Saturday:
Huge carb cravings yesterday. Maybe because it was a really cold day, maybe because I've been reading a book about how bad carbs are for me (which of course made me think about them), partly because I scratched my eyeball first thing in the morning and spent the next four hours with a very sore eye and was squinting and blinking with tears running down my face, and now I think maybe because I was coming down with a cold.
For whatever reason/s, I spent the whole day fighting off cravings to eat sugary carbohydrates. Then in the evening (straight after dinner, when I wasn't even hungry) I caved and ate two slices of bread slathered in butter, some chocolate, and then half a bag of Doritos and a cider.
I spent the evening exhausted and with a headache, which I thought at the time could be because of my binge, but woke this morning with a sore throat and feeling generally yuck and I think I have a cold. I was hoping I'd feel better once I'd been up for a while, but I'm definitely getting worse. We had big plans for this weekend but I think I'm going to have to stay home which is a bummer. I could drag myself around, but I worry about passing on germs to my aging mother and my baby niece, amongst others. The thought of spending hours in the car, sleeping on a horrible futon, and being sociable all weekend also just sounds like a nightmare. Will have to postpone. I need my soft bed and my undemanding television. And I need to get well by Monday! I'm not taking a sick day on my first day of work. (You can see I care a lot less about infecting my new colleagues than my family.)
Friday, May 17, 2013
Thursday, May 16, 2013
So why DO we get fat?
later Thursday:
My zombie-fleeing friend told me that the original Zombies, Run! app (not the C25K one I have) doesn't actually require you to run, it is designed so you can walk as well -- you just have to speed up from whatever you were doing when a zombie appears. A brisker walk is fine. So I downloaded it today and am happy to have my zombies back. Unfortunately it hadn't finished downloading by the time I went out, but I'll use it to walk to work.
I walked half an hour to the hairdresser (and incidentally found it will take me about 20 mins to walk to work, where I start on Monday) through a chilly morning. I love the massage and the hair-washing. The hairdresser did what I asked and I think the cut is ok, but it's hard to tell at present because despite my saying at least twice that I don't like my hair straightened, she blow-dried it straight down beside my face. It really doesn't suit me. And two minutes after going back into the wind I was left with a mouthful of hair and a bird's nest on my head. I'll wait and see until I wash it next and get its natural wave back.
I went to the shops and found myself a pair of black work pants (yay!) and put them in to be shortened. Then had a lovely lunch at a Thai restaurant. It was a lunch special with rice and a chicken/vegetable dish, and when it came out it was so big my first thought was to take half home. But I ended up eating it all except I only had a little bit of the rice. On my tracker, I counted it as my own home-made stir fry plus extra meat, the cashews, the bit of rice, and presumably sugar in the sauce. So quite a lot more calories, really!
Then I walked home, another half an hour of briskness (carrying a backpack full of fruit this time), then into the afternoon routine of taking Child 2 to gymnastics, Child 1 to the library, home for a while, pick up Child 2, make dinner...
Since everyone else in the house loves pasta (so do I, for that matter) but I'm not eating it at the moment, I made myself a baked chicken breast and vegetables with really hot sauce. It was great! I didn't miss the pasta at all. As long as I make myself something yummy, I don't resent not eating stuff like that.
A book I picked up for myself at the library is Gary Taubes' Why We Get Fat and what to do about it, and although I don't like the title (it just seems a bit dumbed down) I am finding it fascinating. I should disclaim, first, that I don't necessarily believe everything I read -- it would be almost impossible these days as everything contradicts everything else. But I enjoy exploring the arguments. Anyway, Taubes argues that there isn't, and never has been, any evidence that either low calorie diets OR exercise do anything to help you lose weight. He looks at the original studies that this idea was based on and debunks them. I am only a quarter of the way through but he says up front in the Introduction that it's easily digested carbohydrates that are the problem, not the balance of calories in/calories out, because of their affect on hormones like insulin which then trigger you to get fat.
I have been convinced for quite a while that exercise -- while good for you in many ways including strength, endurance, and mood -- does not make me lose weight, but the idea that the number of calories I eat doesn't have relevance is a bit hard to get my head around. I will read on.
