Sunday, August 30, 2015

Sorting and packing and cleaning


Sorting and packing and cleaning. It was great having Tim here helping, we've made a lot of progress. And the kids got to recover from their late night.

Saturday, August 29, 2015

Dance concert


The real estate agent got back to us this morning, the seller wants to go to auction which is only a week away now. Which is fine, at least we can be reasonably sure they're not going to sell to someone else in the meantime. So we've got two auctions to go to next Saturday; if we don't win our first choice luckily our second choice is auctioned later in the same day. I want to see that one again before I decide. And we'll also view any suitable new houses.

Most of the day was spent driving Jasmine back and forth for her two concerts today, and of course seeing the evening performance. When I dropped her off for the matinee I had to park a long way away because there was a lot of road works around the theatre blocking access to the main car park (we were warned there would be - I think weekend road work makes sense in most places but not in front of a theatre!!) so I spent some time walking around the area scouting out places to park later in the day. I found a "secret" spot that I think not many parents knew about so it was worth my trouble - we easily found a spot there for the evening performance. It was the most walking I've done in several weeks! And that walking was done during the pleasant daytime rather than late at night in the freezing it's-still-winter-here.

And in the evening we got to see the dance show. It was very good, the older groups were very slick and professional, the younger groups involved my daughter which made them entertaining, and there was one dance (ballet) when tiny little kids came out in the same white tutus as the big girls and danced with them. You should have heard the "awwww" when they came out! We didn't see any other dances with the tiny tots this year because they were only in the daytime show. When everyone came out for bows at the end I did a rough count and my best guess was about 250 students! And I think six of them were boys. No older boys at all.

Jasmine did really well, she was one of the better ones in her classes we (unbiasedly! lol) think. I was especially proud of how well she posed frozen before the music started, some of her classmates couldn't keep still. And she danced well.

There have been complaints this year (which I totally agree with) that the share of stage time was very unfair this year. The older girls studying dance fulltime had many very long routines (too long, if you weren't a parent, even though they were good) whereas for the first time the younger kids didn't even get a full routine. They would dance a bit then run off and another class would run on to continue it. One song might be shared between up to four classes! In the ballet they had a long routine but with every ballet class in the school - Jasmine was on stage for 22 bars of music! That sucked a bit. In past years at least each class had a whole routine. But I suppose the show went on a bit longer then. As it was, we were there until 10:30 which is very late for young children. Aiden drooped all through Act Two.

Complaints aside, it was a good night out and Jasmine loved it and seemed to have no qualms about how much dancing she actually did. And now she can get some much-needed rest.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Making an offer


I was ashamed of the contents of my shopping trolley today. Some days I look down into the trolley with pride: all fresh foods. Today it contained way too much junk. I know you shouldn't shop when you're hungry and I wasn't - but I was really really thirsty. Can that have an effect? Or was it stress/frustration because the bank loan officer emailed me but said he has to check something so we still can't make an offer. For whatever reason, I just kept tossing tasty unhealthy semi-food treats into the trolley. I started with getting a snack for my daughter to have backstage at her three performances starting from tonight, then I needed something for the rest of us to have while watching the concert, then I just build from there. A snack for the weekend! A snack for this afternoon!

Apart from shopping, my day was again packing and de-cluttering and cleaning each drawer as I empty it. By the afternoon I was tired and cranky.

Jasmine is very excited about her first performance tonight (this is her third year of being involved). It's quite a big deal, at Canberra Theatre, with elaborate (expensive!) costumes. She is in two dances. We aren't seeing tonight, we are going to the final performance tomorrow night. Two very late nights for my girl, and after rehearsals all week. I hope it all goes smoothly.

Just as we were walking out the door to take Jasmine to her dance concert, the bank guy rang and approved the house that we loved. I didn't have time right then, so as soon as Aiden and I got home, after 6pm, I called the real estate agent and made the offer for him to pass on to the owner. Very exciting! The real estate agent seems to be of the opinion that the owner will wait for the auction, which is only a week away, which is fine, but he will pass on the offer. At least we've expressed our intentions and know that they are not going to sell it to someone else without knowing we want it. And you never know, a lot of houses do sell before the auction date.

We saw seven or eight houses last weekend and at every one they took my contact details, so all this week the agents have been calling me to ask if I'm interested in that house, why or why not, maybe some other house they have on their books? I don't mind. Today one sent me details of a nice house that has just come on the market - nice by the internet pictures anyway. Good to have more to look at in case we don't get this one. I am not pinning all my hopes on getting one particular house. We did love this particular one though.

