Work and study

 Hello hello, all is well here. I've neglected my blog, maybe because I got involved in a chat forum elsewhere and wasn't inspired to write about my life twice. 

My weight is the same, or worse. I haven't really been making any consistent effort. But the long cold rainy winter is nearly over, weather is warming up, and I'm hoping Spring in a couple of weeks will help. Also, I'm going to have my Mirena IUD removed. It may or may not have had any effect on my weight, more likely other circumstances like Covid lockdowns were more important, but is it coincidence that when I tried a slow-release contraceptive implant (Depo-Provera) 20 years ago I put on 10 kg, and when I tried this Mirena slow-release I also regained a lot of weight? I don't know. Worth a try.  

My casual work has been up and down, lots for the first three months of the year then nothing the second three months, but things are getting interesting. My favourite library asked me to start soon 3 days a week for 10 months, which is awesome. At the same time some permanent jobs became available, that I have applied for but haven't heard yet about. Only problem was, the one I'm most likely to get/want is only one day a week - and on the same day as my upcoming casual work. I've been torturing myself in advance - what if I have to choose between my favourite location 3 days a week (perfect!) but no job security, or one day a week further away but permanent and a foot in the door for increasing later? It's government (local) so once you have a permanent job you're pretty much set for life if you want. Then yesterday my casual boss called to say they'll only need me 2 days a week after all, which would be a bad thing except the one day they are dropping is the one day at the permanent job... so hopefully the universe is coming together and I'll get that job and do both. Fingers crossed.

I'm filling the other days with working on my Master of Information Studies (Librarianship) at Uni, online. It's three years part time. I'd thought about doing it for a while and have 'calendar regret' for not starting during Covid lockdowns when I wasn't working, having the degree would have made me eligible for an even better job going at the moment, but oh well there will be more opportunities in the future. I've done quite a lot of study in the past, but the level required for Masters did overwhelm me a little at first. My first essay I barely got a Pass, which was a shock! But my second got a Distinction so I'm on track now. 

Jasmine has her P plates now so drives herself to gymnastics 4 times a week plus dance group. Driving her around every day had become part of my routine and a felt a bit lost the first week without it. Do my kids even need me any more? But seems like a good thing now. But she needs her own car! 

I'd rather study than work

Tuesday:

Yet again I missed my book club due to having to talk to a pool tradesman. He was scheduled to come later, but rang to change the time. Tim was here but it's really best if we both talk to them. Book club is only an hour once a month, for goodness sake! I've missed so many, and at least three times due to the pool. Time to drop out of the group, I think, likely my TAFE course will interfere too. I hate being so unreliable.

I realised I won't be able to get to the general orientation meeting next week for my TAFE course so I've arranged to go in on Friday to sort out my timetable. I'm really looking forward to getting started! I love study, as you can probably tell by my frequent return to it. After high school I did a BA(Linguistics), worked for ten years, did a Cert II Horticulture course, had children, did a Grad Cert in Professional Writing and Editing, freelanced for a while, started a Bachelor of Nutrition but found it too lonely with all the teenagers, wrote a book, and now doing a Diploma of Library and Information Studies. I'd rather learn than work any day!

Decisions

Saturday:

(Probably a boringly long post about my life, sorry)

I gave myself the second half of last year to write my novel, no other commitments (other than being a wife and mother, of course). RSI restrictions meant I was writing only a couple of hours a day. I got to nearly half-way in that time, not as far as I'd wanted but still far further than I had ever reached and I was pretty happy with that achievement. I'd had struggles at the beginning, but I'd finally got into a bit of a groove.

Then mum told me about her cancer and I was a bit thrown by that and unable to do anything much for a little while. Then there was Christmas, and school holidays with the kids home all day which makes it hard to write. I've never been the most self-disciplined of people. I totally lost that groove of writing and was flailing around a bit wildly looking for something to do with myself.

So, bit of a spur of the moment thing, I decided to go back to uni and do a Bachelor of Human Nutrition (which is Science, I already have a Bachelor of Arts) just because I was interested in the subject because of my own obesity. I thought it might lead somewhere, although I didn't want to be a dietician. I knew I had until week 4 to make a final decision without having to pay anything or getting a fail for withdrawing.

