Thursday, July 31, 2014

Revisting sleep apnoea


Basically all the weight I've lost over the past ten weeks was in the first four. Is it time for a new strategy?

The original Beck diet book suggests having a back up diet plan for if your first one doesn't work out. My current plan is just counting calories (following the CSIRO general guidelines which are relatively high protein, medium carb, low fat) but I haven't been sticking to it very well lately. My back up plan was to rejoin Weight Watchers so I am considering doing that. I was a member for about six months over two years ago with limited success - but a big part of the problem with it was that my group was very small and all elderly ladies (lovely people but not at the same stage of life as me) and it closed due to lack of numbers in that timeslot. If I could find a better group then that might fulfil a need for group support and accountability. I've looked at local times and I have two options, Wednesday lunchtime, which is convenient but might have the same issue of a small non-employed demographic, or Saturday 8am which is earlier than I like. All the others are times I can't go to due to various early-evening commitments, mainly kid sports.

My main hesitation is that I'm not sure it would help at the moment. I think my current lack of motivation is due to constant tiredness, and until I get that under control paying WW lots of money isn't going to do anything for me.

So what I am going to do is for the next week or so I'll make sure I wear my CPAP all night (I wear it every night, but sometimes it annoys me and I take it off in the early hours of the morning). When I'm sure it's loaded up with readings of what is going on, I'll take it to the sleep lab for analysis. They'll be able to tell me if I'm apnoea-ing even with the CPAP. Maybe I need the settings changed or something. Once I have that information, I'll be able to go forward from there. I shouldn't be this tired all the time, struggling with constant headaches, falling asleep during the day sitting up, wanting to eat to revive flagging energy, difficulty coping with minor problems. I should have followed this up a while ago but that is the problem with being too tired to get things done!

Thursday weigh in - now with added pizza!


Ten weeks.

Starting weight: 85.3 kg
Last week: 81.2
This week: 81.3
Gain: 0.1 kg
Total loss: 4 kg

I gained 0.1 kg this week. I had pizza last night, which would have added some salty water weight, but my weight has actually been pretty stable all week.

Wednesday nights I need to prepare a quick dinner because of karate lessons. I usually get steak and salad. Last night it suddenly occurred to me I couldn't remember buying steak on my Monday shopping trip - no memory of selecting it and putting it in the trolley or of putting it in the fridge at home. I checked. No steak. So I have no idea what happened. I don't know if I forgot to write it on the shopping list or if I just missed it when I was out. I also didn't have the car, so that is why I ordered pizza to be delivered.

My food has been less controlled this week, hence the lack of weight loss, but at least my exercise is consistent. At least 30 mins of very brisk walking every afternoon. When it warms up a bit, I'll increase the morning walk (currently only 10 mins) to another 30 mins. It's generally quite nice in the middle of the day, but mornings and late afternoon are bitter. Well, for Australia anyway. Tomorrow is going to be one of the coldest days I've probably ever experienced, 7 degrees Celsius (44 F) with a chance of snow. Hey, that is cold for Australia ok?

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Caramel pie and napping


I'm going to put a positive spin on a negative action. Yesterday at the usual games night I had carefully planned what I was going to eat for my extra 200 calorie treat but then someone brought a caramel pie. I knew it would be super sweet and not really my kind of thing, not on my plan and not special enough to make an exception for, and probably a million calories (I had no way of knowing) so I declined. But then a slice was cut and put in front of me and I decided to try it. It was very sweet but pretty nice, so over the next couple of hours I slowly nibbled at the whole slice.

I am not justifying this decision, it was a bad one. But here is the good bit. I haven't done a diabetes test for a while, the doctor said I didn't need the official one yet and I don't test myself at home regularly. I thought all that sugar would sent my glucose levels sky high. But I tested myself and it was 6.9 mmol/L, completely normal! It's not a definitive test under controlled conditions, but it is a pretty good indicator that my pre-diabetes is under control. As long as I keep eating healthily most of the time, I think I'll continue to improve and who knows, maybe next year the test will show I'm back to normal.

The other bad bit is increased cravings this morning. Bitterly cold day doesn't help.

I read and commented on a couple of short stories this morning and did a little bit of my own writing, then could hear that the women's gymnastics was showing on TV as part of the Commonwealth Games, one of my favourite sports to watch. My son used to do gymnastics until they tried to push him from three afternoons a week up to four. Too much for a then-six year old. Maybe he was showing promise but he got sick of the whole thing. His Russian coach was pretty shouty, too.

I get confused between artistic gymnastics and rhythmic gymnastics because they both sound dance-y, but this was the athletic one with beam and swinging around bars and all that (artistic gymnastics, I think), not the slightly less athletic-looking one with ribbons and balls. But that one is still pretty athletic. Anyway, they said that Australia had hopes of a gold medal in the team event. So I sat down to watch with the puppy on my lap. And went to sleep for 40 mins. It was still going when I woke up but we had dropped to a probably-silver (which we got). I watched the end while I had lunch. I was a bit cranky I had slept through most of it.

