Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Day Twelve - last day of hell

Actually it hasn't been hell today, I didn't get up early because I really needed some extra sleep. In fact I haven't exercised yet today. I have been frantically busy getting ready for tomorrow's party and 8 weekend houseguests. I just got the beef bourguignon browned and into the slow cooker. It is for 12 people, and took about an hour and a half. I still have the dessert to make, and some party food. And a LOT of house cleaning!

I did a sneaky early weigh-in this morning, I was up to 81.7kg which was sad - I assume it was affected by last night's indulgences which were still in my body. Official weigh-in tomorrow.

Day Eleven - restaurant

I went out to a meeting tonight, with dinner afterwards. I knew I would be eating late, so when I cooked dinner for my kids and husband I stole a bit. Then at the meeting I had some chips, and cheese & crackers. And a few cherries, but I am ok with the cherries. And at least I didn't have any wine. Then finally dinner, where I made a really bad choice, diet-wise, and got a noodle dish. Essentially carbohydrates and fat. So very bad evening all round, in regard to calories and healthy choices. My exercise session is this morning was the only thing that saved me going over my calorie limit, and even then it was getting close.

I will do better tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Day Eleven - nearly there

This morning I got out of bed on time but due to an unavoidable delay I didn't make it to the start of my class so I just used the cardio equipment. I managed to work quite hard - but not as hard as I would have at BodyStep.

I won't be getting up early tomorrow morning, I need to store up some sleep for my party. I'll go for a walk or something during the day. I am really tired. Quite shatteringly tired actually. I have no paid work on today, there is a lot of housework waiting but maybe I should crawl back in to bed.

I had a beautiful dream last night that the alarm didn't go off and I slept in until 9am. Bliss.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Day Ten - BodyPump

There is such a temptation, at 5.45, to snuggle down for just a few more minutes ... but I resisted, and got to my BodyPump class in time. It was a good session. My plan last week to skip Tuesdays obviously didn't apply as I had all weekend off, and also I have decided I like Pump so I'll see what happens. I may skip Mondays instead, since yesterday didn't work out. The temperature at 6am got up to the giddy heights of 0 degrees C, much warmer than yesterday.

It was my turn to be the helper at my son's playschool, so I spent the morning helping 3-year-olds thread coloured pasta onto wool, rolli out play-dough, and go to the toilet. I wiped down the tables and swept the floor after the 20 or so kids had had their morning tea, making that job last as long as possible, then joined them outside in the cold for a hour. Finally I mopped the toilet floor and walked Aiden back home.

Presumably it is a combination of the early mornings, this morning's class, and all the squatting and sweeping etc at playschool, but I am completely exhausted now. Various bits hurt, and my feet are very tired. I am glad my turn helping at playschool is over for the term!

I was tidying our games room when I got home and discovered some leftovers from last night's supper. I put the block of chocolate away in the cuboard with the jelly snakes but switched off the part of my brain telling me not to and ate the two double-coat Tim Tams. Last night I had two Tim Tams and 5 jelly snakes, still really good compared to my past history but enough to take me a bit over my allowance for yesterday.

I slept better last night, or would have but Aiden woke at 4am. Tim got up, but Aiden wanted his mummy. It is a bad time of night to get back to sleep - for me anyway - and it took me a while. Still a better night than many lately. To get enough sleep, I left our supper guests with my husband (we play Dungeons & Dragons) and went to bed at 9.30.

Only two more gym sessions between my and my birthday! I hope 4 in a row will be ok this week. I can go to bed early tonight.

Day Nine - tired and cold

Wow it was a really freezing day all day. It was supposed to get to 11 degrees C, but it certainly didn't feel like that any times I was outside.

I have felt a bit miserable today, I think for two reasons. The lesser is that, with the class changed around this morning and me just using the cross-trainer/bike/treadmill, I really feel like I didn't do enough exercise today. I didn't go fast enough, hard enough. My calorie program said I burned over 300 calories in the 50 minutes, but it wasn't there to see how slow I was going. I need to get over this constant guilt. It's an ongoing thing, and apparently quite common for overweight people (I think I blogged about it before) to not give themselves credit for doing at least something. Never good enough.

