Excellence

Thursday:

Today Aiden's school had a special end-of-year assembly (only two weeks of school left) and we were warned beforehand that he would be getting an award. Tim took the morning off work so we could both go. Aiden got an award for Excellence in Mathematics. So proud! He's finishing year 5, one more year in Primary School before he moves on to High School.

Then I had an appointment to see an Apple Genius about Jasmine's iPad which wouldn't charge. I thought it probably just needed a clean inside the port, but the Genius couldn't get it to work either. So he gave me a new one! Free! That was unexpected. Apparently because there was no obvious damage (it hadn't been dropped or drenched with water, for instance) under consumer law we get a replacement, even though it was nearly two years old. Nice. 

I also got a replacement for my sneakers. You may remember nearly a month ago I bought three pairs of shoes: black almost-sneakers which are very comfortable and I still have, black "dress" shoes with a bow on which I hated as soon as I got them home and returned and bought black boots instead which are lovely but I haven't actually worn them except to try on as I've had no occasion to, and new sneakers (gym shoes) as I wear them nearly every day and mine were starting to fall apart. But the new ones just weren't as comfortable as sneakers should be and I didn't like the grey/bright fuchsia colour scheme either, so today I took them back. It was within the 30 day return policy so I got new (light blue, very comfortable) sneakers instead! Even though I'd worn the others quite often. One out of three is not a good average for me with shoe choices! But today was a good day for customer service. 

On the other hand, remember that Christmas present that was going on sale today? Yeah, sold out by the time I got there after Aiden's assembly. After a bit of a search I got it somewhere else on sale for a bit more than that place, but still a lot less than full price. Not too bad I guess. 

This morning I got an email from the gravestone (memorial stone, they call it) people about dad's memorial stone, it is finished and installed and they sent me a photo. So that is done. It looks nice. 

Christmas shopping

Wednesday:

Today I did a moderately epic Christmas shopping excursion. A lot of catalogues arrived in the mailbox on the weekend and I went through them carefully and made a suggestion list for myself. Things don't always look as good in the shop as they do in the catalogue - or in some cases are not age appropriate for the little kids - but today I did very well. A couple of things each for my children and husband, and completely finished the purchases for the five small children of the extended family (2 are four years old, 3 are one year old, or will be by Christmas). A very satisfying pile of presents. And after showing the non-husband ones to my husband I can wrap them. I love love love wrapping presents!

I haven't got "main" presents for my children yet but I know what I'm getting them, one item goes on sale tomorrow! I didn't note the date on the catalogue and went to buy it today but the salesman mentioned that the price will be significantly reduced tomorrow, which was nice of him. I would have realised once he rung up the price, but he didn't know that, so he didn't have to tell me.

I'm sure Christmas shopping would be horrible if it was a last minute desperate search for something vaguely appropriate, but I have plenty of time and I love it! We are pretty big on presents in our family, we buy things the receiver will actually want and put a lot of love and care into the process. I've heard people complain it's just a waste of money buying junk no-one needs, that is not the case in our family. But then we don't go out and buy whatever we want in between times, not if Christmas or a birthday is coming up! It will be a mix of things people have actually asked for, and surprises they didn't mention - maybe they didn't know it existed - but we think they will love. And a couple of cheap fun things in their stocking along with chocolates and lollies from Santa.

Big family gathering, special food, presents. I love Christmas!

Peeping lizard

Tuesday:

I was brushing my hair this morning when I heard a strange rustling outside the bedroom window. Grumpy the blue-tongue lizard was making his slow way along the sill outside.

He seemed quite interested in watching what I was doing. The wooden part of the sill is narrow and he kept half slipping off onto the wider brick part but getting himself back on. He was licking the glass occasionally, maybe picking up insects or little spiders? Or maybe just doesn't understand windows. He got to the end eventually and went and lay in the sun. 

Family

Monday:

I weighed 75.7 kg this morning. Up 0.5 kg. Definitely time to rein it in! I’ve still got a month until Christmas, time to lose a little or at least maintain. So I’ve started tracking calories again, which I haven’t done for a couple of weeks. And I went for a walk this morning despite a light rain. Pretty tired today after the big weekend. I watched the Miss Universe competition (Earth won again, the rest of the Universe needs to get its act together) and had a nap and just enjoyed not having to study!

