Still trying

Monday:

I didn't manage to stick to any kind of diet plan last week and didn't do any exercise, haven't been drinking enough water or meditating or getting any decent sleep, so it is perhaps a little surprising that my weight went down a little, to 81.4 which is back to where I was 4 weeks ago when I started my February dietbet (or rather that was 81.3, close enough). I think my highest was 82.3 kg in between so not really much change. On the good side, that means that my "bad" eating is maintenance at this weight, and the weight I lost in January was "real" weight (not just water loss). On the down side, I haven't made any progress this month.

I am really struggling at the moment with this peri-menopause thing. I've had intermittent symptoms for a couple of years now, but it has suddenly accelerated. Night sweats most nights, often more than once. Hot flushes during the day a couple of times, which I never had before. Itchy palms and wrists (I didn't even realise that was a menopause thing, but apparently it is). Mood swings, generally down into depression. Many days I struggle to find motivation to do anything at all, even things I enjoy. I don't want to go on hormone replacement because I'm worried about the potential health risks, but today I bought some over-the-counter stuff which I'll try. The pharmacist suggested it could be up to a month before I see results, which isn't great, but I'll still be here in a month either way so I might as well start now!

They taste horrible, and are huge. Very hard to swallow.

Also, a minor but very annoying thing, that wart on the sole of my foot came back within a couple of days so I guess I didn't kill it all. I'm still treating it but in the meantime it is uncomfortable to walk on. And gross.

However, I felt mostly well and motivated today and ate well, apart from a mid-afternoon meal-sized snack. Still here. Still trying.

HRT?

Friday:

I've been feeling really depressed all week. Or longer, on and off. Tired, sad, unable to do productive work. Unable to commit to or care about looking after myself by eating nourishing food or exercising. Today I felt much better, which was a relief. But I don't know how long it will last. Since there is nothing bad going on in my life to cause depression, I'm assuming it's purely hormonal from the whole menopause thing, which can go on for years. I looked into hormone replacement therapy, but that seems to put you at higher risk for things I'm already at high risk for, so it doesn't seem like the best choice.

It was very nice to feel normal again today.