First day of spring

Tuesday:

As you can see, I actually went out for a walk today! The air was full of the scents of wattle and freshly cut grass. Sunny but still a bit cool - but I warmed up enough to take off my jumper. Actually I went for three walks because I also went up to the school in the afternoon, and walked my friend's children home after a play-date here. Total of around an hour today.

That was the only time I spent moving my body, though. I was on the computer the rest of the day; organising a conveyancer (lawyer for house buying and selling), carpet cleaning, real estate agent etc. Not even any packing today!

Packing

Thursday:

Much better sleep last night, I didn't wake in discomfort until dawn. And after the first uncomfortable hour or two that seems to be my mornings at the moment, the pain subsided completely. I'm obviously almost over whatever it was - but I'd still like to know what it was wrong with me! Nearly two weeks of pain, quite significant at times.

The painters came back very early (I was up and dressed, due to said discomfort, everyone else was still in bed), moved around the things we'd put in the studio and re-stained the wooden wall that had been discoloured by plaster dust getting into the grooves. All done in an hour. Maybe, just maybe, the room is finished now?? We'll see.

Feeling a little bit of paralysis today, soooo much to do but what to do first? And some things I can't do until closer to the time. I guess what I'm working on is getting the house looking pretty and ready to put on the market, which means hiding a lot of our clutter. So I packed a couple of boxes of books from places where they were double-thick on the bookcases, and a few other things. I got into the groove after a while and tired myself out. It's only a drop in the ocean, so far. But a bit each day and we'll get there. I know Tim will do a lot on the weekends, and Jasmine packed some of her non-essential toys after school.

Two months!

Wednesday:

Moving in two months!

Another bad night, with pain keeping me awake from about 4am. It's definitely not as bad as it was, say, last Thursday night (the worst night by far), but it is still very disruptive. Painkillers help me doze eventually but no really good sleep. I was unable to get an appointment with my doctor today (I have one booked for next Tuesday but they hold a few spaces open each day for whoever calls the millisecond they open the phones), I'll try again tomorrow.

The cleaner came this morning so I bustled around getting things off the floor. I don't pre-clean for the cleaner but it's hard for him to do his job when there's Lego blocks everywhere. It wasn't quite so bad today because we have moved some things back out to the rumpus room, it's less cluttered in here.

I spent the rest of the morning looking at houses online. There wasn't anything I really liked in the area where we can afford a nice house. A couple of suburbs along towards the coast and nice houses are suddenly $1.3 million! We are looking in an area near my brother-in-law, but closer to train lines than he is.

Then Tim called to say he'd been discussing the move at work and they have settled on a start date only two months away! Which I am all for, I wanted sooner rather than later. Exciting and a bit scary. I'm really glad we've already had all this work done to the house recently, it's that much less to do. I went out and got a few boxes to start packing up non-essentials. I started with clothes that are too small for me! I filled a bag to give to the Salvos, but also a packing box of items I love and hope to wear again one day.

Just before I went out, it started snowing! It's only the third time I've ever seen snow here, and all three times there have been obvious flakes but they melt before they hit the ground. Still exciting. I certainly noticed how cold it was when I went out straight afterwards, and again in the evening taking Jasmine to her dance lesson.

I am so much better emotionally today. Ready to tackle the challenge of moving.

Sydney?

Wednesday:

It was a freezing cold and drizzly day so we didn't get out much, just to the library. I don't feel too guilty about this because Tim is taking the next couple of days off so he can be the fun parent!

Our cleaner came this morning (Jasmine commented that we now have a gardener and a cleaner! Makes us sound very posh, doesn't it) so I rushed around first trying to tidy a bit so he would have clear surfaces to clean. It's nice having a sparkling kitchen and bathrooms. Five minutes after the cleaner left Aiden raided the recycling box armed with a pair of scissors so the lounge no longer looks freshly vacuumed. Bits of cardboard everywhere.

We all did some colouring-in,

...

I was typing away when Tim called, firstly to say he would be home really late tonight (to make up for taking the next two days off) but secondly that he has practically been offered a move to Sydney, to a different section within his current government department. He asked for it months ago and things have been moving very slowly but it is suddenly looking like it might actually happen! Not absolutely certain yet. We've been wavering about moving to Sydney, partly because of the horrible house prices there - they have gone up 25% in the past year, but have decided to go for it if this is our chance. I am keen to move, I really want a change. Even if it is to a bigger more expensive city with more traffic and pollution! We'd be nearer family, and the beach, and all the conveniences and entertainments of a real city. And it has a much milder climate, usually, than here. As I feel my fingers and toes slowly freezing, even inside with ducted gas heating, that is a big plus for me right now! If it happens, it would be whenever Tim negotiates with his current boss. Three months? Jasmine would get to do her big dance concert here but still start her new High School along with everyone else, which I think is important.

Funny that the movie we saw yesterday, Inside Out, was about an eleven year old girl going through the trauma of moving to a new city...

I don't think I'll be ordering a new fridge in the next few days.

It's good the house is almost ready for sale. Except that stupid hole in the roof.

But I'm not counting on moving until it is certain.

...