On Saturday another person noticed my weight loss, only the second person to say anything. And I think she was shocked when I said I’d lost 9 kg! It really doesn’t look like I’ve lost that much. Clothes that were tight are now looser, but I haven’t gone down a size. I do have one pair of shorts in a smaller size that look good, but the smaller jeans I bought are skin tight and I’m scared to wash them because I know they will shrink a bit and I won’t be able to get them on. And I just got board shorts to go over my swimming cossie and I had to get my old size and they are still snug! I know that different designers use different measurements for their sizes, and also it depends where on the body you lose/gain weight, but I guess I thought 9 kg would be enough for a size down.

I just had a look online, a lot of people were saying it took around 10 kg for them to drop a clothing size, but a couple of short people said 5 kg (I’m short!) and others said they’d lost 16 or more kg and hadn’t needed new clothes! So it varies a lot! It’s not the number on tag that I’m after, exactly, except it’s an affirmation; it’s more that I want to buy some new clothes but I don’t want to waste money if I’ll soon need a lower size. Well without Duromine I’m unlikely to lose as quickly as I was, so I’ll just buy whatever fits me now. I don’t buy a lot of clothes, but I always like to have something new for Christmas. I’d buy more if I felt I look good in them, and I’m getting there.

Was I bemoaning only yesterday that I don’t get the family gossip any more? I miss those peaceful days already. I contacted my favourite cousin Kimberley about visiting our Poppa at the same time, she has passed on that my brother isn’t going to be invited to another cousin’s wedding. He’s frequently very late everywhere and sometimes drops out entirely (he didn’t come to the last wedding or even to our father’s funeral - he has OCD and finds socialising very difficult) and apparently they are worried about spending all that money on his place when it will likely be wasted. He arrived at this person’s engagement party after just about everyone else (including me) had left. And this wedding reception will be on a boat, if he misses it there is no way to join it late. I can understand their point, but also, well, it doesn’t seem very family to exclude him. Kimberley is angry about it, but then her side of the family is a bit at odds with the groom’s side at the moment due to the groom buying land from Poppa at what her side thinks was an unfairly low price (I disagree, the land was valued and I thought it was fair, and anyway we were all offered the same deal) ... I don’t want to be involved in that feud! But do I have to say something about excluding Darren because he is my brother? He probably wouldn’t even hear about it except through me. I haven’t got my invitation yet but the groom just checked my address with me so I assume it’s in the mail. Not even sure if I want to go. On a boat (I assume a harbour cruise) I won't be able to leave when I want to, I'll be tired and trapped, and I might get seasick. But this will be the last family wedding for my generation - unless someone has a second go later on! Everyone else is married, except Darren. He's the oldest, he'll be 50 next year.

Several guests yesterday brought gifts of wine or champagne which I know is a fairly safe hostess present for people you don't know well (there were some people from Tim's work, and some friends of a relative who was spending the day with them), but I don't drink much, so the gift I really appreciate was these beautiful flowers - peonies I think. Just lovely. I don't often buy myself flowers, maybe I should. I enjoy them growing in the garden though.

Pool party

Sunday:

We had beautiful weather for our pool-warming party. Sunny and hot, but not too hot. But exhausting. Such a busy weekend! I am resting my tired feet now as I watch Love Actually.

After a morning at a four-year-old’s birthday, we spent Saturday afternoon in and around the pool. We enjoyed a swim but Tim and I were also trying to get the backyard perfect. Mowing the lawn, trimming the edges, weeding, finishing the mulching, cleaning the pool. Then Sunday morning we concentrated on the inside of the house.

People were slow to arrive but by lunchtime we had more than 30 people here, including quite a few kids. Some were in the pool while Tim manned the BBQ and I prepared the other stuff. Then we had a huge spread for lunch, and then Tim and I got to enjoy time in the pool with more people than we’ve had in there before. Other people sat in the shade in our lovely new garden and talked. There was also interest in our VR (virtual reality) headset back inside. Most of the non-family left around 4 (which was the official end time) and the remainder tucked into afternoon tea. As usual I over-catered  and we’re left with a fridge and pantry full. And everyone brought drinks so we’re left with more than we started with!

