Library Thing

Monday:

This morning my weight was 71.7 kg, up more than a kg from last week, but I think this is a false high due to a salty meal at a restaurant on Saturday night. I was around 71.1 kg most of the week, so I'm back up to my plateau weight. I'm not feeling any real urgency about losing weight. I have a lot of nice clothes that look good and I feel quite healthy. But nevertheless I would be healthier another 10 kg or more lighter, so I'll be a bit more focussed.

I'm working on another job application. The last one (that I haven't heard back from yet, and actually I don't want the current job as it's too far away and full time but hopefully I will be on the Order of Merit for future part-time/closer positions with that employer) wasn't too stressful because I wasn't desperate to get it, although of course I did want to impress. But this current one could hardly be more my "perfect job" if I wrote the description myself. Close to home, part time, my favourite duties - cataloguing. I really really want it! I fulfil the "essential" requirements but not the "desired" - like 3 years experience! So my application needs to be enticing to even get an interview. Then I have to convince them in person that recent classroom training is as good as workplace experience. I did get 99.6% in the relevant subject!

I've also been playing with a website/app called Library Thing. It keeps a record of all the books you own (you can scan in the barcodes) and it downloads information like title/author, reviews from the web, and cover art; it's a social platform so you can interact with other people who have similar book collections. It can be as simple or librarian-level complex (like Dewey Decimal numbers) as you like. You can record your own tags, ratings, reviews, put books on your waiting list to read, record when you finished reading it, all sorts of things. You can even set up a mini library site to record people borrowing your books! I need that, we never get ours back from family. I've been scanning our collection in, I'm up to over 1000 books which is probably about two thirds of what we own. Some older books don't have barcodes or even ISBNs so they take longer to type in, and then of course adding ratings and reviews takes much longer when I get to that. Plenty to keep me busy.

I've been sorting and weeding/culling (and dusting) as I go so the bookshelves I have finished look lovely. We have quite a few rows doubled up - books in front of other books - so we've decided nine big bookcases (plus little ones in the kids' rooms) isn't enough. Most are in what other people would use as a dining room. I think we can squeeze two more in the lounge room.

My sister-in-law was here for dinner last night, we were wearing the same pants and I realised I owned an almost-identical jumper so I went and put it on - and my Ugg boots. Twins!

Value meal

Monday:

Tim was home today and we got lots of packing done. We've nearly finished the books (we have a LOT of books) and the board games (we also have a lot of board games!). I think we are up to box 79.

I did the grocery shopping and then picked up a rotisserie chicken and some chips for our lunch. The server drew my attention to the fact that if I chose a value meal I could get the exact same things plus a drink for less money. Now if she'd said it cost a bit more (but still a great saving!) I wouldn't have even considered it, but $1.50 less? They are paying me $1.50 to carry a drink out the door. So I did. The only choices were fizzy drinks, which I don't like and have maybe 3 or 4 times a year under particular circumstances. I asked for a Mountain Dew, which I haven't had for many years, and thought I'd have a few sips before I tossed it out.

And it was delicious. I was really surprised at myself. I actually had several mouthfuls before I made myself throw it away. It tasted very good. And I already have a little mouth ulcer, which I only get after big doses of sugar, so it is scary how much there was in those few mouthfuls. I just don't understand why I liked it though! Generally I've lost my tolerance for ultra-sweet things.

So I was fooled by the value-meal trap, where you think you are saving money but at what cost? Did I lose $1.50 worth of health today? Not worth it! Next time I'll just get exactly what we need. And stick to water with a squeeze of lemon.

What am I reading?

Thursday:

Aside from realestate.com, I've been reading "The Anchoress" by Robyn Cadwallader, about a woman cloistered in one tiny room in a church (like a nun, but even more extreme); "Raising Steam" by Terry Pratchett (comedy fantasy); "Mr Wilkinson's Simply Dressed Salads" by Matt Wilkinson (cookbook); "It Was Me All Along" by Andie Michell (a memoir about spending her first twenty years morbidly obese); and "No Sweat" by Michelle Segar (about how to motivate yourself to exercise, just started that one, I think it can be summarised as "do something you love" but maybe she has more to say than that). I like to read, and I like to have a choice depending on my mood. Also regularly reading "New Scientist", "Women's Health" and two recipe magazines.

