It's gone!

Thursday:

Time for a bit of a health update. I forgot to mention Monday's weight, it was 83.6 kg, I'm down to 82.7 now after four days of healthy eating so that is great. Mostly water weight but I don't care, it's gone!

Last night the plantar wart on my foot came off! Yay! Please please let that be all of it and not have it grow back. I'm not 100% sure, vinegar isn't kind to skin after weeks of constant applications, so I have what I hope is just some dead skin still hanging on. I'm left with a big crater in my foot, it's pretty raw and tender but I'm sure that will heal quickly. Very happy! In time for spring and the upcoming warmer weather.

Actually I didn't start the day off happy. Night sweats, weird vivid dreams, waking up with pelvic pain, I was tired and a bit sad this morning. Then we didn't have internet access for hours which was frustrating... I don't need internet to edit but I wanted to email Tim something he needed for the afternoon (he didn't get it in time) and I like to start the day with a cup of tea and a browse of my blogs and stuff. So I got a bit frustrated. And I didn't leave the house, which I think is bad for me. It was raining this morning, it cleared up in the afternoon but I still didn't go out. Anyway, I'm fine now and appreciating life again.

So Much For That

Wednesday:

I've been reading a book called So Much For That by Lionel Shriver, who also wrote We Need to Talk About Kevin about the mother of a mass shooter and Big Brother about a morbidly obese sibling. All really compelling books. I'd been reading this one for a few days but got sucked into it at lunchtime and couldn't put it down, finishing it just before Jasmine got home from school! It's about a man who has planned for years to escape the rat race and go and live cheaply and simply in Africa or somewhere, and finally delivers an ultimatum to his wife that he is going with or without her. And she tells him she's just found out she has a very serious form of cancer. She needs his emotional and financial support, and his health insurance. It's about caring for someone through a terminal illness, the US medical insurance system, giving up your dreams for those you love, how family and friends don't always react the way you expect to crises. As always, Shriver is insightful and heartrending.

My husband just rang after yet another conversation with the furniture store we've been chasing for about eight months now about Aiden's chest-of-drawers, which originally arrived (last Christmas) with a piece missing. Twice we have gone through the whole rigmarole of them ordering the part and after months of waiting finding out they got the wrong part. And they never call us back, we have to keep calling them. Well today they told him they have the piece (for the third time) and their tradesman will contact me to arrange a time to come and fix it. Crossed fingers! I just think it's funny, now.

I've been continuing with the vinegar treatment on my wart, and last night the whole top came off so the rest is now level with my foot, which makes walking a bit more comfortable. More vinegar! I'm at war with this horrid thing.

Scans and vinegar

Friday:

I forgot to mention I picked up my pelvic bone scans the other day. The gyno had looked at them and said they were fine, so we're just continuing with the fibroid surgery whenever I come up on the waiting list. The report with the scans mentions that I have arthritis (I'm 46, I'm not old!) and also "increased blood pool activity, suggesting inflammation ... clinical correlation is suggested to determine if further imaging would be warranted" so I'm not sure why this isn't significant? Maybe the other imaging I've had already covers this? I didn't actually speak to the doctor.

In other news, after a couple of weeks of "giving up" on the plantar wart on my foot - after months of various treatments - I decided that giving up wasn't helping. I looked around on the internet and there are some really weird interesting home remedies (like burning it with a red-hot fork, banana peel, or (my favourite) getting someone to buy it from you, literally giving you money and the wart magically disappears) but one that kept coming up was using apple cider vinegar. I didn't have any, but I did have rice wine vinegar and decided to give it a try. I soaked a tiny piece of cotton wool in vinegar and put it under a waterproof bandaid. 24 hours later half the wart peeled off! This has happened before, each time after about three weeks of continuous acid treatment, but it's always grown back straight away. So I am hopeful but not too hopeful. I am visualising the rest falling off, mentally pushing it away. Yesterday, before the half came off, it was a really good day with not much pain but today it is extremely painful. Sharp shooting pains even when I am not walking. Definitely worth it if it's working! Imagine if after all that time and pharmaceutical treatment and pain, a bit of vinegar does the trick!

No way I was getting out to my park today, just walking around the shops was more than enough for one day. Very sore.

I wonder why reading a book is considered a praiseworthy, almost noble, pursuit; but playing a computer game - also sitting still and participating in someone else's imagination - is a waste of time to be frowned upon. Someone else mentioned in their blog (hi Martha!) that people wandering around outside playing Pokémon Go looked like zombies and that maybe they should try looking up at the real world, and (although I like the real world too) that made me wonder why is an imaginary world "bad" and the real world "good" to experience? If we take the exercise component out of it, compare someone saying they spent the weekend driving along the coast looking at the beautiful scenery, and someone else saying they spent the weekend playing World of Warcraft which has amazing and beautiful scenery too - on a screen. The first would (by many people) be considered quite nice and in no way a waste of a weekend, something you could even boast about a bit as if you achieved something, the second would (by many people) be considered a complete waste of time, something to shrug a bit shamefaced about, I "just" stayed home and played computer games. But why? And maybe I'm misrepresenting other people here, but seems that is how many people think. Both involve sitting and staring, enjoying what you are looking at. I often play WoW with my husband and children as a team, we are looking at the same things on our screens and co-operating and talking, no less interaction than if we were sitting in a car together - indeed probably a great deal more. Sorry for the rant, I am honestly trying to work out if I'm missing something.

