Difficult days

Tuesday:

It's been a hard couple of days. Mum isn't any better. The new medication is helping her appetite go up from zero to low, which is good, and is also slowing down the fluid production (she thinks). But she is feeling worse and worse. Today I called several times and she didn't pick up the phone beside her bed. I finally got through to my brother when he got home and he said she's not up to answering the phone, and even talking is an effort. So that is scary. Does she need to be in hospital? Who makes that decision? I feel very helpless so far away.

Much less important, but still a burden, is that in a last-ditch attempt to win this dietbet I've cut out carbs (except fruit and non-starchy vegetables). 64 grams of carbs today, 68 yesterday. I'd been very good all week anyway with sticking to my calorie limit and avoiding junk, but my weight loss has stalled and for the past five days I've had the same 600 grams to lose, so I cut the carbs which usually does work for me. (But maybe I've already lost all the water weight I was holding on to, it doesn't seem to have helped this time so far.) I don't do well without carbs and two days without them has left me tired and weak and struggling to cope a bit. Or maybe that's just natural worry. Either way, it's been hard. My weigh out is tomorrow morning, or the next if I want. So I am looking forward to a whole additional day of low carb. Not.

Of course I could question if it is worth it. This current diet is not sustainable for me, I am only doing it to lose weight temporarily for this weigh out. Why do it to myself? I guess I just want to win this dietbet. And every day I eat healthily is another day I'm not stuffing myself with junk. Even if I binge a bit after it's over. Aside from these past couple of days, I've been eating a healthy sustainable diet. The dietbet has really helped me to stay on track. I've found it very motivational, and the chat on the website is great. Everyone is very supportive.

But right now I just want it over with.