Half the weekend gone already

Saturday:

I made it through BodyStep again today despite the water-Nazi instructor. Man, that is a hard class. I was thinking today about how it is the hardest thing I do on a regular basis -- just shows how easy my life is!

I had a disturbing dream last night where I had chosen assisted suicide (no idea why) and they were going to hang me but when they put the rope around my neck I cried out "I don't want to die" so they took it off again. But the weirdest thing was that what stressed me most was that I hadn't chosen to live so much as chosen not to die, if that makes sense. It had been a very negative and cowardly decision (not wanting to die) rather than a positive life-affirming decision (wanting to live). I wandered in and out of sleep for the rest of the night worrying about it.

As usual the Step class exhausted me so I didn't do much for the rest of the day. Now it's Saturday night and I feel like I have wasted half the weekend.

photo by stopherjones

Put down that bottle of water!

Saturday:

I had my usual resistance to Saturday's BodyStep. It is after lunch, and I generally do better exercising first thing in the morning; and I was tired and my body was a bit sore from Pump yesterday (because I didn't stay for stretches?); and it is the most intense class of the week. I was considering taking an easier option like an hour of treadmill. We were running a bit late for the kids swimming lesson and I was quite ready to (oh so reluctanty) miss the class if they had already started. But luckily/alas I got there in time. Yay/damn.

The first 20 mins were great, I had a brick under my step and leapt around like a pudgy middle-aged gazelle. Then I ran out of energy. I blame the nazi instructor who doesn't let us drink between tracks (we are only allowed 2 drinks, I think, throught the whole class). I sometimes defy her, but when you have someone yelling into a microphone for you to come back, don't drink yet, don't leave your step... it's kind of hard. I was dripping sweat and dry mouthed and exhausted. As usual, I dragged myself through the rest of the class without a modicum of pep or vim. And then ate a chocolate bar.

I wore my heart rate monitor but forgot to turn it off until I was in the car on the way home. So it is a bit inaccurate, but I did spend 22 mins in zone 1, 20 mins in zone 2 and 1 min in zone 3. The rest was zone 0. 214 calories. Peak HR 144.

I am very happy that I have exercised 4 days out of the past 5. My eating is still not under control though. I am just so hungry! And when I am not hungry, I still eat anyway. At least I don't have much junk in the house now, but I am pigging out on cheese and buttered cruskits.

I have quite a few family events in the next couple of months; at fortnightly intervals in Sydney (3.5 hours drive away) I have a friends birthday party, a cousin-in-law's birthday, and my cousin's engagement party. Also, back here, we have my boy Aiden's 5th birthday -- and his best friend's the week before. Then Christmas is looming, and holidays away. I wish I was thinner already to show off to family and friends. But getting there slowly.

Little milestones

Saturday:

This morning I really really didn't want to go to the gym. But I had to. So I did my BodyStep class. For the first time, I added "bricks" under my Step - usually I just have it very low. I went up to intermediate level. I got through two tracks but my calves were burning and I didn't think I would make it through the whole class so I took the bricks out. I will try to use them for a bit longer each time. The second half of the class you are supposed to lower your Step anyway, so I only have to get to halfway. That is my first goal, at least. Eventually I will use two sets of bricks, moving down to one set for the second half of the class. One day!

I didn't wear my heart rate monitor today.

Then in the afternoon we did some gardening. I pruned our three big hydrangea bushes. This involves lots of squatting to get to the low bits, and various bending and stretching, and then lifting the branches into the greenwaste bin. I thought about stopping after I'd finished the first one, but decided to keep going. I think it took about 45 mins altogether. After I finished I realised that this was probably the first time ever I had done all three in one session. Usually it takes me two or three. Awesome! So maybe I am gaining a little fitness after all. I wasn't sure I was, my exercise classes always seem just as hard. But maybe that is because I am pushing myself harder.

Small milestones, but it is good to feel I am getting somewhere.

I have kept to my diet plan today, so I am feeling better about that after three really bad days this week.

I ordered a new set of bathroom scales with my frequent flyer points and it came today. I haven't tried it out yet, I will wait for tomorrow morning. It will be interesting to compare results to our old one, and the one at the gym. But I will now be able to weigh myself every day, if I want. This one tells you bodyfat percentage and stuff.

More rambles about my "journey"

Saturday:

I had lovely sleep-in this morning and remembered to have lunch before I went to my BodyStep class, so I had enough energy to get through it without actually collapsing. It felt more achievable than last week, but still completely exhausting. I had to have a nap this afternoon. After all this exercise, I still don't feel that much fitter. But I will just have to keep going.

