Friday, June 24, 2016

Common cold


Well I've come down with something (most likely the common cold) which might explain why I've felt extra listless the past couple of days. I'm sure I'll survive it, and on the bright side there are still eight days to my birthday so I should be better by then.

I did as little as possible today - buying essential groceries and cooking dinner. Aside from that I read, had cups of tea, watched TV and played computer games. If it wasn't for an aching face and sore throat, that would be a pretty much perfect day in my book!

I cooked steaks for dinner, chosen for ease of preparation, and only then noticed that the tray of T-bones was labelled "diced pork". I did think it seemed very cheap at the time, so I don't think I will be asking for an anti-refund! I wonder how many steaks were mis-labelled.

As I was writing that a friend from Canberra who had since moved to Darwin (far north of Australia, long way from here) called to ask if I could go to the airport next week to supervise her daughter (who is 12 like Jasmine) changing planes here and having to wait at the airport alone for an hour or so. Bella and Jas used to play together so it would be nice for them to meet up. Unfortunately Jasmine has a party that afternoon and can't go and that is the main reason Janet asked me, I said I still would if she needed me but it would be me and Aiden without Jas. She'll probably get a relative to go. I'd rather not go, it would be a bit of a hassle, but on the other hand it is nice to be useful and feel like you're helping someone and keeping little Bella safe, I'll certainly do it if she wants me to.

Thursday, June 23, 2016



Today I wonder why I even bother trying to write. My book is rubbish, my writing is rubbish... even if I ever get it finished, no publisher will ever take it. Arg and bleurg.

Wednesday, June 22, 2016



It turns out people who want to track macros with a Fitbit use the MyFitnessPal app and it syncs. Lots of complaints about it on the Fitbit forums! You'd think it would be a relatively easy thing to add. Anyway. I haven't put mine back on, not sure what I'm going to do there.

I was really struggling again today and the only reason I ate well for most of the day was that I wasn't sure what time the TV man was coming back so I couldn't leave the house to go out and buy junk! (He came around 2:00, TV is fixed now.) But in the evening I couldn't face cooking - especially a healthy portion of healthy food - so I took the kids out to get KFC. I keep imagining it will be somehow better than it is. Greasy and yuck. But I ate a lot of it. And I actually feel better, so go figure. And the kids were happy. Tim will not be pleased with his oily chicken and limp chips when he gets home.

Tuesday, June 21, 2016



I think night sweats are worse in winter. At least in summer you dry out quickly. In winter you either get up and change your pyjamas or you get all cold and clammy. I wasn't keen on having a shower at 2am, but I probably would have been more comfortable for the rest of the night if I had.

The TV man came today. He got it going temporarily but has to bring a new part tomorrow.

I just coded my dinner in the Fitbit tracker and realised that it doesn't show any macros! How many carbs etc. Only calories in (and calories burned). Bummer. Since I don't find it comfortable and I'm not trying to beat my own walking record or anything, I might stop using it again. I prefer the food tracker I was using before, CalorieKing, which breaks everything down into protein, carbs etc. It's a Fitbit Charge HR, so if anyone knows something I've missed about how to see more info, please let me know.

Oh well, second healthy eating day in a row.

B: leftover broccoli cheese, tea.
L: satay chicken and vegetables with quinoa, tea.
S: apple.
D: beef fajitas (one mini tortilla, the rest in lettuce leaves).
S: vegetable soup.

... that Fitbit thing put me in a bit of a snit, I took it off (decided to charge it instead of tossing it in a drawer, but still) and went into a sulk and spent the rest of the evening wrestling with food. In my defence it is that time of the month (and with uterine fibroids, that time of the month is supercharged). So I ate some dark chocolate. Still within my calories, so tried to convince myself that I was still on my diet. Cashews. More chocolate. Cheese and crackers. Fail.

Monday, June 20, 2016

Six years


Six years ago today I started this blog with "12 days of hell" as I went to the gym every morning leading up to my 40th birthday. I did stick to healthy living for those 12 days, but obviously it didn't last for the following six years.