Unless it is actually raining, Thor's lunch is a chicken neck or two (depending on size) which he eats outside. He's mostly given up trying to bring them inside, banging on the back door with a bone in his mouth. I don't stay out with him, but he finishes so fast that I was getting worried the bones were being stolen by the local currawongs (bird similar to a crow), Aiden did see it happen one time out the window. Today I started to walk away and heard currawong calls so went back. Thor was standing guard and two birds were watching from out roof. I stood over him while he ate, but he crunched them down unbelievably fast - without even seeming to chew half of it - so I still don't know if they have been stolen in the past or if he just inhales them.

My tiredness isn't just making me miss TV. My husband is taking a week off work soon and I can't think of anything I want to do other than stay home. Jasmine has frequent rehearsals for an upcoming dance concert, but we could take a few days. Of course having a young puppy makes going away difficult, and we'd have to go a long way to get away from the cold, but I think problems wouldn't seem so insurmountable if I had some energy. Travelling, and uncomfortable beds, and deciding what to do with Thor, and being away from home, it all just seems too difficult and unappealing.

I often write these posts in stages throughout the day as inspiration hits or to avoid working. During that last paragraph I guess I was feeling a bit down, and that the morning had been very unproductive. But after that I put my head down and got a decent session of writing done and then I took Thor out for a good brisk walk - my leg hurt again but not as much - and now I feel a lot better. Writing and exercise are my two big priorities each day and if I get them done I feel good about myself. If I don't I feel guilty. I love ticking off the boxes on my to do list.

Monday, July 28, 2014

Yay for Monday


I can't say that Mondays are my favourite day of the week, but they are excellent as a dieter. On Monday morning you can put the slightly indulgent weekend behind you and refresh. Not that I was particularly bad on the weekend - an extra bit here and there - but Monday always has the whole "new week" vibe that washes any past sins away.

I also do my main grocery shopping trip on Mondays, so it's an excellent opportunity to restock fresh healthy foods, without any "I'll grab this for the weekend" (not for me, of course not, for Tim and the kids) temptation.

So today was mainly grocery shopping and spending time with Thor and numerous little jobs that build up - like organising for a tree to be trimmed because the electricity company says it's getting to close to power lines. And passing on feedback to the publishers on a proof copy of a novel that is due to come out in a few months.

While at the shops I saw a neighbour friend and we had a chat in the cheese aisle - as she said it was the longest we'd got to talk for months! We've always been friends but life gets busy with children of various ages. Her youngest must have been in childcare, there was no little person in her trolley demanding attention. So it was nice to catch up. She also expressed openness to doing some puppy minding if needed (maybe not for a whole weekend yet, but for a few hours) so that is good for the future. Family want us to visit again already! But I am feeling very resistant to the long trip again so soon.

As usual we went for a short walk in the morning, just up to the school, and a longer walk in the afternoon. He still walks very fast and pulls me along, and again I got a cramp in my leg. Maybe I need to stretch and warm up before we go! No way I can get him to start slow, not without cruelty. He's slowly learning, but the first five minutes are always like he can smell roast chicken down the road. Part of the time we were going 6 km/h. I did 7000 steps today, so clearly a couple of walks isn't enough when I am sitting for the rest of the day. Something to work on.

Sunday, July 27, 2014



Very quiet weekend. Apart from a family walk with Thor this afternoon I didn't leave home. Tim took the kids to their swimming lesson yesterday and for a bike ride today, but mostly we were all here. I spent the time watching the Commonwealth Games on TV, playing computer games, reading, and napping on the lounge with a puppy draped over me.

I've really been struggling all week with tiredness. I spend the right number of hours in bed and I seem to be asleep for most of them. I typically have my CPAP on for around six hours then get irritated with it in the early hours of the morning and take it off then sleep another couple of hours without it. Even if those last couple of hours and not very restful, I should be getting a decent amount. If it continues I should probably get my CPAP checked. Or try to keep it on all night. Today I got to sleep in until 9am and I still feel sleep-deprived.

Today we had lovely weather, almost like spring in the middle of the day. Sunny and a little bit warm. Not bad for the middle of winter. Great day for a walk.

I'm afraid I don't have much to say today, thought I should check in anyway. Those of you behind Australia in time, have a great Sunday!

Friday, July 25, 2014



Woke exhausted again, not sure why, and was still sitting down to breakfast when the kids had to leave for school so they went without me. Thor wasn't too happy about that. But when I was ready I took him for a good long walk and tracked it with Runkeeper. I was curious about how fast we were going, I knew it was faster than was comfortable for me. In fact today I had a cramp in my left shin nearly the whole time. And it turns out we were going about 5.5 km/ph (3.7 mi/ph). I don't know about you, but for me that is practically jogging! I would have said 5 km/ph was about as fast as I could walk, pushing myself, so it's amazing what a body can do when dragged along by a small dog. And that speed incorporates all the stops before crossing roads, and for Thor to say hello to people, and for me to try to stretch out my sore shin, so it was actually faster in places.

