A couple of quotes came up on my Facebook today that really spoke to me:
I've got to stop waiting for circumstances to change so I can start being happy! Sure being thin would be nice but it isn't going to magically change my life. Or what if it does? Should I waste all this time now that I am not thin? Sometimes I feel in limbo waiting to move back to Sydney, waiting for uni to start, waiting for something. But there is so much to appreciate and enjoy right now.
Our society seems to put a more value on looking good that being a nice person. Some days it seems like my whole life revolves around my weight. Yes my health is very important. But being 20 kg overweight does not make me a bad or unlovable person.
I mentioned yesterday that I was having a spoilt child tantrum about having to manage my weight. Well last night I externalised that. I dreamed that I was the full-time carer of a spoilt child! He was overweight and bratty, simultaneously neglected and overindulged by his parents. It was my job to cater to his every whim, a lot of which revolved around food. At the end of the dream he asked if I would be his girlfriend (he was about 12) and I said no but that I would help him get one, and I realised my job should actually be to help him change, but in a loving and caring way. I don't need a therapist to help me analyse that one!
We were supposed to visit Sydney this weekend but Tim is still sick with whatever germ is going round the family.
My mum is feeling a lot better after the chemo pills and a week of radiotherapy every day. I'm so amazed and thankful that she is going so well. When she first told me she had breast cancer that had spread to all her bones, even her spine and her skull, I was sure there was no hope and she was probably going to die within months. But the treatment is helping so much and the doctors seem to be very hopeful, there doesn't seem any expectation that she will die soon. I have a lot to be grateful for.