Baby photos

Saturday:

I've spent the past couple of days putting together a collection of favourite family photos, which I plan to print out. I haven't printed physical copies for a few years! We lost a lot of photos once when a computer died, so it's good to have backups and physical copies of the best ones. And I'm scanning in some of the old prints so we have both physical and online versions!

So hard to choose favourites among the dozens of baby photos. I know everyone thinks their own children are cute, but honestly mine are the cutest!

Clearly they take after me!

Well behaved cookie makers

Friday:

Didn't do much yesterday, it was pouring rain. The kids built a blanket fort, and in the afternoon we watched "Hotel Transylvania 2" on Foxtel.

The carb flu seems to be over, no more headache or upset tummy. I hope that is because I'm through withdrawal, not because I'm eating too many carbs again. I have continued to snack every evening, and last night had about 500 unneeded calories worth. So from today that is over! My birthday chocolates are finished, I eat plenty of food during the day, I do not need to snack while watching TV at night.

We did the grocery shopping and while at the checkout the kids were chatting quietly with each other. The woman behind me commented on how I had two children, but no junk food in my trolley. She was amazed! (I do get treat food quite often, but today I told Jasmine if she wanted chocolate chip cookies she could make them at home). The woman and the check out lady both also seemed amazed by how well behaved my children are. No fighting or screaming. I often get these reactions in places like restaurants and it worries me that my normal children seem to stand out as being exceptionally well behaved! Are everyone else's kids so bad? I guess some of them are, I've seen kids having tantrums in public places. I try not to judge too quickly - anyone can have a bad day (child or parent!) - but if I see a mother on her phone while her little son trails ignored behind her with his legs squeezed together obviously needing to go to the toilet, or a kid screaming for a sugary treat and the parent says no, no, no, no, shut up, no, no, OH ALL RIGHT HAVE IT! reinforcing the bad behaviour... well then I do judge!

Anyway I am very proud of my children and I guess we did something right because whatever faults they have, they are always kind to each other and everyone else. Once I reviewed a short story in which a child died and the sibling didn't seem to care much. I pointed out to the author that this didn't seem realistic. But based on his own children, he though that is how they would react! I can hardly imagine.

Jasmine baked her cookies in the afternoon and I had a couple. A couple doesn't sound so bad... but they were practically the size of dinner plates so I think I should have stuck to one!

B: cream of chicken soup, tea.
L: rotisserie chicken, cucumber, tea.
S: choc-chip cookies, peanuts, cheese. (my meals are ok, I need to work on my snacks)
D: steak, salad, cookie.

Kitchen is closed for the night.

Twenty eight: weigh in

Monday:

Official weekly weigh in. Weight up a tiny bit from yesterday but still under 80 kg which is what I care about at the moment. I always seem to go up after Sunday night dinner with family, but only by a couple of hundred grams, and if I only weighed weekly all I'd see is the steady loss.

Starting weight (Just after Christmas): 84.5 kg
Starting weight round two: 83.0 kg
Day 7: 81.4 kg
Day 14: 81.5 kg
Day 21: 80.5 kg
Day 28: 79.7 kg.
Loss this week: 0.8 kg

Still steadily going down.

It is a public holiday today (ANZAC day, to thank soldiers) and also the last day of school holidays for Aiden, Jas gets an extra day. In the afternoon Tim and his brother went to help their dad work on his house while I babysat my three year old niece Emma (Ping was working). I say "I" babysat, actually Jasmine entertains her with a bit of help from Aiden. I'm just the token adult in case of emergencies.

On the weekend we signed up for a free month of Netflix, we hadn't got it before because Tim rarely watches TV and I already watch too much with our plethora of free channels, and then also signed up for Foxtel. For Game of Thrones obviously, which I watched today - it's broadcast at the same time as the US which means Sunday night there is Monday 11am here. We got Foxtel for three months last year for the same reason, it was such a hassle to cancel again and they kept billing for months and it took endless phone calls to sort out so that Tim vowed never to get it again. But, well. I also like some of the Lifestyle stuff; Next Top Model, RuPaul's Drag Race, cooking and renovation shows that we don't get here on free TV.