The bigger problem is how much I am dreading getting up at 5.45 tomorrow morning, and many mornings in the future. I will be so tired and cold. The thought of it almost makes me want to cry. I need to focus on just one day at a time and hope it gets better. I suppose in spring - 2 MONTHS AWAY - it will at least start to get warmer and lighter. Why did I have to chose this time of year to start? You know why? Because I didn't start last summer, or the summer before that, or the summer before that. The time is now. Anyway, a forever of freezing mornings with not enough sleep seems to stretch into the endless horrible future. And with no morning cuddles with my little boy. So, don't think about the future. Just tomorrow. I can do it tomorrow.

My right shoulder, my old RSI injury, is hurting today. I am mostly 'cured' as long as I am careful with it, but cold and tiredness and illness always make the pain return.

Dietwise, much the same as previous days. I am, just after dinner, slightly under my daily limit but I will be using some of my exercise calories this evening at my regular Monday night supper. I'm glad (mostly, a little bit of me is sad) that I don't have much junk in the house or I might have eaten more today. Oh, I forgot to post my chocolate, so I am probably actually already into my exercise calories.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Day Nine - very very cold

I had a very restless night, I kept waking up and thinking: 'Please please don't let it be time to get up yet' - and it wasn't. I woke about every hour from 1.30am. Finally the alarm did go off, it seemed extra hard this morning to get out of bed. I hadn't had to get up at 5.45 since last Wednesday (it's Monday) so I don't know yet if it is something you can get used to.

It was -4 C outside! I didn't think to grab my gloves, by the time I got there my hands were red with cold and I could hardly fumble my gym card out of my wallet. Tomorrow I will have beanie, gloves, and trackie pants on over my gym shorts as well as the usual jumper on top. I think we had a really cold change yesterday. It is just about the middle of winter in Canberra, after all.

When I got there I found that they were going to use the variable cross-training class to do boxing, which I can't do due to my dodgy shoulders. So I had to just use the equipment. Arg! I got at at 5.45 in the -4 degree darkness for this?? Oh well, I got in a workout of sorts. Still, it was a hard morning.

Day Eight - busy

My stomach was a bit unsettled but improved throughout the day, I am going to go to the gym tomorrow morning.

I went over my allowed calories today (by 65 I think) which was disappointing. I didn't have any extra calories from exercise to use. Actually I worked hard all day, on housework, but that doesn't count. Still not enough fruit (1/2), or vegetables (2), but I probably had my dairy today. And I drank 6 glasses of water. I tend to eat a lot of meat, cheese, and carbohydrates, I need to replace some of that with fruit and vegetables. I am feeling a bit discouraged after 2 days without exercise, but I will be back into it tomorrow.

Saturday, June 26, 2010

Day Eight - still sick

Unfortunately my stomach is still not right this morning, so I can't exercise today. Both my kids are also complaining of stomach ache and headache (although the 3 year old might just be copying). I just hope I am well enough to get some major house cleaning done today. At least I feel better than yesterday.

Yesterday sucked so badly. I stayed in bed all afternoon worrying about all the stuff I should be doing. Felt considerably better (and hungry) at dinner time - Tim had taken the kids to the movies so I decided to start dinner rather than waiting for him to get home and cook. I put a steak in the hot pan and oil splashed up straight at my face. I reflexively closed my eyes in time which was lucky as my right eyelid was quite badly burned. There were also splashes on my forehead, under my eye,and next to my mouth - but the eyelid was definitely the worst, perhaps because it is thin sensitive skin. It is the only bit still hurting this morning.

Partly from the pain, but also a lot from the shock, I cried for quite a long time. Not just leaking tears but big sobs, like my 6 year old daughter does.

Anyway, that was my yesterday. On the good side, I stayed under my calorie limit because I didn't eat much all day. But no exercise, very little water, 1 fruit and 1 vegetable and no dairy. Oh well, I was sick, it can't be helped. Hopefully I will get fully better over the course of the day. It is very frustrating to get sick when I was doing so well. It seems to happen a lot when I try to get fit, I know that this time I was going hard which may have contributed, but other times I have been more moderate and still get sick. I am not going to let it make me give up this time. I'll be up at 5.45 tomorrow morning ready for cross-training!

Friday, June 25, 2010

Day Seven - sick

Urg and blah. Looks like my bit of nausea and headache yesterday actually meant something. This morning I had some stomach discomfort, I thought it was hunger and had a hearty breakfast. Shortly afterwards I had nasty stomach pains. It is now after 4 pm, the pains have lasted all day, migrating to my intestines, and I have a killer headache. I have been in bed most of the afternoon. It's all very annoying.