I've been worried for a couple of weeks that my sister-in-law Ping was upset with me, though I wasn't sure and didn't know why. The only thing I could think of was that I didn't go to the movies with her, and took 24 hours to get back to her about it which didn't seem like a great reason, there was nothing obvious but I just had this feeling. Anyway, I just got an invitation to someone else's baby shower and suddenly remembered! A few weeks ago she asked me to host her baby shower (in a few months) and I didn't react with enthusiasm. It was a bad moment, I was feeling particularly wiped out with all the health and hormonal issues, I'd never had a baby shower myself and only been to a couple, and a friend of hers hosted her last one (I wasn't living nearby then) and it was magnificent and elaborate which really scared me a bit to compete with that. Although I said I'd do it, I know I was rather negative and hesitant. And then forgot about it. And since then have had this subtle vibe that she wasn't happy with me. So! I just sent her a much more enthusiastic text asking for details of when she wanted it etc and she texted straight back with a very lovely message. I feel so relieved. I don't think I was imagining things! We are very fond of each other and I'm sure she was very disappointed with my initial reaction after she showed her love by choosing me. Hopefully it's all sorted now.

Deal with it

Monday:

Tim is back at work and Aiden at school today, Jasmine goes back tomorrow.

This morning I weighed 82.0 kg. Tiny bit up.

I've realised I just have to learn to deal with things as they are now. I have night sweats (often with bad dreams) regularly but I can generally just go back to sleep after they wake me. The herbal tablets don't always work, or I forget to take them. Wearing summer pyjamas, so I am too cold, does seem to help. It's one more thing disrupting my sleep, but I can cope (most days).

The pelvic pain, extended heavy periods, emotional roller coaster, well I'm seeing the gyno next week about the fibroids but if this is my life now well I can't keep turning to chocolate to save me. It doesn't work.

My foot: last night I decided to give up. I've spent months using every treatment available even super strong stuff I had to travel to get from a specialist chemist, the doctor has frozen it four times, nothing has worked. Several times the acid paint has made a chunk of dead skin with part of the wart peel off, but within about 24 hours it was back. It is twice the size it was three months ago. I'll just have to wait for my body to reject the virus, which typically takes a couple of years or more.

So what does that mean? It means I don't want to keep my life on hold waiting to be able to walk comfortably again. But just thinking that doesn't stop it hurting, so I'm not really sure what to do. One thing is that generally it hurts a lot more in the morning and less in the afternoon, so I can work around that. I can remind myself that I am not doing myself any damage - it's not like an injury that needs to be rested.

I put my plans into practise with a short walk in the afternoon with Jasmine. 20 minutes around the block included her trying to catch some Pokémon which slowed us down, the rest of the time she was zooming ahead barely within shouting range. I went slow. When we started I hardly hurt at all, by the time we got back I was very uncomfortable. The pain went again once I was home so it didn't set me up for hours of agony or anything. I will try to remind myself that it will only hurt in the moment then it will be over.

We also did the grocery shopping with no junk bought, only strawberries and cherries for an afternoon tea treat. Good day.

Niece

Saturday:

We babysat our three-year-old niece for a few hours today so Nick and Ping could enjoy their anniversary with lunch and a movie. We walked up to the park, quite a distance for little legs, and had lunch at McDonald's before walking home again. That took up a lot of the time, and Jasmine entertained her the rest. Emma is a little inclined to wilfulness but it all went smoothly and was fun.

My plantar wart is back. 48 hours back to full size and sore to walk on. Sigh.

In the evening we went out to a surprise birthday dinner for Tim's Aunt Vanessa's 60th. She thought she was just going out to dinner with her husband, walked into the restaurant to find 60 of us waiting! Far too much food, I feel quite bloated. Her son, Tim's cousin Matthew, is a musician and he played guitar and sang throughout the evening which was lovely. I'll have to find you a link to his YouTube channel.

My Christmas present last year from Tim was a big TV. As well as wanting a bigger screen, I particularly wanted one so we could put the old one (only ever had one TV before this) in the kitchen. In our old house I could see the TV from the kitchen while I was cooking, as well as the lounge and eating area. But in this house I can't, the lounge is separate from the kitchen. I like to watch while cooking and washing up etc. Anyway, tonight the new one suddenly died! It's only six months old! At least it's definitely still under warranty.