This morning I weighed 81.8 kg, down from 82.2 last week. (six years ago I started at 83.1, so not much difference really).

Twelve days to my 46th birthday, twelve days of healthy living (then a couple of days off)! I'll be doing something similar to the eight week BSD that I was on before, but a few more carbs so I don't get miserable. I've been wearing my Fitbit for a few days now but haven't been tracking food - started that today. I've had some problems with the band rubbing my wrist, in the past, so I'm trialling wearing it on my other wrist at night and swapping back in the morning.

I've set it for 5000 steps which is all I can manage at the moment.

I did the shopping this morning, no nasties in my trolley today. I zoomed around because I had to rush home to see Game of Thrones, which airs here simultaneously with the US so that is 11am Monday here. Gruesome episode.

I've finished that book "Big Brother", it is about obesity but also about relationships and self image and lots of other things. Really good. I keep seeing paragraphs I want to quote at you! Like how she feels really virtuous when she is on a diet, how she knows that weight doesn't define self worth but she kind-of believes it does anyway, how she's realised that weight loss isn't magic and even if she can get her brother thin again his life will still suck if he doesn't change other things (instead of sitting at home, unemployed, watching TV).

B: yoghurt and passionfruit, tea.
L: chicken and salad, tea.
S: vegetable soup.
D: chicken and vegetable satay with quinoa.
S: banana.

Sunday, June 19, 2016



Yesterday we had lunch with family before going to see the movie "Warcraft". We took the kids even though it was rated M, even Harry Potter movies are rated M. We all play the computer game that it was based on, World of Warcraft. It was quite a good movie, not stellar. Everyone seems to agree that it would be a bit confusing if you don't play the game. I ate m&ms in the movies but did not partake of the ice cream everyone else had afterwards. Ice cream is ok, not my passion, not something I want to spend calories on in winter.

I went to bed really early, exhausted. Had two sessions of night sweats paired with bad dreams. Got up exhausted this morning. Pelvic pain, sore foot, no sleep, headache, feeling sorry for myself today. Cranky with my fitbit that tells me yay you got 10 hours 20 mins sleep! Really, fitbit? I may have been lying quietly in bed that long, doesn't mean I got a restful night!

On to nicer topics, today was a birthday lunch at a café, the booking was for 1:30pm so by the time everyone gets there (through pouring rain), reconnects with other guests, orders, it was 2:30 by the time we got any food. Very late lunch for me! But it was nice food, and good company. We stood around chatting for a while afterwards.

When we got home we finished off watching the last Hobbit movie. Next weekend we'll start the Lord of the Rings saga.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Big Brother


I picked up a book at the library today, "Big Brother" by Lionel Shriver who wrote the brilliant but disturbing book "We Need to Talk About Kevin" (from the point of view of a mother of a teenage boy who kills a lot of students at his school in a mass shooting). I've only started this one, but it is really interesting so far. It's about obesity and relationships. The main character is stuck between a food-Nazi husband and a brother who has recently become frighteningly obese. She doesn't know how to help him, which I think is a problem for the family of many people with self-destructive behaviours. In the first few pages of the book she rambles about our relationship with food and this paragraph really struck me for some reason:

'Food is by nature elusive. More concept than substance, food is the idea of satisfaction, far more powerful than satisfaction itself, which is why diet can exert the sway of religion or political zealotry. Not irresistible tastiness but the very failure of food to reward is what drives us to eat more of it. The most sumptuous experience of ingestion is in-between: remembering the last bite and looking forward to the next one.'

I think about food a lot but confusingly try to distract myself as much as possible while actually eating - I read or watch TV or both. I have tried eating mindfully, enjoying every bite, and hate it. Eating bores me and makes me uncomfortable. I also don't really like it as a social occasion - watching and listening to other people eat? Why would that be pleasurable? My ideal meal is alone, with a book that will stay open more or less by itself so I can use knife and fork. I don't know why this is.