Nothing to say

Wednesday:

Again, I have very little to blog about this week. I forgot to weigh myself on Monday but I was 72.5 kg yesterday, down a bit. We are all feeling well again, but it's been pouring rain nearly every day these school holidays so we haven't done much. Tim has taken this week off. Jasmine has lots of Acrogym holiday practices. We've continued with the board games. Yesterday we went and saw "The House with the Clock in its Walls" which was good. I'll let you know when I have something else to say!

Oh, and I haven't heard anything about that job. I was supposed to start next week, I have to assume they can't hire me because of the hiring freeze, but I think it is very rude of them to not check in with me occasionally even if it is without any new info. I was the one who contacted them a couple of weeks ago!

We have organised someone to put a shade sail over a portion of our pool, but haven't heard back from either of the people who were supposed to give us quotes for some other work. I was only able to get those two to even come out and look. It's been around three weeks. Not having much luck with Sydney tradesmen.

Happy Birthday Your Majesty

Monday:

It is a public holiday here today to celebrate the Queen's Birthday. As far as I know, no one actually does anything remotely to do with Her Majesty's birthday. It's just a day off.

My weight is back up to 71.4 kg, where it was two weeks ago. I lost and then regained nearly 2 kg over the past two weeks. I've been eating really badly this past week. Stress, cold weather, no vitamin D from sunlight, no exercise, getting over the flu, I don't know. I've been feeling a bit sad too. Yesterday was like having PMS, except it was the wrong time of the month. I started the day by crying over a couple of news articles (a father with mental health issues killed his son, and a tourist lost for five days in the bush was found unharmed). And I continued crying on and off for no particular reason throughout the morning. While trying to hide the fact from the kids.

We had people over as usual for Sunday afternoon and dinner. It sucked. They were supposed to come at 4pm for board games, but they dribbled in between 4 and 7, and some had to leave again before dinner, or leave and come back later, so we never really got any games going. Just sat around waiting for people, or starting games which were interrupted by people having to go. Then the five year old cried all through dinner because the four year old sat in the only pink chair. Which shouldn't have been at the dinner table in the first place, and got milk spilled all over it and it is fabric and will probably start to stink pretty soon. If we had any sunlight I'd wash it and leave it out to dry but as it is it would just go mouldy. It probably will anyway. Mouldy and stinky. I was not having a happy day.

Today was much better. No rain, so we got out for a walk in the morning and a bit of slightly damp gardening in the afternoon. A hint of sunlight was worth the itchy reaction I seem to have developed to one particular plant.

I'm having a (hopefully minor) drama about the job interview; when they called I'm sure they said Wednesday the 13th and I wrote all the details down and confirmed the date at the end. I was thinking it was particularly convenient because I don't work that day. But they sent a follow-up email saying it was on Thursday the 14th! Now I'm not sure which is right. And it was too late to call when I saw it, and it's a long weekend. I'll call tomorrow morning. It shouldn't be a problem if I have to swap my work day, but it makes me look incompetent if I got the day wrong and have to check (less incompetent if their email is wrong!)

Oh well, I'll sort it out. Here's hoping for a better week.

Last exam

Monday:

I had my last exam for the term today. I think it was fine. I've got results back from two assignments, both "satisfactory" (you only get satisfactory or not satisfactory, but the comments were good).

Pouring rain. Was soaked to the skin getting home, even with an umbrella. I'm supposed to go over and chat to both neighbours about the side fences being raised, but it's pissing down out there! Tomorrow is soon enough. Not that it's likely to not be raining, but maybe it won't be so hard.

My weight this morning was 79.5kg, I continue to bob up and down within half a kg or so. It wasn't exactly a diet-friendly weekend.

On Saturday we went to see Shen Yun - a Chinese dance company, my birthday present to Tim. They were good, but it turns out they are heavily political, supporters of Falun Gong which is a persecuted religious movement in China. Some of the dance routines involved the evil Chinese government beating innocent Falun Gong supporters with sticks. Not included in the advertising for the show!

