Sunday, March 29, 2015

Slumped

Sunday:

Half of today in bed, the other half slumped in front of the TV. I won't revolt you with a list of symptoms. Tim had to take Jasmine clothes shopping for a few things she needs for camp. I've kept up the water intake. Looking forward to my cool pillow under my hot head.

Friday, March 27, 2015

Another funeral

Saturday:

We travelled to Sydney yesterday for my aunt's funeral. It was sad but went ok. Such a shock that she died. She was always so fit and healthy, yet she was outlived by her husband who smoked much of his life, is a heavy drinker, and who had a stroke a couple of years ago. And outlived by her own father, who is about to turn 97 and still lives in his own home.

My brother didn't turn up and I don't know if he even knows she has died. He is not easy to get in contact with. Emails, phone calls, text messages, phone messages, all unanswered. I don't know whether to start worrying about him now, but this isn't unusual for him. We could have gone over there, but it wasn't close or on our way, and I just wanted to get home.

I'm down with this nasty head cold; sore throat and headache and constantly running nose. I feel guilty about letting people hug me at the funeral, I hope I didn't pass it on too much. Glands in my neck are sore and swollen but I am ok from the collarbone down so I think that means cold not flu.

I don't see any exercise in my immediate future but I will be careful with my food. Sleep and fluids. Oranges and soup. I can't wear my CPAP wih my nose running like this, but I can spend lots of time resting. I can still enjoy reading and watching TV, grateful I'm alive and home and surrounded by those I love.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Bleug

Thursday:

Thought I was getting over whatever I had Tuesday, but no. Down with flu, or maybe just bad cold. Feel yuck. Not life-threatening. Husband has it too. Travelling this weekend is going to be unpleasant.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Not a Nimbus 2000

Wednesday:

We received a very long parcel in the mail yesterday, a birthday present for my husband from his cousin Matt. I wondered at first if it was a Nimbus 2000, but no, it was Gandalf's staff:

Isn't that cool! I realise that "cool" probably isn't the word some people would use...

Tim doesn't look his years, does he! Just turned 40.

I haven't done much revision on my novel yet but I'm back in a good headspace about it. I'm having ideas about how to fix the problems that have been identified, and making notes in the margins. It's more bits and pieces of work rather than any long sessions. My best "thinking" times are generally when I'm not sitting in front of the computer. Long drives to Sydney, in the shower, and while on a walk are my best times. Or after I've got into bed, which is why I keep a notebook and pen nearby.

I'm also reading the next person's novel for the critique group. We do one a month, mine was the first for the year. You basically commit to a year (8-10 novels) in return for having yours included. I like the editing process, I've done it as a paid profession, but what I am not looking forward to is the face-to-face part. I've never liked meeting clients in person although they sometimes ask for it, and I'm bad enough at giving criticism by email let alone to someone's face. I shrink from any kind of confrontation. I am reasonably practised at being tactful on paper, but dread the thought of having to say to someone "these are the problems..." Easier to be on the receiving end! And this particular author is one of the less experienced writers (like me) so there are going to be plenty of problems.

I had a heart-racing experience this afternoon. Jasmine collected the mail and a free local newspaper from the mailbox on her way home from school and handed it to me at the door, and a big huntsman spider crawled out. Screams, mail everywhere, spider scuttling under the chair. I managed to squash it with my shoe (shoe being on my foot) on the second try. Still feel the adrenalin. I say big, its leg span was probably smaller than my hand so it wasn't especially large by Australian standards (I have literally seen them as big as a dinner plate) but it was still an unpleasant shock to have one crawl out of something I am holding in my hands. I'll be nervous for days.

Report card:
Diet: Poor. Take away dinner after late dance class. A couple of choc chip cookies earlier.
Exercise: Poor. None.
Water: Will try to drink two more before bed.
Sleep: Ok. Still needed a short nap this afternoon.
Mental health: Good.

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

1000th post

Tuesday:

I dreamed I was at a family gathering and my aunt Bev was there. I was confused because I thought she was dead, but I didn't like to ask anyone.