I am definitely hungrier at this time of the month, actual hunger as well as cravings. I've been eating a bit more. Hopefully I will feel back to normal tomorrow, because generally on this diet I haven't been hungry despite restricted calories.

B: raspberries and yoghurt, tea.
L: steak sandwich (without the bread).
S: Apple, tea.
D: roast pork, potato, broccoli, cucumber, gravy.
S: dark chocolate.

Drama

Wednesday:

Maybe it's because it is the end of the school year (two and a half weeks to go) or the heat or I don't know, but everyone seems on edge and cranky at the moment. My daughter's group of friends are fighting all the time and she is often in tears about it, sometimes in the middle of the night. The mother of one of my son's friends texted me this afternoon about her son being excluded from that group and I had to try to sort that out with my distraught eight year old who was already upset because...

I made my own contribution to the drama today. My children usually walk home by themselves (together) but  I generally pick them up if it is raining hard. Today I didn't have the car and there was a big thunderstorm an hour before the end of school - the sky went really dark really quickly. It was still pouring rain when they got out of school and I was pretty sure they only had one umbrella between them. So I walked up to the school with a couple of extras. The pavement was running with water and I got pretty wet even with an umbrella. I got up near the school and I could see the two of them starting to cross the oval (a bad idea in the rain). I was separated from them by the fence but I called and waved and walked parallel to them towards home. They didn't see me, and after a while turned back towards the school. I assumed they decided against more wet long grass and that they would come along the path where I was. I headed towards the school again. And around the school. And couldn't find them. And got wetter. I couldn't work out how they could have got past me unless they went some very long weird way home. I stomped home crankily. To find them there and waiting, banging on the door, having got a lift with a (trusted) friend.

From their point of view they had done nothing wrong at all. But I was wet and cross and so frustrated because I had seen them and called and waved and they had turned back and made me chase them and I had that walk for nothing. If I was the kind of person who swears, I would have been swearing. I think I went so far as to grump "Why the hell did you..." etc. Like it was all their fault. Then I went and lay on my bed and felt like crying; angry and frustrated and guilty.

My son came for cuddles to be reassured but my daughter just ignored me until I started acting normally. A good move.

My only excuse is being worried about my mother. She saw her oncologist yesterday but warned me in advance she would need to sleep the rest of the day when she got home and wouldn't call me until today. This morning I tried to call her a few times but she didn't answer the phone even though there is one right beside her bed. Was she too sick to even answer the phone? Not likely she would be out somewhere, she could hardly get out of bed two days ago. She finally called me back, it turns out she was out, getting the fluid drained from her abdomen. Six and a half litres of fluid! No wonder she looked pregnant and was so uncomfortable. They have to analyse it, don't know if it was caused by her medication or the cancer itself. Now she's just got the discomfort of her internal organs moving back into their correct positions after being forced out of place by the fluid.

Everything just feels stressful and horrible today.

Does a little piglet live in this bedroom?

Thursday:

Yesterday and today I've been tackling my son's bedroom. I probably haven't tidied it properly for a couple of months, my husband devoted half a weekend to it a while ago. He just has so much stuff! A lot of it in tiny pieces. Yesterday I did a bit by myself then after school got the kids to help me. Their job was to pick up every single piece of Lego they could find and put it in the big block (Duplo) box or the little block (Lego) box. It took the three of us about half an hour, but it made a bit of a difference to the amount of stuff on the floor.

This morning before school, the two of them got out most of the Duplo and built a tower beside his bed. Sigh. At least it's stuck together neatly not spread all over the floor again. Yet. I can't put it away because they were talking excitedly about playing with it this afternoon.

