Diversion

Wednesday:

I spent yesterday at home, mostly sleeping, instead of going to work. Today I had my last visit to my TAFE in the city, a consultation with a teacher about my big research assignment. I was feeling a lot better than yesterday so I decided not to cancel. Maybe not the best choice. When leaving home, I could hardly get out of our street due to traffic banked up on the main road. It turned out there was a big accident on the nearby bridge (at least one truck and several cars) so the road was closed. Everyone was diverted to next crossing, a long way around with only one lane each way (the usual bridge has three lanes each way). With so much traffic everything was slow, and we also had to inch around a minor bingle (car accident). Getting to the station took me an hour instead of about 15 minutes. And I had to park a long way from the station at that time of day. Of course I don't equate my minor inconvenience with what people actually in that big accident went through!

I was lucky enough to catch an express train to the city, and I walked really fast at the other end, so I ended up only 20 mins late - for a 30 minute meeting. I was rather hot and tired by then from brisk walking while feeling sick! I even have a blister on my toe. But the meeting itself went well. My teacher was happy with my progress on the assignment, which is nearly finished. It was the last time I needed to go into TAFE, ever. I will see my teacher one more time when she comes to visit me at work to assess me there, otherwise I just have some online stuff and finishing work placement. My teacher mentioned they only have one graduation ceremony a year so I think that will be nearly 12 months away! I might just get them to mail it to me.

The trip home was much slower and less stressful, I half-dozed through most of the train journey. Didn't appreciate the icy rain getting back to the car. Very glad to finally get home again.

At least I got some exercise today!

Whoosh

Monday:

I had an amazing weigh in this morning. 69.8 kg! I am under 70 kg! I finally broke that plateau and had my ‘whoosh’, and lost a massive 1.6 kg this week. Very happy with that.

Unfortunately that was the only good thing today. I’d continued to feel a bit unwell all weekend and today I felt really awful. Flu has hit with full force. I dragged myself to work, don’t really know why. I’m now in the other branch of the library and it seemed nice but I could barely stand up. Wasn’t thinking too clearly either. I pretended to be well as best I could, hard when your nose is like a waterfall and you keep sneezing. My neck glands are swollen. Yeah, I know, poor me. And I’ve still got to get Jasmine to her dance class, and my father in law is planning to drop over for a while tonight. I’m thinking I might spend tomorrow in bed. I’m not very chirpy when I’m sick.

Still happy about my weight though! 😁🤧

Not too small

Sunday:

Last night I rummaged through my box of 'too small' clothes, looking for an old belt. I haven't been this small for over ten years, and some of the clothes are probably twenty years old! I only kept my very favourites, plus there were a few things from my mother's wardrobe after she died. I kept some clothes of hers but throw out more every time I go through them, the only thing I actually wear is one white cardigan. Anyway, I didn't find the belt but I was looking at a couple of size 12 skirts and some purple corduroy jeans and wondered if I could fit into them. I didn't really think so. So small! I have bought a couple of size 12 items recently (US size 10) but didn't really believe that was my new official size yet.

The fit easily! The jeans are even a tiny bit loose! I suddenly have two 'new' skirts to wear to work and some cool purple jeans. Yet the size 12 jacket and coat are a bit too small. I dug everything out of the box and hung it up in the closet (and tidied and rearranged everything), hoping I will fit into more things soon. The smallest are a couple of favourite sundresses in size 8 (US 4), I don't know if I'll ever get into those! I used to wear them when dating Tim and he remembers them fondly. But mostly the box contained formal dresses that I might fit into soon, if I ever have anywhere to wear them.

By summer I should be throwing out a lot more 'big' clothes.

Tim and I learned something about the USA today. He has a work trip coming up and had to book accommodation. Only after booking did he realise that Washington DC and Washington are not only different places, but on completely opposite sides of the country! Who names stuff like that? (If I knew they were different, I still would have thought one was a city inside the other.) Luckily he booked the right one (DC). He's quite stressed about the whole tipping thing. We don't do it in Australia, or rarely. He was reading up, sounds like you tip everyone. Even if you don't see them, like leaving a tip for the person who cleans your hotel room. Means you have to carry a lot of cash all the time. We're used to using our cards for everything, if we leave a tip at a restaurant we add it to the bill. And then it's however much you like, not a set amount. (People's wages are much higher here, of course, they don't survive on tips.)