I was pretty tired after half an hour of that. I felt like I'd been in a race.

After lunch I went out and did various shopping errands. My mum gave me some money for my birthday that I haven't spent yet, I bought a book today but not sure what else I will get. I bought lots of healthy groceries. I did have a look at a small tub, individual portion size, of chocolate ice-cream. My husband and son don't like chocolate so usually we get other flavours, and I don't care much for ice-cream anyway compared to other things (especially in winter), but today I just felt like it. I was a bit surprised that such a small tub was 265 calories. Then I realised that it was 265 calories per serving, and that according to the manufacturer that little one-scoop tub had nearly two servings in it! So over 500 calories. Definitely not worth it.

I was out for two hours, and by the time I got home I was dead on my feet. I sat with Thor on my lap and watched some TV but I couldn't let myself go to sleep because we had to walk up to meet the kids at school in about 15 minutes. It was a real struggle to keep my eyes open and my head upright. Thor snoozes with abandon in perfect trust, on his back with all legs splayed out.

So another quick walk then I could sit down and collapse. Until I had to cook dinner. But yay for Friday! No commitments this weekend, except the kids swimming lesson tomorrow, so I'm looking forward to relaxing and family time and virtual farming. I work from home with no official time constraints so I have to be careful not to just do nothing all day, but weekends I turn off the "should be working" soundtrack.

Have a great weekend!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Thursday weigh in - a sixth of the way there


Starting weight: 85.3 kg
Last week: 81.8
This week: 81.2
Loss: 0.6
Total loss: 4.1 kg

Yay, I am finally back below my pre-birthday weight! It's taken a lot longer than I thought to lose that extra kilo, but a small loss each week finally did the trick. Even after a binge weekend! It's very motivating to keep going.

And my online tracker told me I had met an intermediate goal (I didn't even know I had one) and set the next goal to 77.1 kg so it seems to be using steps of 4.1 kg. My target divided by six maybe? Just think, I'm a sixth of the way there! Not bad.

I got my exercise in again with two walks, short and long, and today I even got some writing done! It had been a few weeks so I had to read over the last few thousand words. Then I wrote one sentence. Then I mucked around with computer settings for a while. Then finally I got started and wrote for an hour. I'm happy with that for today.

The Commonwealth Games starts tonight (like the Olympics, but only with countries conquered by England) so that is exciting. I watch almost no sport, but I love the Olympics and Commonwealth Games.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014



Today I've been very grateful for routine. It's my first day alone for a few weeks so I thought it could have taken me longer to get back into it, especially since I was so tired, but actually being exhausted meant I was glad not to have to make too many decisions. Even though I didn't pre-plan last night for today, it worked out fine.

Breakfast is always a choice of two (except sometimes on weekends), so I had what I didn't have yesterday. Morning tea is always whatever fruit I fancy, but only fruit. Lunch is more varied, but I had leftovers from last night so that was easy. Afternoon tea is generally the same every day - I hadn't intended that, originally, but I have a favourite (four wholegrain crackers with camembert cheese) and any day I schedule something else I find I'm disappointed. And dinner I always plan and shop for in advance, twice a week, so that decision was made days ago.

I thought about chocolate a couple of times, but it was pretty easy to dismiss the vague craving. And I had calories left at the end of the day so I had two squares for supper.

I still intend to continue to pre-plan, but it's good to know I can get through a day without it.

Exercise was two walks with Thor, a short one to take the kids to school and a longer walk to pick them up, going around the block first. He walks fast, too, it's no idle stroll! My calves are always aching by the end from walking faster than I am used to. We only stop when people want to pat him. I also sat outside in the brief sunshine at lunchtime and read while he gnawed a bone. So I got my vitamin D for the day. Having a puppy does make me get out of the house.

I spent the rest of the day napping or staring blankly into space, so it wasn't a very productive day. Ok, a slight exaggeration. But not much. But anyway, it was a good day in terms of healthy choices. I look forward to a good sleep tonight.

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

No sleep


Tim didn't get to sleep until about 3am (he's somewhat better this morning, sitting up and eating toast) which meant I also didn't get to sleep until around 3am. And I got up at 6.30 to let the puppy out. Actually I thought I heard the puppy so I got up and put on my dressing gown, glasses and shoes (it's below freezing outside at night now, need proper shoes) then realised all was quiet. I climbed back into bed with everything still on, with my shod feet sticking awkwardly out the side. After a while I decided the sheets needed changing anyway since my husband has been ill so I just pulled my feet in. I did take off my glasses eventually. Thor woke about 15 minutes later. I don't know if it was him the first time or I dreamed it.