Ok back to today. Oh yes, colouring-in:

Then the library to get a big stack of books, some unhealthy takeaway lunch, and an afternoon hanging around the house. More colouring-in, reading, watching some TV, I did some paperwork relating to dad's estate. No exercise, which is bad. And the lunch was unhealthy (fried chicken, and a few chips) but I am still kind of proud that I resisted a lot of other things all day - I really wanted to go out and buy some cake. The weather actually helped keep me away from my favourite cake shop! And couldn't be bothered baking one myself. A small win.

Report card:
Diet: Poor lunch, good the rest of the day.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: A bit overexcited right now.

That report card looks really bad, but maybe a few of the categories could be given a more generous "ok" rather than "poor". I don't really feel like I did that badly today. It was just a quiet day.

Time limit

Thursday:

I went for a walk this morning so I got half an hour of genuine exercise in. The best I've done for weeks. We had heavy fog this morning that burned off later to reveal a clear and relatively warm winter's day so I took advantage of it. I also did some thinking while I walked and decided on a three step plan about where we are going to live (subject to husbandly approval, of course, but I think he will like it).

1) Decide whether Sydney is included in places we want to live, or not. We've been wavering about this and need to make a decision. It is the most likely place for Tim to find a good job aside from where we are now. I've talked about the many pros and cons before; family, traffic, climate etc. I'm currently leaning towards a yes.

2) Set a fairly short time limit, maybe four to six months, on finding a job outside Canberra; whether that is in Sydney or somewhere away from the big cities.

3) If we get to the end of that time limit, towards the end of this year, without good prospects of a job elsewhere, then we commit to our current location in Canberra for another ten years or so. Buy a bigger house or else do a knock-down rebuild on this block, and settle in. 

We are sick of not knowing where we are going to live, not being able to make long term plans. We started to think about moving away from here about five years ago, and have therefore put a lot of things off because of not knowing if we'd even be in this city. Schools, renovations, even whether to buy a new TV or not! I want to set a time limit then make a commitment.

Report card:
Diet: Tick, no food after 8. Otherwise poor to ok.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Tick, kept the CPAP on. Ok sleep, not great.
Mental health: Good.

Stress

Thursday:

Still really struggling with my mood today. Part of it of course is about my weight. I'd kind of been trying to buoy myself up a bit by telling myself that part of my gain was water weight that would quickly drop off with a couple of days of low carb/high water intake. Wrong. I guess it's just fat. I have lost a few hundred grams, quite reasonable for two days of eating clean, but nothing like my water weight hopes. The fat will come off, I know, if I keep persevering.

A big part of my stress at the moment is coming from the whole issue of moving house. We have lived here for 15 years and my husband has a secure well-paid job that is pretty specific to this city, our nation's capital. Most of our family lives in Sydney, where we both grew up, which is three to four hours away depending on which part. We've wanted to move back there for a while, and with the money from my mum we can afford it (house prices there are the highest in Australia and going up all the time). Ironically, moving there is no longer so urgent for me now that mum has died.

The problem is that there are no jobs in Sydney for Tim at his level. Almost no jobs in his area at all. He saw one this weekend he could apply for. The salary was less than half what he is getting now. Less than half! Even if he got the job - and I assume the competition would be fierce with so little available - do we want to move to a more expensive city with a lot less money coming in? I don't think that is an option.

Our current house is getting a bit small for us, and needs a lot of work because we've done nothing to maintain it over the years. So what do we do? Fix up this house a bit and sit here until a better job becomes available in Sydney, maybe years down the track? Do major renovations like three of our friends are doing right now, with all the expense and hassle that entails? Fix it up and sell it, buying a bigger house in the same city so Tim can keep his job, but moving away from the kids' school and friends without the benefit of being nearer family?

The other big problem is my husband works very long hours and has so much stress that he had to go on high blood pressure medication. Stress is the only issue, as far as we know, he exercises a lot and isn't overweight. It's just his job. And he gets home late every night. I'd love him to change jobs, if he could find one, to something less stressful and demanding - but not quite down to less than half his current pay!

Unless we did a complete seachange. Live quietly in a little town somewhere with much less money and much less stress. I don't think that is going to happen.

So. We just don't know what we are going to do. All a bit stressful.

I also has a really restless night for no apparent reason. But sometimes I think my mood isn't controlled by outer circumstances, just influenced by them. Maybe I just woke up on the sad side of the bed.

The kids went straight to their Lego after breakfast and I barely saw them to lunchtime. I didn't even make them get dressed, they were perfectly happy with lots of giggles and imaginative play. They play so well together. I read. We made little pizzas for lunch, then in the afternoon went to an indoor playground next to the airport. It was a lovely autumn day but that was what the kids chose, and I was happy to sit and read and rest my foot. Jumping castle and slides and vertical tunnels and a ball pit for the little ones. We were there for three hours, and the last people there! Then picked up Tim from work and went out for Chinese for dinner.

Report card:
Diet: Poor. Doughnut AND chips at the play land, Chinese for dinner (not too much, but very salty and probably had sugar too). I had struggled with cravings all morning due to sad mood, and gave in a bit in the afternoon.
Exercise: Nil, but I think this was a good choice. My foot feels much better after sitting around all day.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Good in the sense of sticking to my CPAP goals. But a bad night.
Mental health: Pretty bad all day, but I'm actually ending the evening ok. I feel like I got through the day without letting it descend into a disaster. So I ate a few things and didn't drink all my water. I did alright, considering.