I'm still feeling very churned up inside from an incident this afternoon. I am so bad with confrontation, and I'm amazed I didn't run away from it! We were at the hairdresser getting Aiden's hair cut, and there was a display of make up in the reception area. Jasmine looked at a "tester" of eye-shadow or something, opened the lid to look at the colour, then closed it again. A staff member, an older lady, came over and told her not to open the cases because the make up would get contaminated and repeated several times not to do it again. I thought she was quite rude and unnecessarily lengthy and pointed about it and I confronted her by mentioning it was a tester. She explained to me (aggressively) that I wouldn't want contaminated make up on my face and she wouldn't be able to sell it once it had been opened so I shouldn't let my daughter meddle with it. I (outwardly calmly) said that it was labelled as a tester so it wasn't for sale and also that she wouldn't have spoken like she spoke to my daughter if it was to an adult (I was totally wrong there as she was talking to me that way as well!). She acted like I was being completely unreasonable and ruining her display and walked away. And I said "piss off" quietly but not caring if she heard. I suppose what I really meant was "bitch". And I considered leaving because I was so worked up but decided not to because I like the rest of the hairdressers there. It just make me so mad that she spoke to my extremely well behaved and polite (and shy) daughter like that. And then I spent the next half an hour feeling totally nauseated from stress! But I'm kind of proud of myself that I politely defended my daughter who had done nothing wrong, even though that was really hard for me.
For some reason I'm doing really badly with my water intake. I don't think I've got to 8 glasses for a week. My plants on the Plant Nanny app keep dying. I'll work harder on that tomorrow.
Thursday, May 14, 2015
Day #16,387
Thursday:
Today is my 16,387th day alive, or at least out of the womb. New record for me! Go Natalie! Keep it up!
I really struggle when I have a lot of stress happening. Not just with sticking to my weight-loss plan, but with everything. It's like worry takes up all the available space in my brain and there just isn't any room for anything else. I have lots to do, but there is this wall blocking me; I can't do X because I'm too busy worrying. But I'm pushing on, and trying not to make it an excuse. Not very successfully, perhaps. My food hasn't been great. Nor anything else, really. Hard days.
A couple of weeks ago our car made weird noises a few times. I put it in for a service and they couldn't find what was wrong or replicate the noise. But yesterday it made the very loud worrying whirring noise nearly every time I started the car - it stopped when I switched the engine off then on again - and I think there is a slight burning smell as well. Very worrying, especially with the travelling we have to do. I'm taking it back to the mechanic tomorrow. I took my phone out to the car this morning and it made the noise one time out of three starts, but the mechanic couldn't really hear it well. He said he'll just try starting it frequently throughout the day tomorrow until it does it. I really need my car in working order right now!
Australia is about the same size as North America but less than a tenth the population. There are huge empty stretches of land between all the cities and towns. And we are heading out to the real "sticks" (country), dad's town has I think a population of 120 people (we're staying in a bigger town nearby - both the little and the big towns have streets with my maiden name because my family has lived around there for a while). Not a good place to break down. If they can't fix the car tomorrow we might have to think about hiring one for the weekend.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
Today is my 16,387th day alive, or at least out of the womb. New record for me! Go Natalie! Keep it up!
I really struggle when I have a lot of stress happening. Not just with sticking to my weight-loss plan, but with everything. It's like worry takes up all the available space in my brain and there just isn't any room for anything else. I have lots to do, but there is this wall blocking me; I can't do X because I'm too busy worrying. But I'm pushing on, and trying not to make it an excuse. Not very successfully, perhaps. My food hasn't been great. Nor anything else, really. Hard days.
A couple of weeks ago our car made weird noises a few times. I put it in for a service and they couldn't find what was wrong or replicate the noise. But yesterday it made the very loud worrying whirring noise nearly every time I started the car - it stopped when I switched the engine off then on again - and I think there is a slight burning smell as well. Very worrying, especially with the travelling we have to do. I'm taking it back to the mechanic tomorrow. I took my phone out to the car this morning and it made the noise one time out of three starts, but the mechanic couldn't really hear it well. He said he'll just try starting it frequently throughout the day tomorrow until it does it. I really need my car in working order right now!
Australia is about the same size as North America but less than a tenth the population. There are huge empty stretches of land between all the cities and towns. And we are heading out to the real "sticks" (country), dad's town has I think a population of 120 people (we're staying in a bigger town nearby - both the little and the big towns have streets with my maiden name because my family has lived around there for a while). Not a good place to break down. If they can't fix the car tomorrow we might have to think about hiring one for the weekend.