And taxes aren't included in anything so you don't know how much anything is even when it has a price on it? Is that right? You'd think Australia and USA would be very similar, but there seem to be quite a few day to day differences.

We're going out to dinner tonight to celebrate a family birthday. I'm determined not to derail this week's weight loss - I'm currently at my lowest ever (well, not ever I guess, I was a baby once, but for the past ten years at least). Shouldn't be too hard, I'm still not very hungry today.

It’s working again

Saturday:

I haven’t lost any weight for several (five?) weeks now, but the past couple of days have been better. I skipped taking Duromine (phentermine) while I was sick, and started again yesterday. It really feels like it’s having an effect again and really curbing my hunger and suppressing my usual avid interest in food. This afternoon we went out to buy Tim some new clothes, when the kids wanted a snack he took them while I did some shopping for myself. I ate nothing from lunch until dinner - unheard of! And I was only normally hungry by dinner time. So hopefully skipping a few days has reset my reaction to the medication and I get another good month out of it before my body gets used to it again.

Apart from getting Tim’s new suit, I did work on assignments and lodged two. Four weeks to go, three assignments left.

Low B12

Friday:

I went back to the doctor this morning for my blood test results. Most things were fine, like fasting blood sugar (it only goes high when I eat bad stuff!), cholesterol a little high like it has been forever, still working on that. The only thing of real note was my vitamin B12 which is very low. Which can cause tiredness, among other things. I’m tired all the time! I was first diagnosed with low vitamin B12 in June 2015, three years ago. I took daily tablets, and four months later my B12 levels were back up to normal. Somehow between then and now I stopped taking the tablets. You have to take them with meals so I’d have them sitting on the kitchen table. But I’d put them away when visitors were expected, then forget them once they were out of sight. I’d remember eventually, start again, then run out or put them away again... anyway I’ve bought some more tablets and I’ll try to take them consistently.

Jasmine was back at school today. But apparently she had such a bad nosebleed in maths that she sat in the office for 40 mins waiting for it to stop. They gave her a shirt to wear, her other one was covered in blood. They kept asking her if she wanted to go home but she’d already missed three days of school and she didn’t want to miss any more.

Aiden was very upset when he got home from school yesterday. He sat on my lap and cried for quite a while. He was waiting to cross the road at the traffic lights when a car lost control (maybe braking too late when the lights changed?), skidded, and nearly mounted the pavement where he was standing. Very scary.

Tim got home after midnight last night, trying to catch up on two days off work.

It’s been a challenging week. Yay for weekends!

Library Week

Thursday:

I stayed home from work on Tuesday because Jasmine was sick. I didn’t feel great either. Obviously we’d caught whatever Tim had, he was home Monday. I was supposed to be setting up for my Storytime, but I sent an email and the others did it for me. Luckily everything was ready and organised and all in one place. Well, not “luckily”, of course, I made sure it was ready!

On Wednesday Jasmine was still sick and I felt worse than the day before. I lay in bed for quite a long time going back and forth in my mind. Do I go into work, feel awful, maybe infect 20 children with whatever I’ve got? Do I stay home, feel guilty about making someone else do the activity unprepared, maybe have my future referees think I’m unreliable? Eventually I dragged myself off to work. Tim stayed home with Jasmine.

I was glad I went in, in the end. I met the two staff who’d rotated in from the other branch of the library, they seemed nice. They’d set everything up for me. The National Simultaneous Storytime went smoothly and I didn’t feel too sick. I got the children’s attention with a game where we made our arms into clock time shapes while I moved the arms on my poster clock. Then I read the story - along with hundreds of other librarians around the country! - and then got the kids to colour in pictures from the story to make into finger puppets. Another small group of children came in, late for some reason, so I read the story again. It takes a bit of practice holding a book so an audience can see the pictures, and reading it more or less upside down!

