Therapist

Wednesday:

I saw the therapist person today. She was nice, but I didn't find the session particularly helpful. I have an appointment to see her again in a fortnight, but I'm not sure if I'll go or not. We basically agreed that mood issues I'm having are probably mainly due to lack of sleep and maybe hormones. I'm seeing the gyno soon/eventually about the hormones. She had a couple of suggestions about sleep but I don't know if I will use any of them.

Firstly she has a deep breathing technique to use when going to sleep; in through the nose, hold for as long as possible (she demonstrated about 20 seconds which is a long time), then out through the mouth. So for starters, I can't open my mouth while I have a CPAP on (if I use it, which I told her I was, I didn't go into the fact I'm actually sleeping better without it because I didn't want a lecture but I did say I only wear it for a few hours and why, which is true when I am using it) so I can't do that. She suggested trying in and out through the nose. But isn't holding my breath so long the opposite of what the CPAP is trying to achieve? If I want that effect I can just leave off the CPAP and let my sleep apnoea deprive my brain of oxygen without the effort.

Secondly she suggested getting Melatonin, it can help restore sleep patterns. I've heard of that before, but I looked it up after the session and it seems to be contra-indicated in sleep apnoea because it can relax the muscles too much. Also it can make depression (and diabetes) worse. The site I looked at said over and over to only take with doctor supervision. So I am not trying that without checking with my GP first, I don't know what qualifications the therapist has. She didn't have "Dr" in front of her name.

And thirdly St John's Wort, a herbal medication, is something she's had success with. But she wasn't suggesting that right away, maybe later. And when I looked it up, it can interfere with a lot of medication, including birth control. So, again, not something I would take without checking with my GP.

The other thing she suggested was me getting out and meeting people more. She pushed yoga, which I have no interest in, but I countered with Tai Chi which I've wanted to try for a while. I did try to contact one place at the start of the year but they never got back to me and I didn't follow it up. Oh, and she suggested seeing a podiatrist about my foot since it was preventing me getting out and about or exercising. I'm giving this treatment a couple more days, then I think I will, it was one of the options I've planned to try.

Overall it was quite a pleasant chat but no new information and I think she talked more than I did so it wasn't like the sessions you see on TV where they get you to talk about your childhood. It was all her giving advice.

Results and referrals

Friday:

I saw my GP Dr Miller again today. The results for the glucose tolerance test are in, down to 8.9 mmol/L after being 10.8 last year (11.0 is diabetes). Still in the pre-diabetic zone but much better. My blood sugar diet and losing a bit of weight seem to be helping.

She has referred me to a gynaecologist about the fibroids but they can't see me until late July.

We also discussed my mood and she has referred me to a psychologist(?) who will see me in about three weeks. She seemed to think I have a tendency towards depression, exacerbated by recent major life events i.e. the deaths of both my parents and then the move to another state where I have no friends. I lean more towards the hormonal explanation and I feel a bit of a fraud in a way because I'm not really that depressed. I know what depressed is like. And I'm a lot better with anti-menopause tablets. But I am very willing to go and talk to someone about it. Can't hurt.

She also told me off for not using my CPAP.

I like this doctor, it's a shame she's only at the clinic until the end of July.

Ate well again today. I don't know how to number this anymore. It's supposed to be an eight week diet. I did eight weeks back in Jan/Feb but by the end I wasn't really sticking to it at all. I started again seven and a half weeks ago - two days left of this eight week cycle. But I had nearly a week off with the carb loading so I haven't really done eight weeks... oh bugger it whatever. I'll just keep going.

Time to talk

Tuesday:

I saw my doctor this morning for a routine pap smear. I am seeing her again on Friday to talk about how I'm feeling.

Last week when I was listing all my issues to Dr Miller I was surprised when she jumped on depression. To me, it was something recent that the herbal menopause medicine was helping control. But I let her schedule an appointment to discuss it. Since then, I've been looking over some blog posts to get dates of various physical tests I've had in the past, and have found the words "depressed", "sad" and "unable to cope" come up a lot more often than I expected over the past few years. Of course twelve years ago I had quite severe Post Natal Depression with my first child. And before that had depression when I had my serious ongoing shoulder pain when I couldn't even dress myself or do much of anything and had to quit my job and go through the whole stressful compensation process. And finally today I suddenly realised that I should probably include when I was a teenager and used to cut myself. So I guess, yes, you could say I have a history. And it might be time to do something about it.

I'm not sure if talking to anyone will help. Right now, there isn't anything specifically wrong to talk about. It's not like when I was a child and my family was falling apart, or later when I was in constant pain and worried I'd never be able to work again - back then I probably could have used a therapist (an independent one who wasn't paid by Comcare to do anything to get me off worker's compensation). I assume it's my hormones. What would I say? "I feel a bit sad for no particular reason." And I'm not feeling too bad since I started taking the herbal tablets, just a general lack of enthusiasm for life, a difficulty with getting on with things. But I'm willing to listen to what my GP suggests, she may refer me to someone else. I'm certainly not against "talking therapy", I'm just not sure if it will be useful to me at the moment.