Part time

Thursday:

So this is my third week of studying full time and I have been finding it too much - both in terms of time and because of my RSI. My hands were starting to ache a lot of the time. So I've emailed the head teacher about changing to part time. I want to do six subjects per semester instead of nine, which means I can finish in 18 months instead of one year. I want to keep all the classes I do face-to-face and drop three of the ones I do at home. I haven't received a reply yet so she could have different ideas about which subjects I need to do first and which to postpone, but overall I don't foresee a problem from the TAFE end. It's a big relief not having to worry about taking the time to do the grocery shopping or put on a load of laundry! And I'm sure it will help with the RSI pain.

My undergraduate days were spent at Sydney University which is a beautiful campus, the institution I am at now is so ugly! I'm guessing WW2-era buildings, like a row of dominos on their sides with narrow alleys in between. Here, I took a picture outside my building:

We are one step closer to getting our pool (pity we've got one week left of summer, no chance!). All the decorative rock around the edge is finished. That is a little cave at the far end, the light grey strip under it is a ledge so you can sit inside the cave.

We plan to do lots of planting all around the pool and behind the cave so it looks like a tropical oasis, we'll do that part ourselves and it's not intrinsic to use of the pool so isn't urgent. As far as I'm aware there are three things to get done before we get to use the pool:
1) Electrician to run electricity from the house for the filter or pump or whatever
2) Pebblecrete applied to inside of the pool over the concrete for decorative/essential surface
3) Permanent pool fencing, including raising our side fences as they are not the required 1.8m (you can see in that photo the back fence is higher than the side which doesn't meet regulations.

We have to organise 1) and 3) ourselves. The electrician has been out once, I'd better call him again today and get him out here.

Career

Tuesday:

I received another rejection email about my book, from the second literary agent. It was a thoughtful email suggesting the book needed a bit more work and a look from a professional editor. I had considered that already but since I'm an editor myself and I had some experienced readers look at it, I skipped that step. Fresh eyes are valuable and I am reconsidering that decision. My brain will be lying fallow the next couple of weeks then I'll have to decide whether to have the book professionally edited, keep trying to find an agent, or send it directly to publishers.

Another thing I am reconsidering is the full-time-ness of my writing. I haven't done any paid work for a couple of years now. Partly to work on my book, partly because I knew we'd be moving to another state soon (which we did at the end of last year), a large part due to my RSI. I have chronic pain in my shoulders, arms and hands which was caused by and still exacerbated by typing. I can only use the computer for two or three hours a day, spread out with breaks, before the pain gets bad. (Hand writing is worse, and I've tried voice-activated software but found it clumsy and slow.) A couple of years ago I tried going back to work part-time five hours a day and it was too much, I was in a lot of pain after a month and left after six weeks. I can write at my own pace at home. Freelance editing was also flexible, but if I spend my three hours a day editing then I can't write at all. And I like to spend a bit of that time on this blog and playing computer game World of Warcraft too. I'd love to spend more time on all these things, but can't. I often write these blog posts in instalments over the day.

So if did look for part time work, and still want to be able to write novels, I can't do anything involving a computer. Problematic, because otherwise I am ideally suited to deskwork! I love deskwork. After ten years at Centrelink (government department dealing with Pensions and Unemployment Benefits) I want to avoid dealing with angry customers, I'm too shy to teach, not sure what I would do. I considered landscape gardening for a while, and did some study there. I also dabbled in training as a nutritionist. Most jobs that involve brains also require frequent use of a computer, these days (not all, but most). And probably several years of training, which would also involve lots of typing and writing during study. I have always liked the idea of being a librarian. But yeah, study and deskwork again. Hmm. Requires more thought. When my brain gets back from vacation.

A workman wandered in this morning and took away some of the temporary wooden scaffolding around the pool that they used to shape the concrete. Then he wandered away again.

I took Jasmine to the doctor this morning, she's been complaining of breathlessness for a while now. The doctor couldn't find anything but gave her a Ventolin to try for a while to see if it helps. She had eczema as a baby which is linked to asthma, and both Tim and my mother had asthma so she is at risk. We'll see if the Ventolin puffer helps.

No sleep

Tuesday:

Tim didn't get to sleep until about 3am (he's somewhat better this morning, sitting up and eating toast) which meant I also didn't get to sleep until around 3am. And I got up at 6.30 to let the puppy out. Actually I thought I heard the puppy so I got up and put on my dressing gown, glasses and shoes (it's below freezing outside at night now, need proper shoes) then realised all was quiet. I climbed back into bed with everything still on, with my shod feet sticking awkwardly out the side. After a while I decided the sheets needed changing anyway since my husband has been ill so I just pulled my feet in. I did take off my glasses eventually. Thor woke about 15 minutes later. I don't know if it was him the first time or I dreamed it.

I was so tired and headachy. I bullied the kids into getting ready for school and we were just about ready to leave when my daughter reminded me I hadn't made their lunches. Threw some things into their backpacks. Took Thor with us but I got so cranky with him pulling my arm off that I gave up only a few houses away and said goodbye to the kids there and dragged the puppy home again. I just couldn't deal with it and was going to lose my temper badly with him, better to just go home and take him for a walk later.

