Exhausted

Thursday:

I made a doctor's appointment about my disintegrating sleep a fortnight ago, then cancelled because I thought things were getting better. Well I've had a few good nights here and there but basically I'm tired all the time. I've had three or four particularly bad nights in a row this week and I'm shambling around barely coping, struggling to sit through lectures during the day and study in the evening and even worrying if I'm fit to drive. I have no idea why I am waking frequently at night but I've made an appointment with a doctor for Monday to start investigating physical causes. I know I am snoring at least some of the time and I have had another thing for a few weeks which I find embarrassing to say, I'm sort of drooling. I have to wipe the corners of my mouth, not really frequently, but even sometimes is bad enough. And a bit at night too, maybe more than I know. It seems like I must have a problem with my upper respiratory tract but I don't have a blocked nose or any other symptoms. Are the muscles in my mouth and throat relaxing too much or something? Weird and a bit scary. Anyway, I'll see a doctor.

My day includes around 6000-8000 steps but I am not doing any exercise on top of that, I just don't have the energy. I drag my feet even getting to classes or walking the kids to school. What I am more worried about is that I turn to food, fatty sugary food, in a desperate search for energy. I know that is only a short term fix with bad long term consequences, so I need to get control of that. I had junk food in the house for my daughter's party on the weekend, and then my brother-in-law left some biscuits and sweets here, and then we had Dungeons and Dragons supper, and I've ended up with more junk than I started with.

I know I should throw it all out. Last night I got the tub of leftover chocolate cream cheese frosting out of the fridge. I made too much, and was silly to keep it in the first place. I got a spoon to scoop it all into the bin. And had a taste. And stood there next to the bin, telling myself just one more taste then I'd throw out the rest, eating a bit more and a bit more. Then I put it back in the fridge. Too weak.