My zombie-fleeing friend told me that the original Zombies, Run! app (not the C25K one I have) doesn't actually require you to run, it is designed so you can walk as well -- you just have to speed up from whatever you were doing when a zombie appears. A brisker walk is fine. So I downloaded it today and am happy to have my zombies back. Unfortunately it hadn't finished downloading by the time I went out, but I'll use it to walk to work.
I walked half an hour to the hairdresser (and incidentally found it will take me about 20 mins to walk to work, where I start on Monday) through a chilly morning. I love the massage and the hair-washing. The hairdresser did what I asked and I think the cut is ok, but it's hard to tell at present because despite my saying at least twice that I don't like my hair straightened, she blow-dried it straight down beside my face. It really doesn't suit me. And two minutes after going back into the wind I was left with a mouthful of hair and a bird's nest on my head. I'll wait and see until I wash it next and get its natural wave back.
I went to the shops and found myself a pair of black work pants (yay!) and put them in to be shortened. Then had a lovely lunch at a Thai restaurant. It was a lunch special with rice and a chicken/vegetable dish, and when it came out it was so big my first thought was to take half home. But I ended up eating it all except I only had a little bit of the rice. On my tracker, I counted it as my own home-made stir fry plus extra meat, the cashews, the bit of rice, and presumably sugar in the sauce. So quite a lot more calories, really!
Then I walked home, another half an hour of briskness (carrying a backpack full of fruit this time), then into the afternoon routine of taking Child 2 to gymnastics, Child 1 to the library, home for a while, pick up Child 2, make dinner...
Since everyone else in the house loves pasta (so do I, for that matter) but I'm not eating it at the moment, I made myself a baked chicken breast and vegetables with really hot sauce. It was great! I didn't miss the pasta at all. As long as I make myself something yummy, I don't resent not eating stuff like that.
A book I picked up for myself at the library is Gary Taubes' Why We Get Fat and what to do about it, and although I don't like the title (it just seems a bit dumbed down) I am finding it fascinating. I should disclaim, first, that I don't necessarily believe everything I read -- it would be almost impossible these days as everything contradicts everything else. But I enjoy exploring the arguments. Anyway, Taubes argues that there isn't, and never has been, any evidence that either low calorie diets OR exercise do anything to help you lose weight. He looks at the original studies that this idea was based on and debunks them. I am only a quarter of the way through but he says up front in the Introduction that it's easily digested carbohydrates that are the problem, not the balance of calories in/calories out, because of their affect on hormones like insulin which then trigger you to get fat.
I have been convinced for quite a while that exercise -- while good for you in many ways including strength, endurance, and mood -- does not make me lose weight, but the idea that the number of calories I eat doesn't have relevance is a bit hard to get my head around. I will read on.
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Relaxed
Thursday:
I feel so much more relaxed and happier these past couple of days since the work stress is over. I've done some dancing and some housework and some mooching around. I've organised/completed various things like a haircut (going today), check-up with my doctor, filling in long annoying forms that have been sitting around for ages, caught up on some TV I missed. I am so conflict-averse that dealing with a difficult client was really affecting me.
I just needed a repeat script from the doctor, my own was booked up for the week so I willingly saw someone else at the same clinic. My husband and I both like our doctor but lately I have felt she has been a bit dismissive of things important to me -- like when my blood sugar results came back in the pre-diabetic range she just told me to lose some weight, I had to use my own initiative to read lots of books and go to tutorials with the local diabetes association who took it seriously.
This doctor I saw yesterday was lovely. As is usual, even though she had all my notes and only needed my blood pressure to write my script, she went through some history with me since she hadn't seen me before. She was much more interested in things the other doctor didn't care about (girly stuff I won't go into) and also brought up the pre-diabetes thing and wants to send me for another test since it has been nearly a year (actually only about nine months). I'm going to do the oral glucose test again and also the test that somehow gives you a three month average of blood glucose levels.
Some people might prefer a doctor who just tells you not to worry, perfectly normal, but I prefer to take action early and know all my options. So I might just stick with this new doctor.
My eating is still going well, generally very clean all day but I have been having a bit of chocolate most evenings and that really should be a "sometimes food".
I feel so much more relaxed and happier these past couple of days since the work stress is over. I've done some dancing and some housework and some mooching around. I've organised/completed various things like a haircut (going today), check-up with my doctor, filling in long annoying forms that have been sitting around for ages, caught up on some TV I missed. I am so conflict-averse that dealing with a difficult client was really affecting me.