I was so tired and headachy. I bullied the kids into getting ready for school and we were just about ready to leave when my daughter reminded me I hadn't made their lunches. Threw some things into their backpacks. Took Thor with us but I got so cranky with him pulling my arm off that I gave up only a few houses away and said goodbye to the kids there and dragged the puppy home again. I just couldn't deal with it and was going to lose my temper badly with him, better to just go home and take him for a walk later.

I felt better after lunch and took Thor for a short walk, then he got another short walk when we picked up the kids. The early afternoon was spent with an electrician here fixing all the things wrong with our lighting. We have a light in the bathroom again! No more candles. Bathing by candlelight is quite soothing, but you can't read.

... (Wednesday) I was too tired to finish this post yesterday. I took Jasmine to her dance class then Tim felt well enough to go ahead with our games night. I would have much rather TV and early night. I ate too much chocolate trying to stay awake, and eventually went to bed early while Tim & the others continued to play. After a good night's sleep I still feel really tired, need more to catch up.

My RSI is playing up so I can't do too much computer time today. I had to leave full-time work 12 years ago and can now only work a few hours a day because of RSI in my shoulders, arms & hands. It is usually under control, except when I spend too much time on the computer, sit around too much (including long car trips), it's cold weather or cold air conditioning like at a movie, I'm sick or it's that time of the month, and/or I'm tired. At the moment basically all of those are in force. Different bits flare up, at the moment my pectoral muscles hurt and the bases of both thumbs are swollen and inflamed. Hard to type. I need to look after myself today.

Monday, July 21, 2014

First day of term


First day of term. I got the kids off to school, but the husband was home in bed with a nasty stomach bug. He's usually pretty stoic, but he hates vomiting so much. I suppose we can be thankful that he wasn't like this yesterday, when we were in the middle of visiting and travel.

Actually I had some bad stomach pains throughout yesterday, and the kind of experiences you really don't want to have in someone else's bathroom, but I assumed it was just my body reacting adversely to all the junk food. Now I think it was probably a virus. Not feeling absolutely stellar today, but doing ok. I hope Tim gets better as quickly, and that it is just a 24 hour thing.

I dashed out and did the shopping. A nice healthy trolley. Fresh meat and vegetables and no junk. The sort of trolley where you wouldn't mind if your doctor was walking past and happened to glance in. Not the one where you want to explain to the cashier that you are buying all this for a party on the weekend, honest.

When I'd just got to the shops I realised that in the flurry of getting the kids to school and the worry of going out leaving my husband home alone sick I had not only not put on any make-up (I don't wear much, but always mascara because I have invisible blonde eyelashes otherwise) but I hadn't brushed my hair or my teeth! Slightly embarrassing. Luckily I didn't see anyone I know.

I didn't get any writing done, which is a shame after all my brainstorming yesterday, but I did go for two walks with Thor and did the grocery shopping and made a very healthy stir fry for my lunch and caught up on some slush pile reading (I help a magazine decide which stories get printed in it, the "slush pile" is unsolicited manuscripts sent in). And I finally sent in the form to book Thor in to puppy school. It starts in two weeks, on Sunday mornings. During the walks with him today he was much more attentive when it was just the two of us, but of course as soon as the kids were there or we were walking past strangers he got overexcited and nearly pulled my arm off. It's much more pleasant when he is walking nicely by my side.

I've stuck to my food plan for the day except I added yoghurt to my morning fruit because I found some lovely strawberries when shopping - and I adore strawberries and plain Greek yoghurt together!

I've now got the kids to bed and Thor put himself to bed so I'm going to play my computer game for an hour before I go too.

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Landing on donuts


These past two weeks I feel like I've been slowly slipping away from my diet, and this weekend I went right over the edge of the cliff and landed on a pile of donuts. We went and visited family which means eating at other people's houses and also fast food on the road trip there. And donuts. And a late birthday cake with my mother. And roast duck, which is mostly skin and fat. I wallowed in everything.

But from tomorrow I have no more excuses. The kids will be back at school and my husband back at work (he had most of this week off) and I will get back into my routine and stay there. And be firmly enough in it that a slight change in circumstances won't derail me.

Taking Thor with us worked out ok. It was a problem we debated for a while. I used to put my previous dog in a boarding kennel when I travelled, but she was a sturdy outdoor dog (a collie, just like Lassie) who was used to being alone while I was at work. Thor is with people all day, and still only a puppy. And it is freezing here and he is used to being inside. It meant lots of time stuck in the car, and he was car-sick twice, but at least he was with us. He was very popular with my husband's family, where we stayed the night. My mum is allergic to dogs and doesn't like them, so he sat outside the back door at her place and stared in at us through the glass doors. But one of the kids was out with him most of the time. He is very glad to be home and went psycho with happiness.

Aside from diet issues and paying constant attention to making sure Thor didn't have an accident on someone else's floor or jump up on a toddler, it was a good weekend. Got to see lots of family and have a chat with my mum and see my sister-in-law who is having an operation tomorrow.