Hoping for a better day tomorrow.
Thursday, April 9, 2015
Bad choice
Thursday:
I spent the whole day finishing a project that was actually due yesterday. I tried to get up and move around regularly (my legs aren't nearly so sore today) and drink my water, but otherwise I just worked until dinner time. And got it done and sent off.
I'd eaten healthy up until then but I was suddenly craving fried chicken. Salt and fat! I really didn't want to cook, even though not cooking would mean going out to get something - arguably more work than cooking what I already had planned. Fried chicken was calling. Strangely, even though the late work was now finished, I had started feeling really stressed and uncomfortable. I wanted my favourite salt and fat to soothe me. So I gathered up the kids and went out and bought it and ate it. And felt better.
I'm a bit confused at the moment. I know it was a bad choice, and I should feel bad for giving in to my craving. But actually I felt bad before, and eating it made me feel good. So I should make myself feel bad again? That doesn't sound like it would help! So how should I be feeling?
And we know stress is really bad for us, right? I felt a lot less stress after I ate, so that is a good thing, right?
I know I'm not going to convince anyone (including myself) that it was a good choice. It's just really hard to feel guilty when I am actually feeling very content. I didn't overeat, I had two pieces and a few chips. But it was unhealthy, I know.
If this was sugar people would say it's because I am addicted and fed my addiction. Can you be addicted to fat and salt? My comfort foods/trigger foods always contain these elements. Chips, cheezles, Doritos, fried chicken, hot chips. Crunchy is best.
Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Bad, then good.
I spent the whole day finishing a project that was actually due yesterday. I tried to get up and move around regularly (my legs aren't nearly so sore today) and drink my water, but otherwise I just worked until dinner time. And got it done and sent off.
I'd eaten healthy up until then but I was suddenly craving fried chicken. Salt and fat! I really didn't want to cook, even though not cooking would mean going out to get something - arguably more work than cooking what I already had planned. Fried chicken was calling. Strangely, even though the late work was now finished, I had started feeling really stressed and uncomfortable. I wanted my favourite salt and fat to soothe me. So I gathered up the kids and went out and bought it and ate it. And felt better.
I'm a bit confused at the moment. I know it was a bad choice, and I should feel bad for giving in to my craving. But actually I felt bad before, and eating it made me feel good. So I should make myself feel bad again? That doesn't sound like it would help! So how should I be feeling?
And we know stress is really bad for us, right? I felt a lot less stress after I ate, so that is a good thing, right?
I know I'm not going to convince anyone (including myself) that it was a good choice. It's just really hard to feel guilty when I am actually feeling very content. I didn't overeat, I had two pieces and a few chips. But it was unhealthy, I know.
If this was sugar people would say it's because I am addicted and fed my addiction. Can you be addicted to fat and salt? My comfort foods/trigger foods always contain these elements. Chips, cheezles, Doritos, fried chicken, hot chips. Crunchy is best.
Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Great.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Bad, then good.
Friday, March 13, 2015
A bit sad
Friday:
Woke up today feeling stressed and depressed. Are we really thinking of borrowing a lot of money just when we've finally paid off our house? And all the stress and bother of moving house, new job, new schools, preparing old house for sale? And my novel needs a lot of revision, why did I ever think it was any good? And this whole losing weight thing, obviously I am a failure at that. My weight went up last weekend and is only a bit down from then - still high above my last weigh-in so I have to get rid of that extra weight before even starting on the "virgin weight". With two busy weekends full of temptations coming up. Why is life so difficult and scary and stressful? So that is how I started the day. Probably just a reaction to a couple of days of adrenalin.
And then I logged on and found that Terry Pratchett had died, which is really sad. He was a fantastic British comedic fantasy author (with lots of social commentary in his comedy) who the world had already kind of lost as an author several years ago due to early onset Alzheimer's. He was only 66 when he died. I have at least 30 books of his and I've been reading them since my early teens when I discovered him as an author, he's probably published one a year since then, until recently.
And then on my facebook stream I saw a clip from an upcoming episode of The Big Bang Theory which is about the death of Howard's mother (the actress recently died in real life) so you can imagine how the whole "mother death" impacted me today. I should have just stayed in bed.
I got out of the house, went out and did some essential shopping, like for my niece's second birthday party this weekend. I got books. I love giving books. Started feeling a bit better.
Came home and started re-reading one of my favourite Terry Pratchett books in memory of him while I had lunch.
Then got a phone call from probably the same people who scammed me last year about my computer, or another group who do the same thing. Of course this time I just made some loud obnoxious noises into the phone and hung up, but it gave me some bad stress flashbacks about last time when they actually got details from me and I had wipe my computer and change my credit cards (they didn't get any money, but it was scary).
