A fear of dentists

Tuesday:

I still hoping for a ticket to my daughter's dance concert, a school friend of Jasmine's is the granddaughter of the woman who owns (or runs, maybe) the dance school so I am using that connection and it looks like I might be able to get at least one. Yay for knowing the right people!

It's day two of carb loading. I ate nearly 3000 calories yesterday but that really wasn't necessary -- I had a lot of fat to go with my carbs. Potato in the form of hot chips, lots of butter and cheese with my bread etc. I had really planned to do better today but had a stressful morning then a comfort binge. I know I really need to work on how I deal with stress. Not just turning to food but in other ways too, I get so churned up inside and can't think straight.

Today's stress was the dentist.

I am really scared of the dentist. For a while I thought I was allergic to the anaesthetic they use because I always shake and feel sick until my dentist pointed out I have that reaction even when I don't have an injection! I'm not scared of doctors or needles but there is something about the dentist that freaks me out. I assume it goes back to lots of dental work and braces when I was only 10 or 11 (I had my braces done and off before I got to high school, very mature teeth, but small mouth with no room for them all). I remember hanging on to the parked car for dear life while my mum tried to drag me into the dentist surgery for my next extraction. Injections in the roof of your mouth hurt!

Today was just a clean and check-up. It was mostly done with a manual pick, which I can deal with ok so I got through it merely feeling like a seasick limp rag. It's the air, water, suction, drill, polishing etc that I struggle with. Strong gag reflex, but all psychological - I often gag when they are working right at the front of my mouth. There was only a little bit of that, and the hygenist was very good at giving me breaks when I needed them. But the problem is what they want to do in the future. At my last check up my dentist said she wanted to replace a couple of fillings as they are jagged and stopping me from flossing properly. I made an appointment but then cancelled. It just didn't seem worth the stress when it wasn't an actual emergency. But she pushed it again this time, prevention being better than letting decay start. Two hours (over two appointments) in the dreaded chair; with all the feared appliances. She even talked about using a dental dam - my last dentist tried that once for about two minutes and I felt like I was drowning in my own spit and panicked.

I've made the first appointment, but I don't know if I can do it. I know I should be brave and get it over with, and maybe straight after today's appointment (with the horror so fresh) isn't the best time to make the decision. I'll leave it for now.

But I filled the gaping void of fear in my belly with food.

I'm usually against non-sugar sweetners but yesterday I bought Natvia (made from the stevia leaf and supposed to be natural) because I really do want to cut down on sugar and carbs (after tomorrow) and I haven't had much success with sugar-free tea. Less than half a calorie and no carbs per sachet. I love it! If anything, it tastes better than sugar, although I bet I couldn't actually tell the difference in a blind taste test. So unless I read somewhere about how bad it is for me I'll be using it in my tea and maybe introduce it elsewhere as well.