I spend time on the long drive thinking about the novel I am writing, and as usual I came up with some solutions to problems and ideas about what will happen next. I can get back into writing tomorrow, as well as refocusing on healthy eating.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Ice skating


Today we went ice skating. Australia is not exactly the winter sports capital of the world, but I happened to live near an ice rink and my high school had it as an option for sport (they didn't give us lessons, just let us loose on the ice). I was never particularly good, but I could at least stay up and go forwards and backwards at a reasonable speed and stop when I wanted to. I hadn't been skating for about 25 years. The kids had been wanting to go for a while so we went along this morning to a combined pool and rink ("two kinds of cool!").

They say you never forget how to ride a bicycle, and I think it's about as true that you don't forget how to skate. That is, not true at all. I did both as a child and teenager and suck at both as an adult! I was holding on to the edge most of the time. With two children to support between two adults, I had to manage holding a child's hand and stop them falling over while stopping myself falling over as well. Tim had only been skating a few times but was much more confident than me and took the kids for rather faster spins around the ice. But then there were a couple of falls on his watch.

We were there for about an hour and a half and that was enough for me, with aching freezing feet and sore shoulders from holding up slipping children. But overall it was pretty fun and I'm sure we'll do it again some time. The kids loved it, even with bruised knees.

We are going to spend the weekend visiting family and we've decided to take Thor with us - so that will be interesting!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Weigh in Thursday


Weigh in nine, so I've been doing this for eight weeks now.

Starting weight:  85.3 kg
Last week: 82.1
This week: 81.8
Loss: 0.3 kg
Total loss: 3.5 kg

Another small loss this week. I'm really struggling with school holidays. Only a few days to go before I can get back to my routine! A loss is a loss, even a small one. But I'm still not back to my lowest weight of a few weeks ago.

We went out to dinner tonight at an Italian place that was inexplicably where we thought a different Italian place was supposed to be. I had fettuccine with prawns, and shared a dessert with Jasmine. We had our carpets cleaned this afternoon and the guy arrived an hour late. By the time he'd finished it was nearly dinner time and our kitchen was full of all the furniture we'd pulled off the carpet, so going out seemed a good idea.

Oh, and clean carpet vs puppy? 10 minutes, puppy emerged triumphant. Despite being taken outside twice. Sigh. We'll get it cleaned again in Spring. Maybe it will last a bit longer next time.

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Oncologist and chocolate


My mum saw her oncologist today and there was some good news. The breast tumour had visibly shrunk and some of the tumours in her skull as well. So she is responding very well to the various treatments. She'd been getting a swollen leg from a regular injection in her hip, but last time they did it in her arm which seems to have solved that problem. She still spends a lot of time resting. She's never going to be cured, but her current situation is a far cry from when I first heard that she had breast cancer than had spread to her bones - at that time I thought she probably only had months to live. Now it should be years, at least. And she is still fully able to care for herself in her own home. She's even finishing the last couple of units in her Masters Degree.

I've always said chocolate isn't a problem for me, I love it but can eat a square or two and that is enough. It is not a trigger food for me. So lately it has been the only treat I have in the house, I felt it was safe. But since it is the only treat available, I have been eating it whenever I get a craving for something else. I've gone from a couple of squares two or three times a week, to a larger quantity every day. I keep buying different flavours and now have quite a few blocks to choose from. It isn't what I want to eat - I want salty chips or cheesy corn chips - but in the absence of that I turn to chocolate instead to fill the void. Not ideal! I guess it isn't a "safe" food for me to have in the house any more.

I've only just become aware of this behaviour and analysed it, so my first strategy is just to stop eating it so frequently - now I know what I am doing. But if I can't just stop, I'll have to throw it all away, which is fine. But if it comes to that, I'm worried I'll then turn to something else. It's possible to overeat just about anything. With a family, I can't ban cereal or bread or cheese from the house. But I'm hoping just being aware of it is enough to stop the behaviour.

I definitely feel a bit of a hole in my life that was once filled with unhealthy food.  There are lots of other good things in my life, but it's not the same as being able to dive into a big bag of chips.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Flip out


I think I've found the reason for my inexplicable blood sugar drop yesterday, and my aching back and leg last night. I woke this morning (after my turn to sleep in! lovely) with a headache and sore throat, and my body feels tired and achy. So I am fighting off a virus and my body is having trouble keeping everything in balance. I don't feel too bad, but it's a good day to sit at home and rest.

Tim and the kids took Thor for his walk without me and are now at a new local attraction "flip out" which is a warehouse with trampolines all over the floor and up the walls, like a giant jumping castle. You can bound from one to the next all over the room and flip off the walls. A lot of their friends have already been. It looks great on the website, and I'm sure they'll have a lot of fun. But I'll stick to playing a computer game, for today.