Well, week 4 has arrived. And I've decided to drop out of uni and go back to finishing my novel.

I wasn't an easy decision. I've been enjoying studying and I've been doing well at it. But I've become more and more conscious of the enormous commitment in terms of both time and money, and for what at the end? No idea.

I'm not giving up on study. I'm refusing to give up on my novel.

And if I do one day go back to study more, why am I doing another undergraduate degree? I already have an undergraduate degree, and a graduate certificate. I should be progressing, not going backwards. And I'd like to have some idea about a career path before I embark on years of study and tens of thousands of dollars in fees.

And I feel a bit lonely at uni. More than I do at home, alone. When I did my first undergraduate degree I was the same age as everyone else and had a great social life. When I did my grad cert in Editing, half the class was mature aged women! We had a couple of outings, but mainly we all had young families to get home to, it was very much part time. But now I am there all day, and more than twice the age of all my classmates. That doesn't bother me in the classroom setting, and everyone is very friendly, but they are not my friends. I sit and have my lunch alone, and study alone, and have my cup of tea in the science centre alone. I don't need to join a study group for help, and if I joined and offered to help others then I'd feel like I'm masquerading as a teacher. I'm the same age as them! I think I've been mistaken for one a few times already. So one reason I went to uni was to be out of the lonely house and amongst people, but it's not really working out.

I already gave up one subject because I thought the study load would be too heavy, and doing three was ok for the first few weeks as long as I studied every night and all weekend, but now big assignments are looming as well. I'd never see my family. I worry about how to manage the weekends I need to visit my mum and yet still get my work done. And the stress probably isn't helping my blood pressure.

So, have I convinced you? I guess I'm trying to convince myself that I am not a slacker. Because I know I am, in many things. I'm going to get this novel finished and polished and prove everyone (ie myself) wrong.

Skipping class

Wednesday:

I've organised my sleep study for Friday. I have to spend an hour at the clinic to get instructed, then take the equipment home to do the test that night. So that will be interesting.

In Nutrition class this morning we did a practise 24 hour recall on each other in pairs, finding out what the other person ate yesterday then comparing it to the official guidelines of what we should eat. I was paired with a fit looking boy (I really can't think of these 19 and 20 year olds as men! Especially the ones with the funny little mustaches) so I had to squash down my embarrassment about what I ate yesterday. Tuesday is the worst day of the week, with take-away and then Dungeons and Dragons supper! But it turned out his diet wasn't any better. His food intake wasn't too terrible apart from almost no vegetables, but he also had 3 glasses of juice (bottled, not freshly squeezed) and three bottles of powerade - an energy drink that has 35g (7 teaspoons) of sugar in each bottle! A lot of his calories for the day came in liquid form.

On the other hand, his idea of a fairly sedentary day included two hours of teaching kids to swim and then participating in a basketball game. Oh, but that only went for 40 mins, he protested. Hardly anything. I wonder what his active days are like!

I had a funny moment with another "boy" yesterday. I was chatting to my lab partner in Biology after we'd finished our work and I was saying I could afford to study instead of working because my husband was a lawyer so we were doing ok. Then I thought that that sounded quite boastful, so to show how my life wasn't all perfect I said that being a lawyer meant I hardly ever got to see him. The guy looked a bit awkward for a minute and I suddenly wondered if he thought I was a cougar on the prowl! Oh, I'm so lonely, my husband is hardly ever home, I was wondering .... Arg! So I quickly moved on to another topic, a comment on how monotremes (the Australian echidna and platypus - which we had just been studying) don't have nipples, they exude milk from their abdomen and the babies lick it off. I mean, yes, very interesting, but now I'm talking about nipples? Luckily it was time to move on to the next task and we managed to get past the conversational quagmire.