Pointless

Thursday:

Eating clean in June lasted a whole day.

I had a particularly bad night; starting with lying awake for two hours trying to get to sleep, then three trips to the bathroom (unusual) and one calf cramp (also unusual), and culminating in waking early with pelvic pain. So I was tired and unmotivated all day. I did use my CPAP for about four hours again, but as at least two of those were lying awake I don't know how much good it did.

I saw my doctor today to see if she could refer me to a different gynaecologist so I didn't have to wait another two months for an appointment. The original one was about 20 minutes away, female, and my doctor particularly recommended her. Turns out the only other ones she knows of are more like 30-40 minutes away, and male. If it was a one-off visit I'd go to whoever could see me first but this might be an ongoing relationship so I decided to stick with the recommended (female, closer) one. So I just have to wait.

I also asked her about this plantar on my foot which often makes it quite painful to walk. We discussed last time her freezing it off if the other home treatment (my third) didn't work. After a week that has made no difference whatsoever, I decided to go for the painful freeze. But she had run out of freezing liquid! So I have to wait another week. The whole visit to the doctor was completely pointless.

Tim is getting a week off work soon and a hotel we like to stay at on the beach in Queensland is currently having a sale. But I can't see the point (for me) of going. I can't go for walks along the beach and even walking a few blocks to restaurants would hurt, I certainly can't envisage walking around a theme park all day, I'll be tired but can't sleep which isn't very relaxing, and these horrible unrelenting heavy extended periods mean I wouldn't be able to get in a pool. And I'm always on a diet (or should be) so wouldn't even be able to indulge in food (or not without guilt). I could sit in the hotel room and watch TV.

Well as you can see I'm a bit disappointed in the day. I'm ready to write this one off and crawl into bed.

VR

Thursday:

Tim was home sick today. It's been going around the family. I just got on with my usual day: writing, minimum of housework, playing computer games in my "breaks", taking the kids to Acrogym after school.

While the kids were in the gym I walked over to the shops to buy more apples - this family goes through a lot of fruit, if we all had two pieces a day that would be 56 pieces of fruit a week! I only have about one per day but Aiden makes up for that with three or more - my foot was ok on the way there but very painful on the way back. I am getting very sick of it.

I'm on to my third type of treatment for the plantar wart, Upton's Paste which is very strong. I put it on last night but don't know if it's doing anything yet. The wart is such a small white circle, doesn't look like it could hurt anybody, but I think it's mostly underneath like an iceberg. Walking is usually like having a pebble in my shoe (on a bruised foot) but sometimes intensifies to feeling like I'm stepping on a nail. If this stuff doesn't work my GP will send to the podiatrist to look at surgery.

I try not to whine about it though, as I hobble around I am frequently seeing people with wheelchairs or walking frames and I know this is a minor and temporary annoyance. It just seems so stupid that such a little thing is affecting my life so much.

We had a knock on the door late this afternoon, the virtual reality headset which Tim wasn't expecting for another month! It takes a bit of setting up, with monitors on the walls to track movement, which is still going on. I'll let you know what it's like when we've had a go.

Two chemists have told me they've stopped making test strips for my blood glucose meter, which I got ten years ago when I had gestational diabetes. I have ordered some online, but if I want to keep testing myself now and then I guess I'll eventually have to get a newer model. I'm so out of date. I bet newer ones do all sorts of amazing things.

Bare walls

Tuesday:

More packing today. I took the art off the walls and it looks very bare! Jasmine commented when she got home from school how strange it looks. And we went out and bought Tim a new suit for his new job. Charcoal grey. He's always worn a suit but we thought it was nice to have a brand new one. I felt very tired all day and had a nap in the afternoon.

Health issues are definitely creeping up on me. The last couple of years everything seems to be deteriorating with the sleep apnoea and the glucose intolerance and shoulder issues and knee issues. Pretty much everything is related to my weight, and therefore under my control (which is a good thing as it means I can change it). Except my current problem. I've had what I thought was a blister on one foot but it's been there for months. It didn't trouble me too much most of the time, sometimes painful. But now I have another one on the sole of my other foot and it hurts when I put weight on it - i.e. when I walk. At first I thought it was a splinter or maybe an insect bite, but it's been a few weeks now. So I think it's a plantar wart (euw). There isn't a lot you can do about it until your body fights off the virus, which typically takes several years! It isn't too bad when I have very padded supportive shoes on, like my sneakers, but barefoot or unpadded shoes mean it's quite painful to walk on. And we're nearly into summer! Oh, and they're contagious, so I don't want to be walking around barefoot anyway. Yuck. I'll get a doctor to look at it after we move, but according to the internet treatments are generally ineffective as the wart has deep roots and will just come back if you freeze it off. The rest of my family has all had warts in various places over the past ten years and they all took about three years to get rid of, with or without treatment. Mine are less visible (good) but more uncomfortable (bad). I need to walk around!