Saturday:
I took the shell off my racing snail to make him go faster - but it just made him sluggish.
It will be my birthday on Tuesday. So I haven't started my diet yet. Or lifestyle change, or whatever you want to call it. My challenge to be healthier by 50. I have a little party tomorrow and then a dinner out on the day. Then I'll start...
Two weeks left at my current workplace, then a week off (it will be school holidays) then I start at the other Library, four weeks on then four weeks off then (hopefully) another 3 months. Another good opportunity has just come up elsewhere that I'm also applying for. It is a great job with the downside of a longer commute. I'm thinking if they offer me the job I will ask if I can go part-time, five days a week but shorter days so I can get home before dinnertime to see my kids - and avoid the worst of the traffic too. We'll see.
A really bad flu has been going around. I had it and was sick for two weeks although I only took two days off work. Then Aiden had it and now Jasmine. She had this whole week off school, very unusual for her. I left her home alone most days but left work early. Today she came with me to do the grocery shopping but had to go and sit outside the supermarket while I finished and went straight to bed when we got home. She started to get sick last Sunday during an Acrogymnastics competition, her trio managed to qualify for the State Final but were definitely not at their best. Luckily it's a few more weeks to the Final, she's missed a lot of training.
The house and yard are shambles at the moment. We get no time during the week, and precious little on the weekends. Welcome to the working world.
Friday, June 28, 2019
Saturday, June 22, 2019
Disappointment
Saturday:
I went to my graduation last night. Because I studied part time, most of my friends from class graduated the year before, and one of them won an award for being best in the year. Ever since then I’d really really wanted to win it! I was so excited when I was told I was going to get an award. So I was so disappointed when it was “only” for being best at Cataloguing - shared with Lauren. Who also got best in Reference, and best overall. And last year we were both recommended for an internship, and she won it. I know I should still be happy to get AN award but it wasn’t THE award.
So I was feeling a little vulnerable, and then Tim showed me the photos he took of me accepting my award and diploma. OMG. I had thought I was looking rather cute in my best librarian dress. But in the photos I looked old and dumpy and so very very fat. I was crushed. I felt awful for the rest of the night. My heart still sinks when I remember.
My weight has crept up to 74.8kg and I need to turn that around. But even at 3kg lighter than this, I think I thought I was thinner than I really was. Maybe in comparison to my biggest, I felt smaller. But I’m still more than 15 kg overweight. In particular I hate seeing side-on photos. My stomach is so big, it looks so unhealthy. I am very short, so my healthy weight is 53-58kg according to the charts.
I turn 49 in a couple of weeks. A year to 50. Time to get healthy so I can enjoy the second half of my life.
I went to my graduation last night. Because I studied part time, most of my friends from class graduated the year before, and one of them won an award for being best in the year. Ever since then I’d really really wanted to win it! I was so excited when I was told I was going to get an award. So I was so disappointed when it was “only” for being best at Cataloguing - shared with Lauren. Who also got best in Reference, and best overall. And last year we were both recommended for an internship, and she won it. I know I should still be happy to get AN award but it wasn’t THE award.
So I was feeling a little vulnerable, and then Tim showed me the photos he took of me accepting my award and diploma. OMG. I had thought I was looking rather cute in my best librarian dress. But in the photos I looked old and dumpy and so very very fat. I was crushed. I felt awful for the rest of the night. My heart still sinks when I remember.
My weight has crept up to 74.8kg and I need to turn that around. But even at 3kg lighter than this, I think I thought I was thinner than I really was. Maybe in comparison to my biggest, I felt smaller. But I’m still more than 15 kg overweight. In particular I hate seeing side-on photos. My stomach is so big, it looks so unhealthy. I am very short, so my healthy weight is 53-58kg according to the charts.
I turn 49 in a couple of weeks. A year to 50. Time to get healthy so I can enjoy the second half of my life.
Thursday, June 20, 2019
News
Thursday:
First of all, my brother is fine. He knew about the scheduled procedure, and made it to the appointment, and they didn’t find cancer. He’s recovering at home. So that is good news.
Things got interesting at work. I had four weeks planned working at another location - same ultimate employer but different cluster of libraries - higher pay and closer to home. My manager had encouraged it from the start and her boss had approved it. I’d done all the paperwork. Then yesterday Human Resources told me I wasn’t allowed to do Higher Duties in a different cluster! So I had to make a decision. The new job was starting with four weeks, but probably offering around four months work over a six month period (with nice breaks in between) - after that who knows? The current job had just offered me another nine months. I talked to Tim and thought about it overnight, but didn’t have to think too hard. The new job has everything I want (other than job security) so I’m resigning from my current job so I can take up the other one. HR forced me into it! I let everyone know today, of course they were all very sad! I’ll still be there for a few more weeks, and who knows maybe they’ll want me back as a casual when I’m free.