By lunchtime today I was so tired I just couldn't face staying for a two hour Chemistry lecture. I love my Chemistry, but I couldn't do it. I'd done the reading and the homework and I was confident with the topic. I went home and crashed into my bed for two hours semi-sleep (no real sleep, but some dozing in and out) before having to get the kids. We are having some lovely cooler weather at the moment but my sleep continues to be terrible so it definitely isn't that. I really want to get this cleared up, I am barely functional.

Sleep deprivation plus PMS is emotionally challenging. This morning my daughter put on the soundtrack to "Frozen" and there is an early scene where a little girl, Anna, doesn't understand why her big sister won't play with her anymore. They are keeping from her that Elsa has dangerous uncontrolled magic and is afraid of hurting her little sister. Anna is singing to a closed door...

"I never see you any more, Come out the door,
It's like you've gone away.
We used to be best buddies, now we're not...
I wish you would tell me why!
Do you want to build a snowman?
It doesn't have to be a snowman...
(Go away Anna)
Ok, bye."

I was literally in tears.

Fruitful weekend

Sunday:

I had a couple of good nights sleep this weekend which set me up for a productive couple of days. I'm still going to see the doctor tomorrow morning, last time I cancelled an appointment after some decent sleep but then the bad times came straight back. But I've felt pretty good.

I was finally strong enough to throw out the rest of that chocolate frosting (my kids and I had had one more go at it, then put it back in the fridge, earlier in the week) AND most of a packet of chocolate biscuits that someone else left here AND a family sized block of chocolate that no one but me liked and it wasn't anywhere near my favourite type so not worth the calories. So that was a good start to de-junking the house a little bit. I'm trying to turn the eating around. Resisting is much easier when I am not beaten down from lack of sleep.

Then I spent many hours studying which was very fruitful. I got a good handle on last week's Chemistry and did the online quiz and got 90%. I did that online Maths test that I had to get 80% in to continue in Chemistry, and got 100%! I am very proud of that, I worked damn hard for it. I went over and over every module until I was really confident with it all and it paid off. Over the degree I get four electives which I can choose from any subject and I am thinking about doing some Maths.

Then I read ahead for the coming week's Chemistry and Biology and answered the questions and examples in the textbooks and watched an online video and printed out all the stuff I need for this week's labs. It is kind of daunting that I will have to do this much every weekend to keep on top of it all (if I want to do really well, which I do) but I am enjoying it too. I love learning. And it gives me a purpose in life, which I haven't had for a little while.

So basically I did uni work all weekend while Tim minded the kids and did a fair bit of the cooking and housework too.

It wasn't exactly a fun weekend but it was a good one because I felt like I accomplished a lot.

My mum is doing really well, and we helped her buy a new dishwasher when we were last there so that and getting a cleaner in every week means she can relax and not worry about much housework. She can save her energy for things she actually wants to do. And she has a lot more energy now since the radiotherapy.

Here's to a new week.

Party weekend

Monday:

Big weekend. My daughter had her birthday party - she turned 10 several weeks ago but this year we decided to wait until school started so all her friends would be back from holidays as we've had problems with that before. The party was a huge success. Exhausting for the adults, as we spent the whole morning cleaning. I ate party food, and now have a ulcer on my tongue. I always get them if I have a lot of sugar. That chocolate frosting was yummy though (I make it myself, so at least I know what is in it. Um, quite a bit of sugar).

One thing that annoyed me was the lateness of one child's parents picking her up. The party was advertised from 2 until 4 pm. One child was picked up at 5.30! Does that seem really rude, or is it just me? I was getting worried, but the girl indicated her mother was often late. There's late and then there is late. What if we'd had other plans? They just played quietly in Jasmine's room so I guess it didn't matter, but it did to me. I couldn't really relax.

My brother-in-law stayed over the weekend. On Sunday we went to the local annual Agricultural Show. Saw sheep and alpacas and the kids had a pony ride (first time, very exciting) and watched the dog sporting events and people doing tricks on motorbikes. For the first time in my entire life I didn't get a Show Bag for myself! Only for the kids. Usually it's my favourite thing. Like it is a license to eat as much junk as you want, just because it comes in a Show Bag. Faulty thinking. But not this year. Not that I can claim any virtue in my current eating habits. Still terrible. Only the mouth ulcer is stopping me. A bit.