Little update on the puppy; he always sleeps through the night now, and puts himself to bed in the evening when he gets tired instead of lying on my lap or on the lounge until I put him to bed. He just wanders up to the bathroom and climbs into his "Cosy Clam". He is mostly housetrained, he still probably has one accident a day if we aren't paying attention to him hanging around the back door. He needs to learn to bark or bang on the door like he does when he wants to come in again! We're getting the carpet cleaned this week. He knows how to sit and nearly always does on voice command, he also knows what "outside" means. He is still getting used to being on the lead and pulls the whole time which is tiring for us and makes him wheeze horribly, I'll start proper training in a week when the kids are back at school and I have his whole attention. He is a lovely, cuddly little dog.

Playing at the park


I am so up and down with my eating at the moment. Yesterday I was out with the kids and decided to go to my favourite fried chicken place for lunch. Not quite as greasy as KFC, but pretty bad. But they have a skinless breast with the same seasonings but much less fat, less than 200 calories for a piece according to their board, and I've had it before and it's yummy, so I figured that with that and a few chips (fries) I would be ok. Not much nutrition, but a treat I could fit into my calories for the day. Unfortunately I then ate some of my children's leftovers. I couldn't resist that crispy fried chicken. And extra salty chips. I didn't eat all of it, I threw a whole (slightly nibbled by my son) piece of chicken away so that was a small victory, but I still ate a lot more than I had meant to.

Today we took Thor out for his daily walk - we are up to 30 minutes now and he loves it - and then shortly after we came home I started feeling really down for no reason. It got worse and worse, the world seemed a horrible place and I was sad and grumpy. I finally tried eating some chocolate. And I was right, I was experiencing low blood sugar. I used to get that quite often but hardly ever these days. I'm "only" pre-diabetic but I seem quite sensitive to blood sugar fluctuations. I don't know why it happened today, I'd had my afternoon snack shortly before the walk so I shouldn't have had a drop. The only way to fix it is to eat carbs. Chocolate seems to work pretty fast.

I planned a nice dessert today, just because it was Saturday, originally, but also it turned out to be our monthaversary (we used to go out on a special date night each month to celebrate our first date, and later our wedding, harder with kids). Tim made crepes and instead of having lemon juice and sugar I made an orange sauce with fresh orange segments, and cream and chocolate. It was delicious, but we all felt very full afterwards. Each crepe is around 100 calories, plain, and we had two each; but I later worked out that each plate was well over 500 calories! And this was after dinner. So I think that was a bad decision. It is all very well to have an occasional treat or dessert but I have to work out my calories beforehand AND stick to my plan! I should have just had one crepe, not two - 280 calories is a bit more feasible.

Most of the day I am doing well, but I keep having these moments that I should have dealt with better.

Thor and Aiden having a great time at the park. I don't have any good close-ups - they were too busy moving!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Thursday weigh in


Starting weight: 85.3 kg
Last week: 82.3 kg
This week: 82.1 kg
Loss: 0.2 kg
Total loss: 3.2 kg

I am disappointed with myself this week. An infinitesimal loss. It is obvious why, I have been eating too much these past few days.

I am really worried that the honeymoon is over with this diet. That may be quite a good analogy. Just because the honeymoon period is over you don't give up on the relationship. You just have to work at it harder. The basics - drinking more water, preplanning everything, weighing my food instead of guesstimating, reading my flash cards for motivation. I'm going to read one before every meal and snack. [edit: I didn't! But I will keep trying to remember to do that.]

So I looked at that tiny weight loss (better than a gain though, right!), took a deep breath and had a good day. We took Thor for his walk, then went to an indoor playground in the morning (while I read a book), lunch at home, then haircuts and grocery shopping in the afternoon. Lots of opportunities to snack off-plan, but I didn't. Kept to my plan and my calories and feel good about today.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014



I'm glad we got Thor out for a nice long walk this morning (25 minutes, long for his little legs) because it later started raining. Freezing wet day. No car, either, today, so we were pretty much stuck inside. Thor got muddy on one of his brief trips outside and I had to give his feet a wash. I let the kids watch more TV than usual, and got them to have a mini-Olympics around the house which I opted out of - I lay on the lounge with the puppy draped over me and went to sleep for half an hour. We couldn't find any free kids to come over for a play. I really should have come up with more things to do but luckily my two play very well together and come up with all sorts of games. I did agree to making and icing gingerbread men with them some time soon, but didn't have the energy today.

I am struggling with food a lot more than I expected these past few days. Being outside my routine plus really cold weather make me want to eat! Today both my lunch and my afternoon snack blew out - same food as I'd planned to eat but just more of it than I intended. I had my normal dinner but then high calorie chocolate and cashews in the evening. I went beyond fullness several times. I haven't even counted my calories for the last few hours of today. My head isn't in the right space, too many moments of "I don't care". Of course I do care, really.