Before the show we had lunch by the harbour, then went to a Zumbo patisserie. Zumbo is an Australian celebrity chef, specialising in cake and desserts, he was a guest judge on MasterChef and had his own TV show briefly (it flopped). The food was nice, but we wished we didn't get a dessert each - two between the four of us would have been plenty. So much sugar! We brought home the other halves but they didn't survive the journey very well. Mostly ended up with a puddle of sweet goo.

Sunday we had family over for Dungeons and Dragons and dinner. Our oven is broken at the moment and I don't have as many free days as I used to to sit at home all morning and wait for a tradesman, so I used the slow cooker and it really is a lot slower than the oven! Five hours on high was barely enough for the casserole, would have been better with much longer. Hopefully the oven will be fixed this week. It's just the weather for casseroles and roasts.

Soggy

Tuesday:

I spent the day with soggy feet. There is a famous poem about Australia as the land "of droughts and flooding rains" and today was the flooding rains bit! Very wet shoes and socks getting to class this morning. I managed to mostly protect my books, only got soggy in one corner.

This week the students are getting to know each other better, everyone seems very friendly. Quite different to when I tried going back to Uni a couple of years ago and I felt very lonely and out of place amongst all the 18-year-olds. I have five different teachers in five different classrooms, people sit in different positions next to different people for each class, but it seems we've decided on our set places for each class. In one class I sit next to Mark at the back, he's the one with dreadlocked hair, he has a 26 year-old-daughter with her own kids so he is a grandad! In another class I sit with Cathy near the middle, she's the one who already looks like a librarian, she is really lovely. In yet another I sit right up the front with Marlen. We don't talk so much. I think she always sits right up the front. Model of German efficiency.

The older Italian lady I expected to drop out because she can't use computers was still there today. Maria asks a lot of questions, which is not a bad thing at all, but she is very disruptive in another way. She was sitting near the back and couldn't see the projector screen, so kept getting up and walking halfway to the front and standing in the aisle. Two different people offered their seats but she wouldn't. The teacher got her to sit right up the front at the side but she couldn't see from there either. She kept going back and forth, saying she didn't want to be a bother but not seeming to realise she was much more of a distraction than if she'd just accepted a swap. She was trying to take notes which is difficult while standing so she ended up kneeling at the teachers desk, was offered a chair there which she refused but eventually she did roll a chair over. It was this ongoing two hour saga.

Im finding the content easy so far but there is already a lot of work to keep up with. Plenty of homework. I'm doing my reading on the train.

Yesterday afternoon my right eye got sore and bloodshot, I must have scratched it or something. It got worse in the evening and a night of rest didn't completely heal it, I couldn't wear any eye makeup today. Hope it's better tomorrow.

Happy Valentines Day!

Last day of school

Friday:

Well I've almost finished my Christmas shopping. I drove out in the rain today to the big shopping centre, then round and round for about half an hour to get a parking spot. It was worth it, I got the last things for Tim and Aiden and also a couple of pretty shirts/blouses/tops (what is the right word for a fancy T-shirt?) for myself. I don't buy clothes very often but it's my tradition to have new tops to wear Christmas and Boxing Day - with shorts, it is summer here remember. I now just need to get a couple of little gifts for peripheral people.

I had to go outside the centre to a shop a block away, I got rather wet but on the way back while waiting for the traffic lights a nice young man held his umbrella over me.

I came home hoping to be in time for today's parcel delivery, for the past three days they've arrived after 2pm (of course they couldn't all come on the same day, had to be one per day!) but today was the day they came earlier so I missed them. I still have plenty of time before Christmas to pick it up, luckily it was one that went to the post office after a failed delivery.

It was the kids' last day of school, they are now on holidays for six weeks over summer. Next year Jasmine goes into Yr 8 and Aiden into Yr 5. They are growing up very fast. Jasmine has changed a lot this year, she is doing excellently at school and she suddenly likes "cool" clothes instead of little girl pink and frilly. I suppose it was bound to happen, she is nearly 13. Aiden is still my baby, lots of cuddles.