Everyone agreed that we have a beautiful pool and provided a lovely lunch, but then they would say that anyway wouldn’t they!

I didn’t get sunburned (a first!) but Jasmine was out in the pool all day and is very fair so she’s rather pink tonight, despite frequent applications of sunscreen. And Tim burned his nose yesterday. One of our guests spent a lot of time floating around on a blow-up pineapple and I think she was turning pink too. I hope no one suffers too much.

Turns out most of the part of my side of the family that lives in Sydney is going down the coast this year to spend Christmas with my cousin Lara, who married this year (or was it last year? Not that long ago, anyway). They are taking Poppa, my 99 year old grandfather, with them. So I won’t be seeing them for Christmas. That is two years in a row. Since my mother and my aunt died it seems the family has drifted apart. I no longer have a conduit for gossip or family news, I have to chase it. I thought I’d see them more often since moving to Sydney, but without mum I actually see and hear from them less. To be fair, I didn’t invite any of them to the pool party! I’ve arranged with a cousin that we’ll go out and Poppa at the same time so at least I’ll see a few people then. I’ll invite my brother here on Christmas Day as usual.

So, after today, do I dread weigh-in tomorrow? No, not really. I don’t generally overeat when with a group, I’m more a secret-eater type. So I didn’t eat more (or not much more) today despite all the piles of food. The left-overs are more of a danger.

Last one

Friday:

I had my last assessments for the year this morning, a short-answer online exam and then the teacher called and asked a few questions for two subjects. It wasn’t really a role-play like I was expecting, she just said “what would you do if” and “what can you tell me about”. All fine. And then I was all finished for the next two months. I enjoy my studies, but it’s nice being free!

I won’t have a lot of leisure time for the next few days though. Luckily I think the antibiotics are working, I’m feeling a lot better today.

I spend most of the afternoon doing a mammoth shop for our pool party on the weekend. So much food! We’re doing a BBQ. I hope everyone who said they will come, does. Should be lots of fun.

It was hot today so when the kids got home from school we went in the pool. I shouldn’t have waited for them though, the weather turned very soon after and we didn’t stay in long. I managed a bit of gardening under a grey sky. Hailstorms west of us, though they didn’t make it here. It should clear again for the weekend.

And after that I guess I start planning for Christmas!

Antibiotics

Thursday:

I’m on antibiotics now, hopefully I’ll be able to kick this throat and sinus infection. I’m not deathly ill by any means but I don’t feel great. I’m sure would teachers would have allowed me to delay exams and assignments, this is the last official week of term (and the year) but I know some people have arranged to get extensions to next week. But I’ve been sick for three weeks now and have no idea if I’ll feel any better next week, I decided to just get it over with. One more day.

I had two in-class exams today. Cataloguing in the morning, a couple of little things I wasn’t sure of but mostly good, and Reasearch and Analyse (researching information for clients) which was short answer questions, hand-written not on screen, for two hours. How retro! Our teacher says reading them all on screen hurts her eyes so we have to write. It was fine. I’m a bit less confident about tomorrow’s as I finished one subject six weeks ago and haven’t really refreshed my memory yet. There’s still time!

Exam week

Monday:

My weight this morning was 75.2 kg, up 0.1 kg from last week. I consider 0.1 kg maintenance rather than a gain, that is half a glass of water, but obviously I need to keep an eye on it. I've "gained" 0.1 kg two weeks in a row! I am not actively trying to lose right now (while sick and stressed, and after 3 months of dieting) but I do not want to undo what I have achieved.

I had another phone role-play exam this morning, where I pretend to be library staff and the teacher pretends to be a customer/other staff. I'm good at customer service and I know the subject matter because I study, but I still get gut-twistingly nervous. Literally spent 10 minutes on the toilet with cramps, panicking that I was going to get back to my desk too late and miss the call. I was the same before opening night when I did theatre. Once the performance starts I'm fine.

