Putting on my determined face

Friday:

The last 22 hours or so I've been feeling denial, anger, guilt, fear, sadness and determination. Whether I've got diabetes or "just" pre-diabetes that is getting worse, I've let this happen and I need to do something about it. When I was diagnosed with pre-diabetes last year I was very proactive for a little while but then slumped back into my old ways. I can't let that happen again.

Different authorities give conflicting advice about how much carbohydrate diabetics should eat (Australian diabetic diet guidelines are fairly high in carbs but ONLY low GI, the US doesn't seem as into the whole GI thing and suggests smaller amounts of carbs) but everyone agrees that I need to:

1) lose weight
2) exercise regularly (not just to help lose weight, exercise has other benefits for diabetics)

As a tertiary issue I need to spread carbs throughout the day. I will be going with a slightly lower-carb version of my dietician's advice and having small amounts of low GI carbs with every meal and snack. And drink a lot more water. And take my vitamin D tablets like my doctor says.

I have already cleared six months (nearly a month of that has already gone) to write a novel, which I can only work on for a couple of hours a day due to my RSI. My only other commitments within school hours are doing a bit of housework and getting the shopping done etc -- all in my own time. I have the most available time of anyone you know to fit in regular exercise. So I have the least excuse of anyone you have ever met to not exercise. I don't have to get up before dawn, or go to the gym after work, or squeeze in a run at lunchtime like many people. So I will just do it!

I can't completely shed the guilt, denial etc (yet) but I am working on building up the determination. I can absolutely do this. Lose 20 kg, get rid of the dangerous abdominal fat, get into a regular rhythm of exercise for the rest of my life, which will be long and healthy. The only thing stopping me is inertia. It is easier to sit around than get into my exercise gear and start moving. The wheels are stuck in the mud. But I've just had a huge shove to help me get going.

I felt so ill most of the day after that glucose test. And I got up four times in the night to pee like a racehorse as my body tried to get rid of all the sugar. For the next few days in particular I am going to work on being gentle to my pancreas. Regular small doses of healthy carbs that won't stress the poor thing. It's been through enough lately.