Monday:
I didn't manage to stick to any kind of diet plan last week and didn't do any exercise, haven't been drinking enough water or meditating or getting any decent sleep, so it is perhaps a little surprising that my weight went down a little, to 81.4 which is back to where I was 4 weeks ago when I started my February dietbet (or rather that was 81.3, close enough). I think my highest was 82.3 kg in between so not really much change. On the good side, that means that my "bad" eating is maintenance at this weight, and the weight I lost in January was "real" weight (not just water loss). On the down side, I haven't made any progress this month.
I am really struggling at the moment with this peri-menopause thing. I've had intermittent symptoms for a couple of years now, but it has suddenly accelerated. Night sweats most nights, often more than once. Hot flushes during the day a couple of times, which I never had before. Itchy palms and wrists (I didn't even realise that was a menopause thing, but apparently it is). Mood swings, generally down into depression. Many days I struggle to find motivation to do anything at all, even things I enjoy. I don't want to go on hormone replacement because I'm worried about the potential health risks, but today I bought some over-the-counter stuff which I'll try. The pharmacist suggested it could be up to a month before I see results, which isn't great, but I'll still be here in a month either way so I might as well start now!
They taste horrible, and are huge. Very hard to swallow.
Also, a minor but very annoying thing, that wart on the sole of my foot came back within a couple of days so I guess I didn't kill it all. I'm still treating it but in the meantime it is uncomfortable to walk on. And gross.
However, I felt mostly well and motivated today and ate well, apart from a mid-afternoon meal-sized snack. Still here. Still trying.
Monday, February 29, 2016
Friday, February 26, 2016
When maybe means no
Friday:
I was foolish again today, by not clearly saying I wasn't interested in something and therefore extending the whole pointless exchange. Last time I was that gym I didn't like, I didn't want to say that I wasn't going back so the guy rang me twice to chat about it. I could have avoided that by just saying "I've decided no" straight away. I had to say it eventually, and just added extra hassle to the process!
Today it was at the bank. I went in and got that account set up and had a nice chat with the bank lady about our kids and stuff. She asked if we were transferring all our banking to them (no) and started pushing me to (in a nice way), saying they could negotiate various things to get our business. Now I knew straight away I wasn't going to for reasons I didn't divulge to her, and could have avoided a lot of time wasting by saying no thanks clearly. But I was all polite and wishy washy and "I'll think about it" and "I'll talk to my husband" so now she is going to call me in a week or so to see what I've decided! My extreme confrontation avoidance just means delaying the inevitable.
It's not a big deal but I do this too often. It's just silly.
I was foolish again today, by not clearly saying I wasn't interested in something and therefore extending the whole pointless exchange. Last time I was that gym I didn't like, I didn't want to say that I wasn't going back so the guy rang me twice to chat about it. I could have avoided that by just saying "I've decided no" straight away. I had to say it eventually, and just added extra hassle to the process!
Today it was at the bank. I went in and got that account set up and had a nice chat with the bank lady about our kids and stuff. She asked if we were transferring all our banking to them (no) and started pushing me to (in a nice way), saying they could negotiate various things to get our business. Now I knew straight away I wasn't going to for reasons I didn't divulge to her, and could have avoided a lot of time wasting by saying no thanks clearly. But I was all polite and wishy washy and "I'll think about it" and "I'll talk to my husband" so now she is going to call me in a week or so to see what I've decided! My extreme confrontation avoidance just means delaying the inevitable.
It's not a big deal but I do this too often. It's just silly.
Wednesday, February 24, 2016
#allbanksarebastards
Thursday:
Tim had to leave ridiculously early this morning to catch a flight. And, as is my habit, I woke even stupidly earlier than that, lay awake waiting for his alarm to go off, then couldn't get back to sleep until after he'd gone. So by the time it was actually time to get up, I was feeling awful and assumed I was still sick as a dog (as they say, but are dogs so very sick? Australians also say "drunk as a skunk" even though we don't have skunks here, and as far as I know they don't get drunk, but at least that rhymes. Rhyming slang is quite big in some parts of Australia (and England I think), like American = Yank = Septic Tank. Charming isn't it.)
Anyway, as I was saying.
Thought I was still sick, but after being up for a while and having breakfast turns out I'm fine, I was just feeling yuck from the sleep disruption. So that is nice.
I spent the entire day investigating banks. Our current bank doesn't have any branches near our new location. I do most of my banking online these days, but occasionally you want a local branch that you can visit in person, especially if you need a bank cheque (which I unexpectedly needed when we bought our car last year). So I was in the market for new bank. And I don't much like any of the big ones, that is why we went for a small local last time. So many fees and charges!