I didn't do much else but read today. I did the grocery shopping and came home weirdly exhausted and with my neck really stiff and sore. Hurts when I turn my head. Still fighting off those damn germs!

Luckily Tim was home to entertain the kids. He didn't get home until well after midnight last night, he is so contentious he tries to clear all his work before taking even two days off. It hardly seems worth it taking a couple of days off if he has to work so late, but anyway it's nice to have him home. In the afternoon he took the kids to the interactive science museum Questacon. I should have taken a nap but looked at Sydney houses online instead.

I didn't take good care of my starches today, and didn't exercise.

Report card:
Diet: Ok, but too many starchy carbs.
Exercise: Poor.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Ok, I'm a bit sick of feeling sick and wondering if I should have exercised anyway. I could have walked around inside away from the biting cold.

Minions

Thursday:

We managed to get out of the house today. We started with a short walk around the edge of the local lake. I was told my new iPhone6 would take much better pictures than my 4S but so far I have struggled. Presumably my fault as a photographer. But sometimes it just won't respond to me pressing the button and I stand there jabbing at it while it takes forever to actually take a photo, which doesn't improve my aim, steadiness, or patience.

I don't think I've ever seen a white swan, even in a zoo. Funny to think that in parts of the world white swans are normal and black swans unusual!

I tried to take some photos of our new curtains this evening, but the light was bad and didn't show the colours truly (and also there was too much mess in the foreground!) so I'll have to try again in full daylight.

After our walk we went to the library for a while and borrowed lots of books. I found an old "Choose Your Own Adventure" for Aiden which he thinks is fun but frustrating finding the way through the maze of choices to the happy ending.

We had lunch at the shops -- crepes -- and then took a treat (Burger Rings for me) into the movies where we saw Minions. It was a fun movie, but I think the combination of high carb lunch then highly processed carb snack sent me into a bit of a carb coma. Even though I was enjoying the movie, I fell asleep. When I got home I tested my blood sugars, and even though it was three and a half hours after I'd started lunch (two hours is usually considered the peak) and the level was unacceptably high. I don't take this lightly, although I obviously wasn't thinking about it at the time. It is not a "treat" to make myself sick! Two of the books I borrowed from the library are about blood sugars and avoiding diabetes etc, I'll be using them to get my head back in the right space. I know what I need to do, but reading about it again helps keep me mindful. Until I get into some kind of habit, I need to remind myself again and again. Mostly natural foods! Not too many carbs at once! As soon as I got home I had some homemade chicken soup, I was craving protein!

Aside from this, it was a nice day out and I felt like we'd finally done some holiday things.

Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Good.
Water: Ok.
Sleep: Poor. I'm still not completely over my unwellness and it seems to get worse at night, including nausea and stomach pains. I haven't been using my CPAP consistently; either only for a few hours or not at all, because of the various symptoms.
Mental health: Good.

Keeping busy

Thursday:

It seems I cope with grief and loss by keeping myself very busy so I don't have to think too much. Almost as soon as I heard I went and started researching funeral homes and memorial options. Since then I've made what feels like a million phone calls to family and mum's friends, making sure everyone knows about her death and the funeral arrangements. and responding to sympathy calls and texts. I've had a preliminary phone interview with the funeral home and I'm going to Sydney to sit down with them (and my brother) on Saturday. Apparently it's a two hour meeting. Then chat to the celebrant after that, and the people making the "order of service" booklets. Who knew it was so complex?

I've been through just about every photo I own, both digital and printed, to find only a handful of photos of my mother for the service. I guess, like me, she didn't like having her photo taken. Nearly all the ones I have are with her holding one of my babies. I need to choose music for the service, and write a eulogy. And find clothes for them to dress her in (even though it will be a closed casket). And take charge of all her financial paperwork. And get the Will to the executor. And ask my uncle to host the gathering after the funeral.