On the bright side, I am getting whatever sickness this is over and done with well before my party on Friday.

Day Seven - the first weigh-in

My first weigh-in was last Sunday, I was 83.1kg. As this kick-start is for 12 days, this morning was the half-way point so I thought it was a good time to see how it was going.

The scales said 81.3 kg. At first I thought: that is pretty good for 6 days, 0.8kg. Then I realised that it was actually 1.8kg lost! Yay. To check, I weighed myself again: the number jumped up and down for ages and finally settled on 81.9. Not quite as good. And so different I needed to check which was right. 81.2, 81.2, 81.2, 81.1, 81.4, 81.3. I think we can safely say that the 81.9 was an abberation and that I am around 81.2/81.3. So that is really good.

I got to sleep in this morning but I didn't really sleep. I woke again around 6, and just drifted after that. It was lovely to be able to stay in bed. I wish I was better at sleeping tho. I finally got up at 8.30 because I hadn't eaten since dinner 6-6.30 last night, and I was getting hungry.

Day Six - headache

I was feeling a bit queasy in the gym but put it down to tiredness. It still could be, of course, but I have been feeling a little nauseated on and off all day. I now also have a nasty headache. I refuse to get sick when I am doing so well.

Today I did my exercise, kept within my calories (again, only with my extra earned exercise calories) and tracked everything I ate. I've only had 1 fruit and 1 dairy and probably 1 or 2 vegetable servings, which isn't so great, also only 3 drinks so far. I might have a glass of milk in a little while. Through most of the day I only ate when I was hungry - I actually felt genuinely hungry a couple of times! - but I ate too much for dinner, beyond fullness. Perhaps not as good as day as some have been, but I have fulfilled all my core objectives which is great.

Headache and tired.

Tomorrow, Saturday, is my official sleep-in day. Yay! Tim takes the kids to gymnastics, and they don't get home until after it finishes at 9.30. Of course I get woken when they all get up, but I get to stay in bed and hopefully get back to sleep. Tim goes to a dance class in the late morning, so I will go to the gym in the afternoon.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Day Six - still doing it!

I can hardly believe it is day 6 and I am still exercising (every day!) and restricting my calories!

It's Friday today, there is a bus strike so I had to get up a little early (but not 5.45 early!) to drive my husband to work, then back to drop Jasmine at school and watch her get an award at morning assembly (for overall improvement), then Aiden to childcare, then get hair ripped out of my body with hot wax, pop into the shops to grab a couple of things + some strawberries for morning tea, then was at the gym at 10.30. The plan was for 20 mins on the cross-trainer, 10 mins rowing, 30 minutes on the bike.

The strangest thing happened. After only a few minutes on the cross-trainer I was feeling fatigued. I wanted to get off and try something easier, like the treadmill. But I stayed on and kept going. Isn't that weird? I then got on the rowing machine, usually in the past I have done 5 minutes but today I wanted to do 10. I was busy thinking about my party next week and hardly noticed the 10 minutes go by. Finally on to the bike. I set it for 30 minutes. Pretty soon I was feeling very tired and even a bit nauseous. But I kept going. The timer kept counting down. After 5 mins I told myself to do 10 and then we'd see. At 10 I decided to do 20. And finally I made myself do it all.

This might not sound strange to self-disciplined and/or fit people, but for me this was a really major change. I didn't want to do it, but I did it anyway. I was tired, but I did it anyway. I felt a bit queasy from tiredness and possibly hunger, AND I DID IT ANYWAY.

I showered, grabbed an apple (okay, okay, and two Nice biscuits, I was starving) from the tea room, drove to the cheesecake shop and ordered my birthday cake for my party next week (lucky they don't sell cake by the slice or I might have caved), came home and had lunch. And that is my day so far.

I know I should feel really proud of myself, I have exercised six days in a row - 5 at the gym and one walk - I have stuck to my calorie limits, and I have kept going even when I didn't want to. But I don't really feel proud. I feel bewildered.

Day Five - walking

I managed to get some exercise in today, I went for a brisk half hour walk. I went a bit early to pick up my son from childcare and walked around the lake. I went quickly enough to get up a glow. The lakeside is very busy on weekends, but on a Thursday afternoon there was almost no-one, I actually got a bit nervous and turned back to be nearer the roads and people.