But I had to choose a bank. So I did, after much research, and proceeded to fill out an online application, which apparently should have been easy and fun! Yay! Except they wouldn't accept my ID. They give you four options, I put in two (accepted but not enough), tried to add my passport but it kept saying my document number was wrong (??!!) so I switched to my birth certificate but it wouldn't accept that because my birth name (maiden name) doesn't match my current name (married name). Does this issue not come up often enough for them to find a way to deal with it?? Surely they have the occasional woman who changed her name when she got married wanting to open an account. Sigh. Such a waste of my time. So I'll have to go in to the branch after all.
But not today! Heatwave conditions. Hot hot hot. I stayed safe inside with my air conditioning on.
Except when I took the kids to Acrogym in the afternoon to an uncooled indoor gym. We forgot last week so I didn't want to miss another class. I sat with sweat running down my back (and I wasn't even the one exercising!) and tried to imagine I was in a sauna for pleasure. Not being tortured.
So nice to be back home in the cool!
Tim had to leave ridiculously early this morning to catch a flight. And, as is my habit, I woke even stupidly earlier than that, lay awake waiting for his alarm to go off, then couldn't get back to sleep until after he'd gone. So by the time it was actually time to get up, I was feeling awful and assumed I was still sick as a dog (as they say, but are dogs so very sick? Australians also say "drunk as a skunk" even though we don't have skunks here, and as far as I know they don't get drunk, but at least that rhymes. Rhyming slang is quite big in some parts of Australia (and England I think), like American = Yank = Septic Tank. Charming isn't it.)
Anyway, as I was saying.
Thought I was still sick, but after being up for a while and having breakfast turns out I'm fine, I was just feeling yuck from the sleep disruption. So that is nice.
I spent the entire day investigating banks. Our current bank doesn't have any branches near our new location. I do most of my banking online these days, but occasionally you want a local branch that you can visit in person, especially if you need a bank cheque (which I unexpectedly needed when we bought our car last year). So I was in the market for new bank. And I don't much like any of the big ones, that is why we went for a small local last time. So many fees and charges!
But I had to choose a bank. So I did, after much research, and proceeded to fill out an online application, which apparently should have been easy and fun! Yay! Except they wouldn't accept my ID. They give you four options, I put in two (accepted but not enough), tried to add my passport but it kept saying my document number was wrong (??!!) so I switched to my birth certificate but it wouldn't accept that because my birth name (maiden name) doesn't match my current name (married name). Does this issue not come up often enough for them to find a way to deal with it?? Surely they have the occasional woman who changed her name when she got married wanting to open an account. Sigh. Such a waste of my time. So I'll have to go in to the branch after all.
But not today! Heatwave conditions. Hot hot hot. I stayed safe inside with my air conditioning on.
Except when I took the kids to Acrogym in the afternoon to an uncooled indoor gym. We forgot last week so I didn't want to miss another class. I sat with sweat running down my back (and I wasn't even the one exercising!) and tried to imagine I was in a sauna for pleasure. Not being tortured.
So nice to be back home in the cool!
Snuggling down
Wednesday:
Aiden started feeling sick last night and was home from school today. I started feeling ill in the morning. (No vomiting, just feeling horrible.) The nicest part of today was when Aiden and I were snuggled down in bed together. When he was in his own bed I was really worried about hearing him if he needed me and called. But with him right next to me, I could relax and doze off. We had a very quiet day together, sleep and TV, and I ordered Thai home delivery for dinner. As usual I ordered far too much for sick appetites! Oh well, nice leftovers.
Aiden is much better this evening so I'm hopeful I'll be better by morning.
Aiden started feeling sick last night and was home from school today. I started feeling ill in the morning. (No vomiting, just feeling horrible.) The nicest part of today was when Aiden and I were snuggled down in bed together. When he was in his own bed I was really worried about hearing him if he needed me and called. But with him right next to me, I could relax and doze off. We had a very quiet day together, sleep and TV, and I ordered Thai home delivery for dinner. As usual I ordered far too much for sick appetites! Oh well, nice leftovers.
Aiden is much better this evening so I'm hopeful I'll be better by morning.