Uni is going really well. I passed the Biology assessment test which means I don't have to do the extra bridging classes - Year Ten Biology 27 years ago plus brains got me through! Yay. Go me. And I got 100% on the first Chemistry quiz for week 1. I've also worked my way through all the Maths modules and I feel ready to do that test (have to get 80% to be allowed to continue Chemistry). However I have withdrawn from Anatomy as I've decided four subjects is too much, and I couldn't get to the lecture for that one so it was the logical one to drop. I will do it in winter term, which is a short teaching period sandwiched between the two semesters. A bit intense, but I'll only be doing that one subject so it should be ok.

University!

Wednesday:

Back at university this week, starting my three year Bachelor of Human Nutrition (or longer than three years if I can't handle full time). I haven't had a lot of "real" learning yet, it's mostly been covering the unit outlines, talking about the assignments, safety in the Science lab, that kind of thing. And not all of my tutorials have started yet, so I don't really know how hectic it is going to be. We'll see.

Today was funny, it had been overcast all day and when I was in my Chemistry lecture in the afternoon there was a sudden violent downpour. The lecture hall is a big, brand-new building; very snazzy although I find the chairs uncomfortable (and if I was any bigger I wouldn't fit in them at all, especially not with the desk pulled up in front of me, as it is it digs into my stomach a bit. I'm a bit offended by this on behalf of all overweight people as I don't consider myself too fat for a chair and they shouldn't assume all students are willowy). Anyway, when the rain had been falling hard for only a few minutes, water started fountaining up from the side wall down near the front. I mean fountaining, literally like someone turned a pretty fountain on there. People quickly moved away from that bit and the lecturer called whoever on the phone to come deal with it then tried to go on although we could hardly hear her over the storm. Then directly opposite that wall, another fountain started on the other side. I don't know where it was coming in - maybe a grill to allow water to drain out? And then we noticed water coming in around the high windows as well (they might have been open a bit for all I know). The security guy came and looked at the fountains but not much he could do. By the time we left (the rain had stopped by then), there was water all over the floor at the lowest bit of the room, where the lecturer is at the front. Could have been dangerous with the electrical equipment, which I didn't think of until after I have sloshed through it to the door. Anyway, it livened up the lecture a bit.

I've been doing a bit of walking because the uni is quite spread out and I have classes a long way away from each other and from the car, and so far I have resisted buying any food there. But I have been eating badly at home and not exercising apart from that. Getting up half an hour early to exercise hasn't worked out, you need more than half an hour to do half an hour of exercise (to allow for shower and change). Two days I have to get up that early for uni anyway, and another day I got up and put on the slow cooker which took half an hour but did mean I didn't get takeaway that night so I guess that was a good use of my time. But I need to work out something else for exercise - getting up even earlier? (urg, really really don't like that idea), exercising in the evening (but I study then, and also I'm tired) ... I'm not trying to be defeatist, just need to sort myself out. Maybe straight after school? Or just walk around uni even more for the time being. I was carrying my laptop today as well as some books and it was hard work!

The day before my Monday weigh in I was down to 82.5 kg but the very next morning the scale had bounced back up to 83.2! So officially I gained 0.2 kg last week.

Tiny bit of yoga

Thursday:

Today I woke up and lay in bed for a while, needing to go to the bathroom but thinking I would wait until it was time to get up because it would give me extra motivation to get out of bed. Eventually I glanced at the clock. And it was PAST time to get up already! I have no idea why I didn't look at the clock earlier instead of lying there kind of wishing it was time to get up so I could go to the bathroom already ...

I didn't have time to get in a walk so instead I did my eight and a half minute yoga video. A few stretches to start the day. I really noticed the tightness in my hips. And my shoulders. And just about everywhere else. I find yoga totally boring but I should incorporate at least that mini hatha more often.