I finished my last antibiotic tablet tonight and I am feeling mostly better. Shopping did not exhaust me today. I no longer hobble along like I've been punched in the ovaries. I don't wake in pain during the night. So hopefully whatever-that-was is pretty much over. I should probably start some gentle exercise again!

Thursday, August 27, 2015



We had the gardeners here for a couple of hours yesterday and all day today. Usually they just mow the lawn and prune the shrubs, but this time they were getting the gardens ready for selling the house. New plants, lots of mulch and new gravel. It looks wonderful. Tim had thought their quote was a bit high, but about twelve hours work with two men plus plants and mulch and it suddenly seems reasonable. I think it really adds value to the house. I'll take a photo in the light tomorrow - but I should have taken a "before" shot too! It wasn't terrible before, but it looks great all spruced up.

Still haven't heard from the bank and I have no idea what is taking so long. The loans guy acknowledged my request but I'm wondering if he's been out of the office for a few days. Or busy. Or sick. He has pre-approved the amount we can borrow but needs to approve each house we are interested in, I guess so that we are not borrowing more than it is worth. 'Cause then if we went bankrupt and had to sell the house, the bank wouldn't get their money back. I think that is what it's about.

Tim at last has everything in writing from his employer so I need have no lingering fears that the move is going to fall through.

Wednesday, August 26, 2015



Healing has kicked into high gear. I woke once during the night to go to the bathroom, got right back to sleep, and in the morning woke to find myself sleeping on my right side (which has lately been the wrong side) with no pain! Yay! Only a little discomfort when I started moving around this morning. So awesome to be feeling well again.

On the downside it was a pretty frustrating day, waiting to hear from the bank. We really want to put in an offer on this particular property. I'm worried someone else will get it first! And even if they don't, we aren't keen on having to bid at auction, which we've never done. I felt a bit anxious and out of sorts all day and kept checking my email. Ironically, the less I am preoccupied with how horrible I feel, the more stressed I feel about the move! I guess I was too distracted before.

More cleaning and packing and sorting. The house is looking a lot less cluttered.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

No title


So, after a couple of days of feeling worse (and sorry for myself) I had a much better night last night, not waking until 5:15 and even then not enough discomfort to take painkillers. I had trouble getting back to sleep, but that was just because of thinking about exciting/stressful move stuff. Like that this house we want to buy has hardly any cupboard space. Here we have lots. We have a whole enormous built-in just for board games. It's a minor issue and I'm not worried, but these are the sort of thoughts I have lying awake.

After I got up I continued to feel better, lately I've needed a couple of hours before I can get my day started, and even then stop after filling half a box. But today I was relatively full of beans and dove into packing. I got five boxes packed before the kids got home from school as well as going through a stack of paperwork and some other stuff. Still trying to clear clutter as I go! I was pretty exhausted by the end of the day but it was so much better than the past few days. Hopefully I'm on the mend now.

Jasmine's big dance concert is this weekend and she has rehearsals every night and then three performances over the weekend. She has a sore throat and I'm a bit worried about overwork. She's generally very healthy so she should be ok, but I won't hesitate to keep her home from school or rehearsal if I think she needs a break. The concert is a pretty big deal, a very professional production. She got her first real tutu for the ballet, all in white with a stiff skirt that means she can hardly get through doorways. Very cute! She's not on pointe shoes yet. Her other dance is jazz.

Monday, August 24, 2015

Waiting for the bank


We're now waiting to hear back from our loans officer about whether we can make an offer on our favourite house. Apparently it is a big deal if the house has "unapproved structures" and they wouldn't lend us the money if so, so they like to check every potential house before we make an offer or bid at auction. The loans officer told me horror stories about people bidding at auction then the bank refusing to lend the money which left the buyers with real problems. I hope there is no problem with this house. There was a tiny structure housing the BBQ/grill by the pool, and the pool itself wasn't fenced. If we get the house, fencing the pool would be our first priority, with our own children and toddlers in the family.

Today I bought a repeat for my antibiotics, another five days. I don't feel like the first series did me any good at all - if anything I've got a bit worse - but my doctor told me to take two series so that is what I will do. I had quite a bad night; the discomfort is enough to keep me awake often even after taking Panadol. I can't change position at all, I've had to lie on my left side all night for the past three weeks. Any other position and the pain rapidly triples or worse and I have to carefully move back. If you've ever had something that stops you thrashing around in bed or changing positions you'll know how annoying it is to not be able to move.

I haven't exercised at all over these three weeks, just when I was getting into a nice walking routine before that. Even doing the shopping brings on the ache. Today I had to sit down and rest for five minutes in the middle of shopping. That's as much walking around as I can do. And I should be in a whirlwind of packing instead of only a little each day, while trying to keep up with other household tasks. It is really frustrating me.