I just needed a repeat script from the doctor, my own was booked up for the week so I willingly saw someone else at the same clinic. My husband and I both like our doctor but lately I have felt she has been a bit dismissive of things important to me -- like when my blood sugar results came back in the pre-diabetic range she just told me to lose some weight, I had to use my own initiative to read lots of books and go to tutorials with the local diabetes association who took it seriously.
This doctor I saw yesterday was lovely. As is usual, even though she had all my notes and only needed my blood pressure to write my script, she went through some history with me since she hadn't seen me before. She was much more interested in things the other doctor didn't care about (girly stuff I won't go into) and also brought up the pre-diabetes thing and wants to send me for another test since it has been nearly a year (actually only about nine months). I'm going to do the oral glucose test again and also the test that somehow gives you a three month average of blood glucose levels.
Some people might prefer a doctor who just tells you not to worry, perfectly normal, but I prefer to take action early and know all my options. So I might just stick with this new doctor.
My eating is still going well, generally very clean all day but I have been having a bit of chocolate most evenings and that really should be a "sometimes food".
Monday, May 13, 2013
Arg!
Tuesday:
I know there have been quite a few non-weight-loss related posts this past week, but this is my place to vent.
I am about to cut ties with that difficult client, even though it will probably mean I won't get the second half of the payment. The stress is not worth the money, and I don't even know if I would get paid even if I spent another ten hours on it. (I've read their life story! Doesn't bode well.) They just did a completely unreasonable thing and acted like it was normal. I am so worked up right now with my stomach churning. I am awaiting their response to my disbelieving email but I think no matter what they say (and it's unlikely to be nice) I need to make this be over.
In other stressful news, my new employer wants referees from a "recognised company". I'm a freelance fiction editor. I work for individuals. I haven't worked in an office for more than ten years. We've already signed the contracts, so I have no idea if it is going to be a deal breaker. Whatever, I'd rather sit at home and watch TV anyway.
Not happy this morning.
Still not turning to food.
I know there have been quite a few non-weight-loss related posts this past week, but this is my place to vent.
I am about to cut ties with that difficult client, even though it will probably mean I won't get the second half of the payment. The stress is not worth the money, and I don't even know if I would get paid even if I spent another ten hours on it. (I've read their life story! Doesn't bode well.) They just did a completely unreasonable thing and acted like it was normal. I am so worked up right now with my stomach churning. I am awaiting their response to my disbelieving email but I think no matter what they say (and it's unlikely to be nice) I need to make this be over.
In other stressful news, my new employer wants referees from a "recognised company". I'm a freelance fiction editor. I work for individuals. I haven't worked in an office for more than ten years. We've already signed the contracts, so I have no idea if it is going to be a deal breaker. Whatever, I'd rather sit at home and watch TV anyway.
Not happy this morning.
Still not turning to food.
Getting glasses
Monday:
I should say that I didn't mention my own mother yesterday, on Mother's Day, because we took her out to lunch when she was here a couple of weeks ago for Mother's Day and then we'll take her out again next weekend for her birthday. She lives some distance away but we see each other about once a month. My husband's mother died several years ago, and neither of us have grandmothers living.
Today I spent the morning at the shops trying to find some clothes to wear to work. After trying on a couple of tops and about seven pairs of black pants I gave up. I'll just go with what I have, which isn't much. I don't think it will be a very formal workplace but if I have to I can duck next door to the shops in my lunch break. If I lose a few kilograms I will fit into some more clothes that are currently too snug to wear.
I came home and had lunch then realised that a) I didn't have time to put on the casserole for dinner so it would be takeaway tonight and b) that I hadn't had any fluids yet. I quickly drank half a glass of water then dashed out again to the optometrist.
I was short-sighted as a child but didn't find out until I was about 11, I hadn't realised that other people could distinguish individual leaves on trees from a distance, not just a blur of green. Amazing! So I wore glasses then contacts until my early 20s when I had very successful Lasik surgery. I've had excellent vision ever since, until recently when I've felt that my distance vision wasn't as good as it used to be. My close vision is still great. So the optometrist tested my eyes in various ways and I don't "need" glasses (eg I'm allowed to drive without them) but I do have some degeneration so I've decided to get them for my own viewing comfort. I didn't realise they would take 2 weeks to make! And so expensive.