I spent most of the day at Uni. It is Orientation Week and I was expecting lots of stalls for clubs and societies and local businesses giving out free pens. They had that last time, in 2009. I joined what turned out to be a non-existent drama club and lost my $10 joining fee. But today there was one stall of volunteers ready to show people around, and one group of Christians. Nothing else. Perplexing. It was the same on Monday but I thought I was just there too early that day. But no.

I did some study in the library as didn't want to lug the huge hardcover Anatomy book home, and bought my lab coat and some other stuff. The kids were very exited about my lab coat. But as soon as I tried it on I realised I'm going to have to wear this hot heavy thing through the rest of summer. I hope those labs are air conditioned.

When I got home I planned to do some Maths study then fold those clothes that still haven't folded themselves from the other day. The internet went down when I had just started a module, and while I was giving it a few minutes to come back I fell asleep. Sitting up in my chair. For about 45 minutes.

I spend enough time in bed each night, I am pretty sure it is just the heat. It doesn't seem normal to need to have a nap nearly every afternoon. If it doesn't resolve when the weather cools down I will have to investigate further.

A bit over 7000 steps again, and under my calories (giving myself 1600 atm).

Up early

Monday:

Getting up half an hour early wasn't too painful. I got dressed while still half asleep. I went out for a walk, which was lovely at first because it was still fresh and cool. By the end of 30 mins brisk walk I was hot and sweaty, but that is as it should be. Didn't like coming inside though - it felt about 10 degrees hotter in the house! It's just not cooling down much overnight.

After walking the kids to school (another 10 mins) I popped in to uni to buy my Biology textbook. It was (always is) a fair walk from the car into the "hub", call it another 20 mins including up and down four flights of stairs. So that is a total of an hour walking I did this morning! Not a bad start.

It looks like I might be doing all four subjects this term, a full time study load. They opened another Anatomy tutorial at a great time for me. I still can't attend the lecture but I will see how I go watching it online instead. Four subjects might be too much, I have until the end of week 4 to withdraw without penalty.

Next I did the grocery shopping, and I was so tired by then! Tired feet, tired body, sore hips (which hadn't been hurting me at all during the time I wasn't exercising, it feels like tight ligaments or something? Hopefully regular exercise will resolve it.). Had my banana and then went to five shops all over the centre with no success in finding the things I was looking for. Lots more walking. Finally the groceries. Lots of healthy things. You know those days when you are proud of your trolley and wouldn't mind if your doctor happened to walk past and glance in?

I had planned to cook myself a quick chicken and vegetable stir fry for lunch but I was much too tired for that; I had a cheese and salad sandwich with the beautiful fresh bread I had just bought. Then collapsed in front of the Olympics; figure skating and the luge. Wished something boring like hockey would come on so I could have a nap. It didn't, and despite the fact that figure skating is my absolute favourite, and also despite the fact I should have been studying, I fell asleep for an hour and a half. Much longer than my usual nana naps. Got the kids from school, watched some ski jumping with them, went up to the bedroom to fold four baskets of clean clothes ... and lay on the bed instead for another half an hour. Just so tired. My husband and I have both been sleeping really badly all summer.

We've moved Dungeons and Dragons to Mondays so I had to negotiate the supper table. I provided some mixed nuts so I had quite a few of those; high calorie but nutritious. I did well avoiding other stuff except for the chips. But I didn't have as many as usual, and over all I did much better than most weeks. About 500 calories total supper when often it can be over 1000. Hmm, I really need to start thinking in kilojoules instead of calories.

Over 10000 steps today!

Cool

Wednesday:

The kids went back to school yesterday. Jasmine is in year 5, Aiden in year 2. Her teacher is new to the school so I don't know about her yet, but very happy with Aiden's. Last year he had a stern, rather shouty teacher and he was scared of her. This year's teacher is lovely.

We are having a brief cool change here, it will heat up again from tomorrow, and I am revelling in two days of respite from the heatwave. I feel so much more alert and comfortable. And I had my first decent night's sleep for weeks.

I still have another week before uni starts. I'll be using the time to get a bit ahead on the reading. I mean, have you seen my Chemistry textbook? Well over a thousand pages of solid information. I'm trying to become familiar with some basic concepts so that I don't flounder once classes start.