Rocks

Tuesday:

I thought the excavation machinery was relatively quiet yesterday... but not today! Yesterday was mainly scooping up dirt, today was breaking up rocks. Very noisy. I certainly wasn't able to do any creative work, but I did get some housework done!

The "pool" actually looks less advanced in a way than yesterday because it is full of pieces of rock. There is also a huge mound of rocks and dirt next to it. The bobcat is starting tomorrow to haul it all away (it works faster than the excavator so they gave the excavator a two day head start) so we should be able to see the progress more clearly after that.

It started raining this evening and is supposed to rain all tomorrow. I hope that doesn't cause problems. Mud might be harder to shift than dirt.

I had my post-op appointment with my gyno today, everything seems good. Apparently the fibroid was very big but they did a biopsy and it wasn't cancerous (they hardly every are). My menstrual cycle seems back to normal after more than a year, and although I had a little discomfort in the days leading up to my period that is gone now. So I don't think I need any extra treatment or a hysterectomy, which is great.

Grey

Wednesday:

I seem to be affected by the weather much more than I ever remember being - although maybe I just didn't notice before. On sunny days I am happy, on grey cloudy days I feel sad, lonely, and trapped. Perhaps because this is a particularly dark house with inadequate lighting, it is very gloomy on rainy days like today. Come on spring, get your act together! And I need an electrician.

I also feel a bit unsettled because I just found out something, by accident, about a close family member that I really feel they should have told me about. Because we are family, and because it is not about me but it does affect me. I'm going to need to bring up the subject with them. A bit awkward. I won't talk about it here because if they don't think it's my business, they certainly wouldn't think it was your business! I do respect their privacy, but as I say it does affect me and I need to talk to them about it.

... well I spoke to them and they thought they had already told me, were sure of it, so there you go.

I'm still going back and forth with the council and the pool builders about the big tree. Waiting for a final decision.

I just checked the weather report and it's clouds and rain for days. Blah. Maybe I need some kind of sun lamp.

Backyard inspection

Friday:

So it's absolutely pouring rain today and I was delaying going out the shops hoping it would ease up a bit (it's an outdoor carpark so I would be trying to manage a trolley and an umbrella, and the groceries would get soaked anyway) and then the Council called about our pool application, the poor man had to come out and inspect our backyard!

We stood out there with umbrellas while he took photos and then sat under the covered courtyard while he asked a couple of questions, he doesn't foresee any issues with his bit (far enough from fences, how sloping the ground is) but we are still waiting on approval to have the trees removed and the neighbours have a couple more weeks to protest. They all have pools so I don't know what grounds they would protest on! Not expecting it. It's only the trees I have a slight worry about, just in case there is some rule about removing too many natives. We could end up with a pool surrounded by leaf-dropping gum trees instead of a nice paved area and garden. I hope that doesn't happen.

I did the grocery shopping after he left, taking a beach towel to drape over the trolley to keep things more or less dry getting back to the car. A tarp probably would have been more useful but we don't have one. It was a big shopping trip because we are hosting a Father's Day BBQ on Sunday.

I had planned fish for dinner - for me and Aiden, Tim and Jas won't eat it, they were going to have pork chops - but who wants to eat fish on a cold dreary day like today? Maybe if you are a fish lover, and you deep fried it! I eat fish a few times a year in a fit of virtuousness. Anyway, I bought a chicken instead to roast with lots of chilli and lemon zest. Much more warming and cosy.

I saw online today "Words cannot express how beautiful you are. But numbers can. 3/10." Lol.

Oh, that reminds me. At the shops there was a stall where kids could get a free photo taken of themselves with a little printed message, to give to daddy on Sunday for Father's Day. One message was:

OMG are you serious? Is this deliberate so it looks like your three year old wrote it? That's the only excuse I can think of for not knowing the difference between your and you're. I wanted to say something to them but they were busy photographing kids so I didn't.