I just noticed it's Friday the 13th. Ha. I don't believe in the power of a date, but when I worked in the public service the mentally unbalanced people really did seem to be affected by full moons, there were a lot more incidents during those two or three days. I guess if the moon cycle can affect something as big as the ocean, with tides, why not the human brain?
So, anyway, nothing terrible has happened to me today but I just feel down and everything is reminding me about the sadder side of life. I feel overwhelmed and tired. Hopefully better tomorrow.
Report card:
All poor.
Woke up today feeling stressed and depressed. Are we really thinking of borrowing a lot of money just when we've finally paid off our house? And all the stress and bother of moving house, new job, new schools, preparing old house for sale? And my novel needs a lot of revision, why did I ever think it was any good? And this whole losing weight thing, obviously I am a failure at that. My weight went up last weekend and is only a bit down from then - still high above my last weigh-in so I have to get rid of that extra weight before even starting on the "virgin weight". With two busy weekends full of temptations coming up. Why is life so difficult and scary and stressful? So that is how I started the day. Probably just a reaction to a couple of days of adrenalin.
And then I logged on and found that Terry Pratchett had died, which is really sad. He was a fantastic British comedic fantasy author (with lots of social commentary in his comedy) who the world had already kind of lost as an author several years ago due to early onset Alzheimer's. He was only 66 when he died. I have at least 30 books of his and I've been reading them since my early teens when I discovered him as an author, he's probably published one a year since then, until recently.
And then on my facebook stream I saw a clip from an upcoming episode of The Big Bang Theory which is about the death of Howard's mother (the actress recently died in real life) so you can imagine how the whole "mother death" impacted me today. I should have just stayed in bed.
I got out of the house, went out and did some essential shopping, like for my niece's second birthday party this weekend. I got books. I love giving books. Started feeling a bit better.
Came home and started re-reading one of my favourite Terry Pratchett books in memory of him while I had lunch.
Then got a phone call from probably the same people who scammed me last year about my computer, or another group who do the same thing. Of course this time I just made some loud obnoxious noises into the phone and hung up, but it gave me some bad stress flashbacks about last time when they actually got details from me and I had wipe my computer and change my credit cards (they didn't get any money, but it was scary).
I just noticed it's Friday the 13th. Ha. I don't believe in the power of a date, but when I worked in the public service the mentally unbalanced people really did seem to be affected by full moons, there were a lot more incidents during those two or three days. I guess if the moon cycle can affect something as big as the ocean, with tides, why not the human brain?
So, anyway, nothing terrible has happened to me today but I just feel down and everything is reminding me about the sadder side of life. I feel overwhelmed and tired. Hopefully better tomorrow.
Report card:
All poor.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Drama
Wednesday:
Maybe it's because it is the end of the school year (two and a half weeks to go) or the heat or I don't know, but everyone seems on edge and cranky at the moment. My daughter's group of friends are fighting all the time and she is often in tears about it, sometimes in the middle of the night. The mother of one of my son's friends texted me this afternoon about her son being excluded from that group and I had to try to sort that out with my distraught eight year old who was already upset because...
I made my own contribution to the drama today. My children usually walk home by themselves (together) but I generally pick them up if it is raining hard. Today I didn't have the car and there was a big thunderstorm an hour before the end of school - the sky went really dark really quickly. It was still pouring rain when they got out of school and I was pretty sure they only had one umbrella between them. So I walked up to the school with a couple of extras. The pavement was running with water and I got pretty wet even with an umbrella. I got up near the school and I could see the two of them starting to cross the oval (a bad idea in the rain). I was separated from them by the fence but I called and waved and walked parallel to them towards home. They didn't see me, and after a while turned back towards the school. I assumed they decided against more wet long grass and that they would come along the path where I was. I headed towards the school again. And around the school. And couldn't find them. And got wetter. I couldn't work out how they could have got past me unless they went some very long weird way home. I stomped home crankily. To find them there and waiting, banging on the door, having got a lift with a (trusted) friend.
From their point of view they had done nothing wrong at all. But I was wet and cross and so frustrated because I had seen them and called and waved and they had turned back and made me chase them and I had that walk for nothing. If I was the kind of person who swears, I would have been swearing. I think I went so far as to grump "Why the hell did you..." etc. Like it was all their fault. Then I went and lay on my bed and felt like crying; angry and frustrated and guilty.
My son came for cuddles to be reassured but my daughter just ignored me until I started acting normally. A good move.
