Friday, May 31, 2013

Hard Day


I had a super busy day at work. Deadlines were suddenly brought forward to, like, RIGHT NOW, and it left me feeling a bit frazzled. And I had lunch an hour late to finish some urgent work, and not getting my regular calories always affects me. But most of all it is that TOM. I can't call it PMS because it isn't pre-, it's during-. I feel miserable and dazed and achy.

I got out of work late and had 11 minutes to do the 25 minute brisk walk to the school to pick up the kids. I hate being more than a few minutes late so I walked as fast as I could and even broke into a jog for a while (in work clothes and wearing my backpack). I was a little late but not too bad. But I felt exhausted by the time I got there. I asked my boy if he minded skipping gymnastics for once (he didn't mind) so we went home and I got in a hot bath then had a cup of tea.

I had this panel thing tonight, I was supposed to be one of five editors answering questions from local authors. I don't know why I ever agreed to it, I'm rather shy so the whole thing was very scary. But I was determined to fulfil the commitment even though I was feeling horrible. I had to have dinner very early, then Tim would get home and make dinner for himself and the kids while I went out.

Then I drizzled balsamic vinegar over my salmon instead of soy sauce.

I hoped for the best, maybe it would go ok with the lemon, chilli and garlic. So I put it in the oven. And overcooked it to dry blackness. And the vinegar did not taste good. So I had to throw my dinner away. My mind clearly was not working. I just couldn't cope. I emailed the panel convener with my apologies although I felt very guilty and defeatist.

My husband got home, having rushed to be here about two hours earlier than usual. He was concerned about me not going to the panel. So I cried a bit.

He made dinner and I ate it and feel a little better. But I still just want to crawl into bed, and will do so soon.

So nothing very terrible happened but it was a hard day and I am glad it is over. Or at least at the stage where I can just sit and stare blankly at the TV.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Checking in


Just checking in. Don't have a lot to say. Working. Walking briskly an hour a day. Eating winter-lard-promoting foods.

I dreamed I had to land a plane when everyone else on board came down with food poisoning. I'm pretty sure it was a metaphor for my workplace.

Monday, May 27, 2013



I was quite excited about being back in an office. By Friday afternoon I was over it. Sunday afternoon I realised I had to do it all again ... and again ...

But today I felt refreshed again so I should be good for at least a few days before the next end-of-week slump.

Had a quiet weekend at home. Maintaining my weight at 78 kg so walking for an hour a day must be offsetting the slump back into bad food. So far, anyway.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Back in the office


I've had two full days back in the office after ten years at home with chronic pain, then with kids, and then working from home. I'm loving many aspects of being back. The work is a little dull but by no means horrible, and I'm back with people! Adults, even! I haven't done much chatting but it's great to be surrounded by people. Much less lonely than at home. And I feel kind of important, too, striding around a multi-story office building with my security pass and my semi-corporate clothes. Frowning thoughtfully at TWO computer screens on my desk.

Wednesday is the only day I can work longer than school hours so yesterday was both my first full day at work and my long day. By the time I had walked home (and having to go right around the school to get in to pick up the kids from after-school care in the hall because all the other gates were locked by that time) I was truly exhausted. I made dinner then collapsed. I am still fighting off the germs from last weekend but I think it was mainly just that I am not used to working all day!

I walk to and from work so that is quite nice exercise each day but being in an office again is terrible for my diet. I'm taking my lunch and snacks but I'd forgotten the temptations of vending machines and people selling chocolates for charity. Today I saw a birthday one section over, no doubt I'll eventually be involved in those too at some point. Oh, and did I mention we are right next to the area's major shopping centre? So if I want to pop out at lunch time for anything, anything at all, I can. So far I haven't done very much resisting. I guess I'm going to have to start climbing a lot of stairs!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013



I worked from home today but hopefully will get back into the office tomorrow. All the security forms are completed and lodged.

I didn't really mind staying home as I wasn't feeling that well. I'd been sick all weekend but better yesterday. Maybe it was just the excitement of a new job as I felt yuck again today. I didn't eat anything until nearly lunch time. I walked to the local post office (1 km away) and was exhausted by the time I got home, which is why ...

A zombie caught me!