Several people asked me to buy them tickets for Jasmine's dance concert yesterday. One who had not paid me yet for her families' tickets called 10 minutes before the show started to say they had a sick child and couldn't come. I doubt the sick child needed both parents' care, why couldn't one parent plus other child come to the show? Or they could have called a little earlier so I could make other arrangements! Luckily I knew someone who wanted to come but couldn't get tickets and who lived very close, so I called them and left the spare tickets at the desk for them, they had made other plans so could only come for part of the show but at least they saw Jasmine's first routine and the tickets weren't totally wasted. If I sound ungenerous about someone with a sick child - well some people you just run out of generosity for! That is $73 I'll never see again. And I have to bitch about it somewhere.

I didn't mean to have a nap today but I lay down on my bed "for just a few minutes" after lunch and fell asleep straight away. My throat is still sore too. A bit better each day though.

We are getting alternating rain and warm sunshine at the moment. The garden is loving it - particularly the weeds! We haven't finished mulching the new garden beds at the back and the once bare earth is now a sea of purslane. We've had a few things from the vegetable patch: zucchini, cucumber, lettuce and beans, plus herbs. The only things that refuse to grow are the peas, they don't die but they sit there the same size as when I planted them out as seedlings two months ago. Snow peas and garden peas - three punnets of seedlings at two different times weeks apart. No idea why, I haven't had trouble with peas before. Everything else is rampant.

Prance and dance

Sunday:

On Friday I should have been studying but instead slept most of the day except doing the grocery shopping, where apparently I forgot some stuff I needed to get. But three naps in one day seemed to help and I was feeling a lot better by the weekend. Still not 100%, but a big improvement. Lucky, because we had a super-busy weekend.

On Saturday morning Jasmine had her State Final Acrobatic Gymnastics competition. It's an enormous venue, you can only see about a third of it in the picture. Here the gymnasts are lined up ready to start, Jasmine is at the back of the line wearing black closest to the camera. See the group in red, twice as big as any other school, at the far side? Yeah, they basically won everything.

Jasmine and her partner didn't make it to the podium, but she did get a 'gold band' medal - I guess equal fourth? So that is still an awesome result. She also goes up a level next year. I didn't get a great shot of her receiving her medal. I do have good videos of her actual performances (they do two routines, a slow 'balance' routine and a faster 'dynamic' one), and there is probably a way to take stills from that but that's a bit too technical for me.

Then we had about an hour at home before my niece Emma was delivered. We were babysitting so her parents could go to a wedding. She was here all afternoon and stayed overnight. As it was her very first sleepover, and she is only four and doesn't hesitate to air her opinions and feelings, we weren't sure how it was going to go, but it was fine. Tim took all the kids out to an indoor trampoline place in the afternoon so I could study, then we watched 'Sing' in the evening, and she went to sleep quite easily in Jasmine's room on a mattress (Jasmine had to stay in the room for the going to sleep bit even though it wasn't her own bedtime yet). And woke after 6am so I call that a win!

After she was picked up by a slightly headachy and hungover daddy, we only had a short time before heading off to the local Entertainment Centre for a day of Dance Concerts. Emma had her concert first (lucky she got a good night's sleep) with all the pre-schoolers. They are not exactly stellar dancers, but very cute. And only three left the stage in tears over the course of the morning. A few did just stand there with fingers in their mouth. Emma got distracted a couple of times waving to us in the audience, but otherwise got through her routines with confidence. Each group had a couple of teachers or older kids with them to help them remember the steps, and get them on and off stage.

Then in the afternoon it was Jasmine's turn. Not allowed to take photos, unfortunately, we have to buy official ones if we want any. The dance routines were rather more professional than the morning, the serious 'troupe' kids were really excellent. Jasmine was with the 'fun' group, doing tap dancing, modern/contemporary and jazz funk. (Aiden thinks it's hilarious that Jas dances jazz). She did really well, very enjoyable to watch. She still enjoys dance, but I think her focus is more on gymnastics now.

It was a very long day/weekend, and I have an exam tomorrow morning, but I think I'm well prepared and I'm feeling a lot healthier than I was a couple of days ago so that is good.

Rejected

Wednesday:

I'm feeling a bit cranky because I am still sick. Two weeks now! It is affecting my exam confidence. Five exams next week to study for. I was quite a lot better yesterday but this morning woke up with throat really sore again, aching legs, headache, fatigue, all as bad as ever. Frustrating. At least Jasmine has recovered from her relapse.