Looking forward to watching the winter Olympics.

Understanding Nutrition

Friday:

Uni doesn't start for a couple of weeks but I've read Chapter One of my Introduction to Nutrition textbook and since this is mainly a health/weight-loss I though you might be interested in what I am learning.

Understanding Nutrition, Whitney et al, Cengage Learning, 2011

Chapter One was an introduction and overview and didn't really contain new information for me, but it was reassuring to have some familiar concepts reinforced (as opposed to my Biology textbook which was nearly all new stuff).

It went through some reasons why people make food choices; including taste, habit and social/cultural conventions among others. It went on to list the macro and micro nutrients (proteins, fats, vitamins etc) and talked about kilojoules/calories. In Australia we officially use kilojoules, but a lot of people including myself think in terms of calories so I will need to get used to kilojoules (1 kilojoule = 4.2 calories).

Here is a fun fact, what most people call calories are actually kilocalories. The name has been shortened which is very inaccurate - imagine if we started calling kilometres "metres" because it is a shorter word! Not the same thing at all.

Then there was a brief discussion of the role of food in the body, ie not just to provide energy but also the raw materials for building and repairing the body and dozens of other things. It touched briefly on the importance of water, which will be discussed more fully later in the book. My biology text also emphasised the role of water in just about every process in the human body. It has vital differences to every other liquid and is essential on the cellular level. It's not just there to flush out salt and keep blood flowing! Lots of the molecules in your cells (or was it all of them?) can't even attach to each other without water. We'd just fall apart.

The authors talked about what constitutes valid, reliable research and how we know whether we can trust new information, ie peer reviewed journal articles vs claims on a website trying to sell you a weight loss protein bar.

Finally they discuss how recommended dietary intakes are established, including how more of an essential vitamin does not mean better, and talk about how to do a nutrition assessment of an individual or a population.

The book includes access to a website with quizzes and stuff but, frustratingly, I haven't been able to log in yet. I'm really impressed by the book though, it is very clear and interesting so far. It seems to get across a lot of information without being overwhelming.

School holidays

Thursday:

Tim is back at work this week and the kids are at home. Our daily pattern has been that I do some reading for the Aurealis Awards in the morning (running out of time to get that finished!) while my children play very nicely together - I am very lucky that my children get along well and enjoy each other's company. Or not "lucky" so much. I chose great genes for them by marrying my husband and then we are both wonderful parents, or I have to assume so from the way our kids have turned out! Lately they have spent a lot of time pretending to be puffles, whatever kind of creature that may be.

Then after lunch we have some kind of outing. We saw "Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs 2" the other day, yesterday went to the library then a big outdoor playground at the Arboretum, today we went to an indoor playground with giant slides and a jumping castle and ball pit and all that kind of stuff. First we stopped off at the uni library and I borrowed the Biology textbook I'll be using this year so I read that for the two and a half hours we were at Kid City. I haven't done Biology since Yr 10 in high school, which was ... 1986? I didn't do Biology for the last two years of high school, I did Physics and Chemistry because I thought I wanted to be a doctor and those were prerequisites for the  Medical course. Ended up doing Linguistics instead, so it didn't matter anyway.

I keep finding more things to worry about with going back to uni, the latest one being that the uni holidays don't coincide with the kids' school holidays. But I am going to push on and see how it goes.

One benefit of going to this particular uni is that it is less than 10 mins drive away. The downside is that it looks like a conglomeration of mismatched concrete boxes. My first tertiary institution, Sydney Uni, was/is a beautiful place; all lovely gothic stone with gargoyles like somewhere in England. I felt inspired just being there, like I was a part of history. Canberra Uni is just ugly. Oh well, I can balance that against 10 mins travel instead of the 90 mins I used to have in my picturesque youth.

Feeling a lot more cheerful today, and a lot less likely to bite someone's head off.

Happy New Year

Wednesday:

Happy New Year everyone!

