Apron

Tuesday:

Yesterday was the hottest we've had so far, really a taste of summer. It was enough that I felt a bit sweaty when just sitting around in the evening. Then later, lying in bed, I noticed a pain across the skin of my lower stomach. It was like a long scratch horizontally, very low on my abdomen. I assumed it was a minor scratch I'd done to myself somehow without noticing, exacerbated by sweating, and didn't worry about it.

This morning it was still sore, so I had a look in the mirror. And it is not a scratch, it's the crease where my stomach folds over and hangs down.

I now have an "apron", as I have heard it called.

I've been cruising along lately, not worrying about weight loss much because I felt mentally healthy and ok about myself. Not physically healthy, with the hay fever and various illnesses, but pretty happy. It's nice to feel that way, a break from hating my body and myself for being so weak and lazy. But every so often something happens that gives me a kick, like seeing a photo. Or something more serious, that reminds me that weight loss isn't just about vanity, it is about health. Like pre-diabetes. Sleep apnoea. High blood pressure. A stomach that has gone from an hourglass to an apple to an apron. A stomach that actually causes me discomfort because of the way the skin folds and rubs together in hot weather.

Wow.

I kid myself that "I'm not really that fat." But I am. I am that fat.

I'm not expecting a sudden permanent turn-around in my lifestyle from this. But I'm working on taking steps. I did some exercises with the kids this afternoon, planks and squats and leg lifts. I bought healthy food today while shopping, no treats even though it is still school holidays. The kids don't need a house full of junk any more than I do. Trying to make each small decision a good one.