Today I looked with some despair at what remained. I pushed it all into a big pile, then decided I'd just pick out all the rubbish. I filled a big bag with used tissues, and rocks that came home in his pockets, and Uno cards from a deck that I threw out a while ago because it was missing so many, and packaging from various toys, and squashed paper aeroplanes, and artworks done at school now torn and smudged, and Texta lids, and bits of broken toys. And it diminished the pile by about half! Getting there. And you can get from the door to the bed, and to the chest of drawers, and even to the window to open the blind. Amazing.

After a bad sleeping night I bought some cold & flu tablets this morning. I don't take medication much. I think suppressing symptoms can sometimes be a bad thing. Also I took a lot of medication when my shoulder was at its worst and then later found that a lot of people were having heart attacks on that drug and I think there was even a class action against the company. Anyway I took a couple of the day tablets and it has dried up my nose a bit but I feel kind of dizzy and hollow. I think I prefer just having the flu symptoms. But I am really frustrated with being sick for so long.

I'm still sticking to my food plan but it's been much harder for the past couple of days for some reason. Just my mood, I think. I want to comfort myself with food. I've nearly given in a few times but somehow struggled on. I think the tracking is helping - I have a chart with 5 boxes for vegetables, 2 for fruit etc that I fill in each day and I also always know what my main meals are going to be. I have the fruit and any leftover dairy for snacks. So I can look at my chart at any time and know what I have left outside my meals. Right now, after taking into account my upcoming dinner of fajitas (one in a tortilla, then more meat and salad wrapped in lettuce leaves) I know I can have one more fruit and one more dairy, and also have a fat serving left which I could use for a few nuts. So I can have something for afternoon tea and there will still be a little something left over for evening.

I've found it really helps me to have something in reserve. Even though I haven't usually been eating after dinner (off-plan, I used to eat a lot in the evenings!), I don't like the feeling that I am "not allowed" anything else until the next day. Knowing I could have a piece of cheese if I wanted to, or half a serve of fruit, keeps me feeling safe.

Frantic cleaning in preparation for maternal visit

Thursday:

I wasn't as "better" as I'd thought. I didn't exercise or houseclean yesterday, I had a nap in the afternoon instead. Then I had quite a bad night. But my mum was coming after lunch today so that gave me the morning to clean the house whether I felt up to it or not. And if you think I could just explain to her that I'd been sick, I'll laugh in your face.

I scrubbed the bathroom, did the grocery shopping quickly with the kids, came home and cleaned the kitchen and picked up and vacuumed the hall and lounge-room. Then collapsed. The kids' rooms are still a nightmare, and the study and games rooms are pretty bad, but at least the living areas are decent.

In the afternoon we dropped Aiden at gymnastics and took Jasmine to buy the make-up she needs for her upcoming dance recital. Foundation, powder, puffs to apply the powder, mascara, eye-liner, eye shadow, blush, a brush for the blush, lipstick, lip-liner. She's nine, people. NINE! I tried to get cheapish items but not too junky, and got a good mascara because that will be going right on her eyes. $85. Sigh.

She had some make-up already (given to her by other people), mainly vibrant eye shadows and nail polish, but she needed specific colours.

Seriously, I don't use half the stuff I had to get for her.

Weigh-in Wednesday: 78.7 kg. Maybe.

Wednesday:

Yesterday I was 78.1 kg. This morning I got on the scales and it read 79.1 kg. Arg! I didn't believe it. Tried again. 78.4. 78.5. 79.0. 78.7. 78.7.

I just can't trust my scales at all. I think it's because there isn't a flat uncarpeted floor anywhere. The kitchen is the best option (the bathroom floors all slope towards the drain grating) but I don't think it is really level.

It could be argued I shouldn't be weighing myself every day. But if I didn't already know that I can change by a kg overnight I would get an even worse shock on weigh-in day! And I can't not weigh myself at all, I need some measurement of success or failure.

I guess I need to find a scale I can trust and use that weekly or whatever. My old gym had one, surely this new one does somewhere? I'll ask.