Stats: 57 mins, 15% zone 0, 54% zone 1, 31% zone 2. 205 calories, average HR 118, peak HR 135. Maybe I should start recording minutes in each zone rather than percentages.

After two days of wholemeal bread, both times fresh (not toasted) with cheese, today I had poached eggs on a slice of toast for lunch. And it was HORRIBLE! The same bread, yet now it was back to my previous experiences and dislike of wholegrain bread. I don't know if it was the fact that it was toasted instead of soft, or the difference in topping, but I hated it. I ate it, rather than toasting a hi-fibre white slice, because I didn't want my eggs to go cold; but I resented every calorie that I was eating without enjoying. I will experiment, but might have to only have wholegrain when I have just bought it fresh and not get a whole loaf. I am not willing to eat something I dislike so much. My hi-fibre low-GI white bread is a reasonably good alternative.

Speaking of resenting food, last night after dinner I had still only had 1.5 of my 3 serves of dairy and although I wasn't at all hungry I decided to have a yoghurt. Dairy is important. And I probably missed snacking. I didn't like the new flavour I tried, so I put it back for my husband to have and had a hunk of tasty cheese instead. It was yummy, but afterwards it kind of just sat in my stomach and I was a bit disappointed with myself. I was genuinely trying to do the right thing by eating all the elements of my nutrition plan, but I felt I had made a mistake by eating something when I totally wasn't hungry -- and well after dinnertime. I need to listen to my body more and only eat what I need.

Other than these tiny hiccups, I am still doing really well on the plan. Looking over my checklist, I haven't quite managed to get in five serves of vegetables most days, and sometimes only have two dairy instead of three. My meat serves might have been a bit smaller than allowed, too, on some days. But I have had a good balance of everything each day. I have had one scheduled "indulgence" (2 squares of chocolate) and am saving the other for tomorrow. I have exercised for an hour or more five days out of six. The only thing I haven't done is eaten fish. The diet recommends two dinners of fish per week and I haven't had any (I had half a tin of sardines one lunchtime). I will work on that. It is tricky because none of us like fish much, especially my husband. He only likes salmon, which is very expensive. I think salmon is the only one my daughter eats, as well. I'll find some new recipes. We need fish that doesn't taste like fish. I currently have both versions of the CSIRO book in the house, with lots of healthy recipes.

The other thing to focus on is liquid intake, this is an ongoing struggle for me. I will continue with it.

I am excited about my weigh-in tomorrow.

Ye Gods but I am tired. And cold, because I am tired. Time to whip up a healthy dinner. Sigh. I like cooking, but often when I am menu planning I decide on complicated recipes then when it comes to that night I don't feel like all the fiddliness and wish I had just bought a steak.

I run like a girl

Saturday:

Today my gym instructor had a t-shirt that read: "I run like a girl!" I think there was more in small letters at the bottom that I couldn't read from where I was. I thought that was an excellent sentiment, turning what can be an insult into an affirmation.

Tim has his hip hop class in the morning, so I went to the gym at 12.30 when he was supervising the kids at their swimming lesson (first of the season) in the pool downstairs. I had meant for us to have lunch before we left but somehow we didn't have time. I don't know if it was the lack of food, or the time of the month, or the fact I hadn't done BodyStep (by far the most strenuous of my classes) for a few weeks, or a mix of everything -- but I had no energy at all. I was struggling by about the 12 minute mark and I took a while to pick up the new choreography and even had to stop a few times. As usual, I didn't stay for the ab work.

51 mins, 41% zone 0, 56% zone 1, 3% zone 2, 135 cal, av HR 109, peak HR 127. You can see I was going pretty slow, I barely got my HR up at all.

And I was ravenous. I didn't shower after my class but went down to the kiosk and scoffed a Picnic (chocolate) bar in about three bites. Mmmm, chocolate and nuts and caramel and wafers. [I didn't mention this bit to my husband, but he reads this blog -- hi darling!] Then I went into the pool area and helped Tim get the kids back into dry clothes, and easily convinced him that we needed fried chicken and chips for lunch. It was nearly 2.00 pm by this stage and no-one had eaten since breakfast (except me and my chocolate bar, of course).

We finally got the food home about 2.20 and shovelled it in. Obviously future Saturdays are going to need better planning. The kids and I will have to eat lunch very early and have something ready for Tim as he's only home for a short time between activities.