I'm also not eating particularly well. Just getting myself through the day. I haven't weighed myself for a while. My pants still fit, so that is a good sign. I just have to hope that this second course of antibiotics helps, otherwise it's colonoscopy time!

Sunday, August 23, 2015

Looking at houses


That was an exciting and exhausting weekend. Firstly, we have a date for Tim starting at his new job: 9 November. So that is more like three months (now 11 weeks) instead of two, giving us a little more time.

We made the long drive to Sydney early Saturday morning and spent the day dashing from house to house. Each one was "open" for 30 minutes and some were 15 minutes drive apart, making it difficult when some were open at the same time! I had cut my list down to eight, and we made it to seven. There were a few surprises, the one I liked the most online didn't end up even in our top three, and one I decided wasn't a priority but we managed to fit in became our second favourite and is still a possibility for us. You just can't tell from photos or glowing descriptions. You have to go and see in person.

We came away with a definite favourite. We walked in and all loved it. Perfect floor plan, beautifully maintained, near Tim's side of the family, and a salt-water pool! It was just ideal. The only thing we didn't like was that it was at our utmost limit of distance from the nearest train station, meaning extra commute time for Tim as he'll have to drive to the station before taking the train to work in the city. I was kind of hoping we wouldn't love this house, because of that, but we did. It is up for auction in two weeks, but I think we are going to put in an offer before then (dependant on the bank's approval, we already have a copy of building and pest inspection reports).

I had expected to have to spend more than one weekend looking, and we still may have to if we don't get this one (or maybe our second choice, which had a couple of flaws and was also more expensive). And if we don't find a house in time we'll have to rent for a while. We're not going to settle for an "ok" house, we plan to live there for the next twenty years or so. It may not be the perfect mansion, but we can find a great house for us at our stage of life. And it's awesome we've found one we love already.

After the long exhausting day (and my abdominal pain was troubling me by the end, I don't know if the antibiotics are helping at all) we went to Tim's brother's house for a family get-together which was lovely. I am going to enjoy living nearer to them. Then we drove home this morning with plans to get some packing done but mostly collapsed. Nevertheless, an enjoyable and productive weekend.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Fuzzy head


Nothing much to report, except whining about ill-health all the time. Yesterday I was rather worse. The day didn't start auspiciously, I went back to bed after being up for half an hour. Then I was trying to take a Panadol tablet while still lying in bed and dropped half a cup of water, soaking one pyjama sleeve and a corner of the pillow and mattress. Too much effort to get up, Tim got me a towel and I just stayed in bed. I also did things like putting dinner in the oven without turning the oven on. Fuzzy head.

Thinking better today, still same physical discomfort. Packing work has ground to a standstill, haven't had the energy for more than online house-hunting. It's stressing me a bit that I'm not doing more. But I'll just keep doing a little at a time until I feel well enough to do more.

Clearly I'm not exercising at the moment. Trying to keep my fluid levels up.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015



Well I finally got to see my doctor today. The blood test showed infection, so I'm now on antibiotics. My doctor suggested it could be diverticulitis (infection in large intestine) because that is where the pain is, but I don't have any of the other symptoms for that so I don't know. But wherever the infection is, hopefully the antibiotics get it.

I was very tired and achy today. Only packed one box. Went to a friend's house in the afternoon and we looked houses online together. She's the main person I'll miss when we move.

Monday, August 17, 2015

More of the same


Really tired all day after another night of abdominal/pelvic discomfort waking me. Hoping to get some answers from my doctor tomorrow, but I know if there were any major red flags on my blood test results they would have called me already (or so they say). I failed at getting an earlier appointment, I didn't call early enough on Wed/Thurs and then on Fri and today I got a recorded message saying the phone was disconnected??! I wonder if the clinic knows about that! Or if they are wondering why no one is calling. The number listed on the website hasn't changed.

I did the grocery shopping and packed four more boxes. Feel like we're making progress. Also found a newly listed suitable house online, in the same suburb as my brother-in-law. Don't know the price as it is for auction. But it seems people make offers and buy before auction, so we certainly won't wait for auction day if we like it when we see it in person. My only concern with the location is that it is about 15-20 minutes to the nearest train station from there, which would add a lot to Tim's commute time whether he rides his bike or drives to the station (or I drive him), and then nearly an hour train ride to the city on top of that. I'd rather be a couple of suburbs over, closer to the train line.