Rain

Wednesday:

Pouring rain today so I stayed at home. In the afternoon I sat in front of the TV catching up on America's Next Top Model (the end of cycle 21) and did my editing, snuggled under my lap rug while the rain beat against the windows. Rather nice.

Another good day of heathy eating. I am eating enormous amounts of vegetables. When you can't eat processed junk you have to replace it with something, and I am trying to eat moderate amounts of protein and fat. So the gaps are filled with vegetables. I think I had nine "servings" of vegetables yesterday. I find they are much nicer when covered in something tasty... garlic cream sauce... satay sauce (home made of course). Not exactly low calorie but delicious! Or at least lots of spices. I have not yet learned to love vegetables for their own flavours except for a few.

Tim's father goes to poetry nights where you can get up and read your own poems, there is one tonight near Tim's work so he has gone to it to support his dad. The things you do for family!

Quizmaster

Wednesday:

Dreary rain today. I had planned to explore the area around the nearby river in a deep picturesque gorge, looking for somewhere to sit and write/think in the winter sun. But not today (or tomorrow, apparently). I find being at home quite distracting, I do my best thinking either walking or in the bath/shower, or else sitting somewhere with a lovely view.

Some writers like to do detailed outlines of the whole story before beginning, others (like Stephen King) start with a scenario (what would happen if vampires turned up in a small town?) and start writing and see what happens. Plotter vs Pantster (ie by the seat of your pants, I think); Architect vs Gardener. I am somewhere in between. A gardener who has a plan but then lets the plants grow out of control. My eventual story isn't much like the original outline! But I need some kind of sketch before I begin. I like to know how it will end, then I can work towards that with a few major plot points.

Not quite so much eating today, but no exercise either.

They are calling for contestants for a quiz show I like, The Chase. At home, I answer as well as most contestants, say a bit more than two thirds of questions correct. You don't have to answer a certain number correct in a row with no mistakes, it's ok to pass on a couple. A little bit of me is tempted. My mother went on a game show, Sale of the Century, when I was a teenager. She knew most of the answers but it's a show where you have to have quick reflexes to press the buzzer and she was bad at that side of it, she didn't win. I was in the audience and I remember every ad break they came out and put more lipstick on her and as they walked away she would wipe it off! Anyway there are two reasons I won't be auditioning for The Chase. One is that I was hate to be on TV at this size, I could never watch it without cringing. But more importantly I freeze under that sort of pressure! Give me a written exam and I'm fine, but put me up the front with people watching and even without the TV cameras I probably wouldn't be able to answer a single question. I'd be like a rabbit in the headlights. Total brainfreeze. I can still dream though. Yeah, I'd go on, answer every question correctly, win lots of money, they'd ask me to stay on and be a quizmaster...

So here is a question, if you were going to be a star on some kind of reality competition show, and your talent was enhanced a bit so you'd win, which would you choose? Singing? Dancing? Bachelor/ette? Quiz? Next Top Model? Masterchef? Home Renovation? What would you like to be  best at? I'd find it very hard to choose! But maybe singing.

Movies

Sunday:

Yesterday we had lunch with family before going to see the movie "Warcraft". We took the kids even though it was rated M, even Harry Potter movies are rated M. We all play the computer game that it was based on, World of Warcraft. It was quite a good movie, not stellar. Everyone seems to agree that it would be a bit confusing if you don't play the game. I ate m&ms in the movies but did not partake of the ice cream everyone else had afterwards. Ice cream is ok, not my passion, not something I want to spend calories on in winter.

I went to bed really early, exhausted. Had two sessions of night sweats paired with bad dreams. Got up exhausted this morning. Pelvic pain, sore foot, no sleep, headache, feeling sorry for myself today. Cranky with my fitbit that tells me yay you got 10 hours 20 mins sleep! Really, fitbit? I may have been lying quietly in bed that long, doesn't mean I got a restful night!

On to nicer topics, today was a birthday lunch at a café, the booking was for 1:30pm so by the time everyone gets there (through pouring rain), reconnects with other guests, orders, it was 2:30 by the time we got any food. Very late lunch for me! But it was nice food, and good company. We stood around chatting for a while afterwards.