There are people who would help me with this stuff (Jasmine helped me go through all the photos) but I am appreciating being busy at the moment.

Months ago we booked a holiday on the beach, fully pre-paid and non refundable. It is coming up fast, so I am also planning that. It feels very odd to go for a holiday at this time, but I am not going to deprive the kids of their fun. And I suppose I can sit around and feel sad just as well there as here. It will be nice to get away, gaze at the endless ocean. I'll have the time for quiet reflection that I'm not giving myself now.

I guess I started dietbet at a bad time. I certainly haven't been restraining my eating the last couple of days - but actually that has more to do with it being that time of the month when I crave fat and salt. Mum's death just means I let myself off the hook. And then this holiday coming up. I have thought about dropping out of this dietbet (you can, in the first 7 days, and get your money back). I'll give myself another couple of days to decide, but when I was looking through all those photos I saw how good I looked ten years ago (when I thought I was fat! Ha!) compared to how I look now and it made me not want to put that quest aside.

The other thing that is going on is that I am judging collections of short stories for an award and I was a bit lazy and then mum got sick, and now I have about four weeks to read 20 more books. Not huge "Lord of the Rings" type books, more like 200 pages each. I have let the award conveners know my problems but I am still committed to getting it done. So when I'm not on the phone about mum, I'm reading reading reading! I don't need to spend any time being sad when I am so busy.

Glucose test cancelled

Thursday:

My little boy called out in the night that he was feeling sick, and is still in bed sleeping next to a bucket. So I couldn't go to my glucose tolerance test.

I've decided not to reschedule. My doctor didn't think I needed one yet, I've been testing myself at home and I'm about the same, and I just can't take another high-carb day. I know a lot of people love carbs, my husband thinks a meal without them is woefully incomplete, but I am happier with a more moderate amount. I feel awful on a very low carb diet, but also yuck on high carbs. I've put on about 1.5 kg over the three days of carb loading. I need to lose weight, not gain it! So I'll wait another year to do the test.

We are not a healthy family at the moment, with Aiden vomiting and my husband Tim with bad sinus pain (and snoring all night) but he went to work anyway, and me with my persistent cough and now conjunctivitis. The ointment on my eye makes the world a blur. I managed to keep the CPAP on for three hours last night which is an improvement, but with my coughing and Tim's snoring and Aiden being sick I don't think I got any extra sleep.

I've been reading my library books. The one with tips by people who've been on Biggest Loser gave me one word to take away - "maturity". That has kind of stuck with me. To stop being a whiny baby about having to work to lose weight.

Another book I really enjoyed was The Clothesline Diet and it's sequel. It's more of a personal memoir than a diet book. This lady really captured the public imagination about 10 years ago - an overweight Australian housewife who was too embarrassed to exercise in public started by walking around and around her clothesline in her backyard. In the beginning she had to hold onto it for support. She also cleaned up her diet and eventually moved on to exercising where people could see her. One interesting thing about her diet is that it is all about low fat. Nowadays sugar and carbs are more usually seen as the enemy, although of course fat is limited too. Fads and fashions change.

Now I am reading the Beck Diet Solution, which is not a prescriptive diet but a cognitive therapy plan to help you stick to whichever diet you choose. Things like eating mindfully, reminding yourself regularly why you want to lose weight, getting rid of temptations. All practical stuff. There is a new thing to focus on each day for six weeks. I need to work on concentrating on what I am eating rather than reading while I snack, so that my brain as well as my body knows I've eaten. It also suggests choosing a diet plan but also a backup diet, so that if the first one isn't working you can go straight to the backup instead of (as I usually do) faffing around for weeks and months wondering what to do next.