Monday, February 22, 2016
Content vs striving
Tuesday:
I got hooked in to a documentary last night, when I should have been in bed, about how people in the UK allocate their spending money. Like whether private school was worth the money, or clothes with designer labels. They interviewed people from all different backgrounds and income levels and it was fascinating. But the two people at opposite ends of the scale were the most interesting (and a little sad) to me. One man, a Romney gypsy who grew up poor in a caravan, was very rich with over 100 million UK pounds worth in assets. He had several enormous houses, very expensive vintage cars, artwork. But when the interviewer asked him if he liked the artwork he said no, he had no attachment to any of it. He bought things for investments, then sold them when they had increased in value. He bought houses fully furnished without regard to his own taste. He was only interested in making more money. But what for? He didn't spend it on his son, who he wanted to grow up with a good work ethic like he had. Not even private school (he himself left school at 12). His wife cleaned the enormous mansions herself - no household staff! He gave no explanation of what he wanted all this money for, he didn't use it for anything except to make more money. Maybe the process itself made him happy, who am I to say?
At the other end of the scale was a family of six struggling to make ends meet. The wife seemed content to buy her clothes at op shops, getting food on sale and bulking meals out with cheap beans because meat is so expensive. Until the show sent her to visit a wealthier family for a few days. Not rich, but comfortable. She saw the children with the latest electronic devices, photos of holidays overseas, food with price labels that shocked her. And you could see her getting more and more dissatisfied with her own life. She surely knew that there were other people who lived like that, but I guess it's different having it laid out right in front of you. She got very sad as she talked about her endless financial struggles with no expectation of it ever getting any better. I think the documentary did her a real disservice. Her circumstances didn't change at all over the course of the filming. Only her attitude to it did.
It's so easy, isn't it, to look at what other people have and be envious. Whether that is material possessions, relationships, weight loss, other achievements. Facebook posts of their exciting holiday or the cool jazz cellar they went to or the amount of times they went to the gym this week. Maybe you feel like you're doing well, then you see someone doing so much better and your life suddenly seems worthless in comparison. And you think if you had what they had, life would be better.
Yet on that show, the poor wife wanted what the wealthy family had - but the wealthy family weren't content, they wanted more money so they could afford to send their children to private school (without sacrificing other things in their lifestyle). And the guy who had millions and millions, seemingly enough to buy anything in the world he wanted? He was forever making more, not content with what he had either!
But should we just sit where we are, being happy with what we have? Does being content mean stagnation? I think that as humans we need to find a balance between appreciating what we already have - and who we already are - and striving for more and better. You can be grateful for what you have while still working to get more... and then appreciate the new all the more because you had to earn it. You can love yourself and still want to improve. Indeed, "they" say you have to love yourself first, before you can progress.
I got hooked in to a documentary last night, when I should have been in bed, about how people in the UK allocate their spending money. Like whether private school was worth the money, or clothes with designer labels. They interviewed people from all different backgrounds and income levels and it was fascinating. But the two people at opposite ends of the scale were the most interesting (and a little sad) to me. One man, a Romney gypsy who grew up poor in a caravan, was very rich with over 100 million UK pounds worth in assets. He had several enormous houses, very expensive vintage cars, artwork. But when the interviewer asked him if he liked the artwork he said no, he had no attachment to any of it. He bought things for investments, then sold them when they had increased in value. He bought houses fully furnished without regard to his own taste. He was only interested in making more money. But what for? He didn't spend it on his son, who he wanted to grow up with a good work ethic like he had. Not even private school (he himself left school at 12). His wife cleaned the enormous mansions herself - no household staff! He gave no explanation of what he wanted all this money for, he didn't use it for anything except to make more money. Maybe the process itself made him happy, who am I to say?
At the other end of the scale was a family of six struggling to make ends meet. The wife seemed content to buy her clothes at op shops, getting food on sale and bulking meals out with cheap beans because meat is so expensive. Until the show sent her to visit a wealthier family for a few days. Not rich, but comfortable. She saw the children with the latest electronic devices, photos of holidays overseas, food with price labels that shocked her. And you could see her getting more and more dissatisfied with her own life. She surely knew that there were other people who lived like that, but I guess it's different having it laid out right in front of you. She got very sad as she talked about her endless financial struggles with no expectation of it ever getting any better. I think the documentary did her a real disservice. Her circumstances didn't change at all over the course of the filming. Only her attitude to it did.
It's so easy, isn't it, to look at what other people have and be envious. Whether that is material possessions, relationships, weight loss, other achievements. Facebook posts of their exciting holiday or the cool jazz cellar they went to or the amount of times they went to the gym this week. Maybe you feel like you're doing well, then you see someone doing so much better and your life suddenly seems worthless in comparison. And you think if you had what they had, life would be better.