I dreamed my uncle Greg (mum and Bev's brother) was going to sell his house and we were planning to buy it, but when we were walking through it instead of being beautiful and immaculate as usual it was old and dingy.

I dreamed I was going to get my dog back, not our recent puppy Thor who we rehomed last year mainly because of mum being sick and lots of travelling, but my collie Vixen who I had 15 years ago. I was patting her silky head.

I woke in the night feeling horribly nauseated and feverish, like you could fry an egg on my stomach. A bit better in the morning, but not great. Headachy and achy legs.

Apparently this is my 1000th post on my combined blogs (I have a couple of others I don't use much). I wish I had some amazing insights or breakthroughs or something to make it special but alas, no. Just me, living another day.

It was pouring rain all night and this morning so Tim took the car, so I couldn't go to the gym. Well, "couldn't" isn't strictly true, I could walk 30 minutes through the rain each way if I wanted to go that badly! But I wouldn't have gone anyway. Continued to feel quite sick all day. Slept in the afternoon. My husband has been a bit sick for several days so it's probably a virus. He's just a lot more stoic about it than I am!

Report card: Sick day.

Monday, March 23, 2015

Aunt Beverley

Monday:

I slept really well last night; according to my fitbit I barely moved a muscle all night. It was a great catch up. But then I logged on to my email to the news that my aunt died yesterday of inoperable stomach cancer. She was only diagnosed less than two weeks ago. And only about ten weeks since my mum, her older sister, died of cancer. My aunt Beverley was only 66. It's very sad. My cousin Kim and I have been messaging and she said "I'm still in shock. The pain is unbearable." I've discussed here before about whether it's better to have warning of a loved-one's death, and I've decided definitely yes. I had a year to get used to the idea that my mum was going to die soon, it was hard but I was prepared and I'd spent time with her first. My aunt was diagnosed less than two weeks ago. Ten days, I think. That is still a little time, I guess, but not much. I think a sudden death, like a car accident, would be the worst. You would probably feel so many things left unsaid, guilt for not resolving an argument or not being a perfect daughter or whatever, cheated that you didn't get to spend any more time with them. They are just suddenly gone. Even though it means seeing your loved-one in pain, knowing ahead of time still gives you some time for resolution. And my mum had time to settle her affairs and say goodbye and was ready to die. I didn't even have time to visit my aunt in another city, I found out last Wednesday.

I had already decided that after the weekend, what I needed today was a long walk out in the autumn sunshine. And after that news, even more so. It just seemed much more appealing than sweating it out at the gym or jumping around my lounge room. So I went to the lake with the warm sun and fresh breeze and the water views and the trees thinking about turning to autumn colours.

 




I was tired by the end of the 5K and also hungry. I had brought an apple in the car but after I dropped it onto concrete twice and it rolled into a filthy gutter I decided against eating it. I had to wait until I got to the shops and then had a banana. Grocery shopping was weird, they had hardly anything I wanted in the meat section. I plan my meals ahead of time and get a bit frazzled if I have to make last minute changes. So I just bought ingredients for the next two days then I'll shop again. No whole chickens, raw or cooked?! No beef ribs for casserole?! No steak that looked up to my high standards! And then I went to my favourite rotisserie chicken shop to buy lunch and guess what: no chickens ready for takeaway! 25 minute wait! Bugger that. Too hungry to wait. It was a bit annoying, as well as having some for lunch with salad it would have been the basis of the kids' lunches for a couple of days. Is there some kind of protein shortage in Canberra today? I made a less-healthy choice instead.

As well as the cake, we had a few things left over from the party. I put a couple of tempting things away in the cupboard. Why? Because a) at some point in the next few days it was magically going to be ok for me to binge on them? or b) I wanted to binge on them and if they were there I could, and then blame it on my poor judgement in keeping them? Not "current self's" fault for eating them, it was "past self's" fault for keeping them. Guess which is the right answer. But last night after I went to bed I got up and put them in the bin, carefully pouring the contents out so they couldn't be salvaged. So good job there. I definitely would have eaten them today. Now we only have stuff that doesn't tempt me. And they will go to supper tonight with Tim and his D&D friends.