I was kept busy the rest of my shift writing up the event for the website, and preparing for Australia’s Biggest Morning Tea (a fundraising event for the Cancer Council) which was the next day. I was feeling ok and stopped to do some quick shopping on the way home as I hadn’t gone out the day before and we were out of food. But as I was finishing that I started to feel really sick. I got myself home and was glad Tim was there to make me some tea and look after me. I had an early night. It was a big day for me! Jasmine seemed a lot better.

But today Jasmine was still sick. I decided to send her to school but she called me halfway there and got off the bus and I went and picked her up. I decided to leave her home alone while I went to work. She’s 14 and not so sick she needed constant attention so no big deal, but it’s the longest I’ve ever left her home by herself. I still didn’t feel completely well but it was another important day.

It’s such a quiet library usually but it was very crowded today! The hospitality students donated cakes and slices, we bought biscuits and tea and coffee, and it seemed like most of the students and staff of the TAFE came in during the morning. We had some quizzes and guessing comps, plus there was all the usual students needing help with borrowing and printing etc. It was fun. But it was nice to do some quiet cataloguing in the afternoon.

Next week I’m changing to the other branch of the library, which means I’ll be back with the librarians I know. Half my work placement time is over. With Library Week over, there will more time for normal library stuff.

I put in a job application last week for a job basically identical to what I’m doing now, in a different library but still quite close to home, they’ve acknowledged receiving it and said they’ll let me know when they are doing interviews. Does that mean I’ll be getting an interview?

Sunshine

Monday:

I weighed 71.4 kg this morning, up a little bit. I went back to my doctor this morning for a blood test for various things, I’ll get the results later in the week. Blood pressure still up, I think 137/88.

Tim was home sick today. He’s had issues with allergies lately, or that’s what we thought, but now it seems more like flu. I had a headache too but hopefully I’ve shaken it off. Slightly weird thing, the skin on both my palms is peeling off a bit, I couldn’t image why as I haven’t been doing any manual work lately to cause these blisters. I showed Tim, and he has the same on his hands! Not itchy or red, just air bubbles that burst and peel, like you’d get if you’d been doing a bit of wood chopping or something. Odd.

I’ve been doing a lot of work on various assignments all week and I’ve got a lot done. Feeling on top of things. I’m still not doing any exercise though. My work days are different this week so I was home today. While taking a break from study I went and sat out by the pool with a book for a while. It was lovely and sunny, warm enough with a jumper on. Nice but of vitamin D.

High blood pressure

Friday:

I saw my doctor again this morning to check my blood pressure because it was high two weeks ago - very unusual for me. Still high today, although not as bad. At least, it was 150/90ish the first time she checked, which is very high, but we waited and tested again and it was 133/91 which isn't as bad. Still too high though (I think 120/80 is normal). Duromine (phentermine) can raise blood pressure but it never has for me before. I don't have any other symptoms like headaches or dizziness. My doctor thinks it's probably the stress of work placement plus these last few weeks of study with all the assignments, not making time to exercise etc rather than the Duromine that is causing it, and feels that not being overweight is very important for my health so wants me to keep taking it. I'm not losing but at least I'm not gaining. I'm not sure what I think. She wants me to concentrate on exercising more, just getting outside and walking, more as a stress relief than for weight loss. I'll try that for now and see her again soon. Also having a blood test on Monday to check my thyroid and blood sugar.

Weight loss doesn't feel like a big priority right now, although I definitely want to lose more and in particular just one more kilogram to get under 70! I'm stuck on 71.1kg. But I'm so busy with finishing my degree, looking for work, and looking after my family; and I feel so much better at this weight than I did when heavier, that weight loss has fallen off the radar a bit. I did talk about that with the doctor, but she was concerned that if I stop the Duromine while I'm so busy and stressed and not worrying about my weight that I'm more likely to regain than if I stop at some calmer time. I think that is a reasonable fear.

I wore last winter's black jeans today. Ridiculously baggy. And they were my tight ones!