The walk gave me an extra 100 calories to spend which I really needed, I used all my calories today for the first time. As with previous days, I am partly eating from tiredness/stress/boredom or just for the taste rather than from hunger. But still, I did well overall on my 'day off'.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Day Five - resting

This morning, snuggled down in a warm bed until 7.30, I felt very strongly motivated to find some way to exercise regularly that did not involve getting up at 5.45. But after checking my gym class schedule I don't see how I can. I really need to do classes, working out on my own doesn't motivate me. My gym has some 9.30 classes, but none that I like/can do with my shoulder restrictions. Also, that would cut heavily into my very limited work time. I could potentially try another gym, but I have paid at this one until November. I did try another gym once, but after the year there ran out I came back to my Club Pink. It is a really nice gym, it is just that the 9.30 classes have gradually been swapped for the wrong ones. But for the moment, that is what I have to work with, so it looks like I am still doing the 6.15 ones.

The original plan was 6 days per week of vigorous exercise, but after yesterday's breakdown I have decided I am not ready for that. I am changing to 5 days so that I can have an extra break in the middle. My current concept is:
Saturday - after lunch, use gym equipment eg cross trainer (no classes at a time I can go)
Sunday - 9.00 am, 50/50 class (aerobics/Step)
Monday - 6.15 am, Xtraining and core class
Tuesday - day off (but I walk a bit on Tuesdays)
Wednesday - 6.15 am BodyStep
Thursday - 6.15 am BodyPump
Friday - day off

I still get a good variety, and only have to get up early 3 days a week instead of 5. Of course this week is a bit different, I am taking today off (Thursday) so I will go tomorrow, no class so I will use the equipment and I don't have any urgent work so I will go at 9.30 am. Oh, actually I am getting my legs waxed at 9.30, so I will go after that.

One challenge for the two days I don't exercise is that I don't get those extra 'exercise calories' that I have been relying on. If I run out by the end of the day I might have to do some exercise anyway just to earn myself dinner! It is probably a good idea to go for a walk or something anyway.

I'm feeling tired and run down today, I definitely needed the break so I can get back into it with energy tomorrow. It was so so lovely to sleep in until a normal time!

Day Four - hurdles

This morning it was harder than ever to get out of bed in the cold pitch-darkness. I had been awake since about 5 am, waiting for the alarm to go off, with Tim tossing and turning beside me. I treasured every moment I was still snuggled down under the covers, but kept checking the clock to see how long I had left. At 5.45 I dragged myself up.

I have been packing my gym bag the night before so everything is ready, towel and water bottle and change of clothes in the bag, gym clothes sitting on top where I can find them easily even with only a little light coming through the crack of the ajar ensuite door. Pull my hair into a ponytail, brush teeth, grab something to eat in the car on the way, and out the door.

Today it was Body Step. My favorite class, but the most energetic. After the warm-up, I was exhausted. After 15 minutes I was in tears. I was just so tired. Fourth straight day of vigorous exercise was too much for this obese sedentary body. I would not let myself leave the class, but I barely did the routine, moving too slowly, small steps, often marching on the floor rather than using my step. Even so, it was hard. I kept hearing Michelle from Australia's Biggest Loser shouting "no crying in the gym!" but the tears kept coming. I was up the back of the room, and hoped that anyone looking at me thought it was sweat. I hadn't had enough sleep for days, plus I was just physically exhausted. Once I had myself under control, the thought of telling Tim that I needed a day off set me off again. I hated the thought of disappointing him. I made this committment to work hard, and my body was betraying me.

A blogger I follow, BitchCakes, goes to weight watchers and often talkes about 'reframing'. I need to reframe this experience into a positive. I am not a failure. I did the class as well as I could, even though I was so tired. Taking a day to rest my body is not giving up. I am making this a sustainable lifestyle, not a 2 week crash diet. I am not lazy. I have been working very hard at my diet and exercise, and also at my day job which has been very hectic. I have had a huge job that was actually due yesterday - I told them I needed another 24 hours and finally got it in at 8 pm today. So I have had that to deal with as well. And I did it. Tim has been working very long hours too, up to 11 pm one night, it is 8.30 pm now and he isn't home yet, so I have been getting both kids to bed by myself most nights as well. Tomorrow I can rest my body and my brain. All I have on is the grocery shopping, and looking after myself with rest and healthy food. I could even have a nap if I wanted. Oh bliss!

