Thanks everyone for your kind wishes yesterday. I am feeling a lot better today. It's been a hard year so far, I'm hoping things improve soon. At least my mood has lifted.
I was looking at the first couple of weeks of this blog, which I started on 19 June 2010, a few days before my 40th birthday. My starting weight was 83.1 kg. I am less than a kilogram different today, nearly five years later. Five years of trying to swim upstream has kept me in the same spot. I suppose at least I haven't put on weight, which I'm sure I would have done if I wasn't fighting it. There's a strong current trying to wash me downstream. It feels like damn hard work to swim against it, and it is relentless. If you stop swimming, you start floating away immediately, and then you have to fight even harder to get back to where you were.
So what are the options? I can give up and get washed out into the vast sea where I will grow just as vast. I dream of getting towed along behind a boat, not having to do the work myself, but I don't believe the ads that promise a free ride (and once they've got a hook in your mouth, who knows where that will end). I can swim more consistently, so I don't keep slipping back... is this salmon metaphor going anywhere or have I lost the plot?
What I believe is that I know what I have to do, but I don't do it with any consistency. My average month probably has one good week, two mediocre weeks, one bad week. Which averages out to mediocre, which keeps me in the same weight range year after year. If I could even make it two good weeks and two mediocre weeks that would be a big improvement that might show some results.
I spent the morning present shopping and the afternoon in housework and time wasting. If you want a bit of a laugh, have a look at the web show "The Katering Show". The episode "I quit sugar" is hilarious (with a certain amount of profanity as they go through withdrawal). It's only 8 minutes long, go on, you've got 8 minutes. And you get to hear some Australian accents!
Water: Good. Yay!
Mental health: Good.