I had often wondered what happens if a zombie catches you. I was going to tell you; but just in case you want to use the app, I won't.

I was just walking slowly and listening to the story when I got a warning that a zombie was 50 metres away (I walked a bit faster), then 20 metres away (faster still), then it was moaning in my ear which actually made me look over my shoulder and break into a trot even though I was feeling a bit sick. I had been told that speeding up was enough, you didn't have to run, but it caught me so maybe that isn't true.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Liebster Award

The Liebster Award

Jennifer from It's Just Jennifer has tagged me for The Liebster Award. No idea where that name/concept comes from.
Here are the rules:

1) Post 11 random facts about yourself
2) Answer the 11 questions the tagger has asked you
3) Choose 3 deserving bloggers, and ask them 11 new questions
4) Don't tag the person that nominated you

 Eleven Random Facts:
1) I love to sing and used to perform in a lot of amateur theatricals and karaoke competitions. Once I sang Eponine's soulful "On my Own" in an audition and got cast as a sassy aging stripper. Not the look I was going for!
2) I hate coffee, even the smell which most people like.
3) I'm scared of heights and creepy-crawlies. But I could hold a snake or cuddle a rat no problems. And I love snuggly enclosed spaces.
4) My grandmother had a pet kangaroo, not really that common in Australia. It was rescued as a joey when its mother was killed by dogs. It loved my grandmother but hated everyone else; growled like a dog and tried to kick and scratch you. I was scared to go into her backyard.
5) I just got glasses today! Love them. Everything is so sharp and clear.

6) I would love to write a novel one day. Fantasy fiction. There are plenty of times when I do have the time to work on it, but don't "get around to it".

7) I have a degree in Linguistics and learned little bits of five languages (including Latin) but can't remember much of any of them. Undergraduate Uni was a long time ago. My husband's brother married a Chinese woman so my husband recently suggested we should learn that. It's a tricky one because it's tonal.

8) I had an identical twin sister who died when we were babies. Once I was hypnotised and taken through a visualisation and was supposed to meet myself, but it was her.

9) I don't believe in ghosts, even though as a child both my brother and I saw my elder brother's ghost several times soon after he died (he was run over by a train when he was ten). It wasn't scary at all -- he was my brother! Still don't believe in them though. I was only six.

10) I like planning more than doing.

11) I have super powers. I can block my nose without touching it by squeezing the inner muscles, and I can dilate my eyes so I can see better in the dark.

And your questions are...

1) What is your favorite food?
Duck as a favourite main-course, chocolate as dessert, salty chips as a snack.
2) Sweet or salty?
Definitely salty.

3) Can you roll your tongue?

4) What was your clique in school (prep, misfits, jock, band, etc.)?
We don't really have cliques in Australia. I don't even know what "prep" means. I was one of the smart kids but my group of ten that I sat with at lunch was a very eclectic mix. Probably the only point of commonality was that none of us was sporty.

5) Do you have any pets, or what would you have if you don't have any?
We only have goldfish at the moment but want to get a puppy soon. We haven't had fluffy pets before because my mother is allergic and it would cause problems when she visits overnight, but wanting a family pet has started to tip that balance. We'll have to visit her more often instead. Just waiting to get the fences fixed first.

6) If you had unlimited funds, and a month of free time, what would you do?
Tour Europe and Japan.

7) Who is your celebrity crush?
Don't have one atm. As a kid I loved David Bowie as Jareth from Labyrinth, and I've always thought Johnny Depp is gorgeous. Orlando Bloom as Legolas in LotR. Can you see a fantasy theme here? But I'm not really a fan kind of girl.

8) Do you collect anything?
No. Used to collect unicorns a bit as a teenager.

9) What size shoe do you wear?
6 and a half Australian (6 is the smallest adult size. I am short with little feet.)
10) Favorite color
Purple. And it's spelled "colour" here!

11) Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
I sleep on my left side.

To pass this on, I nominate:
Jill from The Sassy Pear
Fat Guy Winning
Kathleen from 27 years old and 27 kilos too heavy

And your questions are:
1) Tea or coffee? With or without milk and/or sugar?

2) How old are you really, deep down inside?