My only excuse is being worried about my mother. She saw her oncologist yesterday but warned me in advance she would need to sleep the rest of the day when she got home and wouldn't call me until today. This morning I tried to call her a few times but she didn't answer the phone even though there is one right beside her bed. Was she too sick to even answer the phone? Not likely she would be out somewhere, she could hardly get out of bed two days ago. She finally called me back, it turns out she was out, getting the fluid drained from her abdomen. Six and a half litres of fluid! No wonder she looked pregnant and was so uncomfortable. They have to analyse it, don't know if it was caused by her medication or the cancer itself. Now she's just got the discomfort of her internal organs moving back into their correct positions after being forced out of place by the fluid.
Everything just feels stressful and horrible today.
Maybe it's because it is the end of the school year (two and a half weeks to go) or the heat or I don't know, but everyone seems on edge and cranky at the moment. My daughter's group of friends are fighting all the time and she is often in tears about it, sometimes in the middle of the night. The mother of one of my son's friends texted me this afternoon about her son being excluded from that group and I had to try to sort that out with my distraught eight year old who was already upset because...
I made my own contribution to the drama today. My children usually walk home by themselves (together) but I generally pick them up if it is raining hard. Today I didn't have the car and there was a big thunderstorm an hour before the end of school - the sky went really dark really quickly. It was still pouring rain when they got out of school and I was pretty sure they only had one umbrella between them. So I walked up to the school with a couple of extras. The pavement was running with water and I got pretty wet even with an umbrella. I got up near the school and I could see the two of them starting to cross the oval (a bad idea in the rain). I was separated from them by the fence but I called and waved and walked parallel to them towards home. They didn't see me, and after a while turned back towards the school. I assumed they decided against more wet long grass and that they would come along the path where I was. I headed towards the school again. And around the school. And couldn't find them. And got wetter. I couldn't work out how they could have got past me unless they went some very long weird way home. I stomped home crankily. To find them there and waiting, banging on the door, having got a lift with a (trusted) friend.
From their point of view they had done nothing wrong at all. But I was wet and cross and so frustrated because I had seen them and called and waved and they had turned back and made me chase them and I had that walk for nothing. If I was the kind of person who swears, I would have been swearing. I think I went so far as to grump "Why the hell did you..." etc. Like it was all their fault. Then I went and lay on my bed and felt like crying; angry and frustrated and guilty.
My son came for cuddles to be reassured but my daughter just ignored me until I started acting normally. A good move.
My only excuse is being worried about my mother. She saw her oncologist yesterday but warned me in advance she would need to sleep the rest of the day when she got home and wouldn't call me until today. This morning I tried to call her a few times but she didn't answer the phone even though there is one right beside her bed. Was she too sick to even answer the phone? Not likely she would be out somewhere, she could hardly get out of bed two days ago. She finally called me back, it turns out she was out, getting the fluid drained from her abdomen. Six and a half litres of fluid! No wonder she looked pregnant and was so uncomfortable. They have to analyse it, don't know if it was caused by her medication or the cancer itself. Now she's just got the discomfort of her internal organs moving back into their correct positions after being forced out of place by the fluid.
Everything just feels stressful and horrible today.
Monday, August 19, 2013
Do I really want to see my behind on TV?
Tuesday:
This morning I went to the local shopping centre for my appointment with my doctor. As I was getting out of the car I noticed a guy with what looked like a small TV camera on his shoulder, but all black with no branding or channel. Over in the next aisle of cars was a sound man and some other people, calling back and forth about 'wait one minute', 'ok, ready,' etc. My first guess was it was an advertisement, then an amateur movie or stunt for YouTube.
Then they filmed a young couple running from their car to the shops and the woman had a row of shopping bags over her arm, all branded MKR! My Kitchen Rules is a cooking show where each pair of contestants (a couple, or a brother/sister team, or best friends, or any other combination really) hosts a dinner party for all the other contestants. One pair from each Australian state, plus a couple of celebrity chef judges. It means cooking a fancy three course meal for a dozen or more people, a real strain on a home kitchen.
Obviously they were shooting for the upcoming season. The contestants only get one day to prepare (apparently they have to submit a few menu options and they only get told which one they are doing that morning) so they have to shop, decorate the dining area, prep and cook everything all in one day; and they are only allowed to start preparing the food three hours before people arrive. In previous seasons I've seen overconfident underprepared teams eventually serving dessert around midnight. It was about 9.20am when I saw them arrive, both outside and then inside the centre going into the sponsoring supermarket Coles.