Now I have a bit of experience I’m not really worried about getting more work.
I finished my Diploma of Library and Information Services a year ago, finally my Graduation ceremony is tomorrow. I have no idea why it’s a whole year later. Of course I got them to mail me the actual diploma a long time ago. I wasn’t going to go, too difficult to juggle the kids after-school stuff and get into the city after work. But when I didn’t send in an acceptance they called me to say I’m getting an award! So of course I have to go.
First of all, my brother is fine. He knew about the scheduled procedure, and made it to the appointment, and they didn’t find cancer. He’s recovering at home. So that is good news.
Things got interesting at work. I had four weeks planned working at another location - same ultimate employer but different cluster of libraries - higher pay and closer to home. My manager had encouraged it from the start and her boss had approved it. I’d done all the paperwork. Then yesterday Human Resources told me I wasn’t allowed to do Higher Duties in a different cluster! So I had to make a decision. The new job was starting with four weeks, but probably offering around four months work over a six month period (with nice breaks in between) - after that who knows? The current job had just offered me another nine months. I talked to Tim and thought about it overnight, but didn’t have to think too hard. The new job has everything I want (other than job security) so I’m resigning from my current job so I can take up the other one. HR forced me into it! I let everyone know today, of course they were all very sad! I’ll still be there for a few more weeks, and who knows maybe they’ll want me back as a casual when I’m free.
Now I have a bit of experience I’m not really worried about getting more work.
I finished my Diploma of Library and Information Services a year ago, finally my Graduation ceremony is tomorrow. I have no idea why it’s a whole year later. Of course I got them to mail me the actual diploma a long time ago. I wasn’t going to go, too difficult to juggle the kids after-school stuff and get into the city after work. But when I didn’t send in an acceptance they called me to say I’m getting an award! So of course I have to go.
Friday, June 7, 2019
Worries
Friday:
I stayed home sick again today. Overall I feel a bit better, but I coughed half the night and woke with a horrible sinus headache, and I’m just constantly coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose. Really not an appropriate time to work in a library, infecting everyone and making lots of gross noises. My little library is closed on Fridays so I was supposed to be back in the main library. At least they had two other staff today!
I had had a worrying phone call yesterday. A hospital was trying to get in touch with my brother Darren about him having a procedure at 6:30am the next day. So he’s put me as a contact, which is a good thing, but I couldn’t pass on the information because I can never get through in a hurry either! His phone always goes straight to messages, which I don’t know if he even listens to, and it can be weeks before he reads emails. I think he rarely collects his snail mail too. He doesn’t like touching the mailbox. Or anything, really. He has OCD and a phobia of germs. It’s impossible. I could drive for an hour to his house, but I don’t know if he’d even be there or be awake. And it was too late anyway for this, the info included that he had to be fasting and what’s the point of telling him that 12 hours after the fast was to start? They’d probably been trying to call him for a week. After failing to get through to him all afternoon I tried to call the hospital back but I think they’d all gone home for the day. I missed a call early this morning that I assume was the hospital asking where the hell he was... and it will happen all over again when he reschedules.
Of course the real worry is that the procedure was a colonoscopy. Which I assume means a test for cancer. What the hell is it with this family and cancer? My father-in-law just had a biopsy and we’re waiting to hear how advanced his cancer is. And his wife has lung cancer. Both my parents (and Darren’s, obviously) died of cancer five years ago. I don’t have to worry about dying of heart disease, cancer will get me first.
Darren might not be comfortable with me knowing, at this stage. In my messages I didn’t mention that I knew what the procedure was.
He needs a phone that works. Maybe go back to a landline. And he needs to get internet access so he doesn’t have to go to the library to read his email. He needs to be contactable. I couldn’t tell him when Poppa got hurt, or about family functions, or anything. He retreats further and further away from the rest of the world.
I stayed home sick again today. Overall I feel a bit better, but I coughed half the night and woke with a horrible sinus headache, and I’m just constantly coughing and sneezing and blowing my nose. Really not an appropriate time to work in a library, infecting everyone and making lots of gross noises. My little library is closed on Fridays so I was supposed to be back in the main library. At least they had two other staff today!