When we got home we finished off watching the last Hobbit movie. Next weekend we'll start the Lord of the Rings saga.

Wild weather

Monday:

There was 3 cm of water inside our older car that was parked in the street during the downpour all weekend. Tim's father's house leaked and they had a little river running across the floor. Houses were evacuated in my brother's suburb (but he is up a hill). Crazy wild weather! At least we know this house is rainproof! Gloomy and cold but not raining this morning so the kids went to school as usual, I had been considering keeping them at home if it was bad. Jasmine's high school is a series of separate buildings that she would have to run between from class to class.

I weighed 81.4 kg this morning, much the same (slightly down) as last week.

Since my sleep has been much worse since starting to use my CPAP again, I didn't use it last night. In the past, it's taken me a few nights to get used to the CPAP but then it's got better. Not this time. Every night I would lie awake for a couple of hours, sleep an hour or two at most, then wake and claw it off. Noisy, sweaty, uncomfortable. And I was feeling so tired every day. The point of it is to help me sleep better! Without it last night, I still lay awake for a while. As soon as my head hit the pillow it was full of regrets about the past, worries from the present, and fears for the future. I tossed and turned. But at last I got to sleep and had a much better night. I felt quite good today. My doctor won't be happy with me but I don't see how less sleep is the better option.

Weekend

Sunday:

It has been absolutely bucketing down all weekend, really heavy rain and windy too. So it's definitely been an indoor couple of days. It's so dark it feels like evening even in the middle of the day. This is not a well- lit house at all, we have plans to change the lights and also add a window looking out into the backyard. What seemed quite cosy and welcoming in summer might be rather gloomy in winter. We want to get solar panels fitted on the roof and I have no idea if I need to do that before or after changing all the light fittings. Something to investigate, when I have the energy.

Yesterday and today a lot of time was spent (by Tim and the kids) working on Jasmine's science experiment. She set up a long (can't think of the word) thing in her room where she put a book in a basket which made the basket sink and the other end string pulled something up that knocked over a chain of books that made a pair of scissors cut a string that made a marble roll into a chain of dominos which knocked a spoonful of ice cream into a glass of fizzy drink, creating what we call a "spider" in Australia. They filmed take after take while things didn't go quite perfectly, but eventually it worked.

Yesterday evening we watched the first "The Hobbit" movie which we decided the kids were old enough to see. Five more to go in the franchise! They both loved it.

I continue to get terrible sleep for all the reasons previously stated. I am getting to the end of my ability to cope with this, which means tears and snapping at people. Not sure what I can do about it. I am turning to food for energy and I don't see that changing any time soon and I'm not apologising for it. Whatever gets me through the day, at the moment. If I can at least get this pelvic pain sorted, that will help with the second half of every night. But that appointment is still weeks away. I am reconsidering that decision to stick with the closer gyno, I might at least ring around on Monday to see when I could get appointments elsewhere.

Animated skeletons

Saturday:

A cool rainy day today, perfect for staying inside playing with the virtual reality headset. Of course with four of us no-one gets to play as much as they'd like. I got to progress with the dungeon game, turns out sword fighting animated skeletons is quite a workout! You don't step much in the small space but you duck and dodge and swing your sword. I just acquired a bow so I'll get to use that next time. Jasmine hasn't returned to that game, it is a bit scary in 3D even though the skeletons are quite cartoonish.

Apparently we got a couple of games free with the set, an overenthusiastic spam filter hid them originally, I've only tried one of those, it is a virtual job game. You can be a chef or a mechanic or a few other things. The chef is similar to games you've probably played in an idle moment on your smartphone, making orders for customers. But in 3D. I didn't do that... too much like my real life housewife job! but I did become a mechanic which was funny. I charged a lot for changing "headlight fluid" and added sugar to a petrol tank so the customer would have to come back again.