I didn't want to spoil the shoot so I just went about my business as a casual bystander. If I do appear in the background, it is most likely of me walking away from them. So, wonderful, if any of me gets on TV it will be my butt. It was very exciting though. I love that show. Go team ACT!
I had my appointment with my doctor to discuss my pelvic exam. She is referring me to a gyno, just in case, but actually thinks my problems are most likely due to my low-dose pill not being strong enough. (I brought this up last visit but she wanted me to have the ultrasound first.) So I'm changing to a higher-dose pill and we'll see how that goes for a few months then see the gyno. She was not at all worried about the little nodule in my uterus, as I'm not having any pain from it.
I spent the rest of the morning shopping - picking up dry cleaning, socks and pjs for the kids. There were I few things I needed for myself but that didn't go well. My jeans split a month or more ago and I've been wearing my older "fat" pair that are men's jeans, a bit saggy at the crotch, and a size too big. I was determined to get some new ones today. But I went to my two favourite shops and tried everything on and nothing was even as good as the ones I had on! Either my stomach sagged or if it was reined in I had a huge muffin top, or if they fit at the waist then the crotch drooped. If they fit my thighs nicely, I couldn't zip them up.
I used to have an hourglass shape, a bit overweight but with womanly curves. Now I am just apple-shaped. It was very discouraging to not be able to find a pair of jeans that fit nicely.
I also tried on a sports bra, as mine all dig in painfully around the rib-band. The one I tried on was even worse, it was like a vice and left a welt after only being on 30 seconds. The assistant suggested an extender.
I'm starting to need an extender to get clothes to fit?
I've had some kind of stomach flu for a week so I haven't been exercising, but I have been eating. It's really cold so I've been craving salt and fat.
There have been other stresses, too. My husband has been unhappy at work for a while - and on medication for high blood pressure due to stress - and looking around for another job. Things have suddenly got worse so he really wants to get out and is willing to take a bit of a pay cut if it means a better work environment. But we might need to move house in a hurry, even to another state. I actually want to move, but it is a stressful situation all the same.
I need some other way to deal with stress, sadness, boredom, anger, happiness, tiredness etc than eating.
This morning I went to the local shopping centre for my appointment with my doctor. As I was getting out of the car I noticed a guy with what looked like a small TV camera on his shoulder, but all black with no branding or channel. Over in the next aisle of cars was a sound man and some other people, calling back and forth about 'wait one minute', 'ok, ready,' etc. My first guess was it was an advertisement, then an amateur movie or stunt for YouTube.
Then they filmed a young couple running from their car to the shops and the woman had a row of shopping bags over her arm, all branded MKR! My Kitchen Rules is a cooking show where each pair of contestants (a couple, or a brother/sister team, or best friends, or any other combination really) hosts a dinner party for all the other contestants. One pair from each Australian state, plus a couple of celebrity chef judges. It means cooking a fancy three course meal for a dozen or more people, a real strain on a home kitchen.
Obviously they were shooting for the upcoming season. The contestants only get one day to prepare (apparently they have to submit a few menu options and they only get told which one they are doing that morning) so they have to shop, decorate the dining area, prep and cook everything all in one day; and they are only allowed to start preparing the food three hours before people arrive. In previous seasons I've seen overconfident underprepared teams eventually serving dessert around midnight. It was about 9.20am when I saw them arrive, both outside and then inside the centre going into the sponsoring supermarket Coles.
I didn't want to spoil the shoot so I just went about my business as a casual bystander. If I do appear in the background, it is most likely of me walking away from them. So, wonderful, if any of me gets on TV it will be my butt. It was very exciting though. I love that show. Go team ACT!
I had my appointment with my doctor to discuss my pelvic exam. She is referring me to a gyno, just in case, but actually thinks my problems are most likely due to my low-dose pill not being strong enough. (I brought this up last visit but she wanted me to have the ultrasound first.) So I'm changing to a higher-dose pill and we'll see how that goes for a few months then see the gyno. She was not at all worried about the little nodule in my uterus, as I'm not having any pain from it.
I spent the rest of the morning shopping - picking up dry cleaning, socks and pjs for the kids. There were I few things I needed for myself but that didn't go well. My jeans split a month or more ago and I've been wearing my older "fat" pair that are men's jeans, a bit saggy at the crotch, and a size too big. I was determined to get some new ones today. But I went to my two favourite shops and tried everything on and nothing was even as good as the ones I had on! Either my stomach sagged or if it was reined in I had a huge muffin top, or if they fit at the waist then the crotch drooped. If they fit my thighs nicely, I couldn't zip them up.