I had had a worrying phone call yesterday. A hospital was trying to get in touch with my brother Darren about him having a procedure at 6:30am the next day. So he’s put me as a contact, which is a good thing, but I couldn’t pass on the information because I can never get through in a hurry either! His phone always goes straight to messages, which I don’t know if he even listens to, and it can be weeks before he reads emails. I think he rarely collects his snail mail too. He doesn’t like touching the mailbox. Or anything, really. He has OCD and a phobia of germs. It’s impossible. I could drive for an hour to his house, but I don’t know if he’d even be there or be awake. And it was too late anyway for this, the info included that he had to be fasting and what’s the point of telling him that 12 hours after the fast was to start? They’d probably been trying to call him for a week. After failing to get through to him all afternoon I tried to call the hospital back but I think they’d all gone home for the day. I missed a call early this morning that I assume was the hospital asking where the hell he was... and it will happen all over again when he reschedules.
Of course the real worry is that the procedure was a colonoscopy. Which I assume means a test for cancer. What the hell is it with this family and cancer? My father-in-law just had a biopsy and we’re waiting to hear how advanced his cancer is. And his wife has lung cancer. Both my parents (and Darren’s, obviously) died of cancer five years ago. I don’t have to worry about dying of heart disease, cancer will get me first.
Darren might not be comfortable with me knowing, at this stage. In my messages I didn’t mention that I knew what the procedure was.
He needs a phone that works. Maybe go back to a landline. And he needs to get internet access so he doesn’t have to go to the library to read his email. He needs to be contactable. I couldn’t tell him when Poppa got hurt, or about family functions, or anything. He retreats further and further away from the rest of the world.
Wednesday, June 5, 2019
Am I feeding the virus?
Thursday:
I’m sick with a nasty head cold. I’d been dragging myself into work because there was no one else, but yesterday I stayed home and they couldn’t open my little library. I’ll be glad when Linh is back next week so there is someone else with a key and used to that library. I haven’t heard how she is but she’s on the roster for next week so must be better. I’m going in today. It’s really hard getting through the work day when you feel awful. And I have to work until 6. Urg.
I’ve been eating really badly. Comfort food. I was thinking last night about how there is a parasite that lives part of its lifecycle in rats, and part in cats. When a rat is infected, it becomes fearless and I think is also attracted to the smell of cat urine, so its behaviour changes to make it more likely to get eaten by a cat. The parasite gets to move into the cat body for the next stage of its life. The parasite controls the rat! Even though that kills the host! And that made me wonder about how I always eat lots of carbs when I’m sick, even though it makes me feel worse. Am I feeding Natalie, or am I feeding the virus? I’m going to start asking myself that question whenever I want to turn to stodgy food.
Another challenge is working late so often, four nights a week at the moment. Most quick foods I cook, or things my daughter knows how to cook, don’t have the leftovers I need for healthy meals for everyone the next day. But I’ve just rediscovered the slow cooker and since I start late I have time to put something together in that. I need to try some more recipes. I’ve only ever used it for casseroles.
Time to get ready for work. Aloe Vera tissues and hand sanitizer!
I’m sick with a nasty head cold. I’d been dragging myself into work because there was no one else, but yesterday I stayed home and they couldn’t open my little library. I’ll be glad when Linh is back next week so there is someone else with a key and used to that library. I haven’t heard how she is but she’s on the roster for next week so must be better. I’m going in today. It’s really hard getting through the work day when you feel awful. And I have to work until 6. Urg.
I’ve been eating really badly. Comfort food. I was thinking last night about how there is a parasite that lives part of its lifecycle in rats, and part in cats. When a rat is infected, it becomes fearless and I think is also attracted to the smell of cat urine, so its behaviour changes to make it more likely to get eaten by a cat. The parasite gets to move into the cat body for the next stage of its life. The parasite controls the rat! Even though that kills the host! And that made me wonder about how I always eat lots of carbs when I’m sick, even though it makes me feel worse. Am I feeding Natalie, or am I feeding the virus? I’m going to start asking myself that question whenever I want to turn to stodgy food.
Another challenge is working late so often, four nights a week at the moment. Most quick foods I cook, or things my daughter knows how to cook, don’t have the leftovers I need for healthy meals for everyone the next day. But I’ve just rediscovered the slow cooker and since I start late I have time to put something together in that. I need to try some more recipes. I’ve only ever used it for casseroles.
Time to get ready for work. Aloe Vera tissues and hand sanitizer!
Sunday, May 26, 2019
More cancer
Sunday:
There's been some bad health news in the family recently - and at work too. My father-in-law Des has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and it has spread too much to operate on. They are going to treat him with hormones - which worries him a great deal, he jokes about getting breasts and turning gay but is obviously trying to cover how scared he is that he will be changed by it. The survival rate for prostate cancer is very good, 95% five years after diagnosis, but survival isn't the only factor in a happy life. And his wife (married this January) has lung cancer, also inoperable, she responded well to treatment but overall it's a big worry. They really need to move out of where they are living, which is on a very steep block and not at all friendly to people with old knees and arthritis and cancer.