Regardless of these issues, I am not losing weight. I want to scream at the world "Why not!" and then I think; well, we all know why. "It's not fair, I've already given up so much!!" Oh, you want to look at your privileged life and say it's not fair, Princess?

On with the show.

I bought extra milk when I knew my brother was visiting. He was here for slightly over 24 hours. In that time he drank about 5 litres (which is 1.3 gallons, apparently, 2 1/2 big bottles) of milk. Milkshakes, all of my hot chocolate, most of my tea bags (he has his tea half water half milk) and of course plain milk. I guess he won't be breaking any bones anytime soon.

Last night at D&D supper I had chips and a couple of cookies. Not a major pig-out but not as restrained as I should have been. The most exciting moment was when Tim knocked a half-full glass of red wine (his) all over me. I didn't react very quickly, just sat there gasping with soaked shirt and jeans and wine in my hair, while others saved my iPhone and the carpet. Luckily in my own home I had plenty of clothes to change into. I threw the others in the bath and have washed them today but have yet to see if it's all come out.

Very salty dinner last night (which may have contributed to today's weight gain), although otherwise healthy, of home-made san choy bow (bau?). Lean pork mince with finely chopped mushrooms, shallots, water chestnuts and baby corn. Soy sauce and oyster sauce and some beef stock. Wrapped in a lettuce leaf. I haven't made it for a few years and I thought the kids would be "euww, what are all the bits" and refuse to eat it but they both loved it.

Today was my first real school holiday day of just me and the kids. We went to Old Parliament House first. They had a kid's activity involving Lego blocks from 10.30 to 12. Aiden loves Lego. The building is part of the Parliamentary Triangle which is on the lake I like to walk around, lots of public buildings. The car parks were full of people going to work plus people doing school holiday things and people enjoying the sunshiney lake. We cruised around five or six big car parks for half an hour or so with no luck, eventually finding a spot under the Art Gallery. I guess art isn't as popular. Then we had a bit of a hike to get there. Then we were given a map of Old Parliament House and walked around in circles until a kind lady showed us the closed door that we should have gone through. Finally we got in at about 11.40, with the organisers saying, "ok, five more minutes then we will exhibit what we have made." Luckily Aiden didn't make a fuss about missing most of it, the two of them quickly built something together and showed it off with everyone else.

Back to the Art Gallery where we decided to have lunch, got lost wandering around the galleries even though I've been there quite often, had to ask for directions to the cafe. Very expensive not particulary good lunch that took a long time to come to the table, but the kids were happy because they got chips. And we had a nice chat. We talked about trying to enjoy life and finding the fun parts of everything, even sitting at a boring cafe table. I have such great kids. Got lost again on the way out and had to ask for directions again to find the car. It was a day of mazes.

Then off to Jasmine's choice, an activity at the Glassworks that I deludedly described as "having to make an insect". When we got there it was a little table in the corner -- they had to draw a picture of an inspirational insect, with the chance of getting it made out of glass if they won. I was ready for huge disappointment, it was just a table with some pencils and paper on it, but they seemed fine with it and were quite excited about the prospect of their drawing getting made out of glass. First we went to watch a guy make a paperweight, that was actually pretty good. Then I wandered around the gallery while the kids did their drawings. Some beautiful items there.

Then we drove home. On the way I nearly went the wrong way down a divided road and they may have heard me swear for the first time -- I almost never swear whether in front of the kids or alone -- but today they would have heard a little "shit, shit, shit" as I wove all over the road trying to get back.

So, sound like a bit of a disaster day? It wasn't. The only complaints were 1) that it was boring driving around and around looking for a parking spot and 2) it was too hot sitting in the car driving home. Both children seemed to have a good day and enjoyed their time out with mummy.  Can I say again I have great kids?