I used to have an hourglass shape, a bit overweight but with womanly curves. Now I am just apple-shaped. It was very discouraging to not be able to find a pair of jeans that fit nicely.
I also tried on a sports bra, as mine all dig in painfully around the rib-band. The one I tried on was even worse, it was like a vice and left a welt after only being on 30 seconds. The assistant suggested an extender.
I'm starting to need an extender to get clothes to fit?
I've had some kind of stomach flu for a week so I haven't been exercising, but I have been eating. It's really cold so I've been craving salt and fat.
There have been other stresses, too. My husband has been unhappy at work for a while - and on medication for high blood pressure due to stress - and looking around for another job. Things have suddenly got worse so he really wants to get out and is willing to take a bit of a pay cut if it means a better work environment. But we might need to move house in a hurry, even to another state. I actually want to move, but it is a stressful situation all the same.
I need some other way to deal with stress, sadness, boredom, anger, happiness, tiredness etc than eating.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Strange and stressful
Wednesday:
Sorry that this post isn't weight-loss related, except in that things that happen can influence other areas of my life (like if choose to binge or not exercise because I'm stressed, for example, not that fat cares if I'm stress as Marion said today).
About a month ago I mentioned a difficult client of my freelance business. They had paid me half in advance, which I didn't even ask for as I've never had a problem getting money from clients, and then the work was going reasonably well until near the end. Several times the client gave me conflicting instructions -- telling me one thing on the phone then denying it by email. They ignored work I'd done and went back to earlier versions. They emailed me several times a day for reassurance. Some emails were extremely garbled, full of gibberish, and made no sense at all. The client would apologise for those and say to ignore them, then later be affronted because I hadn't used the information in those emails. I was very confused about what was going on.
Then I learned that the client had just been forcibly admitted to a psychiatric ward.
Ok.
I tried to continue on doing my job, but communications broke down. Eventually the client said that it was time to part ways, and I politely (with relief) agreed.
There remained the question of the rest of the money. I had done many many hours of work on this project and had only been paid half of the agreed amount. I felt I had done my job as well as I could under the circumstances. But on the other hand, the client wasn't completely happy and the job was not completely finished -- certainly not to any state I would want my name on it.
I left it for a month. Partly to see if they would pay, partly because I was busy, party because I wasn't sure what to do, partly I felt very sorry for this person now in a psychiatric ward and obviously with huge life problems, but mostly because I am a coward about conflict.
I did feel that I deserved at least a good chunk of that money, if not all of it.
So today, home sick, I gathered my courage and sent a polite reminder email about the money still owing.
What I expected was an angry email saying they hadn't been happy with the results and that they refused to pay (and I hadn't yet decided what to do about this) but what I got was an "ok, that's done" and the money in my account a couple of hours later.
I nearly fell over in shock. They just paid, with no argument. I had been stressing for a whole month about nothing! I felt great.
Then a few hours later, another email. Asking me how the project was going.
!!!
Now my stomach is churning like a rhino is giving birth in there.
Is the client suggesting that they thought I was still working on it for all this time? After previously sending me up to five or six emails a day, then telling me they would "take it from here", then silence? Surely not.
I sent a puzzled email back, and haven't got a response to that yet.
What do I do?
I don't want anything more to do with this person. Quite frankly I would have preferred to forfeit the money (well, maybe, it was quite a lot of money). Should I offer a few more hours in one last try to get it all done? Or maybe offer some of the money back as the work was not completed to their satisfaction. I think the latter. I don't want to go through all that again. The client is clearly unbalanced.
I feel a bit better for writing all that out, but still look at my email in-box as a ticking bomb at the moment.
Sorry that this post isn't weight-loss related, except in that things that happen can influence other areas of my life (like if choose to binge or not exercise because I'm stressed, for example, not that fat cares if I'm stress as Marion said today).
About a month ago I mentioned a difficult client of my freelance business. They had paid me half in advance, which I didn't even ask for as I've never had a problem getting money from clients, and then the work was going reasonably well until near the end. Several times the client gave me conflicting instructions -- telling me one thing on the phone then denying it by email. They ignored work I'd done and went back to earlier versions. They emailed me several times a day for reassurance. Some emails were extremely garbled, full of gibberish, and made no sense at all. The client would apologise for those and say to ignore them, then later be affronted because I hadn't used the information in those emails. I was very confused about what was going on.
Then I learned that the client had just been forcibly admitted to a psychiatric ward.
Ok.
I tried to continue on doing my job, but communications broke down. Eventually the client said that it was time to part ways, and I politely (with relief) agreed.