Such a late huge greasy lunch meant that I wasn't hungry at dinnertime and only ate a quarter of my steak and a few mouthfuls of corn and gnocchi.

Tomorrow is a celebration day with more "sometimes" food. Monday I will get back on track. Perhaps that "back" is a bit misleading -- have I been on track yet? Anyway, I will make some careful food plans and work on it.

I had a bit of a chuckle to myself at the start of class today. I got a Step with two "bricks" for each end to raise it as usual. As the instructor was about to start I suddenly noticed that most people around me only had their Step one brick high. But everyone always has two... in Pump! In BodyStep I can barely get through the class with NO bricks, and here I was standing behind two. For some reason I found this funny and couldn't stop smiling as I put the bricks back on the stack. Until class started, and I was too buggered to smile.

Gym six times this week. Five and a half if you want to get picky about leaving early on Tuesday. So a pretty good week for exercise. Very bad week for food intake. I wonder what the scales will read tomorrow. And how will exercise go after bacon and eggs for breakfast?

image by yum9me

Sweat is fat crying

Sunday

Despite a houseful of guests, I went to my 50/50 gym class this morning. It's half aerobics and half Step. It had previously been my favourite class; but now, although I still enjoy it, it has been passed by a full class of Step, Zumba, and even BodyPump. The main reason for this is that I find the aerobics portion is not ideal for my current limitations. There are bits I just can't do, which is frustrating. But it's still good.

My stats were: 60 mins, 12% in zone 0, 72% in zone 1,and 16% in zone 2. The reason for the slower heart-rate was partly, as I said, that I can't do it all so sometimes have to just do something less jumpy than the rest of the class; but also because I was so exhausted from yesterday's class (and probably from looking after house-guests) that I was dragging myself through the moves. I found it all really hard. Two high-intensity cardio days in a row is punishing at my level of fitness. I'm glad I have BodyPump tomorrow -- weights not cardio.

To continue: 216 calories, average HR 117, peak HR 137. I weighed myself at 79.9 kg, a bit up from yesterday. Sunday is my official weigh-in day, so that is today. I imagine the extra weight is from all the junk I have been eating this weekend (or just a daily fluctuation). The trick will be to stop eating all the junk -- all the guests brought lots of junk food and alcohol with them and we haven't gone through half of it, I assume the rest will be left behind when they go home in the morning. I need to save it for next Thursday's D&D night. Or just throw away anything that is too tempting, like the chips. I can probably resist the alcohol, biscuits and lollies. I only ate half of my dessert tonight so there is delicious raspberry chocolate mousse in the fridge as well.

I had a nap this afternoon while most of the others went for a walk. I was just too tired. I only got to rest for an hour; then I got up and made the dessert, got dinner started, repacked the dishwasher, put the washed clothes in the dryer so I would have something to wear to the gym tomorrow, hand-washed my heart-rate monitor strap... it has been a busy weekend, and the evening isn't over yet.

I'm thinking about using the gym's spa after my Pump class tomorrow. It is included in my high-level membership, but I haven't used it yet. Might be nice for my sore muscles. The kids will be at school -- I have the whole day (until 3 pm) for whatever I want! There are a few movies I want to see, too, after I have done my exercise each day.

The gym instructor said an awesome thing in class, she said she got it from her instructor: "I want to see you sweat! Sweat is fat crying!" I love that.

I showered at the gym today (I usually go home) but of course I had taken my winter clothes to change into and I was still so hot even after my shower that it was torture putting my thick shirt on. My face was still so bright red that it was a bit embarrassing to pop into the shops on my way home. I was at the checkout when my father-in-law walked past -- he didn't recognise me at first glance! I looked like a tomato. Hopefully this won't continue to happen after I am fit; Tim used to get red too after exercise but he doesn't any more now that he rides an hour and a half every day on his bike.

I must be jumping a lot more in class than I used to, because I have noticed recently that my bosoms are bouncing a bit uncomfortably. I have never been particularly large, and I wear a sports bra, so I have never had this problem before.

My nutrition focus this week is going to be breakfast. As I have mentioned before, I struggle to eat something healthy -- or anything at all, although I always do -- at that time of day. But yesterday I had a banana, and today I had Sustain cereal, so that is a good start.

I leave you with the reminder that sweat is fat crying.