We found out about Des a couple of weeks ago, Tim contacted me at work. I was staffing the front desk but had to leave for a while to get myself under control.
Although Jo isn't strictly my children's grandmother (step-grandmother?), as Jasmine said now all four of her grandparents have/had cancer. Both my parents died of it five years ago. Now Tim's dad and step-mother. His own mother died of complications from multiple sclerosis.
My workmate Linh has asthma and has been really wheezy for the past week, possibly due to a lot of smoke in the air as the city is doing controlled burns of bushland (forest) to protect from bushfires. My boss contacted me today to let me know that Linh had collapsed on the weekend and was in hospital - she wanted to tell us in person but had to let me know because it affected Monday morning - I'll be staffing the little library on Linh's days as well as my own until she is better. Poor Linh, she sounded so breathless last time I spoke to her on the phone on Thursday.
Appreciate the health you have while you have it!
There's been some bad health news in the family recently - and at work too. My father-in-law Des has been diagnosed with prostate cancer, and it has spread too much to operate on. They are going to treat him with hormones - which worries him a great deal, he jokes about getting breasts and turning gay but is obviously trying to cover how scared he is that he will be changed by it. The survival rate for prostate cancer is very good, 95% five years after diagnosis, but survival isn't the only factor in a happy life. And his wife (married this January) has lung cancer, also inoperable, she responded well to treatment but overall it's a big worry. They really need to move out of where they are living, which is on a very steep block and not at all friendly to people with old knees and arthritis and cancer.
We found out about Des a couple of weeks ago, Tim contacted me at work. I was staffing the front desk but had to leave for a while to get myself under control.
Although Jo isn't strictly my children's grandmother (step-grandmother?), as Jasmine said now all four of her grandparents have/had cancer. Both my parents died of it five years ago. Now Tim's dad and step-mother. His own mother died of complications from multiple sclerosis.
My workmate Linh has asthma and has been really wheezy for the past week, possibly due to a lot of smoke in the air as the city is doing controlled burns of bushland (forest) to protect from bushfires. My boss contacted me today to let me know that Linh had collapsed on the weekend and was in hospital - she wanted to tell us in person but had to let me know because it affected Monday morning - I'll be staffing the little library on Linh's days as well as my own until she is better. Poor Linh, she sounded so breathless last time I spoke to her on the phone on Thursday.
Appreciate the health you have while you have it!
Thursday, May 23, 2019
My own little library
Friday:
Hello again! I haven't had much to report on the weight-loss front; I've gained a couple of kilograms over Easter and Mother's Day. I actually haven't weighed myself for a few weeks. In denial. No formal exercise, but I move around quite a lot at work and generally get close to 10,000 steps. I know I need to do more.
Work has been keeping me very busy. We just had Library Week which included hosting an Australia's Biggest Morning Tea event, raising money for cancer research, in two libraries over two days. 200 people in one and over 500 in the other! Spread out over about 2 hours each time, but still constant work preparing food and running back and forth from the kitchen keeping the plates and milk jugs filled, collecting donations, running games and quizzes, cleaning up afterwards. I've got today off because I was exhausted! Actually I asked for half a day, but then the shutter people called to say they could install our plantation shutters, so I got the whole day. Luxury.
Work is going really well. After finishing my Diploma last year, I started work in March this year at a TAFE (adult education) library. The three tiers of responsibility/prestige are Librarian at the top, Library Technician in the middle, then Library Assistant. I qualified as a Tech but was only able to find work as an Assistant at first. But one of my colleagues is currently on Long Service Leave so I stepped up into her job - finally being paid/treated at a Tech! The biggest difference is that two days a week I'm staffing a quiet little library all by myself (back at the old library the other days). I think this shows my boss has a lot of faith in me. I only had about three hours handover so trying to work out where everything is is a challenge! It's mostly the same systems as at my previous/main library but I have additional duties because I do everything. I love having my own little library, I feel like the boss (actually my real boss manages four libraries so I still answer to the same person), but it is quite lonely not having other staff to chat to. Of course I talk to the students a bit but it's not the same as having a chat to people you see every day.
First morning at my little library, before anyone comes in:
Full of people for Australia's Biggest Morning Tea, held all around the country to raise money for cancer research:
This TAFE teaches Horticulture and the students maintain the gardens so it is quite pretty, it's a pity I never get to go outside! Being there by myself means I'm always available, I have lunch and breaks in the office where I can see if anyone needs me - luckily there are plenty of quiet times.