I felt better after lunch and took Thor for a short walk, then he got another short walk when we picked up the kids. The early afternoon was spent with an electrician here fixing all the things wrong with our lighting. We have a light in the bathroom again! No more candles. Bathing by candlelight is quite soothing, but you can't read.

... (Wednesday) I was too tired to finish this post yesterday. I took Jasmine to her dance class then Tim felt well enough to go ahead with our games night. I would have much rather TV and early night. I ate too much chocolate trying to stay awake, and eventually went to bed early while Tim & the others continued to play. After a good night's sleep I still feel really tired, need more to catch up.

My RSI is playing up so I can't do too much computer time today. I had to leave full-time work 12 years ago and can now only work a few hours a day because of RSI in my shoulders, arms & hands. It is usually under control, except when I spend too much time on the computer, sit around too much (including long car trips), it's cold weather or cold air conditioning like at a movie, I'm sick or it's that time of the month, and/or I'm tired. At the moment basically all of those are in force. Different bits flare up, at the moment my pectoral muscles hurt and the bases of both thumbs are swollen and inflamed. Hard to type. I need to look after myself today.

I'm serious, that's more than enough cake

Thursday:

Tuesday had been really busy, I didn't get to have a lunch break. I had a couple of hours notice that what I'd been working on for weeks had to be finished that day, so my boss took over part of it to get it done. She made a comment that there didn't seem much to do and she didn't know why I'd been taking so long (usually she is very nice, I guess she was under a lot of pressure). It quite hurt my feelings, and I also felt that she wasn't acknowledging that she had the benefit of all the work I'd already done to base her quickness on.

Anyway, the busy day combined with PMS caused my RSI to flare up really badly and I had a difficult night and then called in sick the next day. My boss called me a couple of hours later to ask me to come in to advise without typing or doing anything that would exacerbate the RSI, so I did. And it turned out there were huge problems with the bit she did! It got sent back to us. I went through it and found 31 things she missed, some very important. Sorry to get petty about it, but I felt very vindicated!

As she said some very nice things to me today about if I ever needed a job reference from her.

The RSI pain is a lot better today but I'm still glad there is only one day to go before I can take a break. I'm keen to start on my novel, too, but not until I'm back to normal -- and also I'll only be typing a couple of hours a day not five.

Today there was a morning tea at work, held by the regular staff to thank us contractors for helping out. Even a lovely speech. And lots of cake. Ok, I had a piece. Only one. Then drank tea and chatted. The 'party' was right beside my desk, they even used my filing cabinet as a table for the food. So for the next couple of hours there was a bunch of leftovers right behind me. Then when I was away from my desk, someone rolled the filing cabinet back in beside my desk ... with the leftovers still on it. Are you kidding me? Not enough to have the smell of chocolate cake wafting around my head, I have to be looking at it too.

Eventually I moved it all to someone else's filing cabinet, but only about two desks down, where I still passed it every time I left my desk. Um, I may have brought a couple of slices home for the kids ... and me. Not a great idea, I know. Terrible idea. Maybe that willpower thing was true. I resisted for hours and hours then at the last moment when I was leaving I grabbed some to take with me. I'd used up all my anti-chocolate-cake willpower for the day.

Ok. Take a deep breath. Start again.

Did I mention it is my birthday in five days?

Exciting plans

Saturday evening:

After writing the last post I was feeling a bit down about the future. My dream job was now out of bounds. But... what about the other dream job?

I've always wanted to be a writer, but never really made the time for it. It came last, after family and work and watching TV and playing with my iPhone. I've watched in awe and envy as others completed whole books, and even sometimes got them published.

Well I have one week of my current contract to go. I just turned down a job offer and recanted on one I'd already accepted for August. I've taken my name off the websites that have my freelance business listed. I have my plot, and a barely-started manuscript.

 I have six months to write a book. Wish me luck!

 Of course writing full time wouldn't go any better with my RSI than editing full time would. I am going to write two hours a day (trying various cafes and libraries so I can get out of the house). Two hours a day at my rate of 800-1000 words per hour gives me a novel in three months, then another three months to work on the first draft and the second draft ... then in 2014 I'll put it through my writing group's critique circle then I'll hire a professional editor ... and then I'll send it off to publishers.

 

If I'm ever going to do this, it is time to start.

And writing two hours a day will give me plenty of time for exercise and housework and all the other stuff I've been neglecting. I know that some people can get up at 4am to write and then do their yoga and then work full time and study in the evenings and still cook up a gourmet meal and present a smiling face to the husband. Well if you've been reading this blog you'll know that isn't me!

I've got six months to give it a good go, then review. Obviously I won't have a publisher at that point, even if I've written a masterpiece, but at least I'll know if writing as a profession is something I can do.

BTW, the book I am planning is the kind with dragons and magic.

