I haven't posted for a while, partly because for the last few days I've been down with a nasty stomach bug and haven't been out of bed. Just starting to try food again now.
The first 24 hours I was able to still feel a lot of gratitude that I had got sick now, this week, and not when I was trying to visit mum or during Christmas or while we were away on holidays soon. But after the first day or so it's hard to keep up the positive attitude!
Also I've been struggling a lot with sleep. Since hearing about mum's cancer I've been sleeping really badly - taking a long time to get to sleep, waking during the night, and waking early. Worrying. So tossing and turning with stomach cramps these past couple of nights hasn't helped.
We saw mum on the weekend. I hadn't seen her for two months and she's already lost quite a bit of weight. Her hips are hurting her so she limps and rests a lot. But she's still able to get around and look after herself. She's finally got an appointment with the oncologist but not until next week which I am really mad about, I want them to get started on treatment as soon as possible. She showed me her x-rays and her bones are riddled with cancer everywhere. I don't know if they can do anything for her but we won't know until she has at least seen the specialist.
While we were there I did weeks' worth of washing up while Tim vacuumed and mopped the floors. And my brother, who lives there, sat around and watched or played with the kids. It's so frustrating. I've already talked to dad, who has agreed to take him if the need arises, but that might be a fight. Yes he has OCD which makes him wash his hands a lot and hoard stale food, but he is also just a lazy selfish bastard. I live four hours away but I have to come and wash a kitchen full of dishes! I had to keep reminding myself that I was doing it for mum, not for him, even though most of the mess was made by him.
So, anyway, I'm not feeling at my best right now. Time to go get some more rest.