Then it was time to dash back to pick up the kids from school and take Child 2 to gymnastics, Child 1 to dance, pick up Child 2, get takeaway, pick up Child 1, go home and collapse. Ate way too much rotisserie chicken and chips. It was a healthy food day until then. No exercise today. I should have done some core clenches while getting air puffed into my eyes, and calf raises on the accelerator pedal.
Although isn't trying on clothes a good workout? For the overweight, anyway. I was hot and tired by the end of it.
I should say that I didn't mention my own mother yesterday, on Mother's Day, because we took her out to lunch when she was here a couple of weeks ago for Mother's Day and then we'll take her out again next weekend for her birthday. She lives some distance away but we see each other about once a month. My husband's mother died several years ago, and neither of us have grandmothers living.
Today I spent the morning at the shops trying to find some clothes to wear to work. After trying on a couple of tops and about seven pairs of black pants I gave up. I'll just go with what I have, which isn't much. I don't think it will be a very formal workplace but if I have to I can duck next door to the shops in my lunch break. If I lose a few kilograms I will fit into some more clothes that are currently too snug to wear.
I came home and had lunch then realised that a) I didn't have time to put on the casserole for dinner so it would be takeaway tonight and b) that I hadn't had any fluids yet. I quickly drank half a glass of water then dashed out again to the optometrist.
I was short-sighted as a child but didn't find out until I was about 11, I hadn't realised that other people could distinguish individual leaves on trees from a distance, not just a blur of green. Amazing! So I wore glasses then contacts until my early 20s when I had very successful Lasik surgery. I've had excellent vision ever since, until recently when I've felt that my distance vision wasn't as good as it used to be. My close vision is still great. So the optometrist tested my eyes in various ways and I don't "need" glasses (eg I'm allowed to drive without them) but I do have some degeneration so I've decided to get them for my own viewing comfort. I didn't realise they would take 2 weeks to make! And so expensive.
Then it was time to dash back to pick up the kids from school and take Child 2 to gymnastics, Child 1 to dance, pick up Child 2, get takeaway, pick up Child 1, go home and collapse. Ate way too much rotisserie chicken and chips. It was a healthy food day until then. No exercise today. I should have done some core clenches while getting air puffed into my eyes, and calf raises on the accelerator pedal.
Although isn't trying on clothes a good workout? For the overweight, anyway. I was hot and tired by the end of it.
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Mother's Day, anniversary, and zooventure
Sunday:
Today was both Mother's Day and my 11th wedding anniversary. We started with presents, then my lovely husband made bacon and hash browns -- a huge breakfast for me but delicious. I usually have a very light breakfast and then morning tea, today I certainly wasn't hungry until lunch time. Part of the morning was spent dancing along to my new Kinect game, Dance Central 2. So I have a whole new set of songs to conquer! Excellent.
After a light lunch of salad and one chocolate each from the box the kids gave me, we went to the zoo. I'd been given a ZooVenture voucher for Christmas but hadn't found the time to use it until now. I was part of a group of about seven people who were taken on a guided tour of the zoo. We got to feed a tiger, a white lion and a cougar (with pieces of meat held through the bars on long-handled tongs), a brown bear (with an avocado and pawpaw mush slimed onto my hand), a giraffe and an emu (a piece of carrot each), pat a dingo, hold a python etc. The otters were the funniest, in that I was given some chunks of raw meat and then the keeper asked my kids if they wanted to feed the otters too. They and my husband had been trailing along behind the group taking photos but were not paid members of the tour. The kids said yes so the keeper gave them a tiny dead baby mouse each! They didn't seem to mind, I think some kids would have freaked out.
After we thoroughly washed our hands, we went out to dinner at a Thai restaurant. I had accidentally booked the wrong restaurant; it was a few doors down from the one we have been too before and I couldn't remember the name. I didn't realise until we got there. But it was great food. All fresh and healthy too, we didn't have anything deep fried and I only had a tiny scoop of rice. Overall, at this point I was probably within my calories for the day (hard to be sure with restaurant food). But we came home and had chocolate crème brulee for dessert. I had about 2/3 of mine, a whole one had something like 650 calories. A delicious indulgence. Lovely day.
