Nightmares and hunger

Thursday:

So this Monday my weight was back up to 71.2 kg (same today), regaining what I lost the week before. I've been hovering around this same weight for about three months now. Definitely time to take a break from Duromine (phentermine). It's clearly not doing anything/much anymore - except maybe helping me maintain - and my body needs a break from the dry mouth and high blood pressure. If/when I start it again later hopefully it will work again. I'm not sure why my doctor is so keen for me to keep using it - expect for the maintenance - when at the moment the negatives seem to outweigh the positives. Duromine isn't magic, it's just an appetite suppressant, it's still probably doing that a bit but I often eat for reasons other than appetite!

Monday:

My goodness Monday again already. Well this morning I weighed 71.5 kg, up a little. After a couple of days with no Duromine I definitely got a lot hungrier - actual hunger with my stomach making lots of grumbling noises - and I have been eating more. So I guess the pills were still suppressing my appetite before. It’s also the middle of winter which makes ‘comfort food’ more appealing. I’m hoping the hunger will settle down.

The other change is that my peri-menopausal night sweats and bad dreams started up again, as they always do when I stop Duromine. Better sleep was one of the best things about the medication. Usually without the Duromine I have one episode a night, three or four nights a week, where I have a weird frustrating dream and wake up drenched in sweat. And that happened Saturday night. But last night was so much worse. Really horrible bad dreams all night, usually they are just frustrating but these were everything from being scarily followed at night, fighting off aliens on a space ship with both sides getting heads blown off, having to deal with a really horrendous blocked overflowing toilet at my Grandma’s house, and finally my son getting dismembered in a car accident - that was so horrible. Seeing his arm lying on the road. I can deal with the hunger and no weight loss but these dreams made me want to go back on the pills! But my body seems to have a history of ‘catching up’ on all the missed night sweats whenever I stop Duromine, hopefully it won’t last. Does that mean my brain somehow ‘needs’ to process these dreams/thoughts as soon as the medication stops blocking them, just like my body wants to catch up on eating more?

Sleepless

Thursday:

So tired this morning. I had a lot of trouble getting to sleep last night then woke at 4am with night sweats and couldn't get back to sleep for a long time. When I did, I had uneasy nightmares; being caught in a tidal wave with the kids, Jasmine's head covered in warts and most of her hair falling out, being part of a resistance unit in a war but the rest of my youthful team ignoring me, annoying neighbours letting a basket of puppies into my house leading to a carpet covered in dog poop.

I wonder what life would be like, fully rested? Lack of sleep affects so many things. I have such a nice life, but it is hard to enjoy it properly when I am so tired all the time. Losing weight should help the sleep apnoea, but I've had sleep issues since I was a slender child so I don't think that is the only problem. I do have naps during the day sometimes but they rarely last more than 20 mins, that seems to be when I'm timed to wake up even when I'd love to sleep for hours.

Anyway, I know that excuses don't burn calories but that was my reason for no exercise today. I struggled though. My back is aching today, not usual for me. Mostly good food, plus a doughnut. It wasn't very nice.

Hoping for better sleep tonight.

Hello 2016

Friday:

The first day of 2016 was mostly pleasant and relaxing. A 30 minute walk before breakfast, down a shady side street I'd driven past many times

(that is exercise five days in a row!), and another 20 min walk with the family after dinner, grocery shopping in a mainly deserted supermarket, a nap in front of the cricket in the afternoon then some computer games with the family. Healthy food choices all day.

The unpleasant bit was when last night's mundane dream suddenly turned into a nightmare, with my two companions graphically killed in front of me in a horrific accident. I woke from my own screams (luckily not screaming in reality) at about 5 am and couldn't get back to sleep. Didn't really want to. Kept getting flashbacks all day. It didn't seem related to anything from my real life, but I'm sure a psychiatrist would tease something out.

Another day down with good food, some exercise, and plenty of water. Why aren't I skinny yet?