I also have a niggling fear of being too close to family (although I love them) because I work from home and I don't want to become the default babysitter! If we're just around the corner, it might become a little too easy. Not that I'd mind babysitting my 2-year-old niece on occasion, but not every day! My ideal level of interaction is family dinner every Sunday evening (taking turns hosting) and lunch with my sister-in-law near her work once a week.

My own identical twin sister died at four months of age and I grew up with no sister, I am so glad I have a lovely sister-in-law and it will be great living nearer to her. I get along really well with all of my husband's family. And I have a favourite cousin on my mother's side who I want to spend some more time with, I only get to see her a couple of times a year these days. Being closer to family is really the reason we're moving back to Sydney. I wish it had been in time to spend more time with mum. I keep wanting to tell her things about the move, then remembering I can't.

Sunday, August 16, 2015



I didn't wear my Fitbit for about a week because it was rubbing a red patch on my inner wrist. I waited until it was completely healed before I put it back on, but only a couple of days later I again have a red shiny spot. Doesn't hurt, but still. It's nearly 24 hours since I took it off and the mark is still there. No activity monitoring for me for a while!

I lacked energy a bit today, still struggling with waking in discomfort during the night, but continued the packing as well as resting. Starting to make order out of chaos. Oh, and we did our tax returns! They've had online lodgement for a few years but it used to be very complicated. A new system just came in and it's beautiful and easy. Of course I had no self-employment income this financial year, which makes it a lot simpler!

Saturday, August 15, 2015

More packing


Yesterday and today were spent packing. Quite tiring! Packing up anything that makes the house look cluttered, that we think we can live without for a couple of months, or longer. If we can't find a suitable place to buy straight away, we'll have to rent for a while, and these are the things we wouldn't  bother to unpack. Which of course makes one wonder, do we really need all this stuff?

Jasmine's big annual dance concert is in a fortnight and she was at rehearsal all day. It makes it hard to get to Sydney to look at houses in person, but we decided there was nothing worth her missing rehearsal for this weekend. Hopefully more houses will be put on the market this week and we can go and look next weekend.

Thursday, August 13, 2015



Much better sleep last night, I didn't wake in discomfort until dawn. And after the first uncomfortable hour or two that seems to be my mornings at the moment, the pain subsided completely. I'm obviously almost over whatever it was - but I'd still like to know what it was wrong with me! Nearly two weeks of pain, quite significant at times.

The painters came back very early (I was up and dressed, due to said discomfort, everyone else was still in bed), moved around the things we'd put in the studio and re-stained the wooden wall that had been discoloured by plaster dust getting into the grooves. All done in an hour. Maybe, just maybe, the room is finished now?? We'll see.

Feeling a little bit of paralysis today, soooo much to do but what to do first? And some things I can't do until closer to the time. I guess what I'm working on is getting the house looking pretty and ready to put on the market, which means hiding a lot of our clutter. So I packed a couple of boxes of books from places where they were double-thick on the bookcases, and a few other things. I got into the groove after a while and tired myself out. It's only a drop in the ocean, so far. But a bit each day and we'll get there. I know Tim will do a lot on the weekends, and Jasmine packed some of her non-essential toys after school.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Two months!


Moving in two months!

Another bad night, with pain keeping me awake from about 4am. It's definitely not as bad as it was, say, last Thursday night (the worst night by far), but it is still very disruptive. Painkillers help me doze eventually but no really good sleep. I was unable to get an appointment with my doctor today (I have one booked for next Tuesday but they hold a few spaces open each day for whoever calls the millisecond they open the phones), I'll try again tomorrow.

The cleaner came this morning so I bustled around getting things off the floor. I don't pre-clean for the cleaner but it's hard for him to do his job when there's Lego blocks everywhere. It wasn't quite so bad today because we have moved some things back out to the rumpus room, it's less cluttered in here.

I spent the rest of the morning looking at houses online. There wasn't anything I really liked in the area where we can afford a nice house. A couple of suburbs along towards the coast and nice houses are suddenly $1.3 million! We are looking in an area near my brother-in-law, but closer to train lines than he is.

Then Tim called to say he'd been discussing the move at work and they have settled on a start date only two months away! Which I am all for, I wanted sooner rather than later. Exciting and a bit scary. I'm really glad we've already had all this work done to the house recently, it's that much less to do. I went out and got a few boxes to start packing up non-essentials. I started with clothes that are too small for me! I filled a bag to give to the Salvos, but also a packing box of items I love and hope to wear again one day.

Just before I went out, it started snowing! It's only the third time I've ever seen snow here, and all three times there have been obvious flakes but they melt before they hit the ground. Still exciting. I certainly noticed how cold it was when I went out straight afterwards, and again in the evening taking Jasmine to her dance lesson.