Sharp

Thursday:

Another week of work placement finished, mostly spend on getting ready for Library Week next week - biggest week of the year! I've been part of the preparations for "Blind Date with a Book", creating a quiz, a lolly jar where you guess how many are in it, making a slideshow, Australia's Biggest Morning Tea, and of course the National Simultaneous Storytime reading and activities which I am pretty much doing by myself.

Even more "by myself" than I had realised. Out of the four people I have been working with at the library, zero will actually be there on that morning! Working the late shift that day, or in the other library branch or whatever. All away. I have no idea if the head librarian will be there or not - she wasn't in today - I've barely met her. I guess the other two staff I haven't met yet will be rotating into my library next week. I'm a bit nervous about the whole thing (reading to 20 children and leading them in a couple of activities, with the help of some childcare workers) and it would have been nice to have moral support from someone I've actually met!

Here's a couple of pictures of me dressed for work. Looking sharp.

And here is the clock poster I made to do a warmup activity with the kids (I'm going to get them to put their arms in the shape of the movable clock arms). The cat and mouse are printed from the cover of the book I'm reading "Hickory Dickory Dash" but the rest is my own work: I drew it, brought it home and painted it. Considering I have zero artistic ability, I'm pretty proud of it.

Set weight

Monday:

Not surprising after a weekend celebrating with food, today I was back up to 71.1 kg. That really seems to be my new set weight, I’ve been that exact number four out of the past five weeks! I feel ok at this weight, but would prefer to be losing, especially since I’m still taking Duromine. My dry mouth side effect has been worse the past couple of weeks, I want something in return for putting up with that!

The head librarian who is my official supervisor at my work placement was back from holidays today, so I got to meet her and she seemed nice. But after our chat I didn’t really speak to her again, maybe because she was catching up with emails etc and settling back in after several weeks off. My day went on as usual. Some cataloguing, shelving a few books, and preparing for Library Week next week. Then home for late lunch, writing up my notes, taxi service for after-school activities, making dinner, now relaxing in front of the TV. Until it’s time to chivvy the kids into bed.

Centarian

Sunday:

Yesterday was my Poppa's 100th birthday. (My mother's father.) A celebratory lunch was held at a country club, all the extended family from near and far plus family friends. I enjoyed catching up with family, but all these older people kept coming up to me and knowing who I was but I had no idea who they were! Darryl? Um, maybe Poppa's cousin's daughter? Or lived next door to Poppa when I was a child? Who knows? I had long conversations with two different old ladies with no idea who they were. They assumed I'd know, and I felt it was rude to ask. At least 'Evan' explained he was a family friend, and the father of a boy I went to primary school with (and a good friend of Tim's old boss, which is a crazy co-incidence as we were in another state at the time!)

I wasn't successful in finding a new winter dress before the event so I wore an old one that was too big on me but looked ok. Actually the shopping process was depressing, for some reason I looked fat and dumpy in everything I tried on, very unlike my other recent shopping experiences, even though I'm the same weight! I refuse to buy anything that makes me look like that.

Group photo of Poppa with all the sons, grandsons, great grandsons and in-laws.

 And with the granddaughters, great granddaughters and in-laws (I have my arm linked with Poppa, the only one wearing glasses).

It was also Tim and my 16th wedding anniversary, so in the evening we went out to dinner. It was a restaurant we hadn't tried before. The food was nice but we were right at the front where it was very noisy and also cold from people going in and out or the door being propped open. They couldn't move us to another table because they were full. I kept my coat on most of the time. We liked the food, but I think we'll save that restaurant for better weather or check when we book that we can be seated at the back.

Today is Mother's Day, I received some lovely presents - like slippers with inserts that you heat in the microwave! - and breakfast and lunch made for me. It was cold and rainy outside so it was a quiet day at home doing some study, watching Librarians Season 4 and trying to avoid the news (Eurovision was 5am our time and there are always spoilers about who won before we get to watch it in the evening) then in the evening - Eurovision Party! Every year we get family and friends to come over and watch with us. None of our favourite groups even made it to the top 10, I think. Oh well, it was fun.

