Monday, February 28, 2011


I am no longer going to say how many days and weeks I have been doing this - I am the same weight I was when I started 9 months ago so it is just depressing.

After all my regular walking, I have had a very bad week. I think I missed 5 days out of the past 7, though morning appointments, rain, and ill health. I still could have/should have walked during the day most of those day - but I didn't.

My shoulder is gradually getting better and I need to start physio again. I'll ring tomorrow for an appointment. I should have done it a couple of weeks ago. I am feeling slack and tired and uninspired this afternoon.

Probably because a friend of mine who has just qualified, after 4 years Uni, as a nutritionist. Is that the right term? Diatetics? Anyway, she knows what she is talking about when it comes to nutrition. And, at my request, this afternoon she started the process of getting me on a healthy diet. We went through what I eat. It was easy to see I eat way too much fat: lots of chocolate and cheese and meat. I know what I should be doing, but I just don't do it. Lately I have fallen further and further into bad habits. I give in to everything. I am about 25kg (more than 50 pounds) overweight and I really really need to do something about it. I feel fat and tired and unattractive. I don't want my husband to see my naked, or even touch me in case he feels all that fatness. I have a family wedding in a month, on my mother's side where every single person other than myself and my mother are thin and athletic. We are the fat smart ones. I don't see most of them except every second Christmas, and I feel so out of place amongst them. I always hope to be thinner but every time they see me I am fatter.

I do the weekly grocery shopping tomorrow. I need to make some plans tonight and shop for healthy food tomorrow. I need to plan for the danger times, like lunchtime when I never know what to have, or morning and afternoon tea when I reach for unhealthy snacks instead of fruit. Tomorrow I walk, and I track my food, and I eat healthily without depriving myself. And I have to do it every day for the rest of my life and that is a very depressing thought. I know I am in totally the wrong frame of mind. I feel like a failure before I even start. So I need to work on my mind-set too - just one more thing I need to fix about myself!


  1. It sounds like you are taking the steps to get on the right track. I hate staying the same weight even when i know it should be getting better. I just have to remember that how I feel is more important than what the damned scale says. Remember to be positive and smile :) I believe in you.

  2. Thanks Danielle! I know I can do it - I just have to stop letting life get in the way!