In the afternoon another guy came to quote for new roller blinds for the kids' bedroom windows as we hadn't liked any of the fabric the first place had. At least we had his quote of around $700 for both as something to compare this second guy with. The kids helped me choose some absolutely beautiful patterned textured material. Which turned out to be $1330. Each. Hmmm. (That was a bit funny, actually, because he was saying it was thirteen thirty and at first I thought he meant $13.30 per meter and I thought that even if that was only for the fabric, not the trimming or labour, it was going to work out pretty cheap.) We revised the choices, got a nice non-patterned blind for Aiden for lesss than half the price (his is completely broken and is permanently down and ripped so he really needs a new one asap), and ended up getting nothing for Jasmine who wasn't interested in the lesser fabrics. Her blind is a bit tatty but still functional, and we hope to move house soon anyway.

If anyone is still reading this epic, hi!

Went up and down lots of stairs today and my ankle is a little sore. Bummer. But it's not too bad.

Soldiering on

Saturday:

Aiden slept through the night and was much better today (eating but not playing much) but I was still pretty tired from the previous night's lack of sleep. I had another nap in the afternoon but I'm looking forward to bedtime.

I stuck to my calorie limit today, even not having any of the pikelets my husband made for afternoon tea. I did some shopping in the morning but didn't buy anything bad -- unless you count low-calorie muesli bars that I got for when I take the kids out on excursions. Easy and non-squishy, I figured better than buying something when out.

I did half an hour of Kinect Dance and went for a walk after dinner, so that was good too. I suppose the walk was not intense exercise but it was all I had the energy left for and it would have been easy to do nothing at all today so I am quite proud of what I achieved.

I'll look at my results for the week tomorrow at my weigh-in. Time to collapse in front of the TV.

Another day in the sickroom

Friday:

Aiden was sick all last night and we only got a couple of hours of broken sleep. He slept most of today, only threw up twice but maybe because there wasn't anything left in his stomach. Still, he is keeping down diluted apple juice now.

Lack of sleep is one of my biggest triggers for unhealthy habits and today I gave into that a bit. My mum took my daughter out for a while today and was doing some shopping for me as well but they weren't home when I would usually have lunch and I was tired and hungry, so I snacked on crackers with high-fat dip and then some chocolate. The "snack" was twice as many calories as my planned lunch would have been. I just had clear soup and half a bread roll when they did get back with the food, but I was still approaching my calorie limit only half-way through the day. I would have had to be extremely restrictive at dinner to stay under, and I decided not to worry about it. I had intended today to be a diet-free day originally as mum was going to take me and the kids to a restaurant for lunch, but she couldn't because of Aiden being sick. It feels like a waste, spending a diet-free day on a hurried snack, but that was just how today turned out.

I also didn't exercise today, I am just exhausted. I had two naps while Aiden was sleeping. Life sometimes gets in the way and that is ok, that is why I have my five days a week plan. Hopefully I will get a good night's sleep tonight and get back on track tomorrow. I hope my poor baby is feeling better soon.

Five-year-old vomit machine

Thursday:

A really draining day. My five-year-old son Aiden has been vomiting all day. In the past when he's been sick it's generally only lasted a few hours then he'd get better. Today he started around 9 am and is still puking more than 12 hours later. He sleeps for a while then wakes when the pain in his stomach gets bad. He can't be keeping down much fluid, which is worrying. Hopefully he will be better in the morning, otherwise we might have to think about dehydration issues.

So, I didn't do any vigorous exercise today. I suppose I could conceivably jumped around to the Kinect between cradling my baby's head and cleaning up vomit; but it just wasn't a priority today. I also had a seven-year-old daughter who I couldn't take out anywhere and who had no-one to play with. When my husband got home I went out for a walk in the evening air, timing it exactly between two vomiting sessions. My body was grateful for the movement, but I was very tired after only half an hour stroll. I am just amazed that I turned to exercise rather than food for refreshment of the spirit.