And we're off

Saturday

Half of our weekend guests have arrived and Tim had dance this morning, but I still managed to get out to a BodyStep class. My face is still bright red an hour later -- it was exhausting! Really good. I hadn't really done any cardio since Tuesday last week -- since then I'd only done a short session on the bike and a Pump class -- so I'd lost whatever endurance I'd gained from my first two weeks of exercise; but I can't do much about that now. I'm just starting from here.

My stats were: 50 mins; 17% in zone 0 (including abdominal work on the mat which I did some of between waiting for the room to stop spinning, and stretches at the end); 26% in zone 1; 41% in zone 2; 14% in zone 3 AND 2% in > zone 3 (lets call that zone 4, shall we). That is amazing. Average HR 125, peak HR 162. Remembering that 163 is my 'keeling over from a heart attack' point, I think I worked pretty damn hard. 205 calories doesn't really seem to reflect it.

On the nutrition side -- I have just ordered pizzas for our lunch... Oh well. I love cooking, especially for visitors, but I didn't want to have to cook 4 main meals over the weekend for lots of people, so I have gone for 1 fast food takeaway. Here on in I will be making all the food, including desserts of course. And snacks. Lemon cupcake, anyone?

Working to exhaustion

Saturday

I went to the gym after lunch and worked maybe the hardest I ever have in a gym class - certainly in the top five. It was Step, which is always high intensity. In the last couple of aerobic tracks I was so exhausted I was nearly in tears and slowed right down, but then thought: bugger it, I can do this, and just pushed myself harder. After that we lay on mats to do some ab work and I could barely move, the ceiling was spinning. I didn't do much of that track, some of the leg moves but mostly just lay there, and when I noticed my heart rate had dropped under 100 I turned it off. I got up for the stretch track.

My stats were: 50 mins recorded; 8% in zone 0, 18% in zone 1, 63% in zone 2, and 11% in zone 3. How amazing is that! So much higher than anything else so far. 63% in zone 2!! And 11% up in zone 3! I am so proud of that.

217 calories, average HR 128, peak HR 152. Pretty awesome.

All this, mind you, was on a step with no extra risers and never doing full-on jumping - always taking the "easier" option. I am not starting from a point of fitness. I think I worked as hard as anyone in the room. Harder.

I am still feeling exhausted. Tim has taken the kids out for a while and I need to get some work done, but I really want to just lie down and sleep. I am kind of dreading doing it again tomorrow morning. But I know I can.

Good and bad

Thursday

Tonight is the usual D&D evening and I bought a bag of potato chips to contribute. But I ate them. After working for an hour this morning, I ate half the bag. And two chocolate biscuits. Later, after going to the gym and doing a Step class, I ate some chicken for lunch, then the other half. And some chocolate. There are now about ten chips sitting sadly at the bottom of the bag.

I have to stop telling myself that I can't resist chips. Or chocolate. I can, and I will.

I couldn't weigh myself today because I didn't have time before the class. My stats were: 49 mins (I didn't stay for the stretches, I was feeling all tired and yuck - no wonder after all that junk); 13% in zone 0, 70% in zone 1; 17% in zone 2. I am happy with those percentages. 166 calories. Average HR 117, peak HR 131. Would be good - except in balance with the hundreds of extra empty calories I have already eaten today, before the actual supper tonight.

In A Game of Thrones (or the second book, I think), a pirate becomes a hero. They cut all the fingers off one of his hands and make him a knight. They don't weigh the bad against the good and come up with some kind of average - the bad and good are separate things to be dealt with on their own merits.

I woke up today feeling very tired and sluggish and my diet certainly hasn't improved things. I feel yuck and headachy. Need a nap.

I need to concentrate on the good. I went to the gym today, the sixth time in a week and a half. I am on schedule with my exercise. I am in control of my own life, my own actions, and what I put in my mouth. I can do this.

Sunday stepping

Home scales today read 81.4 (more or less), the gym 80.3. So I am not yet down to last week's weight, but getting there. Had a good dieting day yesterday. Tomorrow is the official 2-week point.

I worked really hard at the gym this morning. It was the 50/50 class - half aerobics/half bodystep. Much more exhausting than zumba. By the time we even got to the step half I was pretty tired and sweaty and red in the face, and still had the hardest part to go! It was great!

I still do everything at the most basic level, I can hardly imagine being able to leap around like some of the others, and on a much higher step. But I know I will get there. The instructor hurt her back yesterday so she was taking it easy. Luckily the rest of the class go regularly (I used to go quite often too) so they knew all the moves. I was doing about the same level as the instructor - I don't think she broke a sweat.

I could go and have a nap right now... but it's Sunday and I had better spend some time with the family.