It's hard to know if stopping Duromine has had any physical effect because I'm feeling rotten anyway, it may be the cause of the upset tummy. Or not. But one I'm sure of is that the night sweats have immediately returned with a vengeance as they have every time I've stopped taking the tablets for a day or two. How many years does peri-menopause take? It's been at least... I'm not sure... four years so far? Maybe longer. At least four. Last night's accompanying stupid dream was about realising I'd left my school uniform by a swimming pool, on the other side of a shopping complex, and sending Aiden to get it but knowing he wouldn't be able to find it and that I was going to be late for school... We do wear uniforms all through our school life in Australia but not as an adult at a tertiary institution!

Thursday:

Dragged myself around TAFE today because it was the last week before exams and I didn’t want to miss last minute info, and we also had a timetabling session for next year. Sore throat and tired and horrible headache all day, even with Panadol. And then I got a call from the Intership people, I didn’t get it (Lauren did). I didn’t even think they were deciding yet, but clearly they did. A bit relieved because I don’t think I would have been able to work with the times they wanted, but mostly disappointed.

Slept in train on way home, and at home in front of TV. Most of my life sleeping atm.

Three months

Monday:

My three months with the appetite suppressant Duromine (phentermine) are over. I didn't lose any weight this week (in fact 0.1 kg up), I don't think the tablets were having any affect any more but also I've continued to be sick all week so haven't exercised. But over the 12 weeks I've lost 9.6 kg, by far the most I've ever lost on any weight-loss strategy. I think that was well worth my relatively minor side effects of occasional nausea and constant dry mouth. But I'm kind of glad it's over, even 'relatively minor' side effects get pretty annoying after 12 weeks!

Starting weight 84.7 kg
Finishing weight 75.1 kg

This is the lightest I've been for at least 10 years. I am much more comfortable in my own skin, 15 kg overweight feels very different to 25 kg overweight. My goal is now to maintain that for a while over the Christmas period.

I'm on day 12 (I think) of this flu or whatever. I seem to get worse every time I exert myself at all. After a tiring afternoon yesterday I got much worse in the evening, and so did Jasmine. She's gone to school anyway because she has too much she can't miss, she said. It's such a busy time of year. She's got both her dance concert and the gymnastics State competition next weekend, with lots of rehearsals all week, so it's going to be really tough for her if she continues to feel unwell. She also has a test at school today plus sometime has to do the one she missed when she was away sick last week.

Saturday was when we'd planned to have our pool-warming party (second try) but by mid-week the weather forecast was pretty bad so we postponed again. Then the weather turned out quite nice after all! However I was still sick so all for the best. Hopefully in a fortnight it will all come together.

Sunday afternoon was Aiden's birthday party at one of those Laser Zone places where you run around in the dark shooting each other. He had some school friends but also Tim and a couple of uncles who are basically big kids anyway. There was a bit of awkwardness, grandad found out about the party - we hadn't invited him because it was really supposed to be a kids' party and also he he's been busy looking after Jo and has declined other invitations to things lately - and he wanted to come, I was really worried we'd hurt his feelings by not inviting him (we had a separate dinner for family to celebrate so he wasn't left out of everything!) so we organised an extra place but then he decided he wouldn't come after all!

I wasn't part of the Laser Zone party, I'd planned to get some more study time in with only two weeks to go, but was asked to babysit my nieces so Uncle Nick could be at the party (Ping was working). I took them to a kids' indoor playground next door along with cousin Veronica and her baby. It went better than expected, four year old Emma only had two tantrums (one about her hair clip coming out and no one was allowed to put it back in except daddy, who wasn't available; and one about wanting to take the pink balls from the ball pit home), and little Ashleigh was ok as long as she was glued to me and only cried when her big sister did. It was tiring though. Then family all came to our place for dinner to celebrate Aiden's birthday - well we have family dinner most Sundays anyway - and usually I love that but by then I was feeling tired and sore throat and quite unwell so I was glad when they finally all left, I was almost asleep on the lounge.

My plan is to sit and study and do as little physical activity as possible until I'm truly well. No moving rocks around in the garden! Rest and nutritious food.