Training

Friday:

I haven't been nearly so exhausted this week, I guess I'm used to working (part time). I manage to get some study done now when I get home instead of just needing a nap. My eating has been pretty terrible though. Because I only work until 2pm, I don't get a lunch break. I try to shovel some food in during my short tea break but it's tricky because I'm being trained by several people and my time isn't really my own. I have to remind whoever I'm with that I need a break and then if I don't hide, someone will say "Oh Natalie, I wanted to show you..." I often go outside but this week they've been burning off in the Blue Mountains (bushfire hazard reduction, controlled fires) and the smoke made my eyes burn so I had to go back in. I'm lucky if I manage to eat half an apple and make a cup of tea to carry around with me. So when I leave at 2pm I am ravenous and make bad choices. Like the KFC that is more-or-less on the way home.

These first two weeks of work the head librarian, my official supervisor, has been away on holidays. She's back on Monday. I've been working with the two other librarians. I have to impress someone new all over again!

Six weeks of study (and work placement) to go to finish my degree. I have six subjects and managed to finish the final assignment for one of them this afternoon. Five to go!

The weather has turned really cold. Fair enough, it's only about three weeks until winter.

Waist

Monday:

This morning I weighed 70.6 kg. A loss of 0.5 kg this week, my first loss in a while! I'm actually still up 0.2 from four weeks ago, BUT my waist is down to 91 cm which is a loss of 3 cm over that month. I knew I was skinnier!

I continued my work placement today. I really like everyone there. Monday is the quietest day so there was time to train me in some more things. I spent most of the weekend doing assignments, trying to keep on top of it all. Only seven weeks to go.

This coming weekend is very busy with my Poppa's 100th birthday, our 16th wedding anniversary, Mother's Day, and our annual Eurovision party! I had been hoping to get some more use out of my lovely newish summer dresses, but since cold weather has suddenly hit I'm going to need to go out shopping again for winter stuff. I need a pretty dress (at least one) for all these parties!

Suddenly winter

Sunday:

We had a very long hot summer, about one week of autumn, and now suddenly it’s winter. Only 10C when I got up this morning. Sydney doesn’t really get a lot colder than that!

I saw my doctor on Friday and she gave me a new script for two more months of Duromine. I didn’t lose any weight in the past month (I blame Easter!) but I already dropped half a kg in the past couple of days and I’m at a new low, but I’ll wait until official Monday morning to report. Even without that loss, though, I’ve been mostly feeling a bit thinner. My new skinny clothes fit better. My rings and watch are looser. I’m happier with photos. So maybe my shape changed a bit while my weight stayed the same. Nothing wrong with a bit of consolidation.

Very unusually for me, I had high blood pressure. The doctor checked it several times at the start and the end of my appointment because we both thought it might be a momentary aberration. If anything, my blood pressure is usually a bit low. But it was high each time, something like 140/100. I’m assuming it’s stress from work placement (just because it’s new and tiring, it’s not particularly stressful in itself) and I’m to revisit the doctor in a couple of weeks.

I didn’t mention it to the doctor (I will next time) but I’ve been having some pelvic pain on and off the past few months and it’s been quite bad since Thursday, especially at night. Lying down has always made it worse. I had fibroids removed from my uterus a year and a half ago - grape sized non-cancerous growths that are really common but don’t bother most people, it depends where they are - I know they couldn’t remove them all because of where they were. I think either the remaining ones have got bigger or more have grown. I’m not keen on having an operation every year, or a hysterectomy, and since those seem to be the only options my plan is to do nothing for the moment. I know the doctor will send me for another ultrasound and I hate them so much. Having to drink a lot of water and holding it for two hours is torture. There will be tears. And sneaky visits to the toilet when the pain gets too bad.

I’ve decided to fully embrace this National Simultaneous Storytime thing even if it’s not my assessment task (still trying for cataloguing) and I am full of plans. A giant clock poster (the book is a sequel to the Hickory Dickory Dock rhyme, with mother mouse looking for her baby who ran up the clock) and warming up the children by copying the clock and making clock time shapes with our arms, a colour-in and make your own mouse finger puppet activity after I read the story, and morning tea. If I’m going to do something I want to do it well and wholeheartedly.

