I am really struggling with life at the moment. Months of not enough sleep are taking their toll. It's probably been going on longer than that, but in the last few months it's become critical. I think I am now mildly depressed. I've had real, deep depression just after my first child was born, ten months of PND, so I know what that is like and this isn't nearly that bad. But I have a constant mild sadness, inability to cope, lack of energy. Hard to separate tiredness from any other possible problems. But either way, tiredness is at the root of it.
I'd told the doctor and the sleep doctor that I haven't been aware of stopping breathing, which is the actual primary symptom of sleep apnoea. Night before last I did it, woke suddenly taking a big breath. And I realised I have been doing it occasionally for a while. I just (oddly) hadn't connected it to sleep apnoea. I think because I was expecting to feel like I was choking or something. But this feels like I've just forgotten to breathe.
I don't want it to be sleep apnoea. I don't want to wear one of those CPAP masks and try to sleep with it on. But on the other hand, imagine getting a good night's sleep. Imagine not being tired all the time, falling asleep during the day, waking often at night, headaches, irritability, depression, forgetting things. At least if I get some kind of diagnosis maybe they can help me. I should get the results soon, maybe by the end of this week.
My weight yesterday was 82.2kg. Going back up.