Food today has been similar to previous days. I am still eating real food, but too much of it and sometimes when I am not really hungry. I am within my calories, but only because of the exercise (I counted this morning as part Step and part walking, I also walked the kids to school and playschool - I don't count the slow walk with a 3 year old but I do count the 15 minutes of brisk walking home).

I can hardly express how relieved I am at the thought that I don't have to get up until 7.30 tomorrow. That is more in my mind than the not doing exercise. I am still struggling against feelings of failure and giving up. I will listen to my body tomorrow, maybe do a gentle walk, but nothing strenuous. Right now I am going to catch up on my emails and the blogs I read, watch the 'House' episode I taped on Sunday, and when Tim gets home I will have a hot bath and sink into bed. See you tomorrow. After the sun is well up.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Day three - staying on track

The only reason I am still within my daily allowance of calories today is because I have all those exercise calories earned this morning. Otherwise I would be over by about 250. I have eaten all real, healthy food (except for one square of chocolate, my indulgence of choice) but I have had large serves of high-calorie items like nuts and cheese and spaghetti bolognaise for dinner. My bowl of pasta was huge. I had a salad as well, which I had after the pasta and forced myself to eat, and I am feeling quite overfull.

Even if I am eating good food (I consider things like pasta and cheese good food even if they are high in calories/fat/carbohydrate) I still need to consider portion sizes and only eating when I am actually hungry. Something to work on.

But; today I have done my exercise, tracked all my food, drunk 6 glasses of water (and will have more before bed), stayed within my total calories, and eaten 2 fruit and 2 dairy. And I won't eat after 9 pm. My only vegetables were at dinner - a salad plus the tomato, onion and mushroom in the pasta sauce. Probably 3 serves total, I need to incorporate vegetables into my lunch. A pretty good day though. I think I am actually starting to feel proud of myself. 3 days is great.

I also feel a little less sleepy-tired today. I think I slept better last night. I did wake up several times from about 3.30 am onwards, checking the time, but I will learn to trust the alarm. It is hard getting up so early, but also hard needing to go to bed so early. I feel like I hardly get to see my husband (who doesn't get home until 7 and sometimes much later). And I have taped a couple of favourite TV shows but haven't had time to watch them.

Work-wise this has kind of been bad timing, in that I have a big job on hand that was supposed to be due today but will be 1 or 2 days late. It might have been late anyway, but I have been tireder than usual and haven't been able to sit up and work in the evening. I would have really loved being able to have an afternoon nap or two as well. I work freelance, so some weeks I would have been able to. But not this week. Not until I get this work done, anyway.

As a new lifestyle, I feel this is mostly do-able. I am assuming I will get used to early mornings, and I kind of hate to say this but I am already sort of enjoying the exercise. That is hard to admit, because it makes me feel like I should have been exercising more for years. But I have to put the past in the past. I will tell guilt and shame and self-loathing that they have no power over me!

I think the worst thing about this new exercise regime, in the long term, is the reduction of time with my husband. I hope that when I get more used to it I won't have to go to bed quite so early, but even so I will be going to bed at least an hour before my husband. To get 8 hours sleep I need to go to sleep at 9.45 pm, and even if I fall asleep relatively quickly (which I don't do now) I would want to be in bed at 9.30. That is so early! I am not totally sure that that is a sustainable routine. I have early exercise class on 4 days a week, later on Friday and Sunday, and I have Saturday off. I suppose I only have to go to bed early from Sunday to Wednesday nights. And I have various meetings on 3 Wednesday nights a month, I only get home about 9.30. I'm thinking that Thursday morning - the fifth straight day of exercise and after an early night - is going to be the hardest one! Thursday is another Pump class.

Well, I have made the committment to do this for 2 weeks, then I will see how well it has worked.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Day three - Body Pump

Firstly, to cover the rest of yesterday. I had a healthy dinner; chicken breast with chilli sauce and lots of vegetables. Then instead of my usual Monday night pig-out I had 4 squares of chocolate. I savoured each one. Delicious. Got to be proud of myself for that.

This morning I dragged myself out of bed at 5.50 am again. I am actually going to have to make it 5.45 in future, I was a teensy bit late for class yesterday and a lot late today - I had trouble finding parking (so many people go to the gym early in the morning!) and I missed the whole warm-up track. I had planned to eat a banana in the car but I couldn't get the skin open (arg) until I parked. The top bit was all mushy and disgusting from my efforts to open it while peering through fogged up windows, and I didn't have time to eat it all anyway - just a bit in my hurry from the car to the gym door - so I had to do Pump with only half a banana for energy.