I am so much better emotionally today. Ready to tackle the challenge of moving.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Ultrasound and Sydney


OMG what a stressful day. In summary, the ultrasound showed nothing, and we're going to Sydney!

I woke this morning feeling depressed. Scared maybe, about what the ultrasound could show? Tired, even though last night wasn't too bad, and struggling to cope. Knowing there was no use trying to lose weight, I've been trying for twenty years with no success whatsoever. Why bother? Yes I know I have sleep apnoea and almost-diabetes, but it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried and tried and tried. And failed and failed and failed. If I can't be thin and happy maybe I should try to be fat and happy instead of fat and miserable.

But of course fat and happy is not so easy. Maybe some people can be healthy at any size, but I am tired and sick a lot of the time and I think obesity is the cause of most/all of that. I can't be happy while I'm sick and exhausted. So I am fat and unhappy, the worst of both sides. Depressed and defeated.

That was how I started the day.

My ultrasound was at 1:20 and I chose not to eat lunch beforehand. I had been comfort snacking all morning anyway. I filled up with water two hours before as required (you need a full bladder for a pelvic ultrasound, which is particularly unpleasant when you're pregnant but never comfortable), then drove to the appointment. Just as I got there I realised I didn't have my doctor referral with me. I started leaking tears. I parked and ran in to tell them but there was a long queue so I ran back out to the car to drive home and get it. Tears turned into uncontrolled sobbing. My bladder was full enough to hurt, I was going to be late for my appointment, I couldn't cope with life, I got every single red light on the way home. I cried all the way. I was just feeling completely overwhelmed. At home, I had to urinate. No way I could keep holding on. I sculled another glass of water, got the referral and drove back, about 25 minutes late. At least I managed to stop crying.

They had already taken in the person scheduled after me. So I had to wait. And wait. My bladder was bursting again, I hadn't had lunch, and I was starting to worry I wouldn't get home before the children finished school. I told the receptionist I had to urinate and she advised me to count to four then stand up which would stop the flow, so that my bladder wouldn't completely empty. By the time my radiologist (?is that the title?) got me from the waiting room, I was uncomfortably full again. And had to endure having my bladder and stomach pressed in various directions. With an ultrasound looking from the outside in, then the inside further in (what fun). Then wait while she went and got her supervisor because she couldn't find one of my ovaries. He couldn't find it either. (The same thing happened two years ago, but it was the opposite ovary they couldn't find. I do have two. I asked if it was my fat getting in the way, but no, they are just very small organs. Volume of one cubic centimetre.) I haven't got the official report yet, but they said they couldn't find anything that would cause my pelvic pain. Which is good news, I think. Maybe the blood test will show something, but the pain has greatly reduced over the past couple of days so hopefully it was a temporary ailment. And finally I got to empty my bladder!

I really wanted to pick up some take-away food for lunch but had to rush home and just made it before the kids, I passed them a couple of doors down. Because of a mis-communication with my friend, who knew I wasn't well, and her husband, who didn't know, two little friends of my children came home with them. I didn't mind really because the children play very well, have no need of supervision at their age, and all I had to do was put out some food and leave them to it. But I really needed a proper lunch, yet didn't want to either eat a meal in front of them all without offering, nor cook something for five people instead of one. I ended up just snacking. Not the best plan, I likely wasn't thinking at my best. I was exhausted and hungry and stressed, a bad combination.

I gratefully snuggled down in my armchair with my book and a lap-rug and then my husband rang. After checking how I was, he announced that the move to Sydney was happening. He doesn't actually have it in writing yet, nor a start date, but apparently all parties have approved. So we're moving! I have said I want it to be any time before Christmas, so I guess 3-4 months. I admit I'm more tired and overwhelmed right now than excited, but it's definitely a good thing. It's what I wanted. Time to start looking at houses again!

What a day.

Oh, one more thing. You remember my rumpus room, that was all finished and we put our stuff back out there on the weekend? (No, the roof hasn't started leaking again.) Well a guy from the parent company that hired all the contractors for our insurance-covered work called this morning and wanted to check out the quality of the job that had been done, and I said he was welcome to. He came and approved the nice new ceiling, and the paint job on the two white walls, but frowned at a little bit of white paint and/or plaster dust that had got on one of the two wooden walls. So now he's sending someone out to re-stain those two walls! They are coming Thursday. Not finished after all. I'll have to get Tim to move some boxes away from the walls a bit. I don't know if they are genuinely concerned about doing the perfect job, or if they are milking the insurance company for everything they can. I should probably tell them that the door sticks a bit! The saga continues.