As I thought when the boys came over last night they all wanted to have a turn on the VR so they didn't start their movie until 10:30. I went to bed. And today found cider spilled all over my favourite cushion. Men!

I didn't do much else today, read and had a nap in front of the TV. Tim is cooking risotto for dinner. Delicious delicious carbs.

We've recently started having movie night with the kids on Saturdays, they often have a good kid's movie starting early on TV, or else we watch a DVD. Tonight we've borrowed "The Fifth Element" from Nick and I'm looking forward to seeing that again and showing it to the kids. One of my favourite movies ever. Pretty sure it's not too violent or anything. Aiden is nine but actually it's Jasmine at twelve who is much more timid and impressionable and likely to have nightmares.

Thirty three and thirty four: The Entrance

Saturday:

We spent the weekend at The Entrance with Nick, Ping and little Emma. It's a town on the beach a couple of hours North of home. It didn't start auspiciously at all. We booked our accomodation more than a week ago, and as we got closer to the time we found that the forcast was for rain all weekend! Nick and Ping were staying in a cabin at a campground, we had a serviced apartment. We didn't want to be confined inside the whole time.

There was a lot of traffic getting out of the city and we didn't get here until 1pm - Nick and Ping came earlier and already had lunch before we got here so we didn't meet up yet. We didn't know where to go to eat. We were on what we thought was the shopping strip on the Main Street, but there wasn't much open. Seemed odd for a Saturday. We eventually went to a crowded cafe, it turned out to serve what I would call hippy food. All organic bean sprouts and macrobiotic chicken. Tim and Aiden both loved their lunch, mine was partly to my taste and partly not (and I gave a lot of the nice bit to the kids so I ended up a bit hungry), Jasmine couldn't find anything she was willing to eat. So after a while I walked with her up to the local pie shop. It had literally four pies left sitting in the warmer, and all stuff Jasmine didn't like, like curry beef. We walked a bit more and I bought her an American muffin. It was raining and a rather gloomy.

Time to check into our accomodation. But there is no reception desk!?? We reread the confirmation email and it turns out we have to pick up the key elsewhere, from a locked box in town, for which they had sent us the passcode. Bugger. But the benefit was that at least we then found the true heart of town, down by the beach of course! We got our key and came back to find it didn't work. Couldn't get it to turn. So there followed an hour and a half of trying to call people, leaving messages, waiting for someone to call back, waiting for the guy to get here, and of course messages back and forth with Nick and Ping as to why we still couldn't meet them yet. The guy's master key wouldn't work either! But luckily he was able to give us another room and finally we got to go down to the shore. I was a bit annoyed that it was 4pm already! But at least it wasn't raining any more.

The Entrance is where the sea meets Tuggerah Lake over big sand flats that you can walk on at low tide. Lots of pelicans! We just missed the pelican feeding time.

The shore front is pretty, with playgrounds for children, grass, palm trees, benches, and lots of restaurants. Ping and I sat and had a snack and a chat while the menfolk looked after the kids, then walked a little before going to an Italian restaurant for dinner. The food was very nice (I had pasta with a spicy tomato, olive and bacon sauce). We came back to our room and the kids ignored the cold to have a quick swim in the pool before bed. So the last few hours of the day were pretty good.

Until Tim's allergies attacked, obviously something in the room, maybe the ancient sofa. He spent the rest of the night sneezing and blowing his nose.

Sunday:

We woke to the sound of heavy rain and thunder. But by the time we'd packed up and gone back to the seafront to find breakfast, it was merely drizzling. I had a lovely brunch of bacon and eggs. Then Nick and Ping wanted to go fishing, they had brought their rods with them. I found the rest of the morning boring and cold (I gave Aiden my jumper to wear over the top of his own so he wouldn't freeze, he has no body fat for insulation) but on the up side the kids got to try fishing with little hassle or expense. And Aiden caught a tiny fish.

At noon we decided we'd had enough fishing and left them to it. The drive home was a bit nasty, I was driving and missed a turnoff when we got to Sydney and was forced into the complicated city streets. Tim took over and we managed to navigate back home, the trip taking about half an hour longer than it should have.

