Worry

Tuesday:

I slept very badly last night, worrying about mum, and haven't done much today other than wander around the house. Considering the fact that the cancer has already spread to her bones, I don't think the prognosis is going to be good.

I got this from a UK cancer website about breast cancer survival rates:

In about 1 in 20 women (5%), the cancer has already spread to another part of their body when they are first diagnosed. Sadly, the outlook once a cancer has spread to another body organ is not so good. It is not curable at this point, but may be controlled with treatment for some years. Women with stage 4 tumours have a 5 year survival rate of around 13%. About 1 in 10 women (10%) will live for more than 10 years.

Only 13% will live for 5 years.

I don't have details about mum's case yet, and no one can know for sure what will happen anyway, but it doesn't sound good at all.

I'm stressed that she is resisting me visiting her. I don't want to make it all about me, I want to respect her wishes, but I really feel strongly that I should be there. I'll talk to her about it again tomorrow after she has more information. Maybe she will have surgery or chemo dates by then.

We were going away to Queensland in a fortnight for a holiday on the beach but I don't think I should be away right now, even further away than the current four hours drive. It will depend on her schedule and her wishes I suppose, but it feels wrong for me to be going on holiday.

I'm stressed about my brother. I don't know if I've talked about him much here. He is 45, still lives with mum, no job, no life. He has obsessive compulsive disorder and hoarding tendencies, mainly out-of-date food which fills the fridge and stinks up the house, and refuses to take the medication or see psychiatrists or do anything about it. I personally think his lifestyle is half OCD and half lazy bastard. He freeloads off our mother and spends his time either in bed (for up to 24 hours at a time) or watching TV. Since mum's been so sick he's just messed up the house, without her cleaning up after him, and done nothing whatever to help. If I end up staying there to look after mum I will try to organise him to stay with dad for a while - dad lives out in the country in another state. Neither of them will like that much but it's the best option I can think of.

I talked to my best friend about it today and she offered to help with the kids after school if I needed to be in Sydney which was lovely of her. She works most days but it would help if Tim doesn't have to rush home early from work every day.

I wonder if she will be in hospital for Christmas. I'm so glad I'm not hosting this year, at least I don't have to worry about that side of it.