My "dream job" is doing the same duties but back at the TAFE library where I did my work experience last year during my Diploma. It's closer to home and also includes some cataloguing, which is my absolute favourite part of being a library tech and they don't do it in-house at the cluster I currently work in. And guess what! I got in contact with the manager there, who of course I'd met when I did work placement, telling her how keen I was to work there, she said there might be some casual positions coming up and she'd let me know. She did, I had a formal interview (along with a lot of other people) a couple of weeks ago and got rated as suitable to be on the approved applicants list. When preparing for the interview I read about the importance of thanking your interviewer the next day, which seemed weird and uncomfortable to me, too pushy and obviously "pick me!", wasting their valuable time. But the day I got the approval I emailed to thank her for helping make the process so stress-free and how much I was looking forward to maybe working with her in the future. And the next day she offered me a position! I don't know if the thank you triggered that, but it certainly didn't hurt.
It's not a permanent job, but it's as a Library Tech in July/August while someone is away (by then I would have dropped back down to Assistant where I am), with more work probably coming up later in the year. My current boss previously indicated that she would try to backfill my position there with a casual so I could come back to it, but even if she can't I think it is worth the risk. A month at work, a month off, two weeks on, two weeks off, two months on, Christmas off.... sounds perfect!! Actually looking at the dates that have been suggested, I would be working most of term time and not during the school holidays which really is ideal for me. Of course there always the chance I would end up not getting much work next year but I'll risk it. Getting my foot wedged firmly in the door!
Hello again! I haven't had much to report on the weight-loss front; I've gained a couple of kilograms over Easter and Mother's Day. I actually haven't weighed myself for a few weeks. In denial. No formal exercise, but I move around quite a lot at work and generally get close to 10,000 steps. I know I need to do more.
Work has been keeping me very busy. We just had Library Week which included hosting an Australia's Biggest Morning Tea event, raising money for cancer research, in two libraries over two days. 200 people in one and over 500 in the other! Spread out over about 2 hours each time, but still constant work preparing food and running back and forth from the kitchen keeping the plates and milk jugs filled, collecting donations, running games and quizzes, cleaning up afterwards. I've got today off because I was exhausted! Actually I asked for half a day, but then the shutter people called to say they could install our plantation shutters, so I got the whole day. Luxury.
Work is going really well. After finishing my Diploma last year, I started work in March this year at a TAFE (adult education) library. The three tiers of responsibility/prestige are Librarian at the top, Library Technician in the middle, then Library Assistant. I qualified as a Tech but was only able to find work as an Assistant at first. But one of my colleagues is currently on Long Service Leave so I stepped up into her job - finally being paid/treated at a Tech! The biggest difference is that two days a week I'm staffing a quiet little library all by myself (back at the old library the other days). I think this shows my boss has a lot of faith in me. I only had about three hours handover so trying to work out where everything is is a challenge! It's mostly the same systems as at my previous/main library but I have additional duties because I do everything. I love having my own little library, I feel like the boss (actually my real boss manages four libraries so I still answer to the same person), but it is quite lonely not having other staff to chat to. Of course I talk to the students a bit but it's not the same as having a chat to people you see every day.
First morning at my little library, before anyone comes in:
My "dream job" is doing the same duties but back at the TAFE library where I did my work experience last year during my Diploma. It's closer to home and also includes some cataloguing, which is my absolute favourite part of being a library tech and they don't do it in-house at the cluster I currently work in. And guess what! I got in contact with the manager there, who of course I'd met when I did work placement, telling her how keen I was to work there, she said there might be some casual positions coming up and she'd let me know. She did, I had a formal interview (along with a lot of other people) a couple of weeks ago and got rated as suitable to be on the approved applicants list. When preparing for the interview I read about the importance of thanking your interviewer the next day, which seemed weird and uncomfortable to me, too pushy and obviously "pick me!", wasting their valuable time. But the day I got the approval I emailed to thank her for helping make the process so stress-free and how much I was looking forward to maybe working with her in the future. And the next day she offered me a position! I don't know if the thank you triggered that, but it certainly didn't hurt.
It's not a permanent job, but it's as a Library Tech in July/August while someone is away (by then I would have dropped back down to Assistant where I am), with more work probably coming up later in the year. My current boss previously indicated that she would try to backfill my position there with a casual so I could come back to it, but even if she can't I think it is worth the risk. A month at work, a month off, two weeks on, two weeks off, two months on, Christmas off.... sounds perfect!! Actually looking at the dates that have been suggested, I would be working most of term time and not during the school holidays which really is ideal for me. Of course there always the chance I would end up not getting much work next year but I'll risk it. Getting my foot wedged firmly in the door!
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