It went ok. I don't enjoy Pump as much as cardio classes ('enjoy' being a relative term). I know weight-bearing exercise is good for me and also it means I am not doing 6 days of cardio in a row, but I prefer to feel all sweaty exhausted after a class rather than muscle-aching exhausted. Also, I have an old shoulder injury that means I have to be very careful with lifting and I can't do all the exercises. At least I didn't have to wash my hair today as I didn't sweat much. I bet my arms will be sore tomorrow.

Speaking of sore, my calves were sore after the first day (my favorite class, 50/50 aerobics and Step), and after yesterday morning's cross-training and core class I am sore in my abs, glutes and thighs. It is kind of a good sore - it lets me know I am working hard.

I had Nut Feast cereal when I got home and then for morning tea I had a high-calorie but reasonably healthy combo of cheese, nuts (cashews, almonds and macadamias) and dried peaches. I think I had too much of each. I am still eating food more for the taste than because I am hungry. I need to learn to listen to my body more.

I try to have some carbs (not too much) and protein with each meal, so for lunch I will probably have something on toast. Tuna, or a poached egg. Cheese sounds good but I have had that today already. Or creamed corn. Even not hungry, I think about food a lot. But at least I am planning ahead so I don't binge on bad stuff.

Oh, there is still half a packet of chips in the cuboard from Saturday. I have thought about throwing it away, but it is quite a good feeling to know it is still sitting there and I have been able to resist it. Don't want to tempt myself too far tho.

Sunday, June 20, 2010

Day two - the day

Wow I am really feeling it today. My leg muscles are a bit sore (actually not as sore as yesterday afternoon) but I am really really tired. Both physically tired and sleepy tired. I went to bed at 9 pm last night, so if I had slept well I would have got nearly 9 hours sleep. Unfortunately, I am not very good at sleeping. It takes me a long time to get to sleep, and then if I wake I have trouble getting back to sleep. I am hoping exercise and weight-loss will help with this. The night before that, before the first day of my new lifestyle, I had a very rare coca-cola to help me concentrate while driving home from Sydney in the evening. I am not used to caffine, so it contributed to poor sleep. So after two bad nights, plus all the new physical exercise, I could hardly keep my eyes open today. Unfortunate, as I have an editing job due tomorrow. I think it is going to be a day or two late. Monday is my day home with my 3 year old son anyway, so I am not sure how I expected to get any work done.

Perhaps caused by the tiredness, or perhaps just because day two is a little less motivational than day one, I am struggling with cravings a bit today. I have plenty of calories spare, thanks to my cross-training circuit class, but I really wanted to stick to healthy food. We have visitors every Monday night and always have supper. I am planning to allow myself a small amount of indulgence, within my calorie allowance, but all the more reason not to splurge during the day. I did have one square of chocolate, and some flavoured rice crackers (not really bad, but nutritionally empty).

I need to learn to give myself credit for things. Yes I had one square - one square! 5 grams! - of chocolate, but I did NOT have my usual row or more. I did really well to restrict myself to one piece. I ate it in three small bites, savouring the flavour. I had some salty, cardboard-equivalent rice crackers, but I did NOT have the half-packet of chips sitting in the cuboard, which was what I really wanted. Victory! And, of course, this morning I got up at the godsforsaken hour of 5.50 am, in winter, in the dark, and went to the gym and did an hour of really strenous exercise that left me red-faced and pounding-hearted. I need to learn to accept that yes, I have done well!

Day Two - the dawn

This morning the alarm went off at 5.50 am. I got out of bed and dragged myself into my gym clothes and a jacket. Had half a glass of water and made myself a peanut butter cruskit sandwich which I ate in the car. Drove to the gym. Was shocked at how many people are up and exercising at this time of the morning.

The class (cross-training circuit) was hard, but I think it was no harder than it would have been any other time of day. My legs weren't particularly sore from yesterday, thank goodness. I was hot and sweaty and exhausted by the end. Had my shower and then half a bowl of high-fibre cereal (it wasn't very nice) in the breakfast room. I plan to try all the different cereals there since I don't have to buy a whole packet - or indeed pay for them: well, of course I do really in my membership.