The weather and the hotel debacle made it not an ideal weekend, but still better than camping! And I think it was a nice area.

I didn't focus on my diet over the weekend, but neither did I binge like Friday. I just ate normally. My tongue is a bit sore though, too much sugar (three cups of tea with brunch!). We have family coming over for dinner tonight. I'm making roast lemon chicken, yummy, dessert doesn't really appeal to me right now.

This and that

Tuesday:

I have to keep reminding myself that it is that time of the month where life seems a bit more difficult and everyone is annoying, and that it is not a good day to make a decision like giving up on my diet and eating all the things, or leaving my family and going to live on a pristine island somewhere.

In the spirit of focusing on the good in life, our garbage was collected today! Both general rubbish (weekly collection) and recycling (fortnightly). This is a big deal at the moment. We've been behind on recycling since we moved, even with that trip to the waste management centre. And we've been way behind on kitchen waste since Christmas - far more important as it gets smelly. We asked at Christmas if anyone could take some home to put in their own bin, but everyone said theirs was full, which annoyed me quite a bit because we were the ones hosting two enormous meals with all the associated waste. No one would help. (I let my brother-in-law off the hook because I knew they forgot to put their bin out one week and were as overflowing as we were.) Each week since as soon as the bin is emptied on Tuesday morning we can put in all the extra bags we have still in the house - and it's half full again straight away. Back in Canberra we would put any extra bags in our friendly neighbour's bin, he was a single elderly guy who always had space, but I don't know our neighbours here yet. Anyway, both bins were emptied this morning and maybe we'll catch up eventually.

Second good thing, I have suddenly switched from waking around 5am to sleeping until around 7! I don't know if it's the cool rainy weather, or my new healthy diet, or what. It's not exercise because I haven't the past few days. But it's lovely!

Leftover chicken and a cucumber for breakfast. Home made roasted tomato soup (two bowls) with bread and butter for lunch.

A Pink Lady apple in the afternoon with my cup of tea.

Lemon roast chicken with potato, broccolini, onion, tomato and cucumber for dinner.

My calories were just about perfect for the day and I was full - or at least I wasn't hungry - but I just wanted something more... So I had some chocolate. I wish chocolate wasn't so high calorie! But I still did ok. And it gave me that truly satisfied feeling.

It was pouring rain again, some parts of my city are having flooding problems, so I didn't want to go out. In the morning we watched the Big Hero 6 movie that Aiden got for Christmas. Great movie! I really meant to exercise this afternoon but I had a nap instead while the kids did an active Xbox game. I still don't have a lot of energy. I know I need to do something, even if small, anyway. But it's so much easier not to!

Better day

Monday:

Week 1 of my new eating plan done! So how did I go? I started at 84.5 kg, down to 83.0 kg, so that is 1.5 lost. Nice, but that was nearly all in the first two days, I need to get the wriggly line moving down again. I was pretty good with the food except for the past two days when I definitely ate a lot extra including treat foods. I also didn't drink all my water on the weekend, or exercise yesterday. Bit of a slump at the end of the week.

I have been really tired the past couple of days - "can hardly get out of bed" tired - and I may have been a bit sick, or it may have been my body adjusting to much lower carbs. Apparently if you stick to it your body switches over to burning fat instead. My diet isn't super low carb but I get carbs from fruit and vegetables not bread or biscuits. I still have things like potato and mangoes that LCHF people would turn away in horror from. Before the weekend I felt pretty good, and wasn't hungry very often except right before meals (when you SHOULD feel hungry!) so I'm sticking with it and I felt much less fatigued today.

Tim is back at work today after the Christmas/New Year break, but he has more time off later in January. The kids don't go back to school until the end of January, this is their long summer holiday. Today we only went to the library and did the grocery shopping. Pouring rain all afternoon, too heavy to even want to go out in the car. It's going to be a cool rainy week so I need to plan some indoor activities. Urg, Chipmunks movie I guess.

