Empty house

Saturday:

Usually during the week there is the hustle and bustle of getting the kids ready for school, then they and my husband are gone and the house is quiet. It is nice, peaceful.

Today (Saturday) there was the hustle and bustle of getting the kids organised, then they and my husband were off for the day. And the house feels empty and lonely and cold.

I didn't go with them because I've been sick for a few days. Still washed-out and a bit unwell today and I didn't want to pass on my germs (especially to my baby niece) and I couldn't cope with being social all day either. The plan was originally to go for the whole weekend but they are coming back tonight, which is nice.

The house is missing them already.

Lots more walking, a possible first race

Sunday:

I did two short walks on Friday and spent a lot of time reading more about prediabetes, this fairly recent book (Diabetes & pre-diabetes handbook, Brand-Miller et al, 2007) was all about how low-GI is more important than anything else in blood glucose management. Very informative, but there is so much info out there I'll be interested to see what the Diabetes ACT people have to say. When I had gestational diabetes in 2006 they did emphasise low-GI, so I think that is the current guideline. It changes every couple of decades as the scientists find out more about how the human body works.

The other thing I did on Friday was start a really detailed food diary, handwritten instead of just using CalorieKing, with columns for protein, carbs etc. The guidelines are for 15-20% of calories coming from protein, 20-35% from fat with less than 10% from saturated fat, and 45-65% from carbs. Also 25-35 g of fibre (part of carbs). I did well on that first day, around 1600 calories and close to those percentages but with not nearly enough fibre.

Yesterday Tim & the kids went off camping for the weekend. I could have gone, of course, but camping really isn't my thing. I like my comforts! Tim's brother and father were going too, and turned out my sister-in-law went even though she is about 5 months pregnant. But I didn't want to, so I didn't. By the time they left at around 10 am I was feeling quite unwell, headachy and stomach cramps. I wasn't actually sick, just a very difficult TOM (I've had issues since I was a teenager and used to have sick days home from school every month, the pill usually helps but not these past few days) but apart from walking up to the school to vote in the local elections I didn't get out of the house.

I watched the last Harry Potter movie on DVD and had a good cathartic cry over Snape, always my favourite character. My dad called on the phone during the most intense scene and I had to choke back my sobs.

My calories and nutritional balance were looking ok until after dinner. I was lonely. I turned to my buddy saturated fat. And had nearly 1000 calories worth of crackers, salsa, camembert and chocolate. Not so healthy.

Luckily every dawn is a new day and I was fine this morning. (Tim texted to say the kids were having a great time but he had one of the worst nights sleep ever, I'm so glad I didn't go! They will be home soon.) I got out for my training walk, supposed to be 45 mins plus warm up and cool down, I did well over an hour. Up and down hills too. I planned where I was going to go, but after a while turned off onto an interesting-looking path that wound around a suburb I hadn't walked in before, so that was nice. I definitely need to ramp up the intensity of these training sessions though. And do some weight-training in between -- back to BodyPump on Monday.

While out walking I saw a sign about a 3 km (or 6 km) fun run/walk that is on two weeks from today. Will I be ready for 3 km? I guess I can just walk as much as needed. I'll just check the date with Tim before I sign up. But I don't really see any barriers. My first race. How exciting.

Struggles

Thursday:

Sometimes I think working from home is a really bad idea. It was/is practical with two young children, but so isolating. My husband works long hours and I often go days without seeing anyone else for more than a few words at school pick-up. When my closest friend here, who I try to get together with once a week, has only been available about one week in three lately now that she's working full-time; and my husband is away for a couple of nights, I feel really lonely and alone.

I've thought about getting part-time work somewhere that I would see people, hopefully still as an editor, but there are two reasons why it's not a great option right now. Firstly my old RSI problem is still a problem if I spend long hours at the computer -- working for myself I can take lots of breaks -- and secondly we are trying to move states soon, dependant on my husband finding work there. I feel like my life is a bit on hold while waiting for that.

Feel depressed today. Don't know how I am going to lose this weight. I have thought about not taking on any new clients, and when I finish this job (with one more coming some indefinite time in the future) just devoting myself to exercise. Just walking or something for five hours a day.

I don't think I am very good at working for myself anyway. I spend far too much time wasting time, as I have no boss watching me. I charge clients by the word, not the hour, so I am not cheating them; but I'm not very efficient with my time these days. So different from the old me. I used to be so organised, so conscentious, always on-time. Now I am unmotivated and lazy. My health is suffering and my mental health is suffering. I need to change something.

Time to pick up the kids and go to the gym. I'd rather just crawl into bed and pull the covers over my head. Wake up in 100 years like sleeping beauty to find everything has miraculously changed.