Ultrasound and Sydney

Tuesday:

OMG what a stressful day. In summary, the ultrasound showed nothing, and we're going to Sydney!

I woke this morning feeling depressed. Scared maybe, about what the ultrasound could show? Tired, even though last night wasn't too bad, and struggling to cope. Knowing there was no use trying to lose weight, I've been trying for twenty years with no success whatsoever. Why bother? Yes I know I have sleep apnoea and almost-diabetes, but it's not like I haven't tried. I've tried and tried and tried. And failed and failed and failed. If I can't be thin and happy maybe I should try to be fat and happy instead of fat and miserable.

But of course fat and happy is not so easy. Maybe some people can be healthy at any size, but I am tired and sick a lot of the time and I think obesity is the cause of most/all of that. I can't be happy while I'm sick and exhausted. So I am fat and unhappy, the worst of both sides. Depressed and defeated.

That was how I started the day.

My ultrasound was at 1:20 and I chose not to eat lunch beforehand. I had been comfort snacking all morning anyway. I filled up with water two hours before as required (you need a full bladder for a pelvic ultrasound, which is particularly unpleasant when you're pregnant but never comfortable), then drove to the appointment. Just as I got there I realised I didn't have my doctor referral with me. I started leaking tears. I parked and ran in to tell them but there was a long queue so I ran back out to the car to drive home and get it. Tears turned into uncontrolled sobbing. My bladder was full enough to hurt, I was going to be late for my appointment, I couldn't cope with life, I got every single red light on the way home. I cried all the way. I was just feeling completely overwhelmed. At home, I had to urinate. No way I could keep holding on. I sculled another glass of water, got the referral and drove back, about 25 minutes late. At least I managed to stop crying.

They had already taken in the person scheduled after me. So I had to wait. And wait. My bladder was bursting again, I hadn't had lunch, and I was starting to worry I wouldn't get home before the children finished school. I told the receptionist I had to urinate and she advised me to count to four then stand up which would stop the flow, so that my bladder wouldn't completely empty. By the time my radiologist (?is that the title?) got me from the waiting room, I was uncomfortably full again. And had to endure having my bladder and stomach pressed in various directions. With an ultrasound looking from the outside in, then the inside further in (what fun). Then wait while she went and got her supervisor because she couldn't find one of my ovaries. He couldn't find it either. (The same thing happened two years ago, but it was the opposite ovary they couldn't find. I do have two. I asked if it was my fat getting in the way, but no, they are just very small organs. Volume of one cubic centimetre.) I haven't got the official report yet, but they said they couldn't find anything that would cause my pelvic pain. Which is good news, I think. Maybe the blood test will show something, but the pain has greatly reduced over the past couple of days so hopefully it was a temporary ailment. And finally I got to empty my bladder!

I really wanted to pick up some take-away food for lunch but had to rush home and just made it before the kids, I passed them a couple of doors down. Because of a mis-communication with my friend, who knew I wasn't well, and her husband, who didn't know, two little friends of my children came home with them. I didn't mind really because the children play very well, have no need of supervision at their age, and all I had to do was put out some food and leave them to it. But I really needed a proper lunch, yet didn't want to either eat a meal in front of them all without offering, nor cook something for five people instead of one. I ended up just snacking. Not the best plan, I likely wasn't thinking at my best. I was exhausted and hungry and stressed, a bad combination.

I gratefully snuggled down in my armchair with my book and a lap-rug and then my husband rang. After checking how I was, he announced that the move to Sydney was happening. He doesn't actually have it in writing yet, nor a start date, but apparently all parties have approved. So we're moving! I have said I want it to be any time before Christmas, so I guess 3-4 months. I admit I'm more tired and overwhelmed right now than excited, but it's definitely a good thing. It's what I wanted. Time to start looking at houses again!

What a day.

Oh, one more thing. You remember my rumpus room, that was all finished and we put our stuff back out there on the weekend? (No, the roof hasn't started leaking again.) Well a guy from the parent company that hired all the contractors for our insurance-covered work called this morning and wanted to check out the quality of the job that had been done, and I said he was welcome to. He came and approved the nice new ceiling, and the paint job on the two white walls, but frowned at a little bit of white paint and/or plaster dust that had got on one of the two wooden walls. So now he's sending someone out to re-stain those two walls! They are coming Thursday. Not finished after all. I'll have to get Tim to move some boxes away from the walls a bit. I don't know if they are genuinely concerned about doing the perfect job, or if they are milking the insurance company for everything they can. I should probably tell them that the door sticks a bit! The saga continues.

I just checked and my ultrasound results are already up on the website (so awesome they have that feature! obviously I have a password to log in, it's secure, and I don't have to wait to see my doctor to start looking up the tricky words.) "No evidence of any pelvic mass." Those are the important words. Both this ultrasound and the one two years ago mention probable adenomyosis, which means some of my uterine lining is growing into the muscle wall. It can cause pain during heavy periods but doesn't seem to fit with current symptoms.