On the food front, I did really well today. I stayed under my calorie limit even though it would have been easy to eat junk for an energy hit or to distract myself, or just because I was too busy to worry about eating healthily. My breakfast wasn't so great, interrupted as it was by the first vomit of the day so that my abandoned cereal went soggy and I had nutrition-free cruskits; but then I had left-over extra-vegetable healthy fried rice for lunch and chicken and vegetable stir-fry for dinner. And a couple of pieces of chocolate. Not a bad effort.

I guess it is finally sinking in that healthy people eat healthy food, at least most of the time. Duh, huh? Pretty obvious. Elle, over on Prior Fat Girl, was talking about how before she started to lose weight she thought that when she reached her goal she would be able to dive back into all the foods she was craving, but now she realises that she can never eat that way again (and doesn't want to). Food is no longer the focus of her day. One day I'll get to that point.

Parenting skills

Wednesday:

A very healthy day. I made a sort-of fried rice for lunch with about half vegetables, cut up very small, and half brown rice. Labour intensive, but quite nice. Salad and lean lamb for dinner. Over an hour of exercise on the Kinect, at varying intensity.

In the afternoon I took the kids to "Let's Play", an indoor playground, for 2 1/2 hours. They had a great time and I was able to sit and read. Win win.

When I need a treat, I have a Toblerone "tiny" -- a mini chocolate fix for about 30 calories.

I watched a little bit of a show called "Fast Food Babies" tonight before I found it too frustrating that I couldn't smack the parents. They showed a 19-month-old toddler who had fast food at least five nights a week, unlimited access to a sweets cupboard, and up to six cans of cola a day. I think the mother had some kind of obsessive-compulsive disorder; she didn't like to cook because it was too messy, and spent all day every day cleaning the house. She was thin, her husband was the only overweight one in the family. It is scary to think about the child's future, on that diet.

I'm sure some people would think my kids have too much junk than is good for them -- none at all would be best, I've seen a forum where people were shocked that anyone would ever take their child to McDonald's -- but they also have lots of healthy food, they eat plenty of fruit and vegetables and we have take-away once a month or less. Soft drink is only for parties. I think there is big difference between that and take-away five nights a week.

The end of a big day

More Sunday:

I didn't have much food at the kids party I attended in the morning, although a little piece of birthday cake ends up having a lot of calories, but my calories for the day were completely blown out by lunch at Kingsley (like KFC). I only had two pieces of (fried) chicken and a few chips, but that was half of my daily allowance of food! For dinner I had a plate piled with roast lamb, one little piece of potato, and nothing else. Not a healthy day. When I tallied up my calories for the day it was over 2100; and worse, 52% of calories were from fat!

Even my days off need to be enjoyed in moderation. I definitely could have made better choices.

No exercise today, by the time we ferried the kids to two birthday parties and did some Christmas shopping and then I made dinner I was too exhausted to even go for a walk. The kids have been pretty hyperactive this evening, I hope there isn't a devestating post-sugar crash before they get to sleep. My little girl is especially prone to peaking then crashing after sugar binges and ending the day in tears.

Another Monday tomorrow -- back to healthy food and exercise. I weighed in at 79 kg this morning, I am determined to get under that and stay under it. End of this hovering around 79 for three months!

Student free day -- for teachers not for me

Thursday

Arg!

Today is a student-free school day so I have both kids at home. My plans for the day included putting them in creche and doing a BodyStep class (high intensity cardio!), then letting them have a swim in the heated kids' pool in the same building.

I lay in bed for an extra half an hour while the kids watched TV (getting up briefly so Tim could help me with my bra before he went to work), then after breakfast I noticed Tim had forgotten to put the bins out. As I was organising myself to do it, he called to tell me he had forgotten the bins (no problem) but also that he had found my keys in his pocket when he got to work. What the? He must have put them in his pocket when leaving the house, but why? He's never done that before. And my keys are always in the same place, sitting on top of my handbag, not somewhere he would usually mistake them for his.

The consequences are that I can't go to the gym or take the kids anywhere else -- no car keys and no house keys. It is also raining, so we can't even go into the backyard. Bummer. It's going to be a long day.