I just checked and my ultrasound results are already up on the website (so awesome they have that feature! obviously I have a password to log in, it's secure, and I don't have to wait to see my doctor to start looking up the tricky words.) "No evidence of any pelvic mass." Those are the important words. Both this ultrasound and the one two years ago mention probable adenomyosis, which means some of my uterine lining is growing into the muscle wall. It can cause pain during heavy periods but doesn't seem to fit with current symptoms.

Monday, August 10, 2015

Tin Man


I am still gradually getting better from whatever is wrong with my insides. Restless night with pain in the latter stages. Tired all day. But each day and night better than the one before. Ultrasound tomorrow.

I did the shopping in the morning, lots of fresh healthy food, and ate filling well-balanced meals and snacks. Lean meat, vegetables, fruit, home-made yoghurt. No sugar in my tea. About 1500 calories which was a bit higher than I think I need (I'm only 154cm tall and sedentary) but ok. I wasn't hungry or deprived - but I thought about food every second of the day. What I could eat, what I couldn't, what I was eating next and when. I wonder if now is a good time to try to make changes - but then when is a good time? The perfect time never comes. Right now is the time I have to improve my health.

I had planned a treat of one square of dark chocolate in the evening. After dinner I felt weirdly sad and defeated, even though I'd stuck to my eating plan all day. The only explanation I have is that I am struggling with more than a week of severely interrupted sleep. It all seemed too hard, and instead of having my dark chocolate I had a mini-binge on some less-defensible confectionary. It really wasn't that much, and I'm going to move on from it. It just seems like a big fail considering this is day one.

I put my fitbit back on when I went to bed last night, so I know I did 4,500 steps today, mostly when shopping. I remember writing less than a fortnight ago about enjoying walking primarily because I could feel my body moving in harmony with itself - well today I felt like the Tin Man when he needs his oil can. Creaky and hunched over.

Well, that was a cheery post, wasn't it! I'll keep reminding myself that overall I ate really well today. And I can hope for a better night.

Saturday, August 8, 2015

Continuing improvements


Another improved night, another quiet day. I am nearly feeling like myself again. Nothing else to report, except that I am putting my fitbit back on tonight and tracking my food from tomorrow. Time to get back into the game.

Speaking of games, my six-month dietbet just finished. I was disqualified a month ago for not keeping up with weight loss (they don't want people to diet dangerously to drop a lot of weight in the final month), so obviously I didn't win this one. I think I won the first month? Then put it back on and more. I looked at the activity board occasionally, not many people left posting in the final month. I don't plan to do another dietbet. Definitely not another six month one - it is too discouraging if you get behind. And I think I need to find my motivation from within.

Even yesterday I couldn't face the thought of "dieting" - ie eating healthily and cutting down on junk. But today I can. I know I tend to trip on every single hurdle; whether it's ill-health (mainly caused by or contributed to by my obesity) or some other emotional or stressful issue. I am an emotional eater and medicate myself with food. I need to work more on making it a habit, and also keeping temptation a bit further away.

[Edit: that is hilarious. I had literally just posted that when my husband walked in after picking the kids up from a birthday party - and he was loaded down with leftovers that the hostess had given him! I ate my little slice of cake (which I had hinted I would love him to bring), the rest will be going to the next D&D session.]



Didn't do much today. Rested. Being the weekend, Tim was able to do all the cooking and child-wrangling. I helped a tiny bit putting some things out in the rumpus room then had to lie down - I got exhausted very quickly. Last night was a bit better than the night before and I was able to sleep for up to three hours at a time before needing more painkillers. (Painkillers can actually help reduce pain - who knew?) And today I felt quite a lot better than previous days. I'm really hoping that whatever the problem is, is improving. If it was an infection, maybe I am starting to fight it off. I'm trying not to self-diagnose. The internet gives so many options of things that can go wrong with the human body!

Hopefully tonight will be even more peaceful.

Friday, August 7, 2015



Horrible night with very little sleep. Lots of pain. Sometimes when the pain is not too bad, like a lot of the daytime this week, it's been hard to pinpoint where exactly in the abdomen it's coming from. But when you're lying awake with two spheres of pain throbbing in your pelvis, it's pretty easy. Today the pain hasn't reduced as much as it has other days after bad nights, and for the first time the pain isn't symmetrical, being rather worse on the left. Feeling a bit worried. Hopefully the tests show something, but it seems so long before I get any results. Two/three days, plus weekend, and then almost straight away for ultrasound report. Call it Wednesday** for all of them. That is a lot of sleepless nights away.

**I couldn't get a follow-up appointment with my doctor until Tuesday week! I booked it in, but I'll keep trying to get one earlier - they have a few available if you call first thing on the day. No way I am waiting that a week and a half if I'm still in pain, I'll see anyone.