There remained the question of the rest of the money. I had done many many hours of work on this project and had only been paid half of the agreed amount. I felt I had done my job as well as I could under the circumstances. But on the other hand, the client wasn't completely happy and the job was not completely finished -- certainly not to any state I would want my name on it.
I left it for a month. Partly to see if they would pay, partly because I was busy, party because I wasn't sure what to do, partly I felt very sorry for this person now in a psychiatric ward and obviously with huge life problems, but mostly because I am a coward about conflict.
I did feel that I deserved at least a good chunk of that money, if not all of it.
So today, home sick, I gathered my courage and sent a polite reminder email about the money still owing.
What I expected was an angry email saying they hadn't been happy with the results and that they refused to pay (and I hadn't yet decided what to do about this) but what I got was an "ok, that's done" and the money in my account a couple of hours later.
I nearly fell over in shock. They just paid, with no argument. I had been stressing for a whole month about nothing! I felt great.
Then a few hours later, another email. Asking me how the project was going.
!!!
Now my stomach is churning like a rhino is giving birth in there.
Is the client suggesting that they thought I was still working on it for all this time? After previously sending me up to five or six emails a day, then telling me they would "take it from here", then silence? Surely not.
I sent a puzzled email back, and haven't got a response to that yet.
What do I do?
I don't want anything more to do with this person. Quite frankly I would have preferred to forfeit the money (well, maybe, it was quite a lot of money). Should I offer a few more hours in one last try to get it all done? Or maybe offer some of the money back as the work was not completed to their satisfaction. I think the latter. I don't want to go through all that again. The client is clearly unbalanced.
I feel a bit better for writing all that out, but still look at my email in-box as a ticking bomb at the moment.
Monday, May 13, 2013
Arg!
Tuesday:
I know there have been quite a few non-weight-loss related posts this past week, but this is my place to vent.
I am about to cut ties with that difficult client, even though it will probably mean I won't get the second half of the payment. The stress is not worth the money, and I don't even know if I would get paid even if I spent another ten hours on it. (I've read their life story! Doesn't bode well.) They just did a completely unreasonable thing and acted like it was normal. I am so worked up right now with my stomach churning. I am awaiting their response to my disbelieving email but I think no matter what they say (and it's unlikely to be nice) I need to make this be over.
In other stressful news, my new employer wants referees from a "recognised company". I'm a freelance fiction editor. I work for individuals. I haven't worked in an office for more than ten years. We've already signed the contracts, so I have no idea if it is going to be a deal breaker. Whatever, I'd rather sit at home and watch TV anyway.
Not happy this morning.
Still not turning to food.
I know there have been quite a few non-weight-loss related posts this past week, but this is my place to vent.
I am about to cut ties with that difficult client, even though it will probably mean I won't get the second half of the payment. The stress is not worth the money, and I don't even know if I would get paid even if I spent another ten hours on it. (I've read their life story! Doesn't bode well.) They just did a completely unreasonable thing and acted like it was normal. I am so worked up right now with my stomach churning. I am awaiting their response to my disbelieving email but I think no matter what they say (and it's unlikely to be nice) I need to make this be over.
In other stressful news, my new employer wants referees from a "recognised company". I'm a freelance fiction editor. I work for individuals. I haven't worked in an office for more than ten years. We've already signed the contracts, so I have no idea if it is going to be a deal breaker. Whatever, I'd rather sit at home and watch TV anyway.
Not happy this morning.
Still not turning to food.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Biggest non-scale victory ever in the history of the universe. Ever.
Friday:
I turned down free chocolate today!
I was in the supermarket, shopping. It was morning tea time and I was quite hungry. A woman came past with a tray of a NEW variety of my FAVOURITE brand of chocolate (Lindt) and asked if I wanted to try a piece. Barely stopping to think about it, I said no thank you. She wandered off. I froze in disbelief/pride/horror.
I wanted to chase after her. I spent the next 10 minutes wavering about what I would do if she came past again.
It's not that I am against chocolate, it is still my treat of choice and I might even have some tonight. But someone offered me junk food that I hadn't factored into my day and I said no. Amazing. Always in the past I have said yes, tried as many varieties as were available, and then gone round again later hoping they wouldn't recognise me and give me some more.
I have definitely got that job, pending a security clearance which I don't anticipate any problems with. I feel less stressed now that it is settled. I start in a week. It won't be a formal work environment, but I still want to look nice so I will have to hunt through my clothes for suitable items that fit me.
Exercise has been completely out the window this week. I've been busy working and organising this next job, but I think I was mainly affected by stress about all of it. I didn't eat away my stress, but I didn't make the time to exercise it away either. I just stayed agitated.