After a troubled night's sleep due to the heat, I got up and did an 8 minute standing yoga session then a 30 minute walk so that was a good start to the New Year. I didn't actually enjoy the exercise; yoga is difficult and boring (I am getting so old and creaky!) and outside was hot and full of flies ... but I did it anyway! Tick.

I just read through the last couple of years' NY resolution posts and it was a bit depressing. Same talk of weight loss, finishing my novel, drinking more water etc. Things I still haven't achieved. I weigh more now than I did in either of the previous two years. I think reading those posts was a bad idea. Forget them and look forward.

Starting weight for 2014 is 82.5 kg.

I worked out my Uni timetable and full time would be five pretty full days, with three days going past the end of my children's school hours, requiring after-school childcare. And that is not including study or assignments. No time for writing my novel, grocery shopping without kids, exercise, helping kids with homework or anything else. And the children already have extra-curricular swimming lessons, dance, karate, and violin to fit in. I am going to investigate part time. It will take a lot longer, of course, but who knows what tomorrow will bring? For now, I just can't manage 19 face-to-face hours per week plus study and homework. I have a course advice session this Friday so I will be able to chat to someone.

Holiday snaps

Sunday:

Spent today washing several suitcases worth of dirty clothes, wrapping the last few Christmas presents, and relaxing. Doing all my share of the Christmas cooking tomorrow.

I weighed myself this morning, 81.5kg which is my pre-tummy-bug weight so I think I did ok considering we ate out several times a day for a week.

Here are a couple of photos of me on our holiday.

Aiden and I on a ride at SeaWorld. Aiden flew very safely so that I wasn't scared.

At the beach with Aiden and Jasmine.

 

I received my acceptance letter from Uni last night, so I can study Bachelor of Human Nutrition next year if I want. Still a little hesitant, I'm worried about three more years of me not earning anything, in fact with fees and maybe some after-school care for the kids it would be a drain on our finances. Also I'm only halfway through writing my novel but doing well enough that I want to continue with it. It is partly dependant on if Tim decides he just can't stand the work he is doing any longer and we both end up as check-out chicks! At the moment he earns enough for us both, but it is a very high stress job and we're not sure what is going to happen if he doesn't find another job soon in the same field. Uni starts in Feb and I have until mid-Feb to back out without paying anything or registering a fail. Mum's health is another issue. I love study but I'm just not sure at the moment.

 

Mum's oncologist gave her a much better prognosis than I expected. Apparently it is grade 1 cancer, the easiest to treat, and the tumours are feeding on oestrogen so they are giving her one pill a day to block the oestrogen production. Hopefully the tumours will shrink and then they can do radiotherapy on the bone and breast tumours. No lengthy chemo in hospital, and she shouldn't feel too sick. So that is great news. At the moment she is having a lot of trouble walking any distance (like the long corridors in the hospital to have tests!) which is bad but will hopefully improve with this therapy. Such a relief, I was really bracing myself for much worse news.

 

Only three sleeps until Christmas!



Chemistry

Thursday:

This afternoon I went in to uni and put in my application for a Bachelor of Human Nutrition. I should hear within a week whether I got in (I can't see any reason why I wouldn't). I'm still pretty unsure about the whole thing. I love study, but it sounds like a huge investment of time and hard work too, for uncertain benefit. I didn't even like Chemistry in High School (although I believe that was due to a terrible teacher) and it's the first subject I have to do. What if I don't shine? The school year starts at the beginning of Feb, and I have a few weeks after that to withdraw without paying any fees so I don't really have to decide, now that I've got my application in.

Cost is another factor. We have a deferred payment scheme here for uni, you don't have to pay anything until you start to earn a certain amout of money per annum, but it's still thousands of dollars in the end. And in the meantime there are other costs like textbooks. We can afford it, but I would hate to feel like I have wasted a lot of time and money if it doesn't lead anywhere.

My husband and I both agreed that I would stay home and look after the children when they were little, he earned a lot more than me and my RSI was starting to get really bad at that stage so it was a good time for me to quit my job. But now the kids are older (9 and 7) and I feel like I should start contributing some money to the household. I'm feeling guilty about that, and worried about the continuing problems of my RSI, and just generally uncertain. But Tim says he's happy for me to go and do more study.