When I saw the doctor she asked if I was taking any painkillers and I said no, I think by her follow-up comment she took to mean not bad enough for painkillers. I should have objected. The thing is, medication just isn't my first or second or even fifth choice of treatment for pain. My order probably goes:
1. Sit quietly (TV/book) and hope it gets better
2. Eat something, even if nauseated, unless actually throwing up
3. Drink something, especially tea if I am tired or headachy
4. Nap/sleep it off
5. Search internet to self-diagnose
6. See doctor
7. Painkiller medication, after doctor has mentioned it

Tim is the same. We just rarely even think of taking painkillers. 3am when I decided I needed them it took Tim ages to find some that weren't past their use-by date. They helped a little, pain down to a dull roar and an hour's sleep before waking again. I got up as soon as there was a hint of light. Changing position helps, although it hurts while actually moving. I don't know if it's the lying down that makes it so bad or the fact I am motionless for so long.

Sorry to go on about my health so much but it is rather in my mind at the moment.

I took more painkillers in the afternoon and managed to get comfortable enough to nap a little, not feeling so horrible this evening.

In happier news, I do believe the rumpus room is finished!

This was the "before" with the sagging ceiling, the leak damage, and the rather surprising carpet tiles.

It's great to finally get that finished!

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Getting worse


I made a doctor appointment on Tuesday about my lower abdominal/pelvic pain but then cancelled because I started to feel better during the day. But I keep having to discard theories about what is wrong, and after yet another bad night last night I called the doctor to reschedule an appointment. Time to get an expert opinion. I searched the internet and couldn't find anything that fitted my symptoms; pain in that particular spot, worse at night, no hernia protrusion, not affecting bladder or bowel function etc. While days are better than nights, it is still very difficult to do anything that involves bending or twisting, like putting on my shoes or picking something up from the floor. Struggling to cope this morning.

I went to the doctor and she wasn't able to give a diagnosis, but she examined me and sent me for blood and urine tests and also for a pelvic ultrasound next week. I'm hoping it will be resolved before I have to do that. It may seem like a trivial discomfort, but anyone whose had to drink a lot of water then not urinate for two hours, and have someone poke around your very full bladder will know just how unpleasant that experience is! One time when I was pregnant I ended up sitting on the toilet crying after the test because I was in so much pain but I couldn't make my body let go and pee. At least this time I don't have a baby sitting on my bladder.

Tim is better today and wonders if he was experiencing a migraine yesterday. He hasn't been diagnosed, but sometimes gets headaches with blurred vision. Worrying.

The painters returned early this morning and did the final coat of paint on the ceiling, now I just need the electrician to replace the lights.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

I knew it! Didn't I tell you?


The painters were here for four hours today, but it is cold and rainy and they couldn't get the second coat of paint to dry so they have to come back tomorrow morning to do the third coat. I think it looks great as it is, but presumably they know best. The ceiling lights also need to be re-installed by the electrician, so who knows when it will be done? Not I! I told you I wouldn't dare get my hopes up that it would be finished today!

Tim is home sick today with nausea and dizziness and he can't focus his eyes very well. Not fun. I assume he has the same bug as me but with emphasis on different symptoms, I had some of those Sunday night/Monday. My abdomen continues to be worst at night, it hurts quite a lot whenever I try to turn over. But during the day it isn't so bad most of the time, and it is gradually getting better. The only good thing about Tim being sick is that it reassures me that I just have a virus and not something weird/serious.

Tim doesn't get man-flu, he is generally very stoic about illness unless it's really bad, I'm the one who mopes around and wants sympathy (if you don't know, man-flu is when men get a minor illness and make a big fuss whereas women apparently soldier on and still manage to juggle work, family, cooking, saving the world etc) but he made an interesting comment about the possible origins of man-flu. In a hunter/gatherer society, the hunters (men) needed to be in good health and fully alert to tackle dangerous situations and aggressive animals. If they weren't 100% well, it was much safer for them to stay home in the cave, hence the tendency to make a big deal out of a minor illness. The gatherers (women) were generally doing less dangerous jobs so it didn't matter if they weren't able to make split-second decisions or have their full strength. They could still make their contributions even when sick without endangering their life. It's an interesting theory.

Report card:
Diet: Poor. I want to eat and eat.
Exercise: Poor, none.
Water: Ok.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: Poor. Low spirits today.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

It's who you know


I was just thinking today about how influenced we are by the people around us. My father-in-law, for example, has put on a lot of weight since he got together with his current partner, who is very obese. I don't usually notice or care about other people's eating habits, but I couldn't help noticing that she seemed to eat twice as much as I would consider average, pretty much constantly or whenever food was available. I guess my father-in-law has started to take on her habits, because he has certainly gained a dangerous amount of weight. What we see around us every day seems to us to be normal.

I either eat alone - so I guess I make my own "normal" - or else try to keep up with my husband who exercises vigorously every day and is a man and therefore needs a lot more calories than I do.

I need to surround myself with people who eat small amounts, mindfully! I guess that's why I spend time in the dieting blogosphere.

Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Ok, I moved around a lot more than the past few days. Still some lingering abdominal pain so took it easy, but not "sitting watching TV all day" easy.
Water: Ok.
Sleep: Poor.
Mental health: Good, enjoying not feeling sick.

PS Brandon if you read this I'm worried you haven't posted for a couple of weeks. Check in so we know you're ok!

Monday, August 3, 2015

Fridge, roof and fitbit


I guess it wasn't dream stomach crunches after all. Last night and today included nausea, dizziness and fatigue. However I feel a lot better this evening, on the mend now I'm sure.

Our fridge was delivered this morning. We have a fairly small space allocated in the kitchen for a fridge, when we moved here we bought the biggest we could find that fit the space. This time Tim managed to find one that was the same width but a bit taller. I have a working fridge with all its shelves! Amazing.

Since I was feeling unwell all day, I didn't get out to the shops so the new fridge is still pretty empty. I had instant noodles for lunch then ordered home-delivered Chinese for dinner. That is about three billion mgs of sodium! I'd better not weigh myself tomorrow. And I should be able to get out to the shops and stock up on real food tomorrow, at the moment the lovely big vegetable drawer has half a lettuce and two lonely mushrooms.

I stopped wearing my fitbit a few days ago because it was starting to make a mark on my wrist. I still have a discoloured dent there, days later, and a bit of skin rubbed off. I was wearing it 24/7 except in the shower, I guess that is too much for my girly Princess skin. I tried putting it on my other wrist but that just felt wrong! I'll give my left arm a longer break then try it again.

While I was sitting slumped in front of the TV I saw a vaguely familiar tradesman wandering up and down our driveway (the room they've been working on is separate from the house and I've been leaving it unlocked because it is empty). He knocked on the door eventually and told me he'd finished sanding down the new plaster ceiling. And a while later the painters called and told me they're coming on Wednesday. Are we really on the home stretch? Now don't get your hopes up, Natalie, you've been fooled before! But the great thing is it rained a lot on the weekend and the repaired roof didn't leak! Or if it did, not enough to seep through the ceiling (yet). I'm glad the interior work was covered by insurance, otherwise these weeks and weeks of on again off again work would no doubt cost a fortune.

Report card:
Diet: Poor.
Exercise: Poor (sick).
Water: Poor.
Sleep: Absolutely terrible.
Mental health: Good this evening.

It was an uninspired past three days but I am feeling much more perky now.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Dream stomach crunches


I am weirdly sore today low down in my abdomen, in my hip flexors maybe. Aching muscles, I think. I thought at first that it was from hill climbing yesterday, but I don't see how I did anything that would make it hurt just there. Then I remembered that last night I dreamed I was doing lots of sit-ups/stomach crunches. It was easy, in my dream, though I can't do them at all in real life. I don't think I did the actual sit-ups in my sleep, but I think I did probably clench my stomach and back muscles while I was dreaming! And now I'm paying for it. Not that I mind, hopefully I got a lot of benefit from those dream crunches. But I'm taking the day off exercise.

Tim hurt a calf muscle jogging yesterday, so we are both limping around a bit. But he still took the kids for a bike ride in the afternoon.

A game I ordered on Kickstarter a while ago, called Exploding Kittens, arrived today and it's fun. The goal of the game is to NOT draw an exploding kitten card, which kills you. It is cute. I believe it was the most funded Kickstarter of all time. It's by a cartoonist call The Oatmeal.


The abdominal discomfort kept me awake a bit last night, and for a while I was worried it wasn't muscular. But it's got better throughout the day so I'm still guessing it was stomach crunches in my sleep!

We finally gave up on our broken fridge and ordered a new one and it's being delivered tomorrow morning 7:15! We are not usually out of bed yet at that time. But we've emptied the old one (keeping only what we could fit in the Esky) and we're ready. I might have had to eat up some ice cream.

Report card:
Diet: Hmm, not so great.
Exercise: None. I could hardly walk some parts of the weekend! All hunched over.
Water: Poor.
Sleep: A bit better.
Mental health: Good. Nice relaxing weekend. Apart from the pain.