Nectarine and yoghurt for breakfast.

I always remember to photograph my breakfast but not other meals, I guess because at other mealtimes I am hungry and wanting to dig in immediately, breakfast not so much. Lunch was rotisserie chicken and salad. For an afternoon snack I roasted some vegetables in the oven. Dinner was san choy bau - pork mince and vegetables with oyster sauce in lettuce cups. I had plenty more than this, this was just the first two leaves.

I stuck to my calorie limit and had no treat foods. Very happy with that. But no exercise and only 3800 steps.

Leftovers

Monday:

Okay, I may or may not have eaten some party leftovers today. We shall gloss over indiscretions. You can't walk off chocolate cheesecake, but I did at least do half an hour walking with Tim. To him, that is not even exercise. I was hot and a bit tired by the end. It was certainly exercise to me.

It was mainly a day of organising, like getting electricity set up to be connected at the new house. Tim had already organised internet, but not unimportant things like water or electricity! He has his priorities.

I'm a bit worried about the weather. We had a big storm last night that battered some areas. It is forecast for rain here on Thursday, and also rain in Sydney on Friday! It will be frustrating if everything gets wet, and removalists have to stomp their soggy boots all over the carpet at both ends. But I'm sure we can manage. And maybe it won't actually rain while we are loading/unloading.

Dismal cold rainy dark wet miserable gloomy freezing day

Wednesday:

Dismal cold rainy day plus PMS. What fun. Dark wet miserable day. Gloomy freezing depressing day.

Drama

Wednesday:

Maybe it's because it is the end of the school year (two and a half weeks to go) or the heat or I don't know, but everyone seems on edge and cranky at the moment. My daughter's group of friends are fighting all the time and she is often in tears about it, sometimes in the middle of the night. The mother of one of my son's friends texted me this afternoon about her son being excluded from that group and I had to try to sort that out with my distraught eight year old who was already upset because...

I made my own contribution to the drama today. My children usually walk home by themselves (together) but  I generally pick them up if it is raining hard. Today I didn't have the car and there was a big thunderstorm an hour before the end of school - the sky went really dark really quickly. It was still pouring rain when they got out of school and I was pretty sure they only had one umbrella between them. So I walked up to the school with a couple of extras. The pavement was running with water and I got pretty wet even with an umbrella. I got up near the school and I could see the two of them starting to cross the oval (a bad idea in the rain). I was separated from them by the fence but I called and waved and walked parallel to them towards home. They didn't see me, and after a while turned back towards the school. I assumed they decided against more wet long grass and that they would come along the path where I was. I headed towards the school again. And around the school. And couldn't find them. And got wetter. I couldn't work out how they could have got past me unless they went some very long weird way home. I stomped home crankily. To find them there and waiting, banging on the door, having got a lift with a (trusted) friend.

From their point of view they had done nothing wrong at all. But I was wet and cross and so frustrated because I had seen them and called and waved and they had turned back and made me chase them and I had that walk for nothing. If I was the kind of person who swears, I would have been swearing. I think I went so far as to grump "Why the hell did you..." etc. Like it was all their fault. Then I went and lay on my bed and felt like crying; angry and frustrated and guilty.

My son came for cuddles to be reassured but my daughter just ignored me until I started acting normally. A good move.

My only excuse is being worried about my mother. She saw her oncologist yesterday but warned me in advance she would need to sleep the rest of the day when she got home and wouldn't call me until today. This morning I tried to call her a few times but she didn't answer the phone even though there is one right beside her bed. Was she too sick to even answer the phone? Not likely she would be out somewhere, she could hardly get out of bed two days ago. She finally called me back, it turns out she was out, getting the fluid drained from her abdomen. Six and a half litres of fluid! No wonder she looked pregnant and was so uncomfortable. They have to analyse it, don't know if it was caused by her medication or the cancer itself. Now she's just got the discomfort of her internal organs moving back into their correct positions after being forced out of place by the fluid.

Everything just feels stressful and horrible today.