Too much cake

Saturday:

This week has been shocking in terms of unhealthy food intake.

I'm still not sure if I am better off as an abstainer (just don't eat particular foods) or a moderator (have a bit of what you fancy). On the one hand, sometimes the thought of giving up favourite foods sends me into a deprivation panic binge. But on the other hand, telling myself that trigger foods are ok to have occasionally can be a slippery slope.

I haven't been in an active weight-loss mindset for a few weeks now, since I started working longer hours than I am used to in an office. I put concentrating on eating healthily on hold while I focussed on working and getting the kids to all their after-school activities, grocery shopping etc. It's not my usual routine and I guess I felt like is it very temporary state of things (only one week to go now before the end of this contract).

But.

This week we had take-away on Monday. On Tuesday we had a play-date to which I brought (and ate) biscuits (cookies), and then had lots of junk at supper that night. And I think that was the day my boss brought cake to a meeting (luckily I didn't like it so only picked at a slice to be polite, but I would have eaten it if it was something nice). Wednesday is my long day at work so I had a packet of Cheezles to get me through the afternoon. On Thursday there was a big cake sale in aid of refugees in the foyer of my building. I went down and there was a huge queue (they ended up making $2500, it is a big building). As we all crept forward I started to get really paranoid about all the good stuff being gone, so when I finally got to the front I bought four things! Four! I gave one to a workmate, but ate the cupcake and two pieces of fudge. Then that afternoon grabbed fries from McDonald's with my daughter before we did the shopping -- at which I bought several packets of biscuits and ate some of those that night. Friday didn't get any better, my daughter had an extra dance rehearsal so after we dropped my son at gymnastics we went to a café for cake before going on to her dance. A drink and more biscuits in the evening.

This concept of having a treat occasionally, as part of being a balanced human being, obviously doesn't apply to that list!

Time to start turning it around.

I haven't mentioned zombies for a while. Walking to work doesn't really suit the program, I walk briskly but can't comfortably break into a run while in to work clothes and I don't want to get caught by zombies again! Also I am beside busy roads for part of the way, making it hard to hear, and it isn't quite far enough for a whole session. I've given up training to run for the time being but still want to listen to the zombie episodes at some point when I go for longer walks, when I can do a bit of jogging too if I feel like it or the zombies get too close.

There is an anti-smoking ad here at the moment that talks about will power being a muscle that you can build up with repeated use, and I think that is true, but studies have also shown that you have a limited amount of will power at any one time. If it gets used up, you are likely to give in to the next thing that comes along and tempts you. That still fits with the muscle analogy, it's like working a muscle to fatigue and you just can't lift any more that day. Like someone starting a fitness program from the couch, you can to work up to doing more reps of heavier weights but you can't do it all in one day.

I didn't really have a point there (I wasn't trying to say I can't resist cake because my will power muscle is too small!), I just thought that was interesting. The lesson, I suppose, is to reduce the amount of temptation you are exposed to until you can handle it. I'm definitely struggling with that aspect. I usually work from home where I have total control over what comes in, and it's much harder for me to access junk if I suddenly get a craving -- I would have to walk 20 minutes each way or get in the car. In the office, there are boxes of chocolates in the tea room being sold for charity, and vending machines, and cake sales, and a major supermarket just next door. And I am grocery shopping late in the afternoon when I am tired instead of first thing in the morning, and getting a snack with my daughter first. The opportunities for unhealthy food have gone from around twice a week to all day every day. It's something I won't miss when this contract ends in a week.

There is another reason to be glad it is ending. I left my full-time office job eleven years ago after two years of crippling pain with RSI -- or occupational overuse syndrome I think was the preferred term. I had numerous sessions a week of painful physio, plus aqua physio (physio in a pool), acupuncture, lots of anti-inflammatory and pain-killing drugs and I can't even remember what else. But as long as I still went in to work, even on part-time sick leave, I was getting worse and worse. In the end I couldn't dress myself or even sleep comfortably, the pain in my shoulders and arms and hands was so bad. So I quit work and got a pitiful amount of compensation - a couple of months salary. My husband worked long hours and then came home and did everything else as well. I was in pain all the time.

Over five or six years (during which I couldn't go near a computer) I got to the point where I rarely felt any pain. It was only occasionally triggered; usually by some combination of too much computer usage, being sick, having PMS and/or cold weather. I started working from home as a freelancer, which was pretty ideal as I could make my own hours.

I've been back in the office for five weeks now, five hours a day, and the pain has been creeping back for a couple of weeks. It is clearly too much for me, even eleven years later. It makes me a bit sad, I was enjoying many things about being back in a office. Being around other people instead of alone all day was a big part of it. My "dream job" was to get a part time job with a publisher. But I don't think I'm going to be able to do that. I can't imagine anyone wanting to hire me if I can only offer two or three hours a day. So it's back to freelancing from home, with its freedoms and its loneliness. And dealing with the occasional crazy.

The upside is I will have a lot more time to plan and cook healthy meals and exercise regularly.