I turned down free chocolate today!
I was in the supermarket, shopping. It was morning tea time and I was quite hungry. A woman came past with a tray of a NEW variety of my FAVOURITE brand of chocolate (Lindt) and asked if I wanted to try a piece. Barely stopping to think about it, I said no thank you. She wandered off. I froze in disbelief/pride/horror.
I wanted to chase after her. I spent the next 10 minutes wavering about what I would do if she came past again.
It's not that I am against chocolate, it is still my treat of choice and I might even have some tonight. But someone offered me junk food that I hadn't factored into my day and I said no. Amazing. Always in the past I have said yes, tried as many varieties as were available, and then gone round again later hoping they wouldn't recognise me and give me some more.
I have definitely got that job, pending a security clearance which I don't anticipate any problems with. I feel less stressed now that it is settled. I start in a week. It won't be a formal work environment, but I still want to look nice so I will have to hunt through my clothes for suitable items that fit me.
Exercise has been completely out the window this week. I've been busy working and organising this next job, but I think I was mainly affected by stress about all of it. I didn't eat away my stress, but I didn't make the time to exercise it away either. I just stayed agitated.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Sleepless in Canberra
Wednesday:
Tiny quick rant. I woke at about 5.00am and started stressing about all the stuff I have to do: the new medium-sized work project has turned into a major one, trying to fit in exercise including training for this stupid race, overflowing baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and put away, all these people I have to call because the dryer has broken and the garage door is broken and we need a new fence etc etc.
Anyway I wasn't really particularly unhappy, just wakeful and wishing I could get back to sleep, and then I suddenly realised that the expansion of the work project means I have now committed to work all through the upcoming school holidays! Arg! I try to avoid that, so hard to work with the kids home all day and not fair to them either. There is a deadline so I can't really do anything about it, other than work really hard for the next week and a half so I can take it a bit easier over the school holidays -- like do a couple of hours each morning then take the kids out every afternoon. And work a bit more in the evening.
So now I am really stressed. And I have no idea how I am now going to fit in exercise. But it is super important that I do. And will even make me more efficient at work, too, because my brain will be working better. And it will stop my RSI taking over.
Yesterday Jasmine brought home an invitation to a birthday party at the same time as the race. It would still be possible to do both, plus the String (music) Festival in the morning where Jas is performing, but very difficult. I felt like the universe was telling me I really didn't have to do this race, no one was making me do this hated thing except my own stubbornness. Then that night I learned that both a friend and a different friend's eight-year-old son had just (independently) managed to run 3K without stopping. And I was so jealous. I can barely run for 60 seconds! And frustrated with myself. Not knowing whether to quit running or stick with it.
I shouldn't be using my break from work to do more typing, so will go and stride around the house a bit. But my head is all over the place today, I need to settle somehow. Blogging helps me sort out my thinking.
Tiny quick rant. I woke at about 5.00am and started stressing about all the stuff I have to do: the new medium-sized work project has turned into a major one, trying to fit in exercise including training for this stupid race, overflowing baskets of laundry waiting to be folded and put away, all these people I have to call because the dryer has broken and the garage door is broken and we need a new fence etc etc.
Anyway I wasn't really particularly unhappy, just wakeful and wishing I could get back to sleep, and then I suddenly realised that the expansion of the work project means I have now committed to work all through the upcoming school holidays! Arg! I try to avoid that, so hard to work with the kids home all day and not fair to them either. There is a deadline so I can't really do anything about it, other than work really hard for the next week and a half so I can take it a bit easier over the school holidays -- like do a couple of hours each morning then take the kids out every afternoon. And work a bit more in the evening.
So now I am really stressed. And I have no idea how I am now going to fit in exercise. But it is super important that I do. And will even make me more efficient at work, too, because my brain will be working better. And it will stop my RSI taking over.
Yesterday Jasmine brought home an invitation to a birthday party at the same time as the race. It would still be possible to do both, plus the String (music) Festival in the morning where Jas is performing, but very difficult. I felt like the universe was telling me I really didn't have to do this race, no one was making me do this hated thing except my own stubbornness. Then that night I learned that both a friend and a different friend's eight-year-old son had just (independently) managed to run 3K without stopping. And I was so jealous. I can barely run for 60 seconds! And frustrated with myself. Not knowing whether to quit running or stick with it.
I shouldn't be using my break from work to do more typing, so will go and stride around the house a bit. But my head is all over the place today, I need to settle somehow. Blogging helps me sort out my thinking.
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