Monday, January 26, 2015

Better day

Tuesday:

Today was definitely better. I was so miserable yesterday that I spent the evening compiling all ways I was a failure as a human being, and thinking about how different I was from the me of 20 years ago. But I had a good cry, and although it didn't seem to help at the time I did wake up happier and more able to cope with life.

Having said that, I didn't actually do any better with food or exercise.  But I did the grocery shopping with the kids and only bought one packet of cheese crackers to share. I helped/encouraged/bribed the kids in some housework and the kitchen looks significantly better. Some paperwork relating to mum's death came in the mail and I filled it all in instead of pushing it aside. I did colouring in with my daughter and watched Star Wars (a new hope) with my son.

I've still got to cook dinner and drink more water and read a couple of hundred pages of short stories, but I am going to preemptively call today a win.

A week to go

Monday:

I managed to get out for a walk this morning, which I guess is a big achievement considering I've struggled lately. On Saturday I even put on my exercise gear as soon as I got up - and then sat around in it all day. But today I walked for half a hour. Slowly.

I've got a week to go on his dietbet (plus and minus a bit due to time differences and 48 hour weigh in period) and this morning I weighed 82.3 kg. need to lose 2.4 kg (5.3 lbs) in a week. It's not looking very likely, considering I haven't yet got a handle on my eating. Or anything else, really.

To be honest, I'm still struggling quite a lot. I can't seem to find any balance in my head. I don't want to do any "fun" things or go out anywhere. I spend my days ploughing through all this reading I'm committed to - a book a day - and watching cricket on TV. It's still school holidays for another week so the kids are home but I'm mostly leaving them to their own devices. On the weekend Tim takes them out a lot. House is a mess. I haven't done any writing.

I know it takes time for life to get back to normal. It's weird because I didn't even chat to mum that much, but now I keep thinking of inconsequential things I want to tell her and can't. And I'm daunted by knowing that I have to go to her house and go through a houseful of things. Sometimes it all feels like too much.

Saturday, January 24, 2015

Never enough

Saturday:

This is my third day of trying to drink lots and lots of water (and watering my plant on Plant Nanny). The app tells me to drink 12 glasses of water a day. That seems like a lot to me, a silly amount, considering I usually have less than half that including tea. But you know what? It isn't enough. The more I drink, the thirstier I get. I'm usually very dehydrated (every blood or urine test I've ever had said so), so I guess now my body knows I'm not living in a desert and water is readily available it wants to make up for lost time. Today I finished my 12 glasses before dinner, hoping to avoid getting up five times tonight, but I'm too thirsty to stop drinking. How much is enough?

Friday, January 23, 2015

Rebellion

Friday:

I had a bit of a rebellious day today. I didn't want to eat healthy. I bought junk when out shopping. I didn't want to read all this stuff I've got to read. I seem to have pulled something in my stomach when trying to do crunches yesterday (not a good hurt) so I didn't want to exercise. I didn't want to drink all my water. I didn't want to make time to do my meditation.

Considering all that, I had an ok day. Not a great day, or even a good day, but an ok day.

Wednesday, January 21, 2015

There's an app for that

Thursday:

Usually I like throwing myself into things, but I'm struggling to cope a bit at the moment so I'm not trying to do everything at once. What I am doing, however, is covered by cute new apps.

I have my "Headspace" for my daily meditation.

Yesterday I downloaded "Plant Nanny" - every time you drink water you get to water your virtual plant and it grows. Very cute.

And today I downloaded "Carrot Fit" that has 7-minute workouts. Carrot is a harsh taskmistress and makes it fun by being rudely abusive. Pushups become bowing before Cthulu. For squats she says you can wee on the floor if you want but to remember she isn't waterproof. Stepping up on a chair to get away from an aggressive mouse. The kids did it with me and thought it was very funny. I'm not really that keen on that sort of exercise but it's only 7-minutes (12 exercises for 30 seconds each, 10 second break), and guided by a robot overlord, so I'll give it a try.

Tuesday, January 20, 2015

Wansink research

Wednesday:

A recent New Scientist magazine (no. 3003, Australia) has an article by Brian Wansink about making environmental changes to help you change your eating habits without any struggle with will power. He's been researching it for 25 years (I've read his very interesting stuff before) and I'd thought I'd share a few things from this article.

* Use smaller plates. You eat more from a bigger plate. And, one I haven't seen before, you eat more if the plate is the same colour as the food. So if you want to cut down on carbs, it's probably wise to go for a non-white plate.

* The only food visible on your clean and tidy counters should be the fruit bowl. Visible chips are bad, cereal is worse! "Women who keep cereal packets visible weigh on average 9.5 kilograms (21 pounds) more than those who put them away." Apparently women are more susceptible to this 'visible food' issue than men. Maybe because they spend more time in the kitchen.

* Keep salad on the dining table where you can see it but serve everything else from the oven/counter. You're less likely to grab a second helping if you can't see and reach it easily.

* Smaller serving spoons.

* Use tall thin glasses (except for water!) instead of short wide glasses. Pour wine looking down into your glass (it looks like more) instead of having the glass at eye level when you pour.

* In a restaurant, sit near the window or in a well-lit area and not near the bar or a TV. And at a tall table where you don't slouch.

Wansink has done some fascinating studies, well worth a read.

Monday, January 19, 2015

Work in progress

Monday:

I did a bit better today, I think. I did a couple of productive things. I washed my CPAP. I took it away with us but only used it one night and then I hadn't unpacked it since we got home. So that is about a week without using it. It is all clean now with fresh water in the humidifier and set up, so I have no excuse not to use it tonight. Hopefully that will help with the tiredness. I fell asleep both yesterday and today, sitting up trying to read. Today with the kids playing a board game right at my feet.

I also used my Headspace meditation app this evening after dinner. Day Five. They are just 10 minute relaxation exercises. I am still very distracted but I won't get better if I don't practice.

I used my lovely massage chair, but today it hurt every muscle in my back. I am really stiff and sore and tense. Working on that.

Otherwise, food was a bit better today - and I resisted getting take away for lunch even though we were driving home at lunchtime! - but I didn't exercise.

I am ploughing through these books I need to read. I think two and a half yesterday. One and a half so far today, I'll read more tonight.

Still tired and sad and unmotivated. I'm a work in progress.