I'm up to choosing an exercise plan, something I'll need to think about a bit. With only a week until our puppy comes home, I won't be joining the gym just now or anything that takes me away from the house for long periods. It might a short walk plus using Kinect games. Last time I got a puppy I was working full time and I felt so guilty being away all day leaving her alone. I used to spend my lunchtimes driving all the way home for a short visit. This isn't forever, but when Thor is so little I want to limit the time he is alone. For the first four weeks, until he is fully immunised, he won't be going to the park or anywhere there are other dogs, so it will be our house and backyard. Then he can start to take walks with me. So excited about getting our puppy!

Library excursion

Thursday:

I had a vaguely embarrassing moment in the library today. I had selected about six books on various aspects of dieting - prescriptive ones and inspirational ones and personal story ones - but my card didn't work at the self-service check out so I had to go up to the counter. It was another aspect of the uncomfortable feeling a lot of overweight people get when buying fast food, feeling judged by the server (who probably doesn't care). I felt like desperate fat person, with a stack of weight loss books when clearly whatever I was currently doing wasn't working. One or two would have been bad enough, but six? Trying to get healthy should be a lot less embarrassing than, say, buying enough fast food for three people, but I still had to steel myself. I guess it's like walking into the gym for the first time. We expect judgement whether we are trying to get healthy or in conspicuous consumption.

I'm not planning to try to follow the advice of all these books, but I enjoy reading that kind of thing and the good ones can help motivate me. One that I grabbed is about intermittent fasting, which I don't intent to try because I think it is counter-indicated for those with insulin resistance, but I like to know the current trends. I also got the Beck diet solution, which I think is more about working on bad habits (like eating in front of the TV) rather than an "eat this" book. And tips from people who have been on Biggest Loser (US version, unfortunately, not Aus).

I am really starting to feel the effect of sleep apnoea, after a week without my CPAP. Tried to use it last night but couldn't because I was coughing too much. I find it harder to cope with things, and definitely more snappy with the kids.

Brief review of some books about diabetes

I have read quite a few books but have returned some of them to the library already, this is not meant as a comprehensive review of the literature. Just some thoughts.

Prediabetes for Dummies (already returned so I don't have publishing details handy)
I hate hate hate the title of this book -- part of a big franchise of "for Dummies" books -- and would never have bought it just because of that. But it didn't seem to be geared to dummies at all. It had plenty of comprehensive information about prediabetes and in fact was one of the very few I could find that was about prediabetes rather than diabetes. Written by a medical professional and strongly pushing the "lose weight and exercise" message, it also went into detail about what is happening in the prediabetic body. Recommended.

Various CSIRO books about Diabetes (already returned)
CSIRO stands for ... um ... something or other, anyway they are Australian science boffins. I tried their diet last year or the year before (it was a best seller) and wrote about it here in the blog. The books with the word "diabetes" on the cover had some information about diabetes but mainly just pushed their diet. Lots of recipes and glossy pictures of happy healthy people. An attractive couple of books but didn't have any depth of information so not really what I was looking for.

The First Year: Type 2 Diabetes by Gretchen Becker
Marlowe & Company: 2004
This book is written by someone with diabetes rather than a doctor or scientist, and I loved it. A very easy to read, chatty and informal style from someone who has been through it all; but with lots of detailed information too. As well as the physical aspects, she talks about emotional aspects like depression and having to watch other people eat cake. There were some "facts" there that I hadn't seen elsewhere (therefore unsubstantiated and under suspicion but still interesting). It had its faults, in particular she talks about lots of different studies but doesn't reference them in the text, so you don't know which of the studies in the Resources chapter she is referring to. On the other hand, she seems to give a very balanced approach to different arguments, saying that no one size fits all and every situation is different. Recommended.

Slow Friday

Friday

Worked today. Finished one project. No exercise other than walking kids to and from school (I often take the car, so I suppose this was good). Ate fairly poorly. Freezing day with frost on the ground. Very tired. Glad it's the weekend, even though I will still have to work.

I plan to go to two gym classes on the weekend.

I found out a couple of days ago that I will be judging the Aurealis (Australian fiction) Awards again this year - fantasy novel category. Last year there were 53 entries in this section, so that means reading about 2 books a week from now on. Free books! But lots and lots of reading.