I'm a bit too tired and dazed to feel proud of myself. I'll see how I feel later. Amazing to think that when I finished my exercise, my husband and children were still in bed!

Day one

I'm at the end of day one (just had dinner) and my core targets have been achieved. An hour at the gym (my calves are sore, I hope I can walk tomorrow because I have a cross-training class!), I dipped into my extra 'exercise calories' by 65, but still have more than 500 available if I need them (clearly I don't today), and I tracked everything I ate. I may still have a small snack in a couple of hours. I won't eat after 9 pm. All good, healthy food.

I've done ok with my secondary goals. 5 glasses of water (and will try to fit in another, but not too late or I will be up in the night more than my usual once) and I have blogged (obviously). Fruit/vegetable/dairy targets not so good. I had half an orange before I went to the gym, but as I don't shop until tomorrow the bowl was pretty bare. I ate a carrot and a half - pretty much the only fresh vegetable we had left, but I also had some creamed corn on toast and sundried tomatos on my pasta. I'm letting myself off these two targets today as we honestly had very little. I'll shop for lots of fruit and vegetables tomorrow. As for dairy, I had some milk on my cereal and some romano cheese on my pasta, together they might add up to one serve of dairy (just). My supper might be a yoghurt.

So... today I just need to get to bed at an early hour, taping "House" which is on too late (goodness knows when I will get to watch it), as I am getting up at (cringe) 5.50 am tomorrow. Ooh, that reminds me, I need to pack my gym bag and lay out my clothes so I am ready to crawl into them and go. Is it possible to exercise without eating breakfast first? I am going to have to try.

Saturday, June 19, 2010

12 days of hell

I turn 40 in 12 days. And I have probably put on weight every one of those 40 years. I stopped growing upward in my teens, but kept growing outwards. I have, in the past, kept my weight partly under control with a certain amount of exercise, but last year I went back to University to do a postgraduate degree and this year I started part-time work (after being at home with my kids for six years). I have really struggled to find the time to exercise.

It is not just about being thin (although that would be great). My health is really starting to suffer. I had gestational diabetes with my second pregnancy, so that adds to my risk of getting type 2 diabetes. I am tired and sluggish all the time. I feel unhealthy and unattractive. So, time to do something about it!

I have tried, and failed, to change my diet and exercise a few times recently. My husband thinks that I need some quick, positive results to keep me motivated. So I am giving my lifestyle change a kick-start. For the next 12 days I will:
* exercise for an hour at the gym 6 days a week
* stick to the daily calorie recommendations of the CalorieKing online program
* not eat after 9 pm
* track everything faithfully.

The exercise is going to be hard. I have done very little in the past 18 months (although I still have gym membership, at ruinous cost) so I am very unfit. Even worse, the only way I will able to get to the gym on weekdays is to go early in the morning. The classes are at 6.15. Just shoot me now. Usually I drag myself out of bed at 7.30. Or, actually, 10 minutes after that, after lying comatose for a while. And I will have to get out of bed at 5.50, assuming I don't have breakfast before I go.

I've chosen to count calories because it gives me flexibility about when and what I eat. Of course to stay within my calorie limit I will need to eat primarily healthy low-fat food. But I don't have to give up chocolate entirely.

My secondary goals are:
* drink at least 6 glasses of water every day
* eat 2 fruits, 5 vegetables, and 2 serves of dairy every day
* blog here every day.

I have committed to this for the next 12 days. Then I will celebrate my birthday, and then review the whole diet/exercise thing. I am hoping that in the next 2 weeks I will feel some kind of difference in myself, enough to motivate me to continue. I suppose that, really, even if there is no major change, I will have to continue anyway. Or find a better way.

Ok, here is the scariest bit. Today I weighed in at 83.1 kg on my home scale. This is my highest non-pregnant weight ever, and only 3 kg less than my highest pregnant weight. It was really horrible to see that number. If you think it isn't that huge a number - well I am only 152 cm (5 foot) tall. My BMI is about 32, which puts me in the Seriously Obese. Not overweight, not obese, but Seriously Obese. So, from today, I am doing something about it. I expect it to be hard. I will do it anyway.

I went to the gym this morning (for the 9 am class, it is Sunday so I didn't have to get up early). I worked hard in the BodyStep class. I bet I will be sore tomorrow. And that is an exciting thing. Calorie tracking is going well, and I expect to be comfortably under my limit. Day one is going well.