I'm not depressed or anything, just not doing so well with my eating. Luckily every day (every moment) is a chance to make better decisions.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

School holidays


So far we have been to see a movie (Rio 2), to the library, and shopping for more winter clothes for the kids. We don't like to leave the house for long periods because the puppy is shut up in the bathroom when we are out (when he is older and it isn't so freezing out, he can be outside). I thought the movie was pretty mediocre but the kids really enjoyed it and they are the target audience, not me. I did enjoy some of the lines from the evil cockatoo, which probably went over the kids' heads.

I find being out of my usual routine a bit challenging. I didn't eat any junk at the movies but I ate too many healthy snacks (nuts and dried fruit) because it was my usual lunchtime. Then we went to our favourite Mexican restaurant for a late lunch. It is usually pretty fresh and light there but today the server put a ridiculous amount of cheese on everything, and as it was melted and fused into everything it was impossible to remove any. I compensated by only eating half of my quesadilla but still felt I'd had too much. Much as I like melted cheese, I couldn't taste anything else which was disappointing.

Yesterday I had an alcoholic drink (apple cider) and then felt relaxed enough to have a bit more chocolate than I'd planned. I will be over my calories today and tomorrow, and I've still got games night this evening to get through.

I've realised that I mainly have problems on games night when I provide treats that tempt me, it's hardly ever what others bring. So I have some nice but healthy options tonight. I'll let you know how that goes.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Farming Simulator 2013


It's worrying when a blogger takes a long, unexpected break. Josh over at 700 pounds is as bad as it sounds hasn't posted for a month, and he was heading into a challenging time. It is possible that his laptop died, or that he is just really busy with family visiting, but of course it is possible that he has stalled a bit in his efforts to be healthy. Josh, in case you have been avoiding reading the comments on your last blog (some of them are a bit trolly, why is it some people will say anything as long as they are "anonymous"?, but most are very caring) but are reading here - if you have done some backsliding don't let guilt or shame stop you getting back to posting. I find blogging can really help. You don't need to tell your readers how "bad" you have been if you don't want to, it's no-one's business. You can just say you're back, and heading in the right direction. You have a lot of people out there who care about you.

Yesterday morning I twisted my neck somehow and ended up being unable to turn my head to the right. It was pretty sore. I spent most of the day very sedentary, staring straight ahead. By late afternoon I was about 50% better and did half an hour of gentle dancing (very carefully, without moving my head!), by bedtime I was 75% better. This morning still a little twinge, I'd say 90%. Calories excellent.

I had a really bad night, not due to my neck as far as I could tell, in fact no reason I could see. I didn't have caffeine late or anything. But I woke often and lay awake for a long time each time, tired but sleepless. Tried with and without my CPAP, neither worked. Oh well, it's Sunday so I didn't have any commitments today.

We took Thor for a walk today - a 20 minute walk wipes him out for the rest of the day! - and I did 20 minutes dancing. Whether from the sleepless night or some other reason, I just had no energy today. Exercise was so difficult. I couldn't keep up with the energy levels or the choreography. Doesn't matter, I did something.

I've been spending way too much time playing this computer game Tim bought me for my birthday. It's a farm simulation, but nothing like the cutesy Farmville, HayDay etc I'd played before. This is as close to reality as they could get it. I've spent hours each day mastering the various pieces of farm machinery; ploughing, seeding and harvesting my fields; collecting eggs, mowing grass to feed the sheep and transporting wool to the sale yards... it goes on and on. It takes me hours to manage my four fields, and there are 42 available once I earn enough money! But how I manage that without playing about 38 hours a day, I'm not sure! I'll cut back after the school holidays...

Friday, July 4, 2014

Another good day


A very good day. I may have spent quite a lot of it playing the computer game I got for my birthday... well it was fun! I had a great night sleep last night which made me feel much better, my calories were good, I did half an hour walking (with Thor, who strides out strongly) and half an hour dancing.

Apart from that, well I gave Thor a bath. He smells a lot less doggy now. He walked with me to the school to pick up the kids, first time for him, and he got so much attention! He loved the kids, a bit nervous about the other dog there.

It was the last day of term, so now we have two weeks school holidays. I hadn't really thought about that until just now in terms of food. I'll have to be careful to manage my eating, outside my usual routine of being home alone a lot of the day. But it's not like I get a lot of junk for the kids. Just sometimes we might go to fast food after being out somewhere, or something unhealthy at the movies. I'll have to work around that. Actually, I often seem to be "on a diet" during school holidays because I always seem to be sneaking a little bag of almonds or something into the movies!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Thursday weigh in


Starting weight: 85.3 kg
Last week: 81.4
This week: 82.3
Gain: 0.9
Total loss: 3.0 kg

Bit of a gain this week, as expected. Some of that is "real" weight that crept up during the week, some is water weight from salty restaurant food yesterday. But either way, it will be gone again soon.