Speaking of which, my friend Cathy from TAFE finished last year as she was studying full time and just had her graduation ceremony, and received an unexpected award for excellence. Congrats to Cathy! I didn’t even know there was an award, but now I want one! I know I’ve done well in all my classes, first or equal first in the ones you get told the marks for (but most you just get told “satisfactory”, which sucks), but a couple of subjects I know I wasn’t perfect. And Lauren already got that internship I wanted grrr.... I don’t know if there is only one award for best. When I did my Grad Cert in Editing I got the Dean’s Award for Excllence, that was for anyone with a Disctinction average I think so there wasn’t just one available. Feeling competitive!

Dress code

Thursday:

Today one of the librarians came in with her shirt unbuttoned rather low. She’s an attractive woman, always nicely dressed with skilful makeup, and I wasn’t sure if the unbuttoning was deliberate. I felt that if I said something, I would be implying that I disapproved and what if it was a style choice? She wasn’t actually revealing much. After a little while she looked down and commented that her button kept coming undone, and calmly did it back up. I think I was right not to say anything. But I would want to know, if it was me and I was dealing with students.

The cookery school is directly opposite the library. On Tuesday the students brought in a menu of things that they were making and that we could buy for lunch very cheaply. I didn’t go, but both the librarians did. Today the barista students brought in boxes of cupcakes and trays of coffee and hot chocolate! All free. We put it on the library counter to share with everyone who came in. I had half a cupcake (too sweet). I’m a bit worried about being plied with food twice a week!

I’m finding this whole work thing exhausting. Learning new things, and on my feet most of the time, and interacting with lots of people. A bit different to my usual routine! And I don’t get a lunch break because I’m only doing part time hours, only a short tea break. Today I had to remind them I needed one. No wonder I get home and collapse. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. I am enjoying it, even if I don’t get time to take a breath.

Consultation

Wednesday:

My second day of work placement yesterday was similar to the first. Being trained in various library things with frequent interruptions from clients. BTW, as a library user how do you prefer to be labelled? Client, customer, patron, user, member? The internet wasn’t working on a random assortment library’s computers so we had a lot of queries about that, and the printer and photocopiers also had issues. I only experienced one student asking for help finding a book!

At home in the evening I checked my email. I got mildly annoyed at my uncle who wrote that I hadn’t responded to Poppa’s 100th birthday invitation (my records say I did, a month ago), and then got very annoyed at the TAFE staff member who is teaching most of my online courses - she pointed out that I hadn’t yet enrolled in the online unit for my work placement. Um... what online unit? I thought it was covered by the customer service, IT and team management units, which all include things I have to complete during placement. Apparently there is also a seperate unit. The things you miss when you are studying online instead of attending face to face classes. I totally blame this on her, I’m quite sure I was never told about it in my limited contacts with her. So I enrolled, read the content, found I was supposed to keeping an online journal (luckily I’d been keeping my own records) and had this big document to work through and get assessed by my TAFE supervisor (who comes out for a visit) and a checklist for my work supervisor, and there was even a list of things I was supposed to do before placement. I had a big rant to my husband about it all, but after venting I found it wasn’t too bad, I’m still in the first week of placement so not too far behind in the work. Hmm, my workload just got a bit heavier.

Today I had the first of two consultations with my teacher for a different class about my major research assignment - the only times I will go into TAFE this term. This teacher, Julie, is also the person who will come out to check on my placement (not the negligent one who does the online part) so I could talk to her about that as well. She was happy with how my research assignment is going and gave a few useful suggestions.

The librarian at work had suggested I do a children’s storytime session for my practical assessment for placement, but I wasn’t really that keen on it. While I’m sure I could do it successfully, interacting with a large group of young children isn’t why I want to be a Library Technician. It was kind of hard for me to speak up, I’m not really very assertive, so I was a bit waffly, but I did say I was more keen on cataloguing. The librarian was open to me doing that, so after discussing it with Julie today I’ve decided to do cataloguing as my assessable task. I may end up still having to do the storytime anyway, just not as my special assessment! One of the joys of library work is that there is a wide variety of tasks.