3) Should you be working right now instead of doing this (I know I should)?

4) What is your favourite cheese? And could you tell brie and camembert apart in a taste test?

5) Are monkeys cute, or stinky poo-throwing monstrosities who would rip your face off as soon as look at you?

6) If you had to live for the next year in a country other than your own, where would it be?

7) If you could shorten your life by one year to magically lose 5 kilograms/10 pounds right now (with suitably tightened skin etc), would you do it? How many times? Is there anything physical about yourself that you would pay years of your life to change?

8) What would be your dream job if you had the aptitude/courage? Remember that if you are famous people go through your garbage and tell lies about you on the front cover of magazines. But you get lots of adulation and money and yachts and stuff.

9) Paper books or electronic?

10) Did you ever write teen-angst poetry, or any other kind?

11) Do you dance like no one is watching? Or like you are on stage and everyone is watching? Or do you shyly and awkwardly shuffle on the spot and hope no one is watching? Or stand in the corner while other people dance?

First day at work, sort of


I walked to my new workplace this morning. It was probably just above freezing by that time, but I was snug enough walking briskly and wrapped in my coat and scarf and beanie and gloves. My new pants had been shortened to just the right length and they were comfortable and all was good with the world. I didn't even listen to music until the last bit, I just walked. I was a little worried about the heavy cloud cover, but it cleared up later.

The first morning was taken up with finding out that no one had computer access, and in fact we didn't have security access either so had to be escorted everywhere around the building. Even to the toilet, apparently, although I just ignored that and went by myself -- it was maybe twenty metres away from my desk and I was in full view all the way to the door. My boss was only there for about half an hour because she had to go to a funeral. I was one of three starting today, all women in the prime of their lives. We were given some reading material but then were herded from floor to floor with stops to fill out forms, trying to get us access. Then they sent us home at lunchtime so they wouldn't have to escort us everywhere anymore. I will probably be working from home tomorrow, I've already been emailed some work to do but in fact was finishing my security clearance stuff until late. Hopefully we will be able to go in Wednesday. Had to laugh about being sent home and asked if I minded -- I only took this job to get out of the house!

Before going home I picked up my new glasses, which only took a week after all. I'm used to wearing sunglasses a lot so they don't seem intrusive, and I love wearing them. My eyes are still pretty good, it's only 0.5, but everything looks so much sharper. And I look (even) smarter.

I listened to the introductory session of the Zombies, Run app on the way home, but it was the same as the intro to the C25K version. Still good, though.

There is a stairwell at work! I'll be able to do some stair climbing in my breaks. And an hour walking each day is nice. As long as it doesn't rain. There is no parking left by the time of morning I get there.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Carbohydrate binge and a cold


Huge carb cravings yesterday. Maybe because it was a really cold day, maybe because I've been reading a book about how bad carbs are for me (which of course made me think about them), partly because I scratched my eyeball first thing in the morning and spent the next four hours with a very sore eye and was squinting and blinking with tears running down my face, and now I think maybe because I was coming down with a cold.

For whatever reason/s, I spent the whole day fighting off cravings to eat sugary carbohydrates. Then in the evening (straight after dinner, when I wasn't even hungry) I caved and ate two slices of bread slathered in butter, some chocolate, and then half a bag of Doritos and a cider.

I spent the evening exhausted and with a headache, which I thought at the time could be because of my binge, but woke this morning with a sore throat and feeling generally yuck and I think I have a cold. I was hoping I'd feel better once I'd been up for a while, but I'm definitely getting worse. We had big plans for this weekend but I think I'm going to have to stay home which is a bummer. I could drag myself around, but I worry about passing on germs to my aging mother and my baby niece, amongst others. The thought of spending hours in the car, sleeping on a horrible futon, and being sociable all weekend also just sounds like a nightmare. Will have to postpone. I need my soft bed and my undemanding television. And I need to get well by Monday! I'm not taking a sick day on my first day of work. (You can see I care a lot less about infecting my new colleagues than my family.)