I went to bed last night really content with my decisions. A little holiday from stressing about food was nice, and re-energised me to get back into it. I was full of happy plans to lower my calories back to 1400 and start exercising. After a bad nights' sleep I was rather less excited about it all, I just wanted to crawl back into bed! But determined, regardless.

I think the reason 1400 calories became insufficient was because I wasn't putting enough focus on vegetables, which are bulky and filling (and very healthy) yet low calorie. I don't like vegetables much and it is a real effort for me to include a reasonable amount of them. It is something I have to work on constantly. I do best with something that has the vegetables as part of the main dish, like a stir fry or casserole with lots of flavour on everything, rather than blandly on the side where I can ignore them. I'm sure that with increasing my vegetable and water intake, 1400 will be fine.

I did the grocery shopping in the morning then the gardener came and was very noisy with mowing and trimming shrubs etc. Thor was quite worried and distressed, so I decided to take him out for his first ever walk. We went only a short distance to the nearest park. Everything was so exciting! The smells, the sounds, the smells, more smells! An old man crossing the park. Exciting! Scary! Wonderful! Not sure! Terrified! Love him more than life itself! Please let me abase myself before him!

It was quite exhausting for both of us. He slept on my lap for a while when we got home, I would have fallen asleep too as I often do these days but I was watching a favourite show I'd recorded. Then I did nearly an hour of dancing. As usual, getting started was the hard bit then I enjoyed it. I started to get quite tired sometime after the 30 min mark but I wanted to finish that section.

Calories perfect today, and lots of vegetables. Admittedly pretty much all at dinner time; but I had a salad, then bolognaise with lots of mushrooms and onion in the tomato-based sauce on top of zoodles (noodles made of zucchini strips instead of spaghetti). At least five serves of vegetable in that one meal. I'm really feeling on track, and I'm confident that one day of indulgence hasn't derailed me.

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Birthday girl


It's my birthday! 44 today. Wow, that is nearly halfway through my life.

I decided not to track my calories today, and to eat what I want. This is not giving up, or giving in. It's just that I was getting so stressed and conflicted about it that I thought I would eat more out of defiance and deprivation than if I just relaxed a bit about it. Not eating until I felt sick, but eating a moderate amount of whatever I wanted. It's two days a year (birthday and Christmas). It might cause a fluctuation upwards, but it's nothing in the lifetime scheme of things. I'm sure there will be an increase tomorrow but a lot of it will be because restaurant food (Thai) is so salty.

Also, I didn't want the day to be all about food. What I could eat, what I wasn't allowed, weighing and measuring, trying to calculate the value of restaurant food... I'll worry about that every other day. Today, just chillin'.

I received this lovely vintage teacup and saucer:

I'd been thinking about getting one for a while, but they are so expensive that I hesitated, I was scared it would get chipped quickly. So my family chose a lovely one for me. And I'll be washing it by hand! Also earrings, books and music, a computer game, and chocolate (from Thor, I really wasn't expecting a present from the dog. And such good quality, too!).

My husband was home for the day so I got to spend time with him, got birthday wishes from various people, and just had a nice day. 

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

1600 is too much


I've been trialling 1600 calories this week because I was having trouble sticking to 1400 all of a sudden. I've found 1600 very comfortable. But after five days my weight is not only above the last weigh in, but above the week before that! And there is no way it is going to go down again after birthday cake and restaurant dinner tomorrow. I think Thai food is pretty healthy, but it's still going to be more indulgent than eating at home. And salty, too, no doubt. I am dreading, a bit, my weigh in on Thursday.

I am still having this huge internal battle about how much to eat tomorrow. Especially with my weight going up already, I feel like I might as well take the day off dieting. But then I don't want a really horrible number on the scale on Thursday! What if I undo all my weeks of hard work? To be honest, I can't wait for my birthday to be over. I am too conflicted about it, I want to just get back to normal. Usually I love celebrations, and not just because of the food!, but while I'm working so hard to lose weight it is a big distraction.

It's a bit disheartening that increasing my calories a bit has made me quickly gain some weight back. (the Beck Diet says I should be eating even more, 1800, and still losing weight on that!) Obviously I need to go back to 1400. So it was a bit harder. Getting healthy is worth it. My calorie tracker gives me extra calories to spend if I exercise and I am going to use that. Only if I exercise, I'm allowed a few more if I'm genuinely hungry (not just feeling like I deserve food as a reward for exercise).

I'm hoping exercise will help me sleep better too. I have been really exhausted these past few days. If I exercise doesn't help I will get my CPAP checked to make sure it's still preventing sleep apnoea. I certainly don't feel rested. I am tired and snappy and doze off every day in front of the TV.


Tonight instead of having my allotted 200 calories at games night, I had about 900. I need more of a strategy for this, I am so inconsistent. Well, all the food I ate was things I provided, so there is an obvious step to take there. And I was already in "birthday mode". Feel all yuck, as I always do when I overeat.

Good night all, and sweet dreams.