Yet on that show, the poor wife wanted what the wealthy family had - but the wealthy family weren't content, they wanted more money so they could afford to send their children to private school (without sacrificing other things in their lifestyle). And the guy who had millions and millions, seemingly enough to buy anything in the world he wanted? He was forever making more, not content with what he had either!
But should we just sit where we are, being happy with what we have? Does being content mean stagnation? I think that as humans we need to find a balance between appreciating what we already have - and who we already are - and striving for more and better. You can be grateful for what you have while still working to get more... and then appreciate the new all the more because you had to earn it. You can love yourself and still want to improve. Indeed, "they" say you have to love yourself first, before you can progress.
Hot
Monday:
Everyone has their own reasons why life can be hard sometimes, we just have to keep trudging on through the bad days and enjoying the good days. I felt a lot better today. I know that predicts nothing about tomorrow, but that is no reason not to enjoy it while I can!
I did slip up with food a bit. I had all healthy meals, but a few extras too. But I got in a long walk with Aiden while Jas was at dance. In fact it was rather longer than I'd planned and we got back late. We walked all the way to the block of land that we'd considered buying last year, and then Tim's cousin actually bought. We'd only seen it online before. Some steep hills to get to it! It was very hot today, but not too bad late in the day when we were walking.
I read in New Scientist today a mention that the highest recorded temperature in the UK, in Kent in 2003, was 38.5C (101.3F). Can that be right? We're expecting that this Thursday! Yes, an unpleasantly hot summer day, but it gets a lot hotter than that here quite often. It seems very low for a "highest ever". The poor Pommies, not used to it, must have been fainting from heat exhaustion in droves that day.
Everyone has their own reasons why life can be hard sometimes, we just have to keep trudging on through the bad days and enjoying the good days. I felt a lot better today. I know that predicts nothing about tomorrow, but that is no reason not to enjoy it while I can!
I did slip up with food a bit. I had all healthy meals, but a few extras too. But I got in a long walk with Aiden while Jas was at dance. In fact it was rather longer than I'd planned and we got back late. We walked all the way to the block of land that we'd considered buying last year, and then Tim's cousin actually bought. We'd only seen it online before. Some steep hills to get to it! It was very hot today, but not too bad late in the day when we were walking.
I read in New Scientist today a mention that the highest recorded temperature in the UK, in Kent in 2003, was 38.5C (101.3F). Can that be right? We're expecting that this Thursday! Yes, an unpleasantly hot summer day, but it gets a lot hotter than that here quite often. It seems very low for a "highest ever". The poor Pommies, not used to it, must have been fainting from heat exhaustion in droves that day.
Sunday, February 21, 2016
From the outside
Sunday:
From the outside, today would have looked pretty good. I exercised in the morning, I ate mostly good food with some extras, we went to the beach for lunch (not actually onto the sand or swimming), practiced guitar, played World of Warcraft, had family over for dinner. Nothing bad there.
But the whole day I was on the verge of tears.
I wanted to cry when I was ready to exercise and then other people were using the space and I had to wait and try to keep my enthusiasm up. I felt fat and clumsy while dancing. I did actually cry in the shower after dance because exercise often makes my mood plummet (do some people feel good after exercise?). I didn't enjoy lunch at the beach because it was so hot and humid. I cried again when I was trying to practice guitar and I couldn't get the chords. I didn't want family to come over for dinner, I wanted to go to bed and pull the sheets over my head.
I don't think these mood swings have anything to do with what I eat or don't eat, whether I'm restricting food or not, whether I'm exercising on not. No matter how much I plan or analyse, I'm not in control here. And that sucks.
From the outside, today would have looked pretty good. I exercised in the morning, I ate mostly good food with some extras, we went to the beach for lunch (not actually onto the sand or swimming), practiced guitar, played World of Warcraft, had family over for dinner. Nothing bad there.
But the whole day I was on the verge of tears.
I wanted to cry when I was ready to exercise and then other people were using the space and I had to wait and try to keep my enthusiasm up. I felt fat and clumsy while dancing. I did actually cry in the shower after dance because exercise often makes my mood plummet (do some people feel good after exercise?). I didn't enjoy lunch at the beach because it was so hot and humid. I cried again when I was trying to practice guitar and I couldn't get the chords. I didn't want family to come over for dinner, I wanted to go to bed and pull the sheets over my head.
I don't think these mood swings have anything to do with what I eat or don't eat, whether I'm restricting food or not, whether I'm exercising on not. No matter how much I plan or analyse, I'm not in control here. And that sucks.
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