Luckily it was a pretty active day with dance and walking around the zoo for two hours. Still feeling a bit overstuffed though.
Today was both Mother's Day and my 11th wedding anniversary. We started with presents, then my lovely husband made bacon and hash browns -- a huge breakfast for me but delicious. I usually have a very light breakfast and then morning tea, today I certainly wasn't hungry until lunch time. Part of the morning was spent dancing along to my new Kinect game, Dance Central 2. So I have a whole new set of songs to conquer! Excellent.
After a light lunch of salad and one chocolate each from the box the kids gave me, we went to the zoo. I'd been given a ZooVenture voucher for Christmas but hadn't found the time to use it until now. I was part of a group of about seven people who were taken on a guided tour of the zoo. We got to feed a tiger, a white lion and a cougar (with pieces of meat held through the bars on long-handled tongs), a brown bear (with an avocado and pawpaw mush slimed onto my hand), a giraffe and an emu (a piece of carrot each), pat a dingo, hold a python etc. The otters were the funniest, in that I was given some chunks of raw meat and then the keeper asked my kids if they wanted to feed the otters too. They and my husband had been trailing along behind the group taking photos but were not paid members of the tour. The kids said yes so the keeper gave them a tiny dead baby mouse each! They didn't seem to mind, I think some kids would have freaked out.
After we thoroughly washed our hands, we went out to dinner at a Thai restaurant. I had accidentally booked the wrong restaurant; it was a few doors down from the one we have been too before and I couldn't remember the name. I didn't realise until we got there. But it was great food. All fresh and healthy too, we didn't have anything deep fried and I only had a tiny scoop of rice. Overall, at this point I was probably within my calories for the day (hard to be sure with restaurant food). But we came home and had chocolate crème brulee for dessert. I had about 2/3 of mine, a whole one had something like 650 calories. A delicious indulgence. Lovely day.
Luckily it was a pretty active day with dance and walking around the zoo for two hours. Still feeling a bit overstuffed though.
Saturday, May 11, 2013
Work stress
Saturday:
I've been very stressed all day. I'm not going to go into too much detail except that my current client has been very difficult to work with. On Friday I thought the final revisions were all done. Now the client has said they are not happy with my editing of their book. I feel that there has been some poor communication on their part and they are being unreasonable about some things but also I am unhappy with myself as I did rush the last stage because I really wanted this project to be over so I didn't have to interact with them any more.
I refused to work during the weekend, although I have before during this project (it's my wedding anniversary and Mother's Day!) and said I will go over it again next week. I considered just dumping them and forfeiting the second half of the money, but after six weeks work I have enough professional pride to want to get it right, and I do totally take ownership of my part of the problem. But the client has some freely-admitted psychological issues and I don't know if we will ever actually have resolution, or if I will get paid.
Oh well.
It has totally ruined my whole day, I've struggled to think about anything else. It keeps going round and round in my mind.
It the first time ever that a client hasn't been delighted with my work. I guess I'm having some rejection issues too! But mainly I just don't want to have to deal with six or seven emails a day any more.
But I didn't turn to food!
I've been very stressed all day. I'm not going to go into too much detail except that my current client has been very difficult to work with. On Friday I thought the final revisions were all done. Now the client has said they are not happy with my editing of their book. I feel that there has been some poor communication on their part and they are being unreasonable about some things but also I am unhappy with myself as I did rush the last stage because I really wanted this project to be over so I didn't have to interact with them any more.
I refused to work during the weekend, although I have before during this project (it's my wedding anniversary and Mother's Day!) and said I will go over it again next week. I considered just dumping them and forfeiting the second half of the money, but after six weeks work I have enough professional pride to want to get it right, and I do totally take ownership of my part of the problem. But the client has some freely-admitted psychological issues and I don't know if we will ever actually have resolution, or if I will get paid.
Oh well.
It has totally ruined my whole day, I've struggled to think about anything else. It keeps going round and round in my mind.
It the first time ever that a client hasn't been delighted with my work. I guess I'm having some rejection issues too! But mainly I just don't want to have to deal with six or seven emails a day any more.
But I didn't turn to food!
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