I weighed myself this morning, a small increase after the weekend but nothing too dramatic. But my weight has crept up all fortnight - with three weekend events in a row - and I am above last month's weigh-in for dietbet. Yet I need to lose 3% from that winning point in the next fortnight. I really don't think there is any possible way to make this month's goal without losing a limb. Yet I am not giving up. The point of doing a six month dietbet is so I won't give up just because one month is going badly. I just have to keep trying for that end goal. It's a struggle, but one that has to continue for my health's sake. It will continue to be tricky, I imagine we will be travelling soon for my aunt's funeral, and then the following weekend is Easter and I love chocolate.

Report card:
Diet: Ok. Bad lunch, but good the rest of the day. I'm glad I took action last night to avoid a binge today. Because I really wanted those Malteasers.
Exercise: Good. 11,500 steps.
Water: Good.
Sleep: Good.
Mental health: Sad. I am not looking forward to the funeral, whenever that is. I can feel the roomful of misery already. It is going to be hard to keep it together.

Saturday, March 21, 2015

Cocktail party

Sunday:

It's been a very busy few days. Tim's 40th birthday cocktail party was last night and we had lots of family staying here. We don't actually have a spare room so that means mattresses all over the floors everywhere! And lots of cooking, and running the full dishwasher after every meal.

On Friday I did a marathon three hour shopping trip and got home exhausted, only to find that my fitbit said I was barely moving during a big chunk of that time. What? I worked out it was when I was pushing a (heavy and eventually overflowing) shopping trolley. I assume that pushing the trolley stabilised my arms so much that the sensor on my wrist didn't register any stepping movement. Bugger! I still got to 8,000 steps by the end of the day, but I reckon I would have done closer to 10.

Saturday continued the cleaning and preparations and cooking for guests, I was up to 8,000 steps again by the time the party started and I didn't even set foot out of the house! We had cake and a little family party in the afternoon so the kids could participate. Then the cocktail party was fun but I drank too much. I hardly ever drink alcohol, it's just not part of our lifestyle, but once or twice a year we have one of these parties and my body can't handle it. I was happy and friendly at first, I'm sure I charmed everybody by telling them I really wasn't tipsy at all, but I felt quite ill by midnight! I couldn't go to bed because my niece was sleeping there until the house quietened down and she could be moved. So I lay on the floor for a while. Nice comfy carpet. Eventually all the guests left, we got family bedded down wherever we could fit them, and I got to crawl into bed where I got a few hours sleep before waking about 4:30 feeling even worse...

So Sunday morning everyone was feeling very tired, except the kids of course, but it was my sister-in-law's birthday so I made French toast and after lunch we had birthday cake. I didn't eat much of it, even though it was my favourite, my stomach just wasn't up to it. Legs aching badly too. Finally all the guests left.

I'm not sure how my report card should read for the weekend. I certainly had plenty of indulgence foods nibbles but didn't stuff myself ever, and I had proper meals. But the cocktails would have had a lot of calories and sugar, and I did have dessert three times. I didn't do any intentional exercise over the past three days, but I got in a lot of activity, mainly cleaning but also a little bit of dance. I tried to drink my water but I'm sure I'm still dehydrated from the alcohol. Sleep, not so good. Mental health good. Right now I just want to slump and do nothing, even though I already had a nap this afternoon, but it's time to start making dinner. Could probably have leftovers, but I want a proper meal.

Oh, and I got rid of most of the leftovers from the two cakes. I kind of forced it on people as they left. I could have just thrown it out I guess, but it feels less wasteful if you give it to people. They can toss it in the bin if they want. I do hope I get my containers back. I saved one piece of cake each to have for dessert tonight. I only had a few bites each time before, and I may do that again. Too much sweet. Now if we had chips left, that would be a problem! But they all got finished.

Back to the gym tomorrow, and shopping for fresh food. I made a new batch of yoghurt, my poor body needs a few probiotics I think! Why on earth would some people drink like that every weekend? Why do I do it even once a year? I guess I forget how bad I feel afterwards.