Internship delay

Friday:

I got a call about the Internship today, basically they are delaying it until early next year and are not making a decision until everyone knows their schedules. It seems they could take both Lauren and myself, or just one, depending on availability, or that is the impression I got. It could be an issue for me if they want me there for normal work-day hours because it's a long commute and I have kids to be home for. But I'll wait and see when we talk again in January. Maybe if I time-share with Lauren it will work out. It's two months until they plan to call back - I'll worry about it closer to the time!

I was glad to get the call even though I didn't get a final answer, at least I don't have to worry about time management these last two weeks of TAFE with all my exams, and she gave me some more details about the job, and I don't have to check my email every half hour anymore!

I'm still feeling pretty rotten today. Headache and body ache and very tired. Urg. But by late afternoon some improvement.

My little boy Aiden's birthday! I can't believe he is eleven. Born 3:30am after five hours of labour (compared to 56 hours for Jasmine! My official records only count nine hours when the contractions were five mins apart or closer, but I count the whole time from when it started.) Aiden is still my baby. But eleven!

Chainsaw

Thursday:

I thought I was over the flu (or whatever it is) but continued to feel tired and needing a nap every afternoon. Exercise or anything strenuous made me feel dizzy and sick. Yesterday I felt worse, and Jasmine was home sick with it - so now the whole family has had it! - and today am worse again and stayed home from TAFE. It wasn't a good day to try to sleep, the council are doing some gardening just across the road - with chainsaws! And a woodchipper. Not kind on a headache.

I emailed my cataloguing teacher to ask for today's lesson and homework. I'd been increasingly worried about the exam I did last week considering I was coming down sick at the time, but turns out I got 100%! So I'm very relieved and happy about that. I was slow, but thorough, so that is ok.

The weather forecast for the weekend wasn't good, so we've postponed our pool-warming party again. Maybe we should have waited until summer in the first place, but we had some really hot days! Then cold and rainy. Now it's gone back to around 22C, quite nice but not really swimming weather.

OMG will they please shut up with the chainsaw already!!

Dragon

Tuesday:

We had a visit from a dragon today. I was out gardening and I had just edged around our resident blue-tongue lizard Grumpy (I wasn't scared of him, I just didn't want to disturb him) who was out getting some sun, when I saw a flash of extremely fast movement go up the rock wall and over the lip of the pool. So I walked around to the other side (no sudden movements) to see a water dragon clinging to the wall, unsuccessfully hiding from me.

It's a mineral pool, so it's not exactly drinking quality but shouldn't hurt him/her. It is good to know that despite us ripping just about every original plant out of the backyard and being a construction site for a year, the wildlife is still happy to live here.

I did an exam this morning, I do that subject online and it was multiple choice so I got my results straight away - 100%! It's worth 50% of the total for that subject - Copyright. So yay.

I thought 100% was pretty good, but then Jasmine came home and said she got 103% in her Spanish exam by getting everything right plus some bonus marks. Snotty kid.

Getting lighter

Monday:

75.0 kg this morning! I am very happy with that. 0.5 kg loss this week, 9.7 kg loss total in 11 weeks on Duromine, one week to go - mainly the lower dose tablets. A good way to wean myself off them, if such a tactic is needed. I will miss the appetite suppressant effect and the extra energy (both have faded anyway) but I won't miss the constant dry sore mouth!

I was sick for about three days, better on Sunday. Which is when Tim came down with it! He's home sick in bed today. Aiden was only sick for one day, and Jasmine not at all (yet). We cancelled the family dinner we usually host on Sunday - now what do I do with roast lamb for 12? Lots of leftovers!

It's also been pouring rain for three days, so with sickness and weather I feel like I haven't seen the sun for a week!

I just realised that I had to set up a blog for a TAFE project and give two teachers access to it, and I think that means that if they wanted they could easily see this blog which is public and attached to my name... I hope I've only said nice things. I think so. I love all my teachers. They are all fantastic and smart and very kind when it comes to marking. Especially Gary and Mary - love you guys!

No Show

Friday:

I continue very tired, and now rather achy all over, and Aiden was also home sick today. This morning his voice was so hoarse he sounded like a heavy smoker. He’s much better this evening, but I’ve got worse as the day has gone on.

