Forward planning

Tuesday:

Still not well, still not exercising. Still eating though.

Tomorrow is my very last Wednesday home alone with Aiden who is going to kindergarten five days a week next year. Of course we will have school holidays, starting in a week, but that will include my daughter as well. This will be my last day with just me and my baby. So even if I feel better (I certainly hope I will) I am not going to dump him in creche to exercise. And if that shows a lack of commitment to my health, I just don't care. I want to spend the day with my little boy, although I haven't worked out what we will be doing yet.

Less than two weeks to Christmas, three to the end of the year. Time to think about some goals and new plans.

Short term: to get over whatever germ is holding me back. Rest, fluids, healthy food that will help my body get over this. Not exhausting myself Christmas shopping then eating junk. Start at least walking again, hopefully on Thursday if I am up to it. Maintain my current weight if I can't lose any. Enjoy Christmas with the family. Get out of this funk.

2012: January is school holidays all month. Nevertheless, I will be back to vigorous exercise for at least an hour five days a week. I don't want to get up early but I will go to the gym when I can; like on weekends, if a friend can take the kids for a playdate for an hour, or the occassional creche session when that opens again. Use some of the other-people-minding-the-kids times to get back to jogging around the lake. Use the new Kinnect to dance for an hour (I think that will be more exhausting than a gym session!) -- with the kids! -- and if no-one gets me an exercise game for it for Christmas I will buy one for myself. Get the garden under control -- that won't count as vigorous exercise but it will be extra. Eat healthily, under my calorie limit five days a week. When we go for our week at the beach, be active every day.

In February, when the kids start school, I will continue all this (and will be able to get to the gym more often); but I am also considering joining Weight Watchers because there should finally be a meeting time I can get to. I think the support and accountability will help. And a new way of tracking food is always exciting.

My goal is to lose half a kilo (about a pound; I think 1 kg = 2.2 pounds) per week, 2 kilos a month. Slow and steady, but will get me there eventually. A year to lose the weight. A long time, but I will be a year older by then whether I lose weight or not. I want to be at my goal weight next Christmas. I can do this. Despite all evidence from the past.

The upper limit of my healthy weight range for my height is 58 kg and that would be great; but I remember feeling pretty sexy at 63 kg. Even 69 kg, for my wedding day, wasn't too bad -- although my body was a different shape back then, before children; an hourglass not an apple. It was gradual, but I really started to be miserable with my body at around 75 kg. I'm now 79, down from a high of 83. Although that scale was a bit nasty and I might not have been quite that high. Anyway, my first goal is 75 kg; just 4 kg away. And my medium-term goal is 69 kg by my birthday at the beginning of July. I could probably live happily at 69 kg, although of course I don't plan to stop there. But at the moment my biggest motivation is weight loss, I think from 69 kg down it will be more to do with enjoying being fit and active rather than hating my body.

I have basically lost no weight over the past five months, since I started exercising regularly (this time). First mark on my graph was 79.6 kg on 17 July, today I was 79.1 kg on 13 December. Half a kilo, one pound, and it fluctuates day by day so that half a kilo is meaningless. Depressing. But I was reading again this morning that exercise alone is shown again and again to have no effect on weight loss unless diet is also tackled. People just eat more to compensate. My husband has lost weight, cycling for an hour & a half a day, without "dieting"; but his calories are restricted -- he takes a healthy lunch and two pieces of fruit to work and that is all he has all the long day. Sure he has a big dinner at home but he is not eating freely all day like I do. I need to get the eating under control.

I still struggle every day with the short-term wanting the party in my mouth now, and wanting to lose weight. Weight loss is so slow, so not "right now". And you have to resist the food over and over. I will work on it.