It was another day that I thought would be relaxed but turned out to be quite busy (but both more productive and more enjoyable than yesterday). In the morning a friend/work contact called (she got me the public service job earlier this year) and asked me to come to a nearby café for a chat. The last two times she called I wasn't able to, so it was important I went today or she might think I was avoiding her. Tim had the car so I walked to the café. I was quite hungry but didn't want something sweet (they have beautiful looking cakes at this café but I never seem to be there at a good time to have one!) and she suggested we share a breakfast. I thought this a slightly odd suggestion for non-family but agreed to it and we got bacon & poached eggs and divided it onto two plates. It was very nice and a great idea to share - I didn't even quite finish my half!

We talked for an hour then I walked home again - she offered me a lift both ways but I walked to get a little exercise in - and it was starting to get really hot. I did a bit of reading for the comp I'm judging and had lunch then my husband brought the car home for me (he'd been at a different work location than usual) and rode his bike in to his normal office. I had to go into uni in person because their system wouldn't let me apply online - I was caught between "you've been to this uni before so you have to use your old details" and "you are not currently a student so you can't use your old details". It was one of the more frustrating things yesterday that I spent a lot of time on both online and over the phone.

I was at this uni in 2009 for my Grad Cert, but since then they have changed the whole parking system and I could no longer get in to the first two parking areas I went to. I ended up parking on the street and walking some distance. Then I couldn't find the Student Centre and wandered around a bit. After putting in my application I went over to look at the buildings I would be in, at the opposite end of the uni to where I was last time because that was Arts and this is Science. I had thought of having a chat to someone about career prospects if there was anyone around, but then I had a drink from a bubbler and got water all down my front so I was feeling rather less inclined to seek out a future teacher. Walked all the way back to the car which was now an oven and picked up kids from school, feeling a bit wiped out from the heat. Really stinky hot day.

I need to work out how I am going to keep writing during school holidays. Aiden likes me to pay attention to him when he is home so I struggle to concentrate on writing when he is not at school. And the kids deserve my attention, of course. But don't want to put the novel aside for six weeks over summer! And there have been quite a few days like yesterday and today when I haven't got any writing done before they get home. I need something to distract them with.

Human Nutrition

more Tuesday:

I've been wondering for a while what I am going to do next in life. I am busy writing my novel and want to continue with that, but it is not really a good way to earn an income even if I do manage to sell it to a publisher after a lot of editing and polishing (and I'm only a third of the way through after nearly five months). Freelance editing fiction is great in terms of flexibility, but barely makes enough money to be worthwhile. Editing for the government pays a lot better, but my RSI doesn't let me do even normal part-time of about five hours a day - and it would be very difficult to find a job that offers less hours than that.

I've thought about going back to Uni (again). My undergraduate degree is in Linguistics and I did a Grad Cert in Editing in 2009. I considered more Linguistics, but where would that lead? So now I'm thinking about ... Bachelor of Human Nutrition.

It is what interests me at the moment, after all. It's a science degree, with Chemistry, Biology and Anatomy as well as more specifically nutritional subjects. I haven't done science since High School!

I still don't really know where it would lead. Food science, writing for health magazines, some kind of research. I need something only partly dependant on desk work so my RSI wouldn't be a problem. It means three more years where I'm not earning income, keeping the burden of that squarely on my husband's shoulders. Or six years part time. Part time uni plus part time work as a check-out chick or something that wasn't at a desk? Can I continue writing while I study or would that be too much typing? I haven't worked it all out yet. But I love studying, and learning, and the whole atmosphere of uni.

I called my mum this afternoon, I haven't spoken to her for a few days. She still isn't feeling at all well (she had an undiagnosed kidney infection, now on antibiotics) and is going back to the doctor tomorrow. She lives four hours away so I can't just drop in, but we'll go and see her this weekend. My brother lives with her but he's no help, he just makes her life more difficult. I suppose at least he could call someone in an emergency. She was lying down the whole time she was talking to me and didn't sound good at all. Worrying.