Apron

Saturday:

Bit of a roller coaster of emotions this morning. My weight has finally gone down two days in a row, enough so that I have hit a new low (just) which is great. I was thinking maybe it was just that time of the month affecting my weight-loss and it would be all smooth sailing from here (until next month, and I would be ready for that) and I could even conquer my chocolate addiction. In regard to that, I think a major contributing factor is that in the evening I slump in my armchair surrounded by the TV remote, my iPhone, iPad, and a choice of 2 or 3 books, and I switch off. My work is done for the day, I can relax. And apparently work being over includes fighting for my health. I relax too much, including the muscles holding up the willpower! So I need to relax not quite so much.

So I was in the shower, actually imaging the compliments starting to roll in at my weight loss, and noticed my lower tummy was quite sore. In a strange horizontal line. And found to my horror that I have an "apron", as they call it in the plastic surgery trade. Of course my stomach has been slowly getting bigger for years, but now for the first time it hangs down enough to create a fold, which is now red and sore. It was a nasty surprise. The soreness aspect will probably go away if I look after it, but I am that fat and saggy? Rather upsetting.

But I am doing something about it. This is the low point of my health, where I am now. I am only going up from here.

We had guests coming in the afternoon, friends visiting from Canberra, so part of the morning was spent cleaning. Then the visit, which was nice. They have three little kids, my two took the older two in hand while the toddler stayed with us. The menfolk spent quite a while poking around in the dishwasher - which died back on Boxing Day, meaning lots of hand washing since then - but without any result. I put out a variety of snacks for afternoon tea and planned to only have a little but ended up having quite a lot. Played some board games.

Meals were carefully planned as usual but I ended up eating too much, including chocolate-chip cookies. No formal exercise, only housework. Didn't get around to Headspace. Still working on my water intake. Not my best day, but better than a no-effort day.

Apron

Tuesday:

Yesterday was the hottest we've had so far, really a taste of summer. It was enough that I felt a bit sweaty when just sitting around in the evening. Then later, lying in bed, I noticed a pain across the skin of my lower stomach. It was like a long scratch horizontally, very low on my abdomen. I assumed it was a minor scratch I'd done to myself somehow without noticing, exacerbated by sweating, and didn't worry about it.

This morning it was still sore, so I had a look in the mirror. And it is not a scratch, it's the crease where my stomach folds over and hangs down.

I now have an "apron", as I have heard it called.

I've been cruising along lately, not worrying about weight loss much because I felt mentally healthy and ok about myself. Not physically healthy, with the hay fever and various illnesses, but pretty happy. It's nice to feel that way, a break from hating my body and myself for being so weak and lazy. But every so often something happens that gives me a kick, like seeing a photo. Or something more serious, that reminds me that weight loss isn't just about vanity, it is about health. Like pre-diabetes. Sleep apnoea. High blood pressure. A stomach that has gone from an hourglass to an apple to an apron. A stomach that actually causes me discomfort because of the way the skin folds and rubs together in hot weather.

Wow.

I kid myself that "I'm not really that fat." But I am. I am that fat.

I'm not expecting a sudden permanent turn-around in my lifestyle from this. But I'm working on taking steps. I did some exercises with the kids this afternoon, planks and squats and leg lifts. I bought healthy food today while shopping, no treats even though it is still school holidays. The kids don't need a house full of junk any more than I do. Trying to make each small decision a good one.