Unfortunately Tim and I were supposed to go out tonight, some time ago he bought tickets to see Guy Sebastian (he won Australian Idol about ten years ago, I think the first series) who we both like. We had some obstacles; difficulty finding someone who could babysit, my resistance when I found out I had to get to the venue by myself at night in the city and meet Tim there - Tim managed to solve all problems. But he couldn’t work around sickness. I'm never that keen on going out in the evening anyway, but I feel sorry for Tim who planned it all.

And now I’m worried about the exam I did yesterday. I thought it went ok at the time, but I did notice that I wasn’t one of the first to finish when I usually am. Today I feel so slow and foggy. I hope yesterday was just the slow part. I do know I added some extra information that wasn't strictly necessary, and also being puzzled over one bit for a while before I worked it out - talking to Lauren afterwards she didn't add the extra stuff and she thought the exam was easy... she finished way before me... and I don't actually remember checking over my work maybe I did... dammit I hate being sick!

I seem to be catching up on my sleep. Solid sleep at night, another nap this afternoon. can't keep my eyes open. This post has been written over several sessions.

That last job interview I went to, some weeks ago, I realised how shabby my “good” shoes had become. My usual footwear are sneakers, or a couple of variants of sneaker-like shoes. I have winter boots, and one good pair of black shoes which I keep in their box between occasional good-shoes-required events. But they had become rather scuffed and peeling, time for a new pair! Last week I went shoe shopping, a very rare occasion (I get new sneakers about once a year, anything else approximately never), and bought two pairs of shoes; comfy black almost-sneakers and fancier (and expensive) black shoes for work, should I ever get a job. When I got home I looked at the fancy ones again. What the hell was I thinking? Long and pointy with little black bows on the front? I was never going to wear those. So not “me”. I’ll be taking those back - I was planning to today except for being sick. Instead, I ordered online ankle boots that I’d liked in the shop except they only had brown ones and I wanted black. They arrived today and I love them. Now they are “me”. Here is the comparison me/not me.

I burned dinner tonight. Luckily salvageable. Just not thinking very well. But apologies if this post doesn't make sense.

Tired

Thursday:

I had my second cataloguing exam this morning. I think it went ok. Afterwards, my teacher told me about another cataloguing job going (a paid job this time, not a short-term internship, which I haven’t heard about yet), but it’s way over the other side of the city and would be about two hours travel each way. No way I can manage that within the kids’ school hours! I might investigate whether there is any option for working from home, but that defeats part of the purpose of working, for me. I’ve been home by myself too long.

I was feeling crushingly tired last night and went to bed early. I wasn’t worried, I’m usually tired in the evening. But today I was exhausted all day. Walking up stairs was like climbing a mountain, I could hardly keep my eyes open in class (not great in an exam!), fell asleep on the train on they way home and then napped at home until it was time to take the kids to gymnastics. Takeaway for dinner. I assume I’m coming down with something, hope it’s not too bad.

Speaking of sleeping in class, that girl Jessica still spends most lessons face down on her desk. When she is awake, she can be quite argumentative, often about random things nothing to do with the work, like politics. But mostly she sleeps. This afternoon she snoozed through the teacher’s explanation and while we were working on an exercise. Then we went around the class giving the answers. She was prodded awake but obviously she had no answers to give! She hadn’t even turned on her computer. After a moment the teacher moved on. I still wonder why on earth she is there! Why does she come to class? And why do the teachers put up with it? I suppose they may know something I don’t, that excuses her behaviour.

Lauren was having a bad day. She’s the other girl up for the internship. In the morning exam, right near the end, she knocked over her water bottle. She and Jake next to her had to scramble to keep everything out of the puddle, and it took her three trips to the bathroom at the other end of the hall to get enough paper towel to clean it up. But at least it was only water. At lunch, I was sitting with her and a couple of other people when she spilled her salad (with dressing) onto herself. And in the afternoon class she suddenly said she was getting a really strong smell... she investigated her backpack and found that her bottle of hand sanitizer had ‘exploded’ in her words. She wearily dragged herself and her bag off to the bathroom. Some days maybe you just shouldn’t get out of bed.

Speaking of which, time for sleeping.