Thursday, May 16, 2013

So why DO we get fat?

later Thursday:

My zombie-fleeing friend told me that the original Zombies, Run! app (not the C25K one I have) doesn't actually require you to run, it is designed so you can walk as well -- you just have to speed up from whatever you were doing when a zombie appears. A brisker walk is fine. So I downloaded it today and am happy to have my zombies back. Unfortunately it hadn't finished downloading by the time I went out, but I'll use it to walk to work.

I walked half an hour to the hairdresser (and incidentally found it will take me about 20 mins to walk to work, where I start on Monday) through a chilly morning. I love the massage and the hair-washing. The hairdresser did what I asked and I think the cut is ok, but it's hard to tell at present because despite my saying at least twice that I don't like my hair straightened, she blow-dried it straight down beside my face. It really doesn't suit me. And two minutes after going back into the wind I was left with a mouthful of hair and a bird's nest on my head. I'll wait and see until I wash it next and get its natural wave back.

I went to the shops and found myself a pair of black work pants (yay!) and put them in to be shortened. Then had a lovely lunch at a Thai restaurant. It was a lunch special with rice and a chicken/vegetable dish, and when it came out it was so big my first thought was to take half home. But I ended up eating it all except I only had a little bit of the rice. On my tracker, I counted it as my own home-made stir fry plus extra meat, the cashews, the bit of rice, and presumably sugar in the sauce. So quite a lot more calories, really!

Then I walked home, another half an hour of briskness (carrying a backpack full of fruit this time), then into the afternoon routine of taking Child 2 to gymnastics, Child 1 to the library, home for a while, pick up Child 2, make dinner...

Since everyone else in the house loves pasta (so do I, for that matter) but I'm not eating it at the moment, I made myself a baked chicken breast and vegetables with really hot sauce. It was great! I didn't miss the pasta at all. As long as I make myself something yummy, I don't resent not eating stuff like that.

A book I picked up for myself at the library is Gary Taubes' Why We Get Fat and what to do about it, and although I don't like the title (it just seems a bit dumbed down) I am finding it fascinating. I should disclaim, first, that I don't necessarily believe everything I read -- it would be almost impossible these days as everything contradicts everything else. But I enjoy exploring the arguments. Anyway, Taubes argues that there isn't, and never has been, any evidence that either low calorie diets OR exercise do anything to help you lose weight. He looks at the original studies that this idea was based on and debunks them. I am only a quarter of the way through but he says up front in the Introduction that it's easily digested carbohydrates that are the problem, not the balance of calories in/calories out, because of their affect on hormones like insulin which then trigger you to get fat.

I have been convinced for quite a while that exercise -- while good for you in many ways including strength, endurance, and mood -- does not make me lose weight, but the idea that the number of calories I eat doesn't have relevance is a bit hard to get my head around. I will read on.

Wednesday, May 15, 2013



I feel so much more relaxed and happier these past couple of days since the work stress is over. I've done some dancing and some housework and some mooching around. I've organised/completed various things like a haircut (going today), check-up with my doctor, filling in long annoying forms that have been sitting around for ages, caught up on some TV I missed. I am so conflict-averse that dealing with a difficult client was really affecting me.

I just needed a repeat script from the doctor, my own was booked up for the week so I willingly saw someone else at the same clinic. My husband and I both like our doctor but lately I have felt she has been a bit dismissive of things important to me -- like when my blood sugar results came back in the pre-diabetic range she just told me to lose some weight, I had to use my own initiative to read lots of books and go to tutorials with the local diabetes association who took it seriously.

This doctor I saw yesterday was lovely. As is usual, even though she had all my notes and only needed my blood pressure to write my script, she went through some history with me since she hadn't seen me before. She was much more interested in things the other doctor didn't care about (girly stuff I won't go into) and also brought up the pre-diabetes thing and wants to send me for another test since it has been nearly a year (actually only about nine months). I'm going to do the oral glucose test again and also the test that somehow gives you a three month average of blood glucose levels.

Some people might prefer a doctor who just tells you not to worry, perfectly normal, but I prefer to take action early and know all my options. So I might just stick with this new doctor.

My eating is still going well, generally very clean all day but I have been having a bit of chocolate most evenings and that really should be a "sometimes food".

Monday, May 13, 2013



I know there have been quite a few non-weight-loss related posts this past week, but this is my place to vent.

I am about to cut ties with that difficult client, even though it will probably mean I won't get the second half of the payment. The stress is not worth the money, and I don't even know if I would get paid even if I spent another ten hours on it. (I've read their life story! Doesn't bode well.) They just did a completely unreasonable thing and acted like it was normal. I am so worked up right now with my stomach churning. I am awaiting their response to my disbelieving email but I think no matter what they say (and it's unlikely to be nice) I need to make this be over.

In other stressful news, my new employer wants referees from a "recognised company". I'm a freelance fiction editor. I work for individuals. I haven't worked in an office for more than ten years. We've already signed the contracts, so I have no idea if it is going to be a deal breaker. Whatever, I'd rather sit at home and watch TV anyway.

Not happy this morning.

Still not turning to food.

Getting glasses


I should say that I didn't mention my own mother yesterday, on Mother's Day, because we took her out to lunch when she was here a couple of weeks ago for Mother's Day and then we'll take her out again next weekend for her birthday. She lives some distance away but we see each other about once a month. My husband's mother died several years ago, and neither of us have grandmothers living.

Today I spent the morning at the shops trying to find some clothes to wear to work. After trying on a couple of tops and about seven pairs of black pants I gave up. I'll just go with what I have, which isn't much. I don't think it will be a very formal workplace but if I have to I can duck next door to the shops in my lunch break. If I lose a few kilograms I will fit into some more clothes that are currently too snug to wear.

I came home and had lunch then realised that a) I didn't have time to put on the casserole for dinner so it would be takeaway tonight and b) that I hadn't had any fluids yet. I quickly drank half a glass of water then dashed out again to the optometrist.

I was short-sighted as a child but didn't find out until I was about 11, I hadn't realised that other people could distinguish individual leaves on trees from a distance, not just a blur of green. Amazing! So I wore glasses then contacts until my early 20s when I had very successful Lasik surgery. I've had excellent vision ever since, until recently when I've felt that my distance vision wasn't as good as it used to be. My close vision is still great. So the optometrist tested my eyes in various ways and I don't "need" glasses (eg I'm allowed to drive without them) but I do have some degeneration so I've decided to get them for my own viewing comfort. I didn't realise they would take 2 weeks to make! And so expensive.

Then it was time to dash back to pick up the kids from school and take Child 2 to gymnastics, Child 1 to dance, pick up Child 2, get takeaway, pick up Child 1, go home and collapse. Ate way too much rotisserie chicken and chips. It was a healthy food day until then. No exercise today. I should have done some core clenches while getting air puffed into my eyes, and calf raises on the accelerator pedal.

Although isn't trying on clothes a good workout? For the overweight, anyway. I was hot and tired by the end of it.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Mother's Day, anniversary, and zooventure


Today was both Mother's Day and my 11th wedding anniversary. We started with presents, then my lovely husband made bacon and hash browns -- a huge breakfast for me but delicious. I usually have a very light breakfast and then morning tea, today I certainly wasn't hungry until lunch time. Part of the morning was spent dancing along to my new Kinect game, Dance Central 2. So I have a whole new set of songs to conquer! Excellent.

After a light lunch of salad and one chocolate each from the box the kids gave me, we went to the zoo. I'd been given a ZooVenture voucher for Christmas but hadn't found the time to use it until now. I was part of a group of about seven people who were taken on a guided tour of the zoo. We got to feed a tiger, a white lion and a cougar (with pieces of meat held through the bars on long-handled tongs), a brown bear (with an avocado and pawpaw mush slimed onto my hand), a giraffe and an emu (a piece of carrot each), pat a dingo, hold a python etc. The otters were the funniest, in that I was given some chunks of raw meat and then the keeper asked my kids if they wanted to feed the otters too. They and my husband had been trailing along behind the group taking photos but were not paid members of the tour. The kids said yes so the keeper gave them a tiny dead baby mouse each! They didn't seem to mind, I think some kids would have freaked out.

After we thoroughly washed our hands, we went out to dinner at a Thai restaurant. I had accidentally booked the wrong restaurant; it was a few doors down from the one we have been too before and I couldn't remember the name. I didn't realise until we got there. But it was great food. All fresh and healthy too, we didn't have anything deep fried and I only had a tiny scoop of rice. Overall, at this point I was probably within my calories for the day (hard to be sure with restaurant food). But we came home and had chocolate crème brulee for dessert. I had about 2/3 of mine, a whole one had something like 650 calories. A delicious indulgence. Lovely day.

Luckily it was a pretty active day with dance and walking around the zoo for two hours. Still feeling a bit overstuffed though.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Work stress


I've been very stressed all day. I'm not going to go into too much detail except that my current client has been very difficult to work with. On Friday I thought the final revisions were all done. Now the client has said they are not happy with my editing of their book. I feel that there has been some poor communication on their part and they are being unreasonable about some things but also I am unhappy with myself as I did rush the last stage because I really wanted this project to be over so I didn't have to interact with them any more.

I refused to work during the weekend, although I have before during this project (it's my wedding anniversary and Mother's Day!) and said I will go over it again next week. I considered just dumping them and forfeiting the second half of the money, but after six weeks work I have enough professional pride to want to get it right, and I do totally take ownership of my part of the problem. But the client has some freely-admitted psychological issues and I don't know if we will ever actually have resolution, or if I will get paid.

Oh well.

It has totally ruined my whole day, I've struggled to think about anything else. It keeps going round and round in my mind.

It the first time ever that a client hasn't been delighted with my work. I guess I'm having some rejection issues too! But mainly I just don't want to have to deal with six or seven emails a day any more.

But I didn't turn to food!

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Biggest non-scale victory ever in the history of the universe. Ever.


I turned down free chocolate today!

I was in the supermarket, shopping. It was morning tea time and I was quite hungry. A woman came past with a tray of a NEW variety of my FAVOURITE brand of chocolate (Lindt) and asked if I wanted to try a piece. Barely stopping to think about it, I said no thank you. She wandered off. I froze in disbelief/pride/horror.

I wanted to chase after her. I spent the next 10 minutes wavering about what I would do if she came past again.

It's not that I am against chocolate, it is still my treat of choice and I might even have some tonight. But someone offered me junk food that I hadn't factored into my day and I said no. Amazing. Always in the past I have said yes, tried as many varieties as were available, and then gone round again later hoping they wouldn't recognise me and give me some more.

I have definitely got that job, pending a security clearance which I don't anticipate any problems with. I feel less stressed now that it is settled. I start in a week. It won't be a formal work environment, but I still want to look nice so I will have to hunt through my clothes for suitable items that fit me.

Exercise has been completely out the window this week. I've been busy working and organising this next job, but I think I was mainly affected by stress about all of it. I didn't eat away my stress, but I didn't make the time to exercise it away either. I just stayed agitated.


more Thursday:

No-one has actually said 'congratulations, you have the job' but they've agreed to my pay and hours (after some negotiation, I started high) and we are at the stage of organising a security clearance so I am pretty much assuming I have this job. I think they are desperate for more people to get the project done in time, it's already been going for months.

As I said earlier today, although it is only a part time job for a couple of months, and I never really doubted my ability to get it, and it's not even in an area I am particularly interested in; it feels like a really big deal to me. I haven't worked in an office since August 2002, more than ten years ago. I realised today I have very few suitable clothes, I live in jeans and sneakers. How am I going to go shopping, and exercise, and do what minimal housework I usually do? How do other people manage? It's all kind of scary.

Worst of all my husband is away for work for a couple of days just as this is all happening, and I can't even contact him during the day. I didn't have him here to talk to about the decision, or show him the contract, or have his reassurance.

I keep telling myself that it will be fine, I used to work full time in an office (although I didn't have kids then!), I am good at my job, I'll shop after work/school with the kids, other people do it all the time. And if I hate it it's only until the end of June (or a bit longer). Maybe it will teach me to really appreciate freelancing from home!

My expected start date is Monday week so I still have a week to organise myself. The kids are going to go to after school care one day a week which they are really excited about and on the other days I'll be back in time to pick them up from school. The office is within walking distance, about half an hour each way. The pay is better than I make with fiction editing (I charge less for fiction than I do for business/government work), and with the extra hours I'll end up making quite a bit more money than usual. If they like me it will almost certainly lead to more work.

This is a good thing. Just scary.

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Farewell to the zombies, I'll miss you


Job stuff is going well, although I woke at 4am worrying about various things and took a couple of hours to switch off the brain and get back to sleep.

The first issue was my current client, I thought the work was nearly done then yesterday she sent me this 'new' version of her manuscript with some more additions scattered through it -- all garbled and full of spelling and continuity errors. I really didn't want to have to edit the whole thing again! But she called me today to apologise, she had just had surgery and was still dopey after general anaesthetic when she wrote and sent that (she said she also sent some really weird emails to her sister). So I only ended up wasting an hour on that and I was very happy that it was resolved.

I had my interview for the government contract today. I couldn't get Skype working properly; I could see them but they couldn't see me. We went ahead with it anyway and we're progressing to the next stage so it looks like it will probably happen.

This is kind of a big deal to me in the sense that I have been working from home for years now. My time is completely my own to arrange, but on the other hand I don't see other adults very much which can be lonely. So when someone I respect recommended me for this job (she would be my boss) I decided to go for it. I would be working longer hours than I am used to (still part time school hours) because there would be no excuse to go and stack the dishwasher or cook an elaborate lunch or ... exercise during the day.

We are heading into winter so the only time I would want to run would be during the day. Early morning (which I hate anyway) or after my husband gets home from work (also scared of the dark) would be too cold. I was walking the kids to school this morning, after four days off running, noticing I had no pain in my shins or feet or anywhere else and decided to give up running. I've been resisting being a quitter, but I think my commendable determination had turned into stupid pigheadedness. It was hurting every time (and not in a good way), I didn't like it, the residual pain meant I wasn't exercising at all on in-between days, I was showing hardly any improvement, and now I'd have to do it in sub-freezing temperatures.

So I think it will be back to dancing, which I actually enjoy. And I'll walk to work every day too (if they hire me) which will be an hour total each day. I feel a little sad about 'giving up' but I think it is the right decision. I will miss those zombies. Maybe I'll try again when I am lighter, so there is less weight on my joints.

If I do start this job in a bit over a week, I'm not sure what to take for lunch. Salads + protein I guess. It can be tricky when you are used to relying on carbs, or else being able to spend time preparing and cooking. Today I made a kind of quinoa 'fried rice' (no actual rice, just quinoa, chicken and finely chopped vegetables, stir fried in olive oil and with a good squeeze of lemon juice to finish). I suppose I could pre-cook stuff like that and warm it in the microwave there. Every workplace has a microwave these days, right? They better have tea-making facilities or I'm not going.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Sugar and Satan


Day two of eating excellently well. I don't claim perfection (not sure what that would mean, anyway); I've had a bit of salad dressing, and some oyster sauce and soy sauce. And also two squares of dark chocolate. So if I was going for utterly nothing processed and no sugar whatsoever I would have failed. But I'm not. So I didn't.

My days are currently revolving around work things, some of which are a bit frustrating. I finished editing a manuscript and sent it back to the author. She asked me to make a few changes/additions (I always expect some revision, and allow time for that) so I did that today. And half an hour after she got the manuscript she sent an email asking could I please make the changes to the attached new version instead. So basically a day's work down the drain. Not very happy about that. I shall be investigating some way of quickly comparing two documents so I can find the changes. And she wants to send it to the publisher on Friday. And she hasn't responded to all my queries yet. (Punches mouse-pad.)

Then tomorrow I have a Skype interview for a short-term government position (still as an editor). I like the idea of working in a office with other people for a couple of months instead of at home alone. And I know and like the woman who would be my supervisor. My husband has Skype on his computer but I have never used it and I usually even leave the room when he does -- I hate it. I look horrible on screen and I don't like people watching me. Why I feel different when it's through a camera than if they were just there in the room with me, I don't know.

And my husband is away tonight so he was trying to explain to me over the phone how to get it to work. Still having problems that I have to sort out by tomorrow! I might have to call a friend over tonight to help me. I'm definitely not tech savvy. So I'm stressed about that.

My foot still hurts whenever I walk. Maybe I should see a physio about it. Of course if I do get this job, suddenly all my plans to do stuff like that and go to the hairdresser and get the gate fixed and all that will be delayed.

My subconscious has decided that sugar is literally the devil. I dreamed last night that I was at a children's party where the hostess put out trays and bowls of lollies and chocolates for the parents, and I was hoeing in. And putting more in a party bag to take home (actually the "party bag" was an empty wine bottle, so there is more symbolism for you). Then it all segued into my being in a Satanist church (it was all Gothic and this stone image of Satan lunged at me which was scary) -- apparently I was there to bring them down from within, but I was rather concerned that my iPhone playing "Affirmation" would blow my cover. Anyway, the two parts of the dream seemed linked at the time. Sugar is evil!

I really am about to take my daughter to a birthday party this afternoon. But I will decline all offers of cake.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Tuesday is the new Monday


I was in the mood to get back on track with eating this morning. I generally become angelic briefly on Mondays, but I wasn't going to wait nearly a week to get started. Feeling serious about it again. Weight gradually creeping up.

So I was (approximately) 79kg this morning. I'm back on no sugar or processed carbs. Lots of fruit and vegetables. Working on drinking more water, as usual.

I was due for a zombie run today but I'm putting it off until tomorrow. My right foot has been hurting every time I walk more than about 100 meters for the past few days. I've had this pain occasionally for years, but always before it's been at random intervals, maybe two or three times a year. Now it's every time; walking the kids to school, doing to shopping etc. It's not a really bad pain and it stops after 5 mins or so (even if I keep walking), but it is uncomfortable and I'm worried about making it worse. I'll just do some gentle exercise today, not pounding the pavement.

I'm feeling pretty pumped about how well I am eating today, I even threw out the left-overs of a chocolate cake. And had my tea without sugar.

Sunday, May 5, 2013



I've always struggled with breakfast. I'd been eating Cruskits with vegemite for years, but about a year ago when I got worried about my blood sugar I stopped eating them because they are high GI. Then began the search for a replacement.

I tried steel-cut oats and rolled oats and instant oats. (I found one flavour I liked so they took it off the market.) I tried other cereals. I tried fruit. I tried toast with various toppings (I rather liked the toasted cheese, but felt it was a bit fatty for every day). I went through a phase of having a cucumber every morning. I tried not eating until after I'd taken the kids to school so my stomach could wake up first, but got too hungry and made bad choices. I tried yoghurt with fruit mixed in (they took the only brand I liked off the market as soon as I found it). I tried left-overs. I tried making my favourite soup specially the day before. Even if I had time to cook every day, I don't think bacon and eggs would be a healthy regular choice, and eggs by themselves do not appeal to me at all.

Most things were difficult to worry down, or upset my stomach. I think it just takes a while to wake up in the morning.

So last week I gave in and bought Cruskits again. My blood sugar has been good lately and it was fine two hours after the Cruskits.

But I can't help noticing that about an hour after breakfast I am starving. Much hungrier than if I hadn't eaten anything at all for breakfast. And hungry for carbs and sugar. And if I have a bad morning tea, that leads into a bad lunch etc as my cravings grow and grow.

So obviously this isn't the answer to my breakfast issues.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Snatching victory from under the noses/noseless face holes of the zombies

more Saturday:

I finally did week 4 day 3 of my Zombies, Run! training app, which means I am now half way through the course. Rather surreal considering I am still not running more than 60 seconds at a time. Maybe my free running is not up to scratch as I only continue the same walk/run.

Today I saved the life of injured Runner 6 by luring the zombies away and making them chase me, so at least the effort was worth something.

As usual it hurt my shins and I didn't enjoy it blah blah. Still sticking with it. I mostly ran on the footpath with a couple of laps of the smooth oval. It certainly felt a lot gentler on the shins. Maybe I should alternate or something. But I think a big problem today was that it had been five days since my last run and I hadn't even been keeping up my stretches in between. Need to look after myself.

Friday, May 3, 2013



I've been desperately finishing a project the last couple of days; working until 10.15 on Thursday and 11.55 last night. But it's done.

No exercise, and I've been fuelling myself with chocolate, tea, and even Coke (I never usually drink soft drink, don't like